The adventures of Forced Companions Daycare

[epicfear]

Somehow... I expected that to be worse.

 

It could have been khem instead of T7.

 

It is saying something that quinn qualifies as soulless by scorpio's standards, though. and it really, really sucks to be jaesa.

 

Very, very funny. i liked it.

[imperialmerc]

For the first time ever I felt bad for Jaesa. Kaliyo is so mean!

[epicfear]

Kaliyo is always mean. its what she does.

 

jaesa, guss, and maybe vette are the only ones who aren't evil jerks.

[imperialmerc]

What about cute little Jorgan? He's a kitten lol.

[Adwynyth]

I'm sensing an impending "snap" by Jaesa that will make Kaliyo and SCORPIO look like amateurs.

[bright_ephemera]

Here, have two people who aren't very jerklike at all:

 

On THURSDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and LORD SCOURGE.

 

 

BABY ELARA: It’s inspection day.

BABY JORGAN: It is?

BABY ELARA: Yup. I forget when the last inspection was, so we better have one now and make a note of it so we can get back on schedule.

BABY JORGAN: So what are we inspecting?

BABY ELARA: We don’t have troops or anything, but we better make sure the cubbyholes are up to spec.

BABY JORGAN: Makes sense.

BABY QUINN: You can’t do an inspection. This is neutral territory. Lord Scourge, isn’t this neutral territory?

LORD SCOURGE, yawning: Surely you can’t be worried about the quality standards of a bunch of Republic goons.

BABY QUINN grits his teeth.

BABY QUINN: Of course not, my lord.

BABY ELARA: All right, cubbyholes. Vette?

BABY JORGAN, rifling through BABY VETTE’s possessions: I’m ninety-nine percent certain everything in here is stolen.

BABY ELARA makes a note on her clipboard.

BABY ELARA: Demerit there for sure. Vector?

BABY JORGAN: Nothing but foil-wrapped candy bars. I think there’s enough for the whole class, though. He’s clean.

BABY ELARA: Temple?

BABY JORGAN, checking: Ugh. Enough Imperial propaganda to bamboozle a planet.

BABY ELARA: Unsurprising. Weird substances? Failure to bring enough snacks for the whole class?

BABY JORGAN: No snacks, no weird substances. I don’t even think we can ding her for the propaganda.

BABY ELARA: Even though I wish we could. All right, Xalek?

BABY JORGAN: I am afraid to reach in there.

BABY ELARA: I can’t blame you. Quinn?

BABY QUINN: Don’t get your Republic standards in my stuff.

BABY ELARA: It’s the rules.

BABY QUINN: No, it’s not. Imperial rules say you can’t touch my stuff.

BABY JORGAN: My rules say I’m really sick of you.

BABY JORGAN reaches to grab BABY QUINN’s datapad out of the cubbyhole. A loud zorching sound is heard. BABY JORGAN yanks his paw back from the flurry of sparks.

BABY QUINN: Ha! My cubbyhole is protected against tampering.

The electrical shock continues, sparking and arcing to the walls of the cubbyhole. The paint starts to smoke and peel. Suddenly the boards burst into flame.

BABY JORGAN: So how protected is it against fire?

BABY QUINN: I expected the current to have stopped by now.

BABY QUINN’s datapad starts warping. Something inside pops with a puff of smoke.

BABY QUINN: I could probably have planned this better.

BABY RUSK runs up with an armload of stuffed animals.

BABY RUSK: Rusk reporting for duty, sir. My squad is ready for inspection.

BABY ELARA touches her pen to her mouth and looks at the line of stuffed animals.

BABY ELARA: This is disgraceful. That nerf is…shaggy. Way out of haircut rules. The nexu’s nails are too long. The tauntaun’s saddle is nowhere close to the uniform, and half of these soldiers are naked. Rusk, you should be ashamed.

BABY RUSK: Do you have any idea how hard it is to make proper armor for stuffed nexus?

BABY ELARA: I’ll let it pass this time. But you might want to keep these guys out of the way for the next inspection.

T7-01 finishes putting out the cubbyhole fire and comes over to face the children.

T7-01: Children = soldiers today?

BABY JORGAN: We’re soldiers every day, sir.

BABY ELARA: We’re inspecting the premises to make sure it’s up to Republic standards.

T7-01: Intentions = admirable // but Forced Companions = neutral

BABY JORGAN: It can be neutrally up to Republic standards.

BABY ELARA: Or we can check it to Imperial standards, too, for balance’s sake. I have both manuals memorized.

T7-01: Inspection = okay // but setting things on fire = unacceptable

BABY JORGAN: Setting the wall on fire was Quinn’s idea.

BABY ELARA, waving her clipboard: He got a demerit for it and everything.

BABY QUINN: That’s a Republic demerit. I don’t care.

BABY ELARA: Nuh-uh.

BABY ELARA quickly scribbles out the Republic logo on her clipboard and draws in an Imperial crest.

BABY ELARA: Imperial demerit for setting the wall on fire.

BABY QUINN: You can’t do that!

BABY ELARA: Imperial Standard Code section eleven, paragraph sixty-seven. Destruction of Imperial property, such as your cubbyhole wall, is good for a demerit.

BABY QUINN, smugly: But this cubbyhole is, as you are so fond of saying, neutral territory.

BABY ELARA: Your datapad is definitely Imperial property. And you set it on fire.

BABY QUINN: Huh. Lord Scourge? A little help here?

LORD SCOURGE: The defector is not permitted to place demerits on Quinn’s record.

BABY JORGAN: Ooh, yeah, hide behind the Sith, Mister Imperial Hero.

LORD SCOURGE stands up.

BABY JORGAN: Hmph. Hiding behind the Sith is a valid lifestyle choice.

LORD SCOURGE sits down.

BABY JORGAN, muttering: For a dirty cowardly Imperial.

Edited July 31, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[ragnnerok]

I'm sensing an impending "snap" by Jaesa that will make Kaliyo and SCORPIO look like amateurs.

 

I would love to see that

[epicfear]

I would too, actually.

 

Also, i love that whole "hiding behind a sith is a valid lifestyle choice for a coward" thing. that was funny.

[bright_ephemera]

I'm sensing an impending "snap" by Jaesa that will make Kaliyo and SCORPIO look like amateurs.

 

Aw, but that would require Jaesa to choose a side for more than ten seconds! If I ever do need an all-out rampage, though, she would be the perfect candidate.

[bright_ephemera]

On FRIDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and SCORPIO.

 

 

BABY TANNO VIK: Hsst, Andronikos! Corso! Great news!

BABY CORSO: What’s that?

BABY ANDRONIKOS: I already don’t believe you. What’s the story today?

BABY TANNO VIK: You remember a ways back when they stopped letting us bring in toy dart blasters, because Kaliyo kept bringing in dangerously modded ones or just actual blasters painted garish colors to look like toys?

BABY ANDRONIKOS: Yeah, sure. Me an’ Kaliyo, those were good times up ‘til Mister Teeseven put a stop to it.

BABY CORSO: Things are a lot safer for us all now. But they’ve been slowly removing the ones in the toybox, too. Now M1-4X and the clubhouse turrets have just about the only dart blasters at daycare.

BABY TANNO VIK: Sad state of affairs, isn’t it?

BABY CORSO: Yeah.

BABY TANNO VIK: So, I am delighted to say that I cut a deal with SCORPIO. We can play with dart blasters after all. Limited supply, I wanted to give first selection to the two of you.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: That’s very generous of you, Vik. What are you charging?

BABY TANNO VIK: Modest fee, modest fee. Bunches of credits, or reasonable prices starting at three cookies and the promise to cause a distraction for me on one future occasion of my choosing.

BABY CORSO: Every single time I have paid you in that currency, I have regretted it.

BABY TANNO VIK: So sooner or later your luck on it’s gotta change, right? Come on.

BABY TANNO VIK starts laying out small colorful toy dart blasters.

BABY TANNO VIK: This beauty here, I selected with you especially in mind, Corso. Cost a pretty penny. That’s going to be three future tactical distractions at least, plus the three cookies.

BABY CORSO: Regret. Every time.

BABY TANNO VIK: It actually does a little blaster sound effect when it lets the dart go.

BABY CORSO: Done.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: Sleek one on the left. I’ll give you three cookies, one distraction.

BABY TANNO VIK: Three cookies, two distractions.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: You’re really helpless without some other kid to raise a fuss while you’re setting charges, aren’t you? Five cookies, one distraction.

BABY TANNO VIK: Nuh-uh.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: My mom made the ones with the double chocolate chunks today.

BABY TANNO VIK: Five cookies, one distraction, done. Pleasure doing business with you.

BABY ANDRONIKOS and BABY CORSO check out their purchases while BABY TANNO VIK rolls up the rest of his merchandise and toddles off. Shortly thereafter, BABY ANDRONIKOS goes somewhere and comes back without the dart blaster.

BABY CORSO takes the big stuffed bantha from the toybox, draws angry eyebrows on it in red marker, and counts off ten paces before turning to take aim.

BABY CORSO: Aaaand, pew pew! Pew pew pew!

KHEM VAL: Corso, what are you doing?

BABY CORSO: Shootin’ up that stuffed bantha.

KHEM VAL: With a blaster.

BABY CORSO: Dart blaster.

KHEM VAL: What are the rules about dart blasters?

BABY CORSO: We’re only supposed to use the ones provided. But Tanno Vik says we got rid of that rule, so I can use…this…you’re looking at me like that again.

KHEM VAL: Yes. I am.

BABY CORSO: The rules didn’t change at all.

KHEM VAL: No. They didn’t.

KHEM VAL holds out one hand, palm up. BABY CORSO surrenders the blaster.

BABY CORSO: I’m sorry, Mister Khem Val.

KHEM VAL: ‘Sorry’ is the word. Run along now, and try not to get conned again before you go home today.

KHEM VAL stalks over to where BABY TANNO VIK is counting his cookies and giggling.

KHEM VAL: Vik.

BABY TANNO VIK: Hello there.

KHEM VAL: If you’re going to keep fleecing Corso, could you at least change up the act from time to time? This is just embarrassing.

BABY TANNO VIK: Why mess with a business model that works?

KHEM VAL: Because it gives me nothing interesting to watch. Now hand over the remaining blasters. And two of your cookies. The ones with the double chocolate chunks.

BABY TANNO VIK: What? You’re messing with free enterprise!

KHEM VAL: Yn and Chabosh did not know free enterprise. Hand it over, and be assured this tax will persist until you impress me with some new fraud.

SCORPIO goes to where BABY ANDRONIKOS is working on a toy pod racer.

SCORPIO: I can account for Tanno Vik’s contraband. Which I did not authorize.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: Yeah, I figured.

SCORPIO: And Khem Val now has Corso’s blaster. I cannot account for yours.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: That’s so.

SCORPIO: Smoothly done. I look forward to seeing when you will choose to use it.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: If I had any idea what you’re talking about, Miss SCORPIO, I would appreciate the praise.

SCORPIO: Smoothly done indeed.

[iamthehoyden]

Ahh, a classic Tanno Vik con, lovely, just lovely, hehehe!

[imperialmerc]

I almost made my dog start barking I was laughing so hard omg you are a genius!

[epicfear]

Aw, but that would require Jaesa to choose a side for more than ten seconds! If I ever do need an all-out rampage, though, she would be the perfect candidate.

 

Better idea: Have Good jaesa and Bad jaesa split into two different entities, who then go at each other like vicious monsters.

[Helig]

I completely, absolutely, irredeemably love your fanfic! It's so impossibly adorable that I'm getting HNNNG! attacks regularly when I read it.

 

 

One thing is bugging me, however... What's a chubbyhole (not my first language, you see)? When I google it, the results, well, have more to do with how children are *made*, rather than how they are *kept*...

Better idea: Have Good jaesa and Bad jaesa split into two different entities, who then go at each other like vicious monsters.

Split personality. That is all.

Edited August 1, 2012 by Helig

[bright_ephemera]

I completely, absolutely, irredeemably love your fanfic! It's so impossibly adorable that I'm getting HNNNG! attacks regularly when I read it.

 

 

One thing is bugging me, however... What's a chubbyhole (not my first language, you see)? When I google it, the results, well, have more to do with how children are *made*, rather than how they are *kept*...

 

I'm glad you enjoy!

 

As for cubbyhole, oh, dear...the usage in my corner of the US is a series of little compartmented shelves, like so. My primary schools had them for storing the kids' stuff, like the small-child equivalent of lockers.

[Adwynyth]

One thing is bugging me, however... What's a chubbyhole (not my first language, you see)? When I google it, the results, well, have more to do with how children are *made*, rather than how they are *kept*...

Cubbyhole...take out the first "h".

 

Here's some images... (link)

[Helig]

I'm glad you enjoy!

 

As for cubbyhole, oh, dear...the usage in my corner of the US is a series of little compartmented shelves, like so. My primary schools had them for storing the kids' stuff, like the small-child equivalent of lockers.

Cubbyhole...take out the first "h".

 

Here's some images... (link)

Ah, *that* is where I screwed up. I guess there's a lesson here for everyone. One-letter difference between something vulgar and obscene and something completely harmless and rather practical.

 

 

 

Anyhow, hungering for more of this brilliance and hilarity. I'd expect Quizen Fess to fit exceptionally well in the FCD adventures. Don't think he'd be too hard to write, even without completing his storyline. Zenith would also prove hilarious, I think.

 

Thanks again for this thread. It's amazing, really. Made my day when I first saw it. Awful, angry mood instantly shifted to sunshine.

[bright_ephemera]

Ah, *that* is where I screwed up. I guess there's a lesson here for everyone. One-letter difference between something vulgar and obscene and something completely harmless and rather practical.

 

 

 

Anyhow, hungering for more of this brilliance and hilarity. I'd expect Quizen Fess to fit exceptionally well in the FCD adventures. Don't think he'd be too hard to write, even without completing his storyline. Zenith would also prove hilarious, I think.

 

Thanks again for this thread. It's amazing, really. Made my day when I first saw it. Awful, angry mood instantly shifted to sunshine.

 

You are most welcome!

 

There's one interesting kink Qyzen Fess can introduce based on another companion. I haven't yet dropped it in, but it's in mind.

 

The only thing I know about Zenith, the only thing at all, is "Who do you want me to kill?" Which is pretty hardcore even for this crowd

[bright_ephemera]

On MONDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and KHEM VAL.

 

 

BABY RISHA: I figured it out!

BABY GUSS: What?

BABY RISHA: Vector thinking he’s plural. He’s got an imaginary friend!

BABY GUSS: You mean the Killiks he’s always talking about?

BABY RISHA: Yeah. Completely made up.

BABY GUSS: Then how did he get those eyes?

BABY RISHA: Beats me. Infection?

BABY GUSS: I’ve never heard of a disease that turns your eyes all black and makes you refer to yourself in the plural.

BABY RISHA: It’s the only reasonable explanation. Think about it. What’s more probable? That he’s right about being jacked into a galaxy-spanning hive mind of sentient insects and the groupies who love them? Or that he’s got a slightly funny eye condition and an overactive imagination?

BABY GUSS: Well, we’re sitting in daycare being watched by an irrationally optimistic astromech droid and a thousand-year-old semireptilian Force-user-eating assassin. I’m not sure what’s probable anymore.

BABY RISHA toddles over to where BABY VECTOR is staring off into space.

BABY RISHA: Hiya, Vector! How’s it going?

BABY VECTOR: We are well. And you?

BABY RISHA: Pretty good, actually. Want to play stardrive mechanic?

BABY VECTOR: …You aren’t going to tell us there’s only one of us?

BABY RISHA: Nope! I understand now.

BABY VECTOR: We are glad to have your understanding, even if we haven’t the faintest idea how you came to that understanding without ever asking us or hearing our explanation.

BABY RISHA: What can I say? I’m good.

The door opens to admit a trio of man-size bipedal antlike monsters. The KILLIKS wave at the room in general, click at BABY VECTOR, then approach T7-01. They proceed to speak in a low rapid chitter, waving a small permission slip and what appears to be a scrap of honeycomb.

KHEM VAL: Now that’s just creepy.

BABY RISHA sits, petrified.

BABY RISHA: THOSE ARE NOT IMAGINARY AT ALL

BABY VECTOR: Not at all.

BABY RISHA: KILL IT WITH FIRE

BABY VECTOR: Please don’t.

BABY GUSS: But we have to do what Risha says.

The KILLIKS whirl, and the glitter in their compound eyes suggests they’re glaring at BABY GUSS. They hiss.

BABY GUSS: I vote we can temporarily not do what Risha says.

BABY RISHA: KILL IT KILL IT KILL IT

BABY VECTOR: Killik. With another ‘k’. Not ‘kill it.’ Please don’t set fire to members of the nest.

BABY RISHA: I THOUGHT YOU MADE THEM UP

BABY VECTOR: Well…we didn’t. Guss, please don’t set fire to them.

BABY GUSS, guiltily hiding a lighter behind his back: Sorry. But we have to do what Risha says.

BABY VECTOR: Risha, could you maybe request something a little more diplomatic?

BABY RISHA: KILL IT WITH FIRE PLEASE

BABY VECTOR: Friends, you may have to leave.

KHEM VAL draws his blade, but is briefly distracted by BABY GUSS rolling around on the floor yelling. His jacket is on fire.

BABY GUSS: Ow! Ow! I should’ve turned the lighter off before hiding it behind my back!

KHEM VAL rolls his eyes, stalks to the kitchen, and brings back a pitcher of water to dump on BABY GUSS.

KHEM VAL: Now. On to more important concerns.

KHEM VAL hefts his blade and charges the Killiks.

BABY VECTOR: Mister Khem Val!

KHEM VAL: We have to do what Risha says. And even Tulak Hord would've called these things creepy.

The KILLIKS dodge KHEM VAL’s charge, chitter briefly at BABY VECTOR, shrug philosophically, and commence rapidly tunneling their way out.

T7-01: Floor = just repaired a few weeks ago // Killiks = not nice // fire = justified

BABY VECTOR: Not you, too.

T7-01: T7 = has to do what Risha says

T7-01 ignites a small flamethrower and starts down the Killik tunnel.

BABY VECTOR: Risha, please call him off.

BABY RISHA: Fine. Mister Teeseven, you don’t have to kill them. None of you do. But Vector, you’re never inviting them back.

BABY VECTOR: They were just trying to turn in the permission slip we forgot this morning.

BABY RISHA: Not my problem, bug-boy. No Killiks at daycare.

BABY VECTOR, sadly: Okay.

Edited August 1, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[Earthmama]

BABY RISHA: Not my problem, bug-boy. No Killiks at daycare.

BABY VECTOR, sadly: Okay.

 

Awww poor baby Vector. LOL

[Helig]

Yaaaay! More awesomeness!

The only thing I know about Zenith, the only thing at all, is "Who do you want me to kill?" Which is pretty hardcore even for this crowd

He's a revolutionary. Mister Che with lekku. Well, Mister Zhe... Kill oppressors, fight tha power and all that. And he's pretty paranoid and mistrustful... But I think that he indeed needs to be known in-game for optimal results.

[iamthehoyden]

Awww, poor Baby Vector I haven't reached Risha yet on my smug, but I'm beginning to dislike her.

[Morgani]

Yaaaay! More awesomeness!

 

He's a revolutionary. Mister Che with lekku. Well, Mister Zhe... Kill oppressors, fight tha power and all that. And he's pretty paranoid and mistrustful... But I think that he indeed needs to be known in-game for optimal results.

 

 

This person has Zenith pretty well on. He's also very careful with the Consular's well being and Balmorra will always be his first and foremost love. Enough to get into politics to ensure its well being. Uh, part two of my fic goes up soon? Maybe help? Don't do anything you aren't comfortable with.

[iamthehoyden]

It's tough to write about companions you haven't really met. The only one I can think of that would be "simple" would be Torian cause his whole focus is pretty simple: hunting, honor, battle, speak Mando'a, more hunting. But even there I'm not sure how he'd interact with Akaavi since they're both Mandalorian, they're on different sides, and his clan

has been dishonored because of his father.

 

Most of the companions are a bit more complex in their reactions to things and how they speak and so forth. Blast it, I really am going to have to level my other toons.

[Vesaniae]

Just when I think this thread can't get any funnier.