Yescek Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 Swear to god i'm going to break this chair if I keep falling out of it while reading these lol. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PTElder Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I'm reading waaay too much of this at work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hatterson Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 (edited) These are downright spectacular. Jaesa being a complete freak, but still innocent so as to not understand that she's a freak, was great. I also love the scenes where the fourth wall goes up and down in the midst of the rest of the story, adds a really interesting dynamic. This has honestly made me want to begin exploring the warrior story myself. Keep up the good work! Edited March 16, 2012 by hatterson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cultiststeve Posted March 16, 2012 Share Posted March 16, 2012 I love this!. Came from redit, read it all. Very awesome stuff. I think the inquisitor little sister is very intresting. Especialy if you continue it as you play through the story and keep the updates going as you do. One thing that I thought about, is this as funny if you havent done the warrior story line? Being a light side warrior myself (male), it made it that bit more awesome. Cant wait for the next update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ArjinPax Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 I love this, I even have my wife hooked on it and she doesn't play TOR. This is trully EPIC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doozzer Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 FRIDAY EVENING BLOOD AND THUNDER What remorseless emperor commands me? Servant One: So the Wrath came back from shopping. Servant Two: Did you see what she bought? Servant One: She's a chick. She bought clothes. Servant Two: But did you see what else she bought? Servant One: No I kind of spaced out when she went into that tailor, I just figured she was getting Quinn's dress blues mended or something. You know, domestic stuff. Servant Two: So you didn't see that she went into the radioshack afterwards. Servant One: Nope. Servant Two: And came out with a gaydar for 2V-R8. Servant One: SHE DID? Servant Two: Yep. Servant One: Why would she do that? That's so immature. I mean nobody in Star Wars is supposed to be gay anyways. Servant Two: Don't you mean to be saying, "I can't wait for her to install it so we can prove once and for all that you're gay?" Servant One: No- I MEAN YES. Servant Two: Doesn't bother me. I'm comfortable with my sexuality. Servant One: So you admit that you're gay? Servant Two: I didn't say that. Do you have something you want to tell us before 2V-R8 says it for us? Servant One: No. Nothing at all. WELL WELL WELL, ISN'T THIS AN INTERESTING TWIST? Servant One: YOU NEVER KNOCK! Well obviously. Its because I always hope I walk in on you guys doing something sexy. I mean its obvious that one of you is totally repressed... Only now I'm not so sure which one it is! Servant One: Oh come on, you don't mean... Well hey, I won't judge. But a lot of people on fanfiction.com already did. Have you seen the slash fiction with you guys? Its totally hot. Servant One: SOMEBODY WROTE GAY FANFICTION? ABOUT US? Yea you should probably go find it and delete it or something. Unless you've got nothing to hide. Servant One: I HAVE TO GO NOW. Servant Two: There isn't any gay fan fiction of us, is there, Wrath? Hell, I don't know. There's gay fan fiction of everything else. I mean if he goes and looks for it, I'm sure he'll find it. Jaesa downloads a ton of that garbage. She has a whole folder of Harry and Malfoy going at it. Wouldn't surprise me. How about you narrator, you write gay fan fiction? Eh. I wouldn't call it fan fiction- More like slander. I used to run a fan fic blog back when I played WoW, and I'd pick out the top players on the alliance, and then write their characters into gay scenes to slander them. It was hilarious. All the trolls on the server were like, "Do me next! I want to be in the blog!" I was one of the bigger trolls in our server community. Even had guest writers. Really? Oh yea. As a matter of fact, THERE IS ONE PERSON THAT HAS POSTED IN THIS THREAD THAT'S READ IT. As a matter of fact, if you were following WoW fan fiction a few years ago, you've probably read one of my pieces. Was it any good? Oh, we'll never know. Because I'll never link it in this thread. But the best one was easily the 'ambush gay ****' wowrotica piece I wrote where it started out totally heterosexual, and then switched gears and next paragraph was all about serious dude on dude action. It was one of my greatest trolls. Is that what we're doing tonight? No. If I rolled your sister male instead of female we could have gone down that road, but I didn't. Torian Cadera is a little on the Light Side of the Force, if you catch my drift. He's not fooling anyone when he hits on Mako. Not with that Justin Bieber haircut and those ballet moves he does in combat. So what are we doing tonight? Well, you're getting laid. WELL THEN WHY DID WE WASTE ALL THAT TIME TALKING TO YOU? GET ON WITH IT THEN MISTER WRITER, I'M TRYING TO CATCH THE O TRAIN TO LADYTOWN. "We're home!" The Wrath shouted as she walked up the embarkation ramp. "I don't think we've walked that much since Balmorra." Vette moaned, dropping her purse on the common room table. -crunch- "What was that?" Vette asked, as Pierce suddenly had a brain hemorrhage. Picking up her bag, Vette found several pieces of tiny Dessler Turbo clinging to it. Pierce came out of the crew bunks just in time to sigh and be disappointed. "That was my Dessler Turbo, wasn't it?" "Eep." Vette squeaked. "Who has a Dessler Turbo?" The Wrath asked. "I did. 1:16 scale. Was about to paint it too." Pierce shrugged. "OHMIGAWD I'M SO SORRY" Vette cried. Pierce looked supremely troubled by the event until he made the connection that the woman that crushed his toy car was the one he was sleeping with. "Its alright. I can't stay mad at a woman who can suppress her gag reflex." Well, the way I described it was more diplomatic. Pierce doesn't have any crew skill bonus to diplomacy, narrator. Well, that's pretty obvious by now. "Where's Malavai?" The Wrath asked. "He's on duty. You know him, won't leave the bridge once he's clocked in, unless its on fire." Pierce explained. "QUINNIE-PIE, COME SEE WHAT WE BOUGHT!" The Wrath yelled. "Owch!" Jaesa replied. "I'm standing right here, Wrath! Use your goddam indoor voice!" "Oh. Sorry hun. I just have a really good feeling about tonight. Someone told me something good was going to happen." The Wrath apologized. Hey, you're only supposed to break the 4th wall when its funny, Wrath. Oh, so now I'm not funny? That's not what I meant. Shut up and highlight the text and make it pink and italicized, this is my show. Hey, remember that time you got a UTI? I've never had a UTI. WOULDN'T THAT BE AN INTERESTING PLOT TWIST? No. That would be like urinating napalm, which I imagine is more painful than awesome. Won't know until you try. Just be nice, okay? Only if it leads to me being naughty in a hot, sweaty, biblical fashion. Slow down there, hotshot. Screw that, let's skip the foreplay. Get Quinn in here. This is getting way to meta. More so than usual. Get your *** back in quotation marks or the reds will be bringing communism to your funhouse next chapter. Is that a period joke? Classy. Don't think I won't do it. You haven't delivered on that threat yet. Because Force Cramp has a 3 second cast time. There's no such spell. 3... 2... I'LL BEHAVE, I'LL BEHAVE! "Fine, this is just going to require a little more orthodox approach." The Wrath grinned a grinchy grin. "You can do an orthodox approach?" Vette asked. "Orthodox means I don't run in screaming obscenities swinging 4 feet of pink thunder and justice right and left like a lunatic, right?" The Wrath asked. "More or less." Vette shrugged. "Oh yea, I can do orthodox." The Wrath nodded. "Its just no fun, you know?" Hey Vette, get in here. Huh? Yea, I'm talking to you. Yea but you said I'm not supposed to do italicized color meta-text. Am I in trouble? No, we're gonna have some fun. Well I'm kind of with Pierce you know, I mean technically I'm not with him, we haven't talked about it but- Not that kind of fun you twit, we're gonna mess with Wrath! Huh? Why? Because I made the mistake of telling her she was going to get laid this chapter, and now its all she can think about, and now I'm crapping meta all over the story. Way to screw it up narrator- You know she has a one track mind, its either sex or the 80s with her. Which is why we're gonna mess with her. How'd she find out she was gonna get some action tonight anyways? We were talking about erotic fan fiction in the pre-story setup. You mean that weird Harry Potter gay sex stuff that Jaesa always reads? Exactly. Do I want to know? No you don't. Now are you in or are you out? I'm in. Good. Just turn on the Holo and look at what's on TV tonight. I'll handle the rest. Vette picked up the remote and turned on the holo. "Hey, I wonder what's on tonight?" "Probably a bunch of crap. It's friday night, nothing's ever on." The Wrath shrugged. "It says here is going to be on in a half hour." Vette replied. "You know, the live action 87 one, where Dolph Lundgren is He-Man." "Urghagh!" The Wrath flinched as the half of her brain devoted to 80s pop culture fired all its neurons simultaneously. "Gonna... Have... To... Tivo... It..." She struggled. "Trying... Too... Get... It... On." The half of her brain that was devoted to sex replied briefly. "And then after that, it's ." Vette mentioned. "Grrrrrrrkk!" The Wrath convulsed as the 80's half of her brain fired another salvo. Thanks Vette. No problem. Hey on your way out, bring Jaesa in here. You wanted to see me? Ooh! italicized colored meta-text! Yea, its a heavy meta chapter tonight. Am I in trouble? No, I just need you to go check that fan fiction site you always lurk. Right now? Absolutely. What's in it for me? A garbage bag full of Nora Roberts romance paperbacks. Really dirty ones, with Fabio on the cover. DEAL. "Hey Wrath, look at this!" Jaesa said. "Can't think... Right now." The Wrath twitched. "Libido... Fighting... The Dolph..." "Someone posted a slash fan fic of Pierce of Quinn making out." Jaesa indicated. Suddenly, the half of the Wrath's brain devoted to sex fired a deadly reprisal against its foes from the 80s side. "Really? That sounds hot!" The Wrath replied. "Oh hey, there's a Rob Halford interview on VH1 right now." Vette interjected. "He's talking about being gay." It was at that point that the Wrath's brain melted through her ears. Unable to actually walk or process information anymore, she did what all juggernaut players do- Tab targeted anything and pressed the charge key. Which catapulted her into the bulkhead door of her personal quarters. Lucky. "80s overload... Must... Get away... from TV... prioritize... Sex." She jerked, then closed her door behind her. Thanks girls. No problem. Any time. Several minutes went by where nothing interesting happened. Jaesa retired to the medbay, Broonmark remained suspiciously absent, and Vette sat down on the couch to file her nails, until Pierce grabbed her, pulled her into the crew bunks, and put his bag down on something of hers, leaving the TV on in the common room, where a Huttball match came on. ITS HUTTBALL NIGHT IN CANADA! The announcer shouted to no one in the room. "Captain Quinn, report immediately to my quarters for an emergency inspection. This is not a drill." The Wrath commanded over the intercom. Ooh, she's up to something. Ever the diligent soldier, Quinn went immediately to her door, which opened. A shadowy figure yanked him bodily through the portal and shut it tight behind him. "So, what do you think?" The Wrath asked him, wearing her own Imperial Navy uniform. "I picked it up when we went shopping today." "Its very... authentic." Quinn gulped, and began sweating profusely. "Now If you'll excuse me, I must return to duty..." "This is a very serious inspection, Captain." The Wrath teased. "I've never worn a Naval uniform. I need you to make sure everything is in order." "Yes... Of course... mustn't disrespect the uniform..." Quinn twitched. The Wrath threw her Softcap on the bed. "Clumsy me. Hat's part of the uniform. Wearing an incomplete uniform to an inspection. Tsk-tsk. I suppose I ought to be disciplined." The Wrath grinned. "My lord, I don't have the authority..." Quinn stammered. "Authority? This rank pin on my breast is only lieutenant. You outrank me, sir." The Wrath pleaded. Quinn went to put his hands on her shoulders, "Well, first, we must insure that your collar is stiff and properly starched..." But his hands never made it to her shoulders. He shoved her down onto the bed. "I- OOF!" The Wrath gasped as the wind was momentarily knocked out of her. She thought that Quinn looked strange standing over her, until he realized that the objects on either side of his face weren't his ears, they were her ankles. Hot. Quinn meanwhile, was in some form of uncontrolled manic sexual state, halfway between getting his trousers off and halfway between pinning her to the bed. Really hot. He seemed to be mumbling something to himself, but got louder and more pronounced as he flipped her over and tore the uniform jacket from her back. WHEN YOU SEE THE WHITE WHALE! GRAB THE BALL! THROW THE BALL! JUST DON'T KICK THE BALL, BECAUSE HUTTS DON'T HAVE FEET! The Tv outside proclaimed. BREAK YOUR BACKS AND CRACK YOUR OARS MEN! IF YOU WISH TO PREVAIL! ROTWORMS HAVE THE BALL! LET'S SEE IF THEY CAN KEEP IT! THIS IVORY LEG IS WHAT PROPELS ME! HARPOONS THRUST IN THE SKY! WATCH THOSE HAZARDS FROGDOGS! AIM DIRECTLY FOR HIS CROOKED BROW! AND LOOK HIM STRAIGHT IN THE EYE! ROTWORMS SCORE! WHITE! WHALE! HOLY! GRAIL! "Jesus Jar Jar and George Lucas. I had no idea you could make love like that." The Wrath gasped as he rolled off of her. "Captain Ahab has to get his whale." Quinn breathed. The Wrath hit him with a pillow. "Why didn't you tell me sooner you had a uniform fetish?" "I was afraid you'd think it was... weird." Quinn replied. "Are you serious?" The Wrath rolled her eyes. "That was the best sex I've had since I murdered Darth Baras. I'm wearing that uniform 3, 4 times a week." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eanelinea Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Forceful Quinn! You go, boy! And Quinn/Pierce slash? Is this real or crap ya made up? Must. Not. Check. Aff.net for them. I left HP slash fandom to play SWtOR religiously, I will not go back to slash writing, I won't. Great job! And woohoo! Quinn is the MAN! I love you, author! More! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doozzer Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Forceful Quinn! You go, boy! And Quinn/Pierce slash? Is this real or crap ya made up? Must. Not. Check. Aff.net for them. I left HP slash fandom to play SWtOR religiously, I will not go back to slash writing, I won't. Great job! And woohoo! Quinn is the MAN! I love you, author! More! Jaesa, you read that garbage. Is it real? Not telling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eanelinea Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Jaesa, just be happy the Wrath didn't turn you to the Dark Side into psychotic-**** Jaesa. I much prefer you a goody two shoes, then a 'can i cut them open and play in their entrails?' type of gal. Hey author, can you write the Wrath having a pregnancy scare? No actual babies, just want to see Wrath freak out and Quinn faint or whatever. THAT would be awesome. NO babies, just the 'omg no more sex for me....well, at least not today, tomorrow's looking good again.' lol Keep the story continuing, this is great! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeyondDimensions Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 (edited) FRIDAY EVENING BLOOD AND THUNDER Oh yea. As a matter of fact, THERE IS ONE PERSON THAT HAS POSTED IN THIS THREAD THAT'S READ IT. As a matter of fact, if you were following WoW fan fiction a few years ago, you've probably read one of my pieces. Oh, we'll never know. Because I'll never link it in this thread. But the best one was easily the 'ambush gay ****' wowrotica piece I wrote where it started out totally heterosexual, and then switched gears and next paragraph was all about serious dude on dude action. It was one of my greatest trolls. Was that permission for me to post the link or a request for me not to post the link? Edit: So I googled certain words and the second link (because the first link was clearly the link I am either supposed to or not supposed to post) was a WoW forum poster from a year ago still talking about said link. Edited March 17, 2012 by BeyondDimensions Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Achraya Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Jaesa, you read that garbage. Is it real? Not telling. It'll be real once I write it. Ahem! I love this story! I waited until I had a nice patch of time to read it all (except you post so often that it became seriously daunting to even begin. Shame!) and I was practically in tears at certain parts (and just in tears in others. Like, had to get up and walk away from the computer and sit somewhere else while I waited for the giggles to stop.) and you continue to deliver. Also, I love colored meta-text and it's only right that the lovely Jaesa's text would be a pretty light blue. On the other hand! As a Jugg player I have to say I have never just tabbed to something and charged. That's just not true. ...at all. ...you don't know me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doozzer Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Was that permission for me to post the link or a request for me not to post the link? Edit: So I googled certain words and the second link (because the first link was clearly the link I am either supposed to or not supposed to post) was a WoW forum poster from a year ago still talking about said link. That was not permission. We get pretty risque in here and I have to draw the line somewhere. I'm reasonably sure we'd get hit over the head by the EULA if we linked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doozzer Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Jaesa, just be happy the Wrath didn't turn you to the Dark Side into psychotic-**** Jaesa. I much prefer you a goody two shoes, then a 'can i cut them open and play in their entrails?' type of gal. Hey author, can you write the Wrath having a pregnancy scare? No actual babies, just want to see Wrath freak out and Quinn faint or whatever. THAT would be awesome. NO babies, just the 'omg no more sex for me....well, at least not today, tomorrow's looking good again.' lol Keep the story continuing, this is great! I think you seriously underestimate how much my parents giving me up to the Sith academy at age 6 traumatized me into hating the idea of having children of my own. I'm not exactly emboldened by the upbringing of the children she DID keep either. My womb is subject to martial law, and all trespassers will be shot. I'm on the pill, use rubbers, and Malavai is on a heavy citrus fruit and leafy green diet to make certain bedroom antics taste better. Too much information, Wrath. I disagree. Every woman should take comfort in the fact that those little babies-to-be are dying horrible deaths, immolating in stomach acid. Its one of the better parts of foreplay. Well, the boys certainly won't complain. They sure won't. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eanelinea Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Oh My Goodness! Jeez, Wrath, tmfi anyone? lol I'm married myself, in real life, so I know ALL about that. haha It was JUST an idea, woman. Pills don't always work and condoms break. Anyway, you, Wrath, go do something naughty with Quinn. =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doozzer Posted March 17, 2012 Author Share Posted March 17, 2012 Oh My Goodness! Jeez, Wrath, tmfi anyone? lol I'm married myself, in real life, so I know ALL about that. haha It was JUST an idea, woman. Pills don't always work and condoms break. Anyway, you, Wrath, go do something naughty with Quinn. =) Never enough information, girl. You'll thank me for this trick. Got it from Vette. Make your hubby eat an orange every day, with no teeth, just sucking the flesh off the rind with his mouth muscles. You'll thank me in about a week. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eanelinea Posted March 17, 2012 Share Posted March 17, 2012 Haha, thanks, Wrath. BTW, my 14th Anniversary is Tuesday. =) 15 years together, 14 married. We have a 14 yr old too and I'm 34/35 yrs. Still making you and Quinn have a wee one in my head canon. Deal with it. haha I love these, writer, you're awesome! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doozzer Posted March 18, 2012 Author Share Posted March 18, 2012 (edited) Haha, thanks, Wrath. BTW, my 14th Anniversary is Tuesday. =) 15 years together, 14 married. We have a 14 yr old too and I'm 34/35 yrs. Still making you and Quinn have a wee one in my head canon. Deal with it. haha I love these, writer, you're awesome! Holy crap does nobody date anymore? 15 years and only one of them was pre-diapers? Now Wrath, just because its not your lifestyle, doesn't mean its an invalid decision. Actually, I'm the Emperor's Wrath. I make the rules, and unless the Emperor himself or the Dark Council cries about it, its law. The Dark Council has opposed every law you made since you proposed the edict to rename the days of the week after Judas Priest band members. I only wrote that law because Darth Marr wrote a proposal to rename the days of the week after Journey band members, and I hate Journey. They only have one goddam good song, and it sure as hell isn't DONT STOP BELIEVIN. Well, I don't disagree with you on that one. Foreigner is way better than Journey. Damn right. NOW HEAR MY DECREE! THE WRATH COMMANDS THAT ALL CHILDREN, STARTING AT THE AGE OF 13, BE LOCKED INTO BASEMENTS UNTIL THEIR 18TH BIRTHDAYS. THAT INCLUDES YOU EANELINEA, THROW THAT BRAT IN THE BRIG. Got something to say about that, narrator? Actually I completely agree with that one. I've been a teacher. teenagers are *********** rotten. Edited March 18, 2012 by Doozzer Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yescek Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 I keep having this idea in my head where your Wrath stumbles into a situations at odds with another player's Wrath and **** goes down. Of course, then again, in my idea the collateral damage consists of half of Kaas City getting leveled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaytahn Posted March 18, 2012 Share Posted March 18, 2012 Thank you for the truly enjoyable story. You've inspired me to pick up my juggernaut again, and don't worry she's only dating Mal too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doozzer Posted March 19, 2012 Author Share Posted March 19, 2012 i just married malavai ingame to affection cap him for crew skills and I was cringing when I hit the 'marry me' key. The Wrath would not have approved, she'll never marry Quinn until she's satisfied she's more important to him than his job. which might never happen. EXPECT NEW CHAPTERS WITH EVEN MORE GAY JOKES, COMING SOON. Oh yea, we're totally doing it. The new plot arc is going to be "girls reading slash fiction" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DarthRamette Posted March 19, 2012 Share Posted March 19, 2012 My take on Malavai is he is all formal while in uniform but a freak outside of it. I mean in his early days in the Imperial Navy he had to have some wild nights, or is that just me? I know what Quinn is giving my Juggy for her 34th b-day tonight in SW lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eanelinea Posted March 20, 2012 Share Posted March 20, 2012 Yeah my Sith Jugg is now the Emperor's Wrath also and now a Darth and she's 47. Gotta love getting help with Class Quests. Quinn is so showing her how happy she made him. =D Hey, writer? I'm dying of impatience here. >.< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doozzer Posted March 20, 2012 Author Share Posted March 20, 2012 Yeah my Sith Jugg is now the Emperor's Wrath also and now a Darth and she's 47. Gotta love getting help with Class Quests. Quinn is so showing her how happy she made him. =D Hey, writer? I'm dying of impatience here. >.< my, aren't we high maintenance? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eanelinea Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 I'm not, but my Sith War is. =p Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdmiralMalice Posted March 21, 2012 Share Posted March 21, 2012 Thank you Doozzer, I came across this for the first time today, and I must say that its a work of genius. I havent laughed so much over a story for ages. Love the style of writing and looking forward for the next installment. 5 stars Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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