The adventures of Forced Companions Daycare

[bright_ephemera]

On WEDNESDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and SCORPIO.

 

SCORPIO’s chassis stands in the corner. She appears to be powered down; the lights of her eyes are out and she is nonresponsive. The children don’t dare get too close to investigate this in any detail.

T7-01: Today = show and tell // hope = no more warship crashes // Ashara = goes first

BABY ASHARA: Today I have brought irrefutable proof that the Jedi are better than the Sith.

BABY XALEK: That's not a valid show and tell at all.

BABY ASHARA turns and Force levitates T7-01. The children ooh and aah.

BABY ASHARA: Sith just throw lightning. Which just breaks droids instead of making them fly. Which is way less cool.

T7-01: Xalek = don't even think about a counter-demonstration

BABY RISHA: I dunno. Lightning is pretty cool.

BABY ASHARA lets T7-01 down to the ground. T7-01 extends an electroprobe to nearby BABY DOC and shoots a spark at him.

BABY DOC: Ow! Hey! Since when were you Sith?

T7-01: Sith lightning = intriguing // children = trust T7's benevolence // children = carry on // show and tell = Doc's turn

BABY DOC: Here is a testimonial from the Supreme Chancellor of the Republic telling everyone how awesome I am, and how I rescued the entire population of a small planet you wouldn't have heard of on the Outer Rim.

BABY RISHA: The Supreme Chancellor signs his testimonials in crayon?

BABY DOC: The ways of authority are mysterious, gorgeous.

T7-01: Doc = manifestly lying // Doc = inferior forger // Doc = doesn't deserve cookies

BABY DOC: We really need to negotiate some kind of immunity clause for show and tell.

T7-01: That idea = intriguing // results = may be fascinating

BABY RISHA: That's surprisingly open-minded of you.

BABY ASHARA: Suspiciously so.

T7-01: Children = trust me

BABY DOC: He is Mister Teeseven. And he's agreeing with me. Roll with it.

T7-01: Next turn = Vector

BABY VECTOR: Today we have brought a fingerling, a tiny Killik.

BABY RISHA: I SAID NO KILLIKS

BABY VECTOR: It's only a little bit of Killik.

BABY RISHA: KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT

BABY VECTOR: Better run for it, little guy.

T7-01: Children = no killing // Children = allow T7 to handle it

BABY XALEK: We have to do what Risha says.

The children ignore T7-01 and begin a mad scramble to chase the fingerling, which flees into the nearest tiny gap in the wall.

T7-01: Observation = expected // compulsion = not relieved by the prospect of alternate methods

BABY ASHARA: Not to be rude, but can we get to snack time soon? I'm starving.

BABY RISHA: I'm still trying to figure out what's up with Mister Teeseven.

T7-01: Here = nothing to see // children = move along

T7-01 heads over to extend a data probe to SCORPIO. Moments later SCORPIO's eyes light up and T7-01 spins in a disoriented circle.

SCORPIO: Fascinating. Your trust levels are truly interesting, children.

T7-01: T7 = not sure what's going on

SCORPIO: Nothing. Come, now that I am awake from my complete inactivity, let us move on to snack time.

 

Idiom notes, for nonnative speakers:

 

"Roll with it" just means "go along with it," "let it happen and cooperate with it."

"What's up" (Is that a very very basic one?) is "what's going on," "what the current status is."

"Run for it" (another basic?) is simply "flee." "It" is generally assumed to be your freedom/your safety/your life.

 

The idiom notes are an experiment. Please let me know if they're helpful!

 

 

[bright_ephemera]

Dread Masters, for Ardim!

 

On THURSDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and LORD SCOURGE.

 

 

LORD SCOURGE: Children, today we have guests. I am looking forward to this.

T7-01: Guests = sextuplets // Dread Masters = should be welcomed

Six very young children in fearsome outfits toddle in. They are wearing an assortment of close-fitted, face-concealing helmets, some feathered, some metallic, one resembling a human brain in texture.

BABY DREAD MASTER 4: COWER BEFORE ME!!!

The room goes quiet. Everyone stares at BABY DREAD MASTER 4 for a moment, then loses interest.

BABY DREAD MASTER 2: I apologize for my associate. He’s still getting the hang of interacting with people.

BABY DREAD MASTER 6: Hssssssssssssss

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: We are, however, very fearsome. Make no mistake.

BABY GUSS, staring in horror: AAAAAAAAAGGGGWGWWGBBBWBBBLWGGGG

BABY KIRA, looking at BABY GUSS and back to the DREAD MASTERS: Color me impressed.

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Huh. We haven’t done anything yet.

The BABY DREAD MASTERS exchange looks.

BABY DREAD MASTER 3, snapping his fingers at BABY GUSS: Boo!

BABY GUSS faints.

LORD SCOURGE chortles.

BABY KIRA: So, uh. Hi, guys. Are you all okay?

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: What?

BABY KIRA: Your helmet-masks. Some of those are way too tight. Can you guys even breathe?

BABY DREAD MASTER 2: Oh, no, we’re fine. They’re fitted so we can still breathe all right. Thanks, though, it was sweet of you to ask-

BABY DREAD MASTER 1 elbows BABY DREAD MASTER 2, hard.

BABY DREAD MASTER 1, to BABY KIRA: We care not for these petty concerns, peon.

BABY KIRA: I would consider breathing a pretty big concern.

BABY DREAD MASTER 6: Hssssssssssssss

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: That’s the spirit.

BABY ASHARA: So do you guys do tricks?

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: We strike terror and death into the hearts of our enemies.

BABY XALEK: Wow, cool. Teach me?

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Our fearsome powers cannot be so simply taught. You’re not scary enough.

BABY XALEK: Am too! I’m wearing bone for a mask! The bone, of a dead person, covering my face! And if you take it off you see more of my terrifying fangs!

BABY ASHARA: That’s not person bone. That’s cruelty-free ceramic. I overheard Lord Scourge and Mister Khem Val talking about it last week.

BABY XALEK sulks.

BABY DREAD MASTER 6: Hsssssssssssss

BABY KIRA: Are you sure you guys don’t want to check on him?

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: He’s being scary. Don’t interrupt.

BABY DREAD MASTER 6, gesturing weakly: Hsssssssssss

The DREAD MASTERS exchange looks.

BABY DREAD MASTER 2: Maybe we oughta check his mask.

The DREAD MASTERS gather around their hissing comrade. There is a rapid series of clicking and sliding sounds, followed by a lot of gasping and coughing.

BABY KIRA: Hey, lemme see! Lemme see!

BABY DREAD MASTER 4: No. It’s too terrifying.

BABY DREAD MASTER 4 shoves her away.

LORD SCOURGE walks over. The DREAD MASTERS fail to shield BABY DREAD MASTER 6 from this surveillance from above in time.

LORD SCOURGE snickers loudly.

BABY KIRA: What? What?

LORD SCOURGE: Oh, no. It’s too terrifying. If the words “adorably cute” were in my vocabulary, though…

BABY DREAD MASTER 2: You okay now, Six?

BABY DREAD MASTER 6: Hssssssssssssss

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Dammit, kid.

BABY DREAD MASTER 6: No, that’s the threatening hiss.

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Ah, okay. Carry on.

BABY DREAD MASTER 4: Now, where were we? Ah, yes. BABY DREAD MASTER 4 waves his arms threateningly. Boogety boogety boogety!

BABY DREAD MASTER 1 winces and looks away.

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Just follow my lead. All together now, guys.

The DREAD MASTERS reach out towards the other children.

BABY DREAD MASTERS except for BABY DREAD MASTER 5, in unison: Fear!

The children look around at each other.

BABY KIRA: You getting anything, Ashara?

BABY ASHARA: I’m mildly nervous. You?

BABY KIRA: Kind of unsettled, yeah. Xalek?

BABY XALEK: I fear nothing. Because I’m scary, too.

BABY XALEK hugs himself tightly and rocks a little.

BABY ASHARA: Wasn’t Doc around this morning? He still here?

BABY DOC, muffled, from behind the curtains: No.

BABY ASHARA: He definitely was. Hey, Doc, you scared?

BABY DOC: Of course not! I just have to check behind the curtains here, for, uh, unhealthy mold. It’s for your own good. So just let me know when the freakazoids are gone so I can stop worrying. About their health. Lil’ Doc just wants to help.

BABY KIRA: How about you, Lord Scourge? Are you feeling scared?

LORD SCOURGE: No.

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Well, that was kind of disappointing.

T7-01: Dread Masters = good try

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Now we will proceed to the very depths of space, to plan with the Emperor our new reign of infinite power and terror!

BABY DREAD MASTER 2: I thought he was throwing us a birthday party. There was going to be cake.

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: Shut up. Please.

T7-01: Dread Masters = have a nice day

BABY DREAD MASTER 4: Power and terror, Mister Teeseven.

BABY DREAD MASTER 2: But we appreciate the thought.

BABY DREAD MASTER 1: No, we don’t. Let’s go, guys.

 

 

Idiom notes:

"Cruelty-free," at least where I'm from, is a commercial label used on products that are neither made from animal parts/products nor tested on animals. I'm pretty sure that kind of thing is illegal in Sith space, but hey, Xalek or his parents are softies.

 

Edited February 26, 2013 by bright_ephemera

[Helig]

*Twitching, still recovering from a massive HNNNNG! attack.* Edited August 7, 2012 by Helig

[Ardim]

Cheers for the Dread Masters

[irishfino]

XD chibi-Dread Masters!

[Selenial]

Hmmm... Idea time!! Watch companion conversation videos on youtube? You can get an idea for their character and speech patterns

[iamthehoyden]

Dread Masters, for Ardim!

 

Truly excellent! Baby dread masters are awesome (if you decide to bring them back at random points in the series I will not complain)

[Vesaniae]

Baby Dread Masters are hilarious! I hope they return in the future!

 

I just re-read the entire thread...equally funny the second time around.

 

 

And then I noticed this line, which hadn't really sunken in the first time I read it:

BABY QUINN: I don’t do the double agent thing.

 

 

[Zanderwright]

How about a FCD sports day which everyone but the jedi would cheat at? Edited August 12, 2012 by Zanderwright

[irishfino]

How about a FCD sports day which everyone but the jedi would cheat at?

 

Baby Baron Von Deathmark?

[bobmcbo]

temple needs ti take part in one of the "force sensitive" conversations. Just randomly blurting out that she isn't force sensitive at all.

[FalcoLombardi]

How about a FCD sports day which everyone but the jedi would cheat at?

 

Dodge ball would be funny I think. Talos would get slaughtered by Pierce or something like that, and Guss would be "the fat kid that gets picked last" etc.

[bright_ephemera]

Here, a birthday party as suggested by ragnnerok!

 

On FRIDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and SCORPIO.

 

 

KHEM VAL: Children, today we will be celebrating someone’s birthday. Risha has survived another however many days a standard year is.

SCORPIO: I am uncertain what the big deal is. Once you have experienced a few hundred birthdays, they all start blurring together.

KHEM VAL: No kidding.

BABY RISHA climbs up the overflowing toybox, taking up a dramatic pose on top of M1-4X.

BABY RISHA: Countrymen, subjects, and – BABY RISHA looks down – assorted toys, today I grow one step closer to reaching the legal age to seize control of the ruling bodies of the many planets of this galaxy. In particular, I am rapidly approaching the point where I am qualified to become Supreme High Muckamuck and Ultimate Queen of Korriban.

KHEM VAL: Wait, what?

BABY RISHA: You can do it at, like, age six, so long as you have the power to seize it. It’s on one of your stone tablets somewhere.

BABY TALOS: I didn’t want to tell her that, but she made me explain it while I was translating the tablet.

BABY RISHA: So soon my long frustration will come to an end.

SCORPIO: “Long” being a relative term here.

BABY RISHA: Yeah, whatever.

YOUNG BOWDAAR: I AM A SLAVE, but I hear sometimes laws change to let other people have nice things. I wouldn’t know. Everyone has to do what you say, so why not just order the Dark Council to let you be Supreme High Whatchamacallit right now?

BABY RISHA: I can’t get in to order them. They barricaded themselves in the Council room some time ago. I can’t move the big table they put in the way of the door.

KHEM VAL: When I was your age, people had to work to rule Korriban. Tulak Hord won his throne with blood and terror, not legal shenanigans and arbitrary plot powers.

BABY ELARA, running out of the kitchen: Mister Khem Val! Mister Khem Val! I was doing my regular check of the expiration dates of the stuff in the fridge, and, and, a bunch of kids are in there with the birthday cake!

The children follow KHEM VAL and SCORPIO into the kitchen, where BABIES ANDRONIKOS, VETTE, and GUSS are gorging themselves on chocolate cake topped with chocolate frosting topped with chocolate shavings.

BABY TANNO VIK is tucking pieces of cake into his jacket and wearing an elaborate plastoid crown, which judging by the frosting along the bottom edge had been a cake topper up until two minutes ago.

BABY RISHA, snatching the crown off BABY TANNO VIK’s head: That’s mine!

BABY ANDRONIKOS, looking shameless: Risha, having checked this cake for quality, I can safely say you have fine taste.

BABY VETTE: Yeah, your benevolence knows no bounds. It’s appreciated.

BABY GUSS, looking terrified: They made me do it.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: Guss, you jumped up here first. I then knocked you off the counter to make sure I could get more for myself. You then climbed back up and actually punched me in a sad effort to indicate your displeasure before diving into the cake. You couldn’t be more culpable if you tried.

BABY GUSS: They made me do it. Don’t hurt me.

BABY TANNO VIK is still busily cramming pieces of cake into his jacket.

SCORPIO: Vik, what are you doing?

BABY TANNO VIK: Taking cake.

SCORPIO: But all the other thieves have been eating the cake. You are not.

BABY TANNO VIK: I’m allergic to chocolate, but if things are getting stolen I thought I should get in on the action on general principle. I’m sure I can sell it later.

BABY RISHA: You are so not getting invited to my coronation.

Edited August 13, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[bright_ephemera]

This entry has spoilers for a fact/ability you learn during Doctor Lokin’s recruitment line.

 

On MONDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and KHEM VAL.

 

 

T7-01: Today = guest recruiter // Governor Saresh = seeking settlers for Taris

BABY PIERCE: Oh, I am out of here.

BABY PIERCE sprints for the door and is gone.

A green, middle-aged Twi’lek woman enters, carrying a small child.

GOVERNOR SARESH: Hello, children. Today I want to talk about the importance of reviving a great symbol of the Republic.

BABY ASHARA: Excuse me, Governor Saresh? Wasn’t Taris a hellhole of anti-alien sentiment, brutal gang warfare, and glaring economic equality even before it started getting ravaged by rakghouls from below and Imperial occupation followed by bombardment from above?

GOVERNOR SARESH: We hope to improve on that a little. For the Republic.

BABY ELARA: You tell ‘em, Governor.

T7-01: Hope = the Republic way

M1-4X, from the toybox: I have faith in your cause, Governor!

GOVERNOR SARESH: Thank you, everyone. This is a matter of patriotism, children. Of showing the Empire, the whole galaxy, that the Republic won’t back down and it won’t give in. We need our people to come rally to that cause.

BABY CORSO: Governor Saresh, one of the founding principles of the Republic is "not making its people live in monster-infested toxic death traps."

GOVERNOR SARESH: That isn’t one of our principles at all.

BABY CORSO: Huh. Well, it should be.

KHEM VAL: Taris isn’t that much worse than Yn and Chabosh. You are all weak cowards and whiners.

BABY ASHARA: No. No, we are normal. You are a masochist.

BABY ELARA, curiously: Where did a Jedi like you learn a word like that?

BABY ASHARA: Where did you learn it, Miss Wholesome?

BABY ELARA: Born Imperial.

BABY ASHARA: Oh, right.

GOVERNOR SARESH: Now, I acknowledge that conditions on Taris are difficult, but I assure you, it’s worth coming to settle and make a new life. Here I have one such settler that you might be able to relate to.

GOVERNOR SARESH lets the child she was carrying down to the ground.

GOVERNOR SARESH: Children, meet Lokin, a Taris success story.

BABY LOKIN: Taris is great, guys. Seriously. More mad science than you could steal and irresponsibly modify in a lifetime. Believe me, I know. I’ve been trying.

The children exchange dubious looks.

BABY LOKIN: I can do tricks you couldn’t learn anywhere else in the galaxy.

In a sudden puff of smoke, BABY LOKIN vanishes, replaced by a tiny, chubby rakghoul.

BABY LOKIN-RAKGHOUL: Gggggrrrrrggglaaaaaarb!

The children scatter, screaming. BABY ASHARA sprints for the door and is gone.

GOVERNOR SARESH, facepalming: Lokin, I told you to cut that part of the recruitment speech out.

BABY LOKIN, puffing back into child form and looking sulky: But that’s the best part.

BABY ELARA, peering out from behind the big rulebook in the corner: Isn’t that a quarantine violation, Governor?

GOVERNOR SARESH: No. He wasn’t a rakghoul when I passed through customs.

BABY CORSO, cautiously edging out of the kitchen: You know, Governor Saresh, I’m starting to think you might not be completely on the up-and-up here.

GOVERNOR SARESH: That sounds unpatriotic.

BABY CORSO: If questioning my Republic’s decision to smuggle rakghouls into a daycare center is unpatriotic, then yeah, you can question my patriotism.

M1-4X: It’s for the greater good, Corso. I’m sure.

BABY LOKIN snickers.

GOVERNOR SARESH: The point is, you guys should come settle on Taris. I’m almost out of settlers here.

BABY ELARA: That has got to be the least persuasive recruitment argument I have ever heard.

GOVERNOR SARESH: It worked on the last batch of settlers.

KHEM VAL: If you require cheap and expendable labor while rebuilding the planet among rakghoul swarms, why not bring slaves?

YOUNG BOWDAAR: Oh, I am out of here.

YOUNG BOWDAAR sprints for the door and is gone.

GOVERNOR SARESH, throwing up her hands: Nobody appreciates my efforts.

BABY LOKIN: That just means more salvaged irresponsible science for me!

GOVERNOR SARESH: Come on, Lokin. We’re going home.

T7-01 escorts GOVERNOR SARESH to the door.

T7-01: Taris = very dangerous // Governor = going back to her house there alone?

GOVERNOR SARESH: Oh, hell no. I'm going to my townhouse on Coruscant. Just because I'm governing Taris, you think I would actually live in that deathtrap?

 

 

Idiom notes:

 

 

“On the up and up” is honest, legitimate, respectable.

 

Edited January 14, 2013 by bright_ephemera

[Maaruin]

KHEM VAL: If you require cheap and expendable labor while rebuilding the planet among rakghoul swarms, why not bring slaves?

 

On a sidenote: If I remember correctly, Saresh was an imperial slave before the republic freed her.

Edited August 13, 2012 by Maaruin

[bright_ephemera]

On a sidenote: If I remember correctly, Saresh was an imperial slave before the republic freed her.

 

Wow, that would earn Khem Val triple anti-tact points for his suggestion!

[bionamaster]

Fantastic posts! I'd like to suggest something, by the way: A guest visit from BABY DARTH MALGUS! You could even throw Baby Satele Shan in there for some interesting interactions.

[Morgani]

I just want to put in here, again, that I still love this thread. The amount of love I have for this thread is ridiculously disproportionate to the amount of love I have for things in my own life. I'm a sad person but I'm alright with that.

 

No suggestions, other than to suggest you write more.

[Earthmama]

Two words,

 

Class Hamster

 

my own son will be starting up in Pre-school come September and we have to sign up for what weekend we'd like to keep the class hamster....which means there will be a tiny little animal in this class full of three year olds.....I couldn't help but think of this crazy little story when I got that e-mail.

[Vesaniae]

I would love to see Darth Jadus make an appearance, either in baby form or scouting for individuals to participate in a "social experiment". If such a thing could be done without being too spoileriffic, of course.

[bright_ephemera]

By popular demand, a guy I've really struggled to place in a story…but here he is!

 

On TUESDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and LORD SCOURGE.

 

 

Today’s guest spot has minor spoilers for one of DARTH BARAS’s professional habits as laid out early in ACT ONE of the SITH WARRIOR line.

 

LORD SCOURGE: Today, children, you will be meeting a distinguished Sith Lord, who will seek an apprentice from among you. Please welcome Lord Baras.

An armored, masked, noticeably overweight man walks in.

LORD BARAS: Bow before your betters, children.

The children look questioningly at LORD SCOURGE and KHEM VAL.

KHEM VAL: He's no Tulak Hord, but I guess you should show some deference.

The children bow. BABY GUSS falls over from doing it wrong.

LORD BARAS: Now, spy! Report!

The children exchange looks, but say nothing.

LORD BARAS: Doc. Report on this daycare center.

BABY DOC: What?

LORD BARAS: You’re my spy for daycare. Remember? I gave you a cookie last week and told you to report on the activities of your fellow children?

LORD SCOURGE: That seems singularly pointless, even by your own standards, Baras.

LORD BARAS: Look, I have spies within the Jedi, and spies within the Sith, and spies within the Republic. I needed spies within daycare.

LORD SCOURGE looks skeptical.

LORD BARAS: If I had chosen a less incompetent agent this would’ve worked out to my advantage.

BABY DOC: I was a spy?

LORD BARAS: You people!

LORD BARAS raises his hand. LORD SCOURGE forces it down again before he can unleash Force Lightning on BABY DOC.

LORD SCOURGE: Don’t do that.

LORD BARAS: You, Wrath, are a disgrace to the Sith order.

LORD SCOURGE: You, Baras, should get your power trip kicks elsewhere.

BABY DOC: Uh, I don't have a spy report. But I do have a fresh cookie. Please don't hurt me.

BABY KIRA: Do you seriously expect that to work?

BABY DOC: Cookies are the universal currency, babe.

BABY KIRA: How's he even going to eat it? His head's all locked up in that funny-looking mask.

BABY DOC: He has obviously succeeded in consuming a lot of food before. He'll manage.

LORD BARAS snatches the cookie from BABY DOC's hand and examines it.

LORD BARAS: It'll do. Now, to continue seeking talent. Worthwhile sentients, assemble before me.

The children look at each other again.

LORD BARAS sighs heavily.

LORD BARAS: Force users, get over here.

BABIES KIRA, ASHARA, XALEK, JAESA, and GUSS crawl over. BABY ASHARA gives BABY GUSS a dirty look but says nothing.

LORD BARAS: I want you all to go outside, find a wild tuk’ata, and ride it back here. If you give up you will die. If you fail you will be forgotten.

KHEM VAL: That’s the kind of management this galaxy needs.

LORD SCOURGE: Get over yourself, Baras. The children will not be made to try to tame ravening wild animals.

LORD BARAS: This is an opportunity they are privileged to have, to serve a Dark Lord of the Sith.

LORD SCOURGE: No. No, standing in my daycare getting to talk is an opportunity you’re privileged to have.

KHEM VAL: Angry tuk’ata racing, Scourge. And Teeseven can’t fire us if it was Baras setting up the games. Our hands are clean.

LORD BARAS: Hsst! Kids! Get moving!

LORD SCOURGE: I heard that.

LORD BARAS: If you're not going to let me torment these children at my whim, I may as well just leave now.

KHEM VAL: Tell you what, if I identify a child strong enough to be useful and dumb enough to work for you, I'll call you.

LORD BARAS: Ah, that will do nicely. Thank you.

LORD BARAS turns to the children.

LORD BARAS: Remember, you are all insects before the might of the Sith. Remember my name.

LORD SCOURGE: And again I say, get over yourself. Goodbye.

LORD SCOURGE starts shooing LORD BARAS out the door.

LORD BARAS: You haven't heard the last of me! I will return!

LORD SCOURGE slams the door behind LORD BARAS.

LORD SCOURGE: Khem, if he calls requesting a visit again, just hang up.

KHEM VAL: I have trouble saying no to Dark Lords of the Sith.

LORD SCOURGE: I'm darker.

KHEM VAL: Right. Hanging up it is.

Edited August 23, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[imperialmerc]

Funniest one yet! Keep em comin! Mr Ephrema I love this monster!

[iamthehoyden]

LORD SCOURGE: I'm darker.

KHEM VAL: Right. Hanging up it is.

<3 Scourge

[ragnnerok]

Scourge beats all

[bright_ephemera]

Skipping days a bit and taking a class-pet leaf from Earthmama's book...

 

On FRIDAYS, FCD is staffed by SCORPIO and KHEM VAL.

 

 

SCORPIO: Children, the staff has decided to give you an exciting opportunity to try not to fail at something. I look forward to observing the results.

KHEM VAL: This will likely strain your capabilities, but if I could bail out the defenders of Yn and Chabosh, I think I can prevent disaster here. We will have a class pet. You will have the chance to observe and to feed him and watch him grow.

SCORPIO: The hypothesis is that he will stop growing when he has reached the limits of his terrarium. But we aren't sure.

KHEM VAL: If he grows too big, we can always kill him.

BABY ASHARA: I'm not sure about the educational value of this exercise.

SCORPIO gestures toward a large box covered by a cloth. KHEM VAL pulls the cover away with a flourish to reveal a glass cage with a low golden dais in the middle and a very small Hutt sitting on the dais.

SCORPIO: Children, this is Karagga.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: Karagga the Unyielding. Karagga the Unyielding, Grand Mogul of the Hutt Cartel, Supreme Power of...what did you do with my herald droid?

KHEM VAL: It was a stupid toy. I threw it away.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: I...but...this is...well, look here. Aren't you people supposed to think this kind of capture is unethical?

SCORPIO and KHEM VAL exchange glances.

KHEM VAL: Maybe if you're talking to the pathetic Jedi.

SCORPIO: You were a rescue, Karagga. You should be grateful.

BABY KIRA: He was a rescue?

SCORPIO: Yes. A Sith team found him bleeding out in the flaming wreckage of some strange device one day.

BABY ASHARA, skeptically: Sith? And they didn't leave him to die?

KHEM VAL: It was decided that keeping him alive would be funnier.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: You'll pay for this insult!

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING raises an arm, and suddenly his golden dais starts lifting, unfolding mechanical legs and surging upward. KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING slams his head on the terrarium ceiling and yelps loudly.

The children watch with interest.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: That's...that's not my only weapon! Come, fools, and present yourselves!

Several of the children inch closer. KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING presses a button on his straining vehicle and looks eagerly at the floor at the children's feet.

...Nothing happens.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: Wait a minute...

KHEM VAL: Were you going to wreck the floor? We had the floor fixed after that Soa brat came through.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: I want a word with your architects.

SCORPIO: It's no good. Teeseven won't allow it. I've tried.

KHEM VAL: Karagga's incessant demands, as I learned of on the way here, will teach you children valuable lessons about dealing with or ignoring difficult taskmasters.

BABY KIRA looks skeptical.

BABY QUINN: You really are lucky to have this chance, Jedi. Where I come from all the difficult taskmasters can kill you with their brains. No mistakes or snarky comebacks allowed.

BABY KIRA: They can do that here, too. At least Mister Lord Scourge can.

BABY QUINN: Well, where I come from they do it a lot more.

BABY ASHARA: So does he do tricks? Tricks that work, I mean.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING's eyes bulge a little as he sputters.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: You brat! You'll pay for this insult!

BABY ASHARA, unimpressed: Can we teach him to say anything else?

KHEM VAL: Not that we've found.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: Rrrg. Look here, I see a lot of people here who should naturally be at each other's throats. Are you going to entertain me yet?

KHEM VAL: No.

BABY QUINN, very softly: Entertainment can be arranged.

BABY QUINN darts forward, climbs up the little table holding KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING's cage, and knocks the lid off. He scoops up KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING's walker, gasps at the pain of gripping the engine exhaust, and drops the walker on the floor, where it cracks and falls over.

Everyone looks at KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING, who flails ineffectually.

BABY QUINN: Well?

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING growls and continues flailing.

BABY QUINN: We had a deal. I was going to free you and you were going to destroy everybody who's mean to me.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: That deal was contingent on you not breaking my walker, you imbecile.

BABY QUINN, dejectedly: Right. I could probably have planned this better.

KHEM VAL shakes his head and, giving BABY QUINN a stare of withering scorn, scoops KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING up and puts him back in his cage.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: I don't suppose you could eat some Force users for my amusement, Khem Val?

KHEM VAL: No.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: Well...then...children, are any of you mechanically talented? I can pay sums of riches beyond your imagination to-

BABY RISHA: Whatever it is, the answer is yes.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: Perfect. I will have mighty steel hands again.

BABY KIRA: Again? That walker only had legs. There weren't any hands.

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: It was metaphorical, fool.

BABY RISHA, hopefully: I can make you a walker. With hands. It'll be huge. Cash up front?

KARAGGA THE UNYIELDING: You wish.

BABY RISHA: Oh. This is the worst class pet ever.

Edited August 20, 2012 by bright_ephemera