Selling PvP lessons. 500k/5mins

[Tevzz]

Don't quote the whole wall of text!

 

Btw Eavn, I'll attend your lessons but Frequencyz will send you the cash by mail (He's funding me to spy on your lessons, only to steal the knowledge and claim it as his )

[Keypek]

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

*************************************************************

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Can you expand on this and go into more detailed explanations please?

[OMGitsCHARLIE]

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

*************************************************************

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Quoting just cause lol

 

EDIT: Everypost moving forward must include the quoted post above... in honor of the legendary large signature.

Edited July 18, 2014 by OMGitsCHARLIE

[kamikrazy]

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

*************************************************************

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

[countpopeula]

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

I wish there was a way to get both quotes in this without me having to copy paste cause lol,lazyas***. Also I approve of the changes in this thread, this is in keeping with Eavn's old signature, RIP in peace. #swtordeadgame. #kiritoworstplayerNA

[Tevzz]

I wish there was a way to get both quotes in this without me having to copy paste cause lol,lazyas***. Also I approve of the changes in this thread, this is in keeping with Eavn's old signature, RIP in peace. #swtordeadgame. #kiritoworstplayerNA

 

Made a template because apparently it will become widely quoted.

 

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

*************************************************************

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

#PvPLessonsThreadGoingToShet

Edited July 18, 2014 by Tevzz

[OMGitsCHARLIE]

Quoting a post with quotes does not add them so here are both posts unquoted:

 

Quote 1:

 

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

************************************************** ***********

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Quote 2:

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

Quote this from now forward

Edited July 18, 2014 by OMGitsCHARLIE

[kamikrazy]

Quoting a post with quotes does not add them so here are both posts unquoted:

 

Quote 1:

 

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

************************************************** ***********

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Quote 2:

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

Quote this from now forward

 

this is a great template, thanks.

[DARKheartLAND]

This thread is bad and you should feel bad.

[Large_Signature]

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Quote 2:

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

 

 

This thread is now amazing.

 

the glory of Large_Signature shall live on

 

huzah

 

also @kirito, i told you no peasants allowed, so shoo, we don't want you in here.

[OMGitsCHARLIE]

Quoting a post with quotes does not add them so here are both posts unquoted:

 

Quote 1:

 

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

************************************************** ***********

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Quote 2:

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

Quote this from now forward

 

Bro you forgot to quote man.

[Large_Signature]

Quoting a post with quotes does not add them so here are both posts unquoted:

 

Quote 1:

 

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

************************************************** ***********

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Quote 2:

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

Quote this from now forward

 

darn it

[xXDark_ShadowXx]

Quoting a post with quotes does not add them so here are both posts unquoted:

 

Quote 1:

 

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

************************************************** ***********

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Quote 2:

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

Quote this from now forward

 

Eavn will be back after his 3 day forum ban is up. Keep up the good work folks

[OMGitsCHARLIE]

quoting a post with quotes does not add them so here are both posts unquoted:

 

Quote 1:

 

Teaching the in's and out's of a mmorpg.....'b' for effort (since you have no references), but 'f' for originality:

 

Warning language (and long)

 

************************************************** ***********

 

the quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of the quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of norrath, i’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of vi’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, the quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..notes, chords, melody, and such ****. C’mon, if i see one more bard with some name like halfnote mcsonganddance or minstril st.polkasinger, the quon’s gonna sl the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a bard anyway? I catch mana song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the gy’s in pop, but the quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a swarm kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But i miss them, if only cause i want to bust out my old hot key, “play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

the quon’s general heal strategy for bards: Hit ‘em with a celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the mcs valuable mana i wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then i giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – the quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “i need your help”. If they pays, the quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme softpuss, catank, tigerlily growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were seigfried and his man-toy roy.

 

The quon’s general heal strategy for beastlords: After i rez one, celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

druid – nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call evac. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now i half expect to see them sporting mullets and parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And druids…listen up. Don’t over-write the quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate ch in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note the quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless tunare tells them too…it’s always “by tunares will this” and “by tunares might that”. By tunares mouth they toss the quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling the quon’s ‘sow potion’ in the back alleys of shadowhaven.

 

The quon’s general heal strategy for druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – i suggest that soe make chanters start out at level 60 with kei already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast kei on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer i’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a power ranger backpack. Lastly, if you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – all mage’s should line up in the hallways of nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A woodelf honie with chest guns the size of west karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of schlitz malt liquor bull 40′s. The problem with these mages is that the quon has to ask for the ****. The instant the quon joins a group with a mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to the quon. Does the quon look like a mage to you? No! How the phuck am i supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the quon’s ***.

 

The quon’s general heal strategy for magicians: Let’s be real, the quon watches the little green bar under the mage’s closer than he watches the mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a mage died the quon wouldn’t even bother with a rez.

 

Rangers – this one is just too easy, the quon almost feels guilty rippin on rangers. No matter what the quon says about rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the ranger, the only choice is for the quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent hot key. Rangers should get an aa ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The quon does group with rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the ranger loses hp’s. It’s like hunting with bubble boy. Female ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The quon’s general heal strategy for rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for greater heal. That’s all the quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when the quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss the big heal bomb on a ranger for ***** and giggles. And while i do it i scream in both group and say, “who’s a big boy?…who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the big heal bomb to land in time, the quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – self proclaimed “holy warriors” of eq. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “rez in my pocket” thing. Lay hands is mad brilliant. “hey, get your hands off my ****!” “awww girl, i’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

the problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, female, ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in eq and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, the quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around the paladin. It’s all truth, honor, integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the brown eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “but the quon, i’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” i swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, i’m gonna light your **** up, yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and the quon looks like he may die, don’t even think about lay on hands for the quon. You’ll just get a fist full of divine aura to grind up on.

 

The quon’s healing strategy for paladins: The quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – the quon has an uber bracer of the hidden just for see invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And the quon knows it ain’t no accident. When the quon was younger and newer to the ways of eq love, he hooked up with this halfling rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over the quon, talking nasty in that secret thief language about some **** the quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening the quon has. The quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get the quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in the quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that pickpocket money with the quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the dot money you owe me either.” respect.

The quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “so you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, the quon accidentally cast sound of force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” pwnd.

 

The quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – not quite a warrior and not quite a necro. More often than not the quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the warriors brains and the necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a sk because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time the quon sees a sk he wants to bust a cap in their ***. Sk’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their ht load. The quon could watch for the harm touch message and then be all like “next!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain the quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything the quon does…”damn, the quon can heal like a motha”…”damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in the quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess soe gave them pity pets cause they knew a sk would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a sk that didn’t have lfg next to their name? For the longest time the quon thought lfg was some kinda weird sk only guild. One of the quon’s favorite games is inviting a sk to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like sebilis and ****. They always come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive i’m like “dude, sorry, the quon thought you were a warrior.” after they calm down the quon’s all like “do you have 11 friends?”

 

the quon’s healing strategy for shadowknights: If they fool the quon and act like a warrior they get the big heal bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues the quon in, it’s celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – charter members of the purple club. When the quon dreams at night it’s mostly about wood elf bangtail, but every now and then, the quon has a nice dream about a phat barbarian chick warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid hp’s and ac like the quons sat’s (all 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more taunt than my drunk uncle on thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like the quon was a baby again and ****. The quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever the quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and the quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of the quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs the quon to let him try eq, what class does the quon make him play? You know it. The quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that for-***********-ever. Boooya, now you’re cletus, champion of norrath, ******.”

 

the quons healing strategy for warriors: No hating here. The big heal bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make the quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause the quon has no qualms about busting out supernal elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone and your guild boss. “supernal elixir for this weak *** 62 warrior cause the big heal bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

necros — these cats bug the quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a felwithe steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the grobb warrior’s guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing air hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give the quon a phuckin’ break. You necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to pop, all “what up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks the quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a necro in a poj trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc lfg to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for the quons group. Ghetto crowd control…mana regen…healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that the quon likes. It’s dead man floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes the quon feel like he is pumping a little woodelf scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, the quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when the quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to neriak, gives out a /shout “the quon is here, ******es gather”, and the quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his de necro honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, the quon sends an e-mail to sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even fd won’t wash away. The quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The quons healing strategy for necros – none. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /nuke…first aggro : 300mana

/nuke…second aggro : 400 mana

/nuke…wizard corpse : Priceless

the quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of the quon giggling his *** off.

 

The quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into maidens eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “paying 10k for a team manaburn on ragefire.” and then 10 seconds later, /shout “oh snap! The quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget the quon said anything. Peace.” it’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, nuke, ds…whatever. Your job in the quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when the quon wants some white castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask the quon for a buff. If you get in on a boa? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my aego for a ****can druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The quon’s advice to wizards is to tl back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double a battery.

 

The quons healing strategy for wizards – are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the mc.

 

Shaman – these buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of the quons drawers for brownie points. Then slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off clerics as the king pope among priests. The quon says bring that **** on. You shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up the quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the druids didn’t even get to the arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of the quons sow potion in their stomachs. The quon was in a pov group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with druid or shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, shammies heal like a lvl 24 druid with epilepsy.

 

And canni. The quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will the quons mana be considered less important than a shammies. Most shammies are all like “well don’t heal me then. I’ll just torpor.” well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The quon cares not.

 

And don’t get the quon started on slow agro. When the quon drops the big heal bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The quon accepts this like an mc cause that’s what the quon is. Shammies get slow agro and you’d think they were playing duck, duck, mothaphuckin goose or some ****. When the quon designs his mmorpg, he’s gonna give shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when i rip the heads off her malibu stacys.

 

The quon’s healing strategy for shaman – an occasional celestial if it’s a female barbarian. Male shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the mc.

 

Monk – the quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your monks hand rendering fd useless, so these ******s all go start shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of monks in rl is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when mommie comes home. In the quon’s mmorpg there will be no dragon punches and roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with monk personalities. Eunich slap, groin grab and compare, whirling limp wrist, and your ultra class defining ability the ball gag of death (self only). Also, no longer will fd have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in the quon’s game every time you fd, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the mob is finished, it will shout booyyah! And strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get the quon going on lazy monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have complete mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to fd on inc. The quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a shammie clean em out again.

 

And female monks? Fd on the quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The quon’s healing strategy for monks – the quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over the quon’s camp.

 

The quon out

 

quote 2:

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "pvp" but even though it's wow, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ a full guide to rbg leading (and playing) ~

 

 

contents:

1. Reasons to do rbgs

-

2. Getting a group together

2.1 the setup

2.2 the target caller

2.3 recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

this is a full guide on how to be successful in rated battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do rbgs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing rbg's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, i have met over 100 really nice people trough rbg, with which i still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a sick conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your rbg cap is 3511). However, since the changes in mop you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the rbg part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from rbg is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into vicious war wolf - item - world of warcraft for horde & vicious war steed - item - world of warcraft for alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as hero of the horde (or alliance) and high warlord/grand marshal.

Hero of the horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your battleground in rbg at the end of each season, this is the rbg equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my rbg. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 rbg, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is high warlord/grand marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own rbg groups i personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

before i start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in rbg and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that rbg is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 the setup

 

before i start on setup, the following: In rbg, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack rbg, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in rbg (especially between healers and fc and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular rbg setup is the following:

Flag carrier - arms warrior/feral druid (ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as fc. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-fc maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in rbgs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good warrior, but a bad warrior is better than a bad feral. (if you are low rating, arms warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian fc and having an arms warrior fc is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - holy paladin

healer - resto druid/mistweaver monk (with the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a monk is now significantly better to get. However, good monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

healer - resto shaman/holy priest

again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however i believe holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

Dps - unholy deathknight

dps - frost mage

dps - affliction warlock

 

this is the core of any good rbg group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

Dps - shadow priest

dps - 2nd affliction warlock

dps - 2nd dk/arms warrior

dps - rogue

dps - balance druid

dps - hunter (though i am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

dps - elemental shaman

 

my personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''i got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, i understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, i am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 target caller

 

you will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a dps and are leading the bg, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this i claim no credit but i will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should only switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended target callers

1. Death knight - death grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - while not as good as a dk a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro lock - while not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- do not tunnel a target

- do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- don't be shy

 

what to do!

- switch often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- enable, "target count" in your battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- call for cc, on healers when you are going to burst

- give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till aoe grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an aoe grip with a ring of frost and solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 recruiting the right people

 

i use 4 general ways to find people for my rbg groups:

 

 

A. Guild

 

i am personally in an rbg guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that i would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

B. Trade

 

make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing rbg

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected mmr will be

 

a macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 lfm <insert needed class/needed other class> for rbg, requires 2400 arena or 2400 rbg or 2200 current rbg, be around ~2200 mmr, using skype

this should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate mmr, you should ask experience in arena or rbg 200 above that or require somebody's current rbg rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons mmr, mostly by judging his w-l ratio, the higher that is, the higher his mmr will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

C. Skype conversations

 

i always use skype as my communication tool during rbg, so i have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which i know are decent (i have played with them before)

so if i am trying to make a new group, i always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if i can recruit people there, this is how i get most of my participants.

 

 

D. X-realm recruiting

 

as of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your real-id list from different servers in rbg.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your real-id list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in rbg, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #rbg.eu channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 preparing to queue

 

alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

the biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds i am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in rbg

 

 

4.0 addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for rbg ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the fc's/orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly boss mods for seeing when the next stack in fc games will be comming

3. Icycle (as target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all bg's but mostly for wsg/tp, please contact me or post it in this thread and i will be very grateful, i know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra hp boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in rbg that couldn't be used in arena, this includes infernal, bloodlust/heroism/time warp, lay on hands, ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag bg have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ cr of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but i don't believe blizzard does anything to counter rbg boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to aoe grip sharing dr with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

Quote this from now forward

rip in peace evan. We'll fight on

[Tevzz]

Quoting a post with quotes does not add them so here are both posts unquoted:

 

Quote 1:

 

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

************************************************** ***********

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Quote 2:

 

This is a really good guide covering all aspects of the "PvP" but even though it's WoW, it's still applicable.

------------------------

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

 

Contents:

1. Reasons to do RBGs

-

2. Getting a Group Together

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

2.3 d. X-Realm

-

3. Strategy

 

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

1. Reasons to do RBGs

1. It is fun, this is the biggest and most important part of doing RBG's, you have to think its fun, there are very few things in wow close to the rush you get from pulling a last-minute victory against an equally skilled team and knowing you contributed to that win (or even better, are the cause of that win).

2. It is a great opportunity to play with friends, I have met over 100 really nice people trough RBG, with which I still hang out and play from time to time

3. You get a SICK conquest cap from it, which is much higher then arena rating (on 2.2k your RBG cap is 3511). However, since the changes in MoP you will need to play (and win) alot of games per week to actually earn the RBG part of that cap. A good place to find out how high your cap from RBG is (gonna be) is http://whatsmycap.com/.

4. You get a nice mount if thats what your into Vicious War Wolf - Item - World of Warcraft for Horde & Vicious War Steed - Item - World of Warcraft for Alliance.

5. You can obtain very nice and prestigious titles, such as Hero of the Horde (or Alliance) and High Warlord/Grand Marshal.

Hero of the Horde is obtained by being within the top 0.5% of your Battleground in RBG at the end of each season, this is the RBG equivalent of gladiator. Last season, the cutoff in my RBG. Every 100 rating, starting from 1100 RBG, will get you a title. The highest title you can get is High Warlord/Grand Marshal, which is the equivalent of obtaining 2400 rating.

 

If that isn't enough for you to start leading your own RBG groups I personally don't know what is.

 

 

 

2. Getting a group together

Before I start, a note on individual skill:

While being individually skilled in RBG and knowing how to play your class is terribly important, being able to listen is even more important. A lot of good or semi-good arena people often forget that RBG is about accomplishing certain gimmicks, not a form of team death-match pve damage race, which some people believe it is (and frankly, is a good way to win most of the bg's). So you need to make sure you get people who do what you tell them to, even if they are not sure why you are asking them to do it.

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

d. X-realm recruiting

 

As of patch 4.3.2, it is now possible to queue with people from your Real-ID list from different servers in RBG.

This function is really easily abusable by just going on an x-realm forum, recruiting people there and then adding them to your Real-ID list and playing with them.

The best way to recruit x-realm people is to log an other account onto a server where you know there are alot of pvp players (stormscale-eu horde for instance) and spam your recruitment message there aswell.

Another way of recruiting people is arenajunkies, they got pretty decent lists of high-profile players interested in RBG, be warned though, these can be very low in rating/mmr considering most only care for arena.

Another way to recruit people is #RBG.EU channel on webchat.quakenet.org, there are usually hundreds of people active there, just spam your recruitment message there and wait for people to contact you.

You really need to be carefull with x-realm people, always check to see if they indeed are/have what they say they have, you got way less means of social control over them and they tend to leave or act rude far more often then the non-x-realm people simply because they will most likely never see you again.

If you like playing with a certain x-realmer just keep him on real-id with a note tagged to him of his class/spec/exp so you can call on him again should you make another group in the future.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

Quote this from now forward

 

I assumed people would hold down the left mouse button and slide the page down for 10 seconds What is the world becoming dammit

 

Time to start quoting multiple at once now. From now on, include the quote at least twice

 

Inb4BiowareModsBanForQuoteAbuse

Edited July 18, 2014 by Tevzz

[Dage]

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

*************************************************************

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

TL;DR

 

 

...also RIP Eavn.

[kamikrazy]

This one is a few chars short of the limit.

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

Contents:

-

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

-

3. Strategy

3.1 Warsong Gulch

3.2 Twin Peaks

3.3 Arathi Basin

3.4 Eye of the Storm

3.5 Battle of Gilneas

3.6 Silvershard Mines

3.7 Temple of Kotmogu

3.8 Deepwind Gorge

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

Before I start, a warning; leading RBGs aren't easy, you need to have the ability to network, be patient and above all have the ability to make harsh calls, you can't go and bring people because you feel sorry for them and sometimes you will have to be a dick. Also, as a leader of bad pugs, you can easily get a bad reputation on a server because you just wasted somebody's rating, so be careful with whom you play.

 

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

3.1 Warsong Gulch

 

This battleground is the bread and butter of each team and has been around the longest in the wow history.

It is a simple capture the flag battleground and lasts 20 or untill someone has captured 3 flags.

Most competitive games will last the full 20 minutes, unless someone manages to capture 2 flags, in which case its GG 90% of the time.

In the start of the game you want 9 out of 10 people to leave the gates trough your graveyard.

The 10th will go trough the tunnel and pickup the speed buff, so that the enemy FC can't get it if he manages to push trough you (which will happen 90% of the time), this should also be the person picking up berserking, usually a warlock or balance druid.

 

You should have 9 people fairly close to each other and your FC on the right side of the map, so he can slip trough as soon as the fighting starts. DO NOT have your FC try and get the flag before the midfield fight has started because otherwise they might turn around and try to kill him, if they succeed they have a huge advantage and even if they fail they force you into a bad position (fighting close to their base, near their GY).

 

If they have a mage, rogue, hunter or sometimes even balance druid, chances are they will try to slow down your FC to prevent him from getting to the flag, anticipate this by having a player (your least important player in team fights) be mounted up until all of the aforementioned classes are either in combat or trying to engage the tank, if they try to engage the tank it's his job to cc them/slow them down so the tank can run past safely. Tanks in this case should never dismount unless absolutely necessary.

 

Of course if you are using a feral druid as FC, you shouldn't have to worry about it, since he should just be stealthing past them.

 

Personally I dont try to go for the enemy FC because im not using a hunter or rogue and am fairly confident in my groups ability to wipe the enemy team midfield. If you have a feral druid and they have a Warrior and you are winning the team fight, you can send 2-3 DPS to their Warrior to kill him before he gets close to his team.

 

90% of the time the fight will start when a DK gets a decent grip going and people connect on that target, if you do not have a DK, make sure you engage them first because if they grip you you are in a bad shape

 

While struggling in the mid try and wipe them one by one, follow your target callers orders and hope your team is good enough to wipe them.

- Try killing them and pushing them back to their graveyard.

- If you get close to their graveyard quickly, stop advancing and just keep them boxed in, make sure nobody escapes, that way, when their FC enters midfield, you can easily swap onto him and kill him.

 

By now, both FC's should have the flag and should be running back, if you are wiping them your FC should take the tunnel, if they are wiping you you should all disengage and meet up with your FC at the ramp to get him across the map safely.

 

If you see their FC come out of your tunnel and you are on their side call for a disengage of 2-3 people (preferably high-burst classes, like mages spriests and destro locks), everybody else should stay fighting and slowing down the enemy team while those people go for the EFC.

This will usually force 1-2 major cooldowns (last stand/shieldwall) out of their tank or even kill him allowing you to get an easy cap.

 

If this doesn't happen, have your FC stay behind the group, and have an Hpaladin keep an eye on him, if they want to swap onto your FC they should either use a grip (which can be countered by life-grip) or charge trough your full group, which leaves them and their healers exposed allowing for a quick wipe.

 

Once you start pushing them towards their graveyard, send your FC together with 1 hpaladin back to your base and start pushing for their FC.

Keep an eye on their spawntimers and try to kill some of them while the rest just spawned for an easy second wipe.

A good way to do this is have a stopwatch set to 45 seconds and push it every time they ress (if one of you addon people read this please help me and make this for me)

With 3 stacks up a Deathgrip-Stun-Smokebomb (if with rogue) should force major cooldowns/get you a kill.

If the EFC isn't standing at their GY but rather in their base, you need to wipe them one last time (should be easy since they will most likely have a healer with their FC) and then have 2-3 people go for the EFC, against heavy burst classes like lock/spriest/mage are ideal for this (though mages not so much after the recent frostbomb nerf).

 

If you don't have the group to wipe them and they are pushing you back, the only way to win is to fight on your graveyard, with your FC behind you or even on top of your graveyard (warriors can intervene up and (s)priests can grip healers up.

Keep in mind that they can be gripped down by DK's and that warriors/rogues can shadowstep/charge up the graveyard aswell.

If you can't even wipe them while standing on your own graveyard, your in trouble, bigtime.

The only way you can win now is hoping that you cán beat them 5v5.

What you do is split your group up and go to roof, group 1 will be defending, group 2 will be attacking.

Group 1 should consist of the FC, 2 healers and 2 dps who can slow/knockback/control enemy attackers well, like mages, balance druids, warlocks or dk's.

Group 2 should consist of 1 healer and the other 4 dps, and should be going for the EFC (if you let them into your base, their EFC will go back to their base which leaves him vulnerable).

From there on its your job to win the 2 fights, the best way of doing this is having the warrior stand on your roof and have the balance or resto druid regularly knock them down into your flag room, which causes them to have to waste time running back up again, which gives your offense team time to kill the EFC.

Alternatively, if you have a really good feral druid, you can try the kiting strategy, if you do this well you can keep running endless laps around your base and not get caught, remember to only do this with a good feral druid since he will LoS/range your healers aswell and if he gets caught while the healers arn't there he will die very quickly. Remember that after 4 stacks travelform doesn't give any speed boost anymore, so the only way you can kite is by being in bear. Make sure that if your attack team thinks they can kill the EFC soon, that your FC gets ready to jump off the roof/run into the flag room to prepare to cap.

Rinse and repeat this strategy for profit

 

If you are ahead 1 flag/capped last and its almost time, you can consider camping your roof, this is a pretty risky strategy but it can pay off very well.

Donot consider camping unless there is less then 10 minutes left when the flags are first picked up.

The way to camping is having your melee stand below the ramp, ranged stand up the ramp and FC stand near the edge of the roof, that way, if they want to reach your FC, they will have to go trough your entire team before reaching him.

 

Also make sure to utilize knockbacks on roof to the fullest extend, knocking 3 dps off while their rogue is bombing is priceless

 

 

3.2 Twin Peaks

 

My guide for twin peaks is essentially the same as Warsong Gulch, but I will give a few more pointers which are unique to TP but that is it.

In the start always try to get across the water asap or else donot fight near the water, not being able to run away because of the bridge LOS or because water slows you down sucks major balls, so just avoid the water alltogether.

If you can't get them to come into the water and basically have a stalemate, go over the water near the alliance graveyard and fight near the big rock there, alternatively you can make a demonic portal and port people over.

If you are getting pushed back, try moving towards your middle graveyard while having your tank stand inbetween you and the graveyard so you get quick resses.

If you really cannot hold it anymore consider going back into your base and up the ramp, especially with knock-back classes and good path blocking it is pretty easy to defend a tank there while your spriest/mage/lock try to kill the EFC.

If you have an elemental shaman and your alliance, try to knock the enemy flag carrier off the map while hes crossing the water near the alliance berserker buff hut, this is really a great strategy, as it gives you a huge chance to get a cap (considering the flag stays in limbo for quite some time before returning itself, which gives you alot of time to get on the flag spot).

Catching flag carriers in the water is a great strategy as horde, you can easily have your casters rip into him from up the ramp and he isn't going anywhere because damage removes his water walking. Water+Slow=not going anywhere.

If they all gather up in their base to turtle, just push trough them with freedom totem and rape the EFC asap.

 

For the strategy again its the same as WSG only instead of defending on roof you have to defend on ramp.

 

 

3.3 Arathi Basin

 

The following BG's are about defending/keeping bases in order to score, there are some classes that are inherently good at defending while others are medium at it at it. What you are looking for in a base defender is a. enough defensives to keep themselves alive against multiple enemy's while help comes and b. enough ways to prevent an enemy (team) from ccing him to stop the cap.

 

Good:

1. Hunter (alot of defensives aswell as good anti-cc cap because of pet and amazing 1v1 capability)

2. Rogue (alot of defensives and can pmuch chain-sap multiple people to prevent caps, aswell as amazing 1v1 capability)

3. Arms warrior (hard to kill and can zerker rage saps and fears and spell-reflect incomming cc aswell as bladestorm incomming cc)

 

Medium

1. Warlock (alot of defensives, but dies hard to any melee, aswell as cant do full damage due to having to have a pet out to prevent cc caps, also often needed in teamfights for his damage)

2. Mage (just as good of a defender as the ''Good'' category, but often needed in teamfights)

3. Balance druids (alot of defensives/heals but no anti-cc and medium 1v1 capabilitys, though good for defending LM because of knock-off, often needed in teamfights)

 

 

Anything besides the above are bad defenders and shouldn't be considered, especially healers

 

Arathi Basin is the hardest map to lead on, which is positive, considering you can win against teams much better then you by just outleading them.

What you need to do is keep your cool at all times and keep control of your group, people have the tendency to think that they know better on this BG and try and ninjacap bases/go on their own for some reason.

For this game you need to split up your group in 4 subgroups

G1=Arms warrior/feral druid & Hpala, the arms warrior will cap farm and move to BS to try and stall the enemy there

G2=Rogue, hunter or mage (if you have 2)=If you dont have a rogue or hunter or only 1 mage and they do have a rogue/hunter/2 mages, its not worth going for GM since you will lose it anyway, rather have that one extra dps up on LM.

G3=Rsham+Dpriest+4 DPS=LM, once (if) you get LM, they will slow fall down to BS and try to get that aswell

G4=Mage going to LM aswell to fight there and then defend.

 

In the start all groups will go to their assigned base, the BS group is just stalling the opposing group for as long as possible.

If your G3+4 succeed in doing this, have the mage stay LM, give everybody slowfall and have them jump down to BS to cap that aswell.

As soon as your dps land on BS, your warrior will go to the Farm/stables and defend that for the rest of the game.(arms should obv go sword+board)

G3+4 should then be able to cap BS, since all their DPS are still ressing at farm/stables, or even their starting place if the LM group was quick.

If they manage to get to BS before you can safely cap it, just wipe them again

If your G2 also manages to cap mine, you should now have 4 bases. Most groups however will send 1 dps to mine to help guy cap, this is okay, just have your defenderstall them as long as possible and then die. Like that they will have 1 less player on the BS which makes the fight easier there.

Once you have those 4 (most likely 3 unless its a really bad team) you should spread out your players, 1 healer on each base (if you have LM preferably you on LM, since you have a nice overview there) and all your DPS on blacksmith.

Nowadays it's almost impossible to win a full teamfight on a base that is controlled by another player, so most of their attacks wil be having most of their group go to 1 base and then having 2 sneak attack on another base.

Therefore, if they are attacking 1 base you should only send your 2 other healers there if all enemys have been located (except those defending their bases ofcourse)

The above was all assuming that the enemy doesn't wipe you and that you can get 3/4 bases in the start.

 

The hard part starts when you arn't able, for instance you get wiped on LM.

What you do then depends on how fast you get wiped, if you lasted long enough to ress on stables/farm it should be fine, you can easily get to BS before the enemy team caps it by slowfalling down from the LM.

Send your mage to help your GM attacker at GM if he hasn't capped that yet so you atleast get that base. Then have the frostmage stay there.

If you failed badly on LM and get a ress in your starting base, you may consider going LM instead, if they are all in the air slowfalling they are really slowed down from getting to LM, and if they only left 1 person there you can easily rape him and ninja the base.

This does however give you the LM-GM-Farm/ST base combination, which is really hard to defend.

If you fail on this aswell and the opponents take BS, you first and foremost need to keep your calm.

What you then do is move your entire group to the point inbetween the 3 bases they have (so for instance if they have LM-Farm-BS, move to the bridge between ST and farm.

There you should try and wipe anyone in your way, which should be easy since they usually have a couple of floaters. Once those are dead you need to see where they have least people defending, BS or LM/GM. Have your mage leave the GM/LM and have him go with another dps that can cc to open on the stables or the farm (whichever applicable) and then send your entire team to the base where they have the least players. Have your DK stand between the BS and that base to slow them down. Make sure you kill 1-2 of them before they are there in full force, once they are all there have 1 person disengage and send your mage from GM/LM to the Farm/Stables (whichever isn't yours) leaving LM undefended and then have him go with that 1 dps to cc cap that base

This should get you back to 3 bases and then just employ the defending strategy I mapped out earlier, even though the bases you are defending arn't fully optimal.

The key to winning this map is the opener and communication, people need to be constantly on the lookout for enemy movement patterns to see where they are going asap, keep an eye on the enemy team rogue and their other stealthers, every person assigned to solo defend a base should be able to keep that base alone for atleast 30 seconds if they use full cooldowns.

If you are doing a mass fight you should always be on the lookout for people who are trying to ninjacap, this is mainly the job of the person assigned to defend that base, so if he sees someone trying to ninja while hes cc'd, he should ofcourse call it out. The person best suited to keeping an eye on the flag is the DK and the destro lock(s), since howling blast/rain of fire allows them to instantly stop any capping attempt.

This BG is where the good people distinguish themselves from the average ones, keeping a base against 2 people helbend on either ripping you apart in a global or ninjaing that base from you is really an art.

If you have incommings here, make sure you say it, even if it is only one and you think you can handle it, as soon as its needed people should be coming over to wipe them.

 

 

Thats about it for AB, the key to winning this place is great internal communication combined with excelent strat knowledge and solo performance.

Good luck, this is the hardest BG to lead that there is.

 

 

3.4 Eye of the Storm

 

This is the worst BG you can get, it is a BG that is essentially decided in the first ~4 minutes of the game and from then on you have the choice to either play fun or turtle for the win. Having people who can knock back (especially combined with aoe grips) is really good here

 

Send a mage/hunter/rogue to one base and the arms warrior/feral druid to the other one (it doesn't really matter which one goes where), the arms warrior will probably stay on his base for the entire game picking his nose (fun gameplay, I know) while the mage should try to find out what class is on the tower opposite to him and occasionally try and ninjacap it (have him ask you for permission first though). You need to avoid having an arms warrior on the MT/BET because it is really easy for a mage to ninjacap from him there

 

In the start of the game have 8/10 of your team charge the middle.

 

If you fail to do this this can have potentially horrible consequences, because half your team is at half health when you reach the middle.

Once all are in the middle, start pushing them back knockbacks/pressure.

If they are pushed back far enough your ele shams/druids should knock them off to create even more pressure.

Try and wipe them asap as this fight is the most important one in the game.

Your DK should keep an eye on the flag with howling blast to avoid them from ninjacapping it, but if you already do good damage this should never happen

 

Once you start wiping them push them back and tell your healers to cap the flag.

The best person who can do this is a resto shaman or a resto druid because they can ghostwolf/travelform with the flag for less downtime.

Have him run to the arms war/ (or to the mage if you have a feral defending) and drop flag and then go back to the middle again, instruct your FC to only cap flags when you say it.

 

 

Just keep wiping them if they try and push one of your towers or your FC.

Your flag carrier is basically unkillable due to not getting debuffs for carrying the flag.

If you play it really gay you can just have 2 people on 1 base and the other 8 on the base they are currently attacking when you get the flag and wait with capping till 50 points left for an easy win

If you have a semi-decent team, you should never ever ever lose a base because of the graveyard being so close to each base (except maybe MT).

Then when the score hits 1550 (this will take a long time) have your FC cap the flag, good game, you just won in the most lamest way ever.

 

If the opponent has better pressure then you you are basically ****ed on this map, you can't really win unless they play badly.

Your best bet is to have 7/10 push into one base which isn't opposite to the one your mage is on and have your mage leave his base and go to the other base together with another dps who can use crowd control wel (a spriest, balance druid, rogue or warlock) then control the 1 defender and hope you can ninja it by ccing the defender before reinforcements arrive.

Another good trick you can use if you have a DK if you want to force them to cap is to Deathgrip the FC to the flagspot, this is quite hard however since most FC's won't get in LOS of the flagspot if they notice your trying to do this. If you do this make sure there is someone in the middle to pickup the flags.

 

If they have a hunter defending a base that pushes your warrior/feral, your in trouble, since a hunter can easily solocap against a warrior, if this happens you have 3 options, either switch your warrior/feral and mage around, so the mage is facing the hunter, this might be risky because they can cap your base if they time it right.

The second option is to continuously send a dps back to defend with your warrior when the hunter is comming, which kinda rapes you in the middle.

 

The third option is having a dps push through the enemy (balance druids with travel form/displacer or spriests with disperse work really well for this) and go to the base the hunter just left empty and try to cap it, most of the times you will fail but it should scare them enough to not try such **** again.

If they have a rogue he might try capping against your warrior aswell, since blind is now 1.5 minutes, so what he will do it go to the base, force your warrior's/feral trinket with his blind and back off only to come back and ninja it again when his blind is back up and your warrior's/feral trinket isn't, you need to make sure your war/feral sets a timer for this and asks for a backup during that 30 seconds when his trinket isn't back up and he is vulnerable to the rogues cc.

 

 

3.5 Battle of Gilneas

 

Battle of Gilneas is after TP/WSG my favorite battleground, before blizzard changed the spawnpoints it was really impossible to win after you were 1 base down because people could just spawn-rush you pretty hard making it impossible to take a base off the opponents. Luckily once they changed this it very possible to win this even after overcomming a wipe in the first fight

 

In this battleground it is the best to have your war/feral go arms/kitty and defend GM/LH and the rest of your group will go WW.

If you are horde, send your entire group except for your holy paladin around the back, the holy paladin should go front way, make sure your dk has waterwalking. As horde you have a pretty big disadvantage in this bg at ww, because your healers are stuck in a very tight place, making them very vulnerable to getting killed.

In this BG, it is basically healer rushdown, you focus their healers and they focus yours, the one who kills the opposing teams healers first wins.

I have had games where all 3 of both teams healers were dead after 30 seconds, leaving the dps to juke it out.

Ofcourse, it is still important to not overextend ridiculously hard and get killed of.

Make sure you wipe them before they wipe you, again your DK should be keeping an eye on the flag to avoid them ninjacapping it.

This fight can last for quite long, but even if you notice your getting wiped, keep going, you can still recover if you all die.

 

Once you control WW, send your hpal to the mines/LH with the arms war and have your mage/rdruid stay at WW.

The rest of your dps+resto shaman should be on the little ramp right next to the waterworks (in between mines and waterworks).

So if they choose to instead of going for a base go for the inbetween group, they can very easily go trough the backway to either mines or WW.

If they choose to engage the group standing there it is really important that you donot get caught, as this will certainly lead to your death.

Also never try to pick fights away from bases.

If they go for the WW and kill someone, he will spawn at the mines, if he has 10 second left and is considered a capable base defender (see the list I posted previously) your arms warrior can then move WW to prevent them from capping the base and thus to buy you some time, you do need to coordinate this properly though.

 

If they win the first fight over waterworks, you need to make sure that you donot panic, have everybody wait for their ress and buff up, you still have plenty of time.

Then move towards the big mountain in between LH and Mines.

See where their in-between group is and engage that one.

Most likely you will kill 1-2 of them and they will all push back into WW, this is excactly where you want them.

Have your DK(s) stand in between the WW and the LH to slow down any attempts from the enemy team to go LH and have your entire group push LH.

There should only be 2 people there which are easily wipable so you can cap that base.

If it does turn out to be a really long fight at LH you can still wipe them, considering you already killed 1-2 of them earlier.

If this strategy fails just rinse & repeat till you get it right, it does take some discipline from your group to not chase them to WW here.

 

Always make sure your defenders are communicating with you wether or not their bases are under attack this is again of key importance.

For defending against a rogue/hunter attacking LH/Mines, the same strategy(s) apply as on eots.

 

 

3.6 Silvershard Mines

 

This BG is fairly hard to lead and takes alot of coordination and people knowing what they are doing but since it's new its often easy to win since most teams don't know what to do properly on this one.

Also this BG is ridiculously biased towards horde, they are ALWAYS faster to both the lava and the mid cart then the alliance, so if you remain wipeless in the first teamfight, the horde get the lava cart guaranteed, unless the alliance can keep them out of the cart.

Also it is really easy for the horde to bottleneck them and get a great grip-beam combo on them.

The lava cart is the cart that caps fastest, almost twice as fast as the top cart, so since horde have a much easier time controlling it, they will get more points and have a much bigger chance of winning, huge oversight by blizz.

First of have your feral/warrior go arms/kitty if he has the proper gear for it.

 

First of abit on linguistics: it's important that people know what you mean when you call for a certain cart, so say beforehand to your team that:

Most left cart=top or water

Middle cart=middle

Right card=right or lava

Respawn place of carts=spawn

This might seem abit obvious but I can't tell how many times I have seen people go to the middle and fight there while the leader was calling the middle cart.

 

The place where the carts spawn is never the same, so as a leader you need to adjust your strategy based on if carts are able to be capped from the start, this will take some practise but isn't very hard.

In the start you start of by sending 1 person to the middle (horde) or top (alliance) (see my previous list of defenders) and having all other 9 people go for lava cart, since the locations of the carts can vary randomly in RBG, you need to estimate if you can still cap a cart before it auto caps, this is a proces of trial and error and will take some time before you get a feeling for it.

The goal of this BG is to always make sure you cap 2 carts while the enemy caps 1, preferably the top cart.

The way you do this is by continuously fighting them 9v9 on a specific cart, wiping power really doesn't matter here, controlling of the carts is what matters.

 

Always leave 1 person who can survive behind on a cart, this will tipically be your warrior/feral (even if he is arms/kitty).

What you need to do is always make sure you are inside the carts range (rsham freedom totem & hpala freedoms are really good here) while making sure that your enemys arn't, classes with knockbacks/aoe cc (shamans, (r/b)druids, mages, warlocks and arms warriors are really good here).

 

Try to get them splitted up on ress, dont kill their last few people untill the first people are (about to) ress.

The most important thing here is capping the carts, not controlling them, 1 cap gives 150 points, which is more then all the points combined you get from controlling a cart.

 

The shortest route from spawn-cap is the lava cart, so if possible make sure you get that one every time.

There are levers to make the cart go a different route, but they are fairly useless, I suggest never really using them.

You can try ninjacapping the enemy's cart only do this if the cart your trying to catch is like 3/4th along the way of being capped, this way you dont waste to much time if you fail and if you succeed its to late for the enemy to reinforce, but this is risky since it requires you to send 2 people away which you will not have later, also the 1 defender might be a very good player and be able to defend it by himself until it caps. So in general unless your really certain you can get it or are really desperate for that 1 cap, its probably not worth it.

There are switches that can alter tracks, but I almost never use them, since they are kinda pointless since its really hard to reach the switches if the cart is between spawn and the switches, because there is a big bottleneck on both sides.

 

Overall this is quite a hard BG to lead and it is very dependent on what the enemy does where you want to send your forces, just be careful and make sure people dont make silly mistakes and you should be fine.

 

 

3.7 Temple of Kotmogu

 

 

This BG is the most stressful cluster**** you will ever encounter, and is mostly about individual skill rather then group leadership.

Again in the start you need to make sure you agree on linguistics, you can either go for top/bottom right/left (seen from the world map) or with the orb colors, depending on what you prefer. We use the colors, which might take some practise but is easiest once everyone knows where which orb is (Orange=Top-Right, Purple=Top-Left, Green=Bot-Left and Blue is Bot-Right

From here on all hell breaks loose.

 

Make sure the first 2 orbs are picked up by ''proper'' carriers this includes:

Feral Druid

Mages

Locks

Spriests

Hunters

Moonkins with Warlock Symbiosis

Basically anything except for healers and melee.

 

In the start, you want all of your group to go to one side with the enemy team and have a big teamfight, if 1-2 die, 2 good 1v1 classes should split of and go around for the enemys FC's, ofcourse if you can grip them in thats amazing aswell, but very hard.

Try to always have your FC's together with the main group standing in the back and kite them along the lines, NEVER have them in the middle unless the enemy team is wiped, and then always have them stand on the bottom of the ramps so they can easily get out of the middle

 

Also have your ranged stand on ramps and ready to pickup orbs that will die

If your killing someone controlling an orb, call out what color is about to get avaible or where that color can be found, so people can go there to pick it up.

 

Similarly, if your dying call out where the orb you will drop will be respawning.

Now the point count is fairly interesting, the amount of points you get depends on where you are standing, you get 5 points/5 seconds when you are in the circle, 4 points every 5 seconds if you are in the ring around the circle and 3 points if you enter the grass. (there is a pretty big modifier if you controll all 4 orbs but you can come back from having that happen)

Also you get 10 points every time you kill an enemy orb holder.

 

What you want to do when you have the orbs is NEVER go into the middle, except when almost the entire enemy team is wiped, to score some quick points, but after that get out asap again, since you are very vulnerable to ganks in the middle.

If you have an orb you will just want to kite around the platforms while the rest of your team keeps them of you, just go round in circles while another part of the team goes for the enemy orb holders.

 

Generally you don't want to kill healers since they will be oom most of the game spamming heals into orb holders (they have less healing taken) so dont bother swapping on healers unless they are a free kill, just focus on orb holders.

Getting the kiting under control is the hardest thing about this battleground, if you can master that properly you have pretty much won the game.

 

Also don't be afraid to kite outside to the green if your about to get killed or most of your team is dead, it is a really good way to prevent the enemy team from getting all orbs and getting the +10 point bonus from killing you.

If you have good coordination you can also bop orbs of people (only way to reset stacks) and then quickly have someone else pick up the orb, you need to make sure for this that there is someone ready to get the new one, only do this if bad carrier classes have them or people have high stacks.

 

3.8 Deepwind Gorge

 

This ''new'' bg is basically a mix between Warsong Gulch and Battle of Gilneas.

Before the game starts, you want to divide your team up in 3 groups, depending on what 1v1 classes you have (hunter, mage,feral and rogue) and on how good you judge those players to be. If you think they can 1v1 an opposing hunter/mage/rogue and you have 1 of each, send 1 of them to each top/bottom base and the third with your main team to mid (more on that later), if not, send 2 of them to top and noone to bot, it is most important that you get at least top or bottom. If you are running with 4 healers send 1 healer and a dps to one base instead of 2 of your 1v1 classes.

 

Put the rest of your team (including your arms) to go to the middle base and fight to the death there. The fight in mid might last for quite a while, but as soon as the opposing team hits 150 resources, have your fc peel off and go for their cart, not before that, since otherwise you don't take the full 200 resources from the enemy team from picking up their cart. If you win the fight at mid, make sure you have at least top or bottom and then have 2 people defend, a healer and your tank go for their cart and the rest of the group being reactionary focussing on either protecting your cart carrier, killing enemy cart carrier, or protecting whichever base they are attacking.

Alternatively, you could leave 1 dps to harras/slow the enemy cart carrier so you can easily kill him when he picks up the cart, remember that if you return your cart, you will gain the 200 resources the enemy team stole from you back.

 

Even if you can't wipe them in fights, you can still win if you cap a lot of carts while preventing your enemy from doing so, so that is the best strategy if you can't win the mid teamfight. Alternatively, you could try ninjaing top/bot base with a stealth team (mage/rogue/feral/hunter/resto druid), 2 of those classes.

This bg is really big, so you will need to anticipate the moves the enemy team is making before they actually make them, otherwise you might be to late to do anything about their play. There is not much else to say about this battleground, just act smart, anticipate what the enemy is going to do and try to kill their cart carriers as much as you can while capping/keeping two bases.

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

 

Well thats about it for this guide guys, I hope you enjoyed it and learned something useful from it.

 

Please do not copy-paste this guide without giving me credit and linking back to this original guide.

 

If you disagree with anything written here please say so and maybe you can help me refine my strategy's

 

If any errors I might have made, please point them out.

 

If you have questions, feel free to ask them and ill get back to you as soon as I can

Edited July 19, 2014 by kamikrazy

[Frequencyz]

this is stupid, you guys are stupid.

[MikeWK]

Would you call me naughty things for a similar price?

[countpopeula]

this is stupid, you guys are stupid.

 

ts ; dr

[Tevzz]

This one is a few chars short of the limit.

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

Contents:

-

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

-

3. Strategy

3.1 Warsong Gulch

3.2 Twin Peaks

3.3 Arathi Basin

3.4 Eye of the Storm

3.5 Battle of Gilneas

3.6 Silvershard Mines

3.7 Temple of Kotmogu

3.8 Deepwind Gorge

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

Before I start, a warning; leading RBGs aren't easy, you need to have the ability to network, be patient and above all have the ability to make harsh calls, you can't go and bring people because you feel sorry for them and sometimes you will have to be a dick. Also, as a leader of bad pugs, you can easily get a bad reputation on a server because you just wasted somebody's rating, so be careful with whom you play.

 

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

3.1 Warsong Gulch

 

This battleground is the bread and butter of each team and has been around the longest in the wow history.

It is a simple capture the flag battleground and lasts 20 or untill someone has captured 3 flags.

Most competitive games will last the full 20 minutes, unless someone manages to capture 2 flags, in which case its GG 90% of the time.

In the start of the game you want 9 out of 10 people to leave the gates trough your graveyard.

The 10th will go trough the tunnel and pickup the speed buff, so that the enemy FC can't get it if he manages to push trough you (which will happen 90% of the time), this should also be the person picking up berserking, usually a warlock or balance druid.

 

You should have 9 people fairly close to each other and your FC on the right side of the map, so he can slip trough as soon as the fighting starts. DO NOT have your FC try and get the flag before the midfield fight has started because otherwise they might turn around and try to kill him, if they succeed they have a huge advantage and even if they fail they force you into a bad position (fighting close to their base, near their GY).

 

If they have a mage, rogue, hunter or sometimes even balance druid, chances are they will try to slow down your FC to prevent him from getting to the flag, anticipate this by having a player (your least important player in team fights) be mounted up until all of the aforementioned classes are either in combat or trying to engage the tank, if they try to engage the tank it's his job to cc them/slow them down so the tank can run past safely. Tanks in this case should never dismount unless absolutely necessary.

 

Of course if you are using a feral druid as FC, you shouldn't have to worry about it, since he should just be stealthing past them.

 

Personally I dont try to go for the enemy FC because im not using a hunter or rogue and am fairly confident in my groups ability to wipe the enemy team midfield. If you have a feral druid and they have a Warrior and you are winning the team fight, you can send 2-3 DPS to their Warrior to kill him before he gets close to his team.

 

90% of the time the fight will start when a DK gets a decent grip going and people connect on that target, if you do not have a DK, make sure you engage them first because if they grip you you are in a bad shape

 

While struggling in the mid try and wipe them one by one, follow your target callers orders and hope your team is good enough to wipe them.

- Try killing them and pushing them back to their graveyard.

- If you get close to their graveyard quickly, stop advancing and just keep them boxed in, make sure nobody escapes, that way, when their FC enters midfield, you can easily swap onto him and kill him.

 

By now, both FC's should have the flag and should be running back, if you are wiping them your FC should take the tunnel, if they are wiping you you should all disengage and meet up with your FC at the ramp to get him across the map safely.

 

If you see their FC come out of your tunnel and you are on their side call for a disengage of 2-3 people (preferably high-burst classes, like mages spriests and destro locks), everybody else should stay fighting and slowing down the enemy team while those people go for the EFC.

This will usually force 1-2 major cooldowns (last stand/shieldwall) out of their tank or even kill him allowing you to get an easy cap.

 

If this doesn't happen, have your FC stay behind the group, and have an Hpaladin keep an eye on him, if they want to swap onto your FC they should either use a grip (which can be countered by life-grip) or charge trough your full group, which leaves them and their healers exposed allowing for a quick wipe.

 

Once you start pushing them towards their graveyard, send your FC together with 1 hpaladin back to your base and start pushing for their FC.

Keep an eye on their spawntimers and try to kill some of them while the rest just spawned for an easy second wipe.

A good way to do this is have a stopwatch set to 45 seconds and push it every time they ress (if one of you addon people read this please help me and make this for me)

With 3 stacks up a Deathgrip-Stun-Smokebomb (if with rogue) should force major cooldowns/get you a kill.

If the EFC isn't standing at their GY but rather in their base, you need to wipe them one last time (should be easy since they will most likely have a healer with their FC) and then have 2-3 people go for the EFC, against heavy burst classes like lock/spriest/mage are ideal for this (though mages not so much after the recent frostbomb nerf).

 

If you don't have the group to wipe them and they are pushing you back, the only way to win is to fight on your graveyard, with your FC behind you or even on top of your graveyard (warriors can intervene up and (s)priests can grip healers up.

Keep in mind that they can be gripped down by DK's and that warriors/rogues can shadowstep/charge up the graveyard aswell.

If you can't even wipe them while standing on your own graveyard, your in trouble, bigtime.

The only way you can win now is hoping that you cán beat them 5v5.

What you do is split your group up and go to roof, group 1 will be defending, group 2 will be attacking.

Group 1 should consist of the FC, 2 healers and 2 dps who can slow/knockback/control enemy attackers well, like mages, balance druids, warlocks or dk's.

Group 2 should consist of 1 healer and the other 4 dps, and should be going for the EFC (if you let them into your base, their EFC will go back to their base which leaves him vulnerable).

From there on its your job to win the 2 fights, the best way of doing this is having the warrior stand on your roof and have the balance or resto druid regularly knock them down into your flag room, which causes them to have to waste time running back up again, which gives your offense team time to kill the EFC.

Alternatively, if you have a really good feral druid, you can try the kiting strategy, if you do this well you can keep running endless laps around your base and not get caught, remember to only do this with a good feral druid since he will LoS/range your healers aswell and if he gets caught while the healers arn't there he will die very quickly. Remember that after 4 stacks travelform doesn't give any speed boost anymore, so the only way you can kite is by being in bear. Make sure that if your attack team thinks they can kill the EFC soon, that your FC gets ready to jump off the roof/run into the flag room to prepare to cap.

Rinse and repeat this strategy for profit

 

If you are ahead 1 flag/capped last and its almost time, you can consider camping your roof, this is a pretty risky strategy but it can pay off very well.

Donot consider camping unless there is less then 10 minutes left when the flags are first picked up.

The way to camping is having your melee stand below the ramp, ranged stand up the ramp and FC stand near the edge of the roof, that way, if they want to reach your FC, they will have to go trough your entire team before reaching him.

 

Also make sure to utilize knockbacks on roof to the fullest extend, knocking 3 dps off while their rogue is bombing is priceless

 

 

3.2 Twin Peaks

 

My guide for twin peaks is essentially the same as Warsong Gulch, but I will give a few more pointers which are unique to TP but that is it.

In the start always try to get across the water asap or else donot fight near the water, not being able to run away because of the bridge LOS or because water slows you down sucks major balls, so just avoid the water alltogether.

If you can't get them to come into the water and basically have a stalemate, go over the water near the alliance graveyard and fight near the big rock there, alternatively you can make a demonic portal and port people over.

If you are getting pushed back, try moving towards your middle graveyard while having your tank stand inbetween you and the graveyard so you get quick resses.

If you really cannot hold it anymore consider going back into your base and up the ramp, especially with knock-back classes and good path blocking it is pretty easy to defend a tank there while your spriest/mage/lock try to kill the EFC.

If you have an elemental shaman and your alliance, try to knock the enemy flag carrier off the map while hes crossing the water near the alliance berserker buff hut, this is really a great strategy, as it gives you a huge chance to get a cap (considering the flag stays in limbo for quite some time before returning itself, which gives you alot of time to get on the flag spot).

Catching flag carriers in the water is a great strategy as horde, you can easily have your casters rip into him from up the ramp and he isn't going anywhere because damage removes his water walking. Water+Slow=not going anywhere.

If they all gather up in their base to turtle, just push trough them with freedom totem and rape the EFC asap.

 

For the strategy again its the same as WSG only instead of defending on roof you have to defend on ramp.

 

 

3.3 Arathi Basin

 

The following BG's are about defending/keeping bases in order to score, there are some classes that are inherently good at defending while others are medium at it at it. What you are looking for in a base defender is a. enough defensives to keep themselves alive against multiple enemy's while help comes and b. enough ways to prevent an enemy (team) from ccing him to stop the cap.

 

Good:

1. Hunter (alot of defensives aswell as good anti-cc cap because of pet and amazing 1v1 capability)

2. Rogue (alot of defensives and can pmuch chain-sap multiple people to prevent caps, aswell as amazing 1v1 capability)

3. Arms warrior (hard to kill and can zerker rage saps and fears and spell-reflect incomming cc aswell as bladestorm incomming cc)

 

Medium

1. Warlock (alot of defensives, but dies hard to any melee, aswell as cant do full damage due to having to have a pet out to prevent cc caps, also often needed in teamfights for his damage)

2. Mage (just as good of a defender as the ''Good'' category, but often needed in teamfights)

3. Balance druids (alot of defensives/heals but no anti-cc and medium 1v1 capabilitys, though good for defending LM because of knock-off, often needed in teamfights)

 

 

Anything besides the above are bad defenders and shouldn't be considered, especially healers

 

Arathi Basin is the hardest map to lead on, which is positive, considering you can win against teams much better then you by just outleading them.

What you need to do is keep your cool at all times and keep control of your group, people have the tendency to think that they know better on this BG and try and ninjacap bases/go on their own for some reason.

For this game you need to split up your group in 4 subgroups

G1=Arms warrior/feral druid & Hpala, the arms warrior will cap farm and move to BS to try and stall the enemy there

G2=Rogue, hunter or mage (if you have 2)=If you dont have a rogue or hunter or only 1 mage and they do have a rogue/hunter/2 mages, its not worth going for GM since you will lose it anyway, rather have that one extra dps up on LM.

G3=Rsham+Dpriest+4 DPS=LM, once (if) you get LM, they will slow fall down to BS and try to get that aswell

G4=Mage going to LM aswell to fight there and then defend.

 

In the start all groups will go to their assigned base, the BS group is just stalling the opposing group for as long as possible.

If your G3+4 succeed in doing this, have the mage stay LM, give everybody slowfall and have them jump down to BS to cap that aswell.

As soon as your dps land on BS, your warrior will go to the Farm/stables and defend that for the rest of the game.(arms should obv go sword+board)

G3+4 should then be able to cap BS, since all their DPS are still ressing at farm/stables, or even their starting place if the LM group was quick.

If they manage to get to BS before you can safely cap it, just wipe them again

If your G2 also manages to cap mine, you should now have 4 bases. Most groups however will send 1 dps to mine to help guy cap, this is okay, just have your defenderstall them as long as possible and then die. Like that they will have 1 less player on the BS which makes the fight easier there.

Once you have those 4 (most likely 3 unless its a really bad team) you should spread out your players, 1 healer on each base (if you have LM preferably you on LM, since you have a nice overview there) and all your DPS on blacksmith.

Nowadays it's almost impossible to win a full teamfight on a base that is controlled by another player, so most of their attacks wil be having most of their group go to 1 base and then having 2 sneak attack on another base.

Therefore, if they are attacking 1 base you should only send your 2 other healers there if all enemys have been located (except those defending their bases ofcourse)

The above was all assuming that the enemy doesn't wipe you and that you can get 3/4 bases in the start.

 

The hard part starts when you arn't able, for instance you get wiped on LM.

What you do then depends on how fast you get wiped, if you lasted long enough to ress on stables/farm it should be fine, you can easily get to BS before the enemy team caps it by slowfalling down from the LM.

Send your mage to help your GM attacker at GM if he hasn't capped that yet so you atleast get that base. Then have the frostmage stay there.

If you failed badly on LM and get a ress in your starting base, you may consider going LM instead, if they are all in the air slowfalling they are really slowed down from getting to LM, and if they only left 1 person there you can easily rape him and ninja the base.

This does however give you the LM-GM-Farm/ST base combination, which is really hard to defend.

If you fail on this aswell and the opponents take BS, you first and foremost need to keep your calm.

What you then do is move your entire group to the point inbetween the 3 bases they have (so for instance if they have LM-Farm-BS, move to the bridge between ST and farm.

There you should try and wipe anyone in your way, which should be easy since they usually have a couple of floaters. Once those are dead you need to see where they have least people defending, BS or LM/GM. Have your mage leave the GM/LM and have him go with another dps that can cc to open on the stables or the farm (whichever applicable) and then send your entire team to the base where they have the least players. Have your DK stand between the BS and that base to slow them down. Make sure you kill 1-2 of them before they are there in full force, once they are all there have 1 person disengage and send your mage from GM/LM to the Farm/Stables (whichever isn't yours) leaving LM undefended and then have him go with that 1 dps to cc cap that base

This should get you back to 3 bases and then just employ the defending strategy I mapped out earlier, even though the bases you are defending arn't fully optimal.

The key to winning this map is the opener and communication, people need to be constantly on the lookout for enemy movement patterns to see where they are going asap, keep an eye on the enemy team rogue and their other stealthers, every person assigned to solo defend a base should be able to keep that base alone for atleast 30 seconds if they use full cooldowns.

If you are doing a mass fight you should always be on the lookout for people who are trying to ninjacap, this is mainly the job of the person assigned to defend that base, so if he sees someone trying to ninja while hes cc'd, he should ofcourse call it out. The person best suited to keeping an eye on the flag is the DK and the destro lock(s), since howling blast/rain of fire allows them to instantly stop any capping attempt.

This BG is where the good people distinguish themselves from the average ones, keeping a base against 2 people helbend on either ripping you apart in a global or ninjaing that base from you is really an art.

If you have incommings here, make sure you say it, even if it is only one and you think you can handle it, as soon as its needed people should be coming over to wipe them.

 

 

Thats about it for AB, the key to winning this place is great internal communication combined with excelent strat knowledge and solo performance.

Good luck, this is the hardest BG to lead that there is.

 

 

3.4 Eye of the Storm

 

This is the worst BG you can get, it is a BG that is essentially decided in the first ~4 minutes of the game and from then on you have the choice to either play fun or turtle for the win. Having people who can knock back (especially combined with aoe grips) is really good here

 

Send a mage/hunter/rogue to one base and the arms warrior/feral druid to the other one (it doesn't really matter which one goes where), the arms warrior will probably stay on his base for the entire game picking his nose (fun gameplay, I know) while the mage should try to find out what class is on the tower opposite to him and occasionally try and ninjacap it (have him ask you for permission first though). You need to avoid having an arms warrior on the MT/BET because it is really easy for a mage to ninjacap from him there

 

In the start of the game have 8/10 of your team charge the middle.

 

If you fail to do this this can have potentially horrible consequences, because half your team is at half health when you reach the middle.

Once all are in the middle, start pushing them back knockbacks/pressure.

If they are pushed back far enough your ele shams/druids should knock them off to create even more pressure.

Try and wipe them asap as this fight is the most important one in the game.

Your DK should keep an eye on the flag with howling blast to avoid them from ninjacapping it, but if you already do good damage this should never happen

 

Once you start wiping them push them back and tell your healers to cap the flag.

The best person who can do this is a resto shaman or a resto druid because they can ghostwolf/travelform with the flag for less downtime.

Have him run to the arms war/ (or to the mage if you have a feral defending) and drop flag and then go back to the middle again, instruct your FC to only cap flags when you say it.

 

 

Just keep wiping them if they try and push one of your towers or your FC.

Your flag carrier is basically unkillable due to not getting debuffs for carrying the flag.

If you play it really gay you can just have 2 people on 1 base and the other 8 on the base they are currently attacking when you get the flag and wait with capping till 50 points left for an easy win

If you have a semi-decent team, you should never ever ever lose a base because of the graveyard being so close to each base (except maybe MT).

Then when the score hits 1550 (this will take a long time) have your FC cap the flag, good game, you just won in the most lamest way ever.

 

If the opponent has better pressure then you you are basically ****ed on this map, you can't really win unless they play badly.

Your best bet is to have 7/10 push into one base which isn't opposite to the one your mage is on and have your mage leave his base and go to the other base together with another dps who can use crowd control wel (a spriest, balance druid, rogue or warlock) then control the 1 defender and hope you can ninja it by ccing the defender before reinforcements arrive.

Another good trick you can use if you have a DK if you want to force them to cap is to Deathgrip the FC to the flagspot, this is quite hard however since most FC's won't get in LOS of the flagspot if they notice your trying to do this. If you do this make sure there is someone in the middle to pickup the flags.

 

If they have a hunter defending a base that pushes your warrior/feral, your in trouble, since a hunter can easily solocap against a warrior, if this happens you have 3 options, either switch your warrior/feral and mage around, so the mage is facing the hunter, this might be risky because they can cap your base if they time it right.

The second option is to continuously send a dps back to defend with your warrior when the hunter is comming, which kinda rapes you in the middle.

 

The third option is having a dps push through the enemy (balance druids with travel form/displacer or spriests with disperse work really well for this) and go to the base the hunter just left empty and try to cap it, most of the times you will fail but it should scare them enough to not try such **** again.

If they have a rogue he might try capping against your warrior aswell, since blind is now 1.5 minutes, so what he will do it go to the base, force your warrior's/feral trinket with his blind and back off only to come back and ninja it again when his blind is back up and your warrior's/feral trinket isn't, you need to make sure your war/feral sets a timer for this and asks for a backup during that 30 seconds when his trinket isn't back up and he is vulnerable to the rogues cc.

 

 

3.5 Battle of Gilneas

 

Battle of Gilneas is after TP/WSG my favorite battleground, before blizzard changed the spawnpoints it was really impossible to win after you were 1 base down because people could just spawn-rush you pretty hard making it impossible to take a base off the opponents. Luckily once they changed this it very possible to win this even after overcomming a wipe in the first fight

 

In this battleground it is the best to have your war/feral go arms/kitty and defend GM/LH and the rest of your group will go WW.

If you are horde, send your entire group except for your holy paladin around the back, the holy paladin should go front way, make sure your dk has waterwalking. As horde you have a pretty big disadvantage in this bg at ww, because your healers are stuck in a very tight place, making them very vulnerable to getting killed.

In this BG, it is basically healer rushdown, you focus their healers and they focus yours, the one who kills the opposing teams healers first wins.

I have had games where all 3 of both teams healers were dead after 30 seconds, leaving the dps to juke it out.

Ofcourse, it is still important to not overextend ridiculously hard and get killed of.

Make sure you wipe them before they wipe you, again your DK should be keeping an eye on the flag to avoid them ninjacapping it.

This fight can last for quite long, but even if you notice your getting wiped, keep going, you can still recover if you all die.

 

Once you control WW, send your hpal to the mines/LH with the arms war and have your mage/rdruid stay at WW.

The rest of your dps+resto shaman should be on the little ramp right next to the waterworks (in between mines and waterworks).

So if they choose to instead of going for a base go for the inbetween group, they can very easily go trough the backway to either mines or WW.

If they choose to engage the group standing there it is really important that you donot get caught, as this will certainly lead to your death.

Also never try to pick fights away from bases.

If they go for the WW and kill someone, he will spawn at the mines, if he has 10 second left and is considered a capable base defender (see the list I posted previously) your arms warrior can then move WW to prevent them from capping the base and thus to buy you some time, you do need to coordinate this properly though.

 

If they win the first fight over waterworks, you need to make sure that you donot panic, have everybody wait for their ress and buff up, you still have plenty of time.

Then move towards the big mountain in between LH and Mines.

See where their in-between group is and engage that one.

Most likely you will kill 1-2 of them and they will all push back into WW, this is excactly where you want them.

Have your DK(s) stand in between the WW and the LH to slow down any attempts from the enemy team to go LH and have your entire group push LH.

There should only be 2 people there which are easily wipable so you can cap that base.

If it does turn out to be a really long fight at LH you can still wipe them, considering you already killed 1-2 of them earlier.

If this strategy fails just rinse & repeat till you get it right, it does take some discipline from your group to not chase them to WW here.

 

Always make sure your defenders are communicating with you wether or not their bases are under attack this is again of key importance.

For defending against a rogue/hunter attacking LH/Mines, the same strategy(s) apply as on eots.

 

 

3.6 Silvershard Mines

 

This BG is fairly hard to lead and takes alot of coordination and people knowing what they are doing but since it's new its often easy to win since most teams don't know what to do properly on this one.

Also this BG is ridiculously biased towards horde, they are ALWAYS faster to both the lava and the mid cart then the alliance, so if you remain wipeless in the first teamfight, the horde get the lava cart guaranteed, unless the alliance can keep them out of the cart.

Also it is really easy for the horde to bottleneck them and get a great grip-beam combo on them.

The lava cart is the cart that caps fastest, almost twice as fast as the top cart, so since horde have a much easier time controlling it, they will get more points and have a much bigger chance of winning, huge oversight by blizz.

First of have your feral/warrior go arms/kitty if he has the proper gear for it.

 

First of abit on linguistics: it's important that people know what you mean when you call for a certain cart, so say beforehand to your team that:

Most left cart=top or water

Middle cart=middle

Right card=right or lava

Respawn place of carts=spawn

This might seem abit obvious but I can't tell how many times I have seen people go to the middle and fight there while the leader was calling the middle cart.

 

The place where the carts spawn is never the same, so as a leader you need to adjust your strategy based on if carts are able to be capped from the start, this will take some practise but isn't very hard.

In the start you start of by sending 1 person to the middle (horde) or top (alliance) (see my previous list of defenders) and having all other 9 people go for lava cart, since the locations of the carts can vary randomly in RBG, you need to estimate if you can still cap a cart before it auto caps, this is a proces of trial and error and will take some time before you get a feeling for it.

The goal of this BG is to always make sure you cap 2 carts while the enemy caps 1, preferably the top cart.

The way you do this is by continuously fighting them 9v9 on a specific cart, wiping power really doesn't matter here, controlling of the carts is what matters.

 

Always leave 1 person who can survive behind on a cart, this will tipically be your warrior/feral (even if he is arms/kitty).

What you need to do is always make sure you are inside the carts range (rsham freedom totem & hpala freedoms are really good here) while making sure that your enemys arn't, classes with knockbacks/aoe cc (shamans, (r/b)druids, mages, warlocks and arms warriors are really good here).

 

Try to get them splitted up on ress, dont kill their last few people untill the first people are (about to) ress.

The most important thing here is capping the carts, not controlling them, 1 cap gives 150 points, which is more then all the points combined you get from controlling a cart.

 

The shortest route from spawn-cap is the lava cart, so if possible make sure you get that one every time.

There are levers to make the cart go a different route, but they are fairly useless, I suggest never really using them.

You can try ninjacapping the enemy's cart only do this if the cart your trying to catch is like 3/4th along the way of being capped, this way you dont waste to much time if you fail and if you succeed its to late for the enemy to reinforce, but this is risky since it requires you to send 2 people away which you will not have later, also the 1 defender might be a very good player and be able to defend it by himself until it caps. So in general unless your really certain you can get it or are really desperate for that 1 cap, its probably not worth it.

There are switches that can alter tracks, but I almost never use them, since they are kinda pointless since its really hard to reach the switches if the cart is between spawn and the switches, because there is a big bottleneck on both sides.

 

Overall this is quite a hard BG to lead and it is very dependent on what the enemy does where you want to send your forces, just be careful and make sure people dont make silly mistakes and you should be fine.

 

 

3.7 Temple of Kotmogu

 

 

This BG is the most stressful cluster**** you will ever encounter, and is mostly about individual skill rather then group leadership.

Again in the start you need to make sure you agree on linguistics, you can either go for top/bottom right/left (seen from the world map) or with the orb colors, depending on what you prefer. We use the colors, which might take some practise but is easiest once everyone knows where which orb is (Orange=Top-Right, Purple=Top-Left, Green=Bot-Left and Blue is Bot-Right

From here on all hell breaks loose.

 

Make sure the first 2 orbs are picked up by ''proper'' carriers this includes:

Feral Druid

Mages

Locks

Spriests

Hunters

Moonkins with Warlock Symbiosis

Basically anything except for healers and melee.

 

In the start, you want all of your group to go to one side with the enemy team and have a big teamfight, if 1-2 die, 2 good 1v1 classes should split of and go around for the enemys FC's, ofcourse if you can grip them in thats amazing aswell, but very hard.

Try to always have your FC's together with the main group standing in the back and kite them along the lines, NEVER have them in the middle unless the enemy team is wiped, and then always have them stand on the bottom of the ramps so they can easily get out of the middle

 

Also have your ranged stand on ramps and ready to pickup orbs that will die

If your killing someone controlling an orb, call out what color is about to get avaible or where that color can be found, so people can go there to pick it up.

 

Similarly, if your dying call out where the orb you will drop will be respawning.

Now the point count is fairly interesting, the amount of points you get depends on where you are standing, you get 5 points/5 seconds when you are in the circle, 4 points every 5 seconds if you are in the ring around the circle and 3 points if you enter the grass. (there is a pretty big modifier if you controll all 4 orbs but you can come back from having that happen)

Also you get 10 points every time you kill an enemy orb holder.

 

What you want to do when you have the orbs is NEVER go into the middle, except when almost the entire enemy team is wiped, to score some quick points, but after that get out asap again, since you are very vulnerable to ganks in the middle.

If you have an orb you will just want to kite around the platforms while the rest of your team keeps them of you, just go round in circles while another part of the team goes for the enemy orb holders.

 

Generally you don't want to kill healers since they will be oom most of the game spamming heals into orb holders (they have less healing taken) so dont bother swapping on healers unless they are a free kill, just focus on orb holders.

Getting the kiting under control is the hardest thing about this battleground, if you can master that properly you have pretty much won the game.

 

Also don't be afraid to kite outside to the green if your about to get killed or most of your team is dead, it is a really good way to prevent the enemy team from getting all orbs and getting the +10 point bonus from killing you.

If you have good coordination you can also bop orbs of people (only way to reset stacks) and then quickly have someone else pick up the orb, you need to make sure for this that there is someone ready to get the new one, only do this if bad carrier classes have them or people have high stacks.

 

3.8 Deepwind Gorge

 

This ''new'' bg is basically a mix between Warsong Gulch and Battle of Gilneas.

Before the game starts, you want to divide your team up in 3 groups, depending on what 1v1 classes you have (hunter, mage,feral and rogue) and on how good you judge those players to be. If you think they can 1v1 an opposing hunter/mage/rogue and you have 1 of each, send 1 of them to each top/bottom base and the third with your main team to mid (more on that later), if not, send 2 of them to top and noone to bot, it is most important that you get at least top or bottom. If you are running with 4 healers send 1 healer and a dps to one base instead of 2 of your 1v1 classes.

 

Put the rest of your team (including your arms) to go to the middle base and fight to the death there. The fight in mid might last for quite a while, but as soon as the opposing team hits 150 resources, have your fc peel off and go for their cart, not before that, since otherwise you don't take the full 200 resources from the enemy team from picking up their cart. If you win the fight at mid, make sure you have at least top or bottom and then have 2 people defend, a healer and your tank go for their cart and the rest of the group being reactionary focussing on either protecting your cart carrier, killing enemy cart carrier, or protecting whichever base they are attacking.

Alternatively, you could leave 1 dps to harras/slow the enemy cart carrier so you can easily kill him when he picks up the cart, remember that if you return your cart, you will gain the 200 resources the enemy team stole from you back.

 

Even if you can't wipe them in fights, you can still win if you cap a lot of carts while preventing your enemy from doing so, so that is the best strategy if you can't win the mid teamfight. Alternatively, you could try ninjaing top/bot base with a stealth team (mage/rogue/feral/hunter/resto druid), 2 of those classes.

This bg is really big, so you will need to anticipate the moves the enemy team is making before they actually make them, otherwise you might be to late to do anything about their play. There is not much else to say about this battleground, just act smart, anticipate what the enemy is going to do and try to kill their cart carriers as much as you can while capping/keeping two bases.

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

 

Well thats about it for this guide guys, I hope you enjoyed it and learned something useful from it.

 

Please do not copy-paste this guide without giving me credit and linking back to this original guide.

 

If you disagree with anything written here please say so and maybe you can help me refine my strategy's

 

If any errors I might have made, please point them out.

 

If you have questions, feel free to ask them and ill get back to you as soon as I can

 

Awsme!CharLmtReached.

[OMGitsCHARLIE]

This one is a few chars short of the limit.

 

~ A full guide to RBG Leading (and playing) ~

 

Contents:

-

2.1 The Setup

2.2 The Target Caller

2.3 Recruiting the right people

2.3 a. Guild

2.3 b. Trade

2.3 c. Skype

-

3. Strategy

3.1 Warsong Gulch

3.2 Twin Peaks

3.3 Arathi Basin

3.4 Eye of the Storm

3.5 Battle of Gilneas

3.6 Silvershard Mines

3.7 Temple of Kotmogu

3.8 Deepwind Gorge

-

4. Addons

-

5. Tips

 

 

This is a Full Guide on How to be Successful in Rated Battlegrounds.

 

Before I start, a warning; leading RBGs aren't easy, you need to have the ability to network, be patient and above all have the ability to make harsh calls, you can't go and bring people because you feel sorry for them and sometimes you will have to be a dick. Also, as a leader of bad pugs, you can easily get a bad reputation on a server because you just wasted somebody's rating, so be careful with whom you play.

 

 

 

2.1 The Setup

 

Before I start on setup, the following: In RBG, setup isn't as important as in arena, if you are playing low-middle of the pack RBG, it is better to play with people who are good/consistent/can listen then trying to replace people and getting the ultimate setup together, synergy in RBG (especially between healers and FC and between rogue/hunter/mage) is very important.

 

The current most popular RBG setup is the following:

Flag Carrier - Arms Warrior/Feral Druid (Ferals are significantly better then arms warriors as FC. However with the recent feral nerfs, they arn't as good in non-FC maps anymore, so having an arms warrior is equally good as a feral druid. Due to ferals higher skillcap, it is hard to play one extremely well in RBGs, and bad ferals can easily cost you games (more so than bad arms warriors). A good feral is much better than a good Warrior, but a bad Warrior is better than a bad Feral. (If you are low rating, Arms Warrior is the safe choice). With the recent changes that give non-fc tanks +20% damage taken and fc tanks +50% damage taken, we have found out that on every battleground, having a feral fc is better then a guardian FC and having an arms warrior FC is better then a protection warrior.

Healer - Holy Paladin

Healer - Resto Druid/Mistweaver Monk (With the new changes and the introduction of ring of peace, a Monk is now significantly better to get. However, good Monks are very rare, so most of the time you will have to do with a rdruid)

Healer - Resto Shaman/Holy Priest

Again, for healers you can make a mix/match of almost any combination of healers, however I believe Holy paladins to be fairly mandatory and having double of any healer is generally considered bad. However, if you can get 2 really good resto shamans, it is definitely worth getting them. Alternatively, if you have access to a lot of good healers but no dps, you can run with 4 healers, again mix and match to your preference.

DPS - Unholy Deathknight

DPS - Frost Mage

DPS - Affliction Warlock

 

This is the core of any good RBG group, for the 3 remaining spots, you can pick a mix of the following classes/specs.

 

DPS - Shadow Priest

DPS - 2nd Affliction Warlock

DPS - 2nd DK/Arms warrior

DPS - Rogue

DPS - Balance Druid

DPS - Hunter (though I am personally not a big favorite of playing with them)

DPS - Elemental shaman

 

My personal favorite setup would be to take a balance druid, rogue and another afflction warlock, however this depends on what you have, if you know this amazing ret paladin, feel free to take him along, just know that its not optimal.

 

Before people start jumping on my back saying ''I got 2.9 with xx setup where we did yy completely different, I understand, good players can get high no matter what setup, I am just saying that this setup is the most commonly used, and in my opinion, the best.

 

 

2.2 Target Caller

 

You will also need, on top of having a leader (which is yourself), a target caller.

 

If you are a DPS and are leading the BG, you can (somewhat easily) do it yourself, however if you are, like me, a healer, you will need to make sure you also have somebody who can call kill targets. While you can do it yourself as dps, it can often get very stressful for you to do it while leading and damaging yourself, so my recommendation would be to find someone else to do it.

 

You need to make sure that your target caller is a vocal person and isn't afraid to speak on skype/other voice com programs. If you don't have a target caller, everything will go wrong and people will be dpsing all over the place, so avoid this at all costs. Another user on this website made a very decent post about target calling, http://www.mmo-champion.com/threads/...0#post19284380 for this I claim no credit but I will copy some of what he wrote here.

 

While it is always good to have backup target callers (dps who might be able to see things the ''official'' target caller does not) you need to be 100% positive that people know who the real target caller is, if someone else calls a target people should ONLY switch when the main target caller confirms the target, not any time else.

 

Recommended Target Callers

1. Death Knight - Death Grip, makes them the best target caller along with other abilities such as improved chains and silences.

2. Rogue - While not as good as a DK a good rogue can def land a kill if he calls targets in unison with a well timed smoke bomb. The problem with Rogue target callers is that for a lot of the team fights they won't be there (Ninja capping flags, harassing flag carrier etc).

3. Destro Lock - While not as good as the above, warlocks can call good targets since they will be in most team fights and most of their damage is burst, however the disadvantage of taking a warlock when there are melee in your group is that an inexperienced warlock will sometimes call targets outside of the range of your melee.

 

What not to do..

- Do not tunnel a target

- Do not go on the enemy flag carrier if he has no stacks & the whole raid there peeling for him

- Don't be shy

 

What to do!

- Switch Often, just because you called the rsham 10 seconds ago do not be scared to call for a hard switch.

- Speak up, you have to be louder then everyone else. Your voice has to be commanding.

- Enable, "Target Count" in your Battlegroundtargets add-on. This will allow you to see how many targets are assisting your target.

- Call for CC, on healers when you are going to burst

- Give countdowns, for example. Say: 5 seconds till AOE grip (via gorefiends grasp). The most important thing here is that you need to check for your teammates cooldowns, if you can line up an AOE grip with a ring of frost and Solar beam, you can wipe the enemy team in seconds, getting this properly coordinated is fairly hard though, and will cause you alot of stress in trying to set up, even on high level, but it is definately worth it.

- Grip overextended targets even further away, and call the kill for them.

 

 

2.3 Recruiting the right people

 

I use 4 general ways to find people for my RBG groups:

 

 

a. Guild

 

I am personally in an RBG guild with 300 people including alts, of those 300 people there are about 40 that I would want to join my group.

If you take guildies, be careful and only take the ones you actually know (or have good references from), your guild policies might not be as strict as your groups policies.

 

 

b. Trade

 

Make a macro and spam your heart out.

A macro should have the following components

1. Your doing RBG

2. Which classes you need

3. What communication system you will use

4. What the requirements are

5. What the expected MMR will be

 

A macro for my groups usually looks like this

/2 LFM <Insert needed class/needed other class> for RBG, requires 2400 arena or 2400 RBG or 2200 Current RBG, be around ~2200 MMR, using skype

This should be enough to tell people what you need and deter people who don't fit your requirements.

 

A good rule of the thumb is that if your looking to start a group with a certain approximate MMR, you should ask experience in arena or RBG 200 above that or require somebody's current RBG rating to be at that level.

You can also use armory to gouge a low-current rated persons MMR, mostly by judging his W-L ratio, the higher that is, the higher his MMR will most likely be.

For the rest your pretty much at the mercy of your experience with people and of the rating they tell you they have.

 

Another hidden requirement to join should be gear, every player that you don't know should be armory checked to see if he has proper gear (just look for people that have similar to your own gear) and has gemmed/enchanted it, this shows he is atleast dedicated and knows what hes doing.

 

 

c. Skype conversations

 

I always use skype as my communication tool during RBG, so I have a huge record of skype calls with alot of people in it which I know are decent (I have played with them before)

So if I am trying to make a new group, I always copy-paste my trade macro into the different skype convos to see if I can recruit people there, this is how I get most of my participants.

 

 

2.4 Preparing to queue

 

Alright, you have your full group of people ready to go and are good to queue, there are a few things you need to do first.

1. Assign roles

2. Give tanks/Healers a mark

3. Make sure everyone is on skype with you

4. Do one more final check of people your not sure off

5. Perform a ready check to see if all here

6. Queue

 

 

 

3. Strategy

The biggest thing about strategy is making sure you know where the opposing team is and where your team are.

You need players who can listen and understand what you are saying and know how to follow orders.

Having a vocal team is great, they can help you in making strats and observing little things that you didn't notice, however at the end of the day, your making the executive calls, so you need to be able to tell people to shut it and listen if they are trying to lead themselves.

For the individual battlegrounds I am going to assume you already know the basics mechanics on what to do and i'm not going to explain how the work, im only going to explain what you need to do as a team to win in RBG

 

 

3.1 Warsong Gulch

 

This battleground is the bread and butter of each team and has been around the longest in the wow history.

It is a simple capture the flag battleground and lasts 20 or untill someone has captured 3 flags.

Most competitive games will last the full 20 minutes, unless someone manages to capture 2 flags, in which case its GG 90% of the time.

In the start of the game you want 9 out of 10 people to leave the gates trough your graveyard.

The 10th will go trough the tunnel and pickup the speed buff, so that the enemy FC can't get it if he manages to push trough you (which will happen 90% of the time), this should also be the person picking up berserking, usually a warlock or balance druid.

 

You should have 9 people fairly close to each other and your FC on the right side of the map, so he can slip trough as soon as the fighting starts. DO NOT have your FC try and get the flag before the midfield fight has started because otherwise they might turn around and try to kill him, if they succeed they have a huge advantage and even if they fail they force you into a bad position (fighting close to their base, near their GY).

 

If they have a mage, rogue, hunter or sometimes even balance druid, chances are they will try to slow down your FC to prevent him from getting to the flag, anticipate this by having a player (your least important player in team fights) be mounted up until all of the aforementioned classes are either in combat or trying to engage the tank, if they try to engage the tank it's his job to cc them/slow them down so the tank can run past safely. Tanks in this case should never dismount unless absolutely necessary.

 

Of course if you are using a feral druid as FC, you shouldn't have to worry about it, since he should just be stealthing past them.

 

Personally I dont try to go for the enemy FC because im not using a hunter or rogue and am fairly confident in my groups ability to wipe the enemy team midfield. If you have a feral druid and they have a Warrior and you are winning the team fight, you can send 2-3 DPS to their Warrior to kill him before he gets close to his team.

 

90% of the time the fight will start when a DK gets a decent grip going and people connect on that target, if you do not have a DK, make sure you engage them first because if they grip you you are in a bad shape

 

While struggling in the mid try and wipe them one by one, follow your target callers orders and hope your team is good enough to wipe them.

- Try killing them and pushing them back to their graveyard.

- If you get close to their graveyard quickly, stop advancing and just keep them boxed in, make sure nobody escapes, that way, when their FC enters midfield, you can easily swap onto him and kill him.

 

By now, both FC's should have the flag and should be running back, if you are wiping them your FC should take the tunnel, if they are wiping you you should all disengage and meet up with your FC at the ramp to get him across the map safely.

 

If you see their FC come out of your tunnel and you are on their side call for a disengage of 2-3 people (preferably high-burst classes, like mages spriests and destro locks), everybody else should stay fighting and slowing down the enemy team while those people go for the EFC.

This will usually force 1-2 major cooldowns (last stand/shieldwall) out of their tank or even kill him allowing you to get an easy cap.

 

If this doesn't happen, have your FC stay behind the group, and have an Hpaladin keep an eye on him, if they want to swap onto your FC they should either use a grip (which can be countered by life-grip) or charge trough your full group, which leaves them and their healers exposed allowing for a quick wipe.

 

Once you start pushing them towards their graveyard, send your FC together with 1 hpaladin back to your base and start pushing for their FC.

Keep an eye on their spawntimers and try to kill some of them while the rest just spawned for an easy second wipe.

A good way to do this is have a stopwatch set to 45 seconds and push it every time they ress (if one of you addon people read this please help me and make this for me)

With 3 stacks up a Deathgrip-Stun-Smokebomb (if with rogue) should force major cooldowns/get you a kill.

If the EFC isn't standing at their GY but rather in their base, you need to wipe them one last time (should be easy since they will most likely have a healer with their FC) and then have 2-3 people go for the EFC, against heavy burst classes like lock/spriest/mage are ideal for this (though mages not so much after the recent frostbomb nerf).

 

If you don't have the group to wipe them and they are pushing you back, the only way to win is to fight on your graveyard, with your FC behind you or even on top of your graveyard (warriors can intervene up and (s)priests can grip healers up.

Keep in mind that they can be gripped down by DK's and that warriors/rogues can shadowstep/charge up the graveyard aswell.

If you can't even wipe them while standing on your own graveyard, your in trouble, bigtime.

The only way you can win now is hoping that you cán beat them 5v5.

What you do is split your group up and go to roof, group 1 will be defending, group 2 will be attacking.

Group 1 should consist of the FC, 2 healers and 2 dps who can slow/knockback/control enemy attackers well, like mages, balance druids, warlocks or dk's.

Group 2 should consist of 1 healer and the other 4 dps, and should be going for the EFC (if you let them into your base, their EFC will go back to their base which leaves him vulnerable).

From there on its your job to win the 2 fights, the best way of doing this is having the warrior stand on your roof and have the balance or resto druid regularly knock them down into your flag room, which causes them to have to waste time running back up again, which gives your offense team time to kill the EFC.

Alternatively, if you have a really good feral druid, you can try the kiting strategy, if you do this well you can keep running endless laps around your base and not get caught, remember to only do this with a good feral druid since he will LoS/range your healers aswell and if he gets caught while the healers arn't there he will die very quickly. Remember that after 4 stacks travelform doesn't give any speed boost anymore, so the only way you can kite is by being in bear. Make sure that if your attack team thinks they can kill the EFC soon, that your FC gets ready to jump off the roof/run into the flag room to prepare to cap.

Rinse and repeat this strategy for profit

 

If you are ahead 1 flag/capped last and its almost time, you can consider camping your roof, this is a pretty risky strategy but it can pay off very well.

Donot consider camping unless there is less then 10 minutes left when the flags are first picked up.

The way to camping is having your melee stand below the ramp, ranged stand up the ramp and FC stand near the edge of the roof, that way, if they want to reach your FC, they will have to go trough your entire team before reaching him.

 

Also make sure to utilize knockbacks on roof to the fullest extend, knocking 3 dps off while their rogue is bombing is priceless

 

 

3.2 Twin Peaks

 

My guide for twin peaks is essentially the same as Warsong Gulch, but I will give a few more pointers which are unique to TP but that is it.

In the start always try to get across the water asap or else donot fight near the water, not being able to run away because of the bridge LOS or because water slows you down sucks major balls, so just avoid the water alltogether.

If you can't get them to come into the water and basically have a stalemate, go over the water near the alliance graveyard and fight near the big rock there, alternatively you can make a demonic portal and port people over.

If you are getting pushed back, try moving towards your middle graveyard while having your tank stand inbetween you and the graveyard so you get quick resses.

If you really cannot hold it anymore consider going back into your base and up the ramp, especially with knock-back classes and good path blocking it is pretty easy to defend a tank there while your spriest/mage/lock try to kill the EFC.

If you have an elemental shaman and your alliance, try to knock the enemy flag carrier off the map while hes crossing the water near the alliance berserker buff hut, this is really a great strategy, as it gives you a huge chance to get a cap (considering the flag stays in limbo for quite some time before returning itself, which gives you alot of time to get on the flag spot).

Catching flag carriers in the water is a great strategy as horde, you can easily have your casters rip into him from up the ramp and he isn't going anywhere because damage removes his water walking. Water+Slow=not going anywhere.

If they all gather up in their base to turtle, just push trough them with freedom totem and rape the EFC asap.

 

For the strategy again its the same as WSG only instead of defending on roof you have to defend on ramp.

 

 

3.3 Arathi Basin

 

The following BG's are about defending/keeping bases in order to score, there are some classes that are inherently good at defending while others are medium at it at it. What you are looking for in a base defender is a. enough defensives to keep themselves alive against multiple enemy's while help comes and b. enough ways to prevent an enemy (team) from ccing him to stop the cap.

 

Good:

1. Hunter (alot of defensives aswell as good anti-cc cap because of pet and amazing 1v1 capability)

2. Rogue (alot of defensives and can pmuch chain-sap multiple people to prevent caps, aswell as amazing 1v1 capability)

3. Arms warrior (hard to kill and can zerker rage saps and fears and spell-reflect incomming cc aswell as bladestorm incomming cc)

 

Medium

1. Warlock (alot of defensives, but dies hard to any melee, aswell as cant do full damage due to having to have a pet out to prevent cc caps, also often needed in teamfights for his damage)

2. Mage (just as good of a defender as the ''Good'' category, but often needed in teamfights)

3. Balance druids (alot of defensives/heals but no anti-cc and medium 1v1 capabilitys, though good for defending LM because of knock-off, often needed in teamfights)

 

 

Anything besides the above are bad defenders and shouldn't be considered, especially healers

 

Arathi Basin is the hardest map to lead on, which is positive, considering you can win against teams much better then you by just outleading them.

What you need to do is keep your cool at all times and keep control of your group, people have the tendency to think that they know better on this BG and try and ninjacap bases/go on their own for some reason.

For this game you need to split up your group in 4 subgroups

G1=Arms warrior/feral druid & Hpala, the arms warrior will cap farm and move to BS to try and stall the enemy there

G2=Rogue, hunter or mage (if you have 2)=If you dont have a rogue or hunter or only 1 mage and they do have a rogue/hunter/2 mages, its not worth going for GM since you will lose it anyway, rather have that one extra dps up on LM.

G3=Rsham+Dpriest+4 DPS=LM, once (if) you get LM, they will slow fall down to BS and try to get that aswell

G4=Mage going to LM aswell to fight there and then defend.

 

In the start all groups will go to their assigned base, the BS group is just stalling the opposing group for as long as possible.

If your G3+4 succeed in doing this, have the mage stay LM, give everybody slowfall and have them jump down to BS to cap that aswell.

As soon as your dps land on BS, your warrior will go to the Farm/stables and defend that for the rest of the game.(arms should obv go sword+board)

G3+4 should then be able to cap BS, since all their DPS are still ressing at farm/stables, or even their starting place if the LM group was quick.

If they manage to get to BS before you can safely cap it, just wipe them again

If your G2 also manages to cap mine, you should now have 4 bases. Most groups however will send 1 dps to mine to help guy cap, this is okay, just have your defenderstall them as long as possible and then die. Like that they will have 1 less player on the BS which makes the fight easier there.

Once you have those 4 (most likely 3 unless its a really bad team) you should spread out your players, 1 healer on each base (if you have LM preferably you on LM, since you have a nice overview there) and all your DPS on blacksmith.

Nowadays it's almost impossible to win a full teamfight on a base that is controlled by another player, so most of their attacks wil be having most of their group go to 1 base and then having 2 sneak attack on another base.

Therefore, if they are attacking 1 base you should only send your 2 other healers there if all enemys have been located (except those defending their bases ofcourse)

The above was all assuming that the enemy doesn't wipe you and that you can get 3/4 bases in the start.

 

The hard part starts when you arn't able, for instance you get wiped on LM.

What you do then depends on how fast you get wiped, if you lasted long enough to ress on stables/farm it should be fine, you can easily get to BS before the enemy team caps it by slowfalling down from the LM.

Send your mage to help your GM attacker at GM if he hasn't capped that yet so you atleast get that base. Then have the frostmage stay there.

If you failed badly on LM and get a ress in your starting base, you may consider going LM instead, if they are all in the air slowfalling they are really slowed down from getting to LM, and if they only left 1 person there you can easily rape him and ninja the base.

This does however give you the LM-GM-Farm/ST base combination, which is really hard to defend.

If you fail on this aswell and the opponents take BS, you first and foremost need to keep your calm.

What you then do is move your entire group to the point inbetween the 3 bases they have (so for instance if they have LM-Farm-BS, move to the bridge between ST and farm.

There you should try and wipe anyone in your way, which should be easy since they usually have a couple of floaters. Once those are dead you need to see where they have least people defending, BS or LM/GM. Have your mage leave the GM/LM and have him go with another dps that can cc to open on the stables or the farm (whichever applicable) and then send your entire team to the base where they have the least players. Have your DK stand between the BS and that base to slow them down. Make sure you kill 1-2 of them before they are there in full force, once they are all there have 1 person disengage and send your mage from GM/LM to the Farm/Stables (whichever isn't yours) leaving LM undefended and then have him go with that 1 dps to cc cap that base

This should get you back to 3 bases and then just employ the defending strategy I mapped out earlier, even though the bases you are defending arn't fully optimal.

The key to winning this map is the opener and communication, people need to be constantly on the lookout for enemy movement patterns to see where they are going asap, keep an eye on the enemy team rogue and their other stealthers, every person assigned to solo defend a base should be able to keep that base alone for atleast 30 seconds if they use full cooldowns.

If you are doing a mass fight you should always be on the lookout for people who are trying to ninjacap, this is mainly the job of the person assigned to defend that base, so if he sees someone trying to ninja while hes cc'd, he should ofcourse call it out. The person best suited to keeping an eye on the flag is the DK and the destro lock(s), since howling blast/rain of fire allows them to instantly stop any capping attempt.

This BG is where the good people distinguish themselves from the average ones, keeping a base against 2 people helbend on either ripping you apart in a global or ninjaing that base from you is really an art.

If you have incommings here, make sure you say it, even if it is only one and you think you can handle it, as soon as its needed people should be coming over to wipe them.

 

 

Thats about it for AB, the key to winning this place is great internal communication combined with excelent strat knowledge and solo performance.

Good luck, this is the hardest BG to lead that there is.

 

 

3.4 Eye of the Storm

 

This is the worst BG you can get, it is a BG that is essentially decided in the first ~4 minutes of the game and from then on you have the choice to either play fun or turtle for the win. Having people who can knock back (especially combined with aoe grips) is really good here

 

Send a mage/hunter/rogue to one base and the arms warrior/feral druid to the other one (it doesn't really matter which one goes where), the arms warrior will probably stay on his base for the entire game picking his nose (fun gameplay, I know) while the mage should try to find out what class is on the tower opposite to him and occasionally try and ninjacap it (have him ask you for permission first though). You need to avoid having an arms warrior on the MT/BET because it is really easy for a mage to ninjacap from him there

 

In the start of the game have 8/10 of your team charge the middle.

 

If you fail to do this this can have potentially horrible consequences, because half your team is at half health when you reach the middle.

Once all are in the middle, start pushing them back knockbacks/pressure.

If they are pushed back far enough your ele shams/druids should knock them off to create even more pressure.

Try and wipe them asap as this fight is the most important one in the game.

Your DK should keep an eye on the flag with howling blast to avoid them from ninjacapping it, but if you already do good damage this should never happen

 

Once you start wiping them push them back and tell your healers to cap the flag.

The best person who can do this is a resto shaman or a resto druid because they can ghostwolf/travelform with the flag for less downtime.

Have him run to the arms war/ (or to the mage if you have a feral defending) and drop flag and then go back to the middle again, instruct your FC to only cap flags when you say it.

 

 

Just keep wiping them if they try and push one of your towers or your FC.

Your flag carrier is basically unkillable due to not getting debuffs for carrying the flag.

If you play it really gay you can just have 2 people on 1 base and the other 8 on the base they are currently attacking when you get the flag and wait with capping till 50 points left for an easy win

If you have a semi-decent team, you should never ever ever lose a base because of the graveyard being so close to each base (except maybe MT).

Then when the score hits 1550 (this will take a long time) have your FC cap the flag, good game, you just won in the most lamest way ever.

 

If the opponent has better pressure then you you are basically ****ed on this map, you can't really win unless they play badly.

Your best bet is to have 7/10 push into one base which isn't opposite to the one your mage is on and have your mage leave his base and go to the other base together with another dps who can use crowd control wel (a spriest, balance druid, rogue or warlock) then control the 1 defender and hope you can ninja it by ccing the defender before reinforcements arrive.

Another good trick you can use if you have a DK if you want to force them to cap is to Deathgrip the FC to the flagspot, this is quite hard however since most FC's won't get in LOS of the flagspot if they notice your trying to do this. If you do this make sure there is someone in the middle to pickup the flags.

 

If they have a hunter defending a base that pushes your warrior/feral, your in trouble, since a hunter can easily solocap against a warrior, if this happens you have 3 options, either switch your warrior/feral and mage around, so the mage is facing the hunter, this might be risky because they can cap your base if they time it right.

The second option is to continuously send a dps back to defend with your warrior when the hunter is comming, which kinda rapes you in the middle.

 

The third option is having a dps push through the enemy (balance druids with travel form/displacer or spriests with disperse work really well for this) and go to the base the hunter just left empty and try to cap it, most of the times you will fail but it should scare them enough to not try such **** again.

If they have a rogue he might try capping against your warrior aswell, since blind is now 1.5 minutes, so what he will do it go to the base, force your warrior's/feral trinket with his blind and back off only to come back and ninja it again when his blind is back up and your warrior's/feral trinket isn't, you need to make sure your war/feral sets a timer for this and asks for a backup during that 30 seconds when his trinket isn't back up and he is vulnerable to the rogues cc.

 

 

3.5 Battle of Gilneas

 

Battle of Gilneas is after TP/WSG my favorite battleground, before blizzard changed the spawnpoints it was really impossible to win after you were 1 base down because people could just spawn-rush you pretty hard making it impossible to take a base off the opponents. Luckily once they changed this it very possible to win this even after overcomming a wipe in the first fight

 

In this battleground it is the best to have your war/feral go arms/kitty and defend GM/LH and the rest of your group will go WW.

If you are horde, send your entire group except for your holy paladin around the back, the holy paladin should go front way, make sure your dk has waterwalking. As horde you have a pretty big disadvantage in this bg at ww, because your healers are stuck in a very tight place, making them very vulnerable to getting killed.

In this BG, it is basically healer rushdown, you focus their healers and they focus yours, the one who kills the opposing teams healers first wins.

I have had games where all 3 of both teams healers were dead after 30 seconds, leaving the dps to juke it out.

Ofcourse, it is still important to not overextend ridiculously hard and get killed of.

Make sure you wipe them before they wipe you, again your DK should be keeping an eye on the flag to avoid them ninjacapping it.

This fight can last for quite long, but even if you notice your getting wiped, keep going, you can still recover if you all die.

 

Once you control WW, send your hpal to the mines/LH with the arms war and have your mage/rdruid stay at WW.

The rest of your dps+resto shaman should be on the little ramp right next to the waterworks (in between mines and waterworks).

So if they choose to instead of going for a base go for the inbetween group, they can very easily go trough the backway to either mines or WW.

If they choose to engage the group standing there it is really important that you donot get caught, as this will certainly lead to your death.

Also never try to pick fights away from bases.

If they go for the WW and kill someone, he will spawn at the mines, if he has 10 second left and is considered a capable base defender (see the list I posted previously) your arms warrior can then move WW to prevent them from capping the base and thus to buy you some time, you do need to coordinate this properly though.

 

If they win the first fight over waterworks, you need to make sure that you donot panic, have everybody wait for their ress and buff up, you still have plenty of time.

Then move towards the big mountain in between LH and Mines.

See where their in-between group is and engage that one.

Most likely you will kill 1-2 of them and they will all push back into WW, this is excactly where you want them.

Have your DK(s) stand in between the WW and the LH to slow down any attempts from the enemy team to go LH and have your entire group push LH.

There should only be 2 people there which are easily wipable so you can cap that base.

If it does turn out to be a really long fight at LH you can still wipe them, considering you already killed 1-2 of them earlier.

If this strategy fails just rinse & repeat till you get it right, it does take some discipline from your group to not chase them to WW here.

 

Always make sure your defenders are communicating with you wether or not their bases are under attack this is again of key importance.

For defending against a rogue/hunter attacking LH/Mines, the same strategy(s) apply as on eots.

 

 

3.6 Silvershard Mines

 

This BG is fairly hard to lead and takes alot of coordination and people knowing what they are doing but since it's new its often easy to win since most teams don't know what to do properly on this one.

Also this BG is ridiculously biased towards horde, they are ALWAYS faster to both the lava and the mid cart then the alliance, so if you remain wipeless in the first teamfight, the horde get the lava cart guaranteed, unless the alliance can keep them out of the cart.

Also it is really easy for the horde to bottleneck them and get a great grip-beam combo on them.

The lava cart is the cart that caps fastest, almost twice as fast as the top cart, so since horde have a much easier time controlling it, they will get more points and have a much bigger chance of winning, huge oversight by blizz.

First of have your feral/warrior go arms/kitty if he has the proper gear for it.

 

First of abit on linguistics: it's important that people know what you mean when you call for a certain cart, so say beforehand to your team that:

Most left cart=top or water

Middle cart=middle

Right card=right or lava

Respawn place of carts=spawn

This might seem abit obvious but I can't tell how many times I have seen people go to the middle and fight there while the leader was calling the middle cart.

 

The place where the carts spawn is never the same, so as a leader you need to adjust your strategy based on if carts are able to be capped from the start, this will take some practise but isn't very hard.

In the start you start of by sending 1 person to the middle (horde) or top (alliance) (see my previous list of defenders) and having all other 9 people go for lava cart, since the locations of the carts can vary randomly in RBG, you need to estimate if you can still cap a cart before it auto caps, this is a proces of trial and error and will take some time before you get a feeling for it.

The goal of this BG is to always make sure you cap 2 carts while the enemy caps 1, preferably the top cart.

The way you do this is by continuously fighting them 9v9 on a specific cart, wiping power really doesn't matter here, controlling of the carts is what matters.

 

Always leave 1 person who can survive behind on a cart, this will tipically be your warrior/feral (even if he is arms/kitty).

What you need to do is always make sure you are inside the carts range (rsham freedom totem & hpala freedoms are really good here) while making sure that your enemys arn't, classes with knockbacks/aoe cc (shamans, (r/b)druids, mages, warlocks and arms warriors are really good here).

 

Try to get them splitted up on ress, dont kill their last few people untill the first people are (about to) ress.

The most important thing here is capping the carts, not controlling them, 1 cap gives 150 points, which is more then all the points combined you get from controlling a cart.

 

The shortest route from spawn-cap is the lava cart, so if possible make sure you get that one every time.

There are levers to make the cart go a different route, but they are fairly useless, I suggest never really using them.

You can try ninjacapping the enemy's cart only do this if the cart your trying to catch is like 3/4th along the way of being capped, this way you dont waste to much time if you fail and if you succeed its to late for the enemy to reinforce, but this is risky since it requires you to send 2 people away which you will not have later, also the 1 defender might be a very good player and be able to defend it by himself until it caps. So in general unless your really certain you can get it or are really desperate for that 1 cap, its probably not worth it.

There are switches that can alter tracks, but I almost never use them, since they are kinda pointless since its really hard to reach the switches if the cart is between spawn and the switches, because there is a big bottleneck on both sides.

 

Overall this is quite a hard BG to lead and it is very dependent on what the enemy does where you want to send your forces, just be careful and make sure people dont make silly mistakes and you should be fine.

 

 

3.7 Temple of Kotmogu

 

 

This BG is the most stressful cluster**** you will ever encounter, and is mostly about individual skill rather then group leadership.

Again in the start you need to make sure you agree on linguistics, you can either go for top/bottom right/left (seen from the world map) or with the orb colors, depending on what you prefer. We use the colors, which might take some practise but is easiest once everyone knows where which orb is (Orange=Top-Right, Purple=Top-Left, Green=Bot-Left and Blue is Bot-Right

From here on all hell breaks loose.

 

Make sure the first 2 orbs are picked up by ''proper'' carriers this includes:

Feral Druid

Mages

Locks

Spriests

Hunters

Moonkins with Warlock Symbiosis

Basically anything except for healers and melee.

 

In the start, you want all of your group to go to one side with the enemy team and have a big teamfight, if 1-2 die, 2 good 1v1 classes should split of and go around for the enemys FC's, ofcourse if you can grip them in thats amazing aswell, but very hard.

Try to always have your FC's together with the main group standing in the back and kite them along the lines, NEVER have them in the middle unless the enemy team is wiped, and then always have them stand on the bottom of the ramps so they can easily get out of the middle

 

Also have your ranged stand on ramps and ready to pickup orbs that will die

If your killing someone controlling an orb, call out what color is about to get avaible or where that color can be found, so people can go there to pick it up.

 

Similarly, if your dying call out where the orb you will drop will be respawning.

Now the point count is fairly interesting, the amount of points you get depends on where you are standing, you get 5 points/5 seconds when you are in the circle, 4 points every 5 seconds if you are in the ring around the circle and 3 points if you enter the grass. (there is a pretty big modifier if you controll all 4 orbs but you can come back from having that happen)

Also you get 10 points every time you kill an enemy orb holder.

 

What you want to do when you have the orbs is NEVER go into the middle, except when almost the entire enemy team is wiped, to score some quick points, but after that get out asap again, since you are very vulnerable to ganks in the middle.

If you have an orb you will just want to kite around the platforms while the rest of your team keeps them of you, just go round in circles while another part of the team goes for the enemy orb holders.

 

Generally you don't want to kill healers since they will be oom most of the game spamming heals into orb holders (they have less healing taken) so dont bother swapping on healers unless they are a free kill, just focus on orb holders.

Getting the kiting under control is the hardest thing about this battleground, if you can master that properly you have pretty much won the game.

 

Also don't be afraid to kite outside to the green if your about to get killed or most of your team is dead, it is a really good way to prevent the enemy team from getting all orbs and getting the +10 point bonus from killing you.

If you have good coordination you can also bop orbs of people (only way to reset stacks) and then quickly have someone else pick up the orb, you need to make sure for this that there is someone ready to get the new one, only do this if bad carrier classes have them or people have high stacks.

 

3.8 Deepwind Gorge

 

This ''new'' bg is basically a mix between Warsong Gulch and Battle of Gilneas.

Before the game starts, you want to divide your team up in 3 groups, depending on what 1v1 classes you have (hunter, mage,feral and rogue) and on how good you judge those players to be. If you think they can 1v1 an opposing hunter/mage/rogue and you have 1 of each, send 1 of them to each top/bottom base and the third with your main team to mid (more on that later), if not, send 2 of them to top and noone to bot, it is most important that you get at least top or bottom. If you are running with 4 healers send 1 healer and a dps to one base instead of 2 of your 1v1 classes.

 

Put the rest of your team (including your arms) to go to the middle base and fight to the death there. The fight in mid might last for quite a while, but as soon as the opposing team hits 150 resources, have your fc peel off and go for their cart, not before that, since otherwise you don't take the full 200 resources from the enemy team from picking up their cart. If you win the fight at mid, make sure you have at least top or bottom and then have 2 people defend, a healer and your tank go for their cart and the rest of the group being reactionary focussing on either protecting your cart carrier, killing enemy cart carrier, or protecting whichever base they are attacking.

Alternatively, you could leave 1 dps to harras/slow the enemy cart carrier so you can easily kill him when he picks up the cart, remember that if you return your cart, you will gain the 200 resources the enemy team stole from you back.

 

Even if you can't wipe them in fights, you can still win if you cap a lot of carts while preventing your enemy from doing so, so that is the best strategy if you can't win the mid teamfight. Alternatively, you could try ninjaing top/bot base with a stealth team (mage/rogue/feral/hunter/resto druid), 2 of those classes.

This bg is really big, so you will need to anticipate the moves the enemy team is making before they actually make them, otherwise you might be to late to do anything about their play. There is not much else to say about this battleground, just act smart, anticipate what the enemy is going to do and try to kill their cart carriers as much as you can while capping/keeping two bases.

 

 

4.0 Addons

1. Battlegroundtargets, this is absolutely the best addon for RBG ever, it allows you to keep track of how many the enemy team got alive, how many stacks the FC's/Orb holders have where enemy's (trough clicking on them and looking at the mini map) and how much mana their healers have left, this baby has alot of settings so work with what you think works best.

2. Deadly Boss Mods for seeing when the next stack in FC games will be comming

3. Icycle (as Target caller) to see what anti-damage buffs your target has up

4. Any raid cooldown timer addon which allows you to see what defensives the individual members of your group have up.

 

Note: If anyone knows of an addon which tracks enemy teams res timers, preferably on all BG's but mostly for WSG/TP, please contact me or post it in this thread and I will be very grateful, I know that bailamos has one, but he refuses to share it

 

 

 

5.0 Tips

1. Buy battle standards, in mass fight that extra HP boost can be great, especially if you can always keep one up (which is pretty much the case if you have 10), make sure you place them strategically, in houses, behind your group or at least as far out of reach of the enemy as possible.

On the other side, always be on the lookout for badly placed battle standards, even healers can 1-shot these things.

2. As of patch 5.1, blizzard disabled cooldowns in RBG that couldn't be used in arena, this includes Infernal, Bloodlust/Heroism/Time Warp, Lay on Hands, Ahnk

3. Loot enemy corpses, this prevents people from walking to their corpses, on the other hand if the enemy fails to loot your corpse and you get a long ress timer and you havn't died alot yet this fight, feel free to run back to your corpse.

4. Always keep an eye on their ninja capping classes (rogue/mage/hunter/druid), if they are disengaging on a node battleground they will most likely try and ninja something, if they are disengaging on a capture the flag BG have a healer move close to your tank for when he opens with smokebomb. In node bg's, it is the defenders duty to do this.

5. Look enemy players up on the armory before the game starts, if they have sub-par pvp gear they are most likely carried alts who make for easy targets.

6. In the case that your fighting against a boosting team (easily seen from the 2400+ CR of half of the team compared to the 2200- rating of the other half, don't stress, its okay if they wipe you to the floor, they should be playing on 2400 rating, not 2100. If you think it helps report the people to blizzard, but I don't believe blizzard does anything to counter RBG boosters.

7. Always stick together unless your called to do otherwise, ramboing really doesn't help.

8. Call out your cc's and the targets your using them on

9. If you have abit better group, you could try setting focus targets for ranged to use their interrupts on so you know all healers are getting interrupted at least once.

10. If inviting a certain player to your group doesn't feel good, don't do it

11. If you run alot of good pugs, you may become famous and people will constantly spam you asking if your making a group again, always be polite when responding to them because you might need me later.

12. If you are about to die, ask for the ress timer, if it is almost up make sure to die quickly (run into them, click off buffs) so that you make the ress timer

13. Shouting at people is often reasonable, if they don't do as you told them or are playing really badly, this will often shake them up and make them focus better. However try to keep it at a minimum, you only want to yell at people if they are making very obvious mistakes or arn't listening, dont rage because the game is going bad in general, nobody wants to play with a rage machine because it's simply not fun. Also if you rage alot people will think it's your normal way of communicating, making it less exceptional when you do and people are bound to be less impressed by it, so keep it at a minimum.

14. You are the only person that shouts at people, it's your job and entitlement as a leader, if other people in your group start doing it the atmosphere will turn ugly very soon, so make sure people dont start flaming on each other, most of the time people making mistakes are prepared to take it from you since your the leader, but not from some other random guy.

15. Play well, leading by example and not making stupid mistakes is the best way of showing people how it is done, it will also increase their respect for you.

16. Have your little map open somewhere in your screen at all times, to make sure you dont constantly have to toggle up the big map to see where people are etc.

17. Due to AOE grip sharing DR with vortex, the grip-->vortex-->solar beam combo is a lot less potent, still having a good aoe grip can change games enormously.

 

 

Well thats about it for this guide guys, I hope you enjoyed it and learned something useful from it.

 

Please do not copy-paste this guide without giving me credit and linking back to this original guide.

 

If you disagree with anything written here please say so and maybe you can help me refine my strategy's

 

If any errors I might have made, please point them out.

 

If you have questions, feel free to ask them and ill get back to you as soon as I can

 

Best guide posted.

[Ralidyn]

I'll take an hour of lessons if you're still offering. Do you charge after or up-font? I will only accept payment after I experience a high quality lesson.

[sithBracer]

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

*************************************************************

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

Teaching the in's and out's of a MMORPG.....'B' for effort (since you have no references), but 'F' for originality:

 

WARNING LANGUAGE (and long)

 

*************************************************************

 

The Quon teaches the classes to the masses.

 

As a part of The Quons ongoing mission to bring a deeper sense of understanding and **** to the peeps of Norrath, I’m dropping the first in a series of definitive class breakdowns.

 

Bards – Band geeks who’s natural defense involves a drum and blurry feet. Sounds like the wet dream of half of VI’s geek *** dev team. On the aesthetic tip, The Quon digs the female bard in a big way, not a dog race in the bunch. As a class though, they have one of the worst naming track records in the game. Seriously..Notes, Chords, Melody, and such ****. C’mon, if I see one more Bard with some name like Halfnote McSongandDance or Minstril St.PolkaSinger, The Quon’s gonna SL the whole class just on general principle. Not like that would matter much. When’s the last time anyone actually hunted with a Bard anyway? I catch Mana Song whiffs every now and then around the nexus or in the GY’s in PoP, but The Quon sure as **** never groups with one. I’m guessing there’s a Swarm Kiting zone out there where they follow each other around in a clockwise circle jerk for xp. Fun. But I miss them, if only cause I want to bust out my old hot key, “Play mana song and rub my feet.”

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Bards: Hit ‘em with a Celestial periodically as a gesture of good will, and if they insist on selfishly requiring the MCs valuable mana I wait until they’re at 40% and i send them a /tell to “run!!”. Then I giggle my *** off.

 

Beastlords – The Quon can count with his nuts the number of times he’s grouped with these aberrations. But it seems like every fourth rez request is from one of these freaks who’s all like “I need your help”. If they pays, The Quon plays. Beastlords are another class dangerously close to mass **** Listing based on having the most stupid names per capita. Petme SoftPuss, Catank, Tigerlily Growlinflower, ***? The only way someone would invite a name like that to a group is if the group leaders were Seigfried and his man-toy Roy.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Beastlords: After I rez one, Celestial usually does the trick. In group? Who the **** knows?

 

Way more after the break

 

 

Druid – Nature luvin piss ants. If you really want to keep Norrath beautiful, bring along a shovel to pick up after my horse while you wait for someone to call EVAC. Druids are the exiled pimp class of the nation. Never has a class had it so good for so long. And never has a class taken the pipe so deep and so hard and deserved it so much as these ********s did. Druids are so out of style now I half expect to see them sporting Mullets and Parachute pants. Hell, the only worthwhile port a Druid can do now is for himself, back to a time when his ****can class was relevent and fun. And Druids…listen up. Don’t over-write The Quons buffs. Don’t try to drop your second rate CH in front of me. It’s just embarrassing. And more than a little sad. On a different note The Quon has a question. Why does it seem like droods can’t even wipe their asses unless Tunare tells them too…it’s always “By Tunares will this” and “By Tunares might that”. By Tunares mouth they toss The Quon’s salad… it’s all holy roleplaying until they’re gargling The Quon’s ‘SoW potion’ in the back alleys of Shadowhaven.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Druids: None. Your heal’s the shizz? Then use it on yourself.

 

Enchanter – I suggest that SOE make chanters start out at level 60 with KEI already memmed in their spellbooks. Prior to lvl 60 your only duty is to wear a skirt and look pretty. Even after 60 there is no need for you to be in a group, just cast KEI on us and beat it, go make some earrings or sit in the corner and whine about being useless. Maybe if your nukes had more punch than a snowball in summer I’d let you group with me, or if your pet could find it’s own *** with a map and a ranger tracking for it. No ****, those animations should come with head gear and a Power Ranger backpack. Lastly, If you are a male and playing an enchanter delete that pansie *** toon right now, *** were you thinking? All the Charisma points in the world won’t make me like these ******s.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for enchanters: None. It’s like trying to grab a piece of toilet paper as it’s swirling down the Crappa. If they can’t “bedazzle” their way out of trouble then p**** ‘em and their short bus pets.

 

Magicians – All Mage’s should line up in the hallways of Nexus like condom machines in a bathroom. To be truly useful to the Quon you will need to be able to summon the following: A Woodelf Honie with chest guns the size of West Karana, a stripper pole, a phat pile of dollar bills, and a case of Schlitz Malt Liquor Bull 40′s. The problem with these Mages is that The Quon has to ask for the ****. The instant The Quon joins a group with a Mage, he should be seeing a trade window with all the stuff that is of benefit to The Quon. Does the Quon look like a Mage to you? NO! How the phuck am I supposed to know what you have to offer? Show the Quon, dazzle him. Or else, just summon a spoon and eat the Quon’s ***.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Magicians: Let’s be real, The Quon watches the little green bar under the Mage’s closer than he watches the Mage’s. Yo, if the pet would stick around after a Mage died the Quon wouldn’t even bother with a Rez.

 

Rangers – This one is just too easy, the Quon almost feels guilty rippin on Rangers. No matter what the Quon says about Rangers its been said before. No class has more emotional and physical scarring than the Ranger, the only choice is for The Quon to settle for picking open your scabs. Let’s get real, Ranagers are the only class that could save considerable play time by creating a /consent Hot Key. Rangers should get an AA ability that would automatically spawn their corpse at the groups camp, would save everyone some friggin time. The Quon does group with Rangers though from time to time cause its wicked funny when one of their stray arrows catches a Druid in the eye. It’s also funny to watch when it starts to rain or something and the Ranger loses HP’s. It’s like hunting with Bubble Boy. Female Ranger? Make yourself useful by foraging up a condom so the Quon can get his freak on, awwwww yeaaa. Male Ranger? Forage up a pair of pretty pink panties and put them on so it’s easier for the Warrior to find your corpse, cause you know you’ll get beat down too fast to get a /loc.

 

The Quon’s general heal strategy for Rangers: Open spellbook, look waaaaay in the back for Greater Heal. That’s all The Quon is willing to commit. Sometimes though, when The Quon has been getting his drink on, he’ll toss The Big Heal Bomb on a Ranger for ***** and giggles. And while I do it I scream in both group and say, “Who’s a big boy?…Who’s a big boy???”. Sadly enough though, to get the Big Heal Bomb to land in time, The Quon has to start casting the night before.

 

Paladin – Self proclaimed “Holy Warriors” of EQ. First off, these 2nd class meat shields have the sweetest scam in the whole game short of the whole “Rez in my pocket” thing. Lay Hands is mad brilliant. “Hey, get your hands off my ****!” “Awww girl, I’ve gotta touch ya to heal ya.”

The problems start when they do that **** to everyone. Male, Female, Ranger, whatever. For that reason, if there was a big *** shower in EQ and we all had to clean off after fights like it was gym class and ****, The Quon sure as hell would have his soap on a motha phuckin rope around The Paladin. It’s all Truth, Honor, Integrity and **** until some young half elf exposes the Brown Eye, then its like a prison movie. Don’t be all like “But The Quon, I’m really not gay, you’re just looking a little under the weather, let me rub it better…” I swear to god if you ever inspect my equip, I’m gonna light your **** up, Yo. Oh, and if the shiat really hits the proverbial fan and The Quon looks like he may die, don’t even THINK about Lay On Hands for The Quon. You’ll just get a fist full of Divine Aura to grind up on.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for Paladins: The Quon keeps these phucks alive, he just does it from a distance.

 

Rogue – The Quon has an uber Bracer of the Hidden just for See Invis cause these muther*******s will sneak up on you like a yeasty ***** in the night. They’ll poke those tiny fingers up under your nose and **** and be all like “smell that”. The Quon don’t fall for that ****, he knows you stick your fingers up that Orc’s *** while you’re trying to pickpocket. And The Quon knows it ain’t no accident. When The Quon was younger and newer to the ways of EQ love, he hooked up with this Halfling Rogue chick. She was mad nutty and had hands like one of those little diaper wearing helper monkeys. We got to it and she was all over The Quon, talking nasty in that secret Thief language about some **** The Quon didn’t care about and sticking her fingers in every opening The Quon has. The Quon was hella turned on until she put her finger in his mouth. The Quon is dry heaving now thinking about. Plus it’s a motha phuckin fact that they don’t take care of their cha cha’s if you get The Quons meaning.

Any time a rogue is in The Quon’s group he send them a /tell right off, “Yo asspoker, if you want healed after you take a beatin because you can’t control your own aggro you best be splittin that Pickpocket money with The Quon, 50/50 ******. That doesn’t include the DoT money you owe me either.” Respect.

The Quon also likes to dog them about their poisons. “So you dropped mad cash and farmed green mobs for weeks to hit that mob with a 300 hp dot? Whoops, The Quon accidentally cast Sound of Force…220 damage and a stun for next to no mana, whoops, just did it again.” Pwnd.

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for rogues: Evade motha phucka. If the rogue has forked over phat platz then they will get a celestial here and there as needed, if not they better have a piercer that summons bandaids and ****.

 

Shadowknight – Not quite a Warrior and not quite a Necro. More often than not The Quon gets to group with the one who’s gotten the Warriors brains and the Necros hp’s. ***? Transvestites have less of an identity crisis. Don’t even try to play like you didn’t choose a SK because you thought it had a “cool” name.

Every time The Quon sees a SK he wants to bust a cap in their ***. SK’s should come in 12 packs cause they are about as useful as a busted condom once they’ve spent their HT load. The Quon could watch for the Harm Touch message and then be all like “NEXT!” and cycle those dozen candy asses through the group with mad haste. The 11 not in the group could entertain The Quon by /oocing words of amazement at eveything The Quon does…”Damn, The Quon can heal like a motha”…”Damn that’s some good sitting”, or making sure nothing is in The Quon’s way when he trains the zone out.

Did you know that Knights have pets ? /boggle. That gimped animation has to /kneel before enchanter pets. I guess SOE gave them pity pets cause they knew a SK would never get a group. Seriously, have you ever seen a SK that didn’t have LFG next to their name? For the longest time The Quon thought LFG was some kinda weird SK only guild. One of The Quon’s favorite games is inviting a SK to the group, especially when he is somewhere remote like Sebilis and ****. They ALWAYS come, tails waggin and ****. When they finally arrive I’m like “dude, sorry, The Quon thought you were a warrior.” After they calm down The Quon’s all like “Do you have 11 friends?”

 

The Quon’s healing strategy for ShadowKnights: If they fool The Quon and act like a Warrior they get The Big Heal Bomb. If at any time they do anything that clues The Quon in, it’s Celestials all freakin night.

 

Warrior – Charter members of The Purple Club. When The Quon dreams at night it’s mostly about Wood Elf bangtail, but every now and then, The Quon has a nice dream about a phat Barbarian Chick Warrior with chest guns like throwing boulders all walking like she’s got two Halflings grappling to the death in her kilt, cold rocking 7,500 solid HP’s and AC like The Quons SAT’s (All 1500 and ****…yeahhh),and more Taunt than my drunk uncle on Thanksgiving. She does the purple dance on every single pull and is healed for 7,490 hp’s every time. The Quon says “fetch” and she’s off like a shot. The Quon says “ouch” and she’s got him in her arms nestled all snug up in her grill like The Quon was a baby again and ****. The Quon says kill and she goes all *****cakes on whatever The Quon wants dead. But that’s a ******** dream and The Quon knows it.

 

The reality is that most warriors have got 5 brain cells and 4 of those are fighting over which one gets to beat the **** out the other 1, who’s giggling, drooling and playing with himself over in the corner. When one of The Quons in-bred cousins stays over and begs The Quon to let him try EQ, what class does The Quon make him play? You know it. The Quons all like “put down the banjo and walk over to that orc and hit that button. Do that FOR-***********-EVER. Boooya, now you’re Cletus, Champion of Norrath, ******.”

 

The Quons healing strategy for Warriors: No hating here. The Big Heal Bomb was made for this ****. But you’d better come correct with the equipment. Don’t make The Quon feel like he’s over healing. Cause The Quon has no qualms about busting out Supernal Elixir on your *** and broadcasting his heal message to the whole zone AND your guild boss. “Supernal Elixir for this weak *** 62 Warrior cause The Big Heal Bomb is a ******** waste…”

 

Necros — These cats bug The Quon worse than the crotch crabs he got from that time he dropped a Felwithe Steamer into that ****-*** nasty crapper in the Grobb Warrior’s Guild. Everybody can picture the ****** behind the keyboard playing these maladjusted spank-off artists. He’s that spoiled only child, who’s parents were like 50 and **** when they squirted him out. He always had the coolest toys but couldn’t tolerate anyone else phuckin’ around with them so he sat alone in his room playing Air Hockey all by himself and telling himself that he was the coolest and better off alone and ****.

 

Give The Quon a phuckin’ break. You Necros solo’d around for 3 years, turning your nose up at grouping cause you could, basically playing your own separate game. And now you come groveling to PoP, all “What up! I love me some groupin’!” and shiat. Necros give their gimped grouping skills away in the first 10 minutes every time though. They’re the only ones in the group talking with /say instead of /group. Cracks The Quon up every time. And there’s nothing funnier than a Necro in a PoJ Trials group. You should feel guilty looting the mark because you know all you did was pump out mana and quiver against the wall trying not to aggro anything.

 

And another thing, when you /ooc LFG to a zone, don’t lie about all the **** you can do for The Quons group. Ghetto Crowd control…Mana Regen…Healing. Enough with that ****. Twitch mothaphucka, Twitch. Let’s dig on the skillz that Necros have been laying down all these years. Make pet. Fear mob. Sic pet on mob. Dot. That’s some fun **** yo. I take that back, there is one other spell that The Quon likes. It’s Dead Man Floating, cause the bobbing up and down makes The Quon feel like he is pumping a little WoodElf Scootie. Speaking of pumpin’, The Quon has got to admit that necro chicks are some phreaaky ******es when it comes to cyber. ****, when The Quon feels like getting nasty, he just strolls on over to Neriak, gives out a /shout “The Quon is here, ******es gather”, and The Quon just lays back and soaks up the blue luvin yo. Sometimes he throws some salt on the back of his DE Necro Honie of choice and pretends he’s launching his shuttle into deep space.

 

By the way, The Quon sends an e-mail to Sony every phuckin’ day asking them to make the Katta guards, ****, all guards, have a zone wide agro on these corpse *******s that even FD won’t wash away. The Quon still remembers the times as a young’un when he was limping to the guards for a little help and not phuckin’ making it cause some clownshoes Necro is kiting them around the zone.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Necros – None. Root and scoot ******. Sit in the corner and hump roadkill till you feel better.

 

Wizards – /Nuke…First Aggro : 300mana

/Nuke…Second Aggro : 400 mana

/Nuke…Wizard corpse : Priceless

The Quon prays to himself everyday that every single mob these phucks solo would magically wake up tomorrow with the gift of Summon. That would be hella sweet. All at once, Norrath would be filled with the deafening sounds of your collective screams and the sound of The Quon giggling his *** off.

 

The Quons favorite pastime as of late is to pop into Maidens Eye, cause that’s where these phucktards quad kite en masse, and /shout “Paying 10k for a Team Manaburn on Ragefire.” And then 10 seconds later, /shout “Oh snap! The Quon forgot you choads don’t have that anymore. Forget The Quon said anything. Peace.” It’s hella fun and never gets old.

 

Root, Nuke, DS…whatever. Your job in The Quons group is to toss a nuke or 2 out and evac when The Quon wants some White Castle. Don’t get fancy. Don’t say ****. Don’t ever, ever ask The Quon for a buff. If you get in on a BoA? You’re a lucky mothaphucka. Don’t push it by bugging me for spell haste. Shake off my Aego for a ****can Druid buff? Then you forfeit all heals. May as well gate out now. The Quon remembers a day when you could actually tell when old Merlin had cast a nuke, you could see the Mob’s health bar take a substantial hit. Now, Wizards are about as lethal as a paper cut. The Quon’s advice to Wizards is to TL back to level 29 where you had at least the power of a double A battery.

 

The Quons Healing Strategy for Wizards – Are you getting beat down in the middle of evac? The Quon will take care of you. Otherwise? You best be shadowsteppin your *** off cause you don’t get heal mothaphuckin one from the MC.

 

Shaman – These buttcorks used to be the quiet little brother of the Priest family. All respectful and **** and washing the stains out of The Quons drawers for brownie points. Then Slow became the ******* and all the sudden these phucks are trying to knock off Clerics as the king pope among Priests. The Quon says bring that **** on. You Shammies wanna fight? Stick your head up The Quons *** and fight for air. The big battle is already over though, by the way. You lost. And the Druids didn’t even get to the Arena. They got disqualified when the judges found a gallon of The Quons Sow Potion in their stomachs. The Quon was in a PoV group just last night when the following words were dropped cause he had to leave. “Well let’s call it then. I don’t feel like winging it with Druid or Shammy heals”. A big phat word booty to that. Seriously, Shammies heal like a lvl 24 Druid with Epilepsy.

 

And Canni. The Quon doesn’t care how cool that **** is, under no circumstance will The Quons mana be considered less important than a Shammies. Most Shammies are all like “Well don’t heal me then. I’ll just Torpor.” Well duh mothaphucka. You wanna eat your own asses till you get low health agro and die? Tight. The Quon cares not.

 

And don’t get The Quon started on Slow agro. When The Quon drops The Big Heal Bomb, he’s prepared to receive affection from a hard, pipe hitting mothaphucka. The Quon accepts this like an MC cause that’s what The Quon is. Shammies get Slow agro and you’d think they were playing Duck, Duck, Mothaphuckin Goose or some ****. When The Quon designs his MMORPG, he’s gonna give Shammies a special animation when they run. Their arms are gonna wave around in the air and their mouth is gonna be wide open like they’re screaming. The Quon doesn’t care if they’re just running to sell. They’ll run flailing and screaming like my little sister does when I rip the heads off her Malibu Stacys.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Shaman – An occasional Celestial if it’s a Female Barbarian. Male Shaman? You’d have better luck getting your bear animation to **** in the woods than get a heal from the MC.

 

Monk – The Quon figures there’s gotta be a questionaire that pops up when you start a Monk. If it determines that you’re over 14 then you don’t get to be a Monk. And when you turn 16, a red light starts flashing on your Monks hand rendering FD useless, so these ******s all go start Shammies. Seriously, you know the average age of Monks in RL is about 9, cause they are always up in your grill with links to their uber weapons, stories about how their guild took down the Sleeper and ****, and then leave the group with a quickness when Mommie comes home. In The Quon’s MMORPG there will be no Dragon Punches and Roundhouse kicks. Your special abilities will align more properly with Monk personalities. Eunich Slap, Groin Grab and Compare, Whirling Limp Wrist, and your ultra Class defining ability the Ball Gag of Death (self only). Also, no longer will FD have you laying on the ground all peaceful and **** while the Mob stands around wondering what to do. Nope, in The Quon’s game every time you FD, your *** will be raised up all nice and high so the Mob can proceed to treat you with proper respect. When the Mob is finished, it will shout Booyyah! and strike a match off your bare *** to light up a smoke. The best part is when your toon finally makes it back to camp it will have a little tear roll down the cheek like that sad old Indian from the trash commercial.

 

And don’t get The Quon going on lazy Monks that bring adds. If we’re getting adds then you just got sloppy and you better have Complete Mend loaded up for yourself. Oh? That doesn’t exist? Well then you’re fuxxored. And don’t try to FD on inc. The Quon will load light healing and keep you up and dying till he’s laughing so hard he stains his drawers and has to have a Shammie clean em out again.

 

And Female Monks? FD on The Quons lap with a quickness. He’ll let you know when it’s clear to get up.

 

The Quon’s Healing Strategy for Monks – The Quon will spend just enough mana to keep your sphincter from bleeding all over The Quon’s camp.

 

The Quon out

 

I double quoted it because it was so inspiring.

[Warlord_Maliken]

I read the entire thread and i think this sums up my experience.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIwDogUsg8s