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My New Demands (Catharsis and Satire)


outotoro

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Dear Bioware:

 

Well, I see you have failed me again, because I didn't get my invite to play the game today, the 14th. Yes, I know the game doesn't come out officially until the 20th. Yes, I know the advertised start of early access was the 15th. Yes, I know that while I pre-ordered the game in July, I didn't turn in my code until sometime in September or October, but still, I should be in there playing now!

 

Therefore, I will make the following demands which must be additionally acceded to, otherwise I will make loud threats - they will be mean, and angry, and something about taking my ball and going home. My demands are as follows:

 

1. Immediate access to the game.

2. My personal level cap is to be 55, not 50.

3. My Sith Warrior will be able to wield 3 lightsabers instead of just two.

4. A Shrubbery. Not in game. A real one. Mailed to me before the 20th.

5. World peace - except on PVP servers, where there shall be plenty of lower-level characters of the other faction for me to attack and slaughter.

6. My Smuggler should have access to force powers. In addition, these powers should not be bound to the global cooldown, because Captain Studdly-Solo is beyond the laws of some global cooldown.

7. My personal starship needs to be the Enterprise.

8. A Pony.

 

If anyone else has any additional demands (of a humorous and sarcastic stripe), please add them.

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Dear Bioware:

 

Well, I see you have failed me again, because I didn't get my invite to play the game today, the 14th. Yes, I know the game doesn't come out officially until the 20th. Yes, I know the advertised start of early access was the 15th. Yes, I know that while I pre-ordered the game in July, I didn't turn in my code until sometime in September or October, but still, I should be in there playing now!

 

Therefore, I will make the following demands which must be additionally acceded to, otherwise I will make loud threats - they will be mean, and angry, and something about taking my ball and going home. My demands are as follows:

 

1. Immediate access to the game. No. Can't have

2. My personal level cap is to be 55, not 50.See above.

3. My Sith Warrior will be able to wield 3 lightsabers instead of just two.I do NOT want to know how you'll hold the third lightsaber

4. A Shrubbery. Not in game. A real one. Mailed to me before the 20th.Ni!!

5. World peace - except on PVP servers, where there shall be plenty of lower-level characters of the other faction for me to attack and slaughter.I like this idea

6. My Smuggler should have access to force powers. In addition, these powers should not be bound to the global cooldown, because Captain Studdly-Solo is beyond the laws of some global cooldown.No, can't have.

7. My personal starship needs to be the Enterprise.You'll get a United Galaxy Sanitation Patrol Cruiser(bonus points if you know that telly programme

8. A Pony. Neeeeeiigghh!!

 

If anyone else has any additional demands (of a humorous and sarcastic stripe), please add them.

 

9. Dear Buddha, I'd like a rocket ship.

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Uh ... it is their ball. You can threaten to go home, but you can't take the ball with you. Just sayin'.

 

12) Once a day, your smuggler should be able to go into any Cantina and shoot Greedo first.

 

13) In the process of doing 10), you should have the option to be able to right click on Greedo to change him to Jar Jar. If you do, the once a day limit is removed, and everyone in the Cantina can shoot him, too.

 

14) 12) and 13) are only possible with the /screwthetimeline emote active.

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Dear Bioware:

 

Well, I see you have failed me again, because I didn't get my invite to play the game today, the 14th. Yes, I know the game doesn't come out officially until the 20th. Yes, I know the advertised start of early access was the 15th. Yes, I know that while I pre-ordered the game in July, I didn't turn in my code until sometime in September or October, but still, I should be in there playing now!

 

Therefore, I will make the following demands which must be additionally acceded to, otherwise I will make loud threats - they will be mean, and angry, and something about taking my ball and going home. My demands are as follows:

 

1. Immediate access to the game.

2. My personal level cap is to be 55, not 50.

3. My Sith Warrior will be able to wield 3 lightsabers instead of just two.

4. A Shrubbery. Not in game. A real one. Mailed to me before the 20th.

5. World peace - except on PVP servers, where there shall be plenty of lower-level characters of the other faction for me to attack and slaughter.

6. My Smuggler should have access to force powers. In addition, these powers should not be bound to the global cooldown, because Captain Studdly-Solo is beyond the laws of some global cooldown.

7. My personal starship needs to be the Enterprise.

8. A Pony.

 

If anyone else has any additional demands (of a humorous and sarcastic stripe), please add them.

 

I agree with you except.

 

I want world peace on everytihng but the pve servers and instead of a pony I want a platypus

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