I played EQ for a couple years and then WoW at release as well, and you are right, both games felt alive and had much more community than anything these days.
I believe the main difference is leveling speed. In EQ, it took forever to level. Where these days you arrive at a planet in SWTOR and out-level it in a couple hours, back then you were in a zone adventuring around the same people for a long time. You ran into them more than once and got to know people.
WoW wasn't always insta-max level. Back at the beginning the leveling speed, while much faster than EQ, was very slow by today's standards.
Games these days are in too much of a rush to get you to endgame, in my opinion.