if you want to invite me to party, ASK ME first.

[Kabjat]

FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE AGREES!!!

 

All it takes is a "hey would you like to do <INSERT WHAT YOU WANT TO DO>"

wait for the reply of "YES!"

then send the invite.

 

ROFL well I am positive there are more as well who agree. xD

 

I think it's the mentality of being raised texting. Although that makes it sound like I'm implying only young folks eschew tedious pleasantries. I've know tons of awesome younger people in my short MMO career. That statement alone gives away that I'm old but you get my point >.<

 

I think many 'old school' people or just plain OLD PEOPLE (like me, my kids are old enough to consider me embarrassing D: ) are startled or taken aback by how the younger generation communicates. To them, it's not rude, it's just commonplace. Perhaps I should be a bit more tolerant....I dunno.

 

I still don't like ninja-inviting XD

[Goshnye]

Interesting, isn't it, Kabjat, that MMO's -- supposedly games frequented by people looking for social experiences -- are actually frequented by a not small number of socially-awkward people. I agree with you completely, inviting without asking first is rude. But for people to understand this issue you're raising here would require some modicum of social cognizance -- lacked by many of those who replied to you.

[Kubernetic]

I wholeheartedly agree with the OP's comments, and some of the responders.

 

If the leader of a group is so aloof that they'll just invite total strangers without ever contacting them and asking them if they're up for the task at hand just signifies a poor experience in the making.

 

It takes little to no effort to just send someone a whisper if you believe they are the perfect addition to your party.

 

What's wrong with, "Hey, are you by any chance up for running through <insert mission here> with us? We could use someone like you."

 

Ask first, then invite.

_____

 

It's even worse over on another game I've played (which uses warp engines in the space component) where I will get invited to groups to be the 5th person so they can form their own guild, even though you can see I'm already in another guild if you just LOOK!!

 

Yeah sure, let me just disband my own guild and my spot as the guild leader so I can help you form your little group even though you just invited me without ever even asking me.

 

I just don't get some people, unless they're kids and don't know any better.

[Kabjat]

While I agree with you, OP, I often do (and I hope others do the same to me) just simply toss an invite when we both walk up to a quest objective that has to respawn. I sincerely hope people understand my intentions when I do, most do, some decline (I understand they may have auto-decline, that's ok), and understand I'm going to kick you as soon as we both get credit.

 

Yep! xD and it has been very instructive for me to read people's position on this topic.

 

I agree with the inviting to a group for an OBVIOUS objective that everyone needs.

[mrcaptainpants]

couldn't have said it better myself. I like smellin the flowers xD and I would probably irritate others who move at a much quicker pace than me.

 

LOL! Me too! In another MMO, I once let a friend talk me into joining her and her new guildies as they led us on a quest chain so quickly that by the time I was done looting the corpses I stood up, looked around, and realized I was all alone.

 

By the time I caught up with them, they were just running away from a quest giver. They couldn't wait for me, so by the time I was finished clicking the "Accept Quest" button, I was all alone. Again. No one in sight.

 

This continued for quite some time, with the only real conversation in party chat being "click that."; "Kill that."; "Accept this quest.".

 

I thought I was gonna lose my mind. I eventually stopped even trying to loot my mobs; there simply wasn't time. It was the most unpleasant way I could imagine to experience an MMORPG.

 

Now, while that is not the same thing that is being discussed here, its an offshoot of the same kind of philosophy in which the ingame objective is made much more important than the social interaction.

 

To which I say: phooey.

[Anionix]

To use your party analogy, imagine if it were commonplace to receive party invitations in the mail that said nothing more than:

 

Party.

My house.

Right now.

 

Um...what kind of party is it? Is it a birthday party? Is it a costume party? Is it a Tupperware party? How long will this party last? Do I need to bring something?

 

That's what a wordless invite is like.

 

 

Firstly most people ask if you would like to come to a party before deeply indulging into what kind of party it is, hardly want to waste my time telling them for five minutes if they are going to say no anyhow...

 

Secondly you're not spending an hour dressing up as a drama queen, you're simply clicking a button...

[Kabjat]

Interesting, isn't it, Kabjat, that MMO's -- supposedly games frequented by people looking for social experiences -- are actually frequented by a not small number of socially-awkward people. I agree with you completely, inviting without asking first is rude. But for people to understand this issue you're raising here would require some modicum of social cognizance -- lacked by many of those who replied to you.

 

Yeah, seems you are right! However, I do try to keep my replies civil first in hopes of learning where they are coming from, and second, to keep the discussion on track. I am guilty of answering rudeness with a sharp tongue >.< but I'm trying to work on that! xD

 

If you saw my posting history you'd laugh because I have spent a lot of energy trying to 'one up' people to try and prove them wrong or whatever. Waste of time and energy lol...now, I see that never helps the discussion, only makes it worse.

[Kabjat]

Firstly most people ask if you would like to come to a party before deeply indulging into what kind of party it is, hardly want to waste my time telling them for five minutes if they are going to say no anyhow...

 

Secondly you're not spending an hour dressing up as a drama queen, you're simply clicking a button...

 

I believe the analogy was to illustrate a point. If you don't agree with the sentiment, that's fine, but surely you can see the connection? I'm the type of person who wants to know why I'm being invited to group. I want to know up front.

 

Not really difficult to supply that info, but if the one doing the inviting is not keen on telling me or just wants to assume we are on the same objective, then it's likely it's a person I won't enjoy playing with anyway.

[SwiperNoSwiping]

My problem is that many of you are trying to impose what you're idea of proper behavior entails. People are raised in many different cultures and generations with different ideas of what is acceptable. Someone else may not view it as rude to invite someone that is looking for that flashpoint without psting them. You expect everyone to behave the same as you and to change to fit what you believe to be proper, instead of the other way around.

 

To say that you're idea of what is proper conduct is better then someone else's is Arrogant and an example of Cultural Absolutism. You weren't raised like them and have no right to judge they're behavior. Its all about perception and the sooner you understand that everyone is differen't the sooner you might understand why they may not pst you first.

 

Of course many of what I just said, is thrown out when they behave in a way that can harm or hurt someone else.

[mrcaptainpants]

Firstly most people ask if you would like to come to a party before deeply indulging into what kind of party it is, hardly want to waste my time telling them for five minutes if they are going to say no anyhow...

 

That's a pretty subjective statement there, and not one which I feel to be true. I can't recall ever having someone invite me to a party without telling me what kind of party I was being invited to. But...maybe your experiences have been different. Okay. (shrug)

 

Secondly you're not spending an hour dressing up as a drama queen, you're simply clicking a button...

 

Yes, but the same argument could be used to support the other side of this argument. You're not spending an hour typing up a 2,000 word proposal, you're simply saying "Hey, would you like to do <insert quest>?"

 

Pretty simple.

[tmpearson]

I would have to actually see other people on my server in order to turn down a blind invite.

[Kabjat]

My problem is that many of you are trying to impose what you're idea of proper behavior entails. People are raised in many different cultures and generations with different ideas of what is acceptable. Someone else may not view it as rude to invite someone that is looking for that flashpoint without psting them. You expect everyone to behave the same as you and to change to fit what you believe to be proper, instead of the other way around.

 

To say that you're idea of what is proper conduct is better then someone else's is Arrogant and an example of Cultural Absolutism. You weren't raised like them and have no right to judge they're behavior. Its all about perception and the sooner you understand that everyone is differen't the sooner you might understand why they may not pst you first.

 

Of course many of what I just said, is thrown out when they behave in a way that can harm or hurt someone else.

 

 

Ok, I am going to resist the urge to become offended by your sweeping statement that everyone who has replied to this thread is out to force their beliefs and ideals on those who don't agree. I'm going to not become offended because I truly believe you mean no offense by what you say. I respect where you are coming from though. And the more I think about the entire issue, the more I think the last thing you stated is absolutely true in many cases.

 

Many people who just invite without pst-ing really do mean no disrespect and for me to get annoyed by it is extreme.

 

ALTHOUGH! And here is my although that my husband always rolls his eyes and sags a bit xD.....

 

Although some people ARE being thoughtless when they do this. And these are the ones that need to step up and realize there is a whole world of other people playing the game that they can interact with. Instead, they choose to play like a robot in their race to lvl 50. In my mind, it's selfish of THEM to expect others to have that way of thinking.

 

See where I'm comin' from? I totally agree with you to a point. I think a good meet in the middle is in order for many of us....especially if we wish to build a strong thriving community.

[Anionix]

I believe the analogy was to illustrate a point. If you don't agree with the sentiment, that's fine, but surely you can see the connection? I'm the type of person who wants to know why I'm being invited to group. I want to know up front.

 

Not really difficult to supply that info, but if the one doing the inviting is not keen on telling me or just wants to assume we are on the same objective, then it's likely it's a person I won't enjoy playing with anyway.

 

Like even you implied Kabjat, it all depends on the given situation. Obviously, if someone tried to group up with me on Fleet I'd flat out turn it down, but on a planet, where the intentions are fairly apparent, I'd accept before quickly checking if we're on the same level.

 

I think you're making too much out it, just decline their invite, people are not going to stop doing it because you said so on a forum. Personally, I don't invite without asking myself, but I certainly don't have a problem with it.

[Anionix]

That's a pretty subjective statement there, and not one which I feel to be true. I can't recall ever having someone invite me to a party without telling me what kind of party I was being invited to. But...maybe your experiences have been different. Okay. (shrug)

 

 

 

Yes, but the same argument could be used to support the other side of this argument. You're not spending an hour typing up a 2,000 word proposal, you're simply saying "Hey, would you like to do <insert quest>?"

 

Pretty simple.

 

Fair enough, I accept the argument. I just don't agree with it.

[ZedFighter]

even MORE astounding is when you hit decline, the invite reappears....as if the player thinks that there must be some mistake or he will wear me down by attrition.

 

My children do that when trying to get what they want. Too bad I don't have toggle auto-decline for them too. >.<

 

This really cracked me up!

 

Yesterday I had some dbag doing this over and over. I finally put'm on ignore. Some people fail so hard at being a decent human being it's sad.

[mrcaptainpants]

My problem is that many of you are trying to impose what you're idea of proper behavior entails. People are raised in many different cultures and generations with different ideas of what is acceptable. Someone else may not view it as rude to invite someone that is looking for that flashpoint without psting them. You expect everyone to behave the same as you and to change to fit what you believe to be proper, instead of the other way around.

 

To say that you're idea of what is proper conduct is better then someone else's is Arrogant and an example of Cultural Absolutism. You weren't raised like them and have no right to judge they're behavior. Its all about perception and the sooner you understand that everyone is differen't the sooner you might understand why they may not pst you first.

 

Of course many of what I just said, is thrown out when they behave in a way that can harm or hurt someone else.

 

You have some valid points here.

 

However, I don't think its quite as nefarious as you're making it out to be. I don't really feel that people are necessarily trying to impose their will on other people so much as explaining how they perceive things. I think this thread has been pretty successful in reminding me that cold invites without a pst aren't intended to be rude, and it has actually increased my tolerance for them a bit. I still find it a bit jarring that someone who wants me to group with them wouldn't think that actually speaking to me is a sign of courtesy, but, as you say, its probably a culture thing.

 

That said, understanding is a two-way street. When you say "To say that you're idea of what is proper conduct is better then someone else's is Arrogant and an example of Cultural Absolutism.", you probably should be including those on the other side of the argument, not just the people you happen to disagree with.

[SwiperNoSwiping]

Ok, I am going to resist the urge to become offended by your sweeping statement that everyone who has replied to this thread is out to force their beliefs and ideals on those who don't agree. I'm going to not become offended because I truly believe you mean no offense by what you say. I respect where you are coming from though. And the more I think about the entire issue, the more I think the last thing you stated is absolutely true in many cases.

 

Many people who just invite without pst-ing really do mean no disrespect and for me to get annoyed by it is extreme.

 

ALTHOUGH! And here is my although that my husband always rolls his eyes and sags a bit xD.....

 

Although some people ARE being thoughtless when they do this. And these are the ones that need to step up and realize there is a whole world of other people playing the game that they can interact with. Instead, they choose to play like a robot in their race to lvl 50. In my mind, it's selfish of THEM to expect others to have that way of thinking.

 

See where I'm comin' from? I totally agree with you to a point. I think a good meet in the middle is in order for many of us....especially if we wish to build a strong thriving community.

 

I agree with much of what you said. Its a two way street they have the right to behave the way they want, but you also have the right to not group up with them. But I don't think ether of the sides in necessarily right, and both should think of the other persons point of view and try to come to some type of compromise. I just don't think people that send out invites to those who post they are looking for a flash point without psting them first should automatically be considered bad guys.

[Kabjat]

Like even you implied Kabjat, it all depends on the given situation. Obviously, if someone tried to group up with me on Fleet I'd flat out turn it down, but on a planet, where the intentions are fairly apparent, I'd accept before quickly checking if we're on the same level.

 

I think you're making too much out it, just decline their invite, people are not going to stop doing it because you said so on a forum. Personally, I don't invite without asking myself, but I certainly don't have a problem with it.

 

Well, I can certainly respect your point. And that may be that I seem rather to have gotten my knickers in a twist over something tiny. But in the end, it's all a matter of opinion and preference. I can select to toggle auto decline invites just as you can do things the way you wish. We can all go on our merry way. xD

 

It's all subjective given the circumstances. I actually don't mind the wordless invites in an area where such things are commonplace and even make things go more smoothly. My complaint was originally centered around the situation where you are invited to group with no explanation and even when you try to initiate communication it's like pulling teeth. Happened to me this morning.

[Skylarke]

If I'm standing in front of a named NPC spawn and it's obvious we're both there for the same specific objective, a blind invite is fine.

 

However, if this is NOT the case, it is NEVER okay to send me a blind invite. A polite inquiry as to if I'm on the same questlines or if I'd like to fellow up for a bit (that means in REAL WORDS, no "u grp plz") will get a response from me and I'll either accept or decline politely.

Edited January 29, 2012 by Skylarke

[Sandybeaver]

People who expect to be "asked first" for a party invite, probably have no responsibility in real life and have had everything handed to them and think they are better than everyone.

 

Its a party invite, the guy is not asking for your freakin routing and account number.

[KnightDLR]

If I'm standing in front of a named NPC spawn and it's obvious we're both there for the same specific objective, a blind invite is fine.

 

However, if this is NOT the case, it is NEVER okay to send me a blind invite. A polite inquiry as to if I'm on the same questlines or if I'd like to fellow up for a bit (that means in REAL WORDS, no "u grp plz") will get a response from me and I'll either accept or decline politely.

 

Yes, the latter phrasing would make me a bit skeptical about grouping up.

 

As it stands right now, there are only about a handful of people that can blind invite me to a group, and they're either family or very close friends. (And we've probably discussed it either in /w or over the phone before hand.) The only other situation is that which has already been mentioned - when it's for a quest NPC and it's pretty obvious that we're both waiting for the same spawn. Otherwise, even a very brief "Want to help with X?" will pretty much guarantee that, if I'm not otherwise occupied (at which point, I will explain that), I'll accept the incoming invite. Otherwise, the invite will get declined without comment.

 

All it takes is the smallest act of courtesy to the other person to get it in return.

[KnightDLR]

People who expect to be "asked first" for a party invite, probably have no responsibility in real life and have had everything handed to them and think they are better than everyone.

 

Based on nearly 30 years of job experience and over 10 years playing games like this, I've found it's pretty much the other way around. As well, pretty much every time I've politely asked for assistance with something, I've gotten more responses than I can handle. I'm also pretty sure that my sincere "Thank you for the help." at the end hasn't hurt future queries for help either.

[Surakis]

Based on nearly 30 years of job experience and over 10 years playing games like this, I've found it's pretty much the other way around. As well, pretty much every time I've politely asked for assistance with something, I've gotten more responses than I can handle. I'm also pretty sure that my sincere "Thank you for the help." at the end hasn't hurt future queries for help either.

 

I've always found that those who don't want to be bothered unless they have a personal stake are more reflective of the OP.

[Jalden]

Inviting to a group *is* asking about it. Why ask twice?

[Phishums]

even MORE astounding is when you hit decline, the invite reappears....as if the player thinks that there must be some mistake or he will wear me down by attrition.

Lol. That gets them ignored; I've done that before and two seconds later a friend of theirs asked why I had to be so rude as to /ignore them, when they were just trying to help me. Oh, the irony.

 

Usually the random invites happen when you're hanging out near a heroic quest area, so when I'm NOT around one of those and get an invite, it's even weirder. After declining a time or two, I might get a message that says "I just want u to do a quest with me plz", and the other player is halfway across the map. o.O