Reno_Tarshil Posted May 24, 2012 Share Posted May 24, 2012 DISCLAIMER: This is a parody based on the SNL GOP Debate skit they did on the Republican Debates. All Credit goes to SNL for the material. http://www.mediaite.com/tv/snl-premiere-the-7th-or-8th-longest-gop-debate-with-host-shepard-smith/ Link provided for the Skit itself. Announcer: And now live from the Citadel on Dromund Kaas, it's either the 7th or 8th Sith Emperor GOP debate. Now welcome your debate moderator from Imperial Intelligence... Cipher Nine! Audience Cheers! Cipher Nine: Good Evening I'm Cipher Nine and I come from a organization full of secrets. I'd like to begin by apologizing for responses by the audience in the previous 3 debates who booed a Soldier, Cheered Execution, and applauded the death of an uninsured man it was in appropriate. We'd also like to applaud for the late start tonight, there was 6 starship pileup on hyperspace lane 20 that burst into flames. Audience applauds. Cipher Nine: Tonight's debate is between Darth Malgus and Darth Jadus. There are also 6 other people who will never be Emperor but showed up anyways. Their names are Darth Serevin, Darth Vowrawn, Darth Skotia, Darth Decimus, Lord Zash, and Darth Baras. Now before we begin we had complaints that our sound effect marking the end of a Darth's time sounded too close to a lightsaber and therefor were making Rakghouls at home go crazy, so we changed the sound to this: Sound of a Ignited Double-Sided Lightsaber is heard. Cipher Nine: Darth Jadus we'll begin with you. A mere 3 weeks ago you were the darling of Imperial Intelligence but now after faking your own death have given your supporters doubt. My Question is can you speak for 10 seconds without alienating your base? Darth Jadus: Now Imperial intelligence needs to know that Darth Jadus stands within 110%. I believe we need to lower the Sith Empire tax rate, I believe we need fewer regulations and I believe all 10 year old sith pureblood girls should be vaccinated for HPV so they can enter into meaningful sexual relationships. Audience Boos! Darth Jadus: No? Alright try again, Darth Jadus consistent! Uhh I believe social security is a ponsi scheme, I believe we need to build a fence to keep the illegal alien races out. However should any alien races get through and have children here, I think we should enslave them and pay for their education. Audience Boos! Darth Jadus: No!? Do over! Do Over! Darth Jadus only listens to two people, The Emperor and Master Shan of the Jedi Counsel. Audience Boos! Darth Jadus: No? No!? Dang. Cipher Nine: Darth Malgus, despite currently polling second in the polls voters still can't seem to connect to you tell us who is Darth Malgus? Darth Malgus: Well I'd like to start by saying I know things have gotten pretty heated by Darth Jadus and I in the previous debates and I just wanna thank him for not playing the Twilek card, I know it's there and I know it's tempting. Darth Jadus: Oh I'm gonna do it real soon, just you wait! Darth Malgus: Now Look Darth Malgus may not be the perfect candidate for Emperor but he's the perfect candidate in comparison to the other candidates. Next to Darth Jadus I'm a centrist. Next to Lord Zash, I'm a private planet businessman. Next to Darth Baras, I have a normal human sized head. Next to Darth Vowrawn, well I'm the Fonz. And next to Darth Skotia, (whispers) I'm not a machine. Now Next to Darth Serevin it gets tricky, because we're diplomats and wear similar outfits but I think compare favorably to him because I didnt spend the last two years in Voss, Darth Serevin: Now, now see I resent that Malgus. My time as ambassador to Voss is an asset but it does not define me. I understand Voss Economy, I understand lil bit Voss Culture. You want lil bit Voss History?? Yea yea okay! Maybe some Voss-Empire relation maybe? Hold please, NI HAO! NI HAO MA! WHOSE THE MAN IN CHARGE!? Aye yah... Okay I read back 1: Voss Economy! 2: Lil bit Voss culture. 3: Voss History 4: Scallion Pancake 5: Darth Ser, Darth Serevin good Emperor 2012! How you pay!? Cipher Nine: Now sadly we have to ask questions to candidates who can't and won't win, but we promise to get back to Darth Malgus and Darth Jadus as soon as possible, gentlemen do you accept our apology? Darth Jadus: That's alright. Darth Malgus: Nah we good. Cipher Nine: Darth Baras... I'm calling your bluff. Do you really want to be Emperor? Darth Baras: ..... Nooooo. Cipher Nine: Would you like to leave now and beat the rush out of the spaceport? Darth Baras: ..... Thank you! Darth Baras leaves high fiving Darth Skotia on his way out. Cipher Nine: Darth Decimus, you seem confused and flabbergasted by modern day space life. Darth Decimus: Yea uh huh! You might say that.. Cipher Nine: Seems like if there were a time and place in history that best fit your values it would likely be the battle over Malachor V, 300 years ago. Darth Decimus: sounds right.. I'm sorry what's the question? Cipher Nine: Why stick your neck out and run for Emperor lil guy? Darth Decimus: This Empire is headed into a S-s-scary direction, okay? Just yesterday I read a statistic, that Half, HALF of all Slave revolts end in sweatpants! Cipher Nine: I believe you read that on a billboard for the new EBC comedy "Vette". Darth Decimus: Did I do wrong?? Cipher Nine: You did. Lord Zash. Lord Zash: You know you want it. Cipher Nine: You were an early leader in the polls, but then your numbers dipped when Newsweek showed a picture of your face. Lord Zash: That's correct. Cipher Nine: Thursday's Debate you said you believe Servants of the Empire should pay no taxes at all. How would that work? Lord Zash: Cipher, I believe not paying taxes can help us return to the empire I love. Not the Empire of Darth Revan, not the Empire of the founding Dark Lords of the Sith, but rather the Empire in which feral bands of Rakghouls lived on Taris never worrying that the Republic was gonna come and still their leaves or infringe on their right to kill. That's my Empire. Cipher Nine: And how do you rebound from your falling poll numbers? Lord Zash: Cipher, I'm persistant and when I want something I won't take no for an answer. Take for instance when I first met my apprentice. We were both at the Sith Academy on Korriban and I saw him in the Hallway returning from his trials after being lured to his death. Smitten I asked him to be my apprentice over a Hot water and Lemon. He said "Ms. Thang, here's a credit buy yourself a clue." but I wouldn't give up. In closing: Fences, The Emperor, papilloma, eyeballs" :^D Cipher Nine: Jeepers Creepers, those are some spooky *** peepers. Moving on Darth Skotia. Darth Skotia: Who? Cipher Nine: Darth Skotia, your only experience is serving as CEO of Darth Pizza. How does running a Pizza chain equate to running an Empire? Darth Skotia: Well Cipher, the one constant throughout the years has been Pizza. The Empire has rolled by like an army of steamrollers but Pizza has marked the time. If you order it Pizza will come. There's no better model for that of the Empire then that of a Pizza place. Pizza don't come to your door unless you ask for it, but when you ask for it Pizza be there in 10 minutes. If you order it, Pizza will come. It's 4'0'Clock in the morning and you're high as a kite and the stuff in your fridge is weirding you out. If you order it, pizza will come. Pizza will come! Oh Pizza will most definently come and if you vote for me, Servants of the Empire, I promise you I will deliver! Audience Applauds and cheers! Cipher Nine: Once again Darth Skotia has recieved wild applause, Now Darth Skotia please note that will not translate into actual votes. Darth Skotia: I am aware. Cipher Nine: Darth Vowrawn. Darth Vowrawn: D-damn right! Cipher Nine: You were painted into a corner last week when ou were asked a very pointed hypothetical question about liberty, so let's do that again. Darth Vowrawn: Great! Cipher Nine: Let's Pretend you're a Dark Lord of the Sith walking down the street and you see a house on fire, do you act? Darth Vowrawn: No! That's none of my Business! Cipher Nine: What if the house is full of Rakghouls with their faces pressed against the glass, do you act then? Darth Vowrawn: No! It's not my place! Cipher Nine: What if the Rakghouls were making this noise (whimpering noise) and they were all wearing bows? What would you do? Darth Vowrawn: I'd let the Rakghouls burn! I am a purist the Rakghouls should die! Cipher Nine: Well Darth Vowrawn you stuck to your guns. Your wierd old guns. Darth Jadus: Cipher, if I may I'd like to attack Darth Malgus as a flip flopper. Cipher Nine: You sure? It's late in the debate and this is when you normally get tired and confused. Darth Jadus: Not tonight, yea I'm ready. Darth Malgus said he was for.. uh... against.. Republicare.. but what about (yawns) Darth Malgus... I mean.. Darth.. Malguscare.. was it was before he was before? Cipher Nine: Uh-oh.. Darth Jadus: Was it was.. He was before.. Border Control! (falls asleep snoring) Cipher Nine: And he's asleep. That concludes tonight's debate and as reminder to Lord Draagh, it's wide open buddy! Stay tuned for our next debate which features questions from Rakghouls. I'm Cipher Nine, i'm a silly lil ragdoll and Live from the Citadel, it's Saturday Night! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudasMagnus Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 I'm Commander Shepard, and this isn't my favorite parody on the Citadel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ironcleaver Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 (edited) No ones made a parody "hitler" clip yet? Edited May 25, 2012 by Ironcleaver Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ghost_Operative Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 *Crickets chirping in awkward silence* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reno_Tarshil Posted May 25, 2012 Author Share Posted May 25, 2012 Well I guess those responses should have been expected. Just trying to add some humor into these forums. Oh Well. Can you at least tell me why you didn't think it was humorous? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
-Fal- Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Well I guess those responses should have been expected. Just trying to add some humor into these forums. Oh Well. Can you at least tell me why you didn't think it was humorous? All the words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
toliman Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 oh, i enjoyed the casual racism too, that part was fun ... anne ni hao ... photoshop malgus and skotia in place for current republicans, and you have a 100% solid parody. unfortunately, you need to break up the solid block of words, images would help. perhaps, banners, or widescreen / screen-cropped-headless shots of republicans talking during debates ... (it doesn't seem to affect their ability to look silly or stupefying) or, mask in swtor characters from cinematics, into the debate pics. i think jadus / skotia get some awesome hand-waving and pointing in their cinematics, most of the darths in standing poses, you can then attach a podium / handshake moment with a bit of twisting/tweaking of arms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FlippinFlapJack Posted May 25, 2012 Share Posted May 25, 2012 Well I guess those responses should have been expected. Just trying to add some humor into these forums. Oh Well. Can you at least tell me why you didn't think it was humorous? I, for one enjoyed it. You put a lot of thought and effort into it. Just remember that some people have a sense of self worth that is based on putting other people down. They simply feel worthless unless they belittle someone else because that makes them feel superior. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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