(L,F&E 54) Chasing a Dream

[kalenath]

((ooc, this story starts after Shattered and before a number of others involving the Bladeborn. And it runs until just after Of Lives and Loves))

 

<On a bulk transport, hyperspace>

 

It had been a long day. Istara wasn’t used to this. She was used to being able to go anywhere she wanted. And truth be told, her icy demeanor and lightsabers had allowed her to get away with a lot more than a normal person would. Not that she showed them or drew them now. She had no time for incidental skirmishes. But she was still flailing away in the dark. Setie had vanished. Istara had followed her sister’s trail to the spaceport and then… It was as if Setie had dug a hole and crawled in, pulling it shut behind her. The girl was seriously sneaky. And of course, now she had a whole lot of people hunting her. Istara reminded herself that if she couldn’t find her sister, then likely no one else could. The older woman had allowed the Force to guide her to a transport. One that needed another hand. It had been years since she had worked as a cargo mover, but the skills were still there. The ship was old, but a proven design, and the captain was competent. The crew was also somewhat eclectic, but none were Force sensitive, so she was reasonably safe from discovery. But it was a large ship, with large cargo holds. And with every droid pressed into service to move cargo, all the ship’s crew were helping out as well. And since she didn’t want to broadcast what she had been… Well… She was using muscles she hadn’t in a while. She sank back into her bunk and sighed. One perk on this ship was that everyone had a private cabin, even if all were wired for sound and video. Truth be told, she didn’t mind. It reminded her of… Well, her former home. She bit back a sob and focused on the now.

 

Funny, when she had left her old life in scattered shards behind her, she had thought it would be so simple. Catch up to Setie, get her somewhere safe, maybe to the Jedi… She shuddered at the thought, but that might actually be the best choice. Then, after Setie was safe, Istara would do what had to be done. One did not just ‘leave’ the Bladeborn after all. She was on borrowed time now. She knew that. She had to complete her final mission. And then… She shook her head. She needed sleep. Now if only…

 

<A dream>

 

Istara came to herself cursing. “Leave me alone you son of a barve!” But as always when she had appeared here, she couldn’t move. The voice came again, calm and reasonable.

 

“Sharlina…” But Istara screamed at the form that stood nearby.

 

“My name is Istara! Go away, leave me alone!” The black clad man slumped, and even though she couldn’t see his face, she didn’t need to. Sorrow washed from him in waves. She would have turned her head, but she couldn’t even move that. The man’s voice was quiet, calm still.

 

“Istara then.” He sighed. “Istara, I am sorry. Yes I mislead you. Yes I distracted you. But I was under orders…” he broke off as Istara snarled.

 

“Take your orders and insert them where the sun doesn’t shine. Leave me alone!” She struggled against the bonds of the Force that held her, but nothing gave. The man sighed again.

 

“Look, Istara, there is more going on here than you know…” The woman snarled at him. Her words were sarcastic, biting deep.

 

“Of course there is and that justifies what you did. You used a juvenile attraction I had to you to distract me from my duty.” The man flinched back and she pressed her advantage. “I don’t care what games you and the midget are playing. Go away.” She would not call the master of the Bladeborn by name. Never again. It hurt. For the longest time, the small brown being had been the only stability in her life, and then to find out that he had been lying to her for so long. Small wonder she felt like her soul had shattered into a billion pieces when she had been told the truth. But the man in the black cloak just sighed.

 

“You have a right to your anger. But you and your sister were not the only ones betrayed. I can help you. I can’t ‘see’ you. We… I am too close to you. I can see her. She is on another transport at this moment, heading for some place called Station Seven Six. I think that is in Correllian space. But you will lose her there. She will vanish again. I can find her. We can…” But Istara had heard enough.

 

“You can get the flarg out of my mind!” She finally broke loose and the Force exploded around her. She had sabers in hand and was advancing on the form who backed off quickly. She stopped and when she spoke it was cold. But the Dark Side flared in every word. “Leave me alone. You will just betray me again, that is what Sith do, isn’t it?” The word ‘Sith’ came out with a lot of heat and the black cloaked form recoiled away from her. Something changed and..

 

<Real world>

 

Istara snapped awake and cursed. Her head hurt. She staggered to the door and towards the ship’s medical ward. Behind her a low sigh was heard from… nowhere.

 

<Medical>

 

“Can’t sleep?” The doctor was an elderly human who doubled as ship’s purser and life support tech. Istara nodded as she sat in the exam chair. The doctor was professional was he ran a scanner over her.

 

“Nightmares.” Istara said sadly. The doctor looked at her.

 

“I didn’t think Sith got nightmares.” The doc said slowly. Istara was too drained even to be surprised. Her voice was dull and listless.

 

“Sure they do." Istara corrected him softly. "Every human has nightmares. But I am no threat to anyone on this ship. I… I am not a Sith any more…” the doctor looked at her again, an odd look on his face.

 

“I thought the only way you could leave the Sith was by dying.” He said, dubious. Istara snorted, but then grimaced as her head hurt more.

 

“Hardly." Istara focused, trying to move beyond her pain, but she couldn't focus. "One could be redeemed, or just leave. But in my case… It’s a bit more odd…” The doctor just stared at her and Istara sighed. “Doctor… the Sith won’t care about you as long as I don’t spill any secrets, so… please don’t ask…” The doctor nodded slowly and prepared a hypo. Istara didn’t move as the doctor injected the drug. Her headache vanished quickly. “Thank you.”

 

“You are welcome." The doc smiled at her. "I can give you something else for the nightmares, but… I don’t know anything about the Force.” Istara grimaced.

 

“I don’t know enough myself, and… Now... Well, it really doesn’t matter.” The doctor blinked at her tone. When he spoke his voice was cautious.

 

“Why not?” He asked. Istara met his eyes and she shivered just a bit.

 

“Because I am a dead woman walking.”

Edited July 1, 2012 by kalenath

[kalenath]

<Station Seven Six, Correllian space>

 

Istara had not been sure of this at all. After all, Idjit had lied to her before... But the Force had led her here. Setsuna had been here, she was sure of it. Oh, nothing concrete, but it felt right. The problem was, she had left the ship when it had docked, after all the crew had been nice to her, and she didn’t want any of her trouble splashing on them. That had left her... well... broke.

 

She had never really had to worry about things like money before. When she had been a Bladeborn, if she had wanted something, she would have taken it. Yes, it had gotten her in trouble on occasion but... She shook her head savagely and the bartender glanced at her. She shrugged and resumed her scan of the cantina crowd. The past was the past, she had to focus on the now. This job stank, but it was good money, for this dive anyway. For some funny reason, none of the patrons would meet her eyes. It might have been the Trandoshan she had thrown out the first night she had worked. He had hit the pavement outside and bounced twice before lying stunned for several minutes, then crawling away. Yes she had been angry, but... She was careful not to use the Force, and while her lightsabers were never far from her hands, she hadn’t drawn them. No, she carried a shockstick in keeping with her role as a bouncer. The cantina owner had hired her as a waitress, but when she had stopped a fight with a glower, had hired her on the spot as security. And after a few minor incidents, the patrons enjoyed trouble free leisure time and even the music had improved a bit. Any musician would play better when not dodging things like rocks, bottles and the odd knife or blaster shot.

 

Istara sighed just a bit as she finished her shift and the Aqualish who did the late night shift took his place. They nodded to one another, one hard case to another. Then she left. But as she did, she caught a scrap of conversation.

 

“...I swear that girl is going to get herself killed. Idiot was trying to beg credits.” Istara’s ears perked up at that. But she kept walking. But then she heard something that made her pause.

 

“You know you could have... ‘helped’ her a bit... For the right incentive.” This came from another in a sly tone that suddenly broke off as Istara looked at the speaker.

 

“Where?” Her quiet word was a command and both men stiffened.

 

“Stupid hooded girl in throughway three. You...” But Istara was gone.

 

<A few minutes later>

 

“Look, girl, you pan handling or peddling on our turf, you got to know the rules. You with us, or you aint. And if you ain’t, well... We can’t have that.” The heavy set young man grinned at the cowering girl in front of him. If she was older than sixteen standard years it would be a miracle. He looked her over and smiled. “Now, I am feeling generous. We have a space, if you want it.”

 

The girl stared at him. “What...?”

 

“You want in? We could use a girl. We have all kind of uses for someone like you.” The girl looked around and shivered as the looks of avarice on the faces of the men and a few of the women registered. “Yeah, it might hurt at times, but we take care of our own.” The girl looked at him and her stance was defiant now.

 

“Whatever you do to me, I have had worse.” The gang leader laughed.

 

“I like you girl. You gots guts. Well, what’s it going to be? A bed, or a grave?” Everything stopped as another voice came.

 

“How about neither?” A large female form stepped into the light from the shadows she had been lurking in. The newcomer smiled slightly as she looked around and then snorted dismissively. The gang members immediately drew their weapons. Then they all froze as she shook her head. “One chance people. And I do use the term loosely. Leave now.” The gang leader aimed a blaster carbine at her and smiled.

 

“How nice. Two pieces of fresh meat. You got guts lady. We might just leave what’s left of you for the cops to pick up when we is done.” The strange woman just shook her head.

 

“Out of respect for a good friend of mine who disliked killing, I will say this one more time." The strange woman said. "Leave, now. And forget the girl.” The gang laughed. The leader smiled and made an obscene gesture at her with the carbine. The flame haired woman just shrugged. “Fine, be that way.”

 

Everything froze as a pair of silver hilts slapped into her hands. Two red blades ignited, and she was in motion. Someone screamed. “Sith!” But by then it was far too late for anything but more screaming.

 

<A few fairly horrible minutes later>

 

The girl lay where she had fallen, afraid to look. She didn’t want to see. She didn’t... She tensed as the woman’s voice came from close at hand.

 

“I won’t hurt you girl.” She looked up into the brown eyes of the woman who had just... She stared at the carnage all around her, the lopped off limbs, the heads, the... She turned her head and threw up what little was in her stomach. When she finally finished with that disgusting piece of action, she rose to her feet. The woman was squatting nearby looking at her.

 

“Are you all right?” The tone was kind, but the girl knew. She saw the hilts still in the woman’s hands and then her feet were in motion and she was running. Behind her she heard a curse but she didn’t look, she knew death was at her heels. So it came as a complete surprise when the woman landed in front of her, having jumped clear over her head. “Look... I don’t want to hurt you...” The girl spun again, this time taking a more treacherous path through the debris of the deep bowels of the space station. But suddenly, strong arms caught her and held her as she struggled, trying to get away. She screamed, but the hands just held her.

 

“I am not going to hurt you...” The voice hissed as the girl tried to hide something, but now the voice was stern. “What have you done to yourself?” The girl collapsed, if not for the strong arms, she would have fallen to the deck. A sigh was heard and suddenly she was in the arms and moving. She wanted to fight, she had to get away, but her eyelids were so heavy. And a gentle voice was in her ear now.

 

“It’s okay. I won’t let anything happen to you.” And now a soft song was being sung in her ear, a lullaby? She let go and slumber came for her quickly.

 

<Later>

 

When she woke, she was warm dry and clean. She hurt, but it was minuscule compared to the pain she had felt. A soft voice came to her.

 

“Good morning.” She looked up into a worried face. The woman from before stood near the bed she was in. When the girl looked at herself to avoid meeting the stranger woman’s eyes, she saw her wounds had been bandaged. She shook her head slowly.

 

“You are a Sith, why are you helping me?” She asked plaintively. The woman sat beside the bed and sighed.

 

“I am not a Sith." The woman said sadly. "Not anymore. I don't know what I am now. The red blades are the only ones I have. Are you hungry?” The girl in the bed nodded dubious, but she was amazed when the woman returned in a moment with a steaming bowl on a tray. “I will let you feed yourself as long as you promise not to attack me with the spoon.” The humor in the woman’s voice had the girl laughing. The woman set the tray down in easy reach and sat again, consciously putting herself on the girl’s level. The girl reached for the food and, carefully, slowly took a bite. Suddenly she was ravenous. The food vanished quickly. When she was done, the woman took the spoon and tray back to the food prep area. Looking around they were in a small apartment. Very small. Small refresher, one bed, food prep area, not much else. The woman nodded. “May I know your name? Mine is Istara Andal.”

 

The girl tensed, but nothing was making sense. Not that her life made a lot of sense anyway. “My name is Lara. Lara Holiisjai. I uh... thank you... I...” Istara nodded.

 

“Yeah, we need to talk...”

[kalenath]

Lara didn’t know what to think. This woman was deadly, no question. She had torn an entire street gang apart almost without effort. But here she was being kind. After assisting Lara to the refresher, the woman had helped her back to the bed, and Lara’s head was now awhirl with questions. But she kept her mouth shut and the woman, Istara nodded.

 

“Smart. Keep your thoughts close. Just because I won’t hurt you doesn’t mean anyone else won’t. It’s a hard galaxy...” Whatever Istara was about to say vanished as Lara’s brave front collapsed and she stared sobbing. In a moment, Istara was at the other girl’s side, holding her gently. And her voice was just as gentle. “What is it Lara? What did I say?” Lara couldn’t answer; she was too caught up in her grief. Istara just held the young woman and let her cry. The older woman murmured words that made no sense, just nonsense phrases meant to comfort or console and slowly, so slowly, Lara calmed down. Finally she lay limp in Istara’s arms and spoke in a monotone.

 

“I am from a planet called Agamar. My parents are farmers. I was raised on the farm.” Istara let her speak in her own rhythm and her voice gained strength and timbre as she spoke. “I worked on the farm, and was seeing this boy... It... It got serious.” The girl tensed and then relaxed as Istara stroked her head in a soothing manner. “We didn’t know what we were doing. We had no idea... I got sick...” Istara nodded slowly, but Lara was beyond seeing her, caught up in her story. “They took me to the doc and... I was pregnant.” Istara blinked, and then enfolded the girl tighter as Lara sobbed anew. After a few long minutes, Istara spoke.

 

“What happened, Lara?” Istara asked gently. Lara sobbed into Istara’s shoulder now.

 

“My dad... He said the life of a farmer was too hard for children. That I was too young. They killed it... I woke up one morning and the doc had come in the night... They had... they had...” Istara froze and then she was crying with the younger woman as Lara wailed. “They had no right. He was my kid... They shouldn’t have... I...” Istara spoke quietly when Lara finally rambled down.

 

“I am sorry, Lara." Istara said softly, head bowed in remembered grief. "I lost a child of my own once. I... It was my own dumb fault. But I know the pain, I know the loss, I know the grief...” Lara looked at her and the two women shared a look of complete understanding. Istara sighed. “I won’t pretend it gets easier. Because it doesn’t. But you learn to deal with it. I... I had to. With the powers I have, I didn’t have a choice. I was dangerous to everyone around me. Even when all I wanted to do was die.”

 

Lara stared at the older woman and then at the bandages that covered her wrists. Lara looked up and met the older woman’s eyes then. Her face was a mask, but underneath lay pain, fear, horror and grief. Lots of grief. Istara just sat for a long moment, letting Lara see what lay hidden behind her own eyes. Lara’s voice was hushed now.

 

“You... How can you go on?” Her voice was all sad. Istara sighed.

 

“Some days it’s easier than others." The flame haired woman said slowly. "It never goes away completely. But killing yourself isn’t the answer. When did you...leave?” Lara snorted, with no humor in her laugh.

 

“My dad wanted me back out in the field." Lara snapped, angry now. "Mom wanted me to ‘rest’. I ran off that night and I haven’t looked back. I won’t go back.” Istara nodded. She had done something very similar, but the Bladeborn had found her a day later. Obviously Lara’s parents were not as capable. Istara smiled slightly, this girl was tough, no question.

 

“So how did you get here? I assume you didn’t walk.” Lara surprised herself with a small laugh at the humor in the older woman’s voice. When she spoke it was quiet.

 

“I stowed away on a tramp freighter at the spaceport." Lara winced. "They... they didn’t like it when they caught me... I...” Istara nodded. “One of them was an older human, he said I could ‘work my way’. I had no idea...” Istara nodded again, but sat back.

 

“Bad things happen, Lara. What happened to you was awful, no question. But killing yourself won’t bring back what you lost.” For just a moment the older woman seemed far, far away. But then she smiled, just a bit. “If you had the chance, what would you do? If you could do anything?”

 

Lara blinked at that. She hadn’t ever thought about that. “I don’t understand. Sooner or later, you will drop me like everyone else has…” Her bitter words cut off as Istara laid a finger over Lara’s lips. Lara blinked as she saw the look on the other face. A total understanding. So much so that Lara’s eyes filled again. The older woman’s voice was kind.

 

“This isn’t about me." Istara said gently. "This is about you. What would you want to do?” Lara stared at her.

 

“I… I don’t know.” Lara stammered. Istara smiled.

 

“Sleep on it." Istara said gently. "You will feel better in the morning.” Lara looked around.

 

“Um… I… well…” There was only one bed. Was the woman planning on them sharing? Istara laughed gently.

 

“You have the bed. The floor here is actually fairly comfortable. Much more than some places I have slept.” Istara waited until Lara had settled before turning the lights down. “Sleep well.” Lara knew she wouldn’t be able to. Too much had happened. Too much emotion had spilled all over for her to be able to rest. So it came as a complete shock when she nodded off.

 

Istara waited until the girl’s breathing settled to sleep rhythms before taking the last of the drug the doc on the ship had given her. She hoped it would give her another good night’s sleep. She needed it. If this girl was what Istara thought she was… She had a lot of thinking to do. A lot.

[kalenath]

<A dream?>

 

Istara came to herself again. Same place as always. The red sand plain of her childhood home on Korriban stretched out before her and she cursed quietly, but... something was different. She could move. She blinked and smiled. If that scum who had betrayed her showed up here... She stiffened as something was heard. Laughter, almost a giggling.

 

Oh no...

 

She shook herself and stood erect, her lightsabers came to her hands, but she didn’t ignite them. A form coalesced before her and the laughter took on a maniac edge. The being lowered his hood and Istara nodded slightly. She knew who this was, even if she had never met him before. His eyes roved her, gauging, assessing, wandering. She didn’t react. Finally he spoke.

 

“You have led me a merry chase girl.” She didn’t move, didn’t respond and he smiled widely. “What is it with Trugoy’s brats? Always so serious. Lighten up girl. Life is too short.” She met his gaze calmly and he grinned. “I have to say, I have heard a lot about you Sharlina. We will do such great things together.”

 

In answer, Istara’s lightsabers ignited. She assumed a ready stance and the black cloaked form produced an ancient Sith sword. But the laughter continued.

 

“Do you really think you have a chance against me here girl?” Now Istara laughed.

 

“No. But what does it matter?” The man grinned.

 

“That’s the spirit. Oh you will make SUCH a great sister...” He moved towards her but her blades came up in a whirling dance of death and he stepped back, deflecting her attacks with ease. “Very skilled. Oh I will enjoy breaking you...” Istara stepped back, her blades at the ready.

 

“One of us is going to get broken, but I don’t think it’s going to be me.” The black cloaked figure moved forward sand she stepped to meet him. This time however, both the lightsabers and the war sword were evenly matched. But try as he might, the man could not find a hole in Istara’s defences, and she scored him several times lightly. Each one made him laugh harder however. She smiled grimly as she continued to laugh and attack. “You can’t beat me Ravishaw.”

 

The insane Sith lord just giggled again. “Oh my dear Sharlina.... Who said I was trying to beat you?” He grinned and something heavy slammed into her. She went flying and fell heavily. Her lightsabers flew out of her grasp. She struggled to hands and knees in time to meet a kick that threw her back to the ground, and then a boot was planted on her neck. She looked up into his eyes and saw what he held in his other hand. “This will be so much more fun...” She screamed and then...

 

<Istara’s apartment>

 

Istara came awake suddenly, conscious of her throat flaming as if she had been screaming it raw. She took a few deep breaths and then opened her eyes. What she saw made her freeze stiff. Lara lay beside her, the girl’s arms were up in a warding gesture, and she lay as if she had been...

 

“No!” She had the girl in her arms and was out the door in moments.

 

<Less than thirty minutes later>

 

Istara watched as the medical droids worked. Only one fool had asked her about payment for services and she had left him alive. Albeit crippled for a long time, maybe for life. She knew what had happened. She had done it again. Lara had likely been trying to help her, while Istara had been in the grip of her nightmare and muscle memory had taken over. Luckily, the strike that Istara’s hand had done had been off center. If it had been square on, well... She sat down heavily in a chair.

 

“It’s not your fault.” She spun to her feet and then couldn’t move. The Force held her tight. She snarled but the form that stood at the door wasn’t in black. No, his robes were brown. “I apologize. But... given what you are carrying and what I sense about you... There are a lot of innocent people around here. I have no wish to do battle with you in such a place.” Istara blinked and then slumped. The Force released her head and she swiveled it to look the Jedi square in the eyes. When she spoke it was soft and sad.

 

“The Force works in mysterious ways. I was about going to go looking for one of you.” The Jedi arced an eyebrow and Istara sighed. “The girl... She is Force sensitive.” The Jedi blinked.

 

“Why tell me?” He asked softly. Istara’s face was sad as she turned her head to see the droids working again.

 

“Because she is not very powerful, and she has been through enough pain for one lifetime." Istara said sadly. "If the Sith get her... She will die. She isn’t strong enough to survive what they do.” The Jedi stared at her and Istara sighed again. “I give you my word, a pact that I have never broken, that I will defend myself only. And as soon as I am sure this girl will live, I will leave this station and never return.” The Jedi shook his head slowly.

 

“I wish I could believe you...” He broke off as Istara shrugged and sat. He blinked at her, tense. She smiled sadly.

 

“Force stasis is powerful, but it does have limits. I am not your enemy today, Jedi. Tomorrow maybe. But not today.” The Jedi nodded to her words, but he didn’t relax. “My name is Istara, may I know yours?”

 

“My name is Micheal Jonal.” Istara nodded to him and returned her gaze to where the droids were still working.

 

“Let me tell you about a farmer’s daughter named Lara...”

[kalenath]

<Some time later>

 

When Lara woke, she was unsure where she was. The last thing she remembered was waking up hearing Istara screaming and trying to wake the woman, then... nothing. She didn’t hurt at all. That was a definite improvement. She smiled slightly as she opened her eyes and then tensed as she saw Istara sitting beside her bed, her head in her hands. The woman had been crying. She opened her mouth and managed to speak, just a little.

 

“I...Istara...?” She was amazed at how weak she was. Istara’s head snapped up and her eyes filled with joy as Lara met her gaze.

 

“Lara. Thank the Maker.” The older woman took Lara’s hand in her and gave a squeeze. Lara smiled but was puzzled.

 

“What happened?” Lara asked. Istara had a guilty look on her face now.

 

“I think I hit you. I... I was having a nightmare. Sort of anyway." Istara shook her head before continuing. "You tried to wake me up?” Lara nodded, but then grimaced. That hurt. Istara took her head in gentle hands and returned it to where it had been. When it went back to it's original position, the pain faded. Something went click and she couldn’t move it again. Not that she wanted to. “Don’t move. I... I hit you hard.”

 

Lara tensed, she had seen how hard this woman could hit. “But you will be okay.” Lara looked around as best she could without moving her head and was amazed. She was in a medical center. She had avoided those like the plague ever since she had fled her home. She had been terrified that they would ID her and send her back. As if reading her mind Istara smiled. “You don’t have to go back. I... Uh... well...” She broke off unsure and Lara looked at her.

 

“What?” Lara asked with trepidation.

 

“Someone wants to talk to you.” Istara sighed and continued. “And yes, he knows who you are and has said the same thing. You don’t have to go back.” Lara tensed, and then relaxed as she heard the end of Istara’s talk. Istara looked towards the door and Lara tried to follow her gaze, but whatever held her head in place was firm, if very soft. “Don’t move... okay...? They sealed the fracture. But it does need time to heal. If you move you may start to bleed internally again... And if that happens you will probably die.” Lara looked at the older woman and sighed.

 

“I don’t want to die." Lara admitted. "I...” Another voice came and Istara held her head in place again as Lara tired to look at the speaker. A man came into her field of view. His voice was gentle.

 

“I am glad to hear that.” The man said soberly. Lara stared at him, he wore Jedi robes! She turned scared eyes to Istara, who shrugged.

 

“It’s... well, until you are out of danger, we have a truce of sorts.” Istara said with a small frown. The Jedi nodded and Lara relaxed. But then Istara moved away and Lara spoke up.

 

“Don’t...” Lara broke off unsure of what she was asking or why. Istara came back into her field of view. Istara smiled gently.

 

“It will be all right Lara." Istara promised. "I will be right outside.” A touch on her hand and Istara was gone. The Jedi sighed.

 

“I never thought I would say this of a Sith, but she truly does seem to care.” Michael said with a smile. Lara would have shaken her head, but it didn’t move so she spoke slowly.

 

“Yes, and she has never said why.” Lara replied, unsure. The Jedi shook his head.

 

“My name is Michael Jonal, Ma’am.” He said formally. Lara smiled at him and he smiled back.

 

“Lara Holiisjai, pleased to meet you." Lara said politely. "Um... Why are you and she being so nice to me?” Lara asked with an edge of trepidation in her voice. Michael sighed. “I mean I’m just another streetwalking runaway, right?” Michael shook his head.

 

“I don’t know why she is being so nice to you, but I like being nice to people." The Jedi admitted. "For one thing it is a lot easier than apologizing to everyone I irritate when I am not.” Lara surprised herself with laugh at that. She grinned.

 

“I can see that. But... Why are you...” She broke off, something hurt. The Jedi sat beside her and she felt a touch on her arm and suddenly the pain vanished.

 

“I’ve deadened a few nerves, so you still hurt, you just won’t feel it.” Michael said with a smile. Lara smiled again.

 

“Handy ability.” Lara said and then tensed as the bed inclined. Then she relaxed as she realized she could see the Jedi and the door easily from her position. Michael grimaced.

 

“I should have done that earlier, sorry..." The Jedi aplogized. "She is... There is an undercurrent of barely repressed violence about her. She makes me nervous.” Lara snickered at that.

 

“How do you think I feel?” Lara asked with a smirk. Michael snorted, but then became serious.

 

“She didn’t know how badly you were hurt." Michael said softly. "I doubt you did either. She did detox the residue of the poison.” Lara tensed, but Michael just continued. “From the wounds we found when we examined you, I am assuming it was self administered.” Lara sighed.

 

“For all the good it did me. Made me sick, and nothing else.” Michael shook his head.

 

“It would have killed you eventually." The Jedi said soberly. "Slowly and in great pain. I am glad it didn’t.” Lara looked at him and there was no pity, no condemnation, just honest thankfulness in his expression. “You don’t have to go back to your family. There are other options.” Lara swallowed.

 

“Such as?” Lara asked after a moment. Michael sat back, a smile playing across his features.

 

“Have you ever heard of the Jedi Service Corps?” Lara blinked. She hadn’t. Michael smiled again and sat forward, ready to remedy her lack of knowledge.

[kalenath]

<A few minutes later. Nearby, yet at the same time, very far away>

 

Istara cursed. She had only sat down for a second. And she must have fallen asleep, because here he was again. At least, she reflected ruefully, it wasn’t Ravishaw this time. The gray plain stretched out before her, she remembered someone saying it was a representation of the inside of her mind? Or something like that. She didn’t remember. She focused on the other presence. Idjit stood as he always had. But now, he just looked at her. She smirked inwardly. He had tried the silent treatment before and it had never worked. She could out stare him any day. She met his eyes and smirked. But she didn’t speak. She felt his senses sweeping over her and snarled, but there wasn’t anything else she could do, bound by the Force as she was. And it wasn’t Force stasis, no, this was something different. It allowed her limited mobility, but at the same time, held her in place. And it was a lot stronger than the time she had managed to break it. Finally he spoke.

 

“It wasn’t you.” She blinked. But she didn’t speak. He sighed. “Istara, it wasn’t you. Ravishaw wanted to hurt you. And what better way than to make you hurt an innocent? Someone you were trying to help. That is why she didn’t die. He didn’t want her to.” She just glared at him, remaining silent. He shook his head. “Come on, Istara, I know you are mad at me. Maker knows you have reason, but please, let me help.” She shook her head the little it would move and now Idjit cursed. “You always were boneheaded, but this is ridiculous. I know what you are planning. With the kid. Don’t do it.” Now Istara snarled at him and spoke.

 

“So I should trust you to help her." Istara snapped. "Yeah, right. Like the last time I trusted people to help someone I cared about. See what happened then.” Idjit bowed his head.

 

“Istara..." the seer said with a sigh. "I know I hurt you. I know... I messed up. But... All I can say is I am sorry.” Istara stared at him, her face working as she tried to struggle past her rage. Finally, she managed to speak.

 

“You are sorry.” Her voice was low, and cold. “You are sorry? Oh, well, I guess that makes it all better then.” The sarcasm in her voice could have cut durasteel. “You lied to me. You used my own desires for comfort against me. I trusted you as much as I trusted anyone, and you used that against me. Oh well, betrayal is the way of the Sith, isn’t it?” Now Idjit flinched. But she wasn’t done. “If it had only hurt me, I might be able to forgive you and only blame that little brown pile of garbage. But it didn’t. You lied to me. You and the midget took away the only thing in my life that was stable. And then you hurt the only person I can love now. Go. Away.” To her horror her eyes started burning. Idjit slumped.

 

“I was wrong." The blind man said softly. "To do what I did. I should have told you. But she scared me.” Istara snarled at him.

 

“Of course she scared you." Istara shook herself and calmed a bit before speaking again. "You locked her up! How would you have reacted? You know the curse she bears. You know. How could you do that? Allow that to happen to her? And to use me like that, to hold her...” Istara shook her head, and wetness flew. But she continued. “You... I loved you... And you threw it away.” Now she was calm again. Idjit sighed.

 

“I feel the conflict within you, Istara. I am the same way." Idjit said sadly. "Duty, or love... I do still love you. Open yourself, and see...” Istara shook her head again.

 

“Another lie." Istara snapped. "Some means of helping you and the Bladeborn find Setsuna. Forget it.” Idjit slumped and then he straightened.

 

“If you go with that girl, they will never let you leave." Idjit said slowly. "You know that.” Idjit pleaded. Istara smiled grimly. “Istara... Don’t do this...”

 

“Why? You afraid the Jedi will kill me? Or is it that might I find out something you and Trugoy don’t want me to know?” At that, Idjit recoiled back. Now Istara’s voice was hard. “Did you really think I wouldn’t figure it out? All it took was a bit of thought, and I have had time to think.” Idjit was shaking his head.

 

“Istara, don’t do this.” He begged. But she just smiled.

 

“What? Ask questions?” Istara snapped. “I wondered. Who could be crazy enough to brand himself with a Bladeborn brand? Why would he? He is insane, yes. Then I remembered him. I had forgotten. Like so much else, I had forgotten him. But...” Idjit was shaking his head savagely now.

 

“Istara stop.” He said sadly. “You do not want to pursue that line of inquiry. You do not.” But Istara just sighed.

 

“It was going to come out, Idjit..” Idjit stepped back now. “Sooner or later, people who matter, people who are not already dead will be asking the same questions.” Idjit shook his head.

 

“You are not dead.” In answer she held up her arm with the gruesome wound on it where her brand had been. “You are not dead. And he won’t give up, Istara. He won’t, until he has driven you as mad as he is.” The woman nodded.

 

“I know. That is why I am going to Tython.”

[kalenath]

<Two days later>

 

Everything was ready. Istara had told her boss at the cantina she was leaving and closed out her account for the apartment. The Bith had been dismayed, but had consoled himself that her sheer reputation would keep many of the lowlifes away. After all, who knew if she would come back and if she did and found more scum in ‘her’ cantina, well... Istara had taken leave of the few beings who had sort of become, well, not friends, she didn’t trust herself to have friends again. Not after what happened before. But close acquaintances. Not that there were many of them. Basically the staff of the cantina and a couple of the regulars there. And she had dropped the hint that she might be very displeased if anything were to happen there while she was gone. But now, she hoisted her few belongings and walked towards the landing bays.

 

As she left the lift, she had to so smile a little. Lara was technically mobile now. But no one, Istara especially, wanted to take any chances, so she was in a droid propelled wheelchair. But the smile vanished quickly. Michael was walking beside the girl, speaking in low tones and Lara was replying in an animated tone. For a moment, Istara felt a stab of jealousy, but she acknowledged it and let it fall away. Now was not the time to be angry. Michael looked up and nodded to her. She nodded back and moved to join the mismatched pair. She had to admit, Lara looked good. Istara smiled at Lara and the girl smiled back.

 

“You ready to go, Lara?” Istara asked softly. The girl pursed her lips, and would have nodded, but the brace that still held her head in place denied that. She grimaced.

 

“Yes." Lara snarled, but her heart wasn't in it. "Maker, I will be glad to get out of this... thing.” Istara matched her pace to the wheelchair and took Lara’s hand in her own.

 

“I am sorry, Lara. What happened to you was my responsibility. I will see it made right.” No shouted declaration could have been more final than her quiet words and Lara’s eyes glistened as Istara took up position behind the chair. From his own position, Michael nodded. They reached the hangar bay without incident. But then Istara tensed as two robed forms approached. More Jedi, a female human and a female Togruta. She squared her shoulders and slowly reached for her sabers. The two forms visibly tensed, but then relaxed as she handed them to Michael. It was almost physically painful, to lose the only things that she really had left of her past. She had her clothes and armor, yes. But her lightsabers were special. She had taken them as prizes from Dark Jedi and had rebuilt them to her own specifications. They were, literally, extensions of her own will. And to surrender them without a fight... That hurt. A lot. The other two Jedi nodded to her and she extended her hands, as if for binders. The human spoke.

 

“Like that would make you any less dangerous?” The woman asked with a smile. Istara surprised herself with a snort of laughter that the Jedi shared. Istara sighed.

 

“What should I do then?" The former Bladeborn asked carefully. "This is not what I trained for.” The Jedi nodded.

 

“Follow me please.” Istara looked at Lara, but the girl smiled and Istara smiled back. She followed the Jedi to where the ship waited. It was small and looked fast. The Jedi spoke again. “I apologize that the quarters will be cramped...” Istara snorted again.

 

“As long as it’s not a prison cell, it’s got to be somewhat comfortable." Istara said philosophically. "Even cells can be, occasionally.” The Jedi looked at her as they entered the ship.

 

“You speak as if you have been in more than a few.” The other woman said with a quirky expression. Istara nodded.

 

“More than a few.” Istara didn’t elaborate and the Jedi didn’t press. The Jedi led her through the ship to a small dormitory and there, Istara got a shock. There was another figure in Jedi robes there, a very young looking Cerean. The kid couldn’t have been older than four or five. The kid was making tea, but Istara shook her head, dumbfounded, before turning to the Jedi.

 

“You put a child in danger.” Istara's voice was flat, unemotional. The Jedi nodded.

 

“Of all the beings in the galaxy, who are you least likely to hurt, even by accident?” The Jedi said slowly. Istara’s eyes shot open at that.

 

“It is not safe to be around me right now.” Indeed, the night before she had heard laughter in her dreams. While she had managed to wake quickly, it left her very, very afraid. And to have a child near her right now... She didn’t want to do anything else horrible. She didn’t. The girl walked up to her, a steaming mug in a small hand. The girl extended it to Istara who stared. The girl bowed and Istara sighed. She took the cup and smelled it. Then she shook her head. “You have been talking to someone who wears black.” She wasn't sure how she felt about that.

 

Neither Jedi responded, but Istara knew. This was her favorite blend of tea. She hadn’t had it since she had last talked to the Barabel who had adopted her as a child. The ship shuddered a bit, and a voice came over the loudspeaker warning of imminent take off. Istara sat, and fastened her harness. She didn’t like flying. The Jedi followed suit, but Istara noticed that the older woman stayed between Istara and the hatch. Istara shook her head, but the Jedi spoke first.

 

“My name is Anya and this is Ina-Ta-Mal, my Padawan.” The young Cerean bowed from the neck and Istara did likewise. “We were detailed to escort you to Tython. Would you mind if we talked?” Istara tensed, but Anya smiled. “Nothing sinister. I would just like to know who you are.”

 

Istara forced herself to relax. This was what she wanted, right? A way to break the holds that people had on her mind. When she spoke it was quiet, but easily understandable. “There are some things I cannot talk about. But what I can speak of, I will. My name as you know is Istara Andal. What else would you like to know?”

 

Anya nodded. “What forms do you practice? I saw two sabers.” Whatever Istara had expected that wasn’t on the list.

 

“Well... I know many forms, but Shi-cho is...” Istara was distracted, so never felt the whisper light touch on her mind.

 

<Nearby>

 

“By... The... Force...” The small Kel Dor was holding tears in, barely. The Togruta nodded.

 

“As we feared. She needs help. Help we can’t give here. I hope the Council or the healers can. Otherwise...”

 

“He will come for her. Master...”

 

“I know. I know...”

[kalenath]

<Hyperspace, three days later>

 

Istara shook her head. “I don’t want to sleep. I...” Anya sighed. She had dealt with stubborn people before, being a Jedi meant she dealt with lots of them, but this was ridiculous. Istara had been up for the entire trip!

 

“I understand." Anya said soberly. "But you have to. You have already been up for almost sixty hours. Even with the Force, there are limits Istara.” Istara shook her head.

 

“You don’t understand.” She froze as Anya touched her on the sleeve. The Jedi wasn’t one of casual touching, but they had talked a lot over the last few days. And Istara would not hurt Anya, not knowingly anyway. It was a measure of Istara’s fatigue that she didn’t pull away. Anya’s voice was gentle.

 

“Nothing will happen to you." Anya promised gently. "We can protect you from him.” Istara shook her head.

 

“I’m not worried about something happening to me...” She looked at Anya and the Jedi nodded soberly.

 

“We can help you sleep, but...” Anya broke off and grimaced. Istara nodded.

 

“You will need to restrain me, and... I...” Istara slumped. “You know what he does.” It wasn’t a question. Anya laid a gentle hand on Istara’s shoulder.

 

“It won’t happen.” Anya promised again. Istara smiled sadly.

 

“If it does, don’t let me become a threat.” Anya nodded again, her face set. Istara stood for a moment, then went to the bed that was in the quarters she had been provided. She sat down and slumped. “I hope your restraints are strong...” Anya nodded and pulled a set of stun cuffs out of a pouch. Istara looked at them and shook her head. “You will need a lot more than that."

 

Anya raised an eyebrow and Istara nodded. She lay down and let the Jedi restrain her. Every fiber of her being was crying out that this was bad, that this was wrong. But she just lay quiet as the Jedi strapped her in place. Finally, the Jedi stepped back.

 

“Do you want sedation?” Anya asked. Istara thought about that.

 

“You may have to." Istara said soberly. "I’m too far to sleep naturally, I think.” Anya nodded and pulled a hypo out of her pouch. Istara met her eyes. “Don’t trust anything I say, until and unless you can scan me thoroughly. And whatever you do, don’t release me, or let your Padawan anywhere near me. Until you are sure.” Anya nodded again. She laid the hypo against Istara’s arm and a tingling swept though the supine woman. Then...

 

<A dream or a nightmare>

 

Istara was standing alone on a large red plain. And she heard laughter. She felt fear, but she didn’t flinch. Her voice was steady when she spoke.

 

“Show yourself.” Ravishaw’s form appeared in front of her.

 

“Ah, Sharlina. Come to swear allegiance?” He crooned. She shook her head. “Oh, so stubborn. You do your momma proud.” Tendrils of thought swept over her, but she held firm. When she spoke again, it was still calm.

 

“I have a question.” Ravishaw laughed, a merry sound that was just so out of place.

 

“No doubt you do. Come, walk with me...” He waved towards the distance, but Istara just stood.

 

“I don’t think so. What happened to you? I finally remembered you.” Ravishaw froze, but then his face split in a huge smile. He laughed and all warmth seemed to flee from his merriment.

 

“Sharlina, I confess... You have amazed me. I never expected you to guess the truth. Or be able to handle it so well.” Istara shook her head slowly. “Come girl, this is only going to end one way. Come on, I guarantee you will enjoy it.” His grin was wide, but her eyes were cold and hard as she met his and wonder of wonders he stepped back.

 

“My name is Istara.” Ravishaw tensed. Everything seemed to stop. “And I will not serve you, or your sect.” Ravishaw grinned again.

 

“Oh yes you will. Willingly or not, you will serve us. Actually I prefer when they fight.” His blade appeared in his hand but Istara didn’t move. “Come on girl, make it hard. You know you want it to hurt. Let it out, give in to your rage again.” Istara spoke quietly.

 

“There is no emotion...” Ravishaw’s face went slack, and Istara continued to recite the Jedi Code. “...there is peace.” After a moment, Ravishaw laughed again.

 

“Oh, a good jest." He chortled, deeply amused. "You, a Jedi. Now I have heard everything.” But Istara just spoke again, quietly.

 

“There is no ignorance, there is knowledge.” Ravishaw snorted and a strong pulse of Force energy threw her back, but she didn’t fight it, no, she rode it and wound up back on her feet. “There is no passion, there is serenity.” Ravishaw snarled now and he moved in to attack, but Istara made no move to defend herself. “There is no death, there is the Force.” Ravishaw attacked, but... his blade stopped just short of her skin. Istara met his gaze calmly. “You can’t can you?” She sighed, melancholy. “All this time, all this pain. My own, Lara's... And it was my own rage, grief and anger that let you in. Get out of my mind, Ravishaw.” Ravishaw snarled and struck gain, but the blade didn’t, indeed couldn’t, bite into her. His face contorted with rage.

 

“You think they will take you in?” Ravisahw demanded. “Protect you? You have killed Jedi, many Jedi.” Istara shook her head.

 

“No." Istara said sadly. "I don't think that. But I will not be your puppet.” Ravishaw grinned.

 

“You will be mine girl." Ravishaw snapped. "Remember that. Sooner or later, your wards will fail. All it will take is time and I...” he broke off as other forms started appearing around them. All in brown robes. “This isn’t over, Sharlina.” Istara met his gaze again.

 

“My name is Istara. Get out of my mind and stay out.” He smiled, made an obscene gesture to all the Jedi surrounding them and vanished. Only after he was gone, did she fall to her knees and cry.

[kalenath]

<Quite a bit later>

 

“I don’t understand.” Ina-Ta-Mal stood beside her master and both looked through the observation window into the hospital room where a woman lay sleeping. Istara hadn't woken even when they arrived at the Enclave. The healers were not sure she ever would. “Why won’t she wake up?” Anya sighed.

 

“I don’t know Ina. The docs say a whole bunch of things. But... I think they are as stumped as we are. To tell you the truth, I don’t know myself how she managed to keep him out of her mind. I do know it hurt her, whatever she did. Not physically, although there are physical results...” Ina nodded. They had found Istara asleep on her bunk when they had checked on her the morning after sedating her, but they had been unable to rouse her. And now, the docs were unable to rouse her. “Most of what we know is what she isn’t. She is there, but she isn’t. Her mind isn’t in her body.” Ina thought about that for a moment.

 

“Then we need to get her mind back into her body.” Ina said with conviction. Anya sighed.

 

“Easier said than done, Ina." Anya said sadly. "We can’t find where she is hiding now. The mind is a tricky thing.” Ina blinked and looked thoughtful. Anya waited and Ina finally spoke.

 

“When I was growing up, I heard a story, about humans. It was what they called a fairy tale, a tale meant to entertain. They called the story ‘Sleeping Beauty’.” Anya blinked and Ina shrugged. “I know it’s just fiction, but maybe we could find a prince for her...” She broke off as Anya smiled.

 

“Out of the mouths of Padawans... Come with me.” Ina-Ta-Mal blinked and then followed her Master a bit dubious, but trusting.

 

<An hour later>

 

Both seers stared at the Anya with the exact same expression. Dumbfounded shock. Finally, Ashla Ti broke the silence.

 

“You want us to do... what?” The master seer asked slowly. Anya licked her lips. It had made so much more sense when she had been thinking about it, but now...

 

“She has withdrawn so far, none of us can find her. Can you?” The two seers, the old Togruta and the very young Kel Dor exchanged a glance and shook their heads.

 

“And you think someone...else can find her.” The Kel Dor asked dubiously. Anya nodded. After all, the information they had on Istara had come from a very odd source. It wasn’t every day a Sith seer asked for favors after all...

 

“He may be the only one who can.” Anya said with a frown. The seers looked at each other and Ashla Ti sighed.

 

“We can ask, but..." Ashla TI shared a glance with Diseree before continuing. "There is no way to be sure he can help. Or if he will be able to. He is bound by as many restrictions as we are. More even.” Anya nodded.

 

“They will put her on full support this afternoon. I wish Nolkas were here, but... There is nothing wrong with her.” Ashla Ti shook her head.

 

“Yes there is." The seer corrected her colleague. "She had to give up everything she believed in to keep that scum out of her mind. It hurt her, badly. The backlash of Dark Side energy did damage as well. We caught it, but she retreated before we could talk to her. And she is very good at hiding herself.” Anya nodded. “But we will ask.”

 

Anya bowed to the seers and left the room quickly, hoping. Diseree looked at Ashla Ti and sighed.

 

“He might take it better coming from me...” Diseree said slowly. Ashla Ti nodded, but her face held worry.

 

“Be careful.” The Togruta said quietly. Diseree smiled.

 

“Hey, it’s me.”

 

<Later, outside of time and space>

 

“Out of the question.” The cloud that was Idjit of the Bladeborn was still, almost motionless. No energy coruscated across its gray expanse now. Diseree stood in front of him, her posture pleading.

 

“Idjit, please..." Diseree begged. "If you don’t she will die.” The cloud seemed to convulse, but his voice was still quiet and calm when he spoke.

 

“So instead, I should help you turn her.” Idjit's voice was cold now. Disree shook her head.

 

“We don’t want to turn her." Diseree said soberly. "We want to help her. She is hurting in so many ways. You know that, better than any...” The girl broke off suddenly. “What happened?” Idjit’s form withdrew a bit, but Diseree followed slowly. “Idjit what happened?” For a long moment, it seemed he wouldn’t respond, but he finally spoke. When he did, it was sad.

 

“I couldn’t help her. He did... something... to keep me away. I couldn’t get close. But I could hear. Did you hear what she said?” Diseree shook her head. Idjit’s voice became cold. “She quoted your code.” Diseree stiffened. “And to keep him out, she had to do more than quote it, she had to believe it. I can’t help her now. I want to, but I can’t.” Diseree nodded slowly. If Istara had turned, that made her much more than an exiled Bladeborn. It made her a traitor to the Bladeborn. And if that were the case...

 

“She hasn’t betrayed you." Diseree corrected him. "She was trying to survive, anyway she could.” Idjit snarled and Diseree felt fear, but held her ground.

 

“If she had accepted my help..." Idjit snapped. "None of this would have happened...” Diseree shook her head.

 

“I don’t know what happened between you two and it isn’t germane at the moment. If she falls any deeper unconscious... Idjit they are already putting her on full support.” Diseree was nearly crying. A sob escaped the cloud. “Idjit, please, if you ever loved her, help us help her.” Diseree retreated a step as Idjit shouted.

 

“I still love her!” The sound reverberated across the emptiness around them. The cloud condensed. It was still gaseous, but man shaped. Diseree looked at where the head would be on a human and nodded.

 

“Then help her.” Diseree said soberly.

 

“If I can.” Idjit’s voice was quiet. "I will."

 

<Later>

 

Anya relaxed as Istara’s eyes opened. She smiled. “Welcome back, sleepy head.” Istara stared around the medical bay in bafflement.

 

“What did I miss?” Istara asked groggily. Anya grinned.

 

“Not much, Ina should be in with breakfast shortly.” With all of Istara’s befuddled focus on Anya words, she didn’t feel a dark presence in the Force withdraw. But Anya did. She sat beside Istara’s bed and smiled.

 

She hadn’t really believed, but when the ghostly presence had kissed Istara’s lips, the woman had stirred. She had been told it wasn’t a true ghost. But she didn’t know, and truth be told, didn’t care. Sleeping Beauty was awake, and if her Dark Prince had withdrawn, well, there was time for them to figure things out now that Istara wasn’t fading away.

[kalenath]

<Two days later>

 

Istara had had enough. The Jedi were kind, in their own way. But also definitely a bit on the obtuse side. or at least the healers were turning a complete blind eye to her need for exercise. So she had been in the bed for a sevenday, so what? At least they had taken the last monitors off of her. She sighed and sat up.

 

"Ma'am..." One of the healers came over and Istara looked at her then focused on her feet. The appendages hurt, but they moved. "Ma'am you shouldn't be moving just yet..."

 

"Too long in the bed, doc. Need to move..." The healer didn't move any closer and Istara sighed inwardly. Being thought of as highly dangerous had its drawbacks.

 

The healer didn't budge. "Miss Istara... You have been asleep for seven days. You need rest." Istara managed to get her feet over the side of the bed and the healer shook his head. "Ma'am, if we have to, we can restrain you."

 

Istara grinned, but her heart wasn't in it. "You and what army, doc?" She managed to get her feet on the floor, but the room spun and she was saved from falling on her face by the healer's strong arms. He set her upright and stepped back out of reach as she gripped the side of the bed.

 

"Ma'am..." The healer's tone was exasperated.

 

"Suspect that one would be difficult to restrain, I do," Someone stated from out of Istara's sight. There was the slight clacking of wood meeting the floor as a small green figure came around the healer. Brown eyes studied the patient in a thoughtful manner before looking at the doctor. "Some fresh air be in order think I."

 

The doctor stared from patient to the newcomer and nodded, reluctantly. "If you start to feel bad..." Istara nodded, but her eyes were on the newcomer.

 

"I know..." Istara tried to bow, and nearly fell again, but this time, she caught herself. "I am Istara Andal. May I know your name?"

 

The grey haired newcomer gave the doctor a toothy grin. "Watch her health I will. Not the only healer you are," She said as if the entire situation was a joke before looking to Istara. "Yeri I am, Master healer for this enclave I be. Students that slack off in their lessons call me slavedriver, they do." The first doctor sighed, but shook his head and moved to assist other patients muttering under his breath.

 

Istara nodded, a bit bewildered. She had never met any of Trugoy's race before anywhere else in the galaxy. "I don't mean to be a bother, but I can't stay in the bed."

 

Yeri kept a smile in place and the air around her seem to give off waves of calm. "Bumps on logs, we are not. Come, come, outside shall we go. Stretch the legs we must. Remember the old and small are not as fast as the young and tall though please."

 

Istara surprised herself with a genuine laugh. "Why do I doubt that I could ever outrun you? Lead on Master Healer." Istara made her way slowly to where Yeri stood. Yeri gave a nod and turned, her staff clicking away as she lead the way out into the fresh air.

 

"Pleased we are that you recovered," Yeri stated as they walked. "Not many retreat so far."

 

Istara shook her head. "I don't know how I came back. I just... well... it is going to sound dumb..."

 

Yeri snorted at that and slanted a glance, "Never dumb what is true."

 

Istara smiled. "But does it have to make sense?"

 

"Always make sense does life?" Yeri asked, "To us, not always sense makes, but in the greater creation..." She left the question hanging leaving Istara to answer that one on her own. "What so dumb was?"

 

Istara sighed, her face melancholy. "When I was young and foolish I fell in love with someone. I... I could have sworn he was there when I woke up. But that is impossible. He couldn't come here of all places."

 

"Why?" Yeri asked bluntly. "Perfect are we in our ways here?"

 

Istara tensed, but then relaxed. "No, it’s just... well... He is sworn not to come here. And he takes, well took, his honor very seriously. He wouldn't have come here, although part of me wishes he could."

 

Yeri stopped the pair by a bench then. "Allow this old one to rest please?" she asked as she sat carefully, having to hop to get onto the bench. "Stand if you like though." She sat silent for a moment then as if pondering events, "Did he love you?"

 

Istara tensed at the question, but then sighed. "I will sit if you don't mind. Sheer stubbornness has its limits." She sat down carefully. "And... I thought so... I really did..."

 

"Then found a way he did perhaps," Yeri pointed out. "Sees no oaths, orders, or borders does love; not when real it is." She grinned a bit then and chuckled at some memory, "Odd for a master to learn from a student..."

 

Istara sighed. "Well, it doesn't matter now. He is my past." She looked around and smiled a bit sadly. "I suppose this is my future."

 

Yeri raised a brow at the statement. "Decide now do not. Many wounds crisscross you Istara. Rest and healing required for now. See clearly when blinded one cannot nor move can one when loaded down so heavily."

 

Istara nodded and took a deep breath. Then another. "I don't know what to do. My life was a lie. My duty is… almost totally unattainable. All I know is war, fighting and death." She fingered the huge scar that crossed her left forearm.

 

"Hmm, then perhaps get to know peace you should," Yeri gave a small impish grin then. "Rest in their sheaths blades do, holstered blasters are, and sit in infirmaries till they go mad, even warriors are known to do."

 

Istara blinked at the small figure and then she laughed. "You… are bad." She sighed. "You remind me of someone I knew..." Her face turned sad.

 

Yeri reached out a hand and patted Istara's back. "Mourn the losses you must, for part of healing it is. Speak of what you must if you wish to. Always a friendly ear I have. Plenty of time you have here."

 

Istara nodded. "Thank you, Master Healer. I... I think I will sit here for a time, and then I should return and apologize to the doctor. I know he is just doing his job.”

 

Yeri chuckled, "Yes was he. Used to handfuls he is. Sit with you may I? The bones, still tired they are."

 

Istara nodded. “I don’t mind. It is good to just... sit. I have never... really done that.” She had never been in one place for any length of time. Always a mission, a job, a fight. Never any time to be at peace, to be still. It felt… good…

 

"Sit and do nothing then let us. A wonder of the universe it is, and for clearing the head good," Yeri said with a smile as she simply watched some birds chase each other. Istara smiled as well and watched the birds, free for once, from worry and fear. No one to fight. No one to worry about. Free to just be... someone else. Someone who wasn’t a bloodthirsty witch.

 

((Much thanks to Setie for her assistance with this post and allowing me to use Master Yeri for this post))

[kalenath]

<This part of the story takes place during the events of First Star to the Right…>

 

<Quite a bit later>

 

“You have got to come back.” Idjit shook his head at the holo. Not that he could see it, per say, but he could sense it, sort of anyway. Not that he needed to, with the tone of his master’s voice. “Idjit, we need you. The few times you have shown up recently… You show up, help out and leave immediately. We need you… And she doesn’t.” Idjit bit his lip, but didn’t respond. “Idjit… Do I have to make it an order?”

 

“Master, please…" Idjit wasn't begging, but it was close. "I… I can’t just leave her. You know what is going to happen.” A long silence came from the holo.

 

“You cannot go to Tython. Yes, I know you bent the rule.” Idjit tensed, but Trugoy just sighed. “There is a reason for that rule, and you know what it is. But… I think no harm was done.”

 

“Master, she is there." Idjit said softly. "She will probe. She will question. She will find out.” Trugoy sighed again. "punish me as you will, but it will not stop her. Nothing will now."

 

“If she does, we can’t help her or stop her. We need you, Ravishaw is making his move on Will Kalenath.” Idjit smiled grimly, but Trugoy continued. “Don’t even think about it boy. He is too much for you to take alone. You will be working with Vorren again. And we will be close.” Idjit shook his head again, but Trugoy spoke sharply now. “What will it be then MasterBlade?” Idjit slumped and spoke in a monotone.

 

“What is thy bidding, my master?” Idjit snapped. Trugoy spoke even sharper now.

 

“Don’t… start…” Idjit looked up at the sheer pain in Trugoy’s words now. He couldn’t see the small brown form, but he knew that tears were falling. “I screwed up, yes. And I can’t fix it. All I saw was the darkness roiling off that Setsuna girl. I should have seen the rest. All of the rest of you did and I didn’t.” He sighed. “Idjit, we need you. We are getting reports of a strange plague now. It only affects Force users, and their eyes become dark, filled with blood. Idjit… They go crazy like you did in your vision.” Idjit’s breath left him in an explosive grunt.

 

“Status?” Idjit’s voice was clipped, focused and Trugoy responded in kind.

 

“Right now, the respective governments are keeping it quiet. They won’t be able to keep it that way. He is making his move Idjit, starting to anyway. And with Ravishaw making his move at the same time…” Idjit sighed.

 

“Where do you want me?” Idjti asked, unsure if he was going to obey or not. Trugoy sighed again.

 

“Meet us at point 11-2, and hurry…” The holo cut out and Idjit sighed. He shook his head and he turned to his navicomputer. Luckily everything on his small ship was set up for voice access. And his droid was an excellent pilot.

 

“Plot to meet the Bladehome, T7.” The droid responded with an affirmative and Idjit lay back in his seat. At least through the plain he could look in on her from time to time. It would have to do. No one noticed when his small ship vanished into hyperspace from the very fringes of the Tython system. And no one noticed when a small craft jumped seconds after Idjit’s ship did. An oddly shaded small craft.

 

<On Tython>

 

Istara was of two minds. The Jedi were kind. She had always been taught that Jedi were weak minded ignorant fools who spurned power in the name of their precious ethics. But that point of view was flawed. She truly liked it here. It was quiet, peaceful and Yeri was good to talk to. The old Jedi knew a lot, far more than Istara could have possibly guessed, but she didn’t press. No one did. No one tried to turn her, and if a few of the glances that came her way were hostile or at best neutral, no one had attacked her.

 

But at the same time, something was wrong. Very wrong. She felt… pulled. As if something were drawing her. But that made no sense at all. Every so often, she would find herself staring at a mountain that stood in the distance, just staring at it. She had found it on a map. Maker help her, she was doing it again! She turned away from the window in disgust and stopped short.

 

What the flarg?

 

The small spaceport that served the Enclave was suddenly awash with ships. Big ships, small ships, medium sized ships… Lots of ships. She shook her head and went to find Anya. She had been astounded that she was allowed free access to almost everywhere in the Enclave. The Archives of course were off limits and the Council Chambers were as well. Not that she minded. The last thing she wanted to do right now was face the Jedi Council… Of course, they wouldn’t let her leave, they were not stupid. Not that she wanted to. For the first time in her life, Istara was content. She was at peace. And it felt good. She had even joined few of the classes, basic ones only. And while the Jedi gave her a wide berth on occasion, she didn’t really mind. She was dangerous. And while it hurt on occasion, it was only prudent to be safe. She saw Anya observing a group of Padawans and smiled a bit. Ina was among them and was very proficient. The young Cerean was a natural. Anya saw Istara’s eyes on her and nodded. They moved a bit away so they wouldn’t disturb the class and Istara spoke.

 

“What is going on?” Istara asked, somewhat worried. “I have never seen so many ships here.” Anya made a face.

 

“Yeah, we have had an… Well, an invasion is what the archivists call it.” Istara started, but Anya smiled. “A non-hostile one. Mostly anyway. We have kept them away from the students and you.” Istara blinked.

 

“Who?” istara asked, worried. Anya sighed.

 

“Media mostly.” Anya made a face. At that Istara tensed. All of her encounters with media people, both Sith and republic, hadn’t ended well. Anya made quick to reassure her. “Nothing to do with you, it just… Well, you know about the Stormhawk.” Istara nodded, wondering where this was going. Anya continued. “They surrendered to Republic Forces a week ago. Here.” Istara went stiff as a plank.

 

“Why would they…?" Istara started and then paused and shook her head. "Never mind, if you do know, you probably can’t tell me…” She broke off as Anya grimaced.

 

“I don’t know." Anya admitted. "All I know for sure, is that they brought a woman for medical treatment. She had apparently run afoul of the same Sith Lord who was after you.” Istara’s eyes went wide at that. Ravishaw was bad news. “And the healers… Well, no one is saying anything. Not with all the media around, but… No one is happy.” Istara nodded. “And if Sharra Kalenath dies…” Anya broke off as Istara’s face went pure white. “Istara…?” She asked,. Was Istara about to faint?

 

“Who did you say?” Anya stared at the woman she called friend now and blinked.

 

“Sharra Kalenath.” Anya stiffened as Istara recoiled. “Istara…?”

 

“Is her husband here?” Istara’s voice was so low as to be almost inaudible. Anya nodded. “I need to talk to him.” At that Anya shook her head.

 

“This is not a good time.” Anya said slowly. Istara sighed and nodded.

 

“This may be the only chance I have. I have to talk to him…”

[kalenath]

<Two hours later>

 

Anya was shaking her head as she ushered Istara through the mass of people around the entrance to the healer’s wing. Neither spoke, and with so many other figures in Jedi robes about, they were unremarkable. Only after they had passed beyond the two Jedi watching the door and it closed behind them did either relax at all. Istara shook her head.

 

“Gah...” Istara snarled halfheartedly. “There are downsides to being nice.” Anya nodded, but shepherded her charge through the corridors.

 

“I couldn’t get you in alone." Anya said soberly. "The healer will be there, and I have to be there as well.” Istara nodded. It would have been utterly insane for the Jedi to leave her alone with a wounded person. Especially someone who was a declared enemy of the Sith Empire. Suddenly, a door ahead of them opened and a form emerged. A Rakata. Istara blinked and then nodded. This must be Nolikas. Even among the Sith, they had heard of the Jedi healer. Rakata were becoming more known as they re-entered galactic civilization. Istara wondered how most of the galaxy would feel if they knew the history of the Infinite Empire taught to the Sith. But then she discarded that. It wasn’t important. They stopped in front of the Rakata who shook her huge head slowly.

 

“I am against this.” The Rakata snapped. “He has been through hell, and is going through worse. If you hurt him, I will throw you out of here so hard you will bounce off the starport dome.” Said dome being more than a kilometer away from the enclave. Istara had to smile a bit at the healer’s cold tone. It seemed healers were all the same, everywhere.

 

“Healer Nolikas, I have no intention of harming him.” Istara promised. “But I must say something to him formally.” The healer looked at Anya, who nodded. Nolikas sighed.

 

“Keep it brief. They have already been at him all day...” She opened the door and started in but stopped. “Will...” Her voice held exasperation now and when the two other women entered, they saw Will standing by the window, staring out at the spaceport. He turned to face them and Istara’s breath caught. There was something about him... But it eluded her mind. He looked at Nolikas, then at Anya and Istara. When he spoke there was fatigue in his voice.

 

“I understand you wanted to talk to me.” Anya made a small motion and Will focused on Istara. His eyes held her. So cold, and at the same time, so warm. It was odd. In a graceful move, she knelt, arms crossing.

 

“My name is Istara Andal. My life is yours.” Everything in the room seemed to stop. A choked off exclamation of disbelief came from Anya. Will was the first to speak, but her eyes remained on the floor. His voice held shock.

 

“What did you say?” Will Kalenath asked, dumbfounded. “I don’t know you...wait... Do I?” His voice was thoughtful and she nodded, still with her face down.

 

“We met on Onderon.” Istara said slowly. An intake of breath came from Will’s direction, but she still didn’t meet his eyes. When he spoke, it was quiet.

 

“You... You were the Sith in the medical bay?" He asked, bemused. "I couldn’t see anything through the bandages and machinery. Just that you were alive.” Istara nodded. “You were awake?” Istara nodded again. “You don’t owe me anything. I left you alive so you could explain to your master how you had failed.” This last came out cold, but Istara nodded yet again.

 

“Indeed. I owe you nothing, and yet, I owe you everything.” Istara said quietly. “You held my life in your hands and didn’t take it. You could have killed me, maybe you should have killed me. But what you did made me think. It made me question. It made me...” She broke off overcome. Anya laid a hand on Istara’s shoulder. Will spoke in a hushed tone now.

 

“It was you, wasn’t it? Who saved my mother.” He asked, unsure. Istara nodded. “Why?”

 

“I told myself it was for a pragmatic reason." Istara said soberly. "I told myself it was for the Empire, to maybe give you a reason not to fight them. I told myself and my superiors all this and more. All lies...” Will’s voice was quiet.

 

“No lies worse than the ones we tell ourselves.” The soldier said sadly. Istara nodded.

 

“I did it because I wanted to.” Istara slumped a bit before continuing. “It made me feel good. To help others. I felt whole. For the first time since...” Now she was crying. “Since I miscarried my child...” A horrified gasp came from behind her and now boots moved into her line of sight. She didn’t look up but a hand, rough surfaced, but gentle, took her jaw and slowly inched it up. Will looked her in the eyes and smiled sadly.

 

“You owe me nothing, Istara Andal.” The soldier said slowly, and his eyes were glistening. He released her jaw and she shook her head slowly.

 

“Where you lead, I will follow.” She declared. His eyes held something now, something she couldn’t explain. “I must save my sister, but after that... I had planned on ending my life. One does not just leave the Bladeborn after all.” Will nodded and she continued. “But now, if you would have me...” Will shook his head.

 

“I cannot trust you." He said sadly. "Maybe you are genuine, maybe not. But Sith live betrayal. The Dark Side is betrayal.” Istara nodded.

 

“I cannot use the Dark Side again. If I do... He has me.” Will blinked at her words. “That is what he does, the one who hurt your wife. He dominates minds, takes them over and reforms them to serve him. I cannot use the Dark Side again. If I do, the pathways open up again, and he will take control. I have asked the Jedi to keep me from becoming a threat. I am not Sith now. I don’t know what I am. I hope to learn how to use the Light Side while I am here, maybe, just maybe, I can do something worthwhile for a change.” Will nodded.

 

“I will think on this, Istara Andal.” Istara bowed her head again, but Will snorted and drew her to her feet. She stared at him. “No on bows to me. Clear?” She couldn’t help it, the humor in his tone was too much and she laughed. Then she sobered and nodded to him.

 

“If you have need of a monster, call and I will answer.” Istara promised. Will met her eyes.

 

“We are both monsters, Istara Andal. I hope you can find a better way. And I hope you find your sister.” Istara started to bow and caught herself. Will grinned and went back to his bed. Anya led Istara out of the room. As soon as they were outside, Anya drew Istara into a hug. Istara blinked.

 

“What was that for?” Istara asked, confused. Anya smiled and started off, leaving Istara to follow, bemused.

[kalenath]

<Some time later>

 

The days were blurring. And Istara didn’t really mind. She felt... Well, not comfortable, not that. But content. She had always loved to learn. And while she wasn’t the best of students, she wasn’t the worst by a long stretch. She wasn’t sure exactly how she had wound up in the group of learners, but one day she had woken up and a schedule had been posted for her. And the group was nice. There were a number of personalities that rubbed her the wrong way of course, but she knew her own limits. And she wanted to learn. She knew that if she didn’t she would never be able to help her sister.

 

Setsuna. The thought of her sister out there alone kept her up at night. She could still feel a little bit of something from the mark she had given Setsuna so long ago. Was it really less than a year? It felt like centuries. But the feelings were fleeting, and hard to pin down. Setsuna was hiding, that much was clear. Istara shook her head and focused as the instructor had directed, but the feelings refused to clear up. She prayed she would learn enough to be able to find her sister. And maybe... bring her here? She did think Setsuna would like it here. No one judged by appearance. And if the Jedi didn’t judge Istara, who had done far worse in her life, well, then Setsuna would have no problems at all. But she couldn’t help her sister. Not at the moment, And it hurt. A lot.

 

Istara sighed as she resumed her meditation stance. She tried to let the feelings of helplessness flow by her as the instructors taught, but the more she tried, the more they seemed to hold tight and not want to let go. The rage, she thought she had a handle on... maybe. It was also hard to let go of. But that was the point. She had spent her entire life fighting as a Sith, so it was bound to be hard. For just a moment, her mouth twitched a bit. She never had liked easy tasks. She relaxed into her meditation, but immediately was roused by a familiar feeling. Anya was coming. Istara tensed. Anya was unhappy. She opened her eyes just as the door chimed.

 

“Enter.” She called and Anya did. Istara was on her feet in an instant. The Jedi was almost in tears. “Anya, what is wrong?” The Jedi took a moment to calm herself before speaking.

 

“One of the media apparently managed to get your picture while they were here.” Istara tensed, but then relaxed. It was bound to get out sooner or later. But Anya’s next words had her tensing again. “Someone hired a bounty hunter to come after you.” Istara sighed.

 

“They are welcome to try.” The older woman laughed sourly, but Anya didn’t smile. Istara blinked. “What has happened?” She asked seriously.

 

“He got inside the Enclave. Into the Padawan quarters...” Istara’s face was a study of horror now. Kids... “He has hostages, Istara... He knocked them out with gas and has them wired with explosives.” Istara felt her guts turn to ice. But then she sighed sadly.

 

“Give me to him.” Istara said flatly. Anya stared at her.

 

“Istara, we are not going to give you up." Anya said as she shook her head. "The masters are going to try and talk him...” The Jedi broke off as Istara shook her head.

 

“Any competent bounty hunter planning to come here will have contingency plans." Istara said with a growl. "Anya, if we delay too long, he will kill a hostage, that is what he will do. Time is not on his side here. Nor is it on ours. Where?” Anya stared at her friend and shook her head.

 

“Istara, he is going to kill you.” Istara smiled, but there was little humor in it.

 

“He is going to try.”

 

<Padawan quarters, twenty minutes later>

 

Istara walked into the common room of the housing for Padawans and stopped. A laugh came from the armoured figure in the corner, but Istara ignored him. She focused on the young boy who lay near the door. He was stiff as a board, the beeping device on his chest showed why. She gave him a smile that he returned. The hunter spoke.

 

“Sharlina of the Bladeborn, I thought you would be taller.” Istara ignored him and spoke to the boy.

 

“Are you all right?” He nodded slowly. She looked around the room and her heart froze as she saw Ina strapped to another bomb. But the Cerean’s girl’s expression was serene. She looked to make sure all the other padawans were ok. Then and only then did Istara’s gaze finally settle on the bounty hunter, who tensed, but then laughed.

 

“I halfway expected you to run.” He said coldly. Istara sniffed. The sound was loud in the quiet room.

 

“From you? Is that a joke?” Her voice was just as cold and emotionless. More than one of the Padawans turned scared eyes towards her, but she kept her focus on the bounty hunter. The hunter snorted.

 

“Careful. One of these brats might fall down and go boom.” One of the Padawans made a small sound. Istara shook her head, but her eyes never left the hunter’s helmet visor.

 

“Who hired you?” She asked. The hunter laughed.

 

“Why should I tell you that?” He snorted. “You are just another mark.” Istara nodded.

 

“Kill or catch?” The hunter snorted and his blaster came up. Istara smiled, and the hunter froze. “Go ahead. Shoot.” Her voice was quiet. The hunter fired and Istara’s bare hand deflected the bolt effortlessly. It hit the ceiling and left a crater, but did not other damage. Istara smiled and it was as if all warmth fled the room ahead of her smile. “If I were still Sharlina of the Bladeborn, you would be dead right now. Surrender your hostages and the Jedi will let you leave in peace.” The hunter shook his head.

 

“I have been paid.” He said slowly. Istara sighed.

 

“A man of principles. Rare.” Istara felt nothing but regret now. She knew how this was going to end. Maybe she could… The hunter nodded. “Let them go, and I will remain. Unarmed.” Now the hunter shook his head.

 

“They are my only way out of here.” He said quietly. Now Istara shook her head.

 

“If you won’t release them, then I will.” She didn’t move, or make a gesture, but suddenly every single detonator on every single explosive charge attached to a young Jedi learner fizzled and died. “Padawans. Go.” The Padawans wasted no time, leaving the room in an orderly fashion, all but one. Ina stood near the door.

 

“Miss Istara...” Istara shook her head, but her eyes never left the hunter. Something flew from Ina and Istara reached out and caught the training lightsaber that Ina threw to her. The hunter nodded.

 

“I underestimated you.” He didn’t move, and his weapon didn’t either. Istara nodded.

 

“It happens to all of us.” Istara said without hope. ”I have no wish to fight you. Surrender and you can leave. My word on it.” The hunter shook his head.

 

“I’ve been paid.” He said slowly. Istara sighed, and then the room filled with fire.

 

<Outside, a few minutes later>

 

The Jedi were ready to go in. The sounds of battle had stopped. All of the assembled Jedi froze as the door opened again. A smoldering figure emerged. Istara was crying. Anya ran to her and Istara dropped something, a training lightsaber. Then she collapsed. Anya caught her and recoiled as she saw the telltale marks of burns over much of Istara’s body.

 

“Healer!”

[kalenath]

<Three days after the bounty hunter incident>

 

Istara sat on the bench that Yeri had shown her and tried not to sigh. She was trying. She really was. The healing burns itched, but at least they didn't hurt any more. Now if only her sorrow would go away as easily as the pain from her wounds did...

 

There was barely a click of wood on the pathway to announce Yeri's appearance. "Seeking to know peace again Istara?"

 

Istara smiled, her face marred slightly by a burn dressing. "It seems all I do is try to seek peace these days and it just keeps eluding me. Well met Master Yeri."

 

"Hmm, perhaps looking in the wrong place you are?" Yeri said as she hopped onto the bench. "For saving our younglings I thank you, and wonder about it I do."

 

Istara sighed. "I must be looking in the wrong place. I just..." She shook her head. "I had to help them. I had to..." Her voice held old pain now.

 

Yeri raised a brow at that. "Why?"

 

Istara made noise somewhere between a sigh and a groan. "It’s a long story..."

 

Yeri grinned. “All ears, am I.” She twitched her impudently.

 

Istara spoke slowly and carefully. “The Order of the Bladeborn take it upon themselves to protect children. Many Sith see children as beneath their notice, weak and silly, but that is very shortsighted. After all, where does the next generation come from?” Her question as obviously rhetorical. “But even then… I would have helped even if I hadn’t been trained to. You see… I was taken from my mother at age five, that is normal for Sith who are strong in the Force. The parent/child bond is a weakness to the Sith. One to be ruthlessly expunged. I was given as a student to a Sith named Amirg. He was not kind to us, his students.” She shivered in memory.

 

“He did things to us that even other Sith took offense with, and was eventually he was slain by one of his competitors for power. But what he did to me was worse.” Istara was shivering hard now as she relived memories she wanted to forget. “He programmed me, using the Force and Sith alchemy, to kill my mother. The one thing in my life I remembered fondly, he made me hate. And I very nearly did kill her. After what happened to me, no, I can't just pass by when younglings are in danger. I can't..."

 

Yeri sat quiet for a moment before putting a comforting hand on Istara's back. "Seen a mother defending her young in the wild have you?"

 

Istara blinked. "Yes, but… I... I am not a mother. I..." Yeri’s voice was quiet and kind as she patted Istara on the back where there were no burn dressings.

 

"Once, almost you were. Any parent to outlive their child, sad is. Stuck however that protective nature has, believe I. Jump to defend do you, every child you see in danger. Right that moment your own is every child in your mind. To defend them they need a mother."

 

Istara tensed, but then relaxed and tears were falling now. "Yeri, that hunter had no chance against me. I tried. I tried to take him alive. But... I couldn't... I hoped, I prayed I wouldn't have to kill again... I feel... so evil..."

 

"Hard it is, wish you that not forced to kill were you. When easy killing becomes, lost one is truly to us. Even then though, pulled back by unlikely people sometimes they can be."

 

Istara breathed deeply calming herself. "That is just it. It was... I... I don't want to be what I was... I don't... But he hit me with the flames and I... I just... reacted." Yeri gave a long sigh.

 

"Reacted differently any of us would have?"

 

Istara blinked at that. "I would hope so." She shook her head. “Yes, you would. You are Jedi. Not murderers...”

 

"Take lives we do. Want not and try not. Do kill, we do. Kill at times we must, to defend."

 

"It’s different. I wanted him dead." Istara admitted after a moment. "I knew it was wrong, I fought to pass beyond it, but... I saw the fear on that boy's face and I wanted him dead, and then suddenly, he was..."

 

Yeri patted her back again then, "Istara, a hard thing to do, changing the road one walks is. To trip on occasion is expected, if not welcome. Something wonderful though it is, that the drive have you and want to change it you do."

 

Istara blinked. Then she smiled sadly. "Someone else told me almost the same thing once. I think you would have liked her. She lived to heal." Yeri smiled.

 

“Perhaps introduce us someday you will. Someone important to you, she is."

 

Istara sighed. "Yes, my sister. I hope to find her... someday." She sat back and her robe moved away from her arm. A bruise showed, a new one.

 

Yeri frowned a bit looking at the bruise. "One of the wounds the bounty hunter gave, that is not."

 

Istara froze. "Um... it's nothing..." She slid her robe back over her arm. "I tripped... Coming out of the refresher…"

 

Yeri said nothing but the look in the brown eyes spoke volumes. She simple sat and stared, obviously waiting for Istara to tell her what she wanted to know.

 

Istara slumped. "It's not their fault..." Her voice was low. Yeri still sat there, saying nothing and waiting. "Please don't blame them. I don't..."

 

After a few minutes of being stared at, Istara slumped in defeat. "A few of the older Padawans took offense to my being here. They... um... blame me for bringing the hunter and endangering the younger ones. And they are right."

 

Yeri gave a dismissive snort then. "The first to be here and have people after you, you are not. During the war, plenty of spies and assassins crawling into the enclave after us came. Younglings they would threaten and more subtle they were at other times. Pay the hunter to come after you, you did not."

 

Istara sighed. "No, I guess I am not unique. But how many killers of Jedi do you have in residence?" Her voice was sad now.

 

"Plenty, are Sith not Jedi? Their auras darker merely be."

 

Istara snorted, darkly amused. "Depends on who you talk to. Some Sith say all Jedi are Sith with lighter auras." Yeri smiled, no it was a grin.

 

"Someone without the force you ask and say they do, Jedi with different philosophies we all be. Amusing no?"

 

Istara had to smile. "Yes indeed. Sometimes.” She shook her head. “Ah, what am I going to do? I don't want to be a problem, but it seems they follow me everywhere I go. Whoever sent that hunter will not be content until I am buried, and maybe not even then." Yeri shook her head slowly.

 

"Do not borrow trouble, would say I. Gamble breaking into this enclave, few would. Their resumes impressive on perhaps, but hard to pull off would be. Vigilant we will be and one day at a time continue on."

 

Istara sighed. "That is all we can do is it not? I..." She obviously wanted to ask a question, but thought better of it. Yeri grinned.

 

"Ask, questions hurt not, but cause pain the truth can at times." Istara nodded and after a moment, spoke calmly.

 

"I expected to be summoned before the Council before now. I expected to be stripped of the Force, or locked up. I appreciate the peace. I enjoy learning, but... I need to help my sister."

 

"Help her as you are, can you?"

 

Istara sighed and then slumped. "No." Yeri waited but Istara didn’t speak again. The Jedi master stood up and hopped down from the bench.

 

“Some discipline to administer have I.” Istara nodded. “Rest you should. And changed those dressings should be.” Istara grinned and then bowed to the ancient Jedi. Master Yeri returned the bow gravely, then smiled and walked away, her cane making a tap, tap, tap as she walked. Istara stared after her.

 

I really hope her punishments are not as...inventive...as the Bladeborn grandmaster’s were…

[kalenath]

((For those who are trying to figure out where the flarg this part of the story goes, its set just after Of Lives and Loves))

 

<Several days later>

 

Istara was tense. She couldn’t say why. She just was. There hadn’t been any more incidents with Padawans and she was learning things that she had never even considered before in her classes, so why was she so worried. She felt at peace. Yet at the same time, she did not. She was really enjoying herself. A couple of the Jedi had asked her about sword techniques. So she was demonstrating a complicated parry with a wooden blade, she wouldn’t touch a lightsaber –even a training one-, when the summons came. The class stopped as a robed figure entered and beckoned to Istara. Without a word, Istara bowed to the teacher, laid her sword gently on the rack for such things and followed the newcomer. She didn’t speak and neither did her guide and she was glad for it. Because the guide was leading her to an area she had not been in. The Council chambers. As she walked, she kept her face serene and managed to calm her swiftly beating heart after a few minutes of walking. As she walked, she looked up and there was a hole in the ceiling. She blinked. When had that happened? She focused on her breathing, maintaining her equilibrium as they approached two large doors. Two Jedi stood on either side, lightsabers in hand, but not ignited. Her guide bowed to them and so did she. The guard on the right nodded and waved Istara forward. She did as instructed and waited while one of the doors opened. The guard waved her in and she entered. Behind her the door swung shut silently and she was alone.

 

Yet not alone. She stood in a circular room. In the middle stood a monolith with twelve chairs arrayed in a circle around it. She had hoped to see Master Yeri here, but the diminutive form was nowhere to be seen. Instead all twelve chairs were filled with beings she did not know. Humans, two Twileks, a Wookiee, two Bothans, a Mon Calamari, and others all scrutinized her as she stood, unsure of what to do. One of the Bothans waved to her.

 

“Come forward, Istara Andal.” She nodded and stepped forward, aware of the fact that when she entered the circle, she had beings, powerful beings, all around her. She acknowledged her fear and let it fall away, as she had been taught. It was harder than it should have been, here in this concentration of Jedi power. She came into the circle and bowed to the Bothan who had spoken, she would have bowed to each in turn, but the Bothan chuckled. “No need for such formality here.” Istara might have smiled, but another voice spoke up, this one harsh. A human female was watching her closely.

 

“Do you know why you are here, Bladeborn?” Istara tensed, but then she shook her head. “You are here to be judged.” Istara shook her head again and the Jedi snarled. “You deny us?” Istara felt the woman’s hostility and she spoke evenly.

 

“I do not deny you have the right to judge me." Istara said evenly. "And the power to do whatever you wish to me. But I am not Bladeborn anymore.” She held up her scarred arm and the woman scoffed.

 

“Anyone can scar themselves.” The woman snapped. Istara bristled for a moment, and then calmed herself. This was a test, it had to be. When she replied, it was calm.

 

“Indeed, anyone can scar themselves, but for a Bladeborn to cut off their brand is to deny to the galaxy as a whole that they are, or were Bladeborn. It is the ultimate severance package.” Her pun brought a smile to the faces of a couple of the Jedi. And frowns to others. She continued calmly. “And the ultimate dishonor. Which is why the few times it has happened in the history of the Bladeborn, the one who did it usually suicides very quickly afterward.” The woman spoke again, sharper.

 

“So you say. We have no other source of information about that." The Jedi Master said with a dismissive sniff. "So we should just take your word for that.” Istara shook her head.

 

“No.” Istara said flatly. The woman looked like she was going to speak again, but the Bothan cut her off.

 

“Farrah.” His quiet word had the human sitting back. Istara focused on the Bothan. His black fur showed gray streaks of age, but his eyes were alive. For just a moment, Istara was reminded of a certain Bothan healer, but she let the sorrow pass. It wouldn’t help her here. “What are we to do with you Istara Andal?”

 

"Me?" Istara blinked. She hadn’t expected that question. “I... I don’t know. I do not believe we are enemies, but you cannot trust what I say. Words are cheap.” All of the Jedi nodded. “And you have no way of knowing who I am, truly.” The woman, Farrah, spoke again, her tone biting.

 

“We know who you are, Bladeborn.” Farrah snapped. Istara met the woman’s eyes and blinked.

 

“Have we met?” Istara asked slowly. Farrah shook her head.

 

“I have encountered others of your so called ‘Order’." Farrah scoffed. "A bunch of liars and murderers.” Istara nodded and the Jedi blinked in confusion. “You agree?” Her voice was surprised and Istara smiled sadly.

 

“Murderers, yes. Bladeborn kill. It is what they do. Some revel in it, as I did once. Others take a more deliberate approach. And liars... yes....” Her words were slow and controlled. “A year ago, I would have taken offense at the notion, but... The reason I left the Bladeborn was because of a lie. Told to me by the Grandmaster. My entire life with them was built on a lie, so I had no choice but to leave.” More than one of the Jedi looked at her with compassion on their faces, but she kept her gaze on Farrah who seemed to be one short step removed from anger.

 

“So you say.” Farrah said dubiously. Istara inclined her head and waited. The Bothan spoke.

 

“What would you want?” Melan's voice was far kinder, but no less in control. Istara shook her head slowly.

 

“What I want is immaterial to this discussion I believe.” Istara said after a moment. But he persisted.

 

“It’s important.” Melan pressed. Istara sighed and nodded.

 

“I want to help my sister." Istara said slowly. "She is out there somewhere, alone and hunted. She bears a horrific burden, one I cannot even imagine. But I cannot help her if I become a puppet of Ravishaw.” At that name every Jedi stiffened. Another who hadn’t spoke, the Mon Calamari, spoke. Her voice was melodious and calming and Istara was grateful.

 

“What do you know of him?” The aquatic female asked. Istara shrugged. When she spoke her voice was calm and matter of fact, but underneath it lay rage and horror.

 

“Not enough. He bears the brand and sword of a Bladeborn, but he is not of the Order I was in. He likes to play with his food.” More than one Jedi blinked at Istara's scared tone. “And he lives on the suffering of others. He warps minds to make people serve him. And he wants me.” Now she felt fear. She started to control it, to harness it, and then she shook her head and let it fall away. The Bothan sighed.

 

“You present us with a quandary, Istara Andal. You are dangerous, as that bounty hunter discovered.” Istara nodded and the Bothan continued. “And if you truly with to lean out ways it would be a good thing, but...” Istara sighed.

 

“You can’t trust me." Istara sighed. She had not expected anything else. "What, then?” The Bothan nodded.

 

“You will be imprisoned. And removed from the proximity of our learners.” Istara felt a pang at that. She loved learning and she loved helping others learn, she always had, even if she wasn’t the best of teachers for most things. But the Bothan’s next words had her freezing. “You will be denied the Force as well.” Istara shook her head and fear oozed out of every pore.

 

“If you deny me the Force,..." IStara said, horrified. "...strip me of the Force, he will find me and take me and I will not be able to defend myself.” The Bothan raised a placating hand.

 

“Calm yourself Istara.” Melan said quietly. She looked at him and concentrated on her breathing. “We will not strip you of the Force. We will deny it to you. There are various means, drugs and mechanical devices. And we will protect you.” Istara backed up a step.

 

“You can’t." Istara said, terror oozing beyond her control. "Not from him.” Farrah stood up and her lightsaber ignited, a bright green arc of power.

 

“Would you rather die, woman?” Farrah asked sourly. The Bothan spoke sharply.

 

“Farrah!” But Istara was backing away now. She felt the Jedi behind her rise and she knew she was trapped, but she spoke again, her hands raised in warding gestures.

 

“You don’t understand, I have to help my sister. I have to...” She paused. Something... She blinked rapidly. She sniffed and tensed as she recognized the smell in the air around her. An airborne anesthetic. The Jedi had techniques to keep from breathing it, but she already had... “No...” Her vision was graying now and she fell, but someone caught her before she could hit the ground. “No...” She managed to croak out as another presence approached. A familiar one.

 

“Istara. Okay it will be. Sleep now you must.” Yeri’s kind voice came from a far distance as Istara fought to keep herself conscious. Tears were falling freely now as her inhibitions fell away. She shivered uncontrollably.

 

“No... Yeri... No...” But then she was asleep.

[kalenath]

<A day later>

 

Istara's first thought on waking was to wonder that she had. She had assumed they would clap her in stasis or something similar. The second was to pray there was something nearby she could be sick in.

 

A voice came from nearby. "Here, Istara." Gentle hands held her while she did what she had to. A bin magically found its way where it needed to go just in time. Anya's hands were gentle as they cleaned the muck off her face afterward. "They didn't know you were allergic to that sedative."

 

Istara looked around. She was in her regular quarters. Her voice was a bit hoarse, but after what she had just done, that was understandable. "Should you be in here? I thought I was to be locked up."

 

Anya smiled. "Like Yeri would stand for that?" The Jedi asked with a grin. Istara blinked.

 

"I thought it was her idea to drug me so I wouldn't get hurt or hurt anyone else..." Anya shook her head slowly.

 

“Yeri didn’t know what they were doing. She was... unhappy.” Istara winced a bit at that. She had never seen the ancient Jedi unhappy, but she had seen the grandmaster of the Bladeborn that way. At least she didn’t think Yeri would throw people into walls. “They dosed you because they were worried when Farrah drew on you.” Istara shook her head and regretted it.

 

“I wasn’t going to fight her.” Istara said slowly. Anya nodded. It wouldn’t have been much of a fight. Farrah was powerful with the Force, but Istara was a much better combatant. And Istara had faced lightsabers without them.

 

“I know that, but they didn’t.” Anya sighed. “I’m sorry. I should have been there.” Istara looked up at her friend and smiled.

 

“What could you have done?" Istara asked as her stomach gave one more rumble and then settled.. "They are Masters...” Anya snorted.

 

“You still think like a Sith, Istara." Anya said with a snort. "We are not Sith. If they are making a mistake, people should be able to say, ‘Hey, you are making a mistake.’ And they didn’t handle you well.” Istara blinked at that. That was so much like... She shook her head, and regretting it. She breathed deeply for a moment, trying to get the nausea to abate, and finally it did. When she opened her eyes again, Anya was looking at her worriedly.

 

“I’m okay, Anya.” Istara said soberly. The Jedi shook her head.

 

“No you are not." The Jedi's tone held outrage now. "You had a very bad reaction to that sedative. So bad that for a little while we worried we would lose you. Master Farrah has a lot to answer for right now. She was the one who suggested drugging you if you tried to escape, and she is the one who provoked the situation. Master Satele is annoyed, she just got back.” Istara pursed her lips and spoke carefully.

 

“What did I do to Farrah?” Istara asked. Anya shook her head.

 

“You did nothing to her." The Jedi said sadly. "She lost her Padawan and a group of her friends to a Sith strike force on her last mission. The being leading the force apparently was a Bladeborn. The woman beat her unconscious and left her for dead. Her padawan and the others were not so lucky.” Istara blinked, digesting that information.

 

“And now, she hates. That is not good.” Anya looked at her and Istara flushed and spoke again. “I know about hate, Anya. I know about rage. And... I know about Sith who use those against people. I... I used to do the same thing.” Anya stared at her.

 

“What are you saying Istara?” Anya asked carefully. Istara sighed.

 

“I don’t think she escaped, I think whoever it was let her go." Istara said with a sigh. "With the purpose of doing exactly this kind of thing. Fomenting discord. It’s what Sith do. Even Bladeborn. Matter of fact... maybe...” Istara started to get up and Anya held her down gently.

 

“Easy, Istara. That is not your problem right now." Anya said with feeling. "Your problem right now is that your body has had one hell of a shock. You will need food and then rest.” Istara sighed, but didn’t fight the gentle hands that laid her back on the bed and laid a blanket over her. Truth be told, she probably couldn’t have. She was weak as a newborn nerf.

 

“I take it you are my keeper?” Istara asked. Anya nodded slowly and Istara sighed. “I could do far worse. I will miss the learners though.” At that Anya smiled.

 

“Funny you should say that, all the students have been asking about you." Istara stared at Anya. The Jedi was smiling. "Seems you have a bit of a following.” Istara looked dumbfounded and Anya smiled again. “Yeri was most persuasive. You can stay in classes, under strict supervision of course.” Istara stiffened.

 

“But...” Istar began, but Anya was having none of it.

 

“What kind of hosts would we be if we didn’t at least allow you the chance to show you are serious about changing? Not all of us are closed-minded fools.” Istara frowned. That seemed awfully lenient and short sighted of them. But she wasn’t going to argue, not now. Anya smiled again and both looked up as the door opened and a girl came in carrying a tray. Anya grinned. “Istara, meet Raven, she is here to learn as well.”

 

IStara looked at the young woman in front of her and blinked. The Dark Side resided in her. For her part, Raven stared at Istara. Neither spoke for a long minute. Then both spoke in unison.

 

“This is going to be... interesting...”

[kalenath]

<That night>

 

Istara stiffened in her nonexistent bones as she materialized on the gray plain again. But this was odd. Instead of featureless expanse as it had always been, now there were cracks in it, and other colors showed through. Blue and greens, vibrant colors, lively colors. Happy colors. But then she sighed. Standing in front of her...

 

“Go away.” Her words were calm, but Idjit of the Bladeborn just stood. “Why won’t you leave me alone?” He sighed.

 

“I can’t." Idjit replied. "You are in trouble and I want to help.” Istara sighed again, deeper.

 

“If the Jedi catch you here,..." Istara said soberly. "I am betting even you will have problems.” Idjit nodded.

 

“I have to say this Istara." Idjit said slowly, carefully. "I hurt you. And I have no right to ask for your forgiveness. But you hurt me as well. I was trying to get you and her away. I had plans, but then you hurt yourself, and she escaped and it all went to hell.” Istara blinked. He wasn’t calm now. No, he was sad. “It’s my fault you had to do what you did, and I... well, I agree with what you did. If I thought they would let me go, I would do the exact same thing.” At that, Istara stiffened, horrified. He was talking about cutting of his own brand!

 

“No...” Istara breathed. Idjit continued, as if oblivious to her word.

 

“I was so busy doing my duty that I forgot to worry about my honor." Idjit said sadly. "I should have told him to shove his orders. But I was so happy to see you again. This is my fault. And I will make it right if I can.” Istara shook her head.

 

“My life was a lie." istara said sadly. "My entire existence was a lie. That was not your fault.” Idjit shook his head.

 

“My dishonesty drove you away." Idjit replied, his voice going hard. "That is my fault. I... I still love you Istara, I probably always will. My fire...” Istara’s eyes filled. He had always called her that. She stammered.

 

“But... You can’t I... I... Everything about me was a lie... I am... I lied to everyone. I didn’t mean to, but I did. I hated my mother, and it wasn’t me.” Idjit looked at her and she shook her head. “Amirg programmed me to hate her, to kill her.” Idjit’s face held horror. She had been quite verbose in her hate of her mother when she was younger, and of course, everyone had assumed she had reason.

 

“Oh no...” Istara was crying now, and she started as something warm enveloped her. She didn’t need to look to know his arms were around her. His voice was gentle when he spoke. “You didn’t lie. You told the truth as you knew it. He lied, to you, and to us. No wonder Mama was so mad...” His voice was hushed now and hands stroked her hair as she cried.

 

“Dirty, nasty liar..." Istara sobbed in his embrace. "I... I wish I had never been born...” Idjit held her as she sobbed her heartache out.

 

“I don’t Istara." Idjit said gently. "The name suits you. This will be the last time for some time that I can talk to you this way. There is a lot going on right now. But I will be watching, my fire...” She cried again. His arms released her and she sobbed as her form started to dissipate.

 

“Don’t go, my ice, please...” An old joke between the two of them. She was fire, and he was ice. Opposites that attracted.

 

“I love you Istara, and I will make this right.” But then she was gone and he was alone. But only for a moment. He stiffened as a tap, tap, tap was heard. His form dissolved into a cloud shape. Then a small form leaning on a cane appeared on the plain and he stiffened even further. The small form in Jedi robes raised a brow and spoke.

 

"Been chatting with strangers again, Ashla has...” She sighed. “Made Istara wake up crying you did."

 

"Do I know you Jedi?" The tone from the cloud was cold, indifferent.

 

 

"Likely not, but share a common interest in the same person, we do." the little master said with a kind smile as she leaned on her staff.

 

"Do we now?" The voice from the cloud could have been discussing the weather on Coruscant for all the emotion it showed. "I wasn't aware we shared anything. Oh, right, Jedi don't take."

 

Yeri raised a brow, "Interested in Istara Andal, why then?"

 

"Am I? Maybe I am just looking around." The cloud seemed amused now by the small Jedi.

 

Yeri looked amused now. "The only one who sees things, you are not Idjit...or is it Leonel? Before you try anything, think you should. A lot longer then you, been doing this I have."

 

A soft laugh came from the cloud. "That name no longer means anything. That ignorant boy died a long time ago. You... would be Yeri then..." His voice was distant now.

 

"Idjit it is then. That whole renaming part of things, never understood that have I. Who someone is, dictated by their past it is. "

 

"If one wants to remember their past. Many do not. Many find healing in forgetting what they have endured. Putting it behind them."

 

"Not erase one's past, to forget does. Scratch into the rock something and then on go, the scratch remain will." Idjit snarled, but his heart obviously wasn’t in it.

 

"And pound on the rock often enough and it shatters. Your point?" The tone was almost polite. Almost.

 

"Scratches and scars remain. If the rock back together you put, the scratches remain. An interest in Istara, you have. Romantically inclined, believe I. Unlike the others."

 

Idjit sighed. "We could debate like this all year, and never get to the point. What do you want, Jedi?"

 

"Defend her against whatever lunatic, I will. To know who this man who means much to her, I wish."

 

"Means too much to her..." Idjit's voice was quiet. "Better she stays where she is. Too much is happening, too quickly. Too many changes. Too much darkness coming."

 

"Because of her sister believe you." Yeri stated.

 

"Actually, no." Idjit's voice was quiet. "And you know it. You know what is coming the same as I do. “

 

Yeri shook her head sadly. "Coming? Already here it is, Idjit. Rips through people some strange disease does. Coruscant, Tython, and your Korriban even if correct my sources are. Black eyes on a wave of death."

 

Idjit sighed. "My people have quarantined themselves already. I was supposed to join them, but... I can't."

 

Yeri raised a brow again, "Ignore your master's orders you do, sure I am. Why?"

 

Idjit snorted. "Because while my master may be old and wise he is also an idiot at times. I... I can't leave. not yet."

 

"Because help her you wish?"

 

"I wish I could. but... She won't let me. And I can't say I blame her. So... I just hang around, hoping to be of help."

 

"Why let you she does not?"

 

"Ask her, Jedi." Then he was gone.

[kalenath]

Istara was still sobbing quietly, Anya sitting beside her on the bed as the Jedi tried to calm the older woman. As usual the clack of wood on metal heralded Yeri's arrival as she leaned on her staff. Anya cast a desperate glance at the Jedi Master as she tried to console Istara, without success. Yeri walked over slowly. Weariness seeming to weigh her down as she hopped up onto the bed with Istara. She made soothing noises as she shooed Anya away with a hand and hugged the older human to her with the other. Anya nodded and left the room quickly. Istara didn't seem to notice the change. Yeri simply kept making the soothing sounds and petting Istara's hair, letting the human get out the tears before trying to ask her anything.

 

"Talk about it, wish you Istara?"

 

Istara looked up and tensed as she saw Yeri sitting beside her. "I... I shouldn't be such a wuss..."

 

Yeri looked amused at the statement. "Be strong all the time no one can be. Wish otherwise, perhaps, but true it is. Someone once knew I who thought always to be strong he had to be. The best he had to be. Take whatever came his way, he would. To think if fix things he did not or do what needed to be done he did not, no one else would." Istara nodded, her hair falling free in wet sheets as she sobbed. Yeri smoothed the hair back. "Worry you that never to see him again, you are?"

 

 

Istara shook her head. "No... I'm scared he will get hurt or worse trying to help me. He doesn't... he can't... I..."

 

"Shh, why let him help you, you do not?"

 

For a moment, Istara calmed. "He is already in enough trouble. All I ever do is get him in trouble..." She started sobbing again.

 

Yeri smiled a bit as if amused. "Others worse at times may be, my dear. Student I had once, Delighted in finding all kinds of trouble did he. All for love suspect I, rather like you and your Idjit."

 

Istara shook her head slowly. "You don't understand...We..." She bowed her head and spoke in an almost normal tone. "We were in love. One thing about the Force is it’s easy to tell when one's emotions are strong. I... I didn't know... I went out to fight one day and... it hurt. Here..." She touched her abdomen.” It didn't go away, so I went to the healer. She said... She..." Istara slumped.

 

"Lost your child, she told you" Yeri said with sympathy. "Blame yourselves for it, you both do." Istara couldn't speak. She just nodded. Yeri simply kept petting the woman's hair. "Think you, forgive each other you should?"

 

Istara shook her head. "Not... not his fault. Mine... I fought, I didn't realize... I was just sick. Weakness... it was just weakness... to be ignored or conquered. I just thought I had a stomach bug... I had no idea. That was my fault. Everything, its all my fault..."

 

"Nonsense," Yeri chided. "Lose their children to miscarriages for no reason at all it seems, others have. Simply happens, it does."

 

"I cause nothing but trouble... I... I nearly killed him when he tried to reason with me. I wanted to... I wanted to die... I... They sent me away... I think... They expected me to die..."

 

"Through all that even, still love you he does."

 

Istara shook her head. "I want to believe that. I do.. but..." She broke off.

 

"But?"

 

Istara met Yeri's eyes and rage was visible deep inside. "I brought my sister to them. She needed help, she had been hurt. I was so happy, I hadn't been back in... almost twenty years. They hadn't changed much, I thought anyway... They locked her up. She hadn't done anything, the Empire wanted her and so the people I trusted locked her up. And you know the worst part? He... He distracted me, so I wouldn't find out. He... He used my affection for him to distract me. He was ordered to..." Her voice hardened. "He obeyed his orders. My sister escaped. And I followed her. I have to help her, but I... I can't trust him. whatever he says, it might be true, but he might still be under orders..."

 

Yeri looked curious then. "If followed that order, he had not? What happened would have?"

 

Istara met Yeri's eyes. "I would have carved my way to Setsuna and then carved my way out of the base. Anyone who got in my way, I would have killed. I can see the logic, but... He betrayed me.... the Grandmaster lied to me... I really am an idiot sometimes..."

 

"If your master's wishes he had not followed, slaughtered you would have many of those you regarded as family," Yeri stated calmly. "Sat very well with you, that would not have."

 

Istara shook her head. "I know. But... Duty, honor... where are they now? My duty is running out there somewhere, hunted, alone... My honor... My life is a lie. All my life I trained to be a better warrior. To be free of the chains that held me to hate of my mother. They told me it was my own rage. That I could control it, use it. And it was imposed on me. They knew, and didn't tell me!" This last was a sobbing shout. "They... didn't... trust... me..."

 

"If they had, heard them would you have? A difficult thing to break, hate is Istara. Better could they have done? Likely. Mortal as the rest of us, they are however. Done things never have you that regret you do? That hate of you in others resulted?"

 

"They could have told me." She was almost wailing now. "I nearly killed my own mother because no one told me..."

 

Yeri petted her hair again, making soothing sounds again. "Better not to, they must have thought. Wisdom maybe, or foolishness perhaps. Holding onto what has passed can only pain and anger cause, a vicious cycle."

 

"I want to let it go, but... I can't... All I can see is Setsuna's face when she found out... I... She cursed me. She... I wanted to help her, and all I did was hurt myself..." She rubbed the large scar on her forearm.

 

"Knew her all the facts?"

 

Istara shook her head. "I doubt it, she... She didn't take kindly to being locked up. I can't say I blame her. I doubt she heard anything I said. I... I should have done something. I should have tried to help her... But I was busy..." The word ‘busy’ came out with heat, and Istara focused on her breathing, trying to get past her anger.

 

"Played, the pair of you were. Anger and frustration on both sides this caused. Taking it out on you your by your sister resulted in. And on your Idjit, you taking it out."

 

Istara's voice was quiet and sad now. "I never thought he would do it to me... I trusted him. Idjit trusted him... We all trusted him... I should have known better."

 

Yeri looked very sad then. "Deeper then the betrayal of a loved one nothing else cuts. After such a grievous wound, see clearly, none do."

 

Istara nodded silent. "We were all played for suckers. Curse him... He destroyed me... That was my life Yeri, all I knew. And he threw it away like yesterday’s refuse..." She obviously wasn't talking about Idjit now.

 

"Rebuild it on your own terms, the chance you have now. To program or direct you in a way that best suits them, no one can now.."

 

Istara blinked at Yeri her eyes wide. "What...?"

 

Yeri raised a brow as if she had stated the obvious. "A chance to rebuild yourself have you, Istara. To go one direction or another, no one can order you. When destroyed homes are, rebuild them we do. When broken we are, then heal we must. When lost we are, wander we do until a path we find that calls to us. Sometimes, carve our own roads we even can."

 

Istara shook her head, as if unable to follow the argument. "Yeri... I..." Yeri simply sat and waited for what she told Istara to process. Istara laughed, a bit wetly. When she spoke, she was laughing and crying in equal measure. "You do that just like he did... It's not that simple Yeri. I am not a Jedi. I don't know if I can be a Jedi. But I want to try."

 

"Afraid am I that do or do not it is. No try there is."

 

Istara nodded slowly and when she met Yeri's gaze, there was determination in her eyes. "Then I will do it." Her voice was quiet, but rang though the small room and she extended her arms to the small Jedi master. "Thank you." Yeri simply smiled and gave the human a hug.

[kalenath]

((Well, some things just changed. For the better? For the worse? Only time will tell. Comments and or suggestions always appreciated. Flames might run into a woman who is trying to be a Jedi. And that would get... bloody...))

 

((A huge thank you to Setie for allowing me to um... borrow one of her characters as well as with help for the dialogue with Master Yeri. I couldn't have run this thread without her.))

Edited July 1, 2012 by kalenath