I really enjoyed the last few chapters, you can really bring across force techniques/rituals really well, as well as explaining some things (like the helmet) that are unclear in the game. Good job! Some small critique in spoilers! EDIT: also, PM coming to an inbox near you!

So I've seen quite a few mentions of a decoration gained by completing the new HK-55 chapter a certain way. However, I googled it and couldn't find it anywhere?!? Would someone please tell me if this is a hoax or just nobody's posting about it (I doubt it, both dulfy and tor-decorating are pretty quick when it comes to this kind of stuff). If you really get a deco please tell me what it is Thanks!

This is the Table of Contents including the parts I've submitted as beta reader from the point where Mayhem's subscription ran out. He will be updating his OP whenever he resubs! Book 1 - Darkness Rising Original Message in this post:

This is a great start! Does this take place in the same "universe" as Rey'elle's story?

/signed /signed /signed... please EA put some money into this game!

...Trolling?!? ON THESE FORUMS?!? OOORRR You just don't understand that not erveryone has full 224 gear while doing fp's with 196es OOORRR YOu're being sarcastic, which is bad, because not-so-good people are going to read this and take it for true! :eek:

I just don't get why nobody's commenting on this! It's a really, really great story! I like how you aren't orientating yourself on the ingame storyline, but creating one of your own! (Yeah.... I'm not much of a comment-writer.... Sorry!)

First of, I really enjoyed the last chapters, the gave Phi-ton and Voss the closure needed, and I can only echo what others said before me. I am really looking forward to your depiction of Ilum and the BoI flashpoint. Also.... Kaliyo and Lokin?!? I'll never look at them the same way now! Great idea! Secondly.... I have nothing to critique! NOTHING! No commas no nothing! Great job, I feel that you have really improven since starting this project! EDIT: Well, then you should be one happy MishaCantu

You're doing a really great job man, keep it up! What would be great would be that before the mechanics section, you very quickly go through the fight and its enemies, as in "OK, after you achieve this these adds will spawn" and so on, would make some points in mechanics Wayyy more understandable

Well... Better late than never! A quick note, like "We are currently looking into this" would have been appreciated as it seemed to me that you were simply going to ignore the matter...

I am 100% sure that I have never created a character of that name (all my chars are called Demunoki / Demunoka with different spelling) and that nobody created it while I was AFK ... I am still mystified by this

Recently, I was checking through my SWTOR settings (C:\Users\ACCOUNTNAME\AppData\Local\SWTOR\swtor\settings) and found a weird file: he6128_Lunwild_PlayerGUIState: The weird thing is: I am the ONLY person on this PC playing SWTOR, and I do not have and never had a Character named Lunwild... SO: should I be concerned about this?

ditto... Wow, bioware just F'ed it up

Hi Du hast das ganze in den englischen foren gepostet, um umzuwechseln einfach oben auf DE gehen Für Vanjervalis chain kann ich vc-rp.de nennen, ist (angeblich, ich bin kein rp'ler) ein treffpunkt English: The guy asked for a rp guild ans i directed him to the German forums and the role-play website for the server

Ooh... This sounds promising.. Can't say anything else other than Welcome and Have Fun!

/signed /signed /signed... As I said before I'm not very good at commenting the story per se and I am eternally sorry for that, but wow, you really write some detailed fight scenes, and if that isn't the full extent of what you had in mind, then you can really dream up some kick-*** stuff . I enjoy the story a lot, and I am always happy when I see a new part! Also, it seems a kind-of-apology-which-isnt-one is in due, as I noticed that my expectations in the writing aspect mentioned earlier were VERY high due to reading Game of Thrones first time at the time. After finishing, I picked up a book (one I previously thought of as VERY well writen) and went " comma missing here, here, and there, sentence structure wrong here" :( . However, it is the difference between an OK/good writer and a great writer, and in my book it's better for the writer to have high standards and an attempt to better their writing than to have low standards (cough- I had that with my own fanfic-cough) ;) TL;DR : While the points given earlier in this thread are still very valid and would still improve the reading experience, It isn't anything life-threatening, and oftentimes the "mistakes" are only found by people currently reading quite challenging literature (In particular point A: punctuation) , but there is room for improvement, which is something you strive towards, so I will very gladly give feedback in that regard Speaking of feedback: as always, this is unordered and just what I NOTICE in the latest parts, not a 'professional' feedback, I am NOT a professional, neither writer nor english-teacher, so this is judging only from the experience I've gained while reading books (Due to a long stay in England in my childhood, I can and do read most books ( Game of Thrones and the like) in english despite being German, and I read a LOT ) Also, I am sorry for not knowing the correct term for some terms like punctuation, I rarely see/hear such words as they do not appear in the literature I read As long as I don't specifically state the scene, the quotes all come from the last two or three scenes Positive: this is always going to be pretty void, which doesn't mean there isn't anything good/improved but only that I am not noticing it and as I said before I am saddly unable to comment on the story other than that I enjoy it extremely well A) You posses a large word pool, the text always feels refreshing and can be visualize extremely well. B) You use a wide diversity of (what I believe to be called) stylistic devices, like "Kaliyo, Lokin and Scorpio’s silhouettes outlined in the light with blasters and rifles drawn." Which is great. C) I really, really like your fight scenes! Negative Don't be disheartened by the size of this part compared to the positive, I shall NEVER intend to hate on your work, most of this are passing notes, single words that really stood out badly (it happens to everyone) or what I consider important for a fluid and better read. The size of this portion does NOT mean your text is bad! A) Try to have a look at what information can be assumed correctly from the ones prior and if that is 'clunking up' the text: E.g. "Phi-ton was battling two more on his side of the room using the double bladed staff". We already know that Phi-ton is armed with staff and blaster and that his staff is double bladed, and, as he holstered his blaster earlier, we can safely asume he's using his staff. However, this snippet lowers the pace of the fight, something i deem very important to keep as high as possible, as to semi-simulate the adrenaline (or whatever the Joiner/Voss equivalent is ) flowing in this life-or-death combat situation B) Speaking of combat situations: As long as they are no Jedi/Sith against non-forcewielders, try not to make it seem like the protagonists are the GSI droid from Story-Flashpoints, easily carving a path through hordes after hordes of enemies. First, reduce the amount of enemys present at one time drastically, it simply isn't possible to dodge four or five proper soldiers triying to shoot you while beating two others up. Then, have them face harder, more seasoned veterans, suited to the protagonists combat style, amongst the nameless hordes of cannonfoder. Your style of writing combat is very well suited to depicting such mini-duels. Also, don't have them kill too many unscathed, this is the exact same problem the Original Trilogy had with its stormtroopers. Have them either exclusively win against small squads of at most 5 or 6 (with the element of surprise) and/or injure them significantly. In the SWTOR world, any non-fatal wound can be cured, prostethics (Maybe biologic prostethics are a thing in your universe? But make sure to properly introduce them) are a normal thing and so on. IF the injury leaves any remnants -aside from scars- like a robotic limb (no synth-flesh covering yet) or so, actively keep track of it, as we wouldn't want to have Rey'elle praise Vectors soft, white ROBOTIC hand ;) C) I think you meant 'rappeling lines' or (my opinion) 'rappeling down' here, drop wires sound like something electrical D) I stand by what I said about punctuation and sentence structure, however I believe it to have improved a bit E) When characters are directly addressed by name, try to place the punctuation marks logical correct for the context, in particular when they are issued an order : E.G.: "Fentis, come here and escort our guest to the refresher." (Scene V) to "Fentis! come her and escort our guest to the refresher.". As Fentis is not standing there yet, the '!' makes it seem like Darth was activly calling him loud enough for him to hear around the corner / across the large room or "Oh, and Fentis, I do not want her touched if you get my meaning" (Scene V) to "Oh, and Fentis? I do not want her touched if you get my meaning" makes it seem like he puts in a break to make sure Fentis is listening to him and receives the message ( as in "Oh, and Fentis?" Fentis looks up "I do not [...]" of course dont write it like that ) F) Try to emphasize the manner in which the characters pronounce a word using the Bold/Italic setting.. but I admit on the forum they're a pain in the backside E.G.: "Oh, and Fentis, I do not want her touched if you get my meaning" (Scene V) shows that he emphasizes 'touched' as it has a special meaning here

Jup, you could say that she's the director (or whatever its called English, the words slipping my mind, the guy that is responsible for the entire movie) you a watcher and i a critic who doesn't even know how to operate a camera but critisizes anyway Note: I'm writing from my smartphone so my grammar/spelling isn't very good ATM xD

Hahaha love it, keep it up!

Bla bla bla extra text my post is too short EDIT: Tell me here first that you want to go with this, I don't check my pm box atm!

A few quick more critical notes, you asked for it : I have only a SINGLE complaint concerning the story side of your text: If Watcher X is in the implants in Rey’elle's back, how can he see things that she can't? , other than that I absolutely LOVE it However, some writing aspects are improvable, which would lead to a more fluent reading experience. Just a few small things: DISCLAIMER! : I LOVE your work, but the following might sound to negative... sorry, it's not meant like that!, just an honest critique A) please pay attention to your commas, maybe have someone else reread/beta-read it (I know very well that sometimes, you miss things like that in your own work) Example: She jerked awake looking wildly around her. She jerked awake, looking wildly around her In my opinion, the second sentence brings across the message better (but dont worry, apparently it's a disease on these forums, a lot of people do it ) B) in your conversations, you often split a sentence into two, which makes it kind of clunky: Example: It is close to noon on Hoth. We will make it in time. It is close to noon on Hoth, so we will make it in time (Note this is just an example, i actually can't find other instances now, however when first reading i found quite a lot. :o:o) C) is it on purpose or Oversight that you write Cypher? in the game its Cipher :eek: PS are you planning on keeping up this schedule?

This is great! While admittedly it is noticeable that you aren't that much of an experienced writer (though I can't pin down why it is noticeable) your texts are nicely long, you chose a great plot point and your characters are well written Keep it up!

Quick question: do i have to complete the teirs in the given order? so for instance if i kill all world bosses before having completed the tacticals, would it still count? if i do Legacy of the rakata before Esseles tactical? etc

Hey all Just a quick note: This project is on ice until I become a better writer. I'm currently struggling to flesh out the story, so I decided to put this on ice and participate in the short fic weekly thread However, I am not completely aborting this project Thanks for reading

WOW this is really great!! Subscribed and happily waiting for more... Yeah I'm not much of a comment writer (if I think of the state of my own fanfic... I'm not a good writer at all )

.... WOW.... this was one great story... gotta have more... to the last part: Finally do Lana and Balkar get together! Also, i cried of laughter (is that the saying?) when reading of zykkens Log mount... epic... All in all, my FAVOURITE thread(s) on this forum... You are an extremely skilled writer