The adventures of Forced Companions Daycare

[bright_ephemera]

ON THURSDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and LORD SCOURGE.

 

LORD SCOURGE: It is now nap time. Fetch your mats and blankets and fall asleep, or face the consequences.

T7-01: Snacks = cookies and juice for all // snacks = after nap

BABY GUSS grabs a mud-colored mat and matching blanket, curls up in the corner, and pulls both over him.

T7-01: Mat = under Guss // that arrangement = more sanitary

BABY GUSS: I'm safer if they're both covering me. It makes me twice as hard to find. Just wake me up when the cookies get here.

BABY TEMPLE and BABY QUINN have constructed a large replica of the Citadel out of alphabet blocks, with elastic-band-bound rulers as the flying buttresses and a fork jabbed into the topmost block for the spire. The blocks spell out "SUBMIT OR DIE." Now finished, the children have curled up, reached out from under their respective Imperial-crest-stamped blankets to hold hands, and fallen asleep.

LORD SCOURGE: Ah, the innocence of youth.

T7-01: "Submit or die" = not very innocent // Imperial youth = tragically dangerous

LORD SCOURGE: I take it the children of your worlds are all sunshine and kittens?

T7-01 extends an electroprobe to point in BABY JORGAN's direction.

T7-01: kittens = yes

LORD SCOURGE facepalms.

BABY JAESA: Guuuuuuuyyyyys!

LORD SCOURGE walks over to where BABY PIERCE has BABY JAESA in a headlock and is pummeling her.

BABY PIERCE, looking up while still hitting BABY JAESA: Hi, Scourge.

LORD SCOURGE: Explain to me what you are doing.

BABY PIERCE: I'm helping Jaesa here go to sleep.

BABY JAESA: Augh! You're horrible! I hate you! People like you just make me want to...want to...

LORD SCOURGE: Do continue, Jaesa.

BABY JAESA: Rrrrrrrgh!

BABY PIERCE stops hitting her, but keeps her in a headlock.

BABY PIERCE, affably: Oh, come on, Jaesa. I know I'm horrible to you in every way, and I have been consistently awful to every family member and loved one of yours I've ever met, but I'm not an entirely bad guy. Let's be best friends.

BABY JAESA considers.

BABY JAESA: Okay, sure.

BABY PIERCE shoves BABY JAESA to the ground and ambles over to his own sleeping mat, smiling all the way.

BABY QUINN stirs and rolls over in his sleep, knocking into the base of the Citadel replica. The replica falls over, pelting BABY QUINN and BABY TEMPLE with alphabet blocks.

BABY TEMPLE starts crying loudly.

BABY QUINN: Hrm. Falling asleep six inches away from an unstable structure didn't work out so well.

BABY QUINN looks thoughtfully at the scattered blocks.

BABY QUINN: I could probably have planned this better.

LORD SCOURGE: Silence, Quinn. You would do well to obey my command and go to sleep immediately.

BABY QUINN: Yes, my lord. Then, whispering: Hsst, Temple! Quiet down and sleep or the Sith will kill us both before we ever get officers' commissions.

BABY TEMPLE hiccups, sniffles, and stills.

BABY QUINN: Well done.

BABY QUINN promptly goes back to sleep.

Edited July 21, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[bright_ephemera]

On FRIDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and SCORPIO.

 

BABY RISHA: This meeting of the Take the Credits and Run Club is now called to order. Roll call: Vette?

BABY VETTE: Present.

BABY RISHA: Tanno Vik?

BABY TANNO VIK: Present.

BABY RISHA: Kaliyo's still out sick after the mutual-biting-with-a-kath-hound incident. I don't think they've determined which one got the worse germs out of that. Andronikos?

BABY VETTE: He's probably off somewhere enjoying not listening to you.

BABY RISHA: But everybody has to listen to me.

BABY VETTE: Don't remind me. Bossypants.

BABY RISHA: Fine. On to the agenda. We need to find something to steal, but going straight for the credits won't work today. SCORPIO is on duty, and she would immediately detect any efforts to slice Forced Companions' accounts, so we're stuck with other forms of petty theft. I recommend cookies.

BABY VETTE: There's really nothing else around here worth stealing.

BABY TANNO VIK: Not true. We could steal and resell the toys. Or everybody else's lunchboxes. Or Pierce's detonite stash in the kitchen cupboard that he doesn't think we know about. - Thanks for the tip, by the way, Yuun.

BABY YUUN, looking up from what appears to be a tea-leaf divination: No problem.

BABY TANNO VIK: We could also steal the microwave.

BABY VETTE: We could pull the usual con on Doc.

BABY RISHA, shuddering: Only if you do the hugging while I pick his pockets.

BABY VETTE: Nuh-uh. It's your turn to hug him.

BABY RISHA: Big veto on that.

BABY TANNO VIK: ...the light bulbs, the toilet paper, Bowdaar...

BABY VETTE: Sell Talos another rock with gibberish painted on it?

BABY RISHA: Even I feel bad doing that one. He really believes that every rock a sentient has ever touched belongs in a museum.

BABY VETTE: And who are we to stand in his way? He has decent funding for buying anything we claim looks old.

BABY TANNO VIK: ...the carpet, the wall studs - I have a pretty good idea how many you can take before the building loses structural integrity...

BABY RISHA: Vik, even if we stole all that, who would we sell it to?

BABY TANNO VIK: Well, Forced Companions will need a lot of furnishings if all that stuff disappears.

BABY VETTE: The staff would never fall for that. Not unless we isolated a single one and pulled every psych trick we can think of.

BABY TANNO VIK: Who do you figure is our best bet?

BABIES VETTE, RISHA, and TANNO VIK all look at each other.

BABIES VETTE, RISHA, and TANNO VIK, in unison: Mister Teeseven.

KHEM VAL: Children. It is time to learn arithmetic, as was taught by the masters at Yn and Chabosh.

BABY RISHA, whispering: Vik, I'll cover for you. Go for it.

SCORPIO: Do not begin to steal things, children.

BABIES VETTE, RISHA, and TANNO VIK look guilty.

SCORPIO: Your enterprising ideas are intriguing, and Tanno Vik's inventiveness is commendable, but you must work on hiding your plans or else you will never succeed. I leave the improvement of such plans as an exercise for you. But first, arithmetic.

Edited July 22, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[kabeone]

I am not posting this in the art thread because it's not chibi, it's for the ladies (and others) who love them some Scourge. Don't pretend you didn't wish he was talking to you.

 

 

 

http://fc08.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/203/b/9/yes_sir__by_kabeone-d588nfj.jpg

 

 

[Crezelle]

now we need show-and-tell >:3

[Earthmama]

now we need show-and-tell >:3

 

 

Yep!! I agree!

[bright_ephemera]

Oh, Lord, my first few ideas for Show and Tell are just awful. Can you imagine?

 

BABY KALIYO: And here is the head of that Zabrak I was complaining about last week! Check out all the blood that dried in his hair!

BABY JAESA stares, fascinated.

BABY JAESA: Is that good? I can't tell.

LORD SCOURGE: And you killed him yourself, Kaliyo?

BABY KALIYO: Of course.

LORD SCOURGE: Well done.

BABIES VECTOR, TALOS, KIRA, CORSO, and ELARA burst into inconsolable tears.

T7-01: Show and tell = over // children = no more grisly war trophies as show and tell

BABIES PIERCE, YUUN, and AKAAVI, getting up to carry their show-and-tell bags back toward their cubbyholes: Aww.

BABY BROONMARK, looking awkward as he stashes his show-and-tell bag back in his fur: Blllorp.

 

 

 

(EDIT: Oh, also, that Scourge drawing definitely had an interesting and immediate effect on me. Nicely done )

Edited July 25, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[Crezelle]

Oh, Lord, my first few ideas for Show and Tell are just awful. Can you imagine?

 

BABY KALIYO: And here is the head of that Zabrak I was complaining about last week! Check out all the blood that dried in his hair!

BABY JAESA stares, fascinated.

BABY JAESA: Is that good? I can't tell.

LORD SCOURGE: And you killed him yourself, Kaliyo?

BABY KALIYO: Of course.

LORD SCOURGE: Well done.

BABIES VECTOR, TALOS, KIRA, CORSO, and ELARA burst into inconsolable tears.

T7-01: Show and tell = over // children = no more grisly war trophies as show and tell

BABIES PIERCE, YUUN, and AKAAVI, getting up to carry their show-and-tell bags back toward their cubbyholes: Aww.

BABY BROONMARK, looking awkward as he stashes his show-and-tell bag back in his fur: Blllorp.

 

 

 

(EDIT: Oh, also, that Scourge drawing definitely had an interesting and immediate effect on me. Nicely done )

 

lol i wanna see what blizz, vector, quinn, and vette would have brought

 

blizz would have brought...everything.

[bright_ephemera]

lol i wanna see what blizz, vector, quinn, and vette would have brought

 

And, see, I'm trying not to set up the expectation that I'll perform anything on command, but you keep hitting just the right notes to get my mental gears going! (Minus Blizz...sorry, kid. I'll meet you someday.)

 

On MONDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and KHEM VAL.

 

 

T7-01: Today = show and tell // First up = Vector

BABY VECTOR: Today we have brought a product of the nest called membrosia.

KHEM VAL: You realize there’s only one of you, right?

BABY VECTOR: What?

KHEM VAL: Never mind.

BABY VECTOR, holding up a small bowl filled with a viscous white liquid: Membrosia is a natural product of the Killik nest. It has many salutary effects, such as increased energy, longer lifespan, improved strength…

BABY BROONMARK shuffles up and grabs the bowl from BABY VECTOR’s hands. He drops his proboscis into the liquid and starts slurping.

BABY VECTOR: …and assimilation into the hive mind, permanently rendering you an organic part of the nest with only as much independent volition as the nest chooses to grant.

BABY BROONMARK freezes.

Everybody else leans toward him, watching with some interest.

BABY BROONMARK turns his head and spits a long jet of membrosia onto the floor. He hands the bowl back to BABY VECTOR.

BABY BROONMARK: Blllorp.

BABY VECTOR: That’s all we had to say.

T7-01: Vector = thank you // Membrosia + Killiks = interesting // Next = Vette

BABY VETTE crawls to the front of the room carrying a little paper bag. She produces a flat square object of some shiver-inducing black metal, unlike anything modern technology knows. Several of the children shift uncomfortably and can’t look directly at it.

BABY VETTE: This here is a mysterious artifact from the battlefield of Chabosh. Sometimes humans go crazy and die when they touch it, which is pretty cool. It’s probably worth a lot of money.

BABY TALOS: That belongs in a museum!

BABY VETTE: And I’ll help it get there! For a very competitive price.

KHEM VAL: VETTE.

BABY VETTE: Huh?

KHEM VAL: I recognize that pocket protector. It belonged to Tulak Hord.

BABY VETTE: Wow. That’ll crank the market value right up.

KHEM VAL: You will return it to me. Or I will kill you. And your family. And your friends. I will lay waste to your home planet and feed on the dying screams of everyone you have ever loved.

T7-01: Khem Val = overreacting // Khem Val = scaring the children // Khem Val = also scaring T7

KHEM VAL: NOBODY MESSES WITH TULAK HORD.

BABY VETTE: Fine, if you’re gonna get weird about it.

BABY VETTE sulkily surrenders the pocket protector.

T7-01: That = more than enough // Next = Quinn // Remember rules = no hostages

BABY QUINN strikes an impressive pose.

BABY QUINN: Today for show and tell I will demonstrate the superior power of the Empire by bringing you the captured Republic frigate Valiance, recently taken in a daring and cunning operation off Ilum. Our pilots will make a low flyby by the window so you can all admire it before we take it to Dromund Kaas to be retrofitted for Imperial service.

M1-4X, from the toybox: You fiend!

T7-01: Forced Companions = neutral planet // defenses = zero tolerance against military units

A choking whine from somewhere out the window starts rising to a deafening roar. Everyone looks out the window as a smoking, blaster-riddled R.S. VALIANCE streaks from the sky, howling low over Forced Companions to smash into the street and run a long explosive furrow for several miles across the countryside.

T7-01: Valiance = shot down // House rule = no military invasions // children = know this

BABY QUINN: It wasn’t invading, Mister Teeseven. Just striking fear into the hearts of the Empire’s enemies. I wasn’t breaking the rules.

T7-01: Quinn = explain that to the planetary defense grid // Maybe they = care

BABY QUINN, disconsolately: I could probably have planned this better.

BABY JORGAN: Please tell me they’re going to promote you into high command someday soon. I could really use a guy like you on the other side.

Edited July 25, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[bright_ephemera]

On TUESDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and LORD SCOURGE.

 

 

BABY RUSK is sitting amidst his squad of stuffed animals. He is glaring at Akaavi, who is sitting and leaning forward to glare at him.

LORD SCOURGE: Akaavi and Rusk are having a staring contest?

KHEM VAL: Yes. They’ve been at it since Friday morning.

LORD SCOURGE: It is an admirable use of Rusk’s sole discernible talent.

KHEM VAL: Self-destruction?

LORD SCOURGE: I was referring to his pointless stubbornness. It is arguable whether ‘self-destruction’ qualifies as a talent.

BABY RUSK, hoarsely: I think I might drop from hunger soon.

BABY AKAAVI: Your failure to plan supplies correctly is not my concern.

BABY RUSK: Mustn’t…falter…

BABY AKAAVI stares.

BABY DOC: Mister Lord Scourge, Mister Lord Scourge!

LORD SCOURGE: It’s just Lord Scourge. I don’t need the mister.

BABY DOC: Right you are. Lord Scourge, I’ve been analyzing the food being provided to the children here, and I’ve got some deep concerns.

LORD SCOURGE: Is that so?

BABY DOC: Yes. See, growing children need large quantities of chocolate chips and cookie…uh…stuff, to prevent…bad things. Boils and stuff. And stunted growth. Basically we need to be provided with a lot of cookies or we’ll all be terribly sick.

LORD SCOURGE: Perhaps you do not deserve to be well.

BABY DOC: Whaaat? Lil’ Doc deserves the best.

LORD SCOURGE: Lil’ Doc needs to wipe the blue marker mustache off his face before anyone will take him seriously.

BABY DOC: This is an important part of my appeal.

LORD SCOURGE looks down at BABY DOC.

BABY DOC: If I compromise my image to get rid of the mustache, can we have more cookies?

LORD SCOURGE: No.

BABY RUSK blinks and falls over.

BABY AKAAVI: This victory will bring honor to my clan.

BABY RUSK shakes himself and gets up, clutching his empty tummy.

BABY RUSK, to his stuffed-animal squad: Come on, guys. Time for resupply.

BABY TEMPLE, sitting amidst the animals: They’re not going anywhere. I corrupted your whole squad while you were busy staring at Akaavi. Now they’re all loyal Imperials.

BABY TEMPLE hugs the stuffed nexu and smiles.

BABY RUSK: You can’t do that!

BABY TEMPLE: Can so.

BABY RUSK: Nuh-uh!

BABY TEMPLE: Uh-huh!

BABY RUSK: No!

BABY TEMPLE: Hey, squad, let’s sing the Imperial anthem!

BABY RUSK: Over my dead body!

BABY RUSK whips out a toy assault cannon taller than he is and starts hitting the stuffed-animal squad, thwacking indiscriminately while BABY TEMPLE sings out the anthem.

BABY RUSK: Traitors! All of you, traitors!

BABY AKAAVI: Even your stuffed animals know better than to follow such a weak and…unstable…leader.

BABY TEMPLE, unwilling to face Rusk’s frenzy, edges away from the battleground. BABY AKAAVI catches her eye.

BABY AKAAVI: The Republic finally manages the will to fight, and it’s with itself. This is why I believe your Empire will win.

BABY TEMPLE, beaming: Yup!

BABY DOC toddles over to smile winningly at BABY AKAAVI and BABY TEMPLE.

BABY DOC: Ladies, I need your help. Could you come pretend to be really sick in front of Lord Scourge for me?

BABY AKAAVI: Why would we do anything for you?

BABY DOC: If you help me out I’ll give you smooches.

BABY AKAAVI: So…if we help you you will punish us.

BABY DOC: Uh, no.

BABY TEMPLE: You really need to work on your negotiation skills. Particularly the part where you need to offer us things we like.

BABY DOC: Fine. I was going to keep it a secret until the thrilling reveal, but Lil’ Doc will graciously offer you a share of the bounty of cookies that will result from this plan.

BABY TEMPLE: Ooh.

BABY DOC: After the smooches.

BABY AKAAVI: No.

M1-4X: Rusk, how did that staring contest turn out? I was buried under bits of swoop track, I couldn’t see.

BABY RUSK, nursing the finger he crushed while fumbling with the assault cannon: Casualties one hundred per cent, sir.

KHEM VAL: Did you even need to ask? I’ve not seen such a terrible leader since the battlefield of Rhorek.

M1-4X: I’ve never heard of that one, sir.

KHEM VAL: Exactly.

Edited July 23, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[imperialmerc]

This just made my day! /subbed Get Jaesa and Khem interacting lol would be interesting.

[Canino]

I love this! Keep it up! I love how you make Bowdaar... it's just like him! rofl!

[bright_ephemera]

I'm so glad you all are enjoying! I'm having fun rubbing my husband's face in what a monstrous creation he has inspired.

 

This just made my day! /subbed Get Jaesa and Khem interacting lol would be interesting.

 

I like this idea. It's on the menu for next in-story Monday.

[bright_ephemera]

On WEDNESDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and SCORPIO.

 

 

SCORPIO: Talos, today is your turn to bring a snack to share.

BABY TALOS: I did!

BABY TALOS pulls an improbably large box out of his cubbyhole. Inside are a bunch of foil-wrapped bars.

BABY TALOS: Imperial rations!

BABY TEMPLE: Yay!

BABY KALIYO facepalms.

BABY ELARA: Those things were actually number two on my list of reasons to defect. No, thanks.

BABY JORGAN and BABY RUSK: Get those away from us.

BABY PIERCE: I'll take their share.

BABY PIERCE scoops up the other children's bars.

BABY QUINN, holding on to his: This is truly the optimal snack.

BABY QUINN takes his ration and lines it up carefully next to the snack he had packed for himself, which is another Imperial ration bar.

BABY KALIYO: I brought a bunch of ants for myself. Since I couldn't find baby Killiks.

BABY VECTOR, horrified: You're not going to eat those, are you?

BABY KALIYO: I really am.* Hey, I don't suppose you brought any fingerlings to daycare today?

BABY VECTOR: No.

Something under BABY VECTOR's jacket chitters agreement with him.

BABY KALIYO: Hey, Vette, did you want to practice your famous pickpocketing skills?

BABY VETTE: To steal...tiny sentient arthropods...for you to eat?

BABY KALIYO: Well, yeah.

BABY VETTE: No.

BABY QUINN looks to where BABY PIERCE is happily chomping on his third ration bar.

BABY QUINN: Pierce, according to Field Manual A, all supplies confiscated from enemy forces - such as Jorgan and Rusk over there - must be duly reported to the nearest regimental quartermaster and taken in for cataloguing and redistribution. I just filed the paperwork here, so you'll just have to hand all those rations to me.

BABY PIERCE: You have got to be kidding me.

BABY QUINN brings up the rulebook on his datapad and hands it to BABY PIERCE.

BABY QUINN: Read it and weep.

T7-01: Pierce = should follow rules // Pierce = never get an army job where he can access high explosives in the field if he doesn't follow rules sometimes

BABY PIERCE growls, but hands the remaining ration bars to BABY QUINN. BABY QUINN starts arranging them decoratively in his cubbyhole, mostly so BABY PIERCE can see what he's missing.

BABY ELARA: Quinn, what are you doing?

BABY QUINN: Holding these ration bars until such time as I can distribute them appropriately. To myself. For lunch and snack time over the next few days.

BABY ELARA: The Imperial Field Manual A very clearly states that you have to give it to the appropriate regimental quartermaster or, failing that, return it to the field unit that lost it, which would be Talos. I think you've just earned a demerit for embezzling supplies.

BABY QUINN: I'm an appropriate regimental quartermaster.

BABY ELARA: You're not even an officer. A quartermaster must have the rank of leftenant or higher.

BABY QUINN: When exigencies arise in the field, sometimes a brief bending of the bounds of authority is necessary to assure the mission.

BABY ELARA: You're not a leftenant. That's one demerit for embezzling supplies and another for impersonating an officer.

BABY PIERCE: Guess someone shouldn't have decided to fake the rules when the only bigger prig in the galaxy is there to call you on it.

BABY QUINN: I could probably have planned this better, yes.

BABY ELARA glares meaningfully until BABY QUINN stacks up the ration bars and returns them to BABY TALOS.

YOUNG BOWDAAR: I AM A SLAVE. Can I have some rations anyway, Talos?

BABY TALOS: Sure.

BABY KALIYO: Soft touch.

BABY TALOS: If my last vacation on Kashyyyk taught me two things, it's, one, that the Infinite Empire used two very distinct power generation technologies, only one of which shows signs of having been developed along the ancient phobium trade routes; and, two, that you should never irritate a Wookiee.

 

 

 

* Please don't do this, formic acid is very bad for you and needs to be boiled out before ants are safe to consume! (You know, just in case you decided you wanted to try some of Kaliyo's behavior at home...well...don't.)

Edited July 23, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[Canino]

So funny! I love the asterix at the end as well! Well done:D

[Mirdthestrill]

I humbly suggest a one-day visit from BABY SOA.

[kabeone]

BABY BROONMARK shuffles up and grabs the bowl from BABY VECTOR’s hands. He drops his proboscis into the liquid and starts slurping.

BABY VECTOR: …and assimilation into the hive mind, permanently rendering you an organic part of the nest with only as much independent volition as the nest chooses to grant.

BABY BROONMARK freezes.

Everybody else leans toward him, watching with some interest.

BABY BROONMARK turns his head and spits a long jet of membrosia onto the floor. He hands the bowl back to

 

I was going to draw the spitting part, then I realized what that might look like

Edited July 23, 2012 by kabeone

[Canino]

I was going to draw the spitting part, then I realized what that might look like

 

LOL:D You just made my day! Thanks for the hearty laugh and btw, I love the Scourge pic. Really looks good:)

[almostinsane]

Love this. Recommend a one-day visit from one of the player-characters. Still, everything is awesome here.

[Striges]

Can you imagine the free-for-all as they all come to pick up their companions at the same time? The Sith and the Jedi in particular. FCD must have separate sides like some veterinary clinics do for cats and dogs.

[Crezelle]

Can you imagine the free-for-all as they all come to pick up their companions at the same time? The Sith and the Jedi in particular. FCD must have separate sides like some veterinary clinics do for cats and dogs.

 

soccer mom fights!

[imperialmerc]

I'm so glad you all are enjoying! I'm having fun rubbing my husband's face in what a monstrous creation he has inspired.

 

 

 

I like this idea. It's on the menu for next in-story Monday.

 

Lol that's funny. Also thanks! A few hours later I reread it and thought "oh god I just posted the stupidest thing ever on the forums!" thanks for proving me me wrong.

[bright_ephemera]

Whee! All right. There's no way to bring in player characters that I'm really happy with, so as it stands now I don't plan to introduce them. That said, "pickup from daycare" scenes could run into total hilarity, even if you substitute NPC parents/captains...dunno if any writeups will come of it, but it's a promising idea.

 

 

On THURSDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and LORD SCOURGE.

 

 

BABY ASHARA: Kira, would you like to sign the charter for my new mystical Force order?

BABY KIRA: What order is that?

BABY ASHARA: The “We’re awesomer than the Jedi but nicer than the Sith” order. It’s gonna be way better than those other ones.

BABY KIRA: But I like being a Jedi. We’re nice and we help people and we’re always right.

BABY ASHARA: My club will always be right, too. It’s just that we’ll also bust some heads when we have to. Jedi don’t do that.

BABY KIRA: Well…you do have a point there.

BABY ASHARA: So sign!

BABY KIRA: No. I’ve worked too hard to be the best Jedi in daycare. I can’t join you.

BABY GUSS: Are you guys talking about Jedi stuff? Can I be a Jedi?

BABY KIRA and BABY ASHARA: No.

BABY XALEK and LORD SCOURGE exchange looks. There seems to be a brief consideration of taking this opportunity to corrupt a Force sensitive to the Dark Side. After a split second they both shake their heads decisively.

BABY ASHARA: Jaesa, you want to sign the charter for my new mystical Force order? It is neither Jedi nor Sith.

BABY JAESA’S eyes nearly bulge out of their sockets.

BABY JAESA: There’s a third option?

BABY ASHARA: Yup! It’s the best!

BABY JAESA’s straining eyes glaze over. Her mouth hangs open slightly.

BABY KIRA: Now you’ve gone and done it, Ashara. You broke Jaesa.

BABY ASHARA: Jeez. I thought my plan was obviously superior to her regular options.

BABY KIRA: You think everything you do is obviously superior.

BABY ASHARA: I don’t see the problem here.

BABY KIRA makes a face.

BABY ASHARA: Fine, then. Lord Scourge, will you sign the charter for my new mystical Force order?

LORD SCOURGE: No. But I can get you a really shiny Sith toybox if you agree to be my Sith apprentice.

BABY ASHARA: You can’t trick me into following a Sith that easily.

T7-01: Ashara = seeking to disrupt the major powers of the galaxy again?

BABY ASHARA: Seeking to make one. It’s gonna be the best. Would you like to sign up to the Disappointingly Mundane People’s Auxiliary?

T7-01 issues several unpronounceable beeps.

BABY ASHARA: Well, be that way, then.

[bright_ephemera]

Guest spots in general are difficult because I already have a regular cast of thirty characters. Soa, though…Soa I’ve never met in game, but he seemed to have some potential. He may be a worthy first FCD guest. I did a tiny bit of research…I do, after all, have fond memories of raid disasters from other games…so, here goes.

 

 

On FRIDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and SCORPIO.

Today, SCORPIO is busy upgrading her physical circuitry. KHEM VAL has assured the staff that he can handle the day on his own.

 

 

KHEM VAL: Children, we have a guest today.

KHEM VAL indicates a chubby little Rakatan in elaborate black robes three sizes too big for him.

KHEM VAL: This is Soa. Soa, introduce yourself.

BABY SOA stands up and clears his throat.

BABY SOA: I am the Infernal One. The ancestors called me Soa, wrath and power, and knew fear. Now I will kill you all.

KHEM VAL: This is not permitted at Forced Companions, Soa.

BABY SOA: Bah! You all come marching, believing yourselves equal to the army of ancients that chained me. But I am not of your time.

KHEM VAL: You would do well to speak of these ancients and chains and so on rather than seeking to kill everyone. How did you get free?

BABY SOA: Some fool broke open my ancient prison on Belsavis. Bombers, ignorant insects, with great red logos emblazoned on their ships.

The children eye BABY QUINN suspiciously.

BABY QUINN: Why are you all looking at me? I haven't recommended a strategic bombing run over Belsavis in...well...

BABY SOA: I was freed from my ancient prison about three weeks ago.

BABY QUINN gets very quiet.

KHEM VAL: Belsavis, hmm? I hear it's very scenic. I was once trapped in a Korriban tomb.

SOA: Korriban? I was once the lord of Korriban. I ruled a thousand worlds, and Korriban was my crown.

KHEM VAL: Tulak Hord would've had something to say about that.

BABY KIRA: Soa, you’re, like, three years old. Even Risha didn’t have a thousand planets when she was three years old.

BABY QUINN: I believe she’s up to one and a half, arguably.

BABY SOA: Silence, insects. I am talking to your master.

BABY KIRA: Hsst, guys! I think this Soa guy is trouble. We probably better subdue him. On my mark...go.

The braver children charge forth to jump on BABY SOA and start kicking, biting, and hitting with wooden blocks. BABY SOA calmly shoves aside anyone who threatens to cover his face, but otherwise ignores them as he continues chatting.

BABY SOA: Don't bring your sob story to me, Mister Dashade. I was imprisoned for twenty thousand years.

KHEM VAL: So you were locked up longer. Did you at last have something to do? Games, anything?

BABY SOA: They did give me a pacifier and a rattle. But shaking a rattle gets old after a couple of millennia.

KHEM VAL: Bah. It beats "trying and failing to move enough to scratch your nose", as pastimes go.

The children continue to fruitlessly pummel BABY SOA. One of M1-4X's suction darts hits one of BABY SOA's eye stalks and sticks.

BABY SOA: Your kids here are starting to get on my nerves.

KHEM VAL: It is a skill of theirs.

BABY SOA gestures irritably. The floor shakes. The children panic and scatter to the edges of the room as most of the floor suddenly falls away, revealing a yawning abyss with only the faintest suggestion of a bottom far, far below.

KHEM VAL: What did you do to our basement? We just had that refurbished.

BABY SOA, insincerely: Oops.

KHEM VAL: No wonder they locked you up.

The children restore formation around BABY SOA and keep pelting him with sticks, bits of swoop track, and wooden blocks. Several try biting.

BABY SOA raises a hand and a weird green glow coalesces into an oval. He snaps his fingers and BABY TALOS is sucked inside.

KHEM VAL: None of that.

KHEM VAL stalks over and shatters the oval with one hit. BABY TALOS falls out and blinks.

KHEM VAL: This behavior is not acceptable, Soa.

BABY SOA: Your forces will be lost.

KHEM VAL patrols around, shattering oval traps as they show up. Suddenly a flaring, spitting ball of lightning appears from the edge of the room and starts toward where BABY QUINN is firing a toy blaster. BABY QUINN observes the movement, retreats, notes that it follows him.

BABY QUINN: Hmm, that looks dangerous. I bet even Soa can't ignore one of these.

BABY QUINN carefully leads the slow moving-lightning ball toward the flailing mass of children.

The lightning detonates, sending children flying everywhere. The FCD regulars all seem to be knocked out by the blast. BABY SOA looks mildly inconvenienced, but mostly irritable.

KHEM VAL: Quinn, I am dying to know what you thought you were doing there.

BABY QUINN: Taking advantage of the resources at hand to strike at the enemy.

KHEM VAL: At the cost of all your allies?

BABY QUINN: Acceptable losses.

KHEM VAL: Except that, while they're all out cold, Soa here isn't.

BABY QUINN: Yes, that last part was unexpected.

BABY QUINN looks around the shattered room and his fallen comrades, then takes a Force lightning bolt to the elbow from BABY SOA.

BABY QUINN, wincing: I could probably have planned this better.

KHEM VAL: Way to go, Rusk. I’ve not seen such a terrible idea since the last time you thought you were being clever.

KHEM VAL walks over and kicks BABY QUINN into the basement abyss.

BABY SOA: So it comes to this, Mister Dashade.

KHEM VAL: So it seems.

BABY SOA: I eat monsters like you for breakfast.

KHEM VAL: I think you have that backwards. I am Dashade. You're a Force user.

BABY SOA: Oh, good point. I was being more rhetorical than literal. Anyway, I command you to know fear!

BABY SOA raises a hand and lifts KHEM VAL, slamming him into the far wall, then flinging him across the daycare center to another wall. KHEM VAL is not amused. Just as BABY SOA slaps the Dashade back onto the floor near where he started, BABY KIRA tackles BABY SOA from behind. She knocks him facedown on the floor and commences hitting him with a spoon.

BABY KIRA: Die! Die! Die!

KHEM VAL helpfully kicks him.

KHEM VAL: Our foe has fallen, Kira.

BABY KIRA: Oh. Good.

KHEM VAL: I thought Quinn's idiocy got you?

BABY KIRA: Nah, Doc jumped to shield me at the last minute. Took me a minute to get out from under his heavy heavy unconscious self after, but hey, all's well.

BABY DOC, weakly: Did anybody see my heroism?

BABY KIRA: Don't worry, I'll tell them all.

BABY DOC, smiling: Totally worth the scorched hair, then.

KHEM VAL: All right, children. I will take this fool to the kitchen and devour him. Here, take his outer robe, help yourselves to whatever he had in his pockets. And someone find Bowdaar. He’ll need to fix the floor.

BABY KIRA: Shouldn't we get Quinn out first?

KHEM VAL: No. Someday if he's lucky somebody's ill-advised bombing run will free him.

BABY QUINN, struggling up an uneven series of platforms from below: I heard that!

 

 

(Dear tanks and healers: Tell me you've never wanted to kick irresponsible DPS off a cliff. I dare you to say that with a straight face.

Quinn has not yet hit the point in his career where he was assigned to medic duty on the grounds that he is terminally awful as DPS.)

Edited July 23, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[bright_ephemera]

On MONDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and KHEM VAL.

 

 

BABY XALEK is propelling model swoops along the wooden model swoop track using little Force Lightning sparks. When he misses his control and accidentally roasts a swoop racer, he decides that that one was an unworthy swoop with a bad driver. Across the room, BABY KIRA and BABY ASHARA are laying out a strategy to distribute sunshine and warm cuddly safety to everybody in the galaxy. BABY JAESA, sitting in the middle, is paralyzed by indecision.

KHEM VAL approaches.

KHEM VAL: You do not play with the other children.

BABY JAESA: I just can't decide who to go with. Force Lightning is pretty cool. But so is ensuring peace and freedom for the good of us all.

KHEM VAL: Bah. That is your inherent weakness talking.

BABY JAESA: Hey. I'm not weak.

KHEM VAL: Yes, you are. You couldn't even decide which shoes to wear this morning. That's why you're wearing one boot and one slipper.

BABY JAESA: Maybe I was making a fashion statement.

KHEM VAL: Maybe you are a little fool.

BABY JAESA: Am not! Meanie!

KHEM VAL: Your words do not hurt me. You cannot hurt me at all; you will never be strong enough to fight a Dashade.

BABY JAESA: I can fight anything I want! Jerk! Lookit this!

BABY JAESA commences punching KHEM VAL's shins.

KHEM VAL: Yes, practice your aggression. Enjoy your hatred. Try the Force lightning, I hear it's quite the rush.

T7-01 rolls up.

T7-01: Khem Val = stop corrupting children to the Dark Side

KHEM VAL: I'm doing her a favor. If she chooses the Light Side, she will perish from her own folly. If she does not choose a side, I will probably get bored and devour her next time I get peckish. The Dark Side is her only chance for survival.

KHEM VAL looks down.

KHEM VAL: You call that pathetic buzzing noise Force lightning? Tulak Hord would have fallen asleep during such a miserable offensive. Perhaps you're just not really trying...or perhaps you are too weak to succeed.

BABY JAESA: I hate you! Rrrrrr!

T7-01: Jaesa = think about puppies // puppies = nice

KHEM VAL: And delicious.

T7-01: Khem Val = stop that! // Jaesa = go outside and enjoy sunshine and flowers // Khem Val = stay put

BABY JAESA, abruptly not angry at all: Ooh, flowers! Yay!

BABY JAESA toddles outside.

KHEM VAL: I've not seen such meddlesome upper management since the great reorganization of Yn and Chabosh.

T7-01: Upper management = fire staff who keep trying to raise Sith Lords // T7 = did not found Forced Companions to groom Sith

KHEM VAL: And yet you hired me and Lord Scourge.

T7-01: Labor market = tough

KHEM VAL: Anyway, you never complain about me encouraging Xalek.

T7-01: Xalek = beyond redemption to start with // Xalek = kind of a jerk // Khem Val = welcome to Xalek

BABY XALEK, looking up from his swoop racing: Your time will come, Mister Teeseven. Your time will come.

T7-01: Xalek = better behave // Rules = no death threats

KHEM VAL: Unless the staff is making them.

T7-01: That rule = only because you and Lord Scourge insisted on it in your contracts

KHEM VAL: I told you, if I can't snack on the Force sensitives, I need some kind of concession to make these working conditions tolerable.

T7-01: Khem Val = hardly ever threatens the children anyway // rule = seems unnecessary

KHEM VAL: Teeseven, last week I threatened to feed on the dying screams of everyone Vette had ever loved. I meant it, too.

T7-01: ........Khem Val = makes his few threats count

KHEM VAL: Damn right.

Edited July 25, 2012 by bright_ephemera

[Mirdthestrill]

This...is pure genius. Thanks for taking my suggestion. Alright if I do a short one of these on my own? Don't want to steal your thunder without asking, especially if you're planning on including a certain fellow into this in the future.

 

(Think )

Edited July 24, 2012 by Mirdthestrill