So, I made a friend! ...yay?

[Rain_man_devo]

Tell you want to quest alone and that he should try doing things with other people or by himself. If that doesn't work simply /ignore him.

[crazyplaya]

Piece of advice.... whilst it apparently goes against your base nature, in this case forget about 'being polite'... being polite once he turned into creepy stalker boy was what has allowed this situation to detract from your enjoyment of the game.

 

/ignore is your friend USE it... if he turns up with an alt, /ignore that too and go about what you where going to do. If he starts griefing, put a ticket in regarding his behaviour... all of it.

 

Baseline, the guy is a freak, what he is doing is inappropriate.... but by interacting with him AT ALL you are encouraging it.

 

^

This

 

I had same problem in wow... In the end i had to report him as he did not take the hint...

Its a bit sad as im also a too friendly person and have problems with saying no...

 

I dont think these players are trying to be rude. But it could be that they are not that bright.. Or they could be very lonely in real life and that makes it even worse i guess....

 

Hope u get it solved... And plz do ignore him. I know it hurts but u will feel better after i promise

Edited March 18, 2012 by crazyplaya

[Gradivus]

Myees. I feel for you OP. I can very well imagine myself in your place. Having played MMO's for quite a long time, I can say from my own experience that stating your opinion very clearly (take out all "maybe's" and "should's") works most of the times. For the rest, there is the ignore function and, for those special cases, the report function. Customer Support takes these kinds of matters very seriously.

As said, he stopped being polite when he ignored your first request to leave you alone.

Edited March 18, 2012 by Gradivus

[chrisftw]

I'm here for another update. This is hilarious its almost better reading this thread than playing the game.

 

i want MOAR updates NAO!!

[Ellvaan]

Hey everyone!

 

As many have pointed out, the Ignore feature is available.

 

From our Customer Service Help Center:

 

How do I put someone on ignore?

 

To prevent chat or messages from a particular player being displayed, right-click on their name in the chat window and select 'Ignore', you can also do this by opening the social window (O) and selecting them there. Again, right-click and choose 'Ignore'. You can also select them in the open world (if they are nearby) and right-click their character portrait and choose 'Ignore' from there.

 

 

How do I take someone off my ignore list?

 

To adjust your ignore list, type O to open the Social menu, then click on the Ignore tab at the bottom of the pop-up window. This will show a list of all player characters you have chosen to ignore. To remove someone from this list, right-click on their name and select 'Stop Ignoring'.

 

Also if it gets to the level of actually being Harassment, please follow this procedure:

 

If /ignore is not of assistance, the profanity filter is deliberately circumvented, or if the harassment is serious enough to request further assistance from a Customer Service Agent, please click on the question mark icon on your game menu interface, and open a ticket with Customer Service. This will open a free form text box where you can provide further detail. It will send a notice directly to our Customer Service Agents who will then investigate the issue and act accordingly. Due to privacy restrictions, the Agent will not disclose to you any specific actions taken regarding the situation, but rest assured they will investigate and take action when appropriate.

 

We appreciate everyone's constructive and helpful responses!

 

We hope this helps!

[ScrabblePants]

Don't accept a group invite, say "Wait here" then go off about your day.

[Lammio]

Since Customer Service already stated their solutions for this matter, I will keep it short.

 

1. Ignore all chars he makes

2. If you log in and he is in the same spot he is, take him to Tatooine to the opposite faction camp. tell him to attack a guard, and you run away yourself. use the Emergency Fleet Pass and hop to another planet.

3. If he manages to find you after that in less then 15 minutes-> Report him, since he must be using an exploit program.

 

Good luck with this stalker, I hope things get solved shortly.

 

If you want to join, normal community and a fun active guild.

Come to EU PVE SERVER HYDIAN WAY. you can my guild.

[Tizzysawr]

If you want to join, normal community and a fun active guild.

Come to EU PVE SERVER HYDIAN WAY. you can my guild.

 

Why did this just sound to me like you're the stalker who created an alt on another server to try to keep control of poor Sunosan?

[Gradivus]

If he manages to find you after that in less then 15 minutes-> Report him, since he must be using an exploit program.

 

OR he's just typing the OP's name in the social window to see which planet he is on.

[GamerInDallas]

All you can do, is what you've been doing - just politely refuse every offer of help (even if you need help). If he asks you 12 times to group and you say no 11 times and then give in, all it teaches him is that it takes 12 times of asking to get your help. He is not seeing that you actually don't want help / don't want his company.

You may have to stop answering him altogether (in fact I would advise this, but i am aware from your posts that you want to be seen as nice and polite because HE is being polite). You don't have to put him on /ignore if you don't want to.

 

State firmly that you do not want his help. If he continues asking after this, he is actually NOT being nice, despite his innocuous language, he is ignoring your request (which is rude). After you have FIRMLY stated that you do not want help/do not want him to ask you about help then you must ignore future requests. You do not need to cuss or be rude yourself but you DO need to IGNORE WHAT HE IS SAYING. Just do not reply.

Do not reply nicely, do not reply rudely - just DO NOT REPLY AT ALL.

 

Also don't let him dictate which toon you are playing - using my advice should ensure that it doesn't matter which toon you are playing, because you will be ignoring every whisper he sends.

 

Best of luck

 

ROFL at OP. Sorry. It's hillarious until you're the one being stalked. This is so ridiculous it sounds made up, although - unfortunately - I'm pretty sure it's not.

 

Wow. You've definately got a rough situation with a stalker. I quoted Vex's advice because she's definately on the right track. You need her to follow you around and lay down the law to the guy. :-)

 

Sounds like the guy has a hard time comunicating in English and doesn't have very good social skills. Because of that, it sounds like he's having a hard time making friends in the game and clings to ANYONE who shows him kindness. You've shown him a lot of kindness and so he's clinging to you as tight as he can.

 

The first thing you need to do is admit to yourself that he is the one wronging YOU here. He's gone WAY over the line in what any normal person would consider decent and proper behavior. Even if I was on a foreign language server where I couldn't communicate with people I would not stalk someone day after day just waiting for them to come on line. The guy is not being considerate of your feelings and HE is really the one in the wrong here. Remember that. He's gone WAY over the line.

 

If you don't want to continue being miserable, you're going to have to lay down the law. I understand where you're coming from. I befriended a mentally handicaped girl many years ago and it was almost the exact same situation, but in real life. And I have some good hearted friends who are as considerate of other people as you are. On the other hand, I was raised in a family that was so manipulative that they would have made a good soap opera. Seriously. I learned to deal with manipulation. And that IS what this is; he's manipulating you to do what he wants.

 

Consider that not all gifts are given without an alterior motive. I've studied con artists a bit. One of the classic cons is to give someone a small gift in order to manipulate them into giving you a larger gift. I see this con being run all over the place. For example, there's an organization that I belong to because I believe in the work that they do, but they use agressive/con sales tactics to get donations. One of several things they do is offer a nice little $15 gift if you'll give a $50 "donation". This is a twist on the classic con, but it begs the question of why don't they just ask for a $35 donation? The way the classic con works is that when they offer you some small meaningless gift it makes the mark feel like they've been "given something". We don't necessarily rank or keep track of the exact value of what nice things people have done for us; we tend to just feel like we "owe" people when they do something nice for us. The con takes advantage of this by offering something small, playing on this human need to return kindness, and asking for something much larger in return. The con almost doesn't even have to ask for something larger, because we naturally want to help people who help us or are kind towards us.

 

Anyway, I say all this to point out that the guy is manipulating whether he's doing it conciously or not. And he's definately acting unfairly and unconsiderate towards you even if he's often very nice.

 

It sounds like you don't want to totally cut him off here and put him on /ignore or report him. So, you're really only got two choices here. 1) You can let him continue to make you miserable which in the end isn't going to help him because you will eventually blow up and do something like quit the game over this and then he won't have a friend anyway. There's no way this is going to turn out well for him by you continuing to allow him to manipulate you. Or 2) You HAVE to lay down the law. You have to ask yourself what you consider allowable in his behavior and what is over the line. Then you have to be consistant (and consistancy is very important here) and not allow him to step over the line.

 

You can continue to group up with him and be his friend. But when you've had enough you need to not allow him to step over the line. You are in complete control here because you have what he desperately wants: your time and friendship. That puts you in the driver's seat; I think you know that and are feeling guilty when you drive in any direction that makes him uncomfortable. But he's going to have to be uncomfortable with what you do at some point, even if it's you permenantly leaving the game. A lot of this goes back to what Vex was saying.

 

For example, you said you told him you wanted to work by yourself and then he came back 5 minutes later and insisted on grouping. A better approach might be to say EXACTLY what you want in no uncertain terms. You could have said, "I want to spend the next week working by myself in the game. If you would like, we can group up next Tuesday and work together." THAT's laying down the law. You've stated clearly what you are comfortable with and what you are not comfortable with. You've drawn the line in the sand and he either is considerate of your feelings and respects that line, or he is inconsiderate and crosses the line anyway. If you've stated VERY clearly (and you may have to be ridiculously clear on what you want here since he's likely to try and find a way around the line without crossing it), you then need to be a little rude in enforcing the rules. Maybe you need to put him on /ignore until next "Tuesday", after all you told him you want to be alone until then. And WHATEVER YOU DO do NOT accept an invitation to group with him until "Tuesday". You have to be VERY consistant in enforcing what you have CLEARLY stated as what is acceptable and what is not.

 

I think Vex said that if you keep giving in you're just training him that he will get his way if he just harasses you 12 times. You HAVE to train him, that NO number of times will allow him to avoid the "laws that you have laid down clearly". If you say, "We can't group together until next Tuesday." Then by golly you've GOT to make no acceptions to that. Otherwise, he will just learn that continuing to harass you gets results rather than learning that you are serious about the "law you've laid down" and that his best option is just to go find something else to do until next "Tuesday" because even if he waits for you every day, he's not going to get what he wants until "Tuesday".

 

I hope this helps. The bottom line is "lay down the law", "lay down the law so clearly that it cannot be misinturpreted or confused", enforce it by not allowing yourself to be manipulated, and you can still be kind and enjoy his friendship when it is benificial to both of you.

 

And ALWAYS REMEMBER that both in real life and online, allowing people to unfairly manipulate you is NOT being kind to them; eventually, you will get angry about it and be unkind to them anyway. Don't LET them push you to the point of blowing up. It won't help you and it won't help them to allow yourself to the point of blowing up. Instead, state clearly what you consider allowable, and what is unallowable because it bothers you. Then do not LET people do to you what you consider unallowable. You've clearly stated to them where the line is; if they cross it they've chosen to ignore your feelings and to do you wrong. Walk away from them (even for a little while) or do whatever it takes to not allow them to cross that line. In the end, it will be better for them if they can learn to be a friend to you rather than constantly making you uncomfortable.

[dosadnik]

ROFL at OP. Sorry. It's hillarious until you're the one being stalked. This is so ridiculous it sounds made up, although - unfortunately - I'm pretty sure it's not...

 

LOL dude your post is longer than the Patch notes.

[Lammio]

Why did this just sound to me like you're the stalker who created an alt on another server to try to keep control of poor Sunosan?

 

You got me there:p:D

[GamerInDallas]

As I was re-reading my post, I realized I may have not emphasised something enough. In your previous posts you said that you stated what was NOT allowable, such as stating "I don't want to group right now. I want to solo for awhile." But one of my main points is that you need to state what IS allowable to people like this. He's going to go to extreme lengths trying to figure out what is allowable. If you tell him what IS allowable, he no longer has to try at random to find what "is allowable". For example, by saying "I don't want to group right now." tells him what ISN'T allowable, but he has no idea what IS allowable. So, he's probably going to try to figure out at random what IS allowable by coming back every 5 minutes going "Is it allowable now? What about now? Now?". You could instead state what IS allowable with something like, "I want to spend some time soloing. I don't want to group right now. We could meet back up to group tomorrow night at 8PM Eastern time and work together, if you want." Now you've said what IS allowable, and he no longer has to guess. If he's at ALL a normal person, he's probably going to stop bugging you every five minutes when you've told him he can have what he wants at a specific time on specific day. You've taken all the guess work out of it for him. Plus, giving him a specific time and specific day should make it easier for you to not allow him to harass you in the meantime, because you haven't said no but rather wait. If he ignores your "wait" then he's obviously been inconsiderate of your feelings and it will be easier to INSIST that he wait.

 

I just wanted to point out that the biggest mistake that people make in your situation is not stating what IS allowable and not spelling out what is not allowable clearly enough that it can't be misinturpreted. Remember that anything you say to someone like this is going to be viewed in the most "optimistic" light possible. If you say, "I don't want to group right now." Then they are going to assume that 5 minutes from now is not "now" and you'll be ready to group. But if you state clearly what IS allowable, it takes all of the guess work out of it for them and they now know how to NOT annoy you. He probably isn't trying to annoy you intentionally - he obviously wants to be your friend, he's just not considering your feelings and oblivious to the fact that he's bothering you. Spelling out clearly what IS allowable may help tremendously in getting him to leave you alone when you want some time alone.

[princemjt]

lmao this is one funny story..follow plz..come plz..buy plz..15k plz..heal plz..quest..plzz..share plzz

[TOURDallas]

Is it wrong of me to secretly wish OP's problem doesn't get solved for my entertainment?

 

If I were you, I'd simply kill off my old main, sell all his **** and send money, gear and mats to an alt. You know as well as I, no matter how many of his alts you /ignore, you'll always look over your shoulder, waiting for someone with a name you don't recognize, whisper: "Hi, omw!"

Edited March 19, 2012 by TOURDallas

[Damon_Mott]

Make some level 50 opposite faction friends by rolling an alt on the opposite faction side. Then log on your main. Tell this guy to meet you in some contested zone where you flag for PvP.

 

Laugh while your opposite faction friends gang smack him at the designated meeting place. Then let him know this will happen every time he wants to group with you. He'll get the message.

[O-Deka-K]

You HAVE to train him, that NO number of times will allow him to avoid the "laws that you have laid down clearly". If you say, "We can't group together until next Tuesday." Then by golly you've GOT to make no acceptions to that.

 

What is this guy, a dog? You have to train him to be a better person? Turn him from someone who's "incredibly annoying" into someone who's just "tolerable"? Although I understand where you're coming from, I don't think it's worth the time and effort (and stress).

 

OP, this is your game and you're paying a subscription fee to play it. If this guy bothers you so much that you have to make alts to deliberately avoid him, then pretty soon you're going to quit because you don't want to deal with him anymore.

 

Him being nice to you is clearly a facade, because he doesn't respect your wishes, which means he doesn't respect YOU. If he's not mature enough to understand this (is he really 33?), then it's his own fault.

 

Put him on /ignore, as well as any alts he makes. Don't feel sorry for him, and definitely don't feel guilty about it. Do it and save your sanity. A video game shouldn't stress you out.

[lambandmartyre]

Try this /ignore him then go to a different instance, like if you and him are on korriban1 go to korriban 2, after a day or too you probly won't even notice him following you hiding behind bushes like some messed up hobbit looking for his precious. Also to help you get your point across write down that you have enjoyed his company but would like to level solo for a while if you need help you will contact him, on a notepad copy and paste in to google translate for english -> greek that should make it crystal clear at that point. And you don't come off rude. Edited March 19, 2012 by lambandmartyre

[EraniBW]

Hi OP,

 

I agree with the advice most people have given before, which is to firmly express your desire to go solo or /ignore. I'll confess that this is so totally hilarious that I almost wish he continues stalking you for my entertainment Just kidding, hope the situation gets resolved...still one of the funniest things I've read on these forums. Best thread ever!

[amantheil]

What is this guy, a dog? You have to train him to be a better person? Turn him from someone who's "incredibly annoying" into someone who's just "tolerable"? Although I understand where you're coming from, I don't think it's worth the time and effort (and stress).

 

OP, this is your game and you're paying a subscription fee to play it. If this guy bothers you so much that you have to make alts to deliberately avoid him, then pretty soon you're going to quit because you don't want to deal with him anymore.

 

Him being nice to you is clearly a facade, because he doesn't respect your wishes, which means he doesn't respect YOU. If he's not mature enough to understand this (is he really 33?), then it's his own fault.

 

Put him on /ignore, as well as any alts he makes. Don't feel sorry for him, and definitely don't feel guilty about it. Do it and save your sanity. A video game shouldn't stress you out.

 

This x1000. Whatever is going on with this guy, there's something wrong. He's being creepy and annoying. And the fact that he is a 'nice guy' doesn't change that fact. I have people in-game who I've known for years in MMOs that I consider to be friends - and we all understand and are respectful of the fact that sometimes a person wants to quest on their own or do stuff with someone else or whatever.

 

I agree with these steps:

1. Explain politely that you don't want to play with him
   
2. Explain again
   
3. Explain again, now more rudely
   
4. /ignore him
   
5. /ignore any of his alts
   
6. Log in during the night and go to Tatooine and hide in the middle of the desert
   
7. Go to your starship where you're safe
   
8. And seriously, report him for harrassment
   

 

Except I'd remove steps 6 and 7. You should not have to run and hide to avoid someone. If you told him you're not interested in grouping with him, and he still harasses you, then /ignore him and report him for harassment. If he keeps bothering you on other characters, or even if he follows you while you have him on /ignore, then keep reporting him. It may take several steps (Bioware may first issue a warning, then harsher punishment each time it occurs).

 

But you are being harassed and stalked, regardless of how nice or helpful he's been in the past, and it needs to stop.

[Sunosan]

All you can do, is what you've been doing - just politely refuse every offer of help (even if you need help). If he asks you 12 times to group and you say no 11 times and then give in, all it teaches him is that it takes 12 times of asking to get your help. He is not seeing that you actually don't want help / don't want his company.

You may have to stop answering him altogether (in fact I would advise this, but i am aware from your posts that you want to be seen as nice and polite because HE is being polite). You don't have to put him on /ignore if you don't want to.

 

State firmly that you do not want his help. If he continues asking after this, he is actually NOT being nice, despite his innocuous language, he is ignoring your request (which is rude). After you have FIRMLY stated that you do not want help/do not want him to ask you about help then you must ignore future requests. You do not need to cuss or be rude yourself but you DO need to IGNORE WHAT HE IS SAYING. Just do not reply.

Do not reply nicely, do not reply rudely - just DO NOT REPLY AT ALL.

 

Also don't let him dictate which toon you are playing - using my advice should ensure that it doesn't matter which toon you are playing, because you will be ignoring every whisper he sends.

 

Best of luck

 

Awesome Advice, thank you!

 

Also, GamerInDallas - thanks for that. I read it (yup, all of it) and threw some of it around with a friend of mine who agreed for the most part.

 

to the op: grow a pair.[/Quote]

 

I did.

 

I didnt know my suffering was such a cause for peoples amusement! If I had know, I would have youtubed the entire experience to make myself a few million - Yes, I joke,, It was a stressful but humourous experience.

 

Anyway, to update you all, I took your adivce and decided to "grow a pair" (Thanks for that Crunchyblack) - I logged on with the intent of putting him on ignore.

 

He was waiting for me again and instantly whispered me "Hi Lets quest!" and I replied "No."

I got a "???" and a few group invites I declined and turned away to begin questing where I left off. He sent me another whisper saying "Ok :(" and I put him on ignore.

 

Fast forward 30 minutes, I run out to quest on Tatooine and im not really paying attention as I go along, doing random quests. I finish a few and head back to turn them in and, turning around, I see him run behind a rock (I kid you not!) so - to prove to myself I wasnt being paranoid - I mounted up and dide a huge figure 8 around the map and just like the mafia, he is two cars behind me, following me.

When I stopped, he would dash behind the nearest piece of scenery and wait until I started moving again.

To what end, I had no idea - he wasnt even helping me kill mobs - he just followed me around.

 

This went on until I logged off to go to bed. I logged on today tho and he isnt online so, fingers crossed.

I am unsure where to go from here though - it's obvious to me he is following me around, but he is just another player on the same planet I happen to be on - he isnt spamming me with emotes, he isnt kill-stealing or shouting profanities about me in general chat - he isnt doing anything to credit him as reportable.

 

You could say "He is obviously harassing you by following you, report him!" But how would a GM deal with that? You cant punish somebody online for being 30 feet infront of/behind you.

Where do I go from here? Im actually at a loss as to what to do next. Other than stick to my alt.

[A_Plastik_Spoon]

This thread gave me a few laughs, especially when he started following you and dashing behind rocks

 

Which server did you say you were on? I would very much like to see this guy myself

[metaflibble]

While I admit the creepy factor is pretty darn high with this guy, I myself had a similar experience playing EQ back in 99.

 

Had a little druid roll up to our group at the "bronze bandits" in Lesser Fay who knew almost no English. He wouldn't leave so we just invited him into the group. Turns out he was German and we were the first people to ever group with him because of the language barrier.

 

He did his job well enough and I admit he followed us around for a month doing almost the same thing as the OP stalker, but we kept being nice and letting him quest with us. (a group of 3 or 4 friends) Long story a little shorter, he learned English from playing with us and joined our guild. He turned out to be a fantastic guy and was very embarrassed (after learning English) at how he came off originally when he was lost in an English speaking game and how grateful he was we gave him the time of day.

 

Just food for thought.

[wackyhazdasaxman]

I think that this stalker dude is trolling you. Brutally trolling you, hard, with no form of contraception. If this is the case (or if it turns out he's actually a little bit insane) he will probably threaten to commit suicide unless you play with him. At least that's what I'd do if I was trolling someone in this manner.

 

I'm not condoning it btw. A for effort if he is trolling though, waiting in the same spot for that length of time...

[GamerInDallas]

To OP, I came back to check the thread and how things are going. A lot of what I wrote was in response to some of the things you wrote that indicated that maybe you wanted to continue a friendship with this person.

 

It's really all about clearly setting your boundries with people on what is allowable and what isn't allowable in your relationships. Some of this happens quite naturally, but sometimes it doesn't.

 

Anyway, this guy has clearly gone way over the line. Any advice I gave was really on the grounds that you want to continue the friendship on some level. There's nothing that says you have to be best friends with everyone you meet. If you don't want to hang out with him, there's nothing wrong with that. You can respect people, be kind to them, and not hang out with them. You can't spend time with everyone on the planet who wants someone to spend some time with them. You have to set limits as to what you are willing to give to people, what is appropriate to give of yourself to people, and what's just going to make you resentful and ultimately help no one. Don't ever let people push you beyond what you are willing to give. In the long run that will just make you resentful and help no one.

 

I would say that the best route is to always be open, honest, and kind with people and basically treat them the way you would like to be treated. But that doesn't mean that you have to let them manipulate you or even that you have to spend all of your time with them.

 

Whatever you do, be consistant with it. Someone gave me a hard time with a comment something along the lines of "What is he a dog?". People would be suprised at how much we have in common with dogs. I think I picked up the word "training" from one of the other posts, but the lessons learned from Pavlov's dogs are applicable to humans. When you give someone something they want (for example spending time with this person out of a feeling of guilt rather than just enjoying their company) you are rewarding them and encouraging them to do again the things that worked previously.

 

Anyway, there's nothing wrong with telling him kindly and honestly that you don't want to play with him and then putting him on /ignore if he doesn't respect your wishes.

 

And quite frankly I think the GM's will understand where you're coming from and take your side on this one. He's stalking you to the point of ridiculous. Personally, I would try ignoring him for a couple of days with 100% consistancy, and then - if that doesn't work - report him. At that point, I feel confident that reporting him is the right thing to do and that the GM's will see what he's doing as harassment.

Edited March 20, 2012 by GamerInDallas