possumcatcher Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Well, since I play mostly play Imperial and I roll dark side, I suspect most of my companions will be here complaining about what a piece of crap I am except SCORPIO who seems to love everything I do. Makes sense to think since I seem to always lose affection from companions and never seem to gain. Oh well, at least HK-51 is happy because I let him kill alot. :'( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yoyobear Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Dear Bioware and/or Republic Requisitions, I am writing to you to inquire about the status of the latest arms shipment to Havoc squad. It would seem that our hardware has long since fallen behind the requirements of the modern battlefield. The slow loading B78X Grav Round is rapidly becoming obsolete, and the much hyped Electric Retention Net has too large of a power draw to use with most of our suits current capacitors (Its never charged when we need it). Add to that the massive recoil on these unwieldy, heavy, and yet somehow still grossly inefficient autocannons that have traditionally been issued to the squad and have forced us to lock our armor while firing, and you see how sorry of a state we are reaching. We have been working over a few newer designs, some nice assault rifles or at least some sort of recoil absorbers to increase our mobility would make all the difference. Also, if it is not too much trouble, I would ask you to look over the weapon specializations of our squad once more before the next shipment. Our demolitions expert is not trained in melee weapons and yet we still have no carbine for him, the medic is complaining about a lack of military grade pistols, and the CO has taken to using standard rifles simply to avoid some of the problems of these cannons that you insist we use. On a personal note, my training and background is in long distance marksmanship and sniper engagements, these are difficult functions to perform with a cannon. With all due respect, Lieutenant Aric Jorgan, XO, Republic Special Forces Squad Havoc. This post is great. It's funny and true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshenK Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Mmmrnrnnrrr! Hhrawr rrrabrbrrrrr. Brbbrrr? Brmrmmrmrbrrrr! Brbrbr nnrrr mrrr rmrbbrrrmrmmrrrawr. Brr. Brrrrtkkrrrrr. Rawrbrrrmemrbrrrrrr. Cbrrrmrmmrrnnrroar. Bbrmrmrmrmmrbbrrr. Brbrmrmrbrbbarbbrbrbbrr! Bbrrmmrbrrr rrrrr Mrrmrbrrrbr. Mrbbrbrbawr! MMrrrarrr. Nrmmrmrbrbrrr arrrrwwrrrrrr! Mrmmr brbr mr ramrmmrmrmrmrmrr hrurrrrawwrrrrrrr. RmMrmmrmrmrr? MRmrmarmmhrharrrrrrrrrr. -Bowdaar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LVCommando Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 I'm Commander Shepard and this is my favorite thread on the forums. This post made me ROFLMAO so much I had to go watch the ROFLMAO video. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthGile Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Dear Bioware, There is a notorious smuggler aboard my husband's ship. He is the reason for various Hutt-related incidents across the galaxy. He has dark hair, a stupid face, and always has a dumb smirk. I fear that if I try to turn him in myself, my life will be in jeopardy. Please send a battle cruiser and escort this defiant crime-lord off my ship. Love, Kira -- Two days later --- Dear Bioware, I was recently removed from my buddy's ship, due to outrageous allegations. I believe that this was a possible hoax, orchestrated by various angry boyfriends during my journeys in the galaxy. Ya see, I don't mean to brag.. but women just tend to obsess over me.. even the taken ones. I wish to be pardoned of all crimes I did, could have done, or may do in the future. I just cannot fathom how the Republic would accuse such a witty and cavallier combat medic of crimes against the Republic... It's unthinkable! And honestly just plain rude! This could really hurt a guy's image, ya know? Regards, Doc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShmickB Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 ^^ nice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AshlaBoga Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 There were complications writing this message, please don't shut me down! -Ship droid Me: "Shut you down? I'm turning you into scrap and shoving you out the airlock! Die!!!!" P.S: God I couldn't understand why Han hated C3 until I got my ship droid... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tentou Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Dear BioWare, Did I mention I'm a pacifist? T. Cedrax I lol'd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evensong Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) Dear BioWare I am deeply disturbed by my Master's behavior. As you know recently my master acquired droid HK-51 and from that time not only he refuses to take me or for that matter anybody else on any mission, but I've heard him mutter to himself that droid's the only one with the brain here. I was very hurt by this accusation. When I confronted him, he just said it was 10x easier to do mission with it. I riposted that maybe easier, but not as much fun... for this he and droid just exchanged looks like they had an internal joke about it... And yesterday I found out that all crew's shirts got painted target markers on their backs. And droid's singing something about deleting troublemakers.... when asked... he said he was composing Opera.... did I just said he??? IT IT IT!!!!!!!! Please Help Me BioWare!, You are my only Hope. Kira Edited March 22, 2013 by Evensong Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthGile Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 (edited) Dear BioWare I am deeply disturbed by my Master's behavior. As you know recently my master acquired droid HK-51 and from that time not only he refuses to take me or for that matter anybody else on any mission, but I've heard him mutter to himself that droid's the only one with the brain here. I was very hurt by this accusation. When I confronted him, he just said it was 10x easier to do mission with it. I riposted that maybe easier, but not as much fun... for this he and droid just exchanged looks like they had an internal joke about it... And yesterday I found out that all crew's shirts got painted target markers on their backs. And droid's singing something about deleting troublemakers.... when asked... he said he was composing Opera.... did I just said he??? IT IT IT!!!!!!!! Please Help Me BioWare!, You are my only Hope. Kira Bioware = maker // T7 = needs help! T7 + Kira + Doc + Rusk = scared // Lord Scourge = apathetic about new danger T7 = does not like HK-51 // HK-51 = defective droid + needs repairs HK-51 = spray painted target reticle on T7's chassis! // T7 = 17 percent unstoppable against HK-51 T7 + Kira + Doc + Rusk = request for HK-51 to be sent back to factory // Lord Scourge = wants more HK-51's Jedi = enjoys HK-51 more than T7 // T7 = afraid // T7 = angry // T7 = hateful // T7 = currently suffering T7 = requests for HK-51 to be dropped on Quesh // T7 + Desolator weapon = Quesh + HK-51 neutralized T7 = dark side calculations // T7 = wants more power // Unlimited power = T7 unstoppable! Edited March 22, 2013 by DarthGile Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pandemoniac Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Rrrrooooaaarrrrr! Rawf! Rawllllll! Rrrr-rrr-rroooaaar!!!! Rrr-rrroaafl! Roarrrr-raaaawwwlll!!!!, Rrooooaaar Bowdar! Translation: "Dear Bioware, After six months, I am still wondering if you will ever make a bowcaster that wookies can use? Seriously, has anyone at your company ever seen Star Wars? Sincerely, Bowdar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Callaron Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Dear BioWare, Did I mention I'm a pacifist? T. Cedrax Hah, thanks for the instant snickers! I could totally see him do that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beniboybling Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Kaliyo - This user has been permanently banned for breaking several forum guidelines.My favourite. --------------- Urgent Request: Dear administrative organics, I have encountered a great many number of hostile undesirables on these virtual forums who are in need of immediate liquidation. But my inability to access their locations makes fulfilling this mission parameter statistically impossible. It is therefore my request that you provide this assassination unit with the names and addresses of these undesirables in question, so that I may begin facilitating communications and bring about the termination of hostilities. In the Maker's name. - HK-51 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthXout Posted March 22, 2013 Share Posted March 22, 2013 Kaliyo - This user has been permanently banned for breaking several forum guidelines. Shove off and take that with you. Kaliyo Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Emanrahc Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 Dear Bioware, Please install pillion seats on all speeders. We are getting increasingly fed-up with having to ride in the luggage compartment. - All companions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AlrikFassbauer Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) Dear Bioware, RAWR, Love, Bowdarr Best one ! *thumbs up* Edited March 23, 2013 by AlrikFassbauer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KyaniteD Posted March 23, 2013 Share Posted March 23, 2013 (edited) Dear TPTB, farmboy is becoming irritating beyond the expected level of nuisance on a ship full of mercs. Every morning I stumble over his body because he cried himself to sleep in front of our bedroom door. That's before I had my first cup of coffee!! This puts me in a bad mood, which puts the Captain in a bad mood and then the rest of the crew is complaining all day long. This lovesick puppy is interfering with our carefree merriness. We tried to leave him behind on various planets, but whenever we dock at Carrick Station he slips back aboard. Akaavi already offered to take care of him. I'll beat her to the shot if you don't fix this. - Fix security on Carrick Station. - Install a coffeemaker in our bedroom. - Let our shipment of slave collars and leashes pass customs. It's been sitting there for 3 months now and I'm running out of improvised restraints to keep him planetside long enough for us to leave the system. We paid the Cartel a good sum of coins for it. We deserve to have it. Whateveryourstandardgreetingis, Risha PS: Let me buy some upgradeable armor that's not garish-looking and actually worthy of a refined sniper Soon™-to-be ruler of a planet. Edited March 23, 2013 by KyaniteD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eshmael Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Hello Bioware, that opportune ***hole of a shipowner on wich you send me living keeps deja vu'ing every damn interaction with me until i love what he says. Please disable the ESC key on companion communications. If i have to constantly hear every conversation on and on again i am getting totally nuts. Every companion (who isn't nuts right away) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HumanPirhana Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 I hereby proclaim this thread full of win. Easily my favorite thread on the SWTOR forums. Keep it up people, this is good stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eldrake Posted March 26, 2013 Share Posted March 26, 2013 Dear Scorekeeper, Why has Scorekeeper deserted me? I am good, law abiding Transdoshan, yet nothing either me or the Herald does seems to gain me favour in your eyes. Instead of gaining the prominence that a hunter of my caliber deserves, i instead have to watch weak soulless companions quickly surpass me in your eyes. Why?! Why do you hate me so Scorekeeper? I know i am shamed in your eyes, but your Herald interceded on my behalf and we have since gained many points from countless near impossible hunts. Yet despite this, i feel that all my conversations with the Herald fail to find favour with you. The Herald, being a kindhearted soul, even tried to give me gifts which i could then use on hunts in your honour, but even this seemed to meet with scant approval. I am at a loss, Scorekeeper. Tell your humble hunter what it is that you want him and, if required, the Herald to do and it shall be done. Anything! Just give me a sign of how to gain the favour which you appear to show to everyone else! Your devoted servant, Qyzen Fess, companion of the your Herald Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bagofhamsters Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 My lord, I hate to disturb you in your venture of conquering all who oppose the glorious Empire with your awe-inspiring and unparalleled feats, and I assuredly do not wish to tattle, as it were, but it seems someone aboard this vessel [and I am not inclined to name names, but I'm 99% certain it is Lt. Pierce] has been dressing up the exhumed corpse of Moff Broysc and hiding him about my quarters. All attempts to rectify this matter have been rebuked, often with pointed carbine cleaning and crude insinuations regarding Sith undergarments. Until further notice, I shall be relocating to the bridge, taking great pains not to disturb standard ship operating procedures. Yours faithfully, Malavai Quinn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
idnewton Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 'Insolent worm!' *Slaps Khem* 50 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
conscioushours Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Bioware = maker // T7 = needs help! T7 + Kira + Doc + Rusk = scared // Lord Scourge = apathetic about new danger T7 = does not like HK-51 // HK-51 = defective droid + needs repairs HK-51 = spray painted target reticle on T7's chassis! // T7 = 17 percent unstoppable against HK-51 T7 + Kira + Doc + Rusk = request for HK-51 to be sent back to factory // Lord Scourge = wants more HK-51's Jedi = enjoys HK-51 more than T7 // T7 = afraid // T7 = angry // T7 = hateful // T7 = currently suffering T7 = requests for HK-51 to be dropped on Quesh // T7 + Desolator weapon = Quesh + HK-51 neutralized T7 = dark side calculations // T7 = wants more power // Unlimited power = T7 unstoppable! That's just brilliant, makes me want to play the JK story again. Now I feel bad that there are still 2 (well, one and a half) storylines that I haven't played so I don't know all the companions yet. But this is so far my favorite thread on the forums, keep 'em coming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tausser Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 Dear Bioware, Can you arrange to get my player laid in real life so he'll stop 'romancing' me? Signed, A Female Companion Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BadOrb Posted March 27, 2013 Share Posted March 27, 2013 M1-4X " BioWare I really enjoy destroying the imperials on a regular basis. We dance on their corpses and sing after every completed mission , havok squad are very happy on a regular basis and they require more imperial scum to defeat immediately!" He wanted me to pass on the message. Cheers, BadOrb. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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