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Thursday Morning Wrath

Doozzer

By Doozzer
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Doozzer

Doozzer

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Satele vs the Wrath... In a drinking contest. And vette would keep score.

 

Come on wrathy, I wanna see a girl's night out on the promenade.

 

all we ever do is girls night out on the promenade! my liver can't take it!

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greypilgrim

greypilgrim

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all we ever do is girls night out on the promenade! my liver can't take it!

 

Oh, come on. Just chug a big glass of juice before calling it a night and you'll be fine. My stars, if the Force can't protect you from alcohol poisoning, what good is it?

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Doozzer

Doozzer

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Oh, come on. Just chug a big glass of juice before calling it a night and you'll be fine. My stars, if the Force can't protect you from alcohol poisoning, what good is it?

 

Life advice from the woman who only dates men she gets into fist fights with.

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RepublicGurl

RepublicGurl

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Sorry, but I have a suggestion for a new one- I just love this stuff.

 

What if satele went on a "diplomatic mission" to the wrath?

Girls night out anyone? I would love to just see the conflict and seeing the wrath getting satele hammered.

 

^ Pure gold. Or, maybe even, a mention of the Hero (of Tython) being a lazy, obnoxious schmuck, and that's why Satele's tolerance with Wrath is so profound: she has to deal with such behavior herself on a regular basis. :p

 

Haha, anywho, great... er... story? I especially loved the fanfiction. Probably nearly equal to Jaesa. :rolleyes:

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Doozzer

Doozzer

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You should make a story where the Wrath gets banned for a day and everyone is just floating in a void :p

 

actually we had that story. it was the day my prepaid time card ran out and i didn't know because i didn't get any obligatory reminder email from bioware to let me know that my digital crack had run out, and I sat on the forums for an afternoon wondering why I couldn't post.

 

At first I thought my account had been suspended or something because the Wrath was way to edgy, but then I went to the account page to look for disciplinary warnings and saw that my subscription had just run dry.

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Doozzer

Doozzer

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THURSDAY MORNING FILLING STATION HOLDUP

We're wanted men, we'll strike again, but first let's have a beer!

 

 

Servant One: The Wrath went to a party for her little sister.

Servant Two: Who just hit 50.

Servant One: Wow really? That fast?

Servant Two: She's an assassin, they grow like weeds.

Servant One: How is that possible?

Servant Two: Well, there's fundamentally nothing the class can't do.

Servant One: Well, they can't charge.

Servant Two: They sprint instead.

Servant One: They don't really have a big awesome AOE spell like Death from Above or Orbital Strike to clear packs with.

Servant Two: They don't fight packs, they have stealth.

Servant One: They don't get free loot automatically.

Servant Two: That's actually true, you have to go into the preferences menu and check the little box that says "ASSASSIN MASTER RACE ROLL HACKS" in order to get the free loot.

Servant One: Wait, that can't actually exist.

Servant Two: Roll one. Find out.

 

The Wrath pulled her older sister aside in the alcove as they entered the bar. "Help me out here. So I don't look like an idiot."

 

"Huh? Why would you look like an idiot?" PE#1 asked.

 

"I don't know any of her friends. I've barely even met her. Quinn downloaded a dossier on all her cronies for me to read on the way here this morning, but..." The Wrath explained.

 

"But you didn't read it." PE#1 rolled her eyes.

 

"Well I wanted too. I mean I really did. But Quinn put Jimmy Buffett on the stereo around lunch time, and Vette and I got into a serious Margarita thing, and I've kind of spent the whole evening just trying to roll my buzz from beer to beer so I don't get a headache and I'm in no state to read." The Wrath admitted.

 

"You have a problem." PE#1 insisted.

 

"The margaritas didn't have that much tequila in them. Vette can't mix a drink to save her life." The Wrath defended.

 

"Not that. I mean listening to Jimmy Buffett." PE#1 sneered.

 

"I kind of like Jimmy. He's mellow. Besides,

. You'd like that one." The Wrath retorted.

 

"You like NASPOD too. You're like Huttese white trash." PE#1 joked.

 

"I'm white trash? As if. Our mother was a lying, gambling, drunken gold digger, and you're the only she actually raised. I saw the family photo album on the holonet. She gave birth to you on a pazaak table. You're like the white trash heiress of the family." The Wrath shot back.

 

"That'd be you. I'm not missing any teeth."

 

"I'm not missing any teeth..." The Wrath replied, confused.

 

"Not yet you're not, it was a threat." PE#1 sneered. Which was redundant, because the only time she didn't sneer was when she was cleaning her guns and couldn't sneer because she had a cleaning rod or a wire brush in her mouth.

 

"Whatever, so who does Lil Sis hang out with, a bunch of sociopaths like you?" The Wrath asked.

 

"Only half of them are sociopaths." PE#1 rolled her eyes. Yep, its an eye rolling chapter.

 

"On your ship or hers?" The Wrath asked.

 

"To be fair, both." PE#1 shrugged. "The goober in the uniform on the end there is lieutenant Drelik, from Imperial Reclamations. He's alright I guess, an excitable nerd really."

 

"Is she dating him?" The Wrath asked.

 

"Ew. No. You're the only who likes book worms. Maybe he's more your speed." PE#1 replied. "The creep on the end is one of her apprentices, Xalek. He doesn't talk a lot, so don't worry much about that. He mostly just stands there and waits."

 

"Waits for what?"

 

"Opportunities for violence."

 

"Sounds like your kind of people." The Wrath rolled her eyes. Family affair.

 

"The caramel colored hottie with the guns is her boyfriend. Space pirate. Tough guy, amateur torturer and revenge artist. Man after my own heart." PE#1 explained.

 

"Is there anyone on her crew that isn't a nutcase?" The Wrath asked.

 

"There's the Jedi, and if Darth Zash is in the giant green freak parade, she's actually pretty nice." PE#1 shrugged.

 

The Wrath looked at the blue and orange togruta woman, who she assumed to be the jedi. She was wearing an impressive scowl that was more than appropriate for a Wrath family reunion, looked rather pouty, and didn't seem to be in a mood to chat.

 

"Wait, you're telling me that giant thing that looks like a battletoad is a Darth?" The Wrath asked.

 

"Well yea. Its possessed. Its either Darth Zash or an ancient bajillion year old right-hand assassin of Tulak Hord, whichever soul is in charge at the moment." PE#1 explained.

 

"Alright, I'm sorry I asked. Is Sith Inquisitor story really that screwed up?" The Wrath asked.

 

"She spent Chapter 2 running around the galaxy talking to ghosts." PE#1 explained.

 

"Ghosts? Like with a Ouija board?" The Wrath asked incredulously.

 

"Ghosts, like

" PE#1 insisted.

 

"Whatever. Get me a beer." The Wrath shrugged and went to go greet her sister.

 

I pulled into the regular pump, I was feeling quite at ease. Rolled down the window and told the man, "fifty cents worth, please."

 

The Wrath shambled over to the booth where her little sister was, big sister behind her.

 

"Little Sis! Congrats on 50!" She shouted, and hugged her awkwardly... actually, mostly just half-drunkenly. Lil Sis had the decency to hug back.

 

Then the giant green freakish thing giggled and pinched her cheek.

"Oh just look at you!" Darth Zash said. "Why, you look close enough alike to be twins. That's so adorable! Its like I have two apprentices."

 

Then out jumped my partner with his trusty pellet gun.

"Thanks for coming Middle Sis." Lil Sis grinned. "Oh, where are my manners. This is Darth Zash, of course. For the moment. I killed her and now she's in my slave's body. Sith Sorcery."

HE SAID, "BOY THIS IS A HOLD-UP, KEEP A PUMPIN' AND DON'T RUN!"

"Quite an embarrassing little accident I assure you. You see I was going to betray her and steal her cute little youth for my own, but if I had known you two were such a matched pair, I would have tried to collect the both of you!" Darth Zash explained.

 

"Well... Thank you I guess?" The Wrath was confused.

 

Now I wish I were somewhere other than here.

 

"Don't mind her. She's always really sweet, its a little unnerving at first, coming from the Dashade, but you get used to it." The togruta explained.

 

"Oh. Thanks..."

 

"Ashara Zavros. Jedi Padawan." The togruta spat.

 

"Oh. Aren't you a little far from home for a jedi? I mean I have a jedi apprentice, I convinced her to come with me after I exposed her Master for a hypocrite and defeated him." The Wrath explained.

 

"She abducted me and then used me to lure out my Sith Ghost ancestor and feasted on his essence." Ashara huffed.

 

Down in some honky-tonk, sippin' on a beer.

 

"Oh my god! Sis! Are you really keeping this poor girl against her will? That's terrible." The Wrath gasped.

 

"She's not here against her will." Lil Sis scoffed. "She's just a bratty sub that likes to pout when I don't pay attention to her."

 

"Huh? Sub?" The Wrath asked.

 

Yes, I wish I were somewhere other than here.

 

"If she was really uncomfortable, she would have used the safe word." Lil Sis added.

 

"That's what you said last night." Ashara pouted.

 

"That's what you said last night, mistress." Lil Sis corrected. "And you didn't say the word last night either, you enjoyed every bit of it."

 

"Wait, what?" The Wrath started.

 

"There was nothing wrong with the play time! You didn't cuddle afterwards!" Ashara shot back.

 

"I am not drunk enough to be dealing with this level of weird relationship baggage right now." The Wrath mumbled.

 

"And I apologized for that and promised to make it up to you. I had no idea it meant that much to you." Lil Sis ammended. "Now be a good little slave and sit down and be quiet before the mistress loses her patience and punishes you right here before the Empire, her sisters, and everyone."

 

"You won't." Ashara pouted.

 

"You won't, mistress." Lil Sis corrected. "And I will. I will and I'll enjoy it."

 

"Please don't." The Wrath pleaded with Ashara.

 

"Huh? But you're Sith. Aren't you-" Ashara replied.

 

"I'm Light Side 5. Not into that." The Wrath answered.

 

"OH! I'm sorry..." Ashara turned a different shade of orange. She sat down.

 

"I told you she was just bratty." Lil Sis shrugged.

 

"So do you know about that Jedi temple on Corellia?" The Wrath asked.

 

"The one that fronts as a reliquary? I freakin' love that temple." Lil Sis exclaimed.

 

"Can we do shots? If this is going to be a regular thing at our family reunions, I need to get trashed." The Wrath proposed.

 

That great fillin' station holdup cost me 2 good years.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ALSO, THIS.

http://www.swtor.com/community/showthread.php?p=3848265#post3848265

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Doozzer

Doozzer

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ELSEWHERE IN THE GALAXY

the everyday life of average female player characters besides the Wrath.

 

"Alright, so we're all here then?" Lil Sis asked.

 

"Everyone that's showing up at least. Moff Broysc couldn't make it, he said something about Church's Chicken." Moff Pyron shrugged.

 

"He missed the stunning debut of my galactic terror weapon because he had a hankering for fried chicken?" Lil Sis asked, incredulously.

 

"Well, we're not actually sure. There's not a Church's from here to Korriban. Its kind of a core worlds franchise. Its a well noted fact that Moff Broysc is completely insane, we have no idea what he means when he says Church's Chicken." Moff Pyron explained.

 

"One time we found him alone in his room, wearing woman's makeup and sitting in a chair with his pants around his ankles, wearing nothing except an empty tub of fried chicken on his head." Moff Tmi added.

 

"That's the single most horrible mental image I've ever had in my head and I'm a Sith lord that rents apartment space in my brain to force ghosts." Lil Sis groaned. "Let's purge that picture of evil by firing the Silencer at this republic fleet already."

 

"Well, the Carnage is in the way, my lord." Moff Pyron observed.

 

"You know what? I don't even care. Right now all I can see in front of me is a bunch of old crazy old perverts getting randy with fast food. Just fire the damn laser and obliterate this memory from my mind figuratively and literally." Lil Sis spat.

 

"You heard the lady." Moff Pyron shrugged.

 

The Silencer fired. There was an elaborate Death Star laser sequence, followed by a cheap explosion, and the republic fleet was scattered into space wreckage.

 

"That was it? The fireworks were a little anti-climatic." Lil Sis shrugged.

 

"Well, the Republic fleet has been completely eliminated, and besides, Bioware isn't that great with apocalyptic explosions. Nobody liked the ending of Mass Effect 3." Moff Pyron explained.

 

"Eh." Lil Sis shrugged.

 

"My lord, there's still the matter of naming the ship. It's currently the Doombringer, but we thought since you mounted a super weapon on it, you might want to change the name. Doombringer is a little tired." Moff Pyron explained.

 

"I kind of like it. It's sinister." Lil Sis rebutted.

 

"Well, every other moff and sith lord in the empire likes sinister names too. Doombringer, Voidstar, Carnage, MegaDeth, all Imperial ships follow a certain naming convention. There are actually 3 ships in the fleet named Doombringer. We've pretty much run out of ideas." Moff Pyron explained.

 

"You have 3 Doombringers? Fine. Do you have any suggestions?" Lil Sis rolled her eyes.

 

"Well each moff came up with what he thought was the best name. I picked Harbinger." Moff Pyron said.

 

"I like that, its ominous." Lil Sis nodded.

 

"There are 4 Harbingers already in the imperial fleet." Moff Pyron added.

 

"I wanted to name it Pinkie Pie, after my favorite My Little Pony." Moff Tmi spoke up.

 

"That's so stupid its actually kind of funny." Lil Sis laughed.

 

"There are 12 Pinkie Pie's in the fleet. Most of them under Moff Tmi's command." Moff Pyron added.

 

Lil Sis could only sigh.

 

"Then there was Moff Broysc's idea. We didn't tell him about our little naming contest, but someone talked, and he found out about it, so he insisted his name be thrown into the hat with everyone else's." Moff Pyron explained.

 

"Do I want to hear it?" Lil Sis asked.

 

"He wanted to name the ship the **** Cancer." Moff Pyron concluded.

 

"WHAT?"

 

"As in, the ship ***** them, and then they get cancer." Moff Pyron quoted.

 

"I want to give a ship a fearsome name just like everyone else in the empire, but that's entirely innapropriate, and frankly, disgusting." The Wrath replied.

 

"Do you have a suggestion, my lord?" Moff Pyron asked.

 

"Yes. Round up all the other Doombringers and fire the Silencer at them. Problem solved. Also, all moffs from today forward are banned from naming ships." Lil Sis commanded.

 

 

MEANWHILE, IN REPUBLIC SPACE...

 

 

"JORGAN! WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING IN THE SHOWER!" Havoc1 yelled.

 

Aric Jorgan immediately came running to the bathroom, and then his eyes nearly bulged out of his head. His CO was standing there, completely naked, her only accessory the assault cannon she held pointed into the shower stall.

 

"Sir, its a... hairball, sir." Jorgan tried to reply while averting his eyes for the sake of modesty. It was improper for him to stare at his commanding officer, especially when she was doing the two things at once that a woman can do to excite a military man- be naked, and carry a gun.

 

"You have hairballs?" Havoc1 responded.

 

"I'm Cathar sir. It's a completely normal and hygienic part of our grooming rituals." Aric explained while looking the other direction. "And its no worse than that black grease you wash your hair with that stains the tile grout."

 

"That black grease is horn wax, and its a completely normal and hygienic part of ZABRAK grooming rituals, sergeant." Havoc1 rolled her eyes. "And the fact that the Senate bureaucrats failed to install stain-resistant tile in the shower per my request is only just another case on the long list of politicians stepping on the military's toes."

 

"That doesn't explain why you're naked and carrying a gun, sir." Jorgan rebutted.

 

"I'm naked because I was going to take a shower. I don't know how you Cathar do it, but for my species, it involves being nude and pouring hot water on yourself." Havoc1 sneered.

 

"Do you always shower with your weapon, sir?" Jorgan asked, thinking it was kind of hot.

 

"No. I ran and grabbed my weapon because your completely normal and hygienic grooming ritual moved. Or is it supposed to do that, sergeant?" Havoc1 asked.

 

"No, it isn't. Kill it. Kill it with fire."

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greypilgrim

greypilgrim

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"Kill it with fire" OF COURSE.

 

XD Pinkie Pie is MY favorite MLP. OF COURSE. Although Twilight Sparkle is pretty awesome, what with being purple and nerdy... but Pinkie Pie is all random and fun and zany, how can she not be the fave?

 

Hm. Maybe the ship should be named the Pinkie Pyro.

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Doozzer

Doozzer

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ELSEWHERE IN THE GALAXY...

Continuing adventures of perfectly average women.

 

 

"Probey? Probey? Hey, has anyone seen Probey?" Lil Sis asked.

 

"Are you talking to ghosts or something again?" Andronikos Revel looked concerned.

 

"Huh? No. I haven't really been doing the Patrick Swayze thing since Voss. That's resolved. I'm looking for my droid. Have you seen him?" Lil Sis explained.

 

"He's right over there. Where he always is." Revel pointed to 2V-R8.

 

"The galaxy will continue to tremble at your approach if it knows what's good for it! Maker knows I do." The droid lamented.

 

"No, not that annoying bucket of bolts. My interrogation droid. His name is Probey. He floats around and waits. And waits. And waits." Lil Sis said.

 

"You mean that little round thing that floats around about eye level and just hovers around the ship, looking like its spying on people?" Revel asked.

 

"Yea. That's Probey. Have you seen him?"

 

"That thing terrifies the **** out of me." Revel exclaimed. "What the hell is it even for?"

 

"What do you mean? He's Probey! He's like my floating little best friend! He never talks back and he never betrays me, he just floats and waits." Lil Sis sulked.

 

"He waits for what?"

 

"For us to have sex. Then he records it." Lil Sis shrugged.

 

"WHAT?" Revel's jaw nearly hit the floor.

 

"I kind of wanted to see what it looked like when we made love. And then I kind of just forgot to tell you that I programmed my interrogation droid to record us every time we were intimate." Lil Sis explained.

 

"Is there anything else you forgot that you want to tell me?" Revel asked.

 

"Yea. I programmed all my banking information into him too, so I wouldn't have to carry my purse everywhere. It seemed like a good idea at the time, Now I'm trying to make a payment on my student loan from the Sith Academy and now I can't find him."

 

"You have a student loan from the Sith Academy? Didn't they bring you there and force you through the training program as a slave?" Revel asked, incredulously.

 

"Yea. And then they charged me for it. Sith are jerks."

 

 

MEANWHILE, IN REPUBLIC SPACE...

 

 

"Alright, whose the son of a nerf herder that hid my lady-items?" Havoc1 fumed as she came into the common area from the bathroom.

 

"Excuse me?" Aric Jorgan raised an eyebrow.

 

"My personal effects. Specifically, the ones related to keeping me sane and hygienic during that one week every month when I feel more like stomping imps than usual." Havoc1 explained.

 

"I uhm... I don't go anywhere near that stuff, sir." Jorgan gulped.

 

"Do you have something you need to share sergeant? This better not be another hairball related episode of locker-room shenanigans." Havoc1 rolled her eyes.

 

"Look, I apologized for that... sir. Besides, I explained that this was the kind of difficulty we were going to run into sharing a bathroom. The BT-7 Thunderclap only has one. Its not like I chose to be born Cathar." Jorgan defended.

 

"First of all, its not the Thunderclap. That just sounds like some kind of supernatural sexually transmitted disease. She's a good ship, and her name is Nostromo." Havoc1 folded her arms.

 

"Nostromo? You mean Sigourney Weaver's ship? from Alien?" Jorgan asked.

 

"Yes, that Nostromo. My Nostromo." Havoc1 replied.

 

"Please tell me you're not one of those Aliens fanboys that signed up for commando training because you thought the assault cannon was a colonial marine smart gun." Jorgan rolled his eyes.

 

"

" Havoc1 asked.

 

"I don't understand, sir."

 

"You wouldn't. Because Aliens is great, and you don't appreciate it. But that's semantics." Havoc1 proclaimed.

 

"Semantics, sir?"

 

"Yes. Semantics. Because right now, we're in the middle of nowhere, Republic space, trapped inside this giant tin can, and I've got to stop the bleeding on a major flesh wound, if you get my drift. And if you don't get my drift, then consider this- In space, no one can hear you scream." Havoc1 explained.

 

"Are you ordering me to find your tampons, sir?" Jorgan asked.

 

"No, I'm threatening you. I don't like me when I'm PMSing. You're going to hate and fear it." Havoc1 growled.

 

"I just finished cataloging all the sundry goods on the ship sir, you can read all about it in my latest report." Sergeant Dorne strolled into the room, oblivious to the ongoing conversation.

 

"You really need to relax that discipline, Sergeant." Jorgan told her.

 

"I kind of like it. She takes care of all the paperwork so I can do all the bossing around." Havoc1 shrugged. "Dorne. Do you have any idea where my feminine items are?"

 

"I found a box of Organa Carefrees in the cabinet under the sink while I was reorganizing the bathroom sir, and replaced them with the Republic Regulation Czerka type 2 recycled uniform cotton tampons as per regulation 37-B in the grooming standard. The Carefrees and other contraband goods I liberated from throughout the ship were spaced out the airlock as per regulation 42-A of the Republic Fleet Interstellar Transit Standard." Dorne explained soberly.

 

"I take it back. Jorgan's right. You do need to relax that discipline, Sergeant." Havoc1 bit her lower lip to stifle an urge to strangle Dorne with her Legacy power. Elsewhere in the galaxy, the Wrath stirred in her sleep.

 

"Those contraband items didn't include my pocket-holo terminal, did it?" Jorgan asked.

 

"I'm afraid it did." Dorne nodded.

 

Jorgan could only sigh. A lonely soldier needed certain entertainments on long nights, and thanks to Elara Dorne, tonight would be another firewatch without a date.

 

Somewhere in space, a pocket-holo loaded with recently downloaded explicit Sith-on-Pirate amateur *********** floated through the void.

 

 

BACK ON THE SITH FURY...

 

 

"Good news and bad news, my lord." Talos Drellik informed Lil Sis.

 

"Good news first." Lil Sis rolled her eyes. She had been distraught since losing Probey.

 

"The good news is that I found Probey, and also that your student loan has been paid in full. An Imperial Reclamation Service man always finds his quarry!" Drellik exclaimed.

 

"You found Probey! Great!" Lil Sis lit up. "But... how did my student loan get paid?"

 

"The bad news is that the crime syndicate SpankHutt.com bought your amateur **** video from an anonymous source, the proceeds of which were credited to your student loan." Drellik explained.

 

"WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN AND WHAT DID YOU DO?" Lil Sis grabbed Probey out of the air and shook him.

 

Probey only floated. Probey only waited.

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Doozzer

Doozzer

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Who the hell are these new jerks? I thought I was the star?

 

We finally start talking about someone's dirty laundry that isn't yours, and now you complain?

Its not like that at all!

 

Its exactly like that, you prima donna.

 

Nuh-uh!

 

I'm not going to have this argument with you, but as long as you're here, bump the recruitment thread.

What kind of cheap shot is that? Using my fame to push your guild?

 

It's your guild too.

Oh. In that case, Sign up jerks! Come play on the Trail! We need bodies for 16 man!

 

Preferably snipers, but we'll take anyone who wants to play.

 

http://www.swtor.com/community/showthread.php?t=401777

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Yescek

Yescek

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Who the hell are these new jerks? I thought I was the star?

 

We finally start talking about someone's dirty laundry that isn't yours, and now you complain?

Its not like that at all!

 

Its exactly like that, you prima donna.

 

Nuh-uh!

 

I'm not going to have this argument with you, but as long as you're here, bump the recruitment thread.

What kind of cheap shot is that? Using my fame to push your guild?

 

It's your guild too.

Oh. In that case, Sign up jerks! Come play on the Trail! We need bodies for 16 man!

 

Preferably snipers, but we'll take anyone who wants to play.

 

http://www.swtor.com/community/showthread.php?t=401777

 

If server transfers were a thing, though I PvP far too much to be considered regular Ops material.

 

On that note, I think a chapter of the Wrath discussing PvP tactics with Quinn would end well. Jaesa and Chris could be involved as well, which reminds me that Chris is a Battlemaster..............

 

Lol, I think when you posted that I still hadn't hit BM yet, War Hero now, so would that make Chris a Conqueror?

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