bright_ephemera Posted August 1, 2012 Author Share Posted August 1, 2012 (edited) Awww, poor Baby Vector I haven't reached Risha yet on my smug, but I'm beginning to dislike her. Risha's a fun character, except that her initial appearance and recruitment are stupidly, mind-blowingly forced if you don't like her. I grew to like her eventually, but only after a few months of sulking over how everybody has to do what Risha says. For no evident reason. When really I would rather have flung her out the airlock and gone to find a less pushy, self-satisfied, "The player has every reason to say no but the game won't let 'em" questgiver. Stupid Risha. Edited August 1, 2012 by bright_ephemera Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imperialmerc Posted August 1, 2012 Share Posted August 1, 2012 Risha sounds like one big annoyng... I don't believe this kind of language is appropraite in the forum. I will be quiet now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SveinEternity Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 Hilarious! I feel for poor Vector. I haven't met Risha but I can see that she is probaly a spoiled brat. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helig Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 Hilarious! I feel for poor Vector. I haven't met Risha but I can see that she is probaly a spoiled brat. She's a literal princess=>legitimate Queen (one not too quick to rush to the throne from the Smuggler's side). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maaruin Posted August 2, 2012 Share Posted August 2, 2012 Great read. As many other, I'd love to see some of my companions (JC) too. I thought about how Zenith would fit in FCD: He is normally bullied and beaten by the Imperials when they are in a group. (While this happens, he always says "Pain is a word! Pain is a word!") So he ambushes them when they are alone and hurts them pretty badly. He want's to "free FCD from imperial opression" with this. I could even see him reasoning: "If they come home with scratches and bruises often enough, their parants will take them out of FCD." Poor Talos, he would probably not participate in bullying Zenith and Zenith would still beat the crap out of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bright_ephemera Posted August 2, 2012 Author Share Posted August 2, 2012 Zenith sounds like he could be a ton of fun. But he's all the way up on Republic Balmorra...yech. And I blew all my cash on another Warrior's legacy leveling buffs. More the fool me! Anyway, 24 hours' worth of writer's block feels like forever. I have no editorials to make on General Garza, of course. Here, have a thing! On TUESDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and LORD SCOURGE. LORD SCOURGE: Children, today for reasons beyond my comprehension I have been asked to permit General Garza of the Republic Army to come scouting talent. KHEM VAL: General Garza would’ve gotten creamed at the battles of Yn and Chabosh because she is an inferior strategist and a sorry life form. GENERAL GARZA: Up yours, Khem Val. All right, children. I only accept the best into my army. BABY TANNO VIK: And me. GENERAL GARZA: I didn’t say I accepted you. BABY TANNO VIK: I have the full technical readouts of Pierce’s secret weapons program. BABY PIERCE: Hey! BABY TANNO VIK: I could sell them to you for a discount price. GENERAL GARZA: I could just arrest you and confiscate them. BABY TANNO VIK, tapping his head: Can’t confiscate what’s in here. See, I’m the only one who knows which MegaRancor action figure has the correctly-shaped limbs to cast the quikcrete fiddly bits for those weapons. Nobody else at daycare has that information. You need me, Garza. GENERAL GARZA: Fine. I only accept the best and Tanno Vik into my army. The rest of you who are willing to show me what you’re made of can just try to meet the army’s standards. BABY TEMPLE: Yay! BABY QUINN: Temple, you are not considering auditioning for this Republic dog. BABY TEMPLE: I will! You will, too. I dare you. BABY QUINN: I don’t do the double agent thing. BABY TEMPLE: I double dare you. It’ll be fun! We can infiltrate the Republic together! BABY QUINN: Only if we get to destroy it after. BABY TEMPLE: Yeah, yeah. Come on. GENERAL GARZA: Teams, everyone. Temple and Elara. Jorgan, Vector, and Rusk. Pierce and Tanno Vik. Quinn and Corso. I’ll be giving you assignments to carry out. BABY ELARA: With respect, sir, I wouldn’t trust Quinn or Temple. They’re dyed-in-the-wool Imperials. GENERAL GARZA: Would you mind saying that in a slightly less Imperial accent? BABY ELARA: I’m different! They’re bad! GENERAL GARZA: Anyway. Pierce, Tanno Vik, please see if you can improve on that weapons program you were talking about. Which is very bad, you should be ashamed of yourselves. I want a working prototype by close of business. BABY PIERCE and BABY TANNO VIK run off snickering. GENERAL GARZA: Quinn, Corso, I need you to locate their supply chain and anything you can discover about the weapon itself. If I can grab the materials and the plans, I can cut the two of them out. BABY QUINN: With pleasure, sir. BABY QUINN and BABY CORSO toddle off. GENERAL GARZA: All right, Vector, Jorgan, Rusk. Your mission is a small datapad being stored on top of the refrigerator next to the cookie jar. BABY RUSK, clutching his stuffed animal squad: That’s a tricky objective. GENERAL GARZA: I have every confidence in you. BABY JORGAN: Have you seen his record? GENERAL GARZA: I’m sure you can handle it. Do whatever it takes to get me that datapad. BABIES JORGAN, RUSK, and VECTOR salute. BABY RUSK: You’re doing it wrong, bug-boy. BABY VECTOR: What? BABY RUSK: Don’t do the funny standing-straighter thing, you salute by touching your forehead like so and pushing off. BABY VECTOR: Ah, we apologize. We are Imperial most days. BABY JORGAN: You realize there’s only one of you, right? BABY VECTOR: What? GENERAL GARZA: Get moving, you three. BABIES JORGAN, RUSK, and VECTOR scamper off. BABY QUINN and BABY CORSO return. BABY QUINN: General, the detonite you requested. Corso and I have cleared out Pierce’s entire stash and we have a lead on where the neutronium spinny bits for his weapon would be. BABY CORSO: It’s terrible! I think this weapon might hurt people! We’ve gotta stop him! GENERAL GARZA: You’ll return the materials and plans to me and I’ll take it from there. BABY CORSO: Only if you promise not to hurt anybody with it. GENERAL GARZA: I did not give you permission to take a principled stand, Corso. BABY CORSO: I’m not helpin’ any further if I can’t be sure you won’t use this weapon Pierce is making. GENERAL GARZA: You’re fired. Quinn, good job. Please proceed. BABY ELARA: He’s not reassembling that weapon for your benefit, sir. GENERAL GARZA: Imperials can be nice. Can’t they? BABY ELARA: They can! He isn't! GENERAL GARZA: Elara, why don’t you find me the biggest Republic flag around here so we can put it on the clubhouse outside. But don’t tell anyone why you want it. BABY ELARA: Yes, sir. Come on, Temple. BABY ELARA and BABY TEMPLE sift through the toybox. BABY ELARA: This is kind of a mess. M1-4X: Can I help you find anything? BABY TEMPLE: No, but thank you for offering. BABY ELARA: I need the Republic flag, the big one, so I can put it up out in the clubhouse. BABY TEMPLE: Elara… GENERAL GARZA: Elara, I told you not to mention that part. BABY ELARA: But it’s the fastest way to obtain what we want. Forex is on our side. He will gladly help us if we just tell him what we want. GENERAL GARZA: I gave you an order. BABY ELARA: An order that made no sense! BABY TEMPLE: Obedience doesn't have to make sense, silly. GENERAL GARZA: Very good, Temple. Elara, I told you not to talk about it. You’re out. BABIES RUSK, VECTOR, and JORGAN, looking frazzled, stumble out of the kitchen. BABY JORGAN is clutching a datapad. BABY RUSK is clutching the slashed remnants of his stuffed-animal squad. BABY JORGAN: Complications arose, sir. BABY VECTOR, nursing a hurt finger: We did everything we could. BABY RUSK: Casualties seventy-seven point eight per cent, sir. BABY JORGAN: Cookie jar fell. Blew up all over the place. The kitchen is a mess of broken glass and now everybody thinks we took the cookies. GENERAL GARZA: Oh. I understand. Yes, that was unfortunate, but probably unavoidable. GENERAL GARZA grabs the datapad from BABY JORGAN, then turns to LORD SCOURGE. GENERAL GARZA: These children just broke into the kitchen, stole a bunch of cookies, and then smashed the cookie jar. I have no idea what they were thinking. Put them in time-out. LORD SCOURGE: Really? That was an incredibly stupid move, children. Go sit in the corner. GENERAL GARZA looks back at BABIES VECTOR, RUSK, and JORGAN. GENERAL GARZA: Politicians. Never happy, am I right? Remind me later and I might bail you out. Once the public outcry has died down. BABY JORGAN: You just manufactured the public outcry, General. GENERAL GARZA: I’m only trying to help you here. Go sit in the corner. BABY ELARA: Should we help Jorgan and the others? BABY QUINN, blankly: Why? BABY ELARA: They got stuck in a bad situation. It isn’t their fault. They deserve another chance. BABY QUINN: So? BABY TANNO VIK and BABY PIERCE return to GENERAL GARZA. BABY TANNO VIK: Think you’re gonna like what we came up with. GENERAL GARZA: Very good. We’ll have a full review and weapons test as soon as I set up circumstances with enough plausible deniability for me and mine. Until then, who do we have left as optimal candidates for the Republic army? BABIES PIERCE, TEMPLE, QUINN and TANNO VIK beam up at GENERAL GARZA. GENERAL GARZA: That can’t be right. BABY QUINN and BABY TEMPLE: Orders, sir? BABY PIERCE: I wouldn’t join your stupid army anyway, but I wanted to see how miserable you would be if I met all your qualifications. BABY TANNO VIK: Still waitin’ to get paid here. GENERAL GARZA: … BABY TANNO VIK: And still waiting. We got any other buyers lined up, Pierce? BABY PIERCE: I wasn’t even selling until you stole the materials, jerk. BABY QUINN, tapping his datapad: The Imperial Army will be glad to remunerate both of you for your work on this system. Honestly I wouldn’t pay half this offer, but, lucky you, I’m not in charge of acquisitions. BABY TEMPLE: So, General, are we gonna be the Republic Army? GENERAL GARZA: No. Not ever. Dismissed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kalterien Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 Thanks Bright, reading this has made my horrid day better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Synaesthesia Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 These are brilliant, please keep them coming! They always brighten my day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iamthehoyden Posted August 3, 2012 Share Posted August 3, 2012 Fricking Garza...love that Vik and the Imperials ended up being the ones unprincipled enough for her lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helig Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 (edited) Needs moar , tbh. That guy is hilarious. He's also physical proof that the Dark Side does indeed have cookies - lots of them. Edited August 4, 2012 by Helig Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irishfino Posted August 4, 2012 Share Posted August 4, 2012 What is this? I don't even... I'm not sure what I just read, but it was hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ardim Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 What is this? I don't even... I'm not sure what I just read, but it was hilarious. Pretty much sums it up for me Think it would be possible to add in these cameos just once? - Darth Baras - The Dread Masters (Baby versions) - A Voss baby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helig Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Baras - when he was young, athletic and obsessed with Dark Side cookies. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crezelle Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 BABY RISHA: No Killiks at daycare. BABY VECTOR, sadly: Okay. http://philosophistry.com/archives/scans/2010/okay-face.jpg Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imperialmerc Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Pretty much sums it up for me Think it would be possible to add in these cameos just once? - Darth Baras - The Dread Masters (Baby versions) - A Voss baby Hopefully this and on a seperate note, hey Wash! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irishfino Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 - Darth Baras Only if Baras eats all the snacks for snack time. I frequently refer to him as "Darth Fata*s". Ask my guild, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ardim Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Hopefully this and on a seperate note, hey Wash! Yo Only if Baras eats all the snacks for snack time. I frequently refer to him as "Darth Fata*s". Ask my guild, lol. Hah, I do something similar whenever he is mentioned. I call him Darth Tubby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imperialmerc Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Have you guys heard of Darth Baras's Force Code? DISCLAIMER: I didn't make this up and I am too lazy to go find the person who did so person who did invent it if you see this please say so. There is no cake, there is only pie. Through pie, I gain calories. Through calories, I gain fat. Through fat, my belt is broken. The recliner shall free me. Most epic fan thing ever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irishfino Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Have you guys heard of Darth Baras's Force Code? DISCLAIMER: I didn't make this up and I am too lazy to go find the person who did so person who did invent it if you see this please say so. There is no cake, there is only pie. Through pie, I gain calories. Through calories, I gain fat. Through fat, my belt is broken. The recliner shall free me. Most epic fan thing ever. Yeeeeees, I have seen it and it is awesome! I've helped five people in my guild murder the hell out of Baras and I enjoyed every second of it. He's so faaaaaaaaaaaaaat. Hate that guy, lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MilaniGrey Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Needs moar , tbh. That guy is hilarious. He's also physical proof that the Dark Side does indeed have cookies - lots of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helig Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 Yeah, watched that like a hundred times already. Still giggle each time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
epicfear Posted August 5, 2012 Share Posted August 5, 2012 So much winnage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bright_ephemera Posted August 6, 2012 Author Share Posted August 6, 2012 Yo. The creative juices haven't been running this way this weekend, but there are some brilliant ideas on this page. I suspect something will get going soon. I'm glad you all are enjoying, and thanks for reading! Making fun of SWTOR's companions in a more or less controlled environment is proving remarkably fun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Helig Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 By all means, take your time. Wouldn't want you burning out. This thread is just.... too awesome. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnnerok Posted August 6, 2012 Share Posted August 6, 2012 I love this thread! One story suggestion, birthday party. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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