Really enjoying the story so far! Just a few notes that might be able to help you out.
Your over use of commas is a bad habit you should try and get out of. Whenever I write I fall into the same thing as well =/
Also, sometimes you're falling out of context; you need to give description within the story without breaking away from what's happening with the characters.
Apart from that, I am genuinely really enjoying your thread =]
Dreams of Korriban (SI fanfic)
in Fan Fiction
Posted
Really enjoying the story so far! Just a few notes that might be able to help you out.
Your over use of commas is a bad habit you should try and get out of. Whenever I write I fall into the same thing as well =/
Also, sometimes you're falling out of context; you need to give description within the story without breaking away from what's happening with the characters.
Apart from that, I am genuinely really enjoying your thread =]
Keep it up!