Xericor Posted June 6, 2012 Share Posted June 6, 2012 First part of my pet project! DONE SOLEY FOR HUMOUR! Hope y'all find it entertaining. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.... Star Wars SWTOR Episode IV A NEW HOPE It is a period of civil war. Rebel players, striking from a hidden forum, have won their first victory against the evil Galactic EAmpire. During the E3 press conference, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans to the EAmpires ultimate weapon, the DEATH STAR, an armoured super server with enough power to destroy an entire low populated server. Pursued by the EAmpires sinister agents, Princess Leia races home aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save her people and restore freedom to the mmo galaxy.... Space, a couple of distant planets, and the surface of another. A small forum-post class starship, attempts to avoid being locked by a much larger, powerful Star Destroyer, crewed by Forum Moderators. The two ships exchange shots. The forum ship takes a hit. The action switches to inside the forum-post ship, to a corridor down which 3 droids are walking. Frantic Rebel players rush down similar corridors. C3PO: Do you hear that? They've shut down the main forum, our threads will be destroyed for sure! This is madness! R2D2: <beeps This isnt Sparta!> More frantic Rebel players rush by, and take up defensive positions in a corrider facing a door. C3PO: We're doomed. There will be no escape for the Princess this time. R2D2: <beeps> C3PO: (In response to a large clanking sound) Whats that? Rebel players in the forums, look around. Outside of the ship, we see the Moderator vessel on top of the forum-post ship. Back to the inside of the ship. Rebel players level their weapons on the door, which lights up, then gets blown down. Bioware Moderator Storm Troopers emerge and a fire-fight ensues. Several Players comments are removed, threads locked, and worse some Players receive forum bans. Bioware Employees also take casualties in the fighting. The surviving players make a fighting withdrawl, pursued by the Moderators. C3PO and R2D2 cross a corridor thick with laser fire, but as any player knows there is no collision in SWTOR so they make safely to the other side. Back to the main door. Darth Vader enters assess the damage, then marches off down the corridor. R2D2 <beeps as someone shoves a card in his face> C3PO: R2D2 where are you? C3PO looks around, before finally spotting R2D2 stood in clear view down a corridor.. a mysterious woman continues to jab R2D2 in the face. C3PO: At last! Where have you been? They're heading in this direction. What are we going to do? We'll be sent to Warhammer Online, or smashed into who knows what! R2D2 has had enough of C3PO's garbage and heads off C3PO: Wait a minute, where are you going? Imperial Moderator Storm Troopers, escort surrendered Rebel players down a corridor. Darth Vader holds a captured Rebel officer by the throat. Random Storm Trooper Moderator: The Death Star plans are not in the main computer. Darth Vader: Where are those transmissions you intercepted. What have you done with those plans? Unfortunate Rebel Player: We intercepted no transmissions. This is a consular ship. We have been playing Diablo 3. Darth Vader: If this is a consular ship, where is the Ambassador? Vader issues a permannt ban on the Players Account Darth Vader: Commander, tare this forum apart until you have found those plans, and bring me the players I want them alive! Three Storm Trooper Moderators lurk on the General Disscussion Forum, looking for rogue posts related to E3. Princess Leia is hiding. Storm Trooper: Theres one. Set for lock. Princess Leia shoots one Moderator, before being taken down by the remaining troopers. Storm Trooper: She'll be alright. Inform Lord Vader we have a prisoner. Meanwhile R2D2 and C3PO continue their escape from the official SWTOR forums. C3PO: Hey, your nor permitted in there. Its restricted. You'll be deactivated for sure. R2D2: <beeps informing C3PO that there are other websites> C3PO: Dont you call me a mindless philospoher you over weight blob of grease. Now come out before somebody sees you. R2D2: <beeps Secret Mission Dude! Plans n that> C3PO: Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking about. Im not getting in there. A laser blast forces C3P0 to take cover in the escape pod. C3PO: Im going to regret this. R2D2 and C3PO unsub. And are picked up by EAmpire Bioware Accounts management. EAmpire Bioware Accounts Management Dude #1: There goes another one. EAmpire Bioware Accounts Management Dude #2: Hold your fire. There's no life forms. It must be a 30 day free account expiring. From the capsule, in space C3PO comments. C3PO: Thats funny. The damage doesnt look so bad from out here. Are you sure this thing is safe? R2D2: <beeps SWTOR is still the 2nd largest western mmo after WoW> C3PO: Oh. Meanwhile back on the forum, Moderators escort Princess Leia to Darth Vader. Priness Leia: Darth Vader. Only you could be so bold. http://Www.mmorpg.com will not sit still for this. When they hear you've attacked a diplomatic forum... Darth Vader: Dont act so surprised your highness. You weren't on any mercy mission this time. Several transmissions from E3 where beemed to this ship by Rebel spies. I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you. Princess Leia: I dont know what you're talking about. The entire E3 press conference was streamed live on the web. I'm a member of the Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan. Darth Vader: You are part of the Rebel Alliance and a traitor. Take her away! Imperial Moderator Storm Troopers lead Princess Leia away Bioware Officer: Holding her is dangerous. Word of this gets out to other websites it could generate sympathy for the Rebellion in the Senate. Darth Vader: I have traced the Rebel Spies to her. Now she is my only link to finding their secret forum. Bioware Officer: She'll die before she'll tell you anything. Darth Vader: Leave that to me. Send a distress signal then inform the Senate that all posts have been locked or deleted. Bioware Officer #2: Lord Vader, the super server plans are not aboard this forum, and no cross-posts were made. A number of subscriptions were cancelled during the fighting. No active memberships were lost. Darth Vader: She must have hidden the plans in the escape pod. Send a detachment down to retreive them. See to it personally Commander. There will be no-one to stop us this time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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