unexpected allies

[ssppeeiirr]

Hi all, this is my first fan fiction and I thank OfficerdonNZ for permission to use his idea for my own story, please give me feedback on what you think of the first chapter and i'll see how we go for the rest of the story. this is using my actual game character for the story Quolgovai. I know it's short i don't have a lot of time to work on this chapter at the moment so I will leave it there, depending on the feedback for a second chapter I will make the following ones larger.

 

 

unexpected visitors

 

"Now on to the Chancellor's request" Master Mace Windu said, "velorum has requested the jedi to get involved in the business between the Trade Federation and Naboo before things turn more hostile"

It was just nearing sunset on coruscant and the Jedi council had been in session for 4 hours.

"who do we have to take on the role of ambassador?" Master mundi asked " Master Jinn and his padawan are the only jedi not on assignment but I don't believe they have the right temperament to take on something that delicate" a dubious look crossing his face as he turned to face Masters windu and yoda, "Go they will, an opportunity for the padawan to learn this will be, summon them here now, you should" the diminutive master said matter of factly, "whilst we await their arrival we sho-" Master Windu began but was cut off by a roar and a swirling vortex of force energy blasted into the centre of the room, the entire council froze as they felt the power of the dark side flowing from the swirling mass before entirely dissappearing take the mealstrom of power with it leaving behind two bodies with light-sabers locked together and a look of bewilderment on the face of one a mask covering the other.

 

"They are Sith!!" Jedi master plo koon announced standing up from his chair and readying to call the force to his aid, he was the only member to react, the rest sat in stunned silence while the two sith fought on as if nothing had changed. "DO NOT FORGET THAT I AM DARTH BARAS, THE VOICE OF THE EMPEROR, I will kill you my fallen Apprentice" Baras announced completely oblivious to his new surroundings, "YOU ARE NO MATCH FOR ME" he screamed before sending force lightning arcing towards his former student, using his lightsaber to absorb the blow Quolgovai stepped forward and threw his remaining weapon at Baras causing him to break off the attack and dodge only to allow quolgovai to leap forward and strike him down "die Baras, you are nothing" he said as the last of the former DArth's life force left his body.

 

Grinning from his triumph, Lord Quolgovai turned away from Baras's body only to be confronted by the lightsabers of masters plo koon, windu and yoda, pointed at him, "I am Lord Quolgovai, Wrath of the emperor, pray tell where am I?" he asked before feeling a blow to the back of his head, the last thing he remembered before everything went black "the jedi temple on coruscant"

[MishaCantu]

The premise of time displacement is always interesting, however, the story is difficult to read because all of the dialogue is jammed together and it is hard to tell who is actually talking. It would be easier to read if you broke up the individual speakers. Like:

 

 

"Now on to the Chancellor's request" Master Mace Windu said, "velorum has requested the jedi to get involved in the business between the Trade Federation and Naboo before things turn more hostile"

 

It was just nearing sunset on coruscant and the Jedi council had been in session for 4 hours.

 

"Who do we have to take on the role of ambassador?" Master mundi asked " Master Jinn and his padawan are the only jedi not on assignment but I don't believe they have the right temperament to take on something that delicate," a dubious look crossing his face as he turned to face Masters windu and yoda.

 

"Go they will, an opportunity for the padawan to learn this will be, summon them here now, you should" the diminutive master said matter of factly.

 

"Whilst we await their arrival we sho-" Master Windu began but was cut off by a roar and a swirling vortex of force energy blasted into the centre of the room.

 

The entire council froze as they felt the power of the dark side flowing from the swirling mass before entirely dissappearing taking the mealstrom of power with it and leaving behind two bodies with light-sabers locked together and a look of bewilderment on the face of one, a mask covering the other.

 

 

 

Hope that helps. Other than sentence structure, the beginning is quite good.

[ssppeeiirr]

thank you misha,

I will take your suggestion on board for the future.

[ssppeeiirr]

The next chapter begins

 

decision made

 

Jedi master Qui-gon Jinn sat meditating in his rooms when he felt a massive stirring of dark side energy coming from the council chambers, quickly coming back to himself he called his lightsaber to him and rushed for the door, opening it to find his padawan Obi-wan Kenobi standing on the other side , fist raised to knock and a worried look on his face.

“we have been summoned to the council chambers master” Obi-wan said as he moved to allow his master to pass “but I sensed something ominous coming from there”

“yes Obi-wan, the dark side is present in the temple, we must hurry to the council, our help may be required” Master Jinn said running from his rooms. They raced down corridors and around bends, passing by worried looking knights and masters shepherding younglings into rooms to protect them, arriving at the council chambers in time to hear a mysterious figure remark “ I am Lord Quolgovai, wrath of the emperor, pray tell where am I?”

It was an innocent seeming question, one that obi-wan was happy to answer, unfortunately for the visitor, his master had used the force to throw a chair into the back of his head, just as Obi-wan’s stunned voice said into the silence, “the jedi temple on coruscant.”

 

Lord Quolgovai awoke to find his hands bound, his lightsabers taken and two Jedi, blades drawn and levelled at him on either side of the chair he sat upon, in the same room he had mysteriously appeared in during his duel with Darth Baras.

 

“I don’t understand” a young Jedi said to the council, clearly continuing some conversation they had been having while he had been unconscious, “why would the trade federation blockade Naboo, it makes no sense, they would gain nothing from it.”

 

“return to this another time, we shall, awake our guest is” Jedi Grand Master Yoda said in broken English, drawing the attention of the entire room upon him, fixing his eyes upon the small Jedi Quolgovai sighed and tested his bindings.

 

“What do you intend to do with me?” Quolgovai asked, realising he couldn’t get free, nor feel the force, “if it is information on how I got here you are after I can not give you any, I have no idea how I got here, I don’t even know where here is, I refuse to believe this is the temple of coruscant, it was destroyed by Darth Malgus” Quolgovai continued his tirade, hoping to distract the guards long enough for him to stretch without them stabbing him.

 

“that event took place 3621 years ago and yet you talk as though it happened yesterday, nor is that very readily available knowledge, how do you know of it?” Mace Windu asked leaning forward in his seat.

 

“hmm, through time this one travelled, of the old ways this one is” Yoda answered, closing his eyes to listen to the force, “yes brought to us by the force he was, a purpose he is to serve, meditate on this I shall” the old master added.

 

“hold on a minute, Master Jedi, do you mean to tell me that I have gone from the dark council chambers on drommund kaas in the year 10 ATC to the jedi council chambers on coruscant in the year 3621 ATC in a force time rift?” Lord Quolgovai asked looking incredulous, “I can’t believe it” he added pain flashing through his eyes as he thought of his wife and crew now long dead to him, “could there be a way to send me back?” he asked pain making way for determination, “Please!” he added, surging to his feet and rushing forward to stand in front of the grand master, catching his guards by surprise.

 

“we shall see” Master windu responded, lightsaber in hand and inches from Quolgovai’s throat “In the meantime you will accompany Master Qui-gon and his padawan to Naboo, your presence here is disrupting the positive force energy” he stated, “session concluded” he announced, getting to his feet and bowing to Yoda before leaving the room in a whirl of robes. Very slowly the other members of the council followed suit, leaving a stunned Qui-gon and Obi-wan and a thoughtful yoda with the sith lord.

 

“Master Yoda, how will the presence of this sith on our mission help?” Qui-gon asked, throwing Quolgovai a dirty look.

 

“Trust in the force you must, master Qui-gon” yoda answered, “helpful I sense this sith will be” the small Jedi master added before leaving the room.

 

“well I guess that makes us allies, master Jedi” Quolgovai said bowing to Qui-gon as best he could with his hands bound.

 

“that remains to be seen sith” Qui-gon replied leading Quolgovai and Obi-wan from the room.

[MishaCantu]

Thank you for taking my suggestion, it is much easier to read in this format. That being said, it was another good entry, the only thing that surprised me was that he is going to be sent to Naboo and no one knows what he is even capable of yet. I guess when Yoda speaks the universe does listen.

 

Anyway, future revelations should be interesting.

[ssppeeiirr]

thanks for the feedback again misha it may be a little bit before i post the next chapter, got to work a few things out with it, harder to do without a beta to bounce ideas off of

[ChidoriOokami]

Very interesting concept! I'm pretty bad at realizing the timelines of KOTOR - SWTOR and all the way up to Clone Wars.

 

Chapter 1 had me confused at first, making me think you were writing a story on the period right before the Clone Wars, but then I see BARAS and I'm like.... O_O .... then later, "Ohhh..."

 

I'm interested to see how you tie this together with your in-game toon since you planned to have it about your character in the game

 

** One suggestion I have which I myself actually need to follow more often is: Remember to capitalize when needed like beginning of sentences or when names are given. It will help the flow! Oh and yes the spacing is definitely much better now ^^ I'm trying to incorporate that into my own writings.

[ssppeeiirr]

chapter 3 hey guys, I am in need of a beta reader to help so if you are interested please shoot me a PM

 

Unleashed

 

The ship carrying the three force users dropped out of hyperspace a good hundred thousand kilometres from the blockaded planet of Naboo.

“we have arrived in the Naboo system sir.” The captain announced over the intercom.

 

“good, hail the command ship and announce our intentions to board” Master Qui-gon Jinn replied before turning back to face his padawan and prisoner, “So sith, if we are to be together we should get to know one another, I am Master Qui-gon Jinn and this is my Padawan, Obi-wan Kenobi, we know your name is Quolgovai and that you are sith, so tell us your story.”

 

“That would be a long telling Master Jedi, suffice it to say I was born on Corellia and trained at the sith academy on Korriban, I will tell you more after your mission is complete, I am sure your council will want to know more about me as well.” Quolgovai answered before standing and heading into the cockpit.

 

“Captain.” Qui-gon called, following the sith.

 

“yes, sir?” the captain asked turning to face the Jedi.

 

“tell them we wish to board at once” Qui-gon instructed seating himself at a console.

 

“yes, sir.” The captain affirmed, returning to the view screen, where the Neimoidian Nute Gunray was awaiting a reply, “with all due respect, viceroy, the Ambassadors wish to board immediately.”

 

“yes, yes, of course…. ahh…. as you know, our blockade is perfectly legal, we would be happy to receive the ambassadors, happy too.” The viceroy stammered before the transmission ended.

 

Quolgovai snorted with derision once the screen went blank, “that is not a man in control, he is but a puppet” he said, “master Jedi, I believe you will need me unbound and armed for this” he added trying to implore to the Jedi to remove his shackles.

 

“Not a chance, sith, you won’t be leaving the ship once we dock” Qui-gon replied as the ship entered the hanger bay of the trade federation command ship, Jedi master Qui-gon Jinn and padawan Obi-wan Kenobi disembarked and were met by a protocol droid TC-14 who led them into what appeared to be a conference room.

 

“I hope you honoured sirs will be most comfortable here, the master will be with you shortly.” The droid said, bowing and leaving the room, nearly running into Quolgovai on the way out, “oops, pardon me sir.” The droid said carrying on down the corridor.

 

“I thought I told you to stay on the ship, sith” Qui-gon said, furrowing his brow at the sight of the sith lord.

 

“You’ll want me here master Jedi, believe me” Quolgovai returned leaning against the wall “your padawan looks worried.” he added taking the Jedi master’s focus off of himself.

 

“I have a bad feeling about this” Obi-wan said, worry all over his face.

 

“I don’t sense anything.” Qui-gon replied looking at his apprentice askance.

 

“it’s not about the mission master, it’s something, elsewhere, elusive” obi-wan stated, glancing at his master for reassurance.

 

“don’t centre on your anxiety, Obi-wan, keep your concentration here and now, where it belongs” Qui-gon admonished his young padawan, even though his words caused the Jedi master some concern.

 

“but master Yoda says I should be mindful of the future.” Obi-wan returned trying to defend himself.

 

“but not at the expense of the moment, be mindful of the living force, my young padawan.” Qui-gon said.

 

“Your master is correct, young one, to dwell on feelings through the force when other matters take your attention could cause you to miss something vital, which could result in severe harm or death.” Quolgovai said glancing towards the Jedi.

“Yes, master” Obi wan said bowing towards the sith “how do you think the viceroy will deal with the chancellor’s demands?” Obi-wan added turning back to his master and changing the subject back to the mission.

“these federation types are cowards. The negotiations will be short” Qui-gon answered looking towards the sith with some respect for his attempt to convey wisdom on obi-wan.

 

-X-X-X-

 

On the bridge, the viceroy, Nute Gunray was left reeling by what his protocol droid had just said, “What?!? What did you say?” he asked the droid incredulous.

“The ambassadors are Jedi knights, I believe” the droid stated

“distract them until I can contact Lord Sidious” the viceroy ordered sending the droid back to the conference room.

 

-X-X-X-

 

“Is it in their nature to make us wait this long?” Obi-wan asked, taking a seat in one of the chairs.

 

“No, I sense an unusual amount of fear for something as trivial as this dispute.” Qui-gon answered looking towards Quolgovai for confirmation.

“Don’t look at me!” Quolgovai stated, “I feel nothing from the force with these on” he added indicating the cuffs he still wore.

 

-X-X-X-

“this scheme of yours has failed, Lord Sidious. The blockade is finished; we dare not go against the Jedi” one of the viceroy’s advisors stated.

“Viceroy! I don’t want this stunted slime in my sight again, do you understand?” the holo image of Lord Sidious said angrily

 

“yes my lord” the viceroy replied shooing away his advisor.

 

“this turn of events is unfortunate, viceroy, begin landing your troops immediately” Lord Sidious smiled evilly beneath his hood.

 

“Is that legal?” the viceroy asked

 

“I will make it legal” Sidious snapped

 

“and the Jedi?” the viceroy added fearfully

 

“kill them, immediately” Sidious stated before his image faded

 

-X-X-X-

 

The three force users leaped to their feet as an explosion rocked the ship.

“I think that was our ship, master” Obi-wan said, drawing his lightsaber, only to hear a hissing coming from around their feet, “Gas!!” he exclaimed as all three drew a deep breath and held it.

 

After a length of time had passed a number of battle droids had assembled outside the room and were preparing to enter when the doors opened and the two Jedi came running out blades flashing and slicing. “I think it’s time to meet the viceroy” Qui-gon announced as the last droid was scrapped.

 

“master destroyers” Obi-wan called out as they were surrounded by the wheeled machines. The droids opened fire on the two Jedi making them defend themselves and sending bolts flying everywhere, one of which hit the restraints on Quolgovai’s wrists shattering the cuffs and freeing the sith warrior.

 

“well that was a bit of luck” he stated, as the two Jedi were knocked down by a piece of deck from above, “and now we have some fun” he added calling the Jedi’s lightsabers to him and igniting them.

 

A short time later Qui-gon and Obi-wan came awake to find the sith tending to their wounds whilst all around them lay the ruins of the battle droids they had struggled against. “Now do you believe I would be of some help, master Jedi?” Quolgovai asked handing back the Jedi’s lightsabers and helping them both back to their feet

[ssppeeiirr]

chapter 4

 

sorry this took so long guys, I had to try and figure out how to make this all work without it sounding to forced, as always feedback is welcome, please pay special attention to if this chapter is to forced, I also deviated from TPM a bit with this chapter as after all it is a fan fiction and I am allowed to

 

and still looking for a Beta reader if anyone is interested, please send a pm.

 

Lessons to be taught

 

"I think it's time we got off this ship" Quolgovai said as the trio sped through the halls with a troop of droids firing at them from behind.

"yes, I agree" master Qui-Gon Jinn replied, "make your way to the ships hangar and stow away on a craft, we'll meet up on the planet surface" he added before grabbing Quolgovai's arm as he moved to go past, "here, sith, you may need these" Qui-gon said handing Quolgovai back his lightsabers.

"thank you, master Jedi" Quolgovai said as his hands wrapped around the familiar hilts of his weapons, "I am glad you gave them back, Peirce and Quinn would have had a right laugh at me being stuck using a blaster, even vette would have had a giggle at that" he said the memory of his wife and crew bring a smile to the sith's face, before he left leaving the Jedi master looking after Quolgovai with a thoughtful look on his face.

 

The surface of Naboo reminded Quolgovai alot of his first time landing on the planet of Dromund Kaas, the forest was thick but not very dangerous, so maybe his comparison was a little off, either way the surround and the memory brought a grimace to his face as he set off in search of the Jedi.

Jedi padawan Obi-Wan Kenobi snuck out of the droid camp his ship had landed in and made his way towards the closest force signature he could sense, "this planet is peaceful, why would the trade federation invade" he asked himself aloud before lapsing into thoughts, so lost in his thoughts that he ran right into the back of Quolgovai, who was crouched down observing a number of droids march past.

"Remember what your master said about the expense of the moment and being mindful of what's around you padawan?" Lord Quolgovai asked in a whisper, "that applies in all day to day things including when you are standing on a person's fingers" he added, sighing in relief when Obi-wan moved off of them.

"I am surprised by you sith" Obi-wan said crouching down beside Quolgovai, "I would have expected you to run away as soon as you where on the planet surface"

 

"and leave you and your master to screw everything up by yourselves? now where would be the fun in that?" Quolgovai asked a cheeky smirk on his face," believe it or not Jedi, I am loyal to people who have earned it, and your master earned it when he gave me back my weapons" he added before standing and beckoning Obi-wan to do the same," we should find your master before he gets into trouble, you Jedi always seem to get into trouble" Quolgovai added, taking a few steps onto the road and looking back at Obi-wan, "unless you think travelling with a sith will corrupt you" he taunted, turning to look directly down the barrel of a blaster aimed at his face.

"halt and identify" the droid stated holding it's blaster steady at the sith lord's face.

 

"Quolgovai, and I will be your dismantler today" Quolgovai answered, drawing a single lightsaber and igniting it inches from the droids chest piece and slashing upwards, cleaving the droid in two, "I hate droids" he stated, looking up and spotting an entire column heading his way, "pay attention padawan, you may learn something about war" he said, spotting a fallen tree and running for it, using the tree as a springboard to launch himself into the air, gathering the force around him to dissipate around him when he landed and turning his lightsaber over, he drove it into the middle of the droid he landed on as his force wave sent the surrounding droids flying into trees, rocks and other droids. Bringing his lightsaber up to defend himself against blaster fire, Quolgovai proceeded to use a mixture of lightsaber forms and force abilities to quickly turn the entire column into sparking chunks of scrap metal all while a wide eyed Obi-wan looked on, the grip on his lightsaber barley managing to keep it from falling to the ground in shock at the sith's skill.

 

when the last droid had fallen to Quolgovai's blade he deactivated and returned it to his belt and made his way back to Obi-wan, who brought his own lightsaber up to point at the sith warrior. "Do you wish to test yourself, Obi-wan?" Quolgovai asked, once more drawing his lightsaber.

 

"After what I just witnessed I would die without giving you a chance to warm up, no I just don't like people with yellow eyes" Obi-wan replied, his lightsaber wavering at the sheer power he could feel from the sith through the force.

The young padawan's words caught Quolgovai by surprise, "my eyes are yellow?" he asked, the adrenalin from the battle starting to run out, "why did no one ever tell me that my eyes changed colour?" he asked aloud, thinking of all the battles he had fought alongside Vette and the others, closing his eyes Quolgovai tried to get a grip on his emotions and deactivating his lightsaber.

"they were" Obi-wan said, deactivating his own lightsaber and returning it to the folds of his cloak, "come along sith, we should not stay here." he added when he saw that Quolgovai had opened his eyes again and the yellow was gone, "we should find Master Qui-gon and then start to search for the queen" Obi-wan added leading the way from the destruction caused by the sith.

[ssppeeiirr]

I realise now that the last chapter was very short and kind of left off halfway through, I want to apologize for that, the next part will take a very long time to come as I still need a beta reader so i'm doing everything myself and have just given myself more headaches as to how to progress the story rather than keeping it flow. Thank you readers for bearing with me through this story so far and I hope to be able to keep you all interested with the future chapters, if I get enough interest in it I will probably have my story span through all (7 movies so far) the current star wars timeline.

 

as always feedback is the best thing you can give a writer so please don't be shy with it..

 

thank you again