Being Stalked, Harassed, and Bullied 1

[MystyqeofXev]

Have you ever been stalked in real life? .

 

Only by an ex-GF. Master's Degree in "Sports Psychology"

 

Let's just say she confirmed my theory that people go into the mental health profession because they are in dire need of their own services.

[kage_goomba]

Only by an ex-GF. Master's Degree in "Sports Psychology"

 

Let's just say she confirmed my theory that people go into the mental health profession because they are in dire need of their own services.

 

^^^this

You'd be surprised how scary accurate this is. (Mental Health remark)

 

I've been stalked too....prob not on the context you'd expect - but harassment is harassment.

[denavin]

Guess all this means is that I must stop whispering to other players that their outfit looks nice.

 

Because, after all, when I say someone's outfit looks nice, what I mean is, someone's outfit looks nice, and that's all there is to it.

Nothing more.

 

 

It's not you.... It's the poor little snowflakes that are offended if the wind blows south instead of north.

 

There is NOTHING you can to to protect yourself from these poor unfortunate little soles that have no self worth and are so emotionally fragile that daily life will make them cringe. Or that a word of complement will offend their poor little miss guided outlook on life in general.

 

Just because somebody says something NICE does not mean they are HITTING on you or cyber-STALKING you.

Edited December 31, 2021 by denavin

[Nickodemous]

Who exactly determines what is stalked, harrassed, and bullied? Is there a bully manual available so that the majority of us, who don't feel this way, can consult?

 

I am very interested in finding out who determines what is "stalked, harassed, and bullied"

 

The player base needs the "get hurt quick" manual that we can refer to avoid such hurt feelings.

 

Sincerely,

 

one who does not feel the same way....

Edited December 31, 2021 by Nickodemous

[kage_goomba]

Who exactly determines what is stalked, harrassed, and bullied? Is there a bully manual available so that the majority of us, who don't feel this way, can consult?

 

I am very interested in finding out who determines what is "stalked, harassed, and bullied"

 

The player base needs the "get hurt quick" manual that we can refer to avoid such hurt feelings.

 

Sincerely,

 

one who does not feel the same way....

 

Is it just me or the trolls are getting worse by the day?

You know how to use google...look it up.

[Sarova]

There's a guy on Star Forge who will whisper to random players, male and female, "you look like you need a master" lol

It's not just Star Forge; I've had the whisper on Darth Malgus. I just hit ignore but now seeing some of the responses wished I'd /w back something witty.

 

EDIT: As for the question of whether someone is making a genuine query, trolling or bullying, without clear guidance in the T&Cs people pretty much do what they want (and/or what they think they can get away with). If you are on the receiving end and feel uncomfortable, hitting ignore/reporting is your best option (imo). If you feel you are being harassed (or they are clearly in breach of the T&Cs we do have) screenshot, report and ignore. No-one should prevent you enjoying a game you choose (and probably pay) to play. My characters are female but that does not indicate that I'm also female irl. I get lots of queries via /w asking whether I roleplay or want to join a roleplaying guild and I usually reply, "no thanks" or "not my interest, thanks". I've always received a "thanks for replying" response; not everyone in the game asking this is a troll or harasser.

Edited December 31, 2021 by Sarova

[OddballEasyEight]

Guess all this means is that I must stop whispering to other players that their outfit looks nice.

 

Because, after all, when I say someone's outfit looks nice, what I mean is, someone's outfit looks nice, and that's all there is to it.

Nothing more.

 

But after reading all this, silence is the rule now. Heaven help me if I'm reported for a compliment.

 

I'm obviously keying off the word will here. No, it's not a given, not a priori, that every compliment anyone ever gives is always followed by a request to RP when the person responds with a nice "thank you," nor always entails some manner of subsequent harassment.

 

Hmm... It seems you missed a part of that story.

 

I'll break it down for you so you won't have to be afraid to whisper someone about their outfit looking good.

 

1. Someone comments on someone's outfit being nice.
   
2. they reply with "thank you"
   
3. THEN the other person replies with "do you roleplay?"
   
4. and thaaaaaaaaat's when the harassment usually starts.
   

 

So, as long as you don't start being weird after that first reply of "thank you", you'll be fine.

 

There you go... no need to get triggered.

[HoosierDuke]

Guess all this means is that I must stop whispering to other players that their outfit looks nice.

 

Because, after all, when I say someone's outfit looks nice, what I mean is, someone's outfit looks nice, and that's all there is to it.

 

I know, I was getting creepy vibes from this thread too.

[ronin_chi_lao]

I know, I was getting creepy vibes from this thread too.

lol uh welcome to the internet?

[casirabit]

Hmm... It seems you missed a part of that story.

 

I'll break it down for you so you won't have to be afraid to whisper someone about their outfit looking good.

 

1. Someone comments on someone's outfit being nice.
   
2. they reply with "thank you"
   
3. THEN the other person replies with "do you roleplay?"
   
4. and thaaaaaaaaat's when the harassment usually starts.
   

 

So, as long as you don't start being weird after that first reply of "thank you", you'll be fine.

 

There you go... no need to get triggered.

 

I am a roleplayer so I would not think if the person asked me if I roleplay to be that much out of character for a roleplayer. I usually would answer it would depend on your version of roleplay. If it was a normal roleplayer, this would not be a problem when you ask them to define their version of roleplay.

Edited January 1, 2022 by casirabit

[kage_goomba]

I am a roleplayer so I would not think if the person asked me if I roleplay to be that much out of character for a roleplayer. I usually would answer it would depend on your version of roleplay. If it was a normal roleplayer, this would not be a problem when you ask them to define their version of roleplay.

 

This - people love making presumptions - fact remains - be upfront and honest - generally miscommunications are avoided.

 

If you can't handle it...ignore them and move on.

(Aimed at general audience)

[OddballEasyEight]

So many people in this thread seem to have fundamental reading comprehension issues.

 

Is Cedia saying that you're creepy for telling someone their character looks cute?

 

No.

 

Like they said, they usually just follow up with a "thank you" and that's that.

 

It's when people start pressing on after that that it usually gets creepy.

 

As a guy who has plenty of female characters, I've had this happen to me plenty of times too.

 

And it either stops at "your character looks cute" - "thanks" or it keeps going and gets creepy.

 

I can't remember a single time when someone has commented on my characters looks and then continued talking to me where it hasn't gotten weird.

 

Granted, I usually just give them the "Dude, I'm a guy" response and they leave.

 

But sometimes they don't and start saying stuff like "that's ok, we can pretend" or... worse.

 

And then they get ignored.

 

But just whispering to someone to tell them that their character looks cute isn't harassment, and nobody here is saying that.

 

Stop pretending otherwise.

[ronin_chi_lao]

It's funny on my main character callanthi all I get usually is "why do you play on a female character?"

and yes the occasional your character outfit looks good and I say thanks and that's it.

Mixed bag of thoughts. Maybe a culture reaction thing. I'm just guessing but either way if someone really pressed on with it I would just ignore them ezee pezee.

[OddballEasyEight]

It's funny on my main character callanthi all I get usually is "why do you play on a female character?"

and yes the occasional your character outfit looks good and I say thanks and that's it.

Mixed bag of thoughts. Maybe a culture reaction thing. I'm just guessing but either way if someone really pressed on with it I would just ignore them ezee pezee.

 

And that's the thing, though.

Nobody here is saying that they don't just ignore and then it's fine.

 

 

No, the issue here seems to be all these people taking offense at the thought that someone might ignore them or report them if they merely whisper "your character looks cute".

 

Which is very strange, since nobody here has said that.

 

It's almost as if they're being disingenuous and trying to strawman the OP and other posters here by saying "OMG we all have to be completely silent and never talk to anyone or we'll get ignored or reported!"

 

Gee, I wonder what kind of person would react like that when someone states that they sometimes get harassed when people whisper them about their characters looks...

[xordevoreaux]

And that's the thing, though.

Nobody here is saying that they don't just ignore and then it's fine.

 

 

No, the issue here seems to be all these people taking offense at the thought that someone might ignore them or report them if they merely whisper "your character looks cute".

 

Which is very strange, since nobody here has said that.

 

It's almost as if they're being disingenuous and trying to strawman the OP and other posters here by saying "OMG we all have to be completely silent and never talk to anyone or we'll get ignored or reported!"

 

Gee, I wonder what kind of person would react like that when someone states that they sometimes get harassed when people whisper them about their characters looks...

 

 

Go back to the OP's original post, if the person hasn't edited the hell out of it. Look for the word will.

That word paints harassment as an inevitability. That's what I took umbrage with.

Edited January 1, 2022 by xordevoreaux

[Damask_Rose]

As I explained to many many members and friends - in an effort to fix this.

 

Girl means - Guy-In-Real-Life

 

You'd be surprised how quickly they shut right up.

Even broke a poor gal's brain with this - she had no idea. (A girl in real life in fact)

 

Pretty sick people out there who are in denial of the obvious fact majority of female chars are actually guys. But hey...let them embarrass themselves - more entertainment for me.

 

The Guy In Real Life thing really irritates me. It just feeds into that 20 year old misogynistic belief that women don't play video games. Over 30% of SWtOR players are female, so the odds of a female character being played by a woman are actually quite high. Just like the odds of a male character being played by a female are pretty high as well. Only idiots make assumptions about who is behind the keyboard.

[OddballEasyEight]

Go back to the OP's original post, if the person hasn't edited the hell out of it. Look for the word will.

That word paints harassment as an inevitability. That's what I took umbrage with.

 

Oh yes, I've seen your post.

 

And it stinks, if I'm honest.

 

Because you remind me of so many people I've dealt with before who just find that one phrase and focus on that, completely ignoring the big picture.

 

You know full well that they don't mean that it's an inevitability.

 

You're being obtuse in a way that I've seen so many people be before when it comes to harassment.

 

And they alwa... (no, wait... have to pick words carefully here... they *almost always*. Or maybe that's too strong still? Let's go with *very often*. Yes, let's go with that. Wouldn't want you to take me too literally. ), sorry, they very often get hung up on one word or phrasing in the other persons statement and focus on on that exclusively.

 

It's equivalent to the "not all men" defense that gets thrown around whenever someone talks about harassment.

 

 

Yes, I don't think anyone here genuinely thought that Cedia meant that if someone whispers you that your character is cute, then they WILL always, without fail, follow that up with "do you RP", and never ever reply with anything else in any way shape or form.

 

So stop pretending that you were personally offended by the phrasing of the statement.

 

You're starting to sound like the guys who go "oh no, now I can't talk to any girls any more" when people say that you maybe shouldn't comment on other peoples looks at work.

[OddballEasyEight]

Only idiots make assumptions about who is behind the keyboard.

 

Let's be fair, though.

 

The idiots are the ones doing the harassment...

[kage_goomba]

The Guy In Real Life thing really irritates me. It just feeds into that 20 year old misogynistic belief that women don't play video games. Over 30% of SWtOR players are female, so the odds of a female character being played by a woman are actually quite high. Just like the odds of a male character being played by a female are pretty high as well. Only idiots make assumptions about who is behind the keyboard.

 

Where do you get the idea that I was playing into that belief that women don't play games?

I never said that.

I said that majority of female chars are male players.

 

I have quite a few friendly gals who play games on Discord.

Sadly not too many in SWTOR - not any I could hang around with.

 

I also disagree about Male chars being driven by Female players - they are rather rare in my experience.

But you may be talking about just this game alone - I'm talking all games here.

 

But in any case - we agree on the fact that people tend to assume/presume too much.

[OddballEasyEight]

I also disagree about Male chars being driven by Female players - they are rather rare in my experience.

But you may be talking about just this game alone - I'm talking all games here.

 

Don't forget that the vaaaaaaaast majority of main characters in games are male, though.

 

So if you're gonna include all games, you're gonna be wrong

[kage_goomba]

Don't forget that the vaaaaaaaast majority of main characters in games are male, though.

 

So if you're gonna include all games, you're gonna be wrong

 

Try FFXIV.

You lose that fight easily.

EVE Online as well.

That thing about presumptions/assumptions? Don't fall for that trap yourself.

[OddballEasyEight]

Try FFXIV.

You lose that fight easily.

EVE Online as well.

That thing about presumptions/assumptions? Don't fall for that trap yourself.

 

So... two games.

 

Did you include all games since 1962 in your assumption?

[kage_goomba]

So... two games.

 

Did you include all games since 1962 in your assumption?

 

I don't see you refuting the ones I picked neither.

Time to move along.

[TziganeNZ]

<snip>

 

I also disagree about Male chars being driven by Female players - they are rather rare in my experience.

But you may be talking about just this game alone - I'm talking all games here.

 

Female in RL. Have 54 characters in SWTOR, roughly half of which (give or take a couple) are male.

 

EQ2 - more characters over more accounts, similar proportion of male:female.

 

FFXIV - not so many characters, roughly a third are male.

 

Plus other games....

Edited January 1, 2022 by TziganeNZ

[Damask_Rose]

Where do you get the idea that I was playing into that belief that women don't play games?

I never said that.

I said that majority of female chars are male players.

 

I have quite a few friendly gals who play games on Discord.

Sadly not too many in SWTOR - not any I could hang around with.

 

I also disagree about Male chars being driven by Female players - they are rather rare in my experience.

But you may be talking about just this game alone - I'm talking all games here.

 

But in any case - we agree on the fact that people tend to assume/presume too much.

 

You might not have meant that, but that is precisely what the phrase is referring to. It has been around for a very long time, back in the day when women gamers really were a small minority. It usually goes hand in hand with the mentality that anything goes in chat since they don't think there are any women around when misogynistic topics are flying around. (Similar to the assumption that there are no minorities playing, so racist topics are OK.) So keep in mind that even if you aren't intending to perpetuate the myth that women don't game, that is exactly what you are doing when you talk about G.I.R.L. gamers.

 

With more than 30% of SWtOR players being women the odds are significant that the player behind the avatar is female. Is 1/3 equal to 1/2? Of course not, but it is a significant minority none the less. As for women playing male characters? That is not terribly rare either. SWtOR, in particular, encourages making alts of all varieties to see all possible storylines. Nearly every story player I have met has made as least some alts of opposing genders. I started playing male characters in the MMO stone ages because that was the one sure fire way of not getting unwanted attention. 23 years of reading about harassment in MMOs has shown me that a lot of women do the same.

Edited January 2, 2022 by Damask_Rose