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Totally Super Genuine For Sure Upcoming Maps*


Verain

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(1)- Kuat Mesas Domination (Night Time)- Given how this map is selected more often than any other map, we can safely say that it is both the most popular and best. Therefore, presenting: Kuat Mesas Domination (NIGHT TIME)- all your favorite superstructures, mountains, and the unofficial Bomber Starbucks at B- but at night! Swing by one of the strange holes with a giant grate over it to hear the latest indie hits from the holonet.

 

(2)- Just a Whole Lot of Cap Ships With No Objectives- And they shoot at you.

 

(3)- Denon (Team Death Match)- I mean, it's the least we could do.

 

(4)- Kuat Mesas Domination (Orange Sky)- Dusk is an important time at Kuati Shipyards, giving great tactical advantage to those flying with the sun at their back**.

 

 

 

 

 

 

* For sure genuine super totes

 

 

**No in-game advantage is realized by this

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I heard* that there is definitely, assuredly, completely also:

 

(5)- Kuat Mesas Domination (Daybreak)- Tactical opportunities arise slowly in this early morning arena, where everyone suffers -20% maneuvering and scouts have 0 Evasion, because they were all up too late the previous night spamming rockets and burst lasers on everyone. Find the new Coffee Powerup to remove all penalties!

 

* I may not have actually heard that.

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You forgot about

 

KUAT MESAS CORRIDORS OF DEATH!

 

All inner facing mesa walls now have multiple untargetable railgun drones embedded under the surface! Flying into any of the inner rings means your annihilation by the map! THE WALLS FIGHT BACK!

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Wrath of the Cheeseburgers in Space

 

 

Renegade dark lord of the happy meal, Ronald McDonald has come with his deadly food force to super size the galaxy into oblivion.

 

On this map as you death match, you must also destroy/avoid the many burger fighters as they unleash their array of special sauce weapons. Avoid the hidden fries as they tangle you up and pull you into the wall. Becareful of running into the nuggets as they fly through. :D

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Not more close to the ground game modes, please. I fly a Starship, not an airplane. More space combat like Lost Shipyard.

 

I know English isn't your first language, so I'll be plain: The thread is satire. The goal is to come up with really derivative or uninspired maps and present them as if genuine.

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Don't feel bad, text based sarcasm tricks even native speakers sometimes. It's so fuzzy that people in the northern US are almost unable to detect some SPOKEN southern US sarcasm, and vice versa. Edited by Verain
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Well guys basically my dad is a BW dev and I hear all the cool stuff from him WAY before any of you hear anything from anybody ever.

 

On Sunday mornings from 9.00 and 12.00 (GMT) , all asteroid fields will actually turn into atonement fields. Going near them causes every bomber trying to drop a mine or turret play a .wav file saying " I am a bad person. I am so sorry:(".

It also works for charging slug or ion.

Edited by _Syntinen
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Kuat Shipyards Version Two Incoming:

 

Satelliet B moved slightly closer to Empire spawn since the republic accidentally won a match last week.

 

Kuat Ship Yard V.3

 

Due to V2 changes making it too easy for impside, we have introduced an asteroid between the imperial spawn point and B.

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Kuat Ship Yard V.3

 

Due to V2 changes making it too easy for impside, we have introduced an asteroid between the imperial spawn point and B.

 

Kuat Shipyards V4.

 

Due to V3 changes making it too easy for Imperial players to self destruct, all satellites aside from A have been removed. We believe this change will make it easier for gunship pilots to find all their targets in one place.

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Kuat Shipyards V4.

 

Due to V3 changes making it too easy for Imperial players to self destruct, all satellites aside from A have been removed. We believe this change will make it easier for gunship pilots to find all their targets in one place.

 

Kuat Mesas V.5

 

Due to V.4 making the Gunships too powerful, the satellite will now build up a self regenerating shield once it is capped.

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Kuat Mesas V.5

 

Due to V.4 making the Gunships too powerful, the satellite will now build up a self regenerating shield once it is capped.

 

...I want to go on record saying that would actually be quite cool.

Anyway. Continue the satire!

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