Tips for fitting in?

[Fezzie]

One of the hardest lessons in life, whether you have disabilities or not, is to not take things personally. It's a hard one to get down, but learning this lesson will help you in growing as a person you want to be.

 

There is a lot of great information, tips, and experience in this thread. It is so refreshing to see OUR community come together and show their heart.

[Jonoku]

There are many immature kids and grammar nazis in the game but the best u can is ignore them or just find a way to counter troll them. I understand the situation your in, just find a guild thats mature and friendly and you'll fit in with them fine. The first time I played games I experienced this issue as well but from a previous post yes I learned to not take things personally, so really all these immature kids comments shouldn't be taken seriously. Edited June 28, 2012 by Jonoku

[Xiahoufig]

As others said, there are a lot of people out there who like to bring others down just to feel better, but there's also the same amount of people who act the opposite. Your ignore list can help you filter out the trolls and other riffraff and with the added bonus of automatically filtering them out if you ever use the random group tool.

[Grihm]

I have bipolar and social anxiety so I never fit in.

I'm officially disabled and getting on disability so now the Internet will be

My only social outlet cuz I had to move to parents in another state

 

What are some tips to fit in? People are so mean to me online, if I ask

A question on fleet everyone just makes fun of me

If I say Anything in a chat room people are like "who said you could talk?"

 

I won't say everyone cuz there's some nice peep who have helped me

But seems like majortith people don't like me.

 

So how can I make them like me? I notice they rip on my spelling so I'm working on that.

But if I ask any question about the game I get ripped on so should I just find out stuff on my own? I like

To know what others are doing though.

Also I love chatting because i get so lonely irl

But whenever I say anything people are like "we didn't ask..."

 

I play Mmos to socialize and everyone irl hates me and i guess online too

I always knew I was not meant for this world, but I just

Can believe my curse even extends online!

Isn't I had enough I lost everything, do I have to suffer in my favorite game?

 

You should be proud of who you are and that you share your situation like this with us all. That shows character and a mature way of life. Do not worry about those "players" that give you a hard time. It´s just empty words from disrespectful individuals that knows no better.

 

One word... Karma.

 

I say keep at it bud, and don´t worry about the spelling or whatever it may be. Also...since you love chatting and socializing like that...try applying for a RP ( Roleplaying ) guild.

 

With your situation in mind ( My girlfriend is Bipolar so i understand how you feel ) i would recommend you play with the idea that your character might be having the same personality as yourself and that reflects in your play-style. A chatty person that likes company and getting to know new people. If your spelling is a big concern, do what others have done. Just keep going. You speak like that, and what´s wrong with it? It´s like dialects in a way.

 

Last but not least.... We got your back bud, and you also got an official response from a representative!

In this game you are more than welcome.

 

May the force be with you...and enjoy your gaming!

[Darbon]

Just reading through this thread gives you hope and confidence that there's a lot of nice people playing the game. Hopefully the OP will get to read these great replies.

 

Thanks to the people who conributed to this nice thread.

[CygnusMX]

You fit in.

You just dont fit in with undesireable individuals.

[OdanBaruq]

I responded in this thread a while back, it was nice to see I wasn't alone here. Unfortunately I made the attempt to join a large guild, they seemed nice, decent people. had lot anxiety though and fears and difficulty handling things. Unfortunatly I have been removed form the guild. The issues had got to be to much for some members,, I can;t entirely blame them but it leavesme feeling like there is little hope. I never intended any harm to anyone, I know I struggled with how to explress things... and some stuff said upset me. and i said some things that upset others, though unintended

 

I didn't want to make people feel they had to push me away, kick me out. Having a hard time dealing with this though been slowly calming I am currently guildless though have a few remaining friends who still hang with me a bit. I'm not sure if I want to find another guild. I know some the parts of the game wish could enjoy I can;t without a group to do this.

 

It;s somewhat peaceful no longer distracted by chatter or fears in a guild, being able focus on alts. But it;s also limiting. I am not sure I should putting this out here. I guess I wish could find a guild can do this stuff with, ops, endgame stuff. willing answer questions. Friendly people who might not mind I talk a bit much to... Not always sure on all the humor either though I like to crack jokes as well. Not always sure about the right timing for such things though. But knowing I may have my off days I am struggling and if I am irritable not as well in control as i wish I would be it is not any ill intent to anyone.... wish could find a place I didn't feel belittled and put down by someone, could find confidence is very difficult.

 

Am I stuck to be guildless? Should I look for another and risk stressing out and being hurt again by being thrown out, abandoned? It i already difficult to feel comfortable in a group and not feel like someone will be upset and toss me out or not want me around. I don;t want to keep this going over and over... i know I have issues I am struggling and trying work on these. I know I can't promise to not get frustrated, to not be afraid. People act like it;s easy and should just be able to go do this and be better. I am struggling to even use the tools to do better. Makes me feel hopeless... I want to enjoy the game. Is there any place for me here though? Is it even possible to?

 

Should i try looking for another guild? should i just stay solo and try work with the friends have made and who don't shun me? It;s been almost a week since removed from their guild I am not even sure if am ready to join another yet... but wonder if I should. Is there any who would be welcoming? Am afraid of getting kicked out again... or becoming overwhelmed and not doing well. I was removed without even warning, wasn't even online had gone off to take break and cool down. Maybe one who least hear me out before shutting me out?

 

I am on Ebon Hawk server btw... Have two 50's rep side a gunslinger and guardian, and two lower level characters on imperial side. All currently guildless... Any thoughts?

Edited August 31, 2012 by OdanBaruq

[gizgizmo]

I know our guild will happily accept u and answer ur questions joke around but it's a shame ur on Ebon Hawk cause we have a Republic and Imp Guild on Dalborra in the oceanic servers.

 

And I am not bothered by the large amount of talking I work in a call center so I enjoy the long random talks. If u ever decide to transfer over to Dalborra send me a private MSG here or a whisper in game.

[Leiralei]

You fit in.

You just dont fit in with undesireable individuals.

 

This.

 

Don't let the trolls get you down.

 

I'm currently guildhopping on my leftover character (leftover because server transfers didn't allow merging my legacies) trying to find something that fits It's a daunting process and don't feel bad if it's not easy!

 

I have a similar problem in that I'm disabled in real life, so it's tough to go out and meet people when I can barely go out for my groceries. Relying on online interactions makes basic friendship really tough.

 

Studies have shown that many normal people, when online, show signs of a lack of empathy, because most empathy is built from unconscious cues such as facial expressions. You're more likely to get in a fight online for saying the same thing as offline, because the emotions and humour don't come across in text, then empathy goes away. A lot of people simply feel that online interactions aren't with "real people" and then whatever issues they have treating others with respect and decency come into play to a much larger degree than offline life.

 

In one guild I made some joke about the maturity level of a guildie (due to some very immature and distracting conversation she was having with another guildie in guild chat), and it turned out that it was a teenager with a chip on her shoulder about her age. Because it was in text and I was unable to know the context (I had no clue she was really that young), and she was unable to see that it was a joke due to my tone of voice and body language, she took huge offense and I had to leave the guild over it.

 

Online interactions are tough for regular people too, don't let people tell you it's easy. If you are struggling with issues yourself then it's only going to get harder.

 

Congrats for speaking up and reaching out.

[SveinEternity]

This.

 

Don't let the trolls get you down.

 

I'm currently guildhopping on my leftover character (leftover because server transfers didn't allow merging my legacies) trying to find something that fits It's a daunting process and don't feel bad if it's not easy!

 

I have a similar problem in that I'm disabled in real life, so it's tough to go out and meet people when I can barely go out for my groceries. Relying on online interactions makes basic friendship really tough.

 

Studies have shown that many normal people, when online, show signs of a lack of empathy, because most empathy is built from unconscious cues such as facial expressions. You're more likely to get in a fight online for saying the same thing as offline, because the emotions and humour don't come across in text, then empathy goes away. A lot of people simply feel that online interactions aren't with "real people" and then whatever issues they have treating others with respect and decency come into play to a much larger degree than offline life.

 

In one guild I made some joke about the maturity level of a guildie (due to some very immature and distracting conversation she was having with another guildie in guild chat), and it turned out that it was a teenager with a chip on her shoulder about her age. Because it was in text and I was unable to know the context (I had no clue she was really that young), and she was unable to see that it was a joke due to my tone of voice and body language, she took huge offense and I had to leave the guild over it.

 

Online interactions are tough for regular people too, don't let people tell you it's easy. If you are struggling with issues yourself then it's only going to get harder.

 

Congrats for speaking up and reaching out.

 

Hit it right on the head.

 

Don't worry ignore the trolls and stuff and you'll be fine.

[TheBBP]

I have bipolar and social anxiety so I never fit in.

I'm officially disabled and getting on disability so now the Internet will be

My only social outlet cuz I had to move to parents in another state

 

What are some tips to fit in? People are so mean to me online, if I ask

A question on fleet everyone just makes fun of me

If I say Anything in a chat room people are like "who said you could talk?"

 

I won't say everyone cuz there's some nice peep who have helped me

But seems like majortith people don't like me.

 

So how can I make them like me? I notice they rip on my spelling so I'm working on that.

But if I ask any question about the game I get ripped on so should I just find out stuff on my own? I like

To know what others are doing though.

Also I love chatting because i get so lonely irl

But whenever I say anything people are like "we didn't ask..."

 

I play Mmos to socialize and everyone irl hates me and i guess online too

I always knew I was not meant for this world, but I just

Can believe my curse even extends online!

Isn't I had enough I lost everything, do I have to suffer in my favorite game?

 

Be courteous, polite and helpful when you can. Folks will respond positively and you will make friends. Your real life issues do not even need to be a part of it if you don't want to be. The cool thing about the internet is that you can be anyone you want to be, none of us would know the wiser.

 

Think of the person you want to be, be that.

[Kalabakk]

Just when I think this game is full of jerks and self-important immature people, I read the responses to a thread like this and it restores my faith in the community. Kudos to all the positive responses and thank you for showing the OP and the rest of us that there are mature players to be found.

 

To the OP, like so many others have said, just be yourself. If you have to change who you are just to make someone your friend, then you are doing yourself a disservice. If they can't accept you as you are, then do you really want them as a friend? As long as you let people know that you may have some difficulties playing or keeping up, the decent people will be just fine with that.

[Elyx]

I agree fully with what one of the posters said: don't try to fit in. You're different, embrace that and be yourself. MMOs seem to be a gathering place for people with a wide variety of so-called mental disorders, from depression (myself) to autism to schizophrenia. One of my best friends ingame (for years already, we came over together from WoW), is an autist.

 

The reason he likes me so much, is that I treat him no different than anyone else. I don't put up with him if he's being annoying or obnoxious, I just tell him flat out. I do make allowances for his condition. I am mindful of the fact that he doesn't get sarcasm (unfortunately, my usual MO), which doesn't mean I'm not sarcastic towards him, I just realize he probably won't get it. It does make for very funny conversations sometimes, he's so Sheldonesk. I am also mindful of his unending chattyness, however, if it gets on my nerves, I tell him in no uncertain words to shut up. Which he does... for like 5 mins, lol. Maybe the most important thing I'm mindful of, is that he doesn't get subtle hints. I hardly ever beat around the bush, but with him I tend to be outright blunt. He appreciates all that, because, as he says himself, he may lack some people skills by nature, but he's working hard to acquire them by nurture.

 

The reason I like him so much, is that he's highly intelligent, funny as hell (sometimes unintentionally) and a very loyal friend. He also made me realize that I shouldn't take my own (rather good) people skills for granted

 

Wonderful post Sauska. It is a good reminder that people who have emotional/behavioral disorders are still people, and we need to treat them as such. They can also be some of the most amazing people you'll ever meet.

 

To the OP: I remember my first day in Boot camp in the Navy. I had gotten 3 hours of sleep (they keep you up late the night before on purpose). and I was woken up by a garbage can being kicked down the center aisle of the little room we were bunked in. After the crazy abrupt awakening, they drug us down to a room full of boxes, and shoved a bunch of recruit gear at us, and told us to change, and gave us a box to mail our stuff (all of it) back to our parents, or they would burn it. our choice.)

 

After that we all got our heads shaved, and next thing you knew, a bunch of ragtag kids were standing in line in blue sweats and shaved heads (my head certainly looks weird shaved!) while a drill instructor hollered at us.

 

But one thing stuck out clearly. after your typical movie type yelling session, the instructor turned to us and said, "I am her to train the soldier in you. Nothing I do is personal, and you need to remember that. It will save your hide." my buddy and I made sure we remembered that. It ended up being the one thing that allowed me to survive in there. the people that didn't make it, bar none, were the ones that took everything that was happening to them personally.

 

So how in the world does this impact you in a game? well, you have to understand how the internet jerkwad theory works.

 

Penny Arcade's version of the Jerkwad Theory

 

Scuze the language. Here's the way you have to see it. Those people are victims of the GIFT (acrony for the link above). they get online, and forget that there's another person with real feelings on the other side of that link. many of them would not act the same way in person.

 

This doesn't excuse their actions, but it explains them. so basically...don't get emotionally invested in the people that spam chat cause their PvP players and are bored waiting for their next PvP match. The people you want to get involved with are those that you find in your guild, when you choose one. Choose one that is relaxed, a leveling guild or perhaps a family friendly guild (FF guilds will often have a much more open approach to the game then a hard progression guild). Find people that enjoy spending time in game with you, and those are the peeps that you want to pay attention to.

 

Ignore the rest. And if you get a weird or bad response in chat, just reply with "thank you for showing how GIFTed you are!" ignore them, and move along. the nice thing about ignore, is you never have to see them type again.

Edited September 2, 2012 by Elyx