Heralds of the Fall - The False Sith

[Caernos]

Should have commented earlier but got sidetracked.

 

I think having identical twins masquerade as one sith was a brilliant idea. Now I need to go back and read through it to see if the other siphon is always present in disguise, a'la the Borden Brothers from The Prestige. Also, Vestral's continued death and survival due to his frozen corpses is somewhat reminiscent of Angiers and his "The Real Transported Man" (from the same film).

 

It will definitely be interesting to read the epilogue and see what happens next since one of the Siphon's survived. Furthermore, Quen and Rend both are kind of...without anything at all? Everything they had, has been completely destroyed afterall. Plus, there's still all of Orthas's followers left over, though if they follow typical sith attitudes, they would fall into internal power struggles now that Orthas is dead.

 

Excellent story though.

 

 

I will say that the one drawback is that the mismatched pronouns tipped your hand on the second Siphon. They occurred readily enough that it didn't seem like they could be a typo. And while the mismatched pronouns made me think that it was a man and woman working together, using sorcery and mysticism to conceal from their followers that there were two people, I was certain that there were two people.

 

Keep in mind that this is the one flaw in (what is my opinion) an otherwise excellent and well written story and I strongly encourage you to continue writing. If you have any other works already posted here on the forum I would be interested in reading them too.

 

 

 

Please note that the content of this post is my opinion, and should not be taken as fact or representation of the larger community. If I have said anything is offensive, impolite, rude or otherwise negative, please let me know immediately so that I may edit this post accordingly. It is not my intent to cause harm to anyone by any means.

 

[wangxiuming]

Thank you very much for your feedback Caernos. It means to me a lot that you took the time to read through my story; I'm hoping that means it was at least mildly entertaining!

 

I'll respond to some of your thoughts inside the spoiler tags below.

 

 

Should have commented earlier but got sidetracked.

 

I think having identical twins masquerade as one sith was a brilliant idea. Now I need to go back and read through it to see if the other siphon is always present in disguise, a'la the Borden Brothers from The Prestige. Also, Vestral's continued death and survival due to his frozen corpses is somewhat reminiscent of Angiers and his "The Real Transported Man" (from the same film).

 

The Prestige definitely was a strong influence! It's one of my favorite Christopher Nolan films. I thought it would be interesting to explore a Borden Brothers type twist with Sith; it just made sense to me that Sith like the Siphon sisters would be willing and able to go to any lengths to seize power. Plus, SWTOR Sith Assassins being able to stealth and all seemed to fit nicely with that.

 

On the other hand, I totally did not connect Angiers' doppelgangers from that same film to Vestral and his dead clones, but now it's like an eerie connection I didn't see before and I can't unsee now. I wanted to present Vestral/Vandal Pike as the primary antagonist in the early chapters and felt like he needed to be more than just a bounty hunter - his backstory kinda ballooned out from there, but it wasn't intentional that he would recall the other main character from the Prestige in such an on the nose way.

 

As to whether the other Siphon is always present, I did leave hints as to when both are nearby ...

 

 

 

 

It will definitely be interesting to read the epilogue and see what happens next since one of the Siphon's survived. Furthermore, Quen and Rend both are kind of...without anything at all? Everything they had, has been completely destroyed afterall. Plus, there's still all of Orthas's followers left over, though if they follow typical sith attitudes, they would fall into internal power struggles now that Orthas is dead.

 

There are several characters' whose fates I purposefully left unclear but who will be addressed in the epilogue. This includes characters you mentioned here, as well as a few that you didn't ...

 

 

 

I will say that the one drawback is that the mismatched pronouns tipped your hand on the second Siphon. They occurred readily enough that it didn't seem like they could be a typo. And while the mismatched pronouns made me think that it was a man and woman working together, using sorcery and mysticism to conceal from their followers that there were two people, I was certain that there were two people.

 

Keep in mind that this is the one flaw in (what is my opinion) an otherwise excellent and well written story and I strongly encourage you to continue writing. If you have any other works already posted here on the forum I would be interested in reading them too.

 

I was afraid of that! I was so kicking myself after RikeG let me know that I had missed correcting some of the pronouns. Actually it was my original intention - back when I first began writing the story about 3 months ago - for the pair to be a brother and sister. I initially had Rend and Hallie referring to Siphon with different pronouns because they each dealt with only one of the siblings and made their own assumptions. That ended up being a headache though, and I was worried it would become too confusing, not to mention making the twist a little too obvious.

 

Changing them both to twin sisters might've made the twist reveal more surprising ... had I not bungled the execution in editing. Ah, well. C'est la vie...

 

Thank you very much for your kind words. I don't have other works on this forum, but I think I do leave things open-ended enough that I can pick these characters back up in the future if I wanted to. At the same time, there's enough closure for me with things as they are that I'm okay with this being the ending ending if not. I guess I'll see!

 

 

Edited October 20, 2015 by wangxiuming

[wangxiuming]

Epilogue

 

Outside, the battle raged on.

 

Lord Lethe had felt Siphon’s death through the Force, experienced the unrelenting deluge of turbulence ripple outward from the place of Siphon’s fall, a beacon and gravestone that could not be ignored even had Lethe wanted to do so.

 

She wasn’t entirely sure why she needed to be sure of her death. After experiencing Orthas’ power firsthand, Lethe had no doubt about his ability to emerge the victor in this Kaggath. Returning to the site of his victory would surely mean risking detection … and being forced to submit to whatever cruel terms Orthas would effect as spoils of his conquest. She had abandoned her fight with the pureblood Sith precisely because she no longer saw possibility for victory. Why did she risk her escape now?

 

Something compelled Lethe to verify her instincts, however, a gut feeling that brimmed of exhilarating opportunity.

 

She entered the ritual chamber, wreathed in Sith sorcery to hide in the Force. She half-expected to find Orthas standing over her master’s corpse; instead ... she found Orthas’ body, unmoving. Dead for a while now. A second corpse lay a few meters away, one whose face sparked a twinge of recognition, but which Lethe could not quite place.

 

Siphon was nowhere to be seen.

 

A terrible battle had taken place here, of that there was no doubt. Shattered fountatins spilled water across the floor. The scarlet banners that draped around the central dais had all been sliced apart, leaving the chamber an appearance of being strangely naked. More than that, Lethe could sense the immense power that had been unleashed here; echoes in the Force that crawled beneath her skin.

 

She shuddered involuntarily.

 

The glint of light against shiny metal caught her eye, golden in its radiance. Siphon’s mask, bearing a single thin crack. Lethe would have recognized it anywhere.

 

She took a moment to consider the situation. Orthas was dead, clearly slain. Siphon … was gone, the only sign that she had been here was the singular golden mask that now laid upon the floor. The Force told her that Siphon was dead as well; the fact that she had not declared her victory only confirmed it. Siphon was not one to hide displays of her power, after all. The Kaggath that still raged onwards outside was proof enough that Lethe’s master had abandoned the field.

 

Lethe knew what she had to do.

 

She summoned the golden mask through the Force to her hand. With bated breath, she placed it over her face; it fit perfectly.

 

“I am Darth Siphon.”

 

Through the modulator in the mask, her voice sounded exactly like her master’s.

 

As Lethe prepared to depart the ritual chamber, she beckoned Orthas’ corpse to follow her through the Force. It trailed behind her obediently, following her every step so that she could present it to the battlefield and declare her victory.

 

It would be a gamble, to be sure. Lethe considered briefly what to do should the real Siphon reappear … but without her mask, who would recognize her? There was also no guarantee that Orthas’ followers would submit to her proclamation, but Lethe judged it to be worth the risk.

 

In one fell swoop, she could subsume the entirety of both Siphon and Orthas’ power structures and make them her own. Today was the dawn of a new Siphon.

 

A new Lord of the Sith.

 

Hidden behind the golden mask, Lethe could not help but break into a wide, ambitious smile.

 

* * * * *

 

Tosin woke with a start.

 

His surroundings were unfamiliar, but he suspected he was in the medbay of a fury-class starship. He could sense of vastness of open space nearby even before he glanced out the viewport beside him to see a captivating image of Ziost in its magnificent entirety, framed by an ocean of stars.

 

Hallie stumbled in, limping a bit herself. “Finally. I was beginning to think you were in a coma.”

 

“What … what happened?” Rend asked, as he gingerly tested his sore muscles.

 

“Actually, can we take a moment to just go ‘whhhaaaaat?’ about that whole situation Siphon had arranged? Sisters, pretending to be the same person? That … I mean, I guess it explains some things, but … can you imagine living like that? It’s just creepy.”

 

“Hallie.”

 

“Hmm? Oh. You kinda collapsed as we reached the southern exit. I managed to call in a favor from an old friend who got us out of there and access to a ship. We almost got shot down by Orthas’ forces, but they suddenly stopped firing mid-flight .... yeah, I’m not complaining.”

 

“What about the Kaggath? Is it over?” asked Rend.

 

“I don’t know, and frankly, I don’t really care. Not after everything that’s happened. Siphon’s just as twisted as Orthas. Probably more. He was at least up front about being an ******e. She, on the other hand … had some serious trust issues.”

 

Tosin couldn’t help but smirk at that. “Right. You’re right. Forget them. We don’t owe anything to Siphon if she’s even - if one them’s even - still alive, and Orthas is dead. He won’t be coming after us. We have zero stake in that fight.”

 

He gazed out the viewport once more taking in the sight of Ziost and everything it symbolized to him. For the first time in a long time, he felt at peace. Peace. It was like an old family friend returned after a long trip away, awkward at first, but soon enrapt in commiserations and nostalgia. After all these years training under Siphon’s lies, to finally be at peace again, felt incredible.

 

The Empire. The Sith. Tosin was done with all of it. He didn’t know how the Emperor ever expected his Empire to last; he didn’t care whether the Dark Council would be able to lead it in the Emperor’s absence. He felt certain now; the Sith Empire would fall. If it wasn’t to the Republic, then it would be to the Hutts. If not them, then someone else. It was only a matter of time.

 

Kaggaths between Darths were perhaps not altogether common, but the conflict between the innumerable Sith Lords within the Empire’s hierarchy in many ways mirrored the war between Siphon and Orthas.The Empire was a body at war with itself. The Sith were a cancer devouring each other in a pursuit of personal power that would - sooner or later - tear the whole apart and leave only the bones for spoils.

 

There was no future with the Empire or as Sith. Tosin saw that now.

 

He turned back to Hallie. “Where are we headed?”

 

“I don’t know about you, but I think we’re overdue for a very, very long vacation. What do you think? Care to join me? I’ve always wanted to explore wild space ...”

 

He grinned. “Count me in.”

 

* * * * *

 

Doctor Elias Magaro slammed his fists into the data console before him. Frustration and anger overtook his emotions on a daily basis now. Weeks of work continued to yield fruitless results.

 

He was sick of failure.

 

Magaro glanced up to the kolto tank before him and looked at the red-skinned twi’lek that now found himself in suspended animation within.

 

It was just the same as last time. Except last time, he had a wealth of donors to fund his research and pay a large support staff. This time, he was on his own, barely sc****** by, forced to make ends meet by moonlighting as a cosmetic surgeon and freelance medical examiner. A glorified coroner and surgeon all rolled into one.

 

It was his own fault. He had been the laughingstock of the scientific community for over a decade now. His attempts to achieve humanoid cloning and replicate Force sensitivity had managed only to spawn a singular viable clone who had none of the original’s connection to the Force. It did not help that he had a penchant for overselling his projects based on their potential rather than their feasibility.

 

He lost everything when the subject vanished, stealing all the failed clones along the way. With nothing to present to his peers, Magaro had been forced to swallow his own grandstanding in front of the entire Imperial scientific community.

 

His own bluster was a character flaw the Doctor had long since learned to correct.

 

Of course, he found out later that the original body had been severed from the Force before even being presented to him, information that would have been vital to establishing a proper baseline in the research. His methodology had been completely flawed, and all because she had decided to withhold that tidbit of knowledge.

 

In retrospect, he suspected the Sith had planned it to turn out that way from the very beginning. Now, his livelihood was tied to hers; no other patrons would come with grants or funding for his research, not after the spectacular failure he had proven himself to be. If he wanted anything, to make any progress in his life’s work, she stood now the only one he could turn to for resources.

 

“Doctor, Darth S-siphon is here to see y-you ...”

 

Speak of the devil…

 

“I’ll be right out, Tava.”

 

He washed his gnarled hands and slicked back a swath of greasy grey hair before making his way into the miniature closet he was forced to call his reception area. “I told you over the holocom my lord, the subject may not be a viable can--”

 

He paused.

 

Darth Siphon stood before him, disheveled and sweaty. He had never seen her in that state ever before, not in the fifteen years since their initial meeting. In her arms, she held a small-looking woman, middle-aged with auburn hair. Her lack of breath and the cauterized hole in her chest made evident that she was dead.

 

“What is this?” he asked with trepidation. He glanced to Tava’so; his young togruta secretary looked like she was about to faint.

 

“Save her,” said Siphon.

 

Magoro glanced with skepticism from the corpse to the golden mask. “My lord … she is dead. There is nothing we can do at this point, nothing anyone can--”

 

His throat seized as what felt like an iron gauntlet wrapped around his neck and began to crush it. He shook his head with furious desperation, eyes bulging as they pleaded with the Darth for mercy, spittle flying from his mouth even as words could no longer.

 

Then, suddenly, it was over. He fell to his knees as Tava wept quietly under her desk.

 

“Whatever it takes, doctor. You will bring her back.”

 

Magoro nodded now, wanting only to exclaim with brilliant concordance whatever the Darth wished him to say. How he could achieve the impossible - that would be a dilemma for another time. For now, self-preservation won the day.

 

Gasping for breath, he could barely manage more than a whimper.

 

“... it will be done.”

[wangxiuming]

That's it folks! As always, thanks so much for reading and please don't hesitate to post your thoughts. I do really appreciate any and all feedback. While I am overall satisfied with this piece, after reading some of the impressive works in this forum, I can say for certain that I can definitely work on characterization and livening up dialogue. Something to address after I finish Knights of the Fallen Empire ...

 

Logging into the game now! Can't wait, so excited!

 

 

Update: 10/21/215 - I've done another round of updates so hopefully I've caught any last remaining typos/errors, though I'm almost positive I've still managed to miss some despite having read and re-read this thing for what feels like the hundredth time now. Thank you to everybody who has offered feedback, and as always, please feel free to let me know your thoughts - or if I still have glaring misgendered pronouns floating around somewhere ...

 

Edited October 22, 2015 by wangxiuming

[wangxiuming]

Kitar encouraged me to try out a short fic challenge, and so I thought I'd give it a shot! The following was inspired by the "Like No One's Watching" prompt. After the False Sith, I thought Tosin and Hallie could use some more levity in their lives ...

 

Like No One's Watching - When we're alone we often indulge ourselves in things that might embarrass us if others knew. Bad music, bad dancing, whatever it is, we'd be pretty mortified if someone caught us. This time, write about your character's secret indulgences - and how they react when it's discovered.

 

Interlude

 

Hallie rifled through the miniscule cargo bay of her starship in a frantic search for her last box of Taun Fawn Bites, jostling aside plasteel crates tossing already-perused canisters and lockboxes. She wondered for a moment how it would look if anyone saw her overturning the bay - in search of cookies, no less - but dismissed the concern almost immediately. Tosin was still resting in his quarters; there was no one else alive on the ship.

 

“I could’ve sworn I tucked it away here ... “ she mumbled to no one in particular.

 

After another fifteen minutes of fruitless frustration picking through a junkyard of her own making, Hallie resigned herself to defeat. She had already scoured most of the ship searching for the honey-flavored cookies, all to no avail. A ration pack would have to do until they could find an opportunity to make a supply run.

 

On her way back to her quarters, Hallie stumbled into 2V-R6, the deranged and only semi-functioning protocol droid they had acquired to service the ship.

 

“Do you require anything, master? A hot *BRZZT* m-m-mealworm perhaps? Con-- *BRZZT* -- flagration? A foot-- *ZBRRBT* massacre?”

 

She stared at the droid blankly for a moment before responding. “No foot massacres for me today, thanks … We really need to get someone to take a look at you, don’t we?

 

“According to my memory databanks, [data not found.] Would you like me to schedule main -- *ZZBRRT* --character in the new play Shadow of Re -- *BRZZT* --verse your hair loss with this new miracle formula, smuggled from the heart of Coruscant!”

 

Hallie sighed as the droid proceeded to spout what must’ve been stray radio signals. “... you wouldn’t happen to have seen my stash of Taun Fawn cookies, would you?”

 

“Excellent! I was just wondering what I could do to -- *RBRZZT* -- Excellent! I was just wondering what I could do to -- *BRZT* -- was just wondering what I could -- *ZBRZT* -- just wondering what I could do to please you!”

 

To Hallie’s relief, the droid ambled away without another malfunctioning word, metal feet clanking audibly against the floor. She really would have to have the droid looked at, though she had originally hoped to make it out of Imperial space first. In case the surviving Siphon came back looking for revenge, Hallie preferred not to leave a trail to follow if possible.

 

She rounded the corner and came to Tosin’s quarters. Might as well ask…

 

She knocked. There was no reply, but from inside, she heard a scuffling sound. Hallie couldn’t help herself. The door was unlocked; she activated the release, only to find Tosin in his skivvies with a scrunched up shirt in his hands, undoubtedly in an effort to scramble and get dressed before she did exactly what she had just done.

 

Before Tosin could utter a word, Hallie yelped her apology. “Sorry! Sorry! I’ll uh … I’ll come back! After you’re dressed. Yes. Toodles!”

 

She fled at a brisk stride, reaching the cockpit where she found 2V-R6 waiting for her. “As you requested, Mistress. Is there anything else I can do to please you?”

 

Without a word, Hallie accepted the ration pack the droid had meticulously carved into the shape of a young taun taun, complete with a wide-eyed smile.

 

* * * * *

 

Once Hallie was safely out of view, Tosin quietly un-scrunched his shirt; it was covered in cookie crumbs.

 

Dropping the mess in his hamper, he made a mental note to volunteer to do the next round of laundry.

[wangxiuming]

Another prompt!

 

Mirror, Mirror - Images and reflections can tell you a lot. Sometimes they give an accurate perspective on what's going on. But sometimes they don't quite reflect the truth of things. Distorted or un-, write about mirrors, reflections, or echoes that your characters have encountered or left.

 

Interlude

 

Something felt ... off.

 

Tosin wiped his face clean with a soggy towel and stared into the mirror above the sink in the ship's lavatory. His face stared back at him, unimpressed. He thought a shower and a shave might restore a sense of normalcy, a sense of familiarity; it did, but only in the smallest sense. Something still didn't feel right.

 

Everything was different now: he had gone from a Sith Lord respected by many of his peers to a fugitive. An apostate living aboard a starship, desperate to make ends meet where once he had been privy to luxury. In Darth Siphon's service, he could've expected the best meals, superior accommodations, and the service of only the highest caliber of slaves. Now, he ate ration packs and struggled to acclimate himself into living quarters barely larger than his old closet.

 

Back then, Agent Hallian Quen would have addressed him as Lord, would have catered to his whim and needs. Now, they worked together as equals, sharing in all tasks aboard the ship from scrubbing the floors to cleaning laundry. She called him "Toes" entirely too often.

 

Before, he could have asked for any of her possessions, and it would be expected and understood that she would offer them to him freely. Now, he had to hide his shame after swiping baked treats from her like a child. He thought back to before the Kaggath, how much the woman aggravated him. Now, he was grateful for her company. What's more ... he actually cared how she felt. Cared what she thought of him.

 

That was perhaps the most unsettling of all. Why did he care?

 

Everything had changed when he disavowed his former master. But could this single act bring about such a transformation within himself? Was this how he would have felt had he never joined Siphon at all?

 

He glanced back to the mirror and his heart skipped a beat and a chill ran down his spine. For just a second, the color of his eyes seemed to flicker, the sinister yellow of his irises darkened to a pale mahogany.

 

Tosin splashed water onto his face and wiped it off again. Returning to his reflection, he saw that his irises had returned to normal.

 

Perhaps he was just seeing things. It had been a long day.

 

Still, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off.

Edited November 24, 2015 by wangxiuming

[RikeG]

Hmm, I wonder if a Sith might freak out about his eye colors changing back. He might consider it as a sign of losing his connection to the Force.

[wangxiuming]

 

Hmm, I wonder if a Sith might freak out about his eye colors changing back. He might consider it as a sign of losing his connection to the Force.

 

Funny you should mention that ...

 

I'm still working hard on the next part of the story and am hoping to start releasing chapters soon. As always, thanks for reading!

 

Edited March 26, 2016 by wangxiuming