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Books written by Star Wars characters that you wouldn't buy


Aurbere

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"How to Promote Positive Reinforcement in the Workplace" - By Darth Vader

 

Around the Galaxy in 80 ppParsecs, by H Solo (umm, Mr. Han, a Parsec is a distance, not a measure of time. Did you really dump that load of Spice, or did you do something else with it?)

 

I've Got Big DeathStars, by D. Vader (it's hip, and you can dance to it).

 

Down the Trench, and Up the Exhaust Port, by L. Skywalker (Ummm, Master Luke, about that title...)

Kessel Run. It was never meant as a measurement of time. The speed of the Falcon allowed it to skirt closer to the Maw, thus cutting distance off of the run.

Edited by Aximand
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Guessing this is a cookbook then? :)

 

Oddly enough it's not. It's all about serving Jedi efficiently. How to wake them from deep meditation, what safe foods you can feed them on planet surfaces, where to have their robes cleaned and delivered in under 15 minutes.

 

It was very surprising.

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Oddly enough it's not. It's all about serving Jedi efficiently. How to wake them from deep meditation, what safe foods you can feed them on planet surfaces, where to have their robes cleaned and delivered in under 15 minutes.

 

It was very surprising.

 

Yeah, you really wouldn't expect that kind of book about Jedi from Khem. I assumed that book would have apicture of a cooking pot containing a guy in Jedi robes on the cover.

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"How to Convince a Dark Lord of the Sith You've Intercepted No Transmissions and In Fact are On a Diplomatic Mission" Audio book performed by Raymus Antilles with foreword by Princess Leia Organa
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"Subtle diplomatics" by Viceroy Gunray

 

"Advanced spaceship engineering: advantages of placing fragile reactors in hangar bays" by the Chief Engineer of the Trade Federation

 

"How to perform swift executions" by Poggle the Lesser

 

"Surprise orbital bombardments: how to gain approval from your commanding officer" by Admiral Ozzel

 

One I would definitely buy:

 

"Scruffy looks: how to get the best of them" by Han Solo

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"How to Promote Positive Reinforcement in the Workplace" - By Darth Vader

 

 

Kessel Run. It was never meant as a measurement of time. The speed of the Falcon allowed it to skirt closer to the Maw, thus cutting distance off of the run.

 

Yes, George Lucas has A.C. Crispin to thank for covering his butt on that slip-up. :p

 

I can't decide whether it's funny or sad that ExU authors have to patch together George's plotholes. However, the Kessel Run/Parsec issue was the most well done, imo. Great writing by Crispin on that one. :cool:

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Guessing this is a cookbook then? :)

 

Yup. :)

 

You should really pick up the companion piece, though. It's called To Serve Sith. Very good recipies. The Inquisitor gave a copy of it Harkun, who was quite happy with the title, and didn't think much of it; but then he began to read it, and the next thing everyone knew, he was running around the Academy, screaming to the top of his lungs "It's a Cookbook! It's a Cookbook!".

 

Still, Khem's books will never be as popular amongst the Sith as Lord Scourge's best-seller, The Art of Backstabbing, with a foreward by Darth Baras.

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Swift Kick to the Death Stars: Why It Was an Even Worse Idea the Second Time

--Luke Skywalker

 

A Sith's Guide to Father/Son Bonding

--Darth Vader

 

On Proper Treatment of Employees

--Emperor Palpatine

 

An Alderaanian Guide to Continued Civilization

--All of 'em

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