My husband showed me this thread. I met him in EQ2 when I was a 21-year-old college gal and he was a 25-year-old infantryman. I have an older brother and have been gaming with him since I was about 5.
The thing that bugs me the most is that in recent gaming years it seems like male gamers are now even less inclined to believe we exist than they were 7 years ago...or if we do we're all ogres lol. When I first started mmo's I didn't feel like I had to explain I was a girl, it seemed people assumed. Maybe that's unique to me, maybe it's the other way around for some, but now that I'm in star wars it seems like everyone calls me "dude" and "buddy" which frankly I don't mind because that means if I ever screw up in front of them they won't attribute it to me being a female lol. I try to be a great player and pvper, but like females in other situations, if we ever mess up we sometimes worry we let down the whole gender in that situation. It's funny that it applies to games for me, but it does sometimes.
Overall, I just like playing, being left alone unless I'm on a team. If I see one of the many bikini clad dancers scattered across the galaxy I only really notice them if my husband is there too lol. I think that mimics real life as well. When it's just me, I could care less, I just want to play. I do make my characters sexy too. She wears clothes though, I don't need to be naked, but I take time to make my characters cute/pretty in universal ways. I don't use default models.
The beauty factor is just a sidenote, even though we're discussing it. Most of us just want to kill things once we've made our toons.