The Real Smuggler

[Rolodome]

Wrote this kinda on a whim. The rough exposition style wasn't really planned... just came out that way. I'll probably swap over to something more formal for the next part, assuming I write one. But if you read and enjoy, please let me know what you think of the exposition style... like, dislike, confusing, not confusing, etc.

 

Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoy.

 

-----

 

There's a saying on Nar Shaddaa: If it's electronic and it doesn't fight back, sell it. If it's electronic and it does fight back, hire a mercenary to turn it into scrap and then sell it.

 

Or, well… that is… I made that saying. And I repeat it in my head often because it's cool and I like it. Also I'm a smuggler and stuff. I smuggle things. That's what smugglers do.

 

I have a way with words, I know. Winkyface.

 

Name is Reuter Narlock. Nice to meet you. I make my living on Nar Shaddaa, baby, and love every minute of it.

 

"Twenty five creds for a show, hun. That's how it works."

 

Whoa, whoa, there, baby. I was just making conversation. I don't need no show.

 

Though if you were willing to give me one for free, that would be cool.

 

"Get spaced, loser."

 

Alright, alright, I get the picture. I'm going.

 

So the dames don't all flock to me, ok? It's a mixed bag.

 

"Yo laser brain! When are you gonna get me those creds you owe me?"

 

Rita! Baby. Darling. Coming right up I swear.

 

"You said that yesterday!"

 

And it's still true, baby! Still true!

 

I gotta watch my surroundings better. The dames are all over me, ya know? One minute it's all cool like and the next… bam. Surrounded.

 

But like I said, it's a mixed bag.

 

"Reuter Narlock, just the man I want to see."

 

Whoa, hey there. Uh, darling sweet Leena, you don't really need that crew of thugs to deal, right?

 

"Search him."

 

Hey! Hey! Watch the belt, it's expensive!

 

"You really don't have a credit on you. Stars, Narlock, do you just coast through the day like wall scum?"

 

I have a saying.

 

"Narlock…"

 

And many business opportunities. That are in progress. I swear I'll have your money.

 

"If you don't have it the next time I see you, I'll make you wall scum, you understand?"

 

That sounds very unpleasant.

 

"Let's go boys, I think he got the message."

 

So that's Leena. Toughest Togruta on Nar Shaddaa. Kinda mean though. I mean, I said I'd pay her!

 

Anyway, I gotta get off Nar Shaddaa. I think she was serious about the wall scum thing. And I did scam her out of some creds, but it went to orphans, so I feel good about it.

 

Or, well… it was on its way to some orphans and then I stopped in at the casino, but hey! That's life, baby. Win some, lose some.

 

Spaceport, here we come. I'm stealing a good ship, alright. Best ship in the hangar. What do we got.

 

Oh, I see a sith ship, looks like. Strap me to a wookiee and send me out an airlock, that's tempting. I probably shouldn't. I mean, if the sith comes back, I'm so dead. But it is a nice… pretty… ship.

 

Ok, I'm inside. I did it. Couldn't help myself. Sorry, sith! Oh, what am I doing in here? Nothing at all, it was a complete mistake. (I'm practicing in case he finds me here.)

 

Oh look at this, what is this, it's the controls. Oh and we're coasting out. Oh, we're coasting out, baby. Hyperlanes here we come, whoo!

 

Honestly, the sith probably won't miss it. It's just a ship. How mad can a sith get, am I right?

 

"Would you like to take a guess?"

 

Oh, mother of a diseased hutt, your the sith! I'm visiting! I'm just visiting!

[MishaCantu]

Bouncing between external and internal conversation is a little strange, but interesting enough that I can stick with it. Not sure the style lends itself to long chapters, but in snippets, it is entertaining.

 

I did watch your Sithy, Sith blues video, I rather liked it.

 

Let's see what you come up with next for your story.

[frauzet]

It's an interesting style. It leaves a lot to imagination. Kind of like listening to only the conversation of a movie.

After the first few sentences my brain came up with a lot of images to fill the space between the lines.

[Rolodome]

Bouncing between external and internal conversation is a little strange, but interesting enough that I can stick with it. Not sure the style lends itself to long chapters, but in snippets, it is entertaining.

 

I did watch your Sithy, Sith blues video, I rather liked it.

 

Let's see what you come up with next for your story.

Thanks for your thoughts. Glad you liked 'em.

 

It's an interesting style. It leaves a lot to imagination. Kind of like listening to only the conversation of a movie.

After the first few sentences my brain came up with a lot of images to fill the space between the lines.

Cool, good to hear.

 

 

Got another part. I decided to continue the style for the time being. This one, I think, has a little more concreteness though, in terms of making it clear when the switches are happening.

 

-----

 

I never thought I'd find myself strapped to the chest of a pregnant sith.

 

Let me go back and explain… a lot. There's a lot of it… to. Explain. Words. So many words.

 

Look, let me start where we left off. So.. I'm an amazing ship thief (best in the galaxy) who snuck inside (and stole!) a sith's ship. I didn't realize the sith was in it at the time, but that's, you know… details, details.

 

My conversation with the sith lady went something like this:

 

Me: I'm the most handsome smuggler in the galaxy. Therefore, you should swoon.

 

Her: (swoon)

 

Me: That's right, baby. I'm the best of the best. Ain't it great?

 

Her: Oh yes, you're-

 

"That's not how it went at all."

 

Hey! How did you get in here? This is a private recording room!

 

"It's the cockpit and you've been bellowing your echoing self-praise around the entire ship."

 

Oh. That. Well, you tell the recorder thingy how it went then. Jeez.

 

"You wet yourself and then begged at my feet for mercy."

 

That is so not true.

 

"Sorry, I forgot the part where you swore on your dead grandmother's life that you would be my life servant and then proceeded to recite a mangled version of the Jedi code."

 

In all fairness, I really did think it was the sith code!

 

"You don't know up from down."

 

Hey, I most certainly know up from down and if you need anything done involving up and down, I'm your man!

 

(It was at this point that I unknowingly committed myself to hurtling down a tall building in Dromund Kaas, while strapped to the chest of a pregant sith. Allow me to explain in excruciating detail below.)

 

They have a saying on Dromund Kaas.

 

"No, they don't. Shut up. I'm trying to think. And stop jostling, you're going to hurt the child."

 

Hey, this was your plan lady!

 

It was at this point that I-

 

"Stop talking as if I'm not here. I am. And shut up."

 

I'm trying to narrate. It's very important.

 

"Fine. Narrate. Just do it quietly."

 

Ok, I'll whisper.

 

They have a saying on Dromund Kaas-

 

"Ok, I take it back. That's worse. Just talk. I'll figure out how to shut you out."

 

I always get them to let me talk in the end, eh! They're so gullible.

 

"Too far."

 

Sorry.

 

So Dromund Kaas, here we are on the top of a big, scary building. I'm strapped to the chest of a pregnant sith lady… I said that already, didn't I? I'm saying it again because I don't really believe it. I figure if I say it enough times it'll feel more real.

 

We're up here so we can scale-

 

"Jump."

 

Right. We're up here so we can jump.

 

Jump?!?

 

"Yes, we're jumping. Don't look down."

 

Oh god, wait! I'm not readyyyyyyyyyyy

 

Oof. Ok, so there's a window edge thingy that we stand on. That's great. Ok. Not dead yet. Cool. So what now?

 

"Now we break in the window. You're going to be my meatshield."

 

Meatshield? Meatshield! I didn't sign up for this!

 

"Oh, don't be a baby. Let me just use my lightsaber on this window. There we go. Come on, you in first."

 

I can't even see anything!

 

"It's ok, I can. Quite a few angry looking thugs with blasters. Cheap idiots. Nothing to worry about."

 

But they're shooting at me!

 

"That's what the armor is for. Stop whining. Oh, I love the smell of a sizzling lightsaber in the evening."

 

I love the smell of not getting shot to death!

 

"Relax, they're idiots. It's just a precaution to keep the child from getting shot. See? All dead. Now we can get my heirloom back. Come to mama, heirloom. Yes!"

 

You… you… put me in danger for an heirloom?!?

 

"It's priceless. And my brute of a husband stole it when he ran off with that harlot from Alderaan. I'd kill him, but I'm pregnant."

 

I noticed that part.

 

"Well yes, I'm pregnant and dueling him would put the child in danger."

 

Please don't get any ideas. I don't want to be your chest protector while you duel him.

 

"Oh, I wouldn't do that. He'd cut you apart in seconds and then go for the child next. He's not a very nice sith. Anyway, I got my heirloom, so we can go."

 

And… how are we getting down?

 

"We're going to jump, of course."

 

No. No. No no no, no more jumping!

 

"Oh hush. We're jumping."

 

No, no, no, no, no… wait!

 

I heard a thunk. Are we on the ground? Am I dead?

 

"You closed your eyes. Amusing. Yes, we're on the ground. You can stop holding onto my chest now."

 

Oh… ok. Aren't I still strapped though? Oh. Never mind, you hacked the straps… you know what, I don't want to know. I don't want to think about it. I want a cantina and some gambling money to waste and a stiff… a very stiff drink.

 

"Knock yourself out."

 

Wait, you're giving me credits?

 

"You were a useful meatshield. Don't try to steal my ship again."

 

Of course not! Why would I do that.

 

"I sense you're lying."

 

Maybe a little bit.

 

"Ok, look. How would you like to travel with me?"

 

Will I get more credits?

 

"If you're willing to do more dangerous grunt work."

 

That's… I don't know. That's a hard sell.

 

"Ok, goodbye then. No deal."

 

Wait wait wait wait… I'll do it. For… a finder's fee.

 

"A finder's fee?"

 

Ok, fine. For free then. I'll join for free. But I get my own bunk! And… and… a droid? Yes! A droid!

 

"You'll get what I give you."

 

Oh. Well that's fine too. Of course, your majesty.

 

"Call me your majesty again and I'll leave you here in pieces.

 

No majesty. Got it. I'm your meatshield! I mean… I'm your… well, I'll do something. I'm sure of that. I'll be useful somehow. But no meatshielding. I don't like that very much.

 

"You're going to ramble on like this all the time, aren't you?"

 

I don't know what you're talking about! My middle name is silence. Silencio… the magnificent master of silence!

 

"Oh well, I'll get something out of it. If nothing else, I can use you as a role model for my child."

 

A role model? Wow!

 

"A role model for what my child shouldn't be."

 

Hey. I'll take it. I'm a role model. Wow.

 

(And that's how I became a role model. The best role model in the galaxy. Best of the best of the best.)

 

"Why did you stop and what are you staring at?"

 

Nothing! I'm staring at… nothing.

 

(And that's how I learned not to stop and stare while she's around.)

 

"You're doing it again. It's so weird."

 

Sorry. Sorry. I'm a role model. Pow pow pow. Pew, pew, pew.

 

"Peace is a lie. That much is for sure."

[De-mu-noki]

This is hilarious! Great job!