Dooku and Galadriel

[Tatile]

Crossing LOTR with Star Wars is like the carnal sin of fanfic. It's just something you don't do. I'm what people would call a "Tolkienite" and what you did to Galadriel just.. makes me cry, seriously.

 

On a scale of one to My Immortal, how much enjoyment would I get from this?

[Slowpokeking]

Editing your work is part of being a writer. If you don't want to do it properly, you should reconsider writing. Writing takes work and effort, even if it's just a simple fan fiction. Anything less is cutting corners and does neither you nor the reader any favors.

 

Regardless, Lord of the Rings does not belong on the TOR Fan Fiction sub-forum for any reason, crossover or not. Keep it on fanfiction.net where it belongs.

 

Yeah, I already edited through the translation, but it's just too much effort for me, write-edit-translate so many words from first to second language. I'm sorry but I could not spare that much time.

 

It's mostly SW, if the mod think it does not belong here then let them delete it.

[imnotawitch]

Yeah, I already edited through the translation, but it's just too much effort for me, write-edit-translate so many words from first to second language. I'm sorry but I could not spare that much time.

 

It's mostly SW, if the mod think it does not belong here then let them delete it.

 

I was suggesting that you find some one else to help you with the grammar. Surely you have enough time to find some one.

[Slowpokeking]

That's why I suggested getting a friend to help you out with fixing the mistakes. Another set of eyes reviewing a fic is usually highly beneficial. It was a very long fic to write, I'm sure the energy it would take to email it to a willing friend wouldn't be much compared to the energy it took to write it.

 

Also, if you would like a more detailed criticism, I can send it in a PM, but I'd rather not post it without asking because I'm not too good at pulling my punches at times ^^;

I tried to find someone but they all said NO because there is too much work to do, some of them are even professional translators because it's a long story and it's much more difficult to translate from 1st to 2nd language than do the opposite.

 

Well I know the grammar problem and I will welcome criticism beside this(plot, characterization), just post it here but also allow me to explain all right?

[MilaniGrey]

On a scale of one to My Immortal, how much enjoyment would I get from this?

 

*shakes head* You don't wanna know..

[imnotawitch]

Um, just wondering, why don't you want criticism on the plot or characters? To me, at least, those are the most important parts of the story, so they're the parts I'd be interested to improve upon the most.

[Slowpokeking]

Um, just wondering, why don't you want criticism on the plot or characters? To me, at least, those are the most important parts of the story, so they're the parts I'd be interested to improve upon the most.

 

Oh you misunderstood, I want criticism on anything beside grammar because I know the problem and you already mentioned.

[irishfino]

Oh you misunderstood, I want criticism on anything beside grammar because I know the problem and you already mentioned.

 

Here's the problem with the grammar not being fixed: words are the only device you have to convey your thoughts and ideas. You will turn a reader off with repeated mistakes that can be fixed by getting a BETA reader who will fix things after you translate your story. The turned off reader will now have nothing to talk about in terms of your actual story or characters because they stopped reading two paragraphs in. The grammar is a huge issue and the only likely feedback you're going to receive until you either fix it or get a BETA to help you.

[Slowpokeking]

Here's the problem with the grammar not being fixed: words are the only device you have to convey your thoughts and ideas. You will turn a reader off with repeated mistakes that can be fixed by getting a BETA reader who will fix things after you translate your story. The turned off reader will now have nothing to talk about in terms of your actual story or characters because they stopped reading two paragraphs in. The grammar is a huge issue and the only likely feedback you're going to receive until you either fix it or get a BETA to help you.

 

I contacted a few but didn't get much response. I guess that's because the story is too long and they don't prefer such crossover.

[MilaniGrey]

I contacted a few but didn't get much response. I guess that's because the story is too long and they don't prefer such crossover.

 

... Of course they don't "prefer such crossover." What you've done is taken a Star Wars canon character with a solid characterization, and shoved him through a meat grinder. Don't even get me started on how you slaughtered Lady Galadriel. I just.. wow. words. I need them. I just cannot accurately describe how much this cross over bugs me.

[Slowpokeking]

... Of course they don't "prefer such crossover." What you've done is taken a Star Wars canon character with a solid characterization, and shoved him through a meat grinder. Don't even get me started on how you slaughtered Lady Galadriel. I just.. wow. words. I need them. I just cannot accurately describe how much this cross over bugs me.

 

I think I followed Dooku's characterization in SW overall, sure Galadriel's character could be controversial.

 

May I ask about your opinion of Dooku's characterization? What problem do you see from it?

[MilaniGrey]

I think I followed Dooku's characterization in SW overall, sure Galadriel's character could be controversial.

 

May I ask about your opinion of Dooku's characterization? What problem do you see from it?

 

"could be controversial."? More like IS controversial. I was horrified. You say you "care about canon a lot" but you have, multiple times I might add, gone against canon. Like the idea thread you have for a Shan/Malgus child. Canonically impossible. Shan and Malgus had never even met before the fight on the station.

 

Sticking Galadriel into the SW universe and having her interact with Count Dooku is just.. not cool. Reducing her to a blushing school girl is even worse. Canon Galadriel would never hesitate to make a sacrifice for her people. Ever.

 

I hate being mean, but this is legitimately terrible. I have decided, however, that I will finish this, and compose a reply with examples of what exactly bothers me.

[Slowpokeking]

"could be controversial."? More like IS controversial. I was horrified. You say you "care about canon a lot" but you have, multiple times I might add, gone against canon. Like the idea thread you have for a Shan/Malgus child. Canonically impossible. Shan and Malgus had never even met before the fight on the station.

 

Sticking Galadriel into the SW universe and having her interact with Count Dooku is just.. not cool. Reducing her to a blushing school girl is even worse. Canon Galadriel would never hesitate to make a sacrifice for her people. Ever.

 

I hate being mean, but this is legitimately terrible. I have decided, however, that I will finish this, and compose a reply with examples of what exactly bothers me.

 

I will love to hear.

[Slowpokeking]

"could be controversial."? More like IS controversial. I was horrified. You say you "care about canon a lot" but you have, multiple times I might add, gone against canon. Like the idea thread you have for a Shan/Malgus child. Canonically impossible. Shan and Malgus had never even met before the fight on the station.

 

Sticking Galadriel into the SW universe and having her interact with Count Dooku is just.. not cool. Reducing her to a blushing school girl is even worse. Canon Galadriel would never hesitate to make a sacrifice for her people. Ever.

 

I hate being mean, but this is legitimately terrible. I have decided, however, that I will finish this, and compose a reply with examples of what exactly bothers me.

 

Did you finish?

[MilaniGrey]

Did you finish?

 

My my, aren't we the little attention hog. You want me to rip this to shreds? Fine, I will.

Let's start with the very first sentence, shall we? I shall add italics to the parts I pick on, just for you.

 

It was the second year since the devastating Clone War began, and it almost torn up the whole galaxy.

Now, I understand that English isn't your first language, but you have stated that you are just too lazy to go through and make sure all your grammar is correct, and that's just unacceptable. This is offense number 1. "It was the second year since the devastating Clone War began, and it was tearing the galaxy apart." or maybe, "..and it had almost torn that whole galaxy apart." would be better.

 

The leader of the Federation, Count Dooku, a tall nobleman was closing his eye to mediate, he was waiting for a special guest. It was not his master, nor General Grevious or any planet's ruler, but someone the galaxy had never heard before.

 

Here we go.."closing his eyes to meditate," and "had never heard of before." Grievous, not Grevious. Come on, it's really not that hard to just skim through your chapters and correct things.

 

After received the invitation, the leader of the elves came into this galaxy through some special portal. On the way here, she paid a close attention, she could see that the steel soldiers were almost everywhere. Throughout the whole history of the Middle Earth, very few could match such army.

 

What, you can't even actually explain how you've orchestrated this magnificently terrible cross-over?

 

Such army under her enemy, Saruman the White's command definitely is not any good news to her and the Middle Earth.

 

*sigh*

 

"Lady Galadriel, I think you got it all wrong." Count Dooku friendly motioned, "I am Count Dooku, Count of planet Serenno and the leader of the federation." He held out his hand, Galadriel only shake with it symbolically.

 

1) "I think you got it all wrong." is not how Dooku would speak. Saying "You are mistaken, Lady Galadriel." would be more appropriate.

2) I'm not sure if you meant "intoned friendly" or if he actually moved his hands in a friendly way.

3) Count Dooku was not the leader of the Federation. The Trade Federation was a member of the Confederacy of Independent Systems. Count Dooku was the leader of the Confederacy as a whole, not a member of it.

 

I'm not even halfway down the first post. Are you SURE you want me to continue? I would prefer it if you said "No." because I have far better things to do with my time besides picking your stuff apart.

[Slowpokeking]

My my, aren't we the little attention hog. You want me to rip this to shreds? Fine, I will.

Let's start with the very first sentence, shall we? I shall add italics to the parts I pick on, just for you.

 

I'm not even halfway down the first post. Are you SURE you want me to continue? I would prefer it if you said "No." because I have far better things to do with my time besides picking your stuff apart.

 

So these are the problem of the translation. Yeah I understand I didn't put much effort into it since it's really long and hard to do so. I took a look in my first language version it was the CIS rather than the Trade Federation, and that was closer to "I think you are mistaken".

 

However, can I hear some critics of the characterization like you claimed?

 

BTW THX for the correction.

Edited November 9, 2012 by Slowpokeking

[MilaniGrey]

So these are the problem of the translation. Yeah I understand I didn't put much effort into it since it's really long and hard to do so. I took a look in my first language version it was the CIS rather than the Trade Federation, and that was closer to "I think you are mistaken".

 

However, can I hear some critics of the characterization like you claimed?

 

BTW THX for the correction.

 

I think you missed the part where I said that I wasn't even halfway down the first post. I'm trying to be nice, here.

 

1) "I think you got it all wrong." is not how Dooku would speak. Saying "You are mistaken, Lady Galadriel." would be more appropriate.

 

That comment, right there, is a critique on his characterization. One of many I can most likely make. I'm going to stop commenting on your God-forsaken threads, I'm not going to continue picking your stories apart paragraph by paragraph, because you just don't get it.

[Slowpokeking]

I think you missed the part where I said that I wasn't even halfway down the first post. I'm trying to be nice, here.

 

That comment, right there, is a critique on his characterization. One of many I can most likely make. I'm going to stop commenting on your God-forsaken threads, I'm not going to continue picking your stories apart paragraph by paragraph, because you just don't get it.

 

I mean you mentioned the overall characterization before, do you have any criticism on the character?

 

Yes didn't you see my post? I looked on my original version, that sentence is "You've got the wrong person." if you translate it directly, that's something Dooku would say, especially he wants to make clear that he is not Saruman at all.

 

Well I admitted the problem of translation, just the dialogs and mistake were due to the translation's problem as well.

Edited November 9, 2012 by Slowpokeking

[Selentar]

Ok, so Dooku looking like Saruman? Putting aside the cross over, why would Dooku look like Saruman? Coincidence? Twin in a parallel universe? Or just because it was the same actor playing these characters in the movies?

[Slowpokeking]

Ok, so Dooku looking like Saruman? Putting aside the cross over, why would Dooku look like Saruman? Coincidence? Twin in a parallel universe? Or just because it was the same actor playing these characters in the movies?

 

http://i.chzbgr.com/completestore/2008/10/4/128676302492014297.jpg

 

They are quite similar in many ways, they are both played by Lee and it could add a little fun.