The Force Shall Set Me Free, an Inquisitor's Story

[Imperii_lux]

This is something I've wanted to do ever since I first decided I was going to get SWTOR: a first person story following the characters I create. This one (I'm undecided if I'll be writing others) follows Jaltelil, my Sith Inquisitor.

 

A note: I am going into this essentially blind, both in terms of where the "canon" Inquisitor storyline goes and where I want to take this specific story. Hopefully that doesn't cause weirdness down the road...

 

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Prologue

The Lightning

 

I sometimes have memories of before. There are the faces of my parents. I remember Mother best. She sang to me to sleep most nights, and even when I can't remember the words, the tune still managed to soothe me on the nights when the tears would not end. Sometimes, if I close my eyes, I can see her face smiling at me, as clear as if she were in the room in that moment. Most times it is faint and indistinct, so much so that I can't even be sure that it is even her anymore.

 

Sometimes I wish it wasn't. Then she would not have to see what has become of her child.

 

Father is harder to recall. I don't remember the details of his face, or what his voice sounds like. I remember he was large, though perhaps that was only the perception of a child. Business would often take him away, but when he returned, one hand would be holding a gift for me, his little girl, while the other would pat my head while he told me how big I was getting.

 

I cannot remember what gifts he would bring. That I do not feel sad over that frightens me.

 

The are others, but they never stay long enough in the clouded halls of my memory to let me know for certain who they are. An older human girl, a friend, or a servant? A droid with a damaged voice modulator, a nurse perhaps? The younger boy, I am almost certain he was my brother, but almost certain is still uncertain, perhaps even worse.

 

These are my ghosts, spectres of another life, the life that may have been for a young Twi'lek named Jaltelil had the men not come in the night to put her in chains.

 

I do not consider myself unlucky. For a time I was somewhere dark and cold, where food was a privilege, not a right, where the only games were from the guards who would see how long it would take to see me cry.

 

And then I was given to Master.

 

In Master's abode, I knew luxury unlike anything in the dark, perhaps even before it. I dressed in finest clothes, and had warmth, food, and entertainment without limit. And all that was asked of me was to take my Lessons.

 

Some of the lessons I enjoyed. There were Languages, which I grasped with quickness and allowed me to find new worlds in the Master's library. And there was Etiquette, where I was shown what it would take to be a lady.

 

And then there were Master's personal lessons.

 

I did not enjoy these lessons.

 

I could not hate my Master though. He had taken me from the dark place and into what seemed like a palace. If I had to endure a lesson I did not like, that was a small price to pay.

 

Master made me see that the first day I refused, when he taught me science about what heated metal did to flesh. He told me how dear I was to him, how any other slave might have been sent back to the dark place, and I saw the truth in his words. Anything was better than the dark place.

 

As the pain seared through me, that was when I first felt the Lightning run beneath my skin.

 

More lessons followed. Sometimes I could remain silent throughout, other times I cried despite myself, despite my Master's kindness. Sometimes the lesson would leave a mark, but most times, when I was good, Master would keep the brand away.

 

And all the while the Lightning grew stronger.

 

It was during my last lesson that it happened. I did not understand why, I still do not. I had been wrong, Master was only trying to show me that. I do not know why anger had risen up when it never had before, nor why the Lightning no longer was content with coursing just beneath the surface. All I know is in that lesson, I was not the one that cried out.

 

For a time I did not understand. I remained in Master's chambers, beside him as he grew cool, and slowly the full realization of what I'd done dawned on me. I understood that my Master was dead, and that I would soon be returning to the dark place.

 

I ran. I ran and stumbled and tore my dress, the beautiful dress that Master gave me, he would be displeased, he would let me know as much in our next lesson, and yet still I ran.

 

I don't know how long it was before they found me. The first who tried to take me helped me learn how to call upon the Lightning again, and the second helped me refine my knowledge. The third, a man belonging to the Empire, was more cunning, and captured me. He took me away, but not to the dark place. He took me before a man who told me of many things. Of the Sith. Of the Dark Side. And of the Code. He told me that I wore chains, not like the ones I had in the dark place, but chains unseen by the eye. And he told me that if I became strong enough, I could break them.

 

And so now I sit in a shuttle surrounded by people I do not know, to a planet called Korriban which I only knew through books. I go to either become Sith, or die.

 

Either way, I go with the final words that the man, the Sith told me:

 

The Force shall set me free.

Edited April 4, 2012 by Imperii_lux

[Imperii_lux]

Chapter 1

Family

 

It has been some weeks since I first arrived on Korriban, and already it is both better and worse than it ever was under Master. Even with all his love for me, Master never kept it hidden that I was a slave, and that was all I ever was going to be. Here, should I prove myself worthy, I may rise above this. I may cast aside the chains that bind me and take on the mantle of a Sith, perhaps even styling myself Lord someday.

 

This thought terrifies me. How am I to be a Lord, I who have been chained by fate and sinned in killing the Master who loved me? I am not worthy of such honors.

 

No, those are the words of a slave, not a Sith. The Force shall set me free.

 

In the time that I have been here, things have fallen into something of a routine. Rise with the sun, something I had never had a problem with when under Master. The only difficulty there is that the sun beats down so hot on Korriban, so much hotter and brighter than on Master's homeworld. Our morning meal is something Master would not have fed to his hounds, let alone his beloved Jaltelil, his flower.

 

No, I must stop thinking this way. The Force will set me free.

 

Once our excuse of a meal is finished, training begins. It is here where I see my new family, those who have been given to replace the spectres that keep me awake in the night. Sometimes if I try, I can bring myself to forget the past for a few moments and replace it with what I see now.

 

In place of a mother, I have Overseer Ragate. An ancient woman with mechanical parts, she is more informative than any of the literature in Master's study. Her knowledge of the Sith and their ways stretches back for what may well be eons, and she is a patient, though one could never say kind, teacher. Knowing the past is the key to the future, that is what she has taught me if nothing else. And so under her tutelage I study the Dark Lords of the past. Naga Sadow. Tulak Hord. Marka Ragnos. Even Revan, regarded by some as a heratic and others as practically the Sith'ari. These were the tales and legends I was taught, replacing the silly fantasies that a mother would usually read to her child at night.

 

I do not desire that. I desire power. Through power my chains are broken. The Force shall set me free.

 

In place of a father, I have Lord Samus. While Overseer Ragate faces to the past, Lord Samus looks to my future. What he sees I do not know, he will not say. All that I know is that he teaches me the art and science that is manipulating the Lightning the dwells within me.

 

The Dark Side of the Force. The Lightning is a fantasy created by a slave. A Sith should look to reality, fantasy will only hold her back. The Force will set me free.

 

Through Lord Samus my skill has improved greatly. When we first began, he taught me the basics of saber combat, and while I learned I never excelled. It was only when his teaches began to touch on the use of the Force in combat that I began to show something which caught his eye. Through his teachings, I have begun to master the Lightning. Now it comes when I call it, and only when at my limit does it strike unbidden. The first time I felt it pour out of me at my command, my heart lept with joy and something darker.

 

With a mother for stories and a father for lessons, all that remained to find were brothers and sisters. And I have found those as well.

 

Kory was a slave, like me, though to hear her tell it she never had it as well as I did with Master. She had to work hard, in mines or ruins, and was sometime beaten to within an inch of her life for no reason but her overlord's amusement. It was never so with Master; he only pained me when I gave him reason to, and when I followed his word things were good. There were even times when he made me feel...

 

No. I must be more vigilant if I am to change these thoughts.

 

Kory progresses well as a Sith, though it is with a little satisfaction that I say not as well as me. Nevertheless, she shows promise, and someday I hope to see her as a Lord, just as I will be. More to my level of power is Aiden. An acolyte from better background than either myself or Kory, he has also made himself a part of this new family I am crafting. Though I sometimes think that it is less out of care for me and more out of how he feels for her. I have seen the way he watches Kory. When we watch others fumble and fail in training he never fails to smirk with derision, but whenever he sees Kory do so a look of fear crosses his face. It was to aid her that he first approached us, but since then we have all three of us become fast friends. There are times when we sneak off from our scheduled training to fight beasts in the Valley, k'lor slugs and tuk'ata. There are times when we can imagine that we are already Lords, laughing at the pathetic beasts that try to harm us.

 

And then there is Overseer Harkun. In the scheme of my family, he is the nurse or nanny, though I would never call him that to his face. That I can even look him in the eye is an accomplishment that I had to work at for a week. I do not know what it is about the man, but something about him makes me forget who I have become, creates the illusion that I am once again a slave in chains to him. There are times when if I see him in the corner of my eye, I see the Master that I murdered, and at times I must fight to keep myself from tears. When his voice raises mine grows silent, for I know that if I spoke it would be in a mousy whipser, not the commanding voice of a Sith-to-be. I fear that he is my punishment, that this man who may someday decide my fate is the price I must pay for the great sin that I have committed, and one thing reinforces that belief: the truth that Harkun knows. The truth that he tells me every day.

 

I am still a slave. For all the knowledge I gain from Ragate, for all the might I learn from Samus, for all the power I derive in training with Aiden or Kory, I am still the scared, chained girl who lost herself in the dark place. He knows it, and though I may lie to myself and say that the Force will set me free, in the deepest places of my heart I fear that he is right, that I will never be more than what I always have been.

 

Last night I was haunted by one of my spectres. It was the boy this time, the brother I may never have had in the first place. Under his gaze I could not sleep, and so I began to record these thoughts. In the morning, Harkun will send us, Kory, Aiden, and myself, to the tombs to see Spindrall, a hermit who will determine our worth. I would pray, if there was anything I knew of to pray to, so instead I will hope, in the Lightning if nothing else, that somehow I can keep him from seeing what Harkun already knows.

Edited April 8, 2012 by Imperii_lux

[Imperii_lux]

I suppose that I should have started with this: this story will be fairly mature in nature. While very little will be outright stated, I'm expecting that it won't be hard to read between the lines to see what is going on. So fair warning.

 

Chapter 2

Slave

 

An fantasy, that is all my family was. An illusion that I had crafted now in the vain attempt to regain something I never had to begin with. I was just a little girl crafting a house of cards, and now that it has come tumbling down I cannot help but cry.

 

The day had begun with such promise. I rose in the morning with something approaching confidence. I had managed to convince myself of my power, my freedom, my family. My lies. Kory was already awake and waiting at the Academy's entrance when I arrived, and Aiden appeared shortly thereafter, rubbing sleep from his eyes. On any other day we would have joked with one another, but that day was a serious one: we were being sent to Spindrall, the hermit who lived in the tombs. If he deemed us worthy, we would be taken in as potential apprentices to Lord Zash. As slaves, Kory and I had little knowledge of her, but Aiden spoke of how well regarded she was considered here on Korriban. This excited Kory, and she exclaimed about how she hoped we all made it.

 

"You do realize what that would mean, right?" Aiden's question went unanswered, but unspoken understanding became clear to all of us. Unlike our Overseers, Lords would only take one apprentice. The selection process was said to be terrible, pitting candidates against one another, and failure was often fatal. If Spindrall approved all of us, then it would not be long before we would be thrust into conflict with one another. It took some time before Kory recovered from this sobering realization and responded.

 

"Then we have to promise that at least one of us will make it."

 

Aiden huffed, and I knew that no matter how hard Kory would try she could never get him to agree to that. Not only was he stubborn, he was a realist; he knew, as I was beginning to suspect, that it was not unlikely that none of us would pass this test. Kory turned to me, and looking at her eager face I couldn't help but cave in. I made the promise and she smiled again. How such innocent enthusiasm survived her slavery and time on Koribaan I will never know.

 

The rest of our approach to the tombs was spent in relative silence, broken only by the sounds of battle when we had to fend off the beasts from the tombs. Although nothing was said, the tension could still be felt. Kory at both of us nervously, Aiden mumbled to himself, and I figetted as I felt the Lightning building up. Whatever would happen, I knew that this day would change things. If I only knew how much.

 

When we finally reached Spindrall we weren't sure if we were meant to approach him one at a time or all at once. We stood at the entrance to his chamber nervously, and eventually he rose from his meditation and made the decision for us, calling us all forward. Starting with Aiden, he looked deeply into each of our eyes, saying that he would observe our worth. When he came to me, I found I couldn't meet his gaze, and so he had to actually grab me by my chin and force me to face him. Please, I remember thinking, please let him not see it. The fear, the slave that was hidden beneath all my lies. I called to the Lightning for strength, and perhaps it had worked, because after a moment he left me without comment and moved on to Kory.

 

After he was finished, he looked over the three of us and commanded that we battle his disciples, failed acolytes seeking to regain their chance of being Sith. Stepping down into the ground that would serve as our arena, we readied our training sabers and were immediately set upon by our opponents. My own saber was largely for show; I had long ago chosen to rely more on the Lightning than my own martial skills. Aiden, on the other hand, seemed a whirlwind of destruction with his own saber, and any foe that opposed him soon fell to his blade. Kory, who of the three of us persued the middle path with both the blade and the Force, had more difficulty, still battling her first opponent as Aiden and I moved on to our second. When I noticed another acolyte approach from behind her, I acted without thought. My so-called family was in danger, and I shot out a bolt to protect her, felling the would be assassin in one strike. Kory flashed me a smile of thanks and landed the finishing blow on her opponent.

 

When it was over bodies littered the ground, and Aiden was wearing a triumphant smile. He had defeated the greatest number of enemies, while Kory and myself were about even. By rights I should have defeated as many as Aiden, but much of my energy had been spent ensuring Kory's safety. Spindrall looked over us and our handiwork with an appraising eye, though I thought that I saw something like disgust in his eye as well. After a moment of silence, he dismissed us, saying that Harkin would have his decision when we returned.

 

We walked back to the Academy in high spirits. We had survived, and at the time that seemed to be as good an indicator as any for our success.

 

Harkin, unlike Spindrall, called us into his presence one by one. He first called Kory, and as she turned to me before she went, I could see the fear creeping into her eyes. I offered what I hoped was a reassuring smile, even though I think I was even more terrified than her. Once she was gone I looked at Aiden. He smiled confidently, certain that he had succeeded, but I could see how close he was standing to the door of Harkin's office. I could tell by his body language that he was worried and trying to listen to what was going on behind it.

 

After what seemed like an eternity Kory returned and called me into Harkin's office. I asked her what had happened but she simply smiled at me.

 

"Just remember our promise, okay Jal?"

 

I walked into Harkin's office and was surprised when Kory let the door close without leaving. I was even more surprised when Harkin did not dismiss her and immediately addressed me. I can still remember his exact words.

 

"Spindrall is an old blind fool. Do you know what he told me, slave? He said that you had power in the Force that he had not seen in a student in decades. He must have confused you with Aiden, if he could still see at all."

 

"He has recommended you as one of Lord Zash's potential apprentices, with only one prerequisite. His approval means nothing to me; I know you for the filth you are. But Lord Zash puts stock in what the so called Prophet says, so against my better judgement I must allow it."

 

I fought hard not to smile, and failed. I looked to Kory, who returned the smile with a bit of sadness in her eyes. In the moment I thought she was disappointed with her failure.

 

"There is only one thing that must be done before you can begin you trials, slave. You can still take orders, can't you? Then stay still."

 

I nodded, not sure of what would happen. The Overseer rose from behind his desk and called Kory forward again. She stood beside me, trembling. It only took a moment to understand why.

 

Harkin struck quickly, calling forth Lightning the likes of which I could never hope to achieve. It wracked Kory's body, and I began to move to stop Harkin, when she pushed me away. Falling to her knees, she looked me dead in the eye. Through the pain I could see a strength I had never known in Kory before.

 

"Spindrall reports that you wasted precious energy protecting this one when you could have taken more foes. A Sith does not worry himself with the weak. Those who cannot survive, die. You will never become Sith, slave, but perhaps you may learn that before you meet your own end."

 

Kory attempted to rise, and Harkin's assault redoubled. She let loose a scream and I could only watch in horror, except that horror was quickly being displaced by something else, the buzzing of Lightning just beneath the skin, just like the night Master died by my hand.

 

"This one should have died long ago. Did you think that strengthening her would make up for your weakness, slave? Did you believe that your kindness would do any good at all? If so, you are a bigger fool than Spindrall. There is no place for any kindness here on Korriban."

 

His assault finally ended, and despite his words I let myself hope that he would have mercy. Those hopes were dashed when he walked forward and kicked Kory in the face, sending her sprawling to the ground. Then he turned and said two words that made my blood run cold and the Lightning run faster.

 

"Finish it."

 

I stared at him dumbly for a moment.

 

"That is Spindrall's requirement. If you even want to fool yourself into thinking you can become Sith, you must sever such weakening ties as this. Kill her."

 

I approached Kory in trance. I was horrified, and yet at the same time I had never felt the Lightning this strong before. It yearned to escape, and for a brief moment I didn't care where it went.

 

I stood over her prone form, watching her take ragged breaths, and paused. I struggled against the Lightning. I couldn't do this, not to her, not to my sister Kory.

 

Except she had never been my sister. I had never had a family, not here on Korriban. Even the one that lived in my memory was nowhere to be found, perhaps another illusion I had constructed in my weakness.

 

Kory turned her head, not able to lift herself up any longer. Her eyes met mine again. All the strength that I had seen a moment before was gone, and now it was replaced by something I could not place. I might have called it happiness for the smile she attempted to give. Shaking, she mouthed one word, too wearing to even raise her voice to a whisper.

 

Promise.

 

I opened my mouth to say something to her, I don't think even then I knew what. Harkin spoke first.

 

"Now, slave!"

 

A burst of Lightning shot from him to me, and the pain caused me to drop to my knees over Kory. Once the pain vanished, however, I felt the Lightning remain. It coursed within me long after it ceased to flow from Harkin's fingertips. I felt it, a sublime burning within me. It left me feeling... I'm not sure how to describe it. Pure? Clean? Empty? Whatever it was, for a moment I did not feel like a slave.

 

I looked to Kory. I reached out a hand, and cupped her cheek in my palm, like a mother comforting her child. But I was no mother, and Kory was not my family. Nonetheless, I felt that she deserved something from me.

 

When the Lightning coursed out of me, it was with enough power that I don't think she felt a thing.

 

As an acrid smoke filled the room, I rose and met Harkin's hateful gaze, dispassionate.

 

"I had hoped you would disobey and give me a reason to kill you," he said, "but I suppose that time will come soon enough. Begone, slave. You begin your next trials tomorrow."

 

I left, passing Aiden. I do not know when he entered the room, whether it had been at the sound of the Lightning or Kory's scream. I didn't know if he had seen what Harkin had done or only my final mercy. I left before the emptiness the Lightning afforded me vanished.

 

It did not last long. The emptiness filled, with sorrow, horror, and hate. Hate towards myself, for what I had done and allowed to happen. The tears came, and I did not try to stop them. I ran, though where to I had no idea. A little girl in tears runs to her mother, but I had none. Ragate and Samus were not my parents, I saw that now. There was no place for family on Korriban.

 

Eventually I came to the force cages, the little prison in the Academy used for failure apprentices and runaway slaves. I felt at home. I found a corner and curled up, crying. I wanted to go back, back to Master and the time before everything was terrible.

 

"Are you alright?"

 

The voice came from the nearest occupied cage. A man who looked neither like a slave nor a failed Sith looked at me through the force field with concerned eyes.

 

"Are you a slave here? Have you run away?"

 

Of course he did not take me for a Sith. The clothes I wore were rags, I wasn't even an acolyte worthy of robes yet, and in any case, Sith do not run to a corner to cry.

 

"Yes," I told him, and allowed him to decide which question I was answering.

 

He talked to me for a time, until the tears subsided. Said soothing words, tried to comfort me. It did little to help, but eventually I was able to dry my eyes without tears instantly being replaced. I thanked the prisoner whose name I never asked and left.

 

That night Master came to me, as I had hoped he would. He wore Aiden's face, but I knew it to be my Master. He had come to punish me, and I did not resist. The pain of his blows was so great that I thought I might break, and I revelled in the feeling. This, this was right. I deserved this, for all the sins I had committed, for all the sins I was yet to commit.

 

Eventually the punishment ended and Master took me in his arms. I closed my eyes and let what happened next happen. I felt safe now, complete as I had never felt when I was away from Master. If he felt that another lesson was what I needed, then so be it.

 

I do not know how long it was, but when I opened my eyes again, Master was gone, replaced by the true Aiden. He turned to leave, but I had caught a glimpse of his face and seen the hate, and perhaps even sorrow. He told me that this was the last we would speak, that he would not make the same mistakes that I had and allow me or anyone else to weaken him. I watched the tear roll down his face and knew who he meant.

 

I was alone. It would not last, I knew. Tomorrow night my spectres would return, now that the family I thought I had was gone. I would welcome them. But tonight I was alone. I drifted to sleep, knowing that tomorrow would bring with it new pain and horror, and I knew that I would have to meet it.

 

I had a promise to keep, after all.

Edited April 15, 2012 by Imperii_lux

[Imperii_lux]

Chapter 3

Freedom

 

Kory visited me last night. She has joined the ranks of my spectres, appearing more and more often in the night. Fitting, as she is the closest thing to family that I've known in a long time. Though some nights I find it hard to sleep with her eyes on me, often I find comfort in her presence. She looks at me with the same eyes she had as she died, that happy, pained look that tells me she doesn't blame me for what I did.

 

I almost wish she did. If she blamed me, then I wouldn't have to blame myself. Then I wouldn't feel the need to take my punishment into my own hands.

 

My trials continue, each more daunting than the last. Not long ago I was sent to recieve a holocron from deep within one of the tombs. It was interred deep within a stone monolith, apparently untouched for centuries. I begin to think that Nurse is intentionally sending me on missions he believes I cannot accomplish.

 

Harkun. Overseer Harkun.

 

I went to the tomb fully expecting to fail. Perhaps some small part of me even hoped I would fail. Perhaps then I would recieve the punishment that I deserved. That I craved. I knew that these were not the thoughts of a Sith, not even the thoughts of a slave, but something even lower. I grew angry with myself, at my weakness, at my foolishness. And as my anger grew, so too did the Lightning within me. It erupted forth and tore stone apart, revealing the holocron that had not seen the light of day in years.

 

The Lightning is becoming harder to contain every day. Father-

 

Lord Samus speaks highly of the strength I wield, but he does not understand. He looks at the Lightning as a weapon, like a lightsaber. Once I agreed with him, though at times I wondered if this saber I held would not burn be as well as my enemies. But in the days since Kory... since I...

 

The Lightning hungers. Its strength grows every day, its desires attempting to overshadow mine. It wants release, and I cannot contain it forever.

 

I felt it during another one of my trials. I was sent to gain information from a student at the Academy that was being... uncooperative. I have difficulty remembering what, exactly, I was trying to learn from him. Something about a murder, perhaps? They are common enough on Korriban. All I can remember is the look in his eyes as he lay there, bound to the table in the interrogation cell. It was a look of fear that reached within me. I wished to help him, I tried to tell him as much, but the Lightning had other desires. My words to him, intended to be words of comfort and understanding, exited my mouth as hisses and threats. As I spoke I saw visions dance before my eyes, visions of those eyes clouded with pain like Kory's had been, visions that came from and fed the Lightning within me.

 

I was never more thankful than when he finally broke from my threats, when he told me that which I needed to know. I knew that if I allowed myself to go where the Lightning wanted, if I wrested the information from him by force like I was expected, I would lose myself. All that would remain of that poor man would be a smoking charred husk, and the Lightning would consume me. I would not be able to stop it once I heard his screams, I would become some rabid, bloodcrazed creature that would have to be put down. I could not help but beg the interrogator overseeing me to take the man away, anywhere but here. I did not say it was for my own protection as much as his. When he finally agreed, I ran to the tombs as fast as I could. The screams of the mindless tuk'ata sated the Lightning for a time, and I kept myself for another day.

 

I spoke to the prisoner that night. I had been doing so for several nights, changing out of my robes and back into my old rags, sneaking to the cells and playing the part of a frightened slave. It is not hard, because in truth I am not pretending. I tell him stories, lies that mask the truth of the pain I experience daily, and he speaks words of comfort to me. Oddly, the wall that seperates us allows me to draw closer to him than I dare with anyone else at the Academy; I know that no matter how hard it rages, the Lightning will not reach him so long as he remains within his force cage.

 

It was on my second visit that I learned his name: Quorian Dorjis.

 

It was on my third visit that I learned he was a Jedi.

 

I have been told stories of the Jedi by the instructors here in the Academy, and learned of them from my studies in the library. All that I have been taught paints a picture of the Jedi as an order of destroyers, enemies of the Sith, dogmatic, stern, or hypocritical. Quorian does not fit any of these images. He is kind and sympathetic. I wonder if he was not so important a prisoner if he would survive on Korriban with such purity. I know Kory did not.

 

He speaks to me of peace. I tell him of the horror of Korriban. I teach him a song I knew from my childhood. He teaches me lines from the Jedi Code. He tells me that if he had his saber, he would make his escape. I tell him that I would miss him if he left.

 

He tells me that he would take me with him.

 

I wondered if he would make that offer if he knew the truth.

 

I did not realize how soon I would find the answer to that. It was during another excusion to the tombs, searching for texts and tablets that I discovered it: the lightsaber. A weapon that I at times never thought I would hold. Unable to stop myself, I let it hum to life in my hands. The blade was not the blood red of so many of the Sith, but a bright blue. I knew that this was a Jedi's lightsaber. Quorian's lightsaber. With this, he could make his escape. With this, he could leave this place of darkness and pain.

 

I kept it with me in my chambers for many nights. I hid it as best I could, but I was always worrying that someone would find it. Perhaps at times I hoped someone would, so that it would be taken and the choice that lay before me would remain undecided. I had not been to see Quorian for at least a week. I had it in my power to set him free. All it would take would be a moment when no one was looking. I would slip in, deactivate the force cage for a moment...

 

And then face my new friend without anything between us. Without anything to stop the Lightning.

 

I would toss and turn at night under the watchful eyes of my spectres. I begged, I implored them to help me, offer advice, give me answers, but they only stood and watched, just as they always had. I don't know how many nights I lay awake until morning, clutching the lightsaber to my chest as a child might hold a stuffed animal.

 

Eventually, my decision was made for me. Apparently I was not being as secretive as I had hoped, and some Lord had learned of my secret visits to Quorian and my ownership of his lightsaber. I awoke in the middle of the night, truly the first time I had fallen asleep properly in some time, to the hum of a lightsaber and the sight of red. With her blade mere inches from my face, the Lord congratulated me on manipulating the Jedi and gaining his trust. She said that what others might see as treachery, she saw as an opportunity.

 

They had been feeding Quorian lies as well, and making him believe them with drugs and sorcery. Perhaps that is why he so readily believed the lies I told him. They intended to release him, to feed false information to the Republic and the Jedi, to weaken them for when war broke out. She told me that the position I had created with him made me perfect to engineer his "escape". She told me refusal of this mission was unwise, that some might see it as proof of treachery.

 

I remember that night well. I crept to the cells like I had many nights before, dressed in my slave's rags and looking about for any signs of being followed. The Lord had told me that if I was caught, no one would come to my defense. I would be branded a traitor and executed. I wondered if that might not be the preferrable option.

 

When Quorian saw me, he seemed confused. They had been teaching him new lies for the Republic, I realized. His eyes focused on me after a while, and he smiled when he saw I held his lightsaber. He whispered that we must be quick if we wished to make out escape. I dropped the force shield and handed him his saber in silence.

 

The Lightning within me began to stir. Quorian must have assumed that my terror and my silence stemmed from fear of being caught. Yet another lie I would let him believe. I fell behind him and tried my best not to think about how easy it would be, how simple. He was unaware, he wouldn't even know what had happened before he-

 

No! Not Quorian. Not him too. The Lightning had consumed Kory, I would not let it take him as well.

 

We made our way to the shuttles under cover of darkness as I fought to keep the storm within me contained. The Academy seemed deserted, and for a moment I wondered if the Lord had not engineered a safe passage for us.

 

That suspiscion vanished when we ran right into an Apprentice.

 

I did not recognise him, and I am sure that he did not know me, but it mattered little. All he would need to do was raise his voice and the entire Academy would be upon us. I would be surrounded by those who wished to kill me, and finally I could release the chaos that strained to find freedom. Wave after wave of Acolytes, Apprentices, even Lords would fall, and more would come to take their place. And then when they finally overtook me, darkness, blessed darkness and death would welcome me, the final fitting punishment. We would-

 

The thought of Quorian broke me from my momentary fantasy. Whatever I deserved, Quorian had no part in it. I would not let him suffer for my sins. The Apprentice was to far for him to reach before an alarm was raised, so I did what I had to. I release the power that dwelt with me. All of it. The sound of thunder was so great that I still wonder how I didn't draw every gaze in the Academy. With all the power that was focused on him, the Apprentice did not even have time to scream. He was ash before he fell.

 

When the Lightning finally ended, I felt peace. It would return, it always returned, but turning the Lightning on another sentient being seemed to satisfy it in a way that no mindless beast ever could. It would be some time before I felt it attempt to overpower me again.

 

I remember the look on Quorian's eyes when I finally turned to face him. There was confusion, fear, and perhaps even sadness in his gaze. We stood for a time unspeaking, until I began to fear that someone would come to learn what had happened.

 

"Leave this place," I told him.

 

"You are-"

 

"Everything I told you, everything they told you, everything you have learned here on Korriban was a lie." It felt good to confess. I could feel tears on relief begin to well up in my eyes.

 

"Come with me," he said. I could not believe it. After what he had just seen, what he now knew, he still wished to save me. Now more than ever, to judge by the look in his eyes. I shook my head in refusal.

 

"I am a slave. A slave to my Master, a slave to the Sith, a slave to the Lightning. I will never know freedom." I do not know if he understood, or if my words convinced him that I was lost, or if he simply decided that staying to try and convince me would result in his recapture, but he left without another word. I ran back to my chambers, the sound of the rising shuttle reverberating in my ears.

 

The next morning there were whispers amongst the learners in the Academy. Whispers about the Jedi that fought his way past a hundred warriors to escape last night, or how the Jedi had simply vanished in his cell while his guards watched in awe. Each story was more extraordinary than the last, but not one of them spoke of a traitorous Acolyte facilitating his escape.

 

I returned to my trials as though nothing had happened, knowing that each one I completed was another chain that bound be, kept me from the freedom that I had won for Quorian.

 

Perhaps I shall fail one soon. There will be no punishment but death, but in the end I think that may be the only freedom I will ever find.

Edited April 27, 2012 by Imperii_lux

[bionamaster]

Excellent! Very well written, gripping story!

[Imperii_lux]

Sorry for letting this fall by the wayside. Hopefully this shorter update here means that I'm getting back into the habit of updating regularly.

 

Chapter 4

Confession

 

Sometimes I've wondered to myself whether or not the galaxy has some sort of greater will guiding it. Some bored entity that meddles in the lives of lesser beings for its own amusement. It would explain why I always seem to lose whatever I come to treasure. My family. My Master. My mind. Kory. Aiden. Quorian.

 

If there was some entity behind these loses, I think it might comfort me. I might then have someone to blame.

 

But there is no greater will, I know that. And I already have someone to blame. Every irrevocable change in my life have been my own doing.

 

Another change has taken place, and I cannot tell what to make of it.

 

It was during a night in which another of my spectres, an older Twil'lek woman with a stern glare, watched over me that I first met her. At first I did not know who had entered my chambers. I thought for a moment that it was perhaps Master. I sometimes forgot that he was gone, and when I did he would return to me, always wearing the face of Aiden. He would punish me, lift that burden from my shoulders, and then give me my lesson. Afterwards I would remember that Master was gone and he would be Aiden again, leaving with a look of disgust, at himself and at me.

 

I turned to face the newcomer to welcome the lesson and was surprised to see a young human woman with blonde hair. She wore the clothing of a Lord, but she did not seem as imposing as any that I had met. It was not just that she was little, though she was; if I stood I could look her in the eye, something I could do with no other person at the Academy. She had an aura about her that radiated... warmth. Comfort, even. It was strange, feeling such care. It was something I was unfamiliar with.

 

The strange Lord approached my bed and sat upon it. After a moment she smiled introduced herself. This was Lord Zash, whose apprentice I pretended to strive to be.

 

"You are the girl that Darth Arrez spoke of?"

 

It took a moment for me to remember the name of the Dark Lord who had first discovered me, years ago it seems, even though it could only have been a few months. I nodded dumbly. The spectre's gaze intensified.

 

"He spoke highly of you. Brute though he is, he recognizes potential. You sparked his interest, and you feats here on Korriban have sparked mine."

 

I nodded again, more out of reflex than response. My eyes drifted from Zash to the spectre, whose expression continued to darken. For perhaps the first time in my life, I began to feel afraid of one of the apparitions that haunted my nights. Zash continued to speak, telling me about my last test and personally wishing me well. I hardly registered her words, the phantom had consumed my attention. Eventually Zash stopped speaking, and turned to look at where I stared. She then turned back to me, and I was able to tear my eyes away from the phantom to see understanding in hers.

 

"Darth Arrez told me of your... problems. Do you wish to speak of it?"

 

Her eyes were filled with concern, something I had never seen in any gaze at the Academy. I could have said nothing, I could have lied and told her nothing was wrong, but something in her gaze reached deeply in me. Before I knew it, I had buried my face in her shoulder and let the tears flow.

 

I told her about everything. The dark place. Master. My spectres. Kory. Aiden. Even Quorian. Once I was done I expected the worst. I expected that she would dismiss me as weak, tell me that I was unsuitable to be her apprentice, let alone be allowed to remain alive on Korriban. Perhaps I even hoped for that.

 

The denouncement never came. Instead, she sat with me in silence, and wrapped her arms around me. Eventually, after my sobs had died away, she rose, looked at me with that warm gaze, and left as though nothing had happened. Before she stepped out the door, she turned, whispered quietly.

 

"Good luck tomorrow."

 

And then I was alone. I was confused by this, wondering what had happened to my spectre. It had disappeared, like a night terror of some little girl dissippated by her parents...

 

No. I cannot begin to think like that again.

 

Sleep would not come, so I lay awake in my bed and savored the solitude. I wondered what exactly the future would hold. I wonder what exactly I would encounter in the morning, the day of my final trial. I wonder if by the end of the day I would be apprentice to this strange Lord with warm eyes.

 

And I wondered why this idea filled me with equal parts comfort and terror.

Edited June 24, 2012 by Imperii_lux