Jump to content

How Warm is it Inside a Tauntaun? (SW Humor!)


Recommended Posts

Darth Vader and Luke.

Suddenly in the middle of the fight, Darth Vader pulls Luke to him, and whispers "I know what you're getting for Christmas!"

Luke exclaims "But how??!?"

"It's true Luke, *breath* I know what you're getting for Christmas."

Luke tries to ignore this, but tears himself free, screaming "How could you know this?!"

Vader replies, "I felt your presents."

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I read it first when Phantom Menace came out, it's still one of my favourite pieces of SW humor, so here it is - the super secret extended I AM YOUR FATHER scene from ESB:



The Empire Strikes Back: Extra-Special Edition




A furious lightsaber duel is underway. DARTH VADER is backing


LUKE SKYWALKER towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader, chops off Luke's hand! It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.


Darth Vader: Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father.

Luke: He told me enough! He told me you killed him!

Darth Vader: No... I am your father!

Luke: No, it's not true! It's impossible.

Darth Vader: Search your feelings... you know it to be true.

Luke: NO!

Darth Vader: Yes, it is true, and you know what else? You know that brass droid of yours?

Luke: Threepio?

Darth Vader: Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old...

Luke: No...!

Darth Vader: Seven years old! And what have you done? Look at yourself, no hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp.

Luke: I destroyed your precious Death Star!

Darth Vader: When you were 20! When I was 10, I single- handedly destroyed a Trade Federation Droid Control ship!

Luke: Well, it's not my fault...

Darth Vader: Oh, here we go... "Poor me... my father never gave me what I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...waahhh wahhh!"

Luke: Shut up...

Darth Vader: You're a slacker! By the time I was your age, I had exterminated the Jedi knights!

Luke: I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon.

Darth Vader: Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here, baby!


{Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.}


Darth Vader: I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose son you are, but you sure ain't mine...


{Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the shaft.}


{Darth Vader looks after him.}


Darth Vader: Get a haircut!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Create New...