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A/N: I've searched high and low for fan fiction revolving around Jawas, Blizz in particular. After a disappointing bout I decided that since there is so little I should attempt my own go of it. So, here it is!

 

This story is about my Sith Sorcerer, Ignite. I started a bit ahead of the storyline, so potential spoilers for those who haven't played up to Tatooine. Also, I love HK-51 and wanted to incorporate him into the story, so you'll see quite a bit of him.

 

Although the main character of this story is the Sith Inquisitor I will more than likely bring in the Bounty Hunter and Sith Warrior at some point, with a possible cameo of the Agent and their respective companions.

 

Summary: How would the Sith Inquisitor storyline have played out differently if a certain Jawa Shaman on Tatooine was acquired to be an Apprentice to the Apprentice rather than be killed or turned over to Imperial Intelligence? Delve in with me as we find out in this story that involves Force Lightning, HK-51, and a healthy amount of Jawas!

 

Chapter One: Pipsy

 

Hot; that's what the sand dunes of Tatooine were: very hot. Ignite, the Sith Apprentice of Darth Zash, was cursing the day his master sent him to Tatooine as he trudged through the sands in search of one of the most far-fetched tales he'd ever heard spoken. The Twi'lek paused, his lekku twitching as the wind mercifully buffeted his black robes, and took a steadying breath while wiping the sweat from his red-skinned brow and squinting against the suns.

Bemoaning Declaration: Master, why did you choose to bring me along on this mission? My reciprocator is rapidly becoming clogged with sand, reducing my efficiency by 0.0001 percent. This is unacceptable should I be required to liquidate the undesirables.

Ignite heaved an internal sigh and rolled his eyes. Even the mighty HK-51 can't stand the heat of this planet.

Observation: Master, your vital signs indicate you are displeased with my declaration.

Ignite chuckled. "Merely finding it amusing you dislike the heat as much as I, HK." He eyed the eight foot tall monstrosity, with its red eyes, copper plating, and Mandalorian blaster. An instrument of terror, the Hunter-Killer Droid was built for one purpose: assassination. Although at times HK could be quite agitating, Ignite found himself pleased with his diligent efforts on acquiring the droid as he had been more than useful on many occasions.

HK fell into step beside his master as the Sith began walking in the direction of what appeared to be two stone spires leading to a series of caves. Clarification: The heat does not bother this unit, Master. It is the sand and undesirables that displease us.

Ignite cocked an eyebrow at the droid. "Undesirables?"

HK nodded and flicked the safety off on his blaster, firing three shots in quick succession. The sands exploded around the droid and his master and three Sand People caught the blaster shots between their eyes, all falling dead before even managing to utter a cry. "Eat hot efficiency!" HK cried, flicking the safety back on his blaster.

"Nice pun," Ignite quipped.

Pleased Statement: Thank you, Master. This unit is happy to have liquidated the undesirables. If my count is correct, Master, I have surpassed your death count by two.

The Sith shrugged. "There is plenty of time for me to catch up." Ignite cringed as he thought of their current objective: investigating rumors of a Jawa able to use the Force. The Twi'lek sighed softly as he dwelled on the Sith Lord who had demanded he kill the creature, should rumors prove true, and deliver a regular Jawa to quell future rumors.

As a Sith, Ignite found this to be the most logical conclusion to the mission at hand; however there was one thing the Sith Lord had not counted on: Ignite loved Jawas. Truth be told the Sith was unsure of how to proceed as he could not bear the thought of killing one of the creatures. He was jarred from his internal conflict as they approached the network of caves where the supposed Force-wielding Jawa resided.

HK eagerly fidgeted with his blaster, pleased to begin liquidations once more. Ignite suddenly realized his mistake in bringing the droid along. HK hated Jawas.

Supplication: Master, this humble unit requests that I be allowed to liquidate all Pipsqueaks we encounter, including this so-called 'Force-wielding' meatbag.

"Stand down, HK," Ignite placed his hand upon the droid's blaster and lowered it. "I want to have a word with the Jawas before we begin--ah--liquidations."

Displeased Acquiescence: As you command, Master.

Ignite could've sworn he heard the droid sigh as it flicked the safety back on its blaster once more. At least he's pacified, for now, the Sith thought dryly. The two started inside, welcoming the temperature drop within the cave. HK's red eyes glowed in the dim lightning, the droid's head sweeping from left to right as he scanned for life forms.

They walked for several minutes before the cave began to narrow and bank to the left. They passed several vacated tents and came to a small rise in the cave where a much larger tent resided. Standing at the entrance, arms folded, was a Jawa, its yellow eyes glowing beneath its patched brown robes. Ignite held out his hand to halt HK, who eagerly pointed his blaster at the little creature.

The Jawa pointed at the Sith and jabbered something out; Ignite looked at HK. The droid turned his head to look at his master. Ignite raised an eyebrow.

Query: Yes, Master?

"Translate?" Ignite jabbed a thumb at the Jawa.

Petulant Statement: As if I would stoop so low to translate a Pipsqueak's--squeakings! Master, if you wish a droid to translate then I strongly suggest you bring along the worthless two-vee-are-eight!"

"Please?" Ignite attempted once more, politely.

Reiteration: Master, I find it an affront you request such a lowly task of this most efficient unit. Allow us to liquidate this--this--undesirable Pipsqueak meatbag and move along!

"HK," Ignite scowled. "Translate."

Displeased Admission: Very well, Master; but know that this unit wishes to be deactivated to spare itself from the shame of having been brought to such a low.

Ignite rolled his eyes at the over-dramatic droid and motioned for him to translate.

Unwilling Translation: You mean. Leave Jawa. Let clan go peace.

Ignite ignored his companion's dejected tone and spoke to the Jawa. "Are you the Shaman of this clan?" The Jawa motioned to the Sith and jabbered for several seconds. HK remained silent until Ignite poked his chassis.

Disgusted Translation: Me Shaman. Strong in magics. Protect clan.

Ignite felt a tremor in the Force as HK finished, surprised that it was emanating from the little Jawa. The creature raised its arms and several rocks flew at the Sith who reacted instinctively, igniting his lightsaber with a snap-hiss and slicing the rocks before they reached him. Clearly the Jawa was untrained in the Force but had sensitivity to it, surprising the Sith more than he cared to admit.

Bemused Observation: The Pipsqueak is bold, Master. Perhaps I should offer my services to her instead of you.

"Her?" Ignite turned to his droid.

Clarification: The Pipsqueak is female, Master.

"Does she have a name?"

Snide reply: Pipsqueak.

"I'll call her Pipsy." Ignite nodded to himself, pleased with the nickname. The Jawa gave an "Utinni!" at the name.

Concerned Admission: Master, naming such a undesirable is indicative of attachment. Allow me to liquidate this one so we can be on our way.

"That won't be necessary, HK," Ignite deactivated his lightsaber and clenched his fist, allowing lightning to crackle around his hand. He sent a bolt flying at Pipsy's feet, causing the Jawa to back-pedal and fall on her rump. The Twi'lek approached and knelt, placing his hand upon the Jawa's hooded head and calling upon the Force, ripping her language from her mind so he could understand her and not tax his droid any more than was necessary.

"Put Pipsy on the list of meatbags to protect at all costs," Ignite called to HK. The droid bristled indignantly and fidgeted with his blaster, strongly considering mutiny.

Protestation: Master, this meatbag is not worth protecting! My reciprocator is buzzing in terror of what this pipsqueak can do to me if left unchecked! Allow me to at least defend myself should the need arise!

"I'll keep her in check," Ignite promised. HK was silent for several minutes before he finally returned his blaster to his back and held out his hands helplessly.

Sulking Statement: It is done, Master.

"Pipsy," Ignite addressed the Jawa, now that his droid was subdued. "You will be coming with me and your clan shall not be harmed. I will, however, need a volunteer if you don't mind." A plan was rapidly forming in the Sith Apprentice's mind; one that made him smile at the mere thought of it.

"Pipsy go. Keep Clan safe. Many Jawa volunteer. They not be harmed?"

"No, they will not," Ignite promised. "I will ensure it."

"Very very good." Pipsy nodded several times. "You come. Pipsy take. We go."

Ignite chuckled and rubbed his hands together as they made their way to the exit of the cave. The Sith narrowed his eyes as he noted three Imperial soldiers waiting at the entrance. He signaled HK and the droid prepared his blaster, all too eager to vent some steam at the trauma he'd just endured.

Pipsy returned with another Jawa who waved at the Sith and followed. The three guards saluted Ignite as he approached and eyed HK warily, the droid's eyes flickering from one meatbag to the next.

"My Lord, we were sent to acquire the Jawa. We assume you have subdued it?"

"Yes," Ignite nodded and presented the volunteer. "Here is the Jawa as requested."

The three eyed Pipsy. "And the other?"

"Is not your concern," Ignite replied crisply, his tone indicating he would not take questioning lightly. The guards all snapped salutes.

"Yes, my Lord! As you say. We will take this one then." The reached down to shackle the volunteer when Ignite raised his hand; all three guards clutched at their throats frantically.

"This Jawa is not to be harmed, nor chained," he declared dangerously. "If word reaches my ears that he was treated poorly, I will personally shock you until you explode." HK remained oddly silent; the droid usually offered his own form of death in instances such as these. Ignite chalked this up to him still being upset over his master's decision. He released the guards who all fell to their knees, gasping for air.

"W-we understand," choked the leader, "m-my Lord."

"Good." Ignite exited the cave without another word, HK and Pipsy following behind. Once they were a sufficient distance away from the caves the Sith paused and knelt to regard his new companion. "You are untrained in the ways of the Force," he explained to the Jawa. "I will take you on as my Apprentice and teach you."

"Pipsy like tall one! He nice to Jawa. Me call you Boss!"

Ignite chuckled and turned to HK. "HK, I need you and Pipsy to locate the artifact. I have a Sith Lord to pacify. I should also speak with Khem so he does not attempt to devour our little friend here. She must go unnoticed by Zash until the time is ripe to overthrow my Master."

Indignant Response: Master, I strongly request that I not be forced to traipse around this planet with the Pipsqueak!

"I'm sorry, HK," Ignite shrugged. "I trust in your ability to handle this mission. Besides, you need to bond with our new friend!"

HK scoffed. Compromise: Master, I request weapons free.

"Granted," Ignite allowed. "But no Jawas!"

Reluctant acknowledgment: Yes, Master.

"Pipsy help droid!" The Jawa gave a thumbs up. "Make improvements!"

Threat: If you touch my chasis I shall liquidate you with extreme prejudice!

"You no hurt Pipsy! Boss said." The Jawa pointed at the droid.

"Have fun," Ignite choked back a laugh as he started off to Mos Ila, leaving a very agitated HK-51 and happy Pipsy. The droid looked down once more at the creature he hated and fingered the trigger of his blaster, the desire to disobey his Master running strongly through his reciprocator.

Statement: Do not impede my mission, meatbag.

 

 

***

 

 

 

Feel free to provide any corrections and thoughts! I wrote this late at night and wanted to share it!

Thank you!

(More to come soon!)

Posted

"The Jawa Shaman has been killed and a dummy put in its place," Ignite reported to Lord Berow. The Sith Lord gave a small sigh of relief and offered a tiny smirk.

"Well done," she congratulated. "Now none will be wiser to the truth of those wretched creatures."

Ignite shrugged and accepted the sum of credits, departing out the door and heading for the cantina in Mos Ila to relax for a moment. Along the way he noted Khem Val, his Dashade slave, approaching and slowed his pace as the hulking beast approached.

"Master, I grow tired of waiting and hunger." He said in deep reverberating tone that would chill the blood of any non-Sith.

"Good to see you, Khem," Ignite nodded and beckoned the Dashade to follow. I was on my way to the cantina to grab a drink, care to join me?"

"Do I have a choice?"

Ignite paused. "Not really, no."

"Then I obey. For now."

"Still thinking about the day you'll devour me?"

"I was the Conqueror of the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh, servant to Tulak Hord. My strength grows with every Force-user I devour. Soon I shall have the strength to--"

"Yes yes," Ignite waved off the rant. "Devour me and whatnot."

"Tulak Hord usually let me finish." Khem stated, disappointment evident in his tone.

"I'm not Tulak Hord," Ignite reminded the Dashade.

The two entered the cantina to find it sparsely populated and took a seat at an empty table. Ignite exhaled and welcomed the cool air and shade until his reprieve was interrupted by a dark-skinned man who plopped down beside the Sith.

"Hey."

"Khem, do you eat non-Force users?" Ignite inquired.

Khem stared at the man blankly before blinking. "No."

"Should've let you finish," Ignite mumbled under his breath. He regarded the man who was giving him a hard stare that would warrant a painful death on any other occasion; however Ignite was simply too tired to be bothered with frying the imbecile and, secretly, impressed with his boldness. "Greetings."

"What's a Sith doing on Tatooine?" The man sat back and moved his gaze to the Dashade who growled.

"Sith stuff," Ignite stated blandly.

"Well I have a proposition for you, Sith," the man leaned forward. "One I think you may like."

"Doubtful."

"My name is Andronikos Revel," the man introduced himself and held out his hand which Ignite pointedly ignored. "I'm a Pirate captain, or was, until my crew mutinied on me. I've hunted down every single member of that crew except for one: my first mate Syles Wilkes."

"Fascinating," Ignite downed a glass of water and waved for another.

"Here's the good part," Andronikos promised. "I've finally tracked down Syles to this planet, and need help collapsing the net I've woven around him. You're new in town, and a Sith, so I think we'll make a good team."

"I still don't see what the benefit of this partnership is for myself."

"We were smuggling Sith artifacts; knowing Syles, he'll have them all nearby stashed away. Sith go crazy over those things, so don't try to tell me you're any different."

Ignite furrowed his brow, his lekku twitching as he thought. Coming to a swift decision he nodded at Khem and stood. "You've got my attention, Pirate."

"Glad to hear it!" Andronikos exclaimed, standing and clapping the Sith on the shoulder. "Here's what I'll need you to do..."

 

Reminiscence: Master stated I was to track down and acquire an artifact, but he failed to specify which he desired: the Czerka or Tulak Hord artifact.

"We can find both for Boss!" Pipsy waved her hands and bounced on her heels excitedly. "Pipsy know where Czerka base is. We go. Many many droids."

Admission: This unit does not know where to begin, so I will follow your lead. Threat: Do not think to trick me, Pipsqueak, or I shall liquidate you.

"No tricks. Many droids. Lots to kill. You like."

Acknowledgement: My reciprocator buzzes at the thought of eclipsing Master's kill count even further. Lead on.

"That not make reciprocator buzz. That sand!"

Denial: Do not think you know the intricacies of my chassis, Pipsqueak.

"Pipsy improve droid for Boss! Make better! Add shields and better targeting system!"

Indignant Reply: This unit does not need upgra--Intrigued Query: Shields?

"Yes, Pipsy need few things, but Pipsy make."

HK was silent as his scanners picked up a life form behind the sand dune they were approaching. He flicked the safety off his blaster and the thrill of the hunt passed through his circuitry as his scanners identified the life form.

Elated statement: There is a meatbag that I can eliminate ahead.

"We go around dune then," Pipsy began tugging uselessly at HK's leg. The Droid walked forward, taking Pipsy with him; the Jawa latched onto his leg in confusion.

HK crested the hill and immediately fired several shots at the life form below. The meatbag, a Jedi, immediately ignited his lightsaber and deflected the bolts, charging up the hill as HK continued to fire while Pipsy clung to his leg in terror.

Statement: You're already dead, just lie down!

The Jedi, having recovered from his initial surprise, approached more slowly upon seeing it was a singular droid. He continued to deflect the shots with relative ease, frustrating HK further and further.

Prognosis: Obviously this unit is suffering from decreased efficiency due to sand. Lament: Why did Master bring me to this planet?

"I fix!" Pipsy declared, immediately attempting to pry open the thigh plating of HK. The Droid, remembering the Jawa, snatched her by the collar. Pipsy gave a squeak before she felt herself flying through the air in the direction of the Jedi who, seeing a Jawa, deactivated his lightsaber as Pipsy crashed into him. HK fired once and the Jedi fell to the ground with Pipsy atop him.

The Jawa babbled incoherently for several moments before finally untangling herself and charging HK who ignored the nuisance and fired one more shot at the Jedi, ensuring he was dead. Satisfied, the droid pried the Jedi's weapon loose and turned to regard a furious Pipsy.

"Boss say no hurt Pipsy!"

Statement: I did not hurt you.

"Droid threw Pipsy at scary man!"

HK shrugged.

"Scary man could have killed Pipsy!"

Hopeful reply: If only.

"Pipsy--" The Jawa paused as HK dropped the lightsaber into her hand.

Musings: If the Pipsqueak is to be Master's apprentice, then she will need a weapon.

Pipsy examined the weapon in fascination, jabbering to herself as she attempted to pick it apart. HK began walking once more and the Jawa followed, not really paying attention.

Warning: Do not point that thing at me, Pipsqueak.

"Pipsy not stupid! Know how to--" She squeaked as the lightsaber suddenly activated just above her head, causing her to fall onto her back. "Pretty!" She pointed at the cyan blade.

HK shook his head. Personal Note: This unit calculates the lifespan of the Pipsqueak to be one month two days three hours. If she does not liquidate herself, then Master surely will during training, albeit accidentally.

Pipsy swung the lightsaber around, completely oblivious to the droid's declaration.

Command: There is a mission to complete, meatbag. Lead on.

The Jawa deactivated the lightsaber and dropped it into the nearest pouch hanging off her robes, patting it and releasing a satisfied, "Utinni!" She hurried alongside the droid and pointed.

"That way. Droid nice! Give Pipsy pretty weapon. Pipsy forgive droid for throwing. Upgrade with shields when we get back. Good shields."

Admission: I look forward to these upgrades, assuming they work.

 

***

Posted

“Well that was a tad excessive,” Ignite muttered as he eyed the Dashade. Khem had remnants of robes hanging from his teeth and continued chewing, oblivious to Andronikos’s horrified stare. Ignite shook his head and opted to not comment.

“My strength grows,” Khem directed his gaze to his master.

“Don’t talk with your mouth full.” Ignite turned to Andronikos, “Mission accomplished?”

The pirate holstered his blaster and cleared his throat. “I would say I wanted to kill him…” He trailed off as Khem swallowed. “But, yes, vengeance has been served.”

Ignite walked over to the pile of Sith artifacts and began searching. “Don’t suppose you remember what these things look like, Khem?”

 

Statement: It would appear that the secret facility of Czerka has been found. Incredulous Observation: How any could call this facility ‘secret’ baffles my higher programming. It is jutting out of the middle of the dunes!

“This place,” Pipsy was oblivious to HK’s self-musings and poked the droid in the shin. “Many many droids. Much killing. You like. Jawa no come here anymore, too much droids. Lots of salvage though. If we clear many Jawa will come.”

Promise: And many pipsqueaks will die.

“No kill Jawa!” Pipsy babbled in agitation. “Kill Jawa and Pipsy not give droid shield knowing.”

Begrudging Acknowledgement: We will not harm the pipsqueaks for now.

“Good. Very good. You come now, kill droids.”

Statement: With pleasure.

The two entered the facility and started on a downward slope. HK’s scanners immediately picked up dozens of life forms, causing the droid to halt momentarily.

Query: If this facility is inhabited by droids, why are my sensors picking up meatbags?

“Those people,” Pipsy explained. “Turned droids by old salvage. It why Jawa no come here anymore.”

Statement: Interesting. HK readied his blaster and continued until the slope flattened out, revealing four of the ‘droids’ standing in an almost mechanical manner. HK fired four times. Four forms fell. Pipsy stayed behind the Hunter-Killer Droid, keeping just enough distance from HK so as to not be thrown into the fray once more.

HK trudged along with impunity, killing eight more meatbags before finally pausing and cocking his head to the side. Disappointed Admission: The meatbags here do not appear to want to fight back, or are not picking up on this unit’s most excellent design. Either way, this unit grows bored of this place.

“Boss want artifact,” Pipsy reminded. “We get. Boss happy.”

HK looked over his shoulder before nodding and continuing. It wasn’t long until they reached what appeared to be the central hub of the facility, where computers lined ever wall, all currently processing data at an alarming rate. Several tubes stood with individual generators on three separate walls. HK’s scans revealed these contained meatbags to liquidate.

In the center of the room floated an odd triangular device that immediately drew Pipsy’s attention; the Jawa having never seen such a thing. She approached and babbled incoherently, running circles around it and throwing her arms up.

“Salvage!” She finally managed. “Many many years old! This artifact!”

HK approached and tapped the device with the tip of his blaster. A rod protruded from above the artifact and soon a holograph of an odd species appeared. Pipsy immediately stopped her inspection of the artifact and stared up in awe.

“We have forgotten our name, having been imprisoned for so long,” the hologram spoke.

Mocking statement: Then you are the Imprisoned One.

“I am Rakata,” the hologram corrected. “Years ago our Infinite Empire ruled this world and many others.”

Correction: Many, not all.

“I rose to higher power, creating these skin-vessels to—“

Statement: Meatbags.

“Will you let us finish?” The Rakata folded its arms.

HK fired four times through the hologram, immediately disarming the nearby tubes containing the meatbags the droid knew would soon be set free. The Rakata paused, currently too surprised to speak. HK whirled and grabbed Pipsy, hurling her off in the direction of a set of tubes.

Command: Disarm the tubes and liquidate the undesirables with extreme prejudice!

HK didn’t bother acknowledging the Rakata nor observe the Jawa’s progress as he stormed off in the direction of the final set of tubes, intent on liquidating the threat and returning to his master in hopes of finally being free of the sand-ridden planet.

While HK went on his liquidating spree Pipsy shook her head and stood. After dusting herself off (and ensuring all of the salvaged materials were still in her pouches) she walked over to the tubes and began a cursory inspection.

“Hmm, tubes powered by generator, much power. Make many things. Pipsy not knowing. Overload generator, slice computer, beat up droids, then salvage!” The Jawa hurried over to the generator and began attempting to pry the nearest access door open, without much success.

Behind the Jawa the Rakata was watching HK’s efficiency with a mixture of shock and awe. A flicker of hope entered its mind, however, as it turned its gaze to Pipsy.

“You will not be able to break through that generator, slave, for it was built by my Infinite…”

Pipsy, having grown frustrated, removed her lightsaber and ignited it, shoving it into the panel and frying countless wires and circuitry; three seconds later the generator blew, sending the Jawa and lightsaber across the room.

The Jawa picked herself up, ignoring her smoking robes, and hurried over to the computer, pounding her hands on the keys she could reach. “Pipsy not know slicing. Do what she can!” At some point the computer, in its dying throes, not only began production but increased its rate by three hundred percent. Satisfied she had successfully nullified the system, Pipsy turned to observe a dozen skin-vessels standing a few feet away.

“Pipsy need to learn slicing knowing,” she told herself before igniting her lightsaber once more. She was saved from melee combat, however, by the computer exploding behind her, effectively shutting down the control of the skin-vessels. Several blaster bolts flew through the air, each striking a meatbag and giving HK an impressive lead over his master in their game.

Declaration: Threat nullified. Mission accomplished.

Pipsy turned and began rummaging through generator and computer scraps on her hands and knees, her lightsaber still humming, forgotten, on the ground behind her. HK gave a disgusted shake of his head and approached the artifact and the rather peeved Rakata hologram.

Ominous Assurance: Master will know what to do with you, Imprisoned One. I will take you to him so that you may join his ranks of slaves.

“The Rakata will never—“ The hologram cut off as HK viciously ripped the wires and cords from the artifact, snatching it with both hands and carrying it over to the Jawa who was nodding to herself in satisfaction, having acquired quite a bounty of salvage.

“We take power core,” Pipsy pointed at a core the size of herself. “Need for shields.”

Statement: Very well, Pipsqueak. You carry the core, and this most efficient unit shall carry the Master’s artifact.

Pipsy was silent for several moments.

“Maybe we not need power core that bad.”

Posted

HK trudged to the docking bay where his Master’s ship waited, oblivious to the incredulous stares of the meatbags he passed. In his hands was the Rakatan artifact, the Imprisoned One still contained within, and on his back was Pipsy, clinging to him wearily, having given up on walking halfway to Mos Ila.

“Pipsy thank nice droid for carrying. Make upgrades to weapon.”

Threat: Do not touch my weapon, Pipsqueak. Demand: Do not mention my carrying of you to Master. Had it been up to this unit, you would be rotting in the desert.

The droid walked up the boarding ramp of the ship and entered, drawing the stares of the four sitting at the round table. HK paused and carefully set the artifact down before detaching the Jawa from his shoulders and removing his blaster.

Confused Query: Master, are your photoreceptors working properly? There is a meatbag within two feet of you, still breathing I might add. Shall I liquidate him for you?

Ignite chuckled.

“Meatbag?” Andronikus stared up at the droid in a mixture of horror and confusion.

Clarifying Statement: Meatbag anatomy indicates your body is seventy five percent fluids. How you can stand all of that sloshing around is a conundrum to this unit’s higher programming. Query: Master, may I liquidate this undesirable now?

“I’m afraid not, HK,” Ignite shook his head, having just come out of the refresher moments before the droid’s arrival. “Add Andro to the list of meatbags to protect.”

HK was silent for a few moments. Statement: It is done, Master.

“Boss!” Pipsy rushed the table, causing Khem’s eyes to widen and his face to scrunch in disgust. Andronikus blanched and leaned back from the little creature.

“On the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh Jedi soiled themselves at my approach. Not even in the service of Tulak Hord have I smelt something so foul!” Khem rumbled.

“Make it bathe!” Andronikus begged, gagging.

Resolution: Shall I liquidate the Pipsqueak?

Ignite exhaled and breathed in through his mouth. “Pipsy,” he managed breathily. “You need a bath. The refresher is down the hall to the right.” He gestured behind him.

“No.”

Everyone froze. Khem’s mouth dropped open, and Andronikus felt a cold sweat bead on his brow; HK stared at the Jawa in something akin to respect.

Mocking Statement: Now the Pipsqueak shall be liquidated.

Ignite rubbed his forehead, contemplating how to handle this blatant disregard for his authority without harming the creature and managing to not appear weak in the eyes of his servants.

“Why not?” He questioned, genuinely curious.

“Waste water, no good,” Pipsy shook her head. “Me go, fix ship. Never seen! Very very nice!”

Ignite snatched the Jawa by the collar. “I promise you we have plenty of water to indulge. I must insist, Pipsy.” The Jawa squirmed. “Come, it’s not that bad, and you’ll feel better after,” the Sith assured. “I’ll even start it up for you.”

The Twi’lek deposited the Jawa, robes and all, in the refresher and turned the water as hot as he felt she could handle before departing and calling over his shoulder, “I’ll have some new robes for you when you get done.”

Pipsy babbled incoherently, spluttering and struggling with the foreign concept of showering. Ignite returned to his seat and was about to address HK when 2V-R8 approached.

“I have just finished applying a new coat of paint to your quarters, Master. Same color, only fresher!”

Statement: The worthless model approaches, Master.

“How rude!” 2V whirled on his counterpart. “You know my chassis wasn’t built for combat!”

Query: Master, why do you keep such an inferior model around when you have one with higher programming in your service?

“2V takes care of the things you won’t, HK,” Ignite pointed out, grabbing a deck of Pazaak cards and dealing. “Would you care to join us?”

Interjection: Master, you have not yet addressed the artifact I have brought you.

“Oh, right,” Ignite paused. “What is it, exactly? We found the artifact of Tulak Hord with the assistance of Andro here.”

Reply: This contains a new slave for you, Master.

“Oh?” Ignite perked up at that claim. “Who?”

Response: The Imprisoned One.

The Sith frowned. “If you’re trying to pull a joke, HK…”

HK straightened. Indignant Statement: This unit does not ‘joke’ as you meatbags put it. I am, however, well versed in threats across one hundred species and languages.

“I saw such prisons on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh,” Khem spoke. “They are older than the legacy of Tulak Hord himself.”

“Rakatan,” Andronikus rubbed his chin. “At least that’s what I make of it.”

Ignite shrugged. “Put it in the cargo bay, HK; good work, by the way.”

Pleased Statement: Thank you, Master.

“Now then, prepare to lose…” Ignite trailed as he looked down to note his ship was currently flooded with water. “How?”

Pipsy came bolting out in fresh black robes which were four sizes too big for her. She tripped and splashed over to Ignite. “Boss! Bath nice! Very very nice! Pipsy take! Go see ship now?”

Ignite nodded, confounded. The Jawa bolted down the nearest hallway, babbling. 2V came out of the refresher moments later. “There’s been a complication, Master! Don’t deactivate me!”

“Define complication,” Ignite folded his arms.

Amused Statement: Perhaps this unit shall be allowed to liquidate the inferior model.

“Mistress Pipsy clogged the drain, Master.”

Andronikus burst out laughing, slapping the table and shaking his head. “Hair,” he wheezed.

Ignite cracked a smile while Khem watched silently. “HK, mind cleaning that up?”

Confused Reply: Master, the sand has partially obscured my audioreceptors. Could you repeat that?

“Well, Jawa’s are hairy creatures,” Ignite informed. “So she must’ve clogged the drain when she took her bath.” The Sith looked up at his droid with a wry grin. “I thought you said two-vee-are-eight was useless? Use that higher programming to go fix the refresher.”

Exasperated Response: As if this unit would allow himself to be reduced to a mere—mere cleaning droid! That’s what Master has inferior models for! My assassination protocols would suffer greatly if this unit was reduced to such a low.

Ignite nodded sagely. “I suppose it’s a good thing we have two-vee here, huh?”

Emphatic Agreement: As always, Master, you are very correct. This unit is great—Self Berating: This unit has allowed himself to be tricked. Master, you are very good at this.

“So you won’t be cleaning the refresher?”

HK was silent.

“What about liquidating the inferior model?”

Informative Statement: This unit is going to take an oil bath, Master. Should you need my most excellent services feel free to find me.

With that said the droid turned and stormed off. Andronikus wiped his eyes and coughed, clearing his throat. “Never thought I’d laugh that much,” he admitted.

“I hunger,” Khem grabbed at his cards, tearing two in half.

“You’re always hungry,” Ignite looked up to see Khem holding one card, two others impaled on his claws, and the remaining of his deck in tatters. “And apparently you always destroy my Pazaak decks!”

“Tulak Hord never played Pazaak.”

“I’m not—“ Ignite heard several clangs and clinks which gave him pause. “Where’s Pipsy?” He questioned slowly.

Andronikus pointed. “That way.”

Ignite was up in a flash, using the Force to enhance his speed, hoping that the little Jawa was not destroying his precious ship. Andronikus and Khem watched the Twi’lek depart in the direction of his room and shrugged at one another.

“You know when you have your cards impaled like that I can see them, yeah?”

“On the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh I once at a Jedi in two bites.”

“Point taken,” Andronikus grunted.

Posted

Master! Pipsy is taking everything apart

*HK is lying on the floor, his chest open and his wires showing

Statement: No s**t

 

This is AWESOME! Can't wait to see what you do when you do include the rest of the characters.

 

Btw, who would win in an eating contest: Khem or Baras?:D

Posted
Ahahahahaha! I'm loving this. The image of the robes hanging from Khem's mouth is priceless. :D

 

This is great <3 :)

 

Thank you both! :D

 

Master! Pipsy is taking everything apart

*HK is lying on the floor, his chest open and his wires showing

Statement: No s**t

 

This is AWESOME! Can't wait to see what you do when you do include the rest of the characters.

 

Btw, who would win in an eating contest: Khem or Baras?:D

 

Khem, hands down. Was Baras on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh?

 

I think not. :p

Posted
Thank you both! :D

You're very welcome! :p

 

Khem, hands down. Was Baras on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh?

 

I think not. :p

Please...Darth Cartman's appetite could make even Khem nauseous.

 

Baras is the reason that donuts don't exist in Star Wars.

Posted

Statement: Master wishes this unit to inform the Meatbags that there will be spoilers for all Imperial storylines. Ominous Foreshadowing: This unit can confidently proclaim that--

Whatcha doing, HK?

Cautious Response: I am merely informing the Meatbags of your demands, Master.

Those aren't Meatbags, HK. Those are readers.

Rebellious Counter: They are Meatbags.

Oh? Pipsy! Come here please.

Boss call?! Pipsy here!

Sulking Statement: Master is cruel. Very well, they are readers.

And what do we say to those, HK?

Hesitant Reply: Thank you?

Eh, good enough.

 

A/N: There will be spoilers for all Imperial Storylines henceforth. Although none will be as Bioware told them, there will be names and places dropped along with other companions from classes other than the Inquisitor. For now the only upcoming spoilers are from the Imperial Agent line. Know that I am meshing stories together to make my own, so don't expect anything to go as it did in game.

 

Thank you to those who are reading, laughing, and commenting!

 

 

*****

 

 

 

Ignite rushed into his own room to find it surprisingly empty and paused, listening intently. The only other area the Jawa could be was across the hall where the hyperdrive resided. Ignite entered to find HK submerged in boiling oil, the droid's red eyes glaring out at the Jawa who was standing at a pedestal with a singular button.

Plea: Press the button, Pipsqueak. This unit will be most pleased.

Pipsy hesitated, considering her options. "Pipsy not trust droid. Droid mean to Pipsy."

"Isn't that the button that resets your Meatbag Protection List?" Ignite halted. "Ah, of course."

Scheming Reply: Why, yes, Master, it is. Such a button would allow me to liquidate this Pipsqueak with extreme prejudice.

"Boss!" Pipsy ignored the tantalizing button and tugged at Ignite's robes. "Pipsy fix hyperdrive! Work ten times faster now! Also fix bed to make not rattle when sleep! Pipsy replace lock on cargo bay too. No good. Now very very good! No one get through!"

"She's a nifty thing to have around isn't she, HK?" Ignite chuckled.

The droid stared quietly, refusing to respond.

"Come along, Pipsy," Ignite guided the Jawa out of the hyperdrive room. "You can upgrade the ship later. For now let's get two-vee to fix those robes."

"Boss let Pipsy play with ship?" Pipsy questioned hopefully.

"So long as you don't destroy anything, yes," Ignite nodded, passing her along to two-vee who trembled before vanishing as quickly as allowed.

The holoterminal in the center of the room flickered and began beeping, causing the Sith to sigh. He knew whow as calling him, and didn't care to speak with her at the moment. Khem and Andro looked up from their game of Pazaak (a game which Khem was dominating, Andro too scared to bother with playing for real). Ignite scoffed and activated the terminal, folding his arms and cocking his head to the side as his Master, Darth Zash, appeared.

"Apprentice, I do say it has been quite some time since last we spoke," Zash was clearly looking for something.

"Not long enough," Ignite muttered.

"What was that?" Zash's eyes flashed.

"Nothing," Ignite smirked.

"I've been studying the ancient texts of Tulak Hord," Zash turned around and grabbed a book. "Ah! Here it is! This text indicates that the next artifact will be waiting at Alderaan, and I've taken the liberty of calling in some favors to aid you in your quest."

There was a crash and a cry from two-vee somewhere back in the ship, which caused Ignite to look away.

"What was that?" Zash questioned.

"Nothing," Ignite waved it away as if swatting a fly. "I will head to Alderaan with all haste."

A form darted behind the Sith over to the table where Khem and Andro sat. Andro felt something snatch one of his blasters and gave a cry of outrage, falling to the ground in a desperate attempt to catch the little beast. Two-vee crawled over to Ignite; both of his legs gone, wires splayed in every which direction. "There's been a complication, Master!"

Pipsy babbled and stumbled past, her robes still four sizes too big, with Andro in hot pursuit, spewing a thread of curses at the Jawa. Zash watched silently before blinking.

"Was that a Jawa?"

"Uhh," Ignite looked over at two-vee. "You're breaking up!" he called, "Interference from a local asteroid field!"

"You're sitting at the Tatooine docking por--" Zash was cut off as Ignite cut the connection. "HK!" He roared.

HK emerged, blaster at the ready, with oil dripping from every section of his chassis. Annoyed Query: Yes, Master?

"Did you do this to two-vee?" He gestured to the droid.

HK cocked his head to the side. Confused Answer: My protocols would not allow me to do such a thing, Master. Perhaps you meant to ask if I wish to do such a thing? Or mayhaps you mean to query as to if I find the inferior model's predicament to my liking? Response: If so, then this unit is pleased to announce he is quite content with the inferior model's predicament.

Ignite rubbed his forehead. "Just go finish your bath," he waved away the droid. Satisfied Reply: With pleasure, Master. "You tried to take off Pipsy's robes, didn't you, two-vee?"

"Why, yes, Master," the droid nodded. "You were very specific in re-sizing Mistress Pipsy's robes."

"Jawa's don't like that," Ignite informed. "I assume she is the one who so viciously disabled you?"

"Yes, Master," two-vee sighed. "Mistress Pipsy ignited her lightsaber and took off both of my legs with one swipe. Please don't deactivate me!"

"Got you! Little demon!" Andronikus shook the Jawa roughly. "What did you do to my blaster?!"

"Pipsy fix! Make better! Sights off two microns, now better! Laser fire twice as fast with four times power! You like?"

Andronikus inspected the work before walking over to a training dummy and firing. He immediately noted the improvements and shook his head. "Handy little thing, isn't she?"

Ignite eyed the Jawa who was looking around at the ship with barely contained glee. "You have no idea," he muttered.

"Here," Andro tossed his other blaster to the Jawa who caught it and immediately began disassembling it while sitting on the floor.

"Utinni!"

"Captain, plot a course to Alderaan," Ignite commanded. "And see what you can do for two-vee once we're in hyperspace. Watch out, Pipsy says the hyperdrive is ten times faster now."

Andro snapped a mock salute, "Yes, sir!"

"Oh, thank you, Master!" Two-vee cried, crawling back in the direction of his room where he intended to fix Mistress Pipsy a new set of modified robes.

With the Jawa entertained, for the moment, Ignite sunk back into his chair where Khem stared him down with a fierce, unblinking gaze. The Dashade still had several cards impaled on his claws and the tattered remnants scattered along the table. Ignite eyed the cards before picking up his own hand and smirking. He smacked a card down on the table. "Pazaak!" He exclaimed with satisfaction. Khem carefully piled up all of the cards before picking them up, as best as he was able, and shoving them into his mouth where he began chewing.

"You're buying me a new deck with your allowance," Ignite pointed at the Dashade.

Khem continued chewing, uncaring.

 

Chapter Two: Pandemonium

 

By the time they reached Alderaan all was well in Ignite's world. Pipsy was still tinkering with every aspect of the ship and two-vee was successfully walking once more. The Jawa was now clothed in black robes that actually fit, her lightsaber tucked away in a pouch on her persona. Khem was hungry and Andronikus bored. HK patiently waited at the escape pod of the ship for his next set of orders.

Ignite approached the holoterminal and paged his Master; seconds later her image appeared, obviously flustered.

"I do not appreciate being cut off Appren--"

Statement: It is the undesirable meatbag, Master. Shall I liquidate her?

"And I hate that droid," she growled.

"Who are we to make contact with?" Ignite glanced over to his right to see Khem holding Pipsy by the collar, out of sight of Zash, and breathed an internal sigh of relief.

"I had the pleasure of speaking with Darth Jadus recently and traded some favors with him without Thanaton's knowing. He has a Diplomat Joiner residing on Alderaan who should be able to assist you."

"Joiner?"

"Really, Apprentice," Zash shook her head, "you should read more often."

"I prefer to kill things," Ignite countered.

Statement: Something the unit respects greatly, Master.

Zash rolled her eyes. "Joiners refer to those whom have become one with the Kilik hive mind."

Ignite and Andronikus blanched.

"On the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh I fought such creatures," Khem rumbled. "They are weak."

"Yet their ability to communicate as a hive is what we need, Apprentice," Zash ignored the Dashade. "Find Vector and use the Kiliks to find my artifact."

"Tulak Hord's artifact," Ignite corrected.

Zash frowned and disconnected.

"Shall we?" Ignite started for the airlock.

"I think I'll wait here," Andronikus leaned against the holoterminal. "Lot of people on Alderaan who don't really care for me."

"Fair enough," Ignite shrugged. "Come on, Khem. I know you're hungry."

"I obey, for now," Khem stomped off to the airlock.

HK and Pipsy followed Ignite out of the ship and soon the four were on solid ground stretching and breathing in the fresh air of Alderaan. Ignite knelt down and pulled out a leather strap with a clip on the end, attaching it the back of Pipsy's belt. He stood and present the other end to HK.

Query: A leash?

"Yep," Ignite gave HK a clap on his shoulder. "Could you imagine the damage she would do if allowed to roam free?"

Complaint: Master, I am not this Pispqueak's keeper! How am I to fire my weapon and hold this attachment?

"You'll figure it out," Ignite replied, confident.

HK shrugged and tied the end of the leash to his wrist. Compliance: Very well, Master.

"My datapad indicates Vector is in the mountains just north of here," Ignite stared at the digital map displayed, unaware of Pipsy pulling HK every which direction as she stared at the towering buildings and speeders going by. They exited the city and came to the grasslands and mountains, upon which Pipsy stopped and gawked.

"Boss! Green sands!" She pointed.

"That's grass, Pipsy," Ignite informed.

"It pretty! Pipsy like!" The Jawa flopped down and ran her hands through the grass while HK dragged her along, uncaring.

"Should be off to the right here," Ignite returned his datapad to his robes and fingered his lightsaber as they entered the mouth of a cave where two Kiliks stood. They both chattered at him and bowed their heads in respect.

Pipsy paused and stared up at the Kiliks. They stared back. She waved shyly. They waved and chittered. HK jerked the leash, well within the cave, and Pipsy jabbered as she fell flat on her stomach and was pulled, scratching and clawing in protest, into the cave. Inside Ignite noted a man with pitch black eyes appearing to be communing with another Kilik and folded his arms as he waited.

"Boss! Boss!" Pipsy pulled on Ignite's robes. "Pipsy find a...a...thing!" She held up what appeared to be a small bowl with a white substance sloshing within. Ignite whirled on his droid.

"You can't contain her for one minute?!" He hissed.

Smart Response: Master, I have followed your orders to the letter.

Ignite groaned. Pipsy approached the Dashade. "Pipsy find! You like?"

"I hunger," Khem's stomach growled.

"Take! Food here!"

Khem ate the substance, bowl and all, in one bite. The Dashade's eyes widened and he began trembling and growling. "What exactly did you just feed my Dashade, Pipsy?"

"A thing!" Pipsy said proudly.

"That was membrosia from the nest," Vector spoke up in a monotone voice, finally addressing his guests. "We are Dawn Herald of the nest and we have been expecting you."

"You know there's only one of you, yeah?" Ignite queried.

"What?"

"What is membrosia?" The Sith swapped topics.

"It heightens the senses," Vector explained. "Speed, endurance, stamina, and aggression."

Ignite smacked his forehead. "Know of any Jedi around here?"

"Yes, several," Vector nodded.

"The nearest ten, if you please," Ignite held out his datapad. Vector confusedly keyed in several coordinates and returned the datapad. "Thank you," Ignite replied. "Come on, Khem. I'm amazed you didn't try and eat Pipsy here in your current state."

The Dashade growled and followed his Master. Ignite paused mid-step and looked over his shoulder. "HK, you and Pipsy get my artifact while I pacify the Dashade."

Acceptance: Very well, Master. Greeting: Greetings, meatbag, this unit is looking forward to liquidating many undesirables. Query: Do you perhaps have somewhere I can deposit this Pipsqueak for the time being?

"We do not," Vector shook his head. "In fact, the nest knows very little of the artifacts you seek. We have, however, managed to find a house of Alderaan which may or may not contain knowledge of such a thing. In response to your question we do believe that you may have weapons free, as this house is a known affiliate of a terrorist organization."

Elated Response: This unit's reciprocator buzzes in anticipation of the liquidations forthcoming.

"House Cortess is very well-protected and will be hard to breach," Vector informed. "We have not yet come up with a proper strategy to overcome their defenses."

Confident Assurance: This unit will easily find a way inside.

"Then as Dawn Herald we would come with you, to watch and learn. Should you succeed the nest will want House Cortess to become a new nest for many more Kiliks."

"Pipsy like bug-creatures! They nice!"

Threat: Do not interfere, Pipsqueak. This unit wishes to liquidate undesirables without distraction.

"But Pipsy not upgrade shields!"

HK shook his head and pulled the Jawa along in the direction of the House Cortess complex, with Vector walking alongside him. The Dawn Herald observed the odd pair; the hive both confused and intrigued.

"We do not mean to intrude," the Dawn Herald spoke up, "but why do you have a Jawa attached to you?"

Shameful Reply: This unit does not know. Master is a cruel Master indeed.

Posted

Something told Ignite that the area on the map currently displayed on his datapad was important. Perhaps it was the label, “House Organa” or the Force warning the Sith. Perhaps it was the way Khem was currently slobbering at the mouth, saliva dripping from his lower jaw as he shook from hunger. Ignite shook his head as he regarded the Dashade; obviously membrosia affected hunger, because Khem was downright starving.

Returning his attention to the area they stood Ignite paused as he regarded a Republic banner fluttering in the wind. “Ah,” he stated flatly. “That’s why House Organa rings a bell.” The words were hardly out of his mouth when three Jedi dropped down from the rooftops, each igniting their green lightsabers and blocking the Sith’s path. “It’s times like these I wish I had HK,” Ignite muttered, igniting his own crimson lightsaber and preparing to do battle.

The Sith called upon the Force, preparing to unleash a torrent of lightning, when he was interrupted by Khem. The Dashade gave an unearthly howl and roared something that sounded like, “Food!” Ignite’s jaw dropped as the Dashade charged the surprised Jedi and wrapped his arms around the nearest one. The Jedi desperately shoved his lightsaber into Khem which had an equivalent effect to poking a beehive with a stick. Ignite cringed as the Jedi was swallowed in one bite; the lightsaber wound on the Dashade rapidly closed with the bolster of Force energy from the Jedi.

Khem didn’t give the other two time to consider the horror they just witnessed nor recuperate as he roared and charged once more. Both Jedi rolled away and Khem veered to the right in hot pursuit of one. The second came up and prepared to leap into the fray when he realized his fatal error: he’d forgotten the Sith. Lightning forked through the air and into the Jedi’s back, causing him to scream in agony. Ignite channeled enough lightning into the Jedi to thoroughly fry him before allowing the poor man to collapse, smoking.

The Sith turned to see Khem sitting on the ground, chewing contentedly on the remnants of the second Jedi. Robes and pieces of lightsaber were scattered around the Dashade and his eyes were glazed over in satisfaction; having finally satiated his burning hunger. Khem swallowed and looked up as his Master approached. “Feeling better?” Ignite folded his arms and raised an eyebrow, his lekku twitching in amusement.

“Even on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh I never experienced such hunger,” Khem rumbled. “I wish to devour the Pipsqueak when we return.”

“Afraid I can’t allow that,” Ignite snorted. “Just let this be a lesson to you: never eat something offered by a Jawa.”

Khem was silent in thought before he nodded slowly. “I will consider these words,” Khem stood and stretched. “Are there more Jedi for me to devour, Master?”

Ignite turned on his heel as he felt a tremor in the Force. Four Jedi were waiting patiently, none having the nerve or, as Ignite called it, common sense, to stab the Sith in the back. “Looks like the food is coming to us this time, buddy,” Ignite chuckled.

 

*****

 

HK, Vector, and Pipsy approached the entrance to House Cortess in silence. HK paused at a holoterminal and pressed a button, checking to make sure his blaster had not been tampered with by the Pipsqueak. Vector stood at attention with his hands clasped firmly behind his back, ignoring Pipsy who was running circles around, “Bug Man,” as she called him, and demanding an explanation on why his eyes were black.

A full minute passed by before the holoterminal finally flickered to life, the image of human male, in full armor, appearing. “House Cortess is currently on lockdown to resolve an internal issue and cannot entertain—“

Interruption: The meatbag will allow this unit to enter the premises and recover the Master’s artifact. Failure to comply will result in extreme liquidation of all undesirables. Admittance: This unit hopes the meatbag refuses so that the liquidations may commence, but Master demands we employ negotiation once out of every ten encounters.

The guard remained silent until his eyes found Vector. “You there,” he pointed at the Dawn Herald. “Call off your droid or we’ll be forced to activate our defenses.”

Vector cocked his head to the side. “We do not fear your defenses. The nest wishes to expand to this complex and so we too hope you refuse the droid’s demands.”

Statement: The time to surrender the artifact has passed. This unit will now commence with extreme liquidations. HK removed his blaster, flicked the safety off, and fired three times at the holoterminal. All three missed horribly. The droid whirled on Pipsy, the Jawa having jerked the leash attached to his wrist and thus diverting the shots. Pipsy pointed innocently at the Dawn Herald.

Agitated Query: Will the meatbag take the Pipsqueak so this unit may commence?

Vector held out his hand, a small smirk on his features, and took Pipsy’s leash. Pipsy hid behind Vector’s legs while HK returned to the image of the guard once more.

Reiteration: This unit will now commence liquidations. HK fired three times and the holoterminal shut down. Vector looked down to see the leash missing its Jawa and balked as he saw her, lightsaber ignited, wandering over to the automated defense turrets. An intercom for the facility squeaked to life before the voice of the guard emanated from within. “Activate defenses!”

HK placed several thermite charges on the wall in a circular pattern before walking away casually, Vector at his side. The Dawn Herald watched as Pipsy rushed over babbling, her arms full of random parts and salvage. The automated turrets remained motionless behind them.

“We are confused,” Vector spoke up. “How did the turrets not activate?”

Statement: This unit calculated the time it would take the Pipsqueak to break free of her leash and wreak proper havoc on anything not bolted shut. I believe we are far enough from the blast radius. Wishful Statement: A pity the Pipsqueak will not be caught in the blast radius. HK pressed the button on his remote detonator and the thermite charges exploded, blasting a massive hole into the wall of the complex. The droid began walking through the smoke with Vector at his side.

“What would have happened had you not given us the leash?” Vector questioned.

Reply: Then this unit would have been forced to make different calculations. The Pipsqueak knows better than to break the leash when attached to me. HK fired several times and screams of agony emanated from the smoke within the complex. Pipsy babbled something and rushed off, vanishing from sight seconds later. HK continued his warpath with impunity, methodically making his way to the front door of the palace. Vector was able to get some combat with his electrostaff but found that HK was quite efficient at liquidation.

By the time they reached the door the perimeter of the palace had gone eerily silent; most dead or too scared to show themselves with the droid in the vicinity. HK reached up and banged his metal fist against the door, the boom echoing throughout the grounds. A shaky voice from the other side called out, “Go away! I’ve got a handful of pyro grenades that I’m not afraid to use!”

Mocking Statement: The meatbag will need an exponentially greater amount of power to breach this unit’s chassis. There is no known entity that has ever managed to see the brilliance of my creation other than Master; and I am forced to shut down when he works on—HK halted as he felt his right thigh panel open and looked down to see Pipsy babbling and holding a wrench.

“Droid walk funny! Pipsy fix!”

Threat: The Pipsqueak will cease all hostilities against this unit or be used as a battering ram for the door.

“Pipsy not hostile! Fix droid! Walk funny.”

Indignant Retort: This unit does not, “walk funny!” That is part of my higher programming. It is a predatory gait.

Pipsy shook her head and readied her wrench. “Walk funny.”

HK plucked the Jawa up by her collar, and firmly closed his thigh plating before presenting her to the door. Ominous Assurance: If the meatbag does not open the door then this unit will be forced to do something drastic. There was no reply and the door remained firmly locked. HK shrugged and walked away with Pipsy still in hand; Vector followed.

Directive: The Pipsqueak will enter the facility and disable the magnetic locking mechanisms on the door with extreme prejudice.

“Pipsy fix door!” The Jawa promised. “Why droid no come?”

Regretful Reply: I used all of the thermite on the wall.

Pipsy nodded and fished around for her lightsaber, eventually finding it stashed away in a side pouch, and activated it. HK held the Jawa as she cut a hole small enough for her to fit through in the wall; once done he chucked her inside the palace and turned to face Vector.

Statement: Now we wait.

Posted (edited)
So...much...Diet Pepsi...on monitor... *wheeze, puff, laugh*

 

You sound like Baras after walking to the corner store.

Edited by Xakthul
Posted
You sound like Baras after walking to the corner store.

Except he wouldn't be drinking Diet. He'd be tearing the machine apart so he could guzzle the raw Dr. Pepper syrup.

Posted
You sound like Baras after walking to the corner store.

 

Except he wouldn't be drinking Diet. He'd be tearing the machine apart so he could guzzle the raw Dr. Pepper syrup.

 

And Baras sounds like that after walking to the other side of the room! Walking to the corner store would kill him.

Posted

Back on the ship Andornikus had dozed off; the pirate finding solace in the fact that he was safe on the ship of a Sith and currently in said Sith's employ. The beeping of the holoterminal jolted him awake and he rubbed his eyes to clear the fog before answering. An image of Ignite flickered to life, the Sith kneeling down and shaking his head. “Andro,” he called.

“Sir?”

“I need you to bring the ship to these coordinates,” Ignite grunted, heaving on something. “And I think we’re going to need a crane.”

Andronikus raised an eyebrow. “May I ask why?”

“Khem ate too much,” Ignite stood with a disgusted look on his face. The image flickered as the Twi’lek turned and sent a gout of lightning into something out of view before turning back to Andronikus. “I’m kind of surrounded by Jedi,” Ignite stated dryly. “Haste would be appreciated.”

“On it,” Andro cut the feed and rushed to the pilot’s chair, firing up the ship while punching in the coordinates Ignite send through his datapad. Two minutes later Andronikus was on his way to Ignite, curious as to how the Sith Lord got in his current predicament in the first place. As the Fury took to the skies Andronikus looked out his portside window to see House Cortess go up in flames. He blanched when he saw an army of what appeared to be bug-creatures pouring into the palace moments later.

“Glad I didn’t leave the ship,” he muttered. He brought the ship in low as he approached the coordinates, surprised to see a Republic banner and the banners of House Organa floating in the wind; even the pirate knew the staunch relationship the two shared. In the center of the courtyard was a bloated Khem, the Dashade’s stomach was at least five times bigger than normal, and the hulking beast was on his back, breathing heavily. Andronikus set the ship down and activated the automated defenses before climbing a ladder to a separate turret.

Seconds later the courtyard was cleared with no more Jedi or Republic soldiers forthcoming and Ignite finally deactivated his lightsaber, the Sith feeling the first touches of fatigue since his trials on Korriban. Ignite looked down at Khem to see what appeared to be the sleeve of a robe sticking from his mouth and reached down to remove it. He was surprised when Khem clamped down and started chewing.

“You’re still eating?!” He gawked, yanking on the robe unsuccessfully.

Khem swallowed and burped as Andronikus lowered the ramp and came out of the ship. “Ugh,” he blanched. “What’s that smell?”

Ignite pointed at the Dashade.

“Almost as bad as the Jawa,” the pirate muttered.

“I think we have a winch somewhere in there,” Ignite rubbed his chin in thought, ignoring the sweat that rolled down his forehead.

“How many?” Andronikus questioned.

“I lost count at twenty two,” Ignite shrugged.

“That’s it?” The pirate looked around in disbelief; there were at least thirty bodies scattered about.

“Oh,” Ignite chuckled. “I was speaking about how many Khem ate. I probably killed fifty or so.”

“Bet your droid won’t like that,” Andro pointed out.

Ignite looked at the smoke rising in the distance and shrugged. “I’m sure he’s entertaining himself. Lets get Khem on the ship.”

The pirate followed the Sith into the Fury and watched as Ignite grabbed a steel chain thicker than his wrist. “You sure we’re gonna need something that heavy?”

Ignite paused. “He’s got over twenty Jedi in him.”

“Forget I said anything,” Andro grabbed further down the chain and heaved. “Sorry I didn’t have time to bring a crane.”

“It’s—“ Ignite pressed his hand to his ear, activating his receiver. “Yes, HK?”

Statement: The Pipsqueak has effectively obliterated the compound. Accusation: Anything the Pipsqueak says to the contrary is a lie! She most definitely did not, “fix” anything as she claims!

“Do you have the artifact?” Ignite inquired.

Acknowledgement: Yes, Master. The meatbags were in possession of what was rightfully yours. It seems the Pipsqueak did not desecrate it.

Ignite heard a bit of static followed by muffled chatter before he heard another voice. “That Boss?! Boss!” Pipsy called. “Pipsy fix door!”

Threat: Get off of me, Pipsqueak before I use you as a heat shield for the next excursion into the debris!

“Behave, HK,” Ignite chuckled, shaking his head.

Plea: Master, this unit humbly requests you come acquire the Pipsqueak.

“How’s Vector? And we’ll be on our way shortly.”

“Bug Man nice! “Pipsy called. “Go with Bug Men! Build home! Many many homes!”

Agitated Reply: The meatbag was contacted by Imperial Intelligence shortly after the Pipsqueak blew up the palace; something about a Cipher Agent on his way to investigate. Advisory Statement: Master, it would be wise to leave the premises immediately.

“We’re on our way,” Ignite flicked off his receiver and turned to see Andronikus finished with wrapping the chain around Khem. “Ready to go, Captain?”

“Always,” Andro smirked. “But I can’t say how this will play out for your pet here.”

Khem mumbled something.

“What was that?” Andro leaned down.

“I hung—“ Khem groaned and his stomach gurgled ominously before all hell broke loose.

Ignite noted the change in the Dashade’s coloring and bolted up the ramp, shouting over his shoulder as he ran.

“Take cover!!!”

Unfortunately for Andronikus it was too late.

 

*****

 

HK watched the Jawa crawling over scrap heaps, the droid wishing he could end the little nuisance’s life. Pipsy babbled and whipped out her lightsaber, shoving it into the heap and moving it in a circular motion before retracting the saber and crawling into the makeshift hole.

Observation: Master does not use his weapon in such a distasteful manner.

Pipsy emerged with what appeared to be a small power core. “This nice! Very nice! Generate ten times more power than what in Mean Droid. Pipsy take, show boss!”

HK stiffened. Retort: There is no hardware that can improve my chassis. I am the pinnacle achievement of sentient meatbags in the galaxy.

Pipsy stuffed the power core into a pouch, ignoring how it bulged and stuck out. “Mean Droid power ship?”

Reply: No.

“Then power core not best,” Pipsy pointed out, returning to her salvage. HK stomped over, recovering the artifact he felt was too close to the Pipsqueak. The droid then returned to his post, the artifact in hand.

Statement: Master will be most displeased with the destruction wrought here.

“Boss want artifact. We find. Boss happy.”

HK’s red photoreceptors bored holes into the Jawa. Acknowledgement: The Pipsqueak is correct. This once.

Both Jawa and droid turned their heads upwards as Ignite’s ship flew overhead, landing a few meters away in the center of the scorched plaza. HK shouldered his blaster, grabbed the artifact and plucked the Jawa, who squawked in protest, up by the collar before throwing her over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes. The moment the droid touched the ramp the ship began lifting off, the airlock sealing and allowing the two onto the ship.

HK dropped the Jawa, who scampered off immediately, and turned his attention to his Master. Ignite was leaned against the holoterminal and HK’s scanners showed the Sith was weary and agitated. HK set the artifact down and stood at attention. Greeting: Master.

“Dare I ask what happened?”

HK cocked his head to the side. Statement: The Pipsqueak and I recovered your artifact, Master.

Ignite rolled his eyes. “Is that how you want to play?”

Honest Reply: This unit does not know what happened, Master. I gave the Jawa access to the palace with directives to disable the magnetic locking mechanism on the door.

Ignite smacked his forehead. “You let Pipsy run loose alone in the palace?”

HK shrugged. Answer: Yes, Master. This unit ran out of thermite charges.

“Boss!” Pipsy tugged at the Sith’s robes, having finished stowing away her salvage. “Pipsy find a thing!” She held up the power core proudly.

Ignite knelt down. “What happened in the palace, Pipsy?”

Pipsy whirled on the droid. “Pipsy fix door! Tell Mean Droid! Very very mean to Pipsy. Mean Droid try to use Pipsy as battering ram!”

Counter: This unit did no such thing. I merely threatened with such a punishment had you continued hostilities.

“Pipsy fix Mean Droid walk! It off!”

HK stiffened. “It is a predatory gait!”

Ignite groaned.

Query: Is all well, Master? My bioscans are showing you are operating on adrenaline and a healthy amount of horror.

“Master!” 2V-R8 came charging out of the medical bay. “Khem has been subdued and I am now in the process of extricating the Jedi remains from his—“

“Yeah, thanks,” Ignite closed his eyes, trying to blot out the image. “Just get it done.”

“Perfection is my goal, Master!” 2V returned to his duties.

Andronikus emerged from the refresher seconds later, drawing an immediate smirk to Ignite’s features. The pirate scowled and reached for his blasters, prepared to threaten the Sith if he so much as snorted, and gawked as he saw Pipsy go running off with both held high over her head. “Hey!” He roared, stumbling after the Jawa.

“Just a busy day,” Ignite wandered off to the refresher. “Good work, HK. Go relax. Take an oil bath. Recalibrate.”

HK nodded once. Admission: I shall do all three, Master.

 

*****

 

Ignite emerged from the refresher with a sigh, glad to be clean, and noted his crew missing. The Sith shrugged and looked over at his holoterminal to see it currently showing no missed calls and grinned. “Finally!” He stretched. “A break! I think I’ll go take a nap.” The Sith made his way to his room and looked into the hyperdrive room to see HK submerged in oil, the droid’s red photoreceptors following his every move. “Taking a nap, HK,” he informed. The droid nodded.

The Twi’lek exhaled and collapsed onto his bed without a thought, immediately falling asleep. After what seemed like days he awoke groggily, feeling an acute disturbance in the force. He opened his eyes to see a blue blob standing over his bed and rubbed his eyes, hoping to clear his vision. What greeted him was the ghost of a man wearing a Sith mask, standing at attention and watching him. Ignite was immediately awake and called his lightsaber to his hand, igniting it. “HK!” He roared.

“Halt, flesh of my flesh,” the ghost held out his hand, addressing the Twi’lek. “I must speak with you, and do not have much time.”

Ignite blinked as he stared at his doorway. HK stormed in, the droid obviously peeved at having his calibrations interrupted. Query: Yes, Master?

“What happened to you?” Ignite stared, dumbfounded. HK looked down.

Assurance: I will liquidate that Pipsqueak.

Posted

HK looked down slowly and nearly dropped his blaster in shock. The droid’s once shiny copper chassis was now painted a bright pink with purple polka dots. The usually red photoreceptors now shone a sky blue as they regarded their Master, begging for permission to liquidate the one responsible. Ignite bit back a laugh, still confused as to the presence of the ghost and how HK was caught off-guard by Pipsy. The thought of the ghost instantly had the Sith back on the defensive, and he focused his gaze once more on the ethereal being.

“HK, do you see this?”

Distracted Acknowledgment: Yes, Master. The droid immediately fired three blaster shots which had Ignite desperately blocking with his lightsaber, deflecting them into the ceiling. Agitated, Ignite fired a burst of lightning which HK casually sidestepped. 2V-R8 walked in the doorway just in time to intercept the bolt of lightning; the protocol droid was adorned in similar colors as HK: lavender paint and pink polka dots.

“There’s been a complica-a-a-a-a-a-a-t-t-t-t-i-i-i-o-o-o-o-n-n-n-n-n.” He stammered before falling to the ground in a smoking husk.

“HK!” Ignite roared.

Satisfied Statement: At last the inferior model gets what’s deserved. Confused Query: Yes, Master?

“You fired at me!” Ignite flapped his arms at the ghost who remained passive, for the time being. “THAT is your target!” The Sith pointed dramatically.

HK cocked his head to the side and blinked once. Realization: Master, the Pipsqueak interrupted my calibrations. Clearly this unit’s assassination protocols need readjusted. Hopeful Query: Shall I liquidate the Pipsqueak for placing you in danger, Master?”

“Perhaps I should not warn you, flesh of my flesh.” The ghost rubbed his forehead in agitation.

“Oi!” Andronikus stumbled into the doorway. “Egads!” He gawked at the smoking remnants of 2V. “What happened?”

Reply: Master terminated the inferior---

“Now’s not a good time, HK!” Ignite snapped.

“Tulak Hord would have done much more damage,” Khem scoffed from behind the pirate, regarding the droid in amusement.

“Oh, says the one who had to have a colonosc—“

“I will fix the droid,” Khem dragged 2V away, the metal husk making an screeching against the floor of the ship.

Andro opened his mouth to comment and paused, rapidly turning to the side and snatching at something. “Gotcha!” He exclaimed. “Little devil was trying to modify my blasters again.”

“Pipsy fix!” The Jawa was thrust into the doorway, held by the collar. “Make blasters better!”

Plea: Master, may I liquidate the Pipsqueak?

“A Jawa?” The ghost snorted. “Flesh of my flesh, you are insane—“

“NOT helping!” Ignite roared. “Pipsy!” He spat out the name. “Pray tell me why you painted—“

“Pipsy make Mean Droid nice!” Pipsy pointed at HK who straightened. “Fix eyes! Make pretty! Fix weak chassis. Make pretty! Pipsy also prettify Nice Droid! Very very nice!”

Ignite drug his hand down his face, baffled.

Indignant Retort: This unit’s chassis is not classified as, “weak!” I have never had my chassis breached by any undesirable… HK trailed off as Pipsy whipped out a screwdriver from her robes and twisted in Andro’s grip, easily prying open HK’s chassis.

Threat: The Pipsqueak will cease hostilities against this unit at once.

“This is the hope of my legacy?!” The ghost gestured incredulously at Ignite. “Oh, flesh of my flesh, how far have we fallen?”

Ignite swiped his lightsaber at the ghost; it passed harmlessly through and barely missed Pipsy, who squeaked and babbled. “Pipsy fix Mean Droid! Turn back to Mean! Boss no hurt! Pipsy sorry!”

“No!” Ignite watched as Pipsy detached herself from Andro with practiced ease and activated her lightsaber, cleanly taking the legs off of HK. The droid collapsed in a heap and Andro’s mouth dropped open. “Pipsy improve! Make much better! Boss see! Then be happy!”

Desperate Cry: Meatbag, save me!

“Uhhh,” Andro watched as Pipsy heaved the droid into the hyperdrive room. “I would, HK, but she really is good with modifications.”

Agitated Response: This unit DOES NOT need modific— HK cut off as Pipsy deactivated him and pried open his chassis.

“My beautiful droid,” Ignite muttered in disbelief as he watched the Jawa massacre his crowning achievement.

“Yeah,” Andro eased away from the door. “I’m going to go check on Khem and leave you with the—well—whatever it is.”

“I am Lord Kallig, and you are my descendant, flesh of my flesh,” the ghost introduced himself, displeased with Ignite’s distraught look. “I have expended too much energy to come here and my time is limited.”

“My droid…” Ignite droned.

“Your Master, Darth Zash, has plans, flesh of my flesh. I cannot say what those are, but you deliver the very means of your doom to her. You must acquire my lightsaber if you hope to have any defense against her. It is in the tombs of Korriban, buried within a section of Tulak Hord’s—“

“You will not defile the legacy of Tulak Hord—“ Khem interrupted from across the ship.

“BAD TIME!” Ignite cut the Dashade off.

“Whatever you do, flesh of my flesh, ensure that Darth Zash does not succeed. She does not have the strength to lead the Sith to a new age of power, but you do. Redeem our legacy, flesh of my flesh; the legacy of Kallig!” With that command the ghost faded from the ship, returning to the Force and leaving Ignite alone. The ship’s intercom beeped and Ignite slammed his fist into the button.

“What?!”

“Just wondering where you’re wanting to go, boss,” Andro spoke in a subdued tone.

“Korriban,” Ignite cut the transmission and went to the holoterminal of his ship and began to call Darth Zash. Seconds later his Master fizzled to life and appeared to scramble to pull her hood up.

“Apprentice!” She exclaimed, clearly out of breath. “I wasn’t expecting a call so soon.”

“I have your artifacts,” Ignite informed dryly.

“Oh, excellent!” Zash replied, whirling and ensuring her hood was drawn low over her face. “Meet me on Dromund Kaas, and bring the artifacts and your Dashade. This ritual to enhance your power is very much Force involved, so I would strongly suggest leaving the pirate and droid on your ship.”

Pipsy appeared behind Ignite, dragging a rather large power core to the hyperdrive room.

“And leave that Jawa on your ship too. Really, Apprentice, if you wanted a slave I could arrange—“

“Not a good time,” Ignite snarled.

“We all have our guilty pleasures...“

Ignite cut the feed, shaking his head. “Khem!” He roared.

“Even on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh Tulak Hord never addressed me in such a way,” Khem rumbled, poking his head out of the med bay.

“I’m not Tulak Hord,” Ignite countered.

“I am painfully aware of that,” Khem returned to the droid.

“Dashade’s,” Ignite muttered, forgetting what he was going to ask the beast. The Sith fingered his lightsaber and began pacing, refusing to go in the direction of HK. Truth be told the Twi’lek didn’t think he could handle such a precious marvel being decimated by a Jawa. His loyalty was torn: he loved both Jawas and HK on almost equal terms.

“Are we there yet, Andro?” Ignite called.

“Coming out of hyperspace now!” Andro informed, and the Sith felt the ship lurch.

“Get me on the surface, near Tulak Hord’s tomb, and keep everyone else on the ship,” Ignite threw on his cloak. “I won’t be long.”

“You will not defile the legacy of Tulak—“

“One more word and I’ll melt the whole tomb!” Ignite shouted.

“I obey, for now,” Khem acquiesced.

It didn’t take long and Ignite was soon breathing the stagnant air of Korriban, where death seemed to wait at every turn. Ignite didn’t even bother waiting for the ship to land; he hopped off the ramp to the ground and ignited his lightsaber, charging into the tomb with a murderous intent.

“Bets on how long he takes?” Andro leaned against the doorway of the med bay. Somehow the Dashade had managed to tear the arms off of 2V and Andro raised an eyebrow as he saw Khem’s claws puncture the droid’s chassis. “Want some help with that?”

“Even on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh we never experienced such trials,” Khem muttered.

Andro paused. “What exactly did you do on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh?”

Khem blinked. “I hunger.”

“Noted,” Andro shut up.

 

Ignite returned to the ship an hour later, Kallig’s lightsaber in hand, coated in blood; he set the lightsaber on the table and stormed into the refresher, yelling out as he did. “Dromund Kaas!”

Andro and Khem entered the room, a restored 2V-R8 following. “Dare you to touch it,” Andro pointed at the lightsaber.

Khem considered the dare then removed himself to the storage bay.

“Oh, I cannot tell you how Master’s presence always warms my circuits!” 2V exclaimed. “It reminds me I am still functioning.”

“You weren’t an hour ago,” Andro made his way to the pilot’s chair.

“I beg your pardon, Master Andronikus?”

“Nothing,” Andro punched in the coordinates and activated the hyperdrive. Ignite emerged from the refresher with a small sigh, happy to see at least one thing working on his ship. 2V greeted him immediately.

“Can I get you anything, Master? A nice hot meal? A foot massage perhaps?”

“HK,” Ignite shoved past the droid and entered the hyperdrive room, surprised to see his droid standing at attention, his photoreceptors, now red, blinking idly as Pipsy ran circles around him, adjusting things left and right.

Greeting: Master.

“How are you, HK?”

Diagnostic: All is well, Master. My Meatbag Protection List is still in effect, otherwise the Pipsqueak would be liquidated. My chassis is restored, my photoreceptors are restored with minor improvements. All in all this unit has noted a one point three percent increase in efficiency. Begrudging Compliment: It seems the Pipsqueak did improve something.

“Pipsy fix!” The Jawa babbled. “Install shields and grappling hook for Mean Droid! Also make droid Mean again!”

Acknowledgement: A title I am most happy to bear, Pipsqueak.

“Pipsy also add smoke to droid! Very very good! Make many confused, including Pipsy. Pipsy also make droid armor stronger; but not Pipsy proof!”

Ignite sighed in relief. “So your assassination protocols are still intact, HK?”

Mocking Query: Why, Master, is that affection I am detecting in your tone?

Ignite scowled. “Just get yourself back to normal. I’d hate to have to terminate you.”

Reply: With pleasure, Master. Will this unit be allowed to liquidate the Undesirable Meatbag?

“You mean Zash?” Ignite looked over his shoulder. “I suppose you can tag along up to the Temple and liquidate everything along the way. I would like to see what this increase in efficiency looks like.”

“Pipsy fix!” The Jawa ran up and hugged Ignite’s legs, earning a small pat on the head.

“You’ll be coming also, Pipsy,” Ignite informed, “and Khem.”

“Don’t worry about me,” Andro yelled sarcastically. “I’ll just play Pazaak by myself!”

“You have two-vee!” Ignite fired back.

“Perfection is my goal, Master!” The droid quipped.

Andronikus groaned.

“All is finally back to normal,” Ignite smiled slightly, feeling confident in handling whatever Zash decided to throw at him. “I’m going to take a nap,” he called to his crew. “Wake me when we’re on Kaas.” The Sith sunk onto his bed and was out within minutes, happily dreaming of finally becoming a Sith Lord himself. All too soon he was awoken by the beeping of his intercom and was forced to answer.

“Yeah?” He rubbed his eyes and checked the clock. Two hours of sleep.

“We’re here,” Andro’s voice informed.

“Time for my promotion then,” Ignite rolled out of bed with a grin, immediately awake. “HK! Pipsy! Khem!”

 

*****

Posted

Today on Imperial News Network: Korriban Slaughter.

Reports are pouring in of an abnormal death toll in the tomb of Tulak Hord, oft times a training ground of sorts for potential Sith. It seems that the kills are rather fresh, indicating that whoever, or whatever, did this left in a hurry and recently. The Sith Lords of Korriban are most displeased that they are being forced to wait to send their recruits to trials in the tomb due to a total lack of sentient life. Images of the tomb are still being sifted through, and most are censored.

This reporter can assure you that you do not want to see them; I threw up for an hour straight and will have nightmares for a week. Needless to say the Empire has taken swift and decisive action against such wanton slaughter. With the backing of the Sith, the Emperor has ordered the current Champion of the Great Hunt to investigate and hunt down this monster. Whether or not the creature will be killed or rewarded has yet to be seen.

We here at the INN assume the latter.

 

Andronikus nearly fell out of his chair, having turned on the holo-news the moment Ignite and Company left the ship. “Guess I’ll have to tell him about that one,” he chuckled, shaking his head. “Makes me really wonder what exactly went on in that tomb.”

“Master Andronikus, can I get you anything? A hot meal perhaps? A foot massage?” 2V-R8 walked into the cockpit.

“That sounds great,” Andronikus removed his boots. “I’ll take both.”

“I live to serve, Master!” The droid hurried away.

“Glad I rebuilt that droid,” Andro placed his hands behind his head and sighed contentedly.

 

*****

Posted
Message to self: DO NOT READ AT WORK!

at least not unless alone and door is closed!

 

Just wanted to let you know, that I like this story.

Luckily, I work at home and no one is here to give me strange looks when I laugh out loud. :D

Posted
Message to self: DO NOT READ AT WORK!

at least not unless alone and door is closed!

 

Just wanted to let you know, that I like this story.

 

Thank you! I am glad people are laughing! I know I crack up when writing it. :)

Posted

Statement: Master wishes this unit to inform the Meatbags---

"Ah, ah! Readers!"

Correction: Meatbag Readers.

"Eh, good enough."

Continuation: That the following Chapter contains Bounty Hunter spoilers and Chapter One END spoilers for the Sith Inquisitor.

 

A/N: As stated previously, I intend to spoil just about every Imp storyline, but in my own way. This chapter does reference the BH companions and definitely spoils the SI ending of Chapter 1. Just a friendly warning!

 

Thank you to all who are reading! :)

 

Chapter Three: Zash

 

“Something tells me you know something about this ritual Zash is performing,” Ignite eyed Khem warily. The Dashade remained impassive, staring with unblinking eyes at his Master. “Care to tell me what Tulak Hord used these for?”

“I served on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh and have never seen such things, little Sith,” Khem rumbled. “Tulak Hord kept many secrets, and I was not privy to all of them.”

Ignite raised an eyebrow. “Then how do you know these are Tulak Hord’s artifacts?”

“It is inscribed on the artifact,” Khem gestured with a claw to the base on the artifact.

Pipsy jumped up and snatched the artifact from Ignite, turning it over and rubbing the dust away with the sleeve of her robe. Her yellow eyes peered up at Ignite, questioning. “Boss! What say?”

“Property of Tulak Hord,” Ignite smirked. “Really, Khem? He had to label his things?”

“I don’t see us carting around an artifact of your making,” Khem countered.

Statement: The Hulking Meatbag has a point.

“Stay out of this, HK,” Ignite pointed at the droid. HK ignored his Master, for the time being, and snatched his Mandalorian blaster from his back, flicking the safety off and reveling in the feeling of being allowed weapons free.

Acquiescence: This unit will obey and liquidate the undesirables.

Ignite sighed as he noted the Dark Temple looming in the distance; all they had to do was go up a winding road infested with large, hungry, beasts and then climb several sets of stairs with corrupted Imperials loitering around. The Sith glanced at his datapad one more time to confirm the coordinates sent by Zash and gave a disgusted grunt.

“Who thought to make this place, anyway?” He gestured at the looming monolith in the distance. “The Dark Temple,” he said sarcastically. “Spooky!”

“Pipsy no like scary place,” the Jawa pointed. “Feel bad energies. Very very bad.”

“Tulak Hord helped build the Dark Temple,” Khem pointed out. “What did Ignite build?”

Ignite prepared a scathing retort when HK gave a cry of triumph and raised his arm. Exultant Statement: You’re already dead! Just lie down! The droid’s hand suddenly shot from his arm like a cannon, disappearing over a hill; Ignite could’ve sworn he heard an ulp! The Sith waited and HK appeared to consider something before the droid turned to stare at Pipsy.

Genuine Query: How do I reel in the grappling hand, Pipsqueak?

“That easy!” Pipsy babbled, beckoning HK to bend over; the droid complied. “Hit button on arm, right here.” Pipsy smacked the button. “Send Mean Droid to bad ones!”

Alarm: What?! HK flew through the air, vanishing over the hill. Seconds later smoke erupted into the air. Ignite and Khem shared a glance.

“Guess the smoke she installed is working.”

“Smoke good! Very very good!” Pipsy nodded enthusiastically. “Confuse enemies!”

Several blaster shots flew through the air, and Ignite sent one into the dirt with his lightsaber. “It also confuses HK,” he noted.

“Pipsy fix!” The Jawa promised. “Give Mean Droid better eyes!”

HK stomped over the hill and down the path with his blaster gripped tightly in his remaining hand. Ignite raised an eyebrow and his lekku twitched in amusement as he noted HK’s other hand, the one launched, was nothing more than a metal cord dragging through the dirt.

“Where’s your hand?” The Sith pointed.

Reply: There seems to be a problem with my functions, Master. The Pipsqueak did not explain how to retract the grappling hand.

“That other arm,” Pipsy responded. “Press button.”

HK blinked once. Agitated Query: With what hand?

Pipsy drew her finger to her chin, thinking.

Request: This unit wishes to liquidate the Pipsqueak, Master.

“You know I can’t allow that,” Ignite frowned.

Diagnostic: It would seem this unit’s efficiency has decreased by one point three percent then.

The Sith rolled his eyes. Pipsy gave a squeak and babbled something at HK. The droid blinked again.

Command: Repeat that, Pipsqueak.

“Use face!” Pipsy jumped at HK. “Hit button!”

HK turned his photoreceptors to Ignite, pleading with his Master. The Twi’lek shrugged. HK slammed his face into his arm, and the grappling hand immediately began to retract. Soon enough the droid’s hand was reattached along with his victim, a crazed Imperial who had long turned blue from lack of air. Ignite blanched.

“Can you release the dead one, HK?”

HK cocked his head to the side. Acknowledgement: Yes, Master. The droid released his death grip on the man’s throat and the body began to fall down to the ground. It wasn’t fast enough. In a blink Khem was there, snatching the body out of the air and roaring with victory. Ignite managed to cover the Jawa’s eyes so she didn’t witness the horror.

“You just ate!” Ignite screamed at Khem. “Poor two vee had to do a freaking—“

Khem whirled on his Master, an arm sticking out of his mouth. “Do not mention that, little Sith.”

Threat: The Hulking Meatbag will not steal this unit’s kills, or face liquidation. Demand: Do not chew with your mouth open, Hulking Meatbag. Statement: Master, this one makes my core buzz with horror. Even by your own meatbag standards he is an abomination.

Khem burped and rubbed his stomach.

“Pipsy look now?” The Jawa questioned hopefully.

“Ah, right,” Ignite removed his hands from her eyes. “Well that was…interesting. HK I think you should continue your weapons free liquidations to work out the kinks with your—ah—improvements. Stay on my com frequency in case I need you.”

Agreement: Very well, Master. The droid meandered off, intent on liquidating many undesirables.

“And you,” Ignite poked Khem in the chest; he may as well have poked a stone wall. “No more eating!”

Khem glared.

“Next time I’ll just let you pop!” The Sith warned, snatching Pipsy by the hand before she wandered off. “Now let’s focus and get this done.”

Khem merely contemplated his options, knowing full well what horrors awaited his so-called Master in the ancient tombs of the Dark Temple. The Dashade would obey, for now, and bide his time; striking whenever the opportunity presented itself.

 

*****

 

“Mako, are you really sure those are the culprits?” The Champion of the Great Hunt, Waresh, questioned his beautiful sidekick as he leaned against a rocky outcropping overshadowing the steps leading up the Dark Temple. “I’ve seen better circus acts!”

“According to the holofeeds and cameras I’ve managed to slice, it’s definitely the red Twi’lek.”

“Sith,” Waresh nodded. “Powerful one too, if rumors are to be believed.”

“With him, no doubt,” Mako agreed. “Remember we’re only supposed to detain him, not kill him.”

“No promises,” Waresh quipped.

“Tell me again,” Gault interjected, his voice grating on both Waresh and Mako. The pair still questioned their lunacy in letting the despicable, wily, creature live. “Why we’re hunting down one of the most powerful Sith Apprentices in the galaxy?”

“Because the pay is good?” Mako retaliated.

“I’ve killed stronger Jedi,” Waresh shrugged.

“You’re both suicidal, I’ll give you that,” Gault rubbed his chin. “But there’s money in it, so I’m in.”

Waresh shook his head and continued to monitor the progress of the odd group. He noted the droid break away and glanced at Mako curiously; the young woman shrugged. “No idea,” she whispered.

“Let me at him,” Gault removed his rifle. “One shot. One kill.”

Waresh halted the Devaronian when he witnessed HK explode into action, single-handedly wiping out an entire group of crazed Imperials with practiced ease. Both Gault and Mako paled.

“We’ll leave that one alone,” Waresh informed the two. “Focus on the target. The droid will fall in line once the Sith is contained.”

“I hope you’re right, Hunter,” Gault whispered. “Because if you’re not, we’re all dead.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll protect you,” Waresh assured.

“That’s comforting,” Gault rolled his eyes.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” Waresh replied, gently pulling Mako into a small embrace.

“That really warms my heart,” Gault leaned against the rocky outcropping with a heartfelt sigh. “Sadly, it does nothing to fill my pockets.”

 

*****

 

“Just remember, Pipsy,” Ignite knelt down. “Stay behind Khem so the Scary Lady doesn’t see you.”

“Pipsy be good! Make boss happy!” Pipsy gave a thumbs up, clinging to Khem’s leg.

Ignite nodded and entered the tomb dictated by Zash, surprised when the narrow corridor opened up into a vast room with several pillars and a giant stairway leading up to a tomb, opened, where the four pedestals stood; two containing artifacts. Ignite shrugged and placed the remaining two in their places and cleared his throat. Khem took a position further away from the Sith, his eyes watching intently.

Zash lifted her head but did not turn around. “Ah, Apprentice, excellent! You are right on time.” The Sith Lord turned and Ignite blanched.

“Even on the battlefields of Yn and Chabosh I never witnessed such horror,” Khem admitted solemnly.

“Quiet!” Zash shrieked at the Dashade. “Soon you will serve me!”

Khem’s eyes narrowed in agitation.

“You look hideous,” Ignite spat in disgust. “What happened?”

“I’m old, Apprentice,” Zash winked; the action was sickening.

“Scary Lady very old! Very very old!” Pipsy pointed.

“You brought that?!” Zash pointed incredulously.

Ignite smirked. “Problem?”

“Not at all, Apprentice,” Zash hissed out the title. “I’m promoting you to Sith Lord, effective immediately.”

“Finally!” Ignite laughed.

“Too bad you won’t be able to enjoy it, seeing as how I’m going to take your body.”

The Twi’lek paused. “What?”

Zash called upon the Force, sending it crashing into the newly appointed Sith Lord, who staggered under its weight and grit his teeth. He could feel Zash’s will imposing on him, threatening to steal his mind, body, and soul. He fought back, but the effort was in vain; aided by the power of Tulak Hord, Zash was unbeatable.

Khem watched, knowing full well what was happening, and rolled his eyes. The Dashade had been a slave to Tulak Hord in his earlier days and, although he’d lived well in the full glory of the great Sith and feasted much, he was forced to admit to himself that Ignite wasn’t that bad of a Master. He looked at the cackling hag and felt an involuntary shiver run up his spine. Nothing would be as bad as that. Sad thing was, however, Khem knew that if jumped into the fray he’d have to share his own body with the hag. Not that that bothered the Dashade entirely; he loved a good challenge and the chance to impose his will on something for once. A shivering at his leg caused him to look down and a grin split his face.

Pipsy squeaked when she felt the Dashade grab her by the robes and toss her between the two Sith. Pipsy landed and there was a flash of light. Khem removed his vibrosword and cut the defenseless body of Zash in half, watching as it fell to the floor and turned to ash. Ignite blinked several times and felt his body, realizing he was still in full control.

“Thanks,” he breathed at Khem.

The Dashade nodded.

“You knew, eh?” Ignite chuckled.

Again the Dashade nodded.

“Guess I’m not as bad as the hag?”

“No,” Khem shook his head.

“You’re free, buddy,” Ignite gave the Dashade a pat on his shoulder. “You’ve earned it.”

“I will follow you, little Sith. Your mannerisms remind me of Tulak Hord. For now, I am still your slave.”

Ignite paused and eyed the Dashade for signs of deception. After a minute of silence he was satisfied. “No. You’re my friend.”

Pipsy whirled on the two and stamped her foot, babbling in something Ignite didn’t understand. She threw her head back and let loose what sounded like a Jawa’s evil cackle.

“The witch has realized the Pipsqueak is connected to the Force,” Khem gestured.

Ignite blinked. “She’s in my Jawa?”

“Yes.”

“Can we get her out?”

“I am not sure, Master.”

Ignite frowned when he noted Pipsy, or Zash, raise her hands. The Sith Lord felt the Force ruffle around him and his robes moved slightly by a passing gust of wind.

“Yeah…” Ignite trailed off. “I haven’t taught Pipsy how to control the Force quite yet, Zash.”

Pipsy stomped her foot.

“Okay, time for time-out,” Ignite muttered, snapping his fingers. Khem hefted the possessed Jawa by the collar and followed his Master out of the tomb. “HK is going to have a field day with this,” Ignite muttered, reaching up to his ear to contact the droid. There was static on the line for a brief second. “HK.” Ignite winced when he heard the dying scream of a man blaring in his ear.

Query: Yes, Master?

“Having fun?”

Amused Acknowledgement: Yes, Master.

“We have a—complication.”

Intrigued Inquiry: Can you elaborate, Master?

“The Pipsqueak is possessed.”

There was silence on the other end of the com. Finally, HK spoke. Remorseful Realization: This unit cannot laugh because I have no programming to assist me.

“Pipsy can install that, you know,” Ignite informed hopefully.

Emphatic Statement: We must repair the Pipsqueak at once.

“He’s really easy to manipulate,” Ignite whispered to Khem.

Agitated Retort: I heard that, Master.

Ignite winced.

Assurance: But this unit still wishes to fix the Pipsqueak.

“Well that’s awfully nice of you—“ Ignite was cut off.

Interruption: So I can liquidate her.

Ignite smacked his forehead. “Always a catch…”

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