Katzith Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) My fiancee (who I've been with for 14 years... and b4 you ask, we went back to school in the middle of that, didn't want to screw up financial aid by being married, and are both looking for careers to pay for the wedding) and I are both gamers. I knew this about him when we first started going out but neither of us were into MMOs until while we were in college, where he insisted we try WoW because we both loved the Warcraft series storyline and Bizzard games. It was to our benefit when I finished my degree and came home while he worked on his Master's so we were 850 miles apart (gave us something we can do together and be sociable with it). Currently we get flak from our families who we are each living with while we get better jobs (yay economy crashing as we get our degrees...). It's awesome when they talk about how we're on the games for hours on end, talking to each other and to friends we ended up meeting in WoW and have met irl because of our friendships there, and now all of us play this game. When they start talking bad about that, all we have to do to shut them up is ask them 1) how active is your brain when you're watching tv, 2) how many people to you meet and interact with socially while watching tv, and 3) how many hours are you watching/sleeping through tv each day? Yeah, we tend to win the argument. Many people who argue against playing these games either 1) find there actually is an issue with the gameing so the gamer doesn't spend enough time with family and/or 2) they don't understand how socially and in some ways intellectually involved games like this are compared to, say, platform games or older non-social games. My fiancee and I are both glad we spend time both in and out of game together. One more thing they don't understand, but I think it's better illustrated rather than flat out said involving social games. I have seen friendships built in these games. I have seen group counseling given that saved marriages. I have seen someone's dog's life saved when a veterinarian guildie found out about another guildie's dog's issue and was able to give proper advice. I have cried upon finding out a friend I met in game but never irl (but talked to in Ventrilo) died in a car crash after having given me advice that changed my negative self image. I have seen bonds made between people that only striving towards a common goal can build (no matter how insignificant that goal is in the grand scheme of things). I have even seen guildies help a teenage guildie find reasons to get off drugs and know he has friends he can count on, even if he doesn't see them. Amongst this and much more, I have heard far less often the negative stereotypes that tend to be the extreme bad (abandoned families, divorces, etc.). As people have said, balancing this (as good as it can be) with offline hobbies and relationships is key, just like with any other social hobby, but what I mentioned above may help some people drive it home better that it can be done responsibly and can be healthy when balanced, and that abstinence from gaming isn't always the right answer for some people. Now excuse me while I get ready to do some birding with my fiancee and then go to sushi afterwards since this isn't a raiding day for our guild and I have the day off from work. Maybe we'll do something extreme and mindlessly watch a movie too Edited March 7, 2012 by Katzith Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clearsighted Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 ...that playing 30-60 minutes a day makes me a "casual" player. Bad idea. If you can't get your wife or GF interested in gaming with you, then you're either not gonna game or not gonna have a wife/GF for very long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lunazen Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) Don't reason with them. The worst thing you can do is to make them play the same game. Remember it's your retreat and you don't have to justify any of it. LOL worst relationship advice ever! My advice would be the exact opposite of the first two points. Try to reason with her. Try to get her to play the game. If neither of these work, then remind her it's your retreat, no different than any other hobby or downtime. But, and especially if it's marriage or an otherwise serious and committed relationship, you do need to justify your actions. We all do to our SO's, especially if it affects them in any way. Female gamer here. Hubby and I both played SWG, though on separate servers. Played EQ2 together. Playing SWTOR together. Got the kids involved too, though they are mostly console games (ages 20 and 13). One happy gaming family Edited March 7, 2012 by Lunazen Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raveiyn Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 (edited) I think my husband married me only because I game. I've always been surprised by wives who freak out that their husband plays. I mean, he's sitting there, in your house, where you can see him, playing a video game. He's not out partying, or at the bar. Some men are into sports, some are into cars, some are into games. I always tell the wives-- why don't you try playing WITH him? Anyway-- women like that are ridiculous, imo. Get outta my head!! I am glad I read before posting because I was going to type the same thing. Sitting on a game for endless hours after work/school isn't healthy for anyone, much less while in a relationship. Being on a game for a couple hours a day is the equivalent of sitting in front of a sports game or a movie. That being said, Ransom is 100% completely right. There is definitely something to be said about your significant other wanting to be home. I experienced this from the other side as a gamer girl with BF's who didn't understand why I didn't want to go out and party. I got asked out and would decline because, seriously, all I wanted to do was go home, grab a shower, order a pizza, and get on my game with some kicking music in the background. My husband and I were friends for 2 years before actually dating. He was friends with my roommate, and watched me playing one of my games. He asked me "How do you keep track of all that crap on the screen". Apparently he was a single player gamer. I got him on the game I was playing, we would go do things together in the game.. ended up talking and.. well things just went from there. Having similar interests (and similar understanding) has helped us come a LONG way. Don't reason with them. The worst thing you can do is to make them play the same game. Remember it's your retreat and you don't have to justify any of it. (Why do I get the feeling he is trolling the ladies to rile a response?) Don't "make" them do anything. Encourage, but never force. "Don't reason with them" What the heck? If you honestly don't feel like you need to "justify" making someone feel neglected or unimportant then you should probably stay single until you learn it is easier to communicate and coexist rather than create hostility. Edited March 7, 2012 by Raveiyn Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kremss Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 If you can't get your wife or GF interested in gaming with you, then you're either not gonna game or not gonna have a wife/GF for very long. I think it really depends on the individual. My wife and I met around the same time SWG started. We were both mid 20's. I played for about 2 years along with many other console games. I hadn't played an mmo since, but I still played console games until swtor came out. She has no interest in gaming. Every once is a while i can get her to play Mario Cart or Bust a move games like that. As many times as I have tried to get her to play Swtor with me she has no interest. We have been together for nearly 10 years, have a 2 year old son and have Great Marriage. I play Swtor A few hours a day, mostly at night after my son goes to sleep. My wife has no problems with me playing. She has her hobbies (Sewing, Food Network, Sudoku) I have mine, Golf, Fantasy Sports and Gaming. We have a few TV shows we watch together like Survivor, Amazing Race, Spartacus and Walking dead and of course our son that keep us doing plenty of things together. Like she always says, "It could be worse, you could be out at the bar." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dekkard_TNGC Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Don't reason with them. The worst thing you can do is to make them play the same game. Remember it's your retreat and you don't have to justify any of it. forever alone Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Delmina Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 It's a hobby like any other. And really, it's much better than sitting unengaged and unthinking in front of a tv all night for the same amount of time. If your significant other isn't a gamer and seems bothered by it, try to keep your gaming in moderation and realize that they probably just want more attention from you(or they want you to get going on that TO-DO List). Luckily, I'm among those that plays with my boyfriend. Often times I'll just watch him play single player games (since I suck at them but enjoy the story) and I'm happy doing that. Now that I'm in school full-time and don't live with him, we get to spend time together during the week by playing TOR together and it gives us interaction and time to talk about whatever. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobsy Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 One of the most positive things I've got from these forums are the number of people saying that they play with their spouses. I think that's something really great, and it's not an impression I've got from any other MMO I've played. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotton Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 My woman of 6 years left a long time ago over computer games and website development... I was sad, But still played SWG.....Then SHE started to play SWG to mess with me.....Found out she loved it, spent more time with me there than she did at home Then told me she moved in with guy who makes websites ...Lol but dont get paid ( I did) I feel life is just another game, strange and twisted and who can figure it out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paxmendacium Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Can you even be called a player at that point? Get her to play something like the Sims. I hear non-gaming women like that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezzie Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I keep telling myself that my next boyfriend is going to be a gamer! Alas, I keep finding the "needy" ones that do not game! Getting involved in WoW really helped me pass the time after I kicked my husband out of the house in 2006. I developed a lot of friendships that have carried over to SWTOR. Real life always comes first, but I do love my hobby of gaming! Now if i can find a tall, dark, handsome tank for me to heal, I'm set!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotton Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I keep telling myself that my next boyfriend is going to be a gamer! Alas, I keep finding the "needy" ones that do not game! Getting involved in WoW really helped me pass the time after I kicked my husband out of the house in 2006. I developed a lot of friendships that have carried over to SWTOR. Real life always comes first, but I do love my hobby of gaming! Now if i can find a tall, dark, handsome tank for me to heal, I'm set!! Careful what ya wish for there babe!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezzie Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 A girl must have her standards... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOrionX Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Does your wife watch reality TV? Just a question. People that waste their lives watching Jersey Shore have no place flipping anybody crap for gaming. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOrionX Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I keep telling myself that my next boyfriend is going to be a gamer! Alas, I keep finding the "needy" ones that do not game! Getting involved in WoW really helped me pass the time after I kicked my husband out of the house in 2006. I developed a lot of friendships that have carried over to SWTOR. Real life always comes first, but I do love my hobby of gaming! Now if i can find a tall, dark, handsome tank for me to heal, I'm set!! Nice try. Girls don't play SWTOR. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezzie Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Nice try. Girls don't play SWTOR. Ha! All my WoW toons were boys... I decided to actual play my gender this time around! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bladedakoda Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 If you can't get your wife or GF interested in gaming with you, then you're either not gonna game or not gonna have a wife/GF for very long. That is such crap, i have been playing mmo's for 7 years, and my wife and i have been married for 10. Your logic fails. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOrionX Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 Ha! All my WoW toons were boys... I decided to actual play my gender this time around! I usually roll 1 male toon, then all my alts are female. I just can't stand looking at a dudes butt all the time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fezzie Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 I usually roll 1 male toon, then all my alts are female. I just can't stand looking at a dudes butt all the time. That's the best excuse I have heard yet!! Breasticles > man arse Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arrys Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 ...that playing 30-60 minutes a day makes me a "casual" player. Bad idea. Well we are hereby revoking your gamer card and your guy card. How many it lost you with the wife who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
XOrionX Posted March 7, 2012 Share Posted March 7, 2012 That's the best excuse I have heard yet!! Breasticles > man arse So very true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakens Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 ...that playing 30-60 minutes a day makes me a "casual" player. Bad idea. Thats why i dont have a wife...have a dog telling me im a nerd every 2 hours though. Conclusion, gamers shouldn´t have dogs either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthRamette Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 I met my husband on SWG, we both rolled Empire and started to talk via the game. Two years later we were married, and two years after that we have a kid. We both play SWTOR but he tends to play more then me which is cool...normally. The only time I get pissed at his gaming is when he won't watch our son while I have my study time for school. Other then that we balance it well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oakens Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Cool, thats how it should work. Now i need to make my dog stop facepalming me and roll her eyes everytime she walks past me. I thought 4lbs of meat then a tummy rub would suffice....gimmie a break. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Colow_Leper Posted March 8, 2012 Share Posted March 8, 2012 Cool, thats how it should work. Now i need to make my dog stop facepalming me and roll her eyes everytime she walks past me. I thought 4lbs of meat then a tummy rub would suffice....gimmie a break. Should do - it works on my GF! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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