Darth_Eminok Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) Greetings community of SWTOR, and thank you for coming to view this story. I will be starting a series explaining the story of my character filled with romance, action, drama, and a combination of everything there is. Feel free to leave comments on what you think about my work and questions you have or if the chapters need some editing. Chapters will come weekly or sometimes in around 5-8 days. Thank you for your time. Update: At last I have a true inspirational mark. Be prepared! Chapter 1: Sink or Swim Terovan sat up with a start. There had jsut been sort of twist and rumble from somewhere inside theClarity, the head ship of Jedi Master Lavon's ship. Panic reached into him as he heard blaster fire scorch the wall. He alertly climbed out of his bed and reached for his vibrosword and blaster pistol. More luckily he didn't have to waste time getting into uniform as he decided to leave it on in case of emergencies such as these happening. His eyes were slightly lazy from sleep. "Shield... where's the shield?" Terovan fumbled around for the Echani shield he had took from an imperial code cylinder on the previous mission to Hoth. He briefly recalled the excitement and explosions that happened. The Republic had pushed them back easily with the element of surprise. He remembered the plan so well. Send in the missile artillery to neutralize their vehicles and, while the Imperial infantry was investigating the issue, have the Republic ground squads to attack them from behind. They had easily overrun the communications tower and successfully recovered the forged data that would've been used to convince the hutts to become aligned with the Empire. Terovan was knocked out of his trance when the ship turned abruptly. He gathered his weapons and used his data-chip to open the two doors to the main hallway. He was stunned. What he saw was a field of allied troops on the ground, clearly dead, whereas the remainder of living troops... only about 10, were being trampled by Imperials with electropikes and vibrostaffs. Terovan saw a grotesque display when an Imperial took his pike and stabbed a loyal Republic trooper straight through the throat. "Die, Republic dogs, die!" the Imperial bellowed with delight, but took a shot to the knee and fell over himself into the tip of his own weapon. Anger and sadness flew through Terovan's body. He activated his shield and cracked an eye out of his hiding place in between the doors. "5 in a group, 7 in a separate array and 1 that appears to be an... officer." Terovan whispered his battle plan as blaster fire and battle cries echoed through the ship. "Alright boys, fight with your souls! Push through! Fight for freedom... fight for your families! Republic unite!" Terovan came out of cover and threw a thermal detonator. The detonator landed at the feet of the 5 Imperials in a group. One of them bent down and picked it up to retaliate except it blew up in a show of fire and screams... mainly the screams. The 7 separate troops were alarmed and they turned to fire on Terovan. The Republic troops took cover in between two points of the wall sticking out as green blaster fire poured out from the rifles of the Imperials, proving as a useful cover. A troop went right across from Terovan, "Sir, Officer Terovan, sir, the Empire has attacked... they're stealing the data we got from Hoth. We're damn well outnumbered sir. We need to push through quickly if we're to stop those fools from getting away." Terovan looked out from cover and took a successful shot, searing the helmet of an Imperial melee trooper before he slid onto the floor, "Alright well, name and status?" The trooper looked back and replied, "Voren, sir, Commander Voren Hyland" A plasma bolt hit the edge of one of the walls. Terovan retorted, "Voren, I need you to come with me, as well as the other troops. Rally them! Go!" Voren responded well to his orders and he slowly crawled out of cover and out of sight. With the first step of his plan complete, he rolled out of cover and threw a frag grenade as he was out of thermal detonators. Terovan knew that every action in this encounter would determine if this crew would sink or swim. Fortunately, as he had planned, the Imperials jumped away when the grenade hit the floor, giving Terovan time to rush up and cut them with his vibrosword. "Coast's clear, move it! Go go go!" (I feel tired now and will continue editing it later.) Edited March 17, 2012 by Darth_Eminok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Eminok Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 (edited) Sorry for the amateur work... I couldn't find my Imperial March soundtrack in time as I found it about 7/8 of the way through the chapter. I'll try harder to appeal to the crowd in the next chapter. I may revise my chapter to make it more appealing to those who view it. Thank you for your patience, readers, you'll find this saga an epic and awesome one for sure. By the way, in order to make it better I'd appreciate your thoughts on this issue and your questions (as stated at the top of chapter 1) to make it better. Edited March 6, 2012 by Darth_Eminok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silthir Posted March 6, 2012 Share Posted March 6, 2012 That... hm. Well it was interesting to read, but I've kinda got a problem with it. Jedi have force powers too and there are few Sith who are insanely powered like that. Most Sith are a match for the Jedi, this is true, but the reverse can be said as well. I just don't really see much of a point of the main character being a Jedi if he wasn't going to use his Force Powers against the Sith. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Eminok Posted March 6, 2012 Author Share Posted March 6, 2012 That... hm. Well it was interesting to read, but I've kinda got a problem with it. Jedi have force powers too and there are few Sith who are insanely powered like that. Most Sith are a match for the Jedi, this is true, but the reverse can be said as well. I just don't really see much of a point of the main character being a Jedi if he wasn't going to use his Force Powers against the Sith. (Burst of Energy = Force Repulse from TFU.) Also, I'm going to revise it as I couldn't find my inspiring Imperial March music. And I cannot tell you anything about the sith as he is a crucial point for the story and... well I can't spoil it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Eminok Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 Chapter 1 partially edited and revised. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Eminok Posted March 7, 2012 Author Share Posted March 7, 2012 Currently working on a chapter 2. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterDarvon Posted March 15, 2012 Share Posted March 15, 2012 I like it very well done! I'm writing my own fanfic and like to critique styles of writing. Yours was very to the point with middle length sentences. Great job! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Eminok Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 (edited) Chapter 2: Shadowfire and the Raven Claw Terovan woke with a start and found himself dangling from a rope. With his vision cloudy, he saw the blobby outline of 7 figures around him and red walls and contraptions. Terovan groaned, for he hated when he was caught unaware. His vision was recovering and he glanced that 3 of the people standing there were females, one a twi'lek, the others human. "He's still secure, right?" Came a rough voice to the jedi's right, taller and stronger than the rest. A head turned to reply, "Last I checked." It was clearly female, "What? You don't trust me anymore?" she said in a sarcastic voice. Another voice came from Terovan's center view, "Let him go, I want to see if he can really take us on." Terovan's vision recovered fully and he saw that the voice that formerly spoke was clearly a Mandalorian as well as the other 2. In a quick jerk of his head, Terovan sent all but the ones who had spoken flying out of the room, for he wanted no interference from "inferiors". With another jerk of his head he closed and locked all the doors. Raps and slams came from the other sides of each door. The jedi then tensed his body, and the ropes broke in an instant and he tumbled to the dloor with a quiet bang. "Weapons out! Let's show this rotworm what we're made of." Yelled the figure to his right. Terovan replied sarcastically, "Bones and other organs which can be broken, does that answer the question... or do I need to give you an example." The one in the middle replied, "We want the example." and the center Mandalorian and jedi both drew their weapons. The bad news was that the Mandalorian had missiles and two blasters as well as a fighter's ego. Bad combination. Terovan thought to himself. Terovan leaped into action, dodging blaster fire and missiles from his opponents. He jumped on the wall and started running on it as if it were regular ground, extending his hands to push them all away with the force. The one with the rough voice touched something on his wrist armor and out popped 3 rockets, which instantly zoomed towards Terovan. With a twirl and a leap, he had dodged the rockets which had suddenly hit the wall behind him. Hyperdrive core damaged. Leaving hyperspace in 20 seconds. Repairs crucially needed. Came a voice from the speakers, clearly the computer's. "Mako," The one with the rough voice said. "Fix that before we're lost in deep space! Go!" The female Mandalorian ran to one of the doors and shot it open before heading out of sight, probably to the bridge. "Snowraven, kill this scum!" The one with the rough voice shot a barrage of fire at Terovan before the one known as Snowraven replied, "Of course, Shadowfire... weren't we doing that already?" The reply was in a comedic tone. Shadowfire and Snowraven... noted. Thought Terovan to himself. "Too bad, consider yourself dead already." Terovan flicked his wrists and the two Mandalorian's weapons dropped out of their hands to Terovan's. The jedi then made a claw to the ground and both Mandalorians were crushed to the ship's ground hull. "Damn it!" Said Snowraven, whose armor was being obliterated. Then there was acrack, and Terovan fell to his knees and then plunged to the ground. (Will keep working on it later.) Edited March 15, 2012 by Darth_Eminok Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth_Eminok Posted March 15, 2012 Author Share Posted March 15, 2012 Just so most of you know, please provide honest criticism as I hope to become a writer one day. Thanks! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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