My wife is jealous of my characters relationships...

[Valsdad]

I don't understand.

 

In Beta I played the story thru to see where it went and how they handled the sex thing. I ended up in Jaxo's quarters, move in for the kiss, lights go out and then we're dressed in our armor again but we have obviously been doing the nasty. Yes I know this broke my promise. If she had walked in, I would have shown her what was going on.

 

When I hit that point after launch, I kept hitting no and after a "It's not going to happen", that ended it.

 

Two completely different outcomes.

 

Yeah, but you're not injecting your own thoughts. You're only choosing an option in an "on rails" story. You neither wrote nor conceived any section of your character's path.

[Valsdad]

I'll just say, congrats to your well deserved future single-parent status.

 

Yeah, and enjoy your honey-do's filled with things you hate and had no input towards.

 

Everyone can sling hyperbole.

[Smugglecat]

I know my (male) fiancee gets a little jealous. He auto-hates any character I flirt with when we play, especially the Agent's Vector and the Warrior's Quinn, haha.

[Ouranioi]

I dunno, I think I'd get uncomfortable too if my girlfriend was hugely invested in an RP relationship in a game. If she was really intense about it, then I'd probably start thinking she needs to get out more, or if she started sharing details...well, I'd also worry.

 

No offense, but telling your GF "My online fiancee has a size 3 waistline and perfectly firm DD cup jubblies!" kind of earns you some irritation.

 

Also, YOU'RE telling us she's jealous...are you sure she's not actually thinking you're a freak, or an idiot? I mean, yours is not exactly an unbiased perspective. Saying she's jealous might be wishful thinking.

[Fox_McCloud]

Seriously, she actually gets jealous of the fact that I had

a one nighter with Jaxo and get engaged to Elara

 

 

Anybody else been getting heat over a game from irrational women?

 

Whether it is irrational or not is really not the point in question here.

 

It is whether it is something that concerns her and whether you care about that or not. It is as simple as that.

 

You could try explaining it to her, not talking down to her or making her feelings feel invalid (even if they are in this particular case). If that doesn't work then your choice becomes, chose options that do not make her feel upset, or say you do not care if she feels upset and go on with it.

 

Just be honest with yourself what your choice really is if you do not listen to your wives concerns, it would be that your desire to chose option A is greater then your desire to not have her feel a negative way.

 

Thats my take on it.

[NessusFett]

imagine what would happen if she actually caught you watching ****

 

OMG

 

/laugh.

[Valsdad]

You can't reward irrational behavior by soothing it. Trust me, I have learned that lesson first hand.

[babybearky]

I was on my smuggler and Corso was getting a bit soppy and emo. Then he was like " I want to give you something.." and the screen went black.

 

I turned round to my hubby all chuffed thinking Corso was going to kiss the character

but then was like "oh, actually he just gave her a gun.. -_-"

 

 

Hubby just started laughing and taking the mick.. I get my own back though when he tells me about flirting with Kira, I just mock him by saying a Jedi isn't supposed to flirt with anyone, it's the path to the darkside.

We just treat it like a big joke, as it's only a game, not like anything will come of it.. Who knows, could even use something like that as inspiration for some bedroom RP

 

^This

[Jakyre]

I dunno, I think I'd get uncomfortable too if my girlfriend was hugely invested in an RP relationship in a game. If she was really intense about it, then I'd probably start thinking she needs to get out more, or if she started sharing details...well, I'd also worry.

 

No offense, but telling your GF "My online fiancee has a size 3 waistline and perfectly firm DD cup jubblies!" kind of earns you some irritation.

 

Also, YOU'RE telling us she's jealous...are you sure she's not actually thinking you're a freak, or an idiot? I mean, yours is not exactly an unbiased perspective. Saying she's jealous might be wishful thinking.

 

Where did the OP state anywhere that he was doing any of the stuff you just said?? lol He's not "hugely invested" in anything...

Sure if my fiancé caught me with my tongue on my monitor frenching the screen cause Jaessa was on it... yeah she's be freaked out... but then again so would I when I came to my senses... that's just crazy stuff.

 

We're not talking about that though. We're talking about a man who's simply choosing to press:

 

2 - [Flirt] So you wanna go somewhere quiet?

 

... watching the screen fade to black, and then turning in his 10,000 xp, 50 affection points, and continuing the game he enjoys.

 

Sometimes I wonder where people come up with this stuff lol. Honestly...

Edited January 26, 2012 by Jakyre

[Jakyre]

Whether it is irrational or not is really not the point in question here.

 

It is whether it is something that concerns her and whether you care about that or not. It is as simple as that.

 

You could try explaining it to her, not talking down to her or making her feelings feel invalid (even if they are in this particular case). If that doesn't work then your choice becomes, chose options that do not make her feel upset, or say you do not care if she feels upset and go on with it.

 

Just be honest with yourself what your choice really is if you do not listen to your wives concerns, it would be that your desire to chose option A is greater then your desire to not have her feel a negative way.

 

Thats my take on it.

 

Doing something to pacify this type of behavior will not solve the problem. I have one question for everyone defending this woman (aside from those that say the issue might lie elsewhere and she just lets it out at this instance):

 

Is it reasonable for anyone to get mad at someone else for choosing a romantic option of dialog in a video game?

 

Simply saying "ok hunny I won't do this cause it upsets you" only leads the way for her to pull similar antics on another front. I guarantee that soon she'll be getting mad at you for:

 

A) Glancing at a manaquin wearing underwear at La Senza

B) Mentioning that you used to love Buffy the Vampire slayer as a kid because Sarah Michelle Gellar was HOT

C) Giving your sister a shoulder rub

 

People need to realize that "feelings" aren't ALL IMPORTANT. Sometimes feelings need to be reigned in and controlled by reason. If everyone reacted to the world based solely on their base feelings without pause to think and rationalize them we'd all be in utter chaos. She needs someone who loves her to help her realize that her behavior isn't acceptable. Her "feeling" that you're cheating on her with your videogame companion is WRONG. Yes, I said it... feelings CAN be wrong. Anyone who argues otherwise should think about this:

 

A mentally unstable person feels that they're being watched. He/She always looks over his/her shoulder, is CONVINCED the Government or some underground organization is out to get him/her. This person then decides (based on the instense feelings of paranoia he/she gets while grocery shopping) that the owner of the grocery store is in league with this "organization" and decides to abduct, torture and interrogate them.

 

Is this person in the right? Even disregarding the last part with the abduction, should we say:

 

"ok hunny we should get the grocery store manager to change locations"? NO

"Ok we'll just go to a different, less convenient grocery store"? NO

 

That just reinforces in that person's head that THEY'RE RIGHT.... when (you guessed it) they're NOT.

 

I'm not saying it's easy or instantaneous... but sometimes people need to be told that they're wrong for their own good. And when I say "tell her she's wrong" I don't mean verbatim. I mean ask her questions to put herself in your shoes and hopefully help her see that her jealous feelings are probably unfounded.

Edited January 26, 2012 by Jakyre

[Elyssandra]

We don't know your wife or you at all - but we do know that:

 

a) She chose to carry your spawn and is pregnant ATM

b) You have a problem with her not liking you flirting in a game

c) You chose to take a mature route of dealing with this by coming onto an internet forum, calling her crazy and irrational and exposing her to ridicule - all for the hope that some internet strangers would support your position and make you feel a little better.

 

 

Putting aside the fact that this probably did not help your relationship at all except give you the warm fuzzies that hey there are some cavefolk out there just like meeeeeee

 

I want to address the people who, with no further information about the guy's wife other than that she doesn't like him flirting in game;

and with no insight into what kind of husband or man he is other than that he disses his pregnant wife on an internet forum with strangers;

and with no insight into his relationship or how things are between them,

chose to insert gems of wisdom such as:

 

 

NO_Walking - I nominate you for the gods gift to woman kind prize.

you decided his wife was not a real woman "Teenage girls get jealous over this stuff...not real women.";

was able to guarantee that "A girl gets mad because of the romance plots in this game I guarantee you it isn't the guys problem"

Discuss your own mature approach to relationships with your own girlfriend "bang the living hell out of her every night" - aww your gf is such a lucky woman!

and insulted a married man because he chooses to compromise with his wife "Have to go cause your insecure master is calling eh?"

 

 

A close runner up for the gods gift prize I give to Riddickcz for some really supportive comments such as "this kind of jealousy applies only to mentally unstable and insecured ppl."; "shes just crazy" and "she has problems."

 

 

OP you also received some amazing advice from StormFX about what to do with the woman who chose to spend her life with you and is pregnant withyour child

"If the fact that you're with her isn't good enough, put her arse in the street."

OFC Stomrfx has no clue whether you're living and gaming and flirting on her dime while she makes the money but he chooses to imagine that she exists at your beneficence.

 

 

KittyPrawn you don't know this woman - but based on one post from some stranger you decide she's a psycho who not just affects her husband but also all womankind

"Women like that give the rest of us a bad name. Psychos."

 

 

Shaddaq you have no clue about whether the OP reassures his wife that she is loved or spends his time ignoring his pregant wife while ************ to his naked companion's image but added the wise words

"Having been assured that she is loved, it is her responsibility to prevent the dissolution or failure of the relationship by reigning in her own inappropriate responses."

 

 

While I am at it - the stereotyping award goes to Xabana for the post that both OP and NO_Walking absolutely loved presumably since it fits right in with their own mentality "Women can be quite irrational".

I ask you is there ANY other group of people that you could insult like this and get away with other than women? Say Black people or Mexicans? Imagine someone posting "Blacks can be quite irrational" or Mexicans can be quite irrational"? No ofc not - but when you insult women as a group - does it make you feel wise? I get it that you're gay and have no use for women now that you've been spawned but really?

 

 

Now all the cavefolk who won prizes in my post - bring on the you must have no sense of humor posts...

[Meisse]

Seriously, she actually gets jealous of the fact that I had

a one nighter with Jaxo and get engaged to Elara

 

 

Anybody else been getting heat over a game from irrational women?

 

Irrational women?! My husband peers over my shoulder and stares at my char's butt all the time (he admitted that's what he was looking at.) I have played MMOs for about 7 years; he is not a gamer. BTW, it's the Type 4 fem SI he's fascinated with.

 

Should I spend more quality time with him?

[Akhilleos]

Seriously, she actually gets jealous of the fact that I had

a one nighter with Jaxo and get engaged to Elara

 

 

Anybody else been getting heat over a game from irrational women?

 

I probably shouldnt laugh, but it wont stop me

 

I think your wife may need to lighten up, unless you start calling her by your companions name. If you get to that point i think you should stop playing

Edited January 26, 2012 by Akhilleos

[Valsdad]

 

Shaddaq you have no clue about whether the OP reassures his wife that she is loved or spends his time ignoring his pregant wife while ************ to his naked companion's image but added the wise words

"Having been assured that she is loved, it is her responsibility to prevent the dissolution or failure of the relationship by reigning in her own inappropriate responses.".

 

And YOU have no idea the dude jerking it to his naked companion. Congratulations on being a worthless, ignorant hypocrite.

 

I swear, educate yourself.

[FAAK]

You have a LOT to learn about women.

 

You're pretending to have sex with other women. Get a clue dumbhead, women expect you to be emotionally committed as well as physically committed and having even play/virtual sex breaks that commitment.

 

Apologize, tell her you understand her feelings and don't freaking do it again.

 

He needs to learn nothing! If he was chatting up a real live female and having vitural sex with her than yeah she has a right to be jealous but its just a GAME! @OP Don't apologize as it will just give her power over you and if you're in this for the long run with her you will regret it unless you're into the whole submissive thing. Thankfully I don't have this problem with my wife so the only advise I can give you is to sit her down and politly explain to her that it's just a game and not real life. And if she can't to that then (unless you truely love her) you might want to move on as I promise you she will only get worse.

[BigBadEdward]

People need to realize that "feelings" aren't ALL IMPORTANT. Sometimes feelings need to be reigned in and controlled by reason. If everyone reacted to the world based solely on their base feelings without pause to think and rationalize them we'd all be in utter chaos. She needs someone who loves her to help her realize that her behavior isn't acceptable. Her "feeling" that you're cheating on her with your videogame companion is WRONG. Yes, I said it... feelings CAN be wrong. Anyone who argues otherwise should think about this:

 

 

Feelings are a part of what makes us human. Feelings are important but so is rational thought but the two are NOT mutually exclusive.

 

Valentines day is a good example. I see it as a totally useless holiday, created by Hallmark to sell cards. My wife and I had a long discussion about this and she agreed with me but admitted that it is still important to her.

 

So, my choice was

 

1. Ignore her feelings and tell her to get over it.

 

2. Celebrate Valentines day

 

I chose 2. If I had put my foot down and refused to acknowledge Valentines day, she probably wouldn't have given me any grief about it but every time it rolled around and the other womens were getting flowers and stuff, she would have felt bad about it. I love her, I care about her, I don't ever want to be the cause of her feeling bad. So, I take her out to dinner, I get her a card, I send her flowers or whatever. I probably spend 30 minutes doing something nice for her around a holiday I don't believe in.

 

Sometimes feelings are important. Ignore them at your own risk.

[ElhonnaDS]

Just for some perspective, lets flip the roles. Lets say you had a woman on some other chat board, talking about her jealous husband. Lets say the situation was something where she liked to watch movies with her girlfriends. The latest movie was "Pride and Prejudice," and she made a comment that this was such a romantic movie or something. And lets say that her husband got upset, and said she shouldn't be watching romantic movies because it makes him jealous.

 

How many people do you think would be saying, "Well if he feels that way, you should probably respect his wishes and stop watching romantic movies. After all, it's just a movie- does it mean more than your relationship?"

 

How many more people do you think would be talking about jealousy and controlling, unhealthy relationships? About how irrational jealousies and insecurities can lead to abusive relationships? About how she needs to make sure that he's not dictating little things in her life that he shouldn't, because it could lead to more and more controlling behavior?

[Jakyre]

People need to realize that "feelings" aren't ALL IMPORTANT. Sometimes feelings need to be reigned in and controlled by reason. If everyone reacted to the world based solely on their base feelings without pause to think and rationalize them we'd all be in utter chaos. She needs someone who loves her to help her realize that her behavior isn't acceptable. Her "feeling" that you're cheating on her with your videogame companion is WRONG. Yes, I said it... feelings CAN be wrong. Anyone who argues otherwise should think about this:

 

 

Feelings are a part of what makes us human. Feelings are important but so is rational thought but the two are NOT mutually exclusive.

 

Valentines day is a good example. I see it as a totally useless holiday, created by Hallmark to sell cards. My wife and I had a long discussion about this and she agreed with me but admitted that it is still important to her.

 

So, my choice was

 

1. Ignore her feelings and tell her to get over it.

 

2. Celebrate Valentines day

 

I chose 2. If I had put my foot down and refused to acknowledge Valentines day, she probably wouldn't have given me any grief about it but every time it rolled around and the other womens were getting flowers and stuff, she would have felt bad about it. I love her, I care about her, I don't ever want to be the cause of her feeling bad. So, I take her out to dinner, I get her a card, I send her flowers or whatever. I probably spend 30 minutes doing something nice for her around a holiday I don't believe in.

 

Sometimes feelings are important. Ignore them at your own risk.

 

My Friend

 

No where did I say that the two (feelings and rationality) are mutually exclusive... please don't put words in my mouth. Please read my whole post and don't quote a part of it out of context... you didn't even include my example. I said SOMETIMES feelings are wrong and that SOMETIMES feelings need to be tempered or controlled with rational thinking.

 

Also, the Valentine's Day analogy isn't terribly accurate. A more accurate representation of the OP using your same Valentine's Day setting would be:

 

I got mad at my wife for wanting me to get her a Valentine's Day gift. I won't do it cause I don't FEEL that the holiday is important.

 

Compare that to:

 

My wife got mad at me for choosing a romantic option in a video game. She doesn't want me doing it anymore because she FEELS like it's cheating.

 

Now I think it's plain to see that's a more comparable scenario.

Edited January 26, 2012 by Jakyre

[Valsdad]

People need to realize that "feelings" aren't ALL IMPORTANT. Sometimes feelings need to be reigned in and controlled by reason. If everyone reacted to the world based solely on their base feelings without pause to think and rationalize them we'd all be in utter chaos. She needs someone who loves her to help her realize that her behavior isn't acceptable. Her "feeling" that you're cheating on her with your videogame companion is WRONG. Yes, I said it... feelings CAN be wrong. Anyone who argues otherwise should think about this:

 

 

Feelings are a part of what makes us human. Feelings are important but so is rational thought but the two are NOT mutually exclusive.

 

Valentines day is a good example. I see it as a totally useless holiday, created by Hallmark to sell cards. My wife and I had a long discussion about this and she agreed with me but admitted that it is still important to her.

 

So, my choice was

 

1. Ignore her feelings and tell her to get over it.

 

2. Celebrate Valentines day

 

I chose 2. If I had put my foot down and refused to acknowledge Valentines day, she probably wouldn't have given me any grief about it but every time it rolled around and the other womens were getting flowers and stuff, she would have felt bad about it. I love her, I care about her, I don't ever want to be the cause of her feeling bad. So, I take her out to dinner, I get her a card, I send her flowers or whatever. I probably spend 30 minutes doing something nice for her around a holiday I don't believe in.

 

Sometimes feelings are important. Ignore them at your own risk.

 

I think you are completely missing the point.

[Kizah]

When I showed my fiance the relationship stuff her and I were just laughing over it for a while.

 

She still asks me if I boned Elara recently. Haha

[Valsdad]

Just for some perspective, lets flip the roles. Lets say you had a woman on some other chat board, talking about her jealous husband. Lets say the situation was something where she liked to watch movies with her girlfriends. The latest movie was "Pride and Prejudice," and she made a comment that this was such a romantic movie or something. And lets say that her husband got upset, and said she shouldn't be watching romantic movies because it makes him jealous.

 

How many people do you think would be saying, "Well if he feels that way, you should probably respect his wishes and stop watching romantic movies. After all, it's just a movie- does it mean more than your relationship?"

 

How many more people do you think would be talking about jealousy and controlling, unhealthy relationships? About how irrational jealousies and insecurities can lead to abusive relationships? About how she needs to make sure that he's not dictating little things in her life that he shouldn't, because it could lead to more and more controlling behavior?

 

 

I'm with you. I personally think women need to stop getting so many social passes for bad behavior.

 

The "happy wife, happy life" mentality has created a lot more harm than good. Women don't get to dictate what is acceptable any more than men do.

[BigBadEdward]

I think you are completely missing the point.

 

No, I completely understand everything you guys have said. I even agree with most of it.

 

What you guys don't get is that everything is relative.

 

I see the in game virtual flirting thing as completely harmless.

 

My wife feels like it's a betrayal and gets upset about it.

 

Two COMPLETELY different reactions to the same situation. Which one is more valid? That's the question, are her feelings invalid simply because I say they are irrational? Even if you agree that they are irrational, that doesn't make them, in fact, invalid.

 

You can't turn every disagreement into WW III because, I wish more people understood this, no one wins in a war.

[FAAK]

@OP Now that I've read about your wife being pregnant...congrats by the way... let me change my post; do not and I mean do NOT tell her that she's over reacting. That will just cause a major headache that you don't want to deal with, trust me I made that mistake and it was not fun. Her body is changing and she is hormonal and honestly the real reason she is jealous could be the fact that you're playing a video game instead of spending time with her.

[Valsdad]

No, I completely understand everything you guys have said. I even agree with most of it.

 

What you guys don't get is that everything is relative.

 

I see the in game virtual flirting thing as completely harmless.

 

My wife feels like it's a betrayal and gets upset about it.

 

She is wrong to do this. She is projecting her negative insecurities into your relationship and causing harm. You have chosen to pick your battle, which is fine. But, by doing so you have only encouraged more negative behavior.

 

This isn't a subjective thing. Her feelings of betrayal are her problem, however through projection they are now also your problem. Now both of you have this problem that will never be solved because you have basically told her that it is ok and good to irrationally believe imaginary characters are threatening her relationship.

 

Two COMPLETELY different reactions to the same situation. Which one is more valid? That's the question, are her feelings invalid simply because I say they are irrational? Even if you agree that they are irrational, that doesn't make them, in fact, invalid.

 

You can't turn every disagreement into WW III because, I wish more people understood this, no one wins in a war.

 

I agree that you need to pick your battles but c'mon. You need at least one crazy moment get out of jail free card for your submission.

[DarthBloodloss]

^ this.

 

It's hard to explain, but the thought that my man is actually getting satisfaction by playing with a virtual girl sets off warning bells in my head. It's no different from knowing that a guy fantasizes about another girl at night, even though he's committed.

 

This is rediculous.

 

Its not even in the same ballpart. Its not even the same sport!

 

He is not fantasizing about another girl. He's just clicking pre-designated dialogue options just for the hell of it....in between killing things.

 

Its not like he typed in the chat to talk to the female character, asked her on a date, and she accepted etc etc. Its just canned responses.

 

Silly people are silly.