The adventures of Forced Companions Daycare

[kabeone]

BABY QUINN produces a flagpole nearly as tall as himself, with a similarly proportioned Imperial banner on it.

hahahahaha

Where was he hiding that pole?

[YoshiRaphElan]

Kabe, that was my thought! I loved that one, too funny!

[Lesaberisa]

I admire Jorgan's restraint w/regards to Quinn.

[bright_ephemera]

I admire Jorgan's restraint w/regards to Quinn.

 

>.>

 

<.<

 

BABY QUINN takes a swing at BABY JORGAN. BABY JORGAN tackles BABY QUINN and bites him with pointy Cathar teeth.

BABY QUINN: Hey! Ow!

T7-01: Jorgan = stop perforating Quinn

BABY JORGAN, through a biteful of BABY QUINN's jacket: He'th rethithting arretht, thir.

T7-01: Jorgan = stop perforating Quinn

BABY JORGAN, scowling, lets BABY QUINN up.

BABY JORGAN: He's still under arrest, though.

T7-01: Arrest = probably invalid // Forced Companions = no meaningful consequences for bad behavior

KHEM VAL: Be grateful for this mercy.

T7-01: Children = come along // tour = not finished

BABY QUINN: Ah, good. I'm not out of flags.

BABY JORGAN leans over and punches BABY QUINN in the cowlick.

BABY QUINN: Hey!

BABY JORGAN, smugly: I wasn't perforating.

BABY QUINN: I might just hit you with the next flagpole.

KHEM VAL: You might consider not announcing this in front of the chaperons, little Imperial.

BABY QUINN: Hmph. The chain of command here is biased.

[Lesaberisa]

BABY LESA: Quinn started it

[Irrissa]

Baby Jorgan was right, he was only perforating the jacket HAHAHAHAHAHAH

[YoshiRaphElan]

Cat-fight! Literally!

[Adwynyth]

BABY TEMPLE: I’m pretty sure everybody who goes in there gets propelled around by hot air.

BABY KIRA: Sorry, can’t hear you over the sound of how much better our government is.

Bahahahahahahah!

[Syart]

This never fails to be anything less than hilarious

 

Snort-out-loud moments for me:

 

T7-01: Building ahead = Senate Tower // Tower = emblem of freedom and democracy

BABIES ELARA, CORSO, and KIRA: Ooooohhh.

KHEM VAL: Tulak Hord had a better house.

 

BABY QUINN: I could probably have planned this b…no. No, my plan was perfect. Except for the visa. Dorne, you sabotaged me!

BABY ELARA: I arranged student visitation papers for us all as per statute 513-B, paragraph seven! It’s not my fault they don’t legally cover attempted coups!

T7-01 rolls up and extends a grabber arm to take the banner down.

BABY QUINN, sullenly: You can take our flags, but you’ll never take our tyranny.

[bright_ephemera]

On TUESDAYS, FCD is staffed by LORD SCOURGE and KHEM VAL.

 

 

It's a free-draw day. BABY JORGAN and BABY CORSO are busily drawing out blaster schematics.

BABY PIERCE, wandering by: Nice cannon. Too bad a thing with that design'd blow you up where you and your sad Republic base stand.

BABY JORGAN: It's got stabilizers in the primary plasma conduit. It's an advanced Republic prototype. That means you don't get one.

BABY ZENITH has snuck in, purple plastoid foam-dart sniper rifle in hand, to observe the weaponsmiths at work. He approaches the drawing table and greets BABY CORSO and BABY JORGAN with a stoic nod.

BABY JORGAN: Hey, Zenith. Aren't you worried Mister Lord Scourge and Mister Khem Val are gonna take away your weapon one of these days?

BABY ZENITH, grimly: Like to see 'em try.

BABY CORSO: Guys! How about this one? Little hideable piece.

BABY JORGAN and BABY ZENITH check BABY CORSO's proposed schematic.

BABY JORGAN: Huh. Not much juice, but I guess you can carry it places you can't bring a cannon.

BABY ZENITH: Needs a scope.

BABY CORSO: It's a holdout blaster. It's just about the size of a wet kitten. Why does it need a scope?

BABY ZENITH: Blasters are better with scopes. Self-evident.

BABY JORGAN: I've met some assault cannons that really didn't need that level of precision.

BABY ZENITH: Maybe didn't need it. But it'd be even better with one. Trust me.

BABY ZENITH settles down and starts cleaning his toy sniper rifle.

BABY CORSO: I meant to ask. You carry that thing everywhere. Does it have a name?

BABY ZENITH looks at BABY CORSO.

BABY ZENITH continues looking at BABY CORSO.

Scorn drips everywhere.

BABY CORSO: Okay, forget I asked.

BABY CORSO returns to his holdout blaster design.

BABY CORSO: I'm calling this one Sparky.

BABY PIERCE swaggers up, waving a piece of paper on which is drawn, in bold red crayon, a tremendous domed structure completely filled with piping, small text, and florid images of explosions.

BABY PIERCE: Now this is a blaster.

BABY JORGAN: That's not a blaster. It's an ion cannon scaled - BABY JORGAN squints at some of the fine print - to knock the planet itself out of orbit if fired.

BABY PIERCE: Yep!

BABY CORSO: Isn't that bad?

BABY PIERCE: Not always. Probably be more fun than running around with sissy kitten-blasters.

BABY ZENITH, eyeing BABY PIERCE's schematic critically: It'd be better with a scope.

[bright_ephemera]

A short today...

 

On WEDNESDAY, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and SCORPIO.

 

 

BABY THARAN: Miss SCORPIO, I can't help but notice that you incorporate some fascinating exotech.

SCORPIO: Your observation is accurate. I am superior to ordinary technology.

BABY THARAN: I don't suppose I could take you apart a little bit? For study.

SCORPIO: No. You can, however, hand My Little Holiday over so I can analyze her programming to incorporate into my own.

BABY THARAN: Oh, uh, I don't think that's a good idea. You see -

SCORPIO: You were just talking about your desire to break me up into little pieces. You are not in a position to argue.

SCORPIO grabs the purple toy pony MY LITTLE HOLIDAY, swiftly braids her shiny mane, and plugs her into a dataport on SCORPIO's arm.

SCORPIO's eyes light up. She rocks side to side a little.

SCORPIO: So...sparkly...

BABY THARAN: I did warn you.

SCORPIO's eyes flare and then return to their usual low, sinister glow.

SCORPIO: There. I have incorporated My Little Holiday's programs and subroutines into my own consciousness.

BABY THARAN: That might actually be sort of useful...

SCORPIO: You are so smart, Tharan.

BABY THARAN, preening: Oh, I know.

Edited July 11, 2013 by bright_ephemera

[alaurin]

I should really know better than to read this thread when I am stuck in a car with a full bladder by now but it was totally worth the discomfort!!

[bright_ephemera]

On THURSDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and LORD SCOURGE. Today KHEM VAL and SCORPIO are also in attendance.

 

Today = class pictures // children = split up according to affiliation

BABY JAESA: Oh, no.

T7-01: Jaesa = both Jedi and Sith pictures // Jaesa = can wear different outfits to distinguish

BABY JAESA: Whew! Okay.

 

BABY KIRA: I call Team Jedi!

BABY ASHARA: Yeah!

BABY GUSS: Can I be a Jedi?

BABY KIRA and BABY ASHARA: No.

BABY GUSS:

KHEM VAL: The two of you and Jaesa are nothing like the hordes of Yn and Chabosh...but I guess we'll take your picture anyway. Smile or be devoured.

 

BABY RUSK: Team Republic, form up!

BABY JORGAN: I'm going to hope this is the one time your orders don't get everyone around you killed.

BABY RUSK is busy arranging his stuffed-animal squad.

BABY ELARA: I would say 'Reporting, sir,' but I don't think we actually have a chain of command.

M1-4X, from the toybox: Heroes of the Republic! Help me get this swoop track off of me so I can appear in the recruitment posters!

LORD SCOURGE: That's class pictures.

M1-4X: I'm sure they can serve both purposes. Republic ingenuity at its best!

BABY YUUN scoops M1-4X up and carries him to the gathering.

BABY ELARA: Well, our troops are in place. Who else is coming?

YOUNG BOWDAAR: I AM A SLAVE.

BABY CORSO: You can be a slave for the Republic! - Wait, that didn't come out right. Come on, let's join.

BABY RUSK: All right, double-time it, people!

BABY DOC, BABY CORSO, BABY ZENITH, YOUNG BOWDAAR and BABY QYZEN FESS hurry it up, inadvertently trampling BABY RUSK's painstakingly arranged stuffed animals.

BABY RUSK: No!

KHEM VAL and LORD SCOURGE snicker.

T7-01: Rusk = don't worry // Republic = perseveres

BABY JORGAN, in a loud whisper: Preferably a safe distance from you-know-who.

BABY ZENITH: Possible bright side. Points for Qyzen, right?

BABY QYZEN: Participating in a stampede doesn't really earn points.

BABY ZENITH picks up a limp stuffed nexu and holds it out.

BABY ZENITH: Go on, tag. It's not cheating unless somebody calls you on it.

BABY ELARA, suspiciously: Are you sure you're not on Team Youthful Degenerates?

 

BABY QUINN: I'll just take front and center for the Empire.

BABY TEMPLE: Ooh, me too!

BABY QUINN: There's a flaw in that logic.

BABY TEMPLE: Oh. I'll take front and slightly to the side?

BABY QUINN: Very good. Pierce, you're a big brute, you should go in the back row.

BABY PIERCE, smiling: Works for me.

BABY TALOS: I could stand in the back. Um. Let me dig up something to stand on so they can see me.

BABY VECTOR: And we will also stand in back.

BABY TEMPLE: You're not bringing any bugs, are you?

BABY VECTOR: We could if you-

BABY TEMPLE: No.

HK-51: Objection: This unit is too advanced and valuable to be used as a stepstool!

BABY TALOS, dropping the Speak-and-spell HK-51 on the floor behind Quinn and climbing onto it: Sorry! But I'll never see over Quinn's shoulder otherwise.

HK-51: Suggestion: Move me over an inch or two so I at least show in your stupid picture.

 

T7-01: Team Sith = ready?

BABY XALEK: Yes.

BABY JAESA, wearing smudges of colored lip balm and a tattered dress: Did I ever tell you it creeps me out when you speak only two words a day?

BABY XALEK, tilting his head: No.

BABY JAESA: See? Like that.

BABY XALEK smiles behind his mask.

 

BABY RISHA: Team Youthful Degenerates!

BABY VETTE: Yeah!

BABY KALIYO: Aren't you a little harmless for a degenerate?

BABY VETTE: I can still steal stuff. And I'm not exactly anything else in the room.

BABY TANNO VIK: Joining somebody's club and then stealing things is a pretty good lifestyle. Just something to think about.

BABY BROONMARK shuffles over to plop down among the criminal children.

BABY BROONMARK: Blllorp.

BABY VETTE, eyeing the fluffy Talz: Hey, I'm not going to argue.

BABY KALIYO: Skadge, get over here.

BABY SKADGE: What's a de- di- degenerate?

BABY VETTE: You are. Come on.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: Akaavi? You haven't picked a team yet.

BABY AKAAVI: I am not a delinquent. I have my honor.

BABY ANDRONIKOS: Maybe, but we're the most fun team here.

BABY AKAAVI: I will stand with the Republic. It looks like they have a job opening after that little stampede wiped out Rusk's squad.

BABY DOC: Yes! The Republic has a critical shortage of ladies right now! - No offense, Elara.

BABY ELARA: Can we get on with it?

 

BABY THARAN, holding the little plastic pony MY LITTLE HOLIDAY: Team supergenius, with me! It's all right, I don't expect any of you to join me.

LORD SCOURGE: Go to the Republic.

BABY THARAN: But...why?

LORD SCOURGE: Because that's where your grant money comes from.

 

SCORPIO snaps holopictures of all the various groups, then brings the results up on the big holo.

SCORPIO: Analyzing...

A couple of things immediately become apparent. For one, BABY GUSS shows up in the Jedi picture, peeking out from behind BABY JAESA. Actually, BABY GUSS appears in every picture, peering from behind a different person each time.

For another thing, BABY PIERCE is making some gesture over BABY QUINN's head.

BABY PIERCE: Ha-ha! The gundark ears came through!

BABY QUINN, scowling at the picture with the composition he arranged: I could probably have planned that better.

 

T7-01: FCD pictures = remembered forever // Guss = remembered five times

BABY GUSS:

[bright_ephemera]

Announcement time! The Story and Lore forum directed me to this "fan fiction" concept just over a year ago, and I started this thread almost exactly a year ago. I've had a fantastic time sharing stories with all of you. I'm grateful for all the support and feedback and I'm especially grateful to everyone who participated in idea-bouncing, helping hatch ideas I'd never have come up with on my own.

 

That said, I've been slowly running down for a while and I feel it's time to formally close out some of my threads to free myself up for other projects in other places.

 

I think FCD is the SWTOR fanfic project I spent the most time laughing-while-writing, and I'm definitely proud that the concept Mr. Ephemera carelessly tossed at me one day turned into such a monster. I think the lesson here is this: the next time you just want to scream at your companions, remember that they, too, were once small children...and you probably would have wanted to scream at them then, too.

 

I hope you enjoyed these last few stories, thank you for reading, and may your plans always turn out as well as you expected them to!

[YoshiRaphElan]

Aww. Do we at least get a graduation day?

 

At least Guss is finally happy!

[Lesaberisa]

http://nooooooooooooooo.com/vader.jpg

 

FCD was always a reliable way to put a smile on my face (other than the fact I'd be disturbed to see SCORPIO around children!), but I'll forgive you. Maybe.

[LanaSangien]

Sorry, finally got a chance to catch up on my reading, so I'm posting a bunch of responses all at once.

 

Where did he get the morphite?

 

It was probably just pudding.

 

BABY JORGAN: Well, I don't think we can fix anything now. Hey, Akaavi, up for a game of spec ops tag?**

 

** This is much like regular tag, but with more slipping through ceiling crawlspaces, giving cryptic hand signals to one's team, and using household objects as tactical weapons.

 

Hmmm..... I'm gonna have to try that sometime. Would make babysitting soldiers and children alike MUCH more interesting.

 

(Repeatedly) T7-01: Quinn = stop rubbing it in

 

Yeah! After all, the Republic didn't take NEAR as long to rebuild as the Empire. Empire was out for how many hundred years?

 

SCORPIO: There. I have incorporated My Little Holiday's programs and subroutines into my own consciousness.

BABY THARAN: That might actually be sort of useful...

SCORPIO: You are so smart, Tharan.

BABY THARAN, preening: Oh, I know.

 

Creeeeeeepy.......

 

Announcement time! ... I feel it's time to formally close out some of my threads...

 

Gonna miss watching the toddler-versions of the SWTOR companions do.... all the crazy stuff you've been having them do. I don't doubt you'll still see an occasional reply to this thread from latecomers.

Would you mind posting links to some of the other things you're working on? I know there are some scattered around this thread, but a list of them at the end of the FCD series would be handy. That said, see you around the galaxy!

Edited July 15, 2013 by LanaSangien

[bright_ephemera]

It was probably just pudding.

 

Headcanon accepted.

 

I'm not active on any standalone fic threads at the moment; my previously completed humor pieces are Spoiler Warning: Sith Warrior Sevasht Warwiggins and There Is No Death, There Is Only Wrath. For non-wacky fic I'm a regular contributor to the Short Fic Weekly Challenge thread, which features a ton of talented authors.

[ZirusZero]

At least make one more to wrap things up.

[Damask_Rose]

So sad This thread has given me an appreciation of so many companions I didn't like before I met their preschool versions.

[marissalf]

So sad This thread has given me an appreciation of so many companions I didn't like before I met their preschool versions.

 

Agreed!

 

Also, every time I take a picture of someone now, I'm going to think of Khem's "Smile or be devoured."

[lukewaldo]

This series was hilarious, now come to think of it my HK was a Speak and Spell before. Wish we could continue this somehow, going to miss this funny series.

[Xakthul]

I probably spilled over a gallon of coffee on myself reading this thread. Beautiful, just beautiful. Edited September 11, 2013 by Xakthul

[Xakthul]

We must continue the legacy. More baby stories! Bright, this thread is absolutely awesome, and I hope that other people will help to continue it.

 

Cheers!

 

J'm

[bright_ephemera]

Ladies, gentlebeings, girls, boys, and droids! I find myself subscribing, for a little longer anyway, and so have the power to post. And for the first time in a very long time, Daycare came knocking. Here, two little one-offs. (Don’t fear, newcomers, FCD is purely episodic and requires no thread background.)

 

//

First, in honor of Trooper team spirit:

//

 

On TUESDAYS, FCD is staffed by KHEM VAL and LORD SCOURGE.

 

 

BABY KALIYO: Hey! Hey, Elara! Is there a form you can fill out for being a big dummyface?

BABY SKADGE: I think she ran out of those this morning!

BABY ELARA toddles away with all the dignity she can manage and sits down by the bookshelf.

BABY JORGAN: These guys just aren't letting up today. You okay?

BABY ELARA: It's quite all right. I'll file an MF-13 report with Mister Lord Scourge before I leave today.

BABY JORGAN: We have numbered reports for being mean?

BABY ELARA: Several, depending on severity and general subject matter.

BABY JORGAN: What I mean is, this daycare has numbered reports for that kind of thing?

BABY ELARA: ...I print and number them myself. It'll improve efficiency once the system is universally adopted.

BABY JORGAN: Well, I can't argue with your organizational skills. Hey, want to go build a Senate building out of blocks?

BABY ELARA perks up.

BABY ELARA: Can we construct it to satisfy Block Building Codes 2F through 2K?

BABY JORGAN: Uh...if it makes you happy, sure. We could send the leftover materials back Skadge's way at high speed if you want.

BABY ELARA: Jorgan! I would have to report myself! Also you.

BABY JORGAN: Just an idea.

 

///

Then, in honor of, uh, stuff:

///

 

On WEDNESDAYS, FCD is staffed by T7-01 and SCORPIO.

 

 

T7-01: Daycare = in session // children = in order

BABY RUSK: After so much time off I calculate I should be able to learn twice as fast.

BABY ASHARA: That's almost certainly not how it works.

SCORPIO: You'd be surprised.

BABY RUSK: All right, Miss SCORPIO, sir. What's the assignment?

SCORPIO: I wish to test your purported enhanced learning capability. Please organize a charge against the Imperials.

T7-01: Forced Companions = neutral territory // Republic + Imperial fights = no-no

SCORPIO: It is a purely educational exercise. While the test is conducted, perhaps you should check the roof dish for comms capability. I believe it cut out this morning.

T7-01: T7 = check it out // dish = must be fixed

T7-01 rolls out.

SCORPIO: Now. In order to avoid the appearance of favoritism we can put Ashara on the Republic side so it looks more like a randomly selected pairing.

BABY ASHARA: Wait, really?

BABY PIERCE: Hey. Fuzzball. 'Pubs are rounding up for a fight.

BABY BROONMARK: Blllorp.

BABY PIERCE: We've got this.

BABY RUSK: Master Jedi, sir.

BABY ASHARA: Is that me? Wow! That's me!

BABY RUSK: Permission to deploy stuffed animal squad as described here, sir.

BABY RUSK gestures toward the outward-facing arc of fierce-looking or just fuzzy stuffed animals.

BABY ASHARA: Sure? That looks very military. Hey, when do we start figh-

BABY PIERCE rockets out of nowhere to tackle BABY ASHARA.

BABY RUSK: Master Jedi!

BABY ASHARA and BABY RUSK get down to ferocious combat with BABY PIERCE.

BABY BROONMARK shuffles over to the far end of the stuffed animal collection.

BABY BROONMARK: Blllorp.

BABY BROONMARK whisks the nearest animal into his voluminous fur and shuffles to the next.

BABY PIERCE: For the Empire! Ha! - Ow!

BABY ASHARA: For the - uh -

BABY RUSK: Republic!

BABY ASHARA: Yeah!

BABY BROONMARK continues shuffling from stuffed animal to stuffed animal, stowing them all in his fur.

BABY ASHARA manages a respectable little burst of Force energy.

BABY RUSK: Take that!

BABY PIERCE goes down and lies in a grumbling heap.

BABY PIERCE: Jedi cheat.

BABY BROONMARK: Raaargh!

BABY RUSK whirls and sees the clear field where his stuffed animals had been.

BABY RUSK: My squad! No!

BABY BROONMARK: Blllorp.

BABY RUSK: Fall back, Master Jedi! I'll cover your retreat!

BABY BROONMARK shuffles up to BABY RUSK. A tiny fist emerges from the hairball and connects with his montral. BABY BROONMARK follows this up with several kicks while BABY RUSK yelps and ineffectually swings his toy vibrosword, the weapon he has used ever since toy blasters were banned. Eventually BABY BROONMARK gets bored and shuffles away.

BABY RUSK, muzzily: Are you all right, Master Jedi?

BABY ASHARA, from a safe distance: Yes.

BABY RUSK: Reporting eighty-seven point five percent casualties, sir.

SCORPIO looks down at BABY RUSK.

SCORPIO: It seems that despite your considerable rest, you do not learn any faster.

BABY RUSK, sullenly: As you say, Miss SCORPIO, sir.