Riggam Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 Hey all, This is just meant as a joke. Any relation to people living or dead is completely by coincidence and is not intended. Myself included. Complaint: OMG PvP brackets are going to ruin this game. No community, no accountability. Translation: I played this game like a f'ing job to get to 50 so I could pwn noobs and so did all the other 50's complaining. How dare you take my epeen enlarger away, mom. Complaint: Healers get screwed in PvP medals. Translation: I like to help people and want credit for that. Why do doctor's get paid less than the star athletes? Complaint: Tracer missile is for newb **** *** BBQ it pwns too hard. Translation: A spammable, auto-facing nuke that takes 0 skill to use on the god-mode class is a little crazy. Maybe we can tone down the damage of it and buff its secondary or some other abilities? Complaint: Holy crap on a cracker I just got 2 shot by an Ops/Scound Translation: Holy crap on a cracker I just got 2 shot by an Ops/Scound Complaint: Premades in PvP are ruining this game! Translation: Whoa, I need to make friends in a game? That's why I hide here from the real world. Complaint: I need a LFG system **** every other mmo has one! Translation: Whoa, I need to make friends in a game? That's why I hide here from the real world. Complaint: BIOWARE I WANT DUALSPEC OR I'M GONNA TAKE MY MARBLES AND LEAVE! Translation: I have no marbles in my cranium, or below. I am less than a month into a game and am already tirading like a spoiled brat. I am way way too used to getting everything I want and levelling another character is out of the question. I mean, it takes a whole few days /played to hit 50. Complaint: *** I opened this bag and didn't get a full set of gear fall out onto my hot, sweaty, naked toon body? RNG IS THE GAYSOR! Translation: RNG is only cool when it lets you 2 shot someone. Then it is awesome /hump corpse. Complaint: NEED IMMEDIATE BIOWARE ATTENTION ZOMGS!!!! Translation: How many of me does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. I stand there and the world should revolve around me. Complaint: My crafting profession sucks! Nerf Biochem! Translation: Not everyone is a hippy treehugger. Look, if I wanna make freakin blaster parts or some ****** armor, why can't I? Complaint: This game is single player. No one wants to group or do anything. There is like no one on. Translation: I am completely illiterate and hate reading those damn subtitles. WHY DOES EVERYONE SPEAK ALIEN? HOW DID THEY GET INTO THE US? I want to run flashpoints all the way to 50 then make threads saying, **** this game has no plot! Complaint: **** BW you totally like the empire better. Seriously did they force choke you into submission or something? Republic is stupid looking and the animations are bad and broken. Translation: Most of us play games to be bad. I can't tell my boss that I'm going to force choke the sh@# out of him if he doesn't get outta my face, but I can kill that sob on hoth that didn't have it coming, then find the wild tauntaun and gut it just to be a poacher. THEN NOT PAY THE FINE!!! Complaint: I'M QUITTING!!!!!!!!111111ONEONEONE Translation: Please, pay attention to me so I stop cutting myself. A normal person just leaves. A smart person finds someone in charge, and creates a well worded and thought out list of compaints. A nutball complains about the game, unsubs, then hangs around the forums seeing what people think about his tantrum. Can you get a restraining order to stay 5 pages away from a forum? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhombulos Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I enjoyed this thread. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Roguetrooperz Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) Ok i nearly wet myself laughing OP you are a god /salute Edited January 12, 2012 by Roguetrooperz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tindin Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 +1 great read ty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seeded_Rancor Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 i must say i lol'd a bit at this nice one ... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThreeToedSloth Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 That was cute Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kashaan Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 (edited) Some of these are pretty funny. But I think there were a couple of mis-translations I'd like to address: Complaint: Premades in PvP are ruining this game! Translation: Whoa, I need to make friends in a game? That's why I hide here from the real world. Re-translation: Not having a premade bracket is causing me to get steamrolled by groups on vent/skype, when there should be a solo queue. Complaint: BIOWARE I WANT DUALSPEC OR I'M GONNA TAKE MY MARBLES AND LEAVE! Translation: I have no marbles in my cranium, or below. I am less than a month into a game and am already tirading like a spoiled brat. I am way way too used to getting everything I want and levelling another character is out of the question. I mean, it takes a whole few days /played to hit 50. Re-translation: I'm an impatient brat that can't read when they said that Dual spec will be something they're adding. But because I'm part of the "I want it now" generation, I feel I need to throw a temper-tantrum. Edited January 12, 2012 by Kashaan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LogicalPremise Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I hope this doesn't get locked, because it's hilarious. Surely we can have one humor thread, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhombulos Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 I hope this doesn't get locked, because it's hilarious. Surely we can have one humor thread, right? I agree! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErikModi Posted January 12, 2012 Share Posted January 12, 2012 A few more: Complaint: Why are purple lightsabers impossible to get! Translation: I'd like some reasonable data on how to acquire a purple color crystal for my weapon, because I like the way it looks. Complaint: Give my purple crystal or I quit! Translation: I wanna be Mace Windu, gimme my purple crystal! Complaint: Purple crystals are in the game, you have to go to Hoth. Translation: Because I identify as a heterosexual male, I refuse to admit that "magenta" exists, and will continue to confuse everyone by calling "magenta" "purple" because I'm afraid if I type the word "magenta," I'll turn gay. Complaint: Purple crystals should stay rare, because the lore says so! Translation: I don't want to see a bunch of Mace Windu's running around, so I'll do my best to keep them out of the game, using my dubious interpretation of lore to back it up. ((Sorry, the whole purple color debate is a bit close to my own heart.)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Riggam Posted January 21, 2012 Author Share Posted January 21, 2012 Still just goofing around a bit. Don't take it serious at all, I just needed a break from homework. Complaint: Ok so scound/ops are now TOTALLY USELESS. I might as well just stick my head in a toilet myself cuz all this game has for me now is swirlies. Translation: Look, I rolled the OP class to wreck face before people realized that I am actually totally insecure in life and fail at everything. I WILL NOT FAIL AT BEING OP! Now you make me actually have to work? I don't play games to work, I play to kick noobie *** with the fotm. Geez! Now I'm gonna have to reroll one of every class and figure out who the next fotm is instead of learning the other 20 buttons I have. Complaint: Ok seriouslies I have opened like 100000000 bags and my hot sweaty body is still not glistening with the armor of 2 shotting'ness. Translation: I have played this game against my will chained in a basement for a slave driving madman who won't let me go until I get him his gear. Dear "deity", please let tomorrow be my last day of eating cabbage soup and him telling me to rub the lotion on the skin. I am so lotioned up I slipped off my chair when I sat down last time and haven't plaintstopped sliding. Thank goodness for tablets and wi-fi or I could never post this. Complaint: Endgame is so boring. There is nothing for us to do. For reals bioware I needs me something to do. Translation: Last year I had an accident. While playing at my computer I heard the strangest sound come from outside, like a child yelling in sheer and unadulterated panic. In my haste to spring to my feet I forgot that old adage of "every action has an equal reaction" and I accidentally pushed my own buttox down so hard I fused the chair and my bottom together. I can't go outside, and I can't leave my computer. Second life became weird when I found out my wife was really a dude and the pool in the backyard was really an extension of his own blubber. Please, please give me more to do. I don't care if I have to solo it because all my friends started calling me "chair-can't" when I replied no, I can't come out. I think I'm "chair-CAN"! Complaint: SWTOR is already dying!!! APOCALYPTICAL PROPORTIONS!!!! Translation: The glass is not half full. It isn't even half empty. That sob is just sitting there mocking me. "Oh sure," it says as it glistens with refracted sunlight, offering me hopes and dreams to come through indoor rainbows (a miracle I say!), "you can drink me, but then it's all gone. What then?" Complaint: Where the crap is Manrick's wife? Srsly! Translation: Uh.... Complaint: Holy Pooperdinkly this guy is hacking!!! Translation: Holy Pooperdinkly why didn't I think of that? Complaint: **** THE DEVS LIKE EMP BETTER AND I HAS PROOFS!!!! Translation: I actually have no joke for this, the statement itself is just too stupid. A game company would really design a game and purposely make half of it worse? Really? Just wow. Complaint: Why can't I seduce my companion? Translation: Ok, so I played through like 10 levels. I got to pick my specialty, and that was wicked. I was so pumped when I got to the planet, and then I see in general that I get a SHIP? HOLY POOPERDINKLY. So I rush it asap and even get a higher level to help me out. I get my ship and walk on board and what do I see? THE SEXIEST ROBOT I'VE EVER MET! I mean really, you guys must have gone to some dark places on the internet to design this guy. And how in the hell is this game only rated anything less than R when sir sexy buns is running around naked? Then I tries to gets my sexy on (I'm bringing sexy back as a dude in a dress) and I find out he can't be charmed? omg /fail /unsub Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Casualdeath Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 100% awesomeness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ielaz Posted January 21, 2012 Share Posted January 21, 2012 Complaint: Ok seriouslies I have opened like 100000000 bags and my hot sweaty body is still not glistening with the armor of 2 shotting'ness. Translation: I have played this game against my will chained in a basement for a slave driving madman who won't let me go until I get him his gear. Dear "deity", please let tomorrow be my last day of eating cabbage soup and him telling me to rub the lotion on the skin. I am so lotioned up I slipped off my chair when I sat down last time and haven't plaintstopped sliding. Thank goodness for tablets and wi-fi or I could never post this. HAHAHAHHAHAHAHHA you made my day sir good job xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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