furiousdavey Posted January 26, 2012 Share Posted January 26, 2012 (edited) Dear Darth Sinterklaas, My name is Lord Mavors Adamas, and I'm writing to thank you for all the wonderful presents you left for me this year. I hope you and your surviving apprentices had a wonderful Sithmas on your flagship the Polestar, and that you enjoyed the spice cookies and warm malk I left for you. I really really like the new Red Lightsaber of Retribution with the bronze compass in the hilt, as well as the Official Emperors Pajamas, Underoos and Bath Robes set. Jaesa says they make me look ludicrously imperious, whatever that means. However, I have to say that the workmanship on the new Radiospeeder with the flaming black skull decals you gave me is more than a little shoddy. Not the decals, they're freaking awesome, but the bloody speeder itself is nerfing slow. I'm talking slow as a pregnant nerf cow ready to drop type of slow. I don't know what's wrong with it, as I'm more of a people person, but you may want to consider some more discilpinary collar shocking or force choking on your slaves. I've found that an unpredictable regimen of pain and the fear of more pain that results does wonders for motivating my own minions. My former 'master' Darth Baras said I should just put up and shut up. He's such a big fat meany. I'm afraid we're no longer on speaking terms any longer, as after the traditional Sithmas Airing of Grievances I told the bloated bastard that he could go teach his hag of a sister to suck eggs. It's okay though. My new master is pretty awesome. In fact I have to say he is even more awesome and deadly that you. So you should probably listen up and consider the proposition I'm about to lay on you seriously, because if you don't I may have to ask him to flay your skin off with dark lightning the next time we talk. He's a pretty busy guy, and he said it you should be you to help me with this idea, which he thinks is pretty awesome too. After Sithmas I was on Voss doing some work for my master. I'm not sure if you remember Voss, but it's really quite pretty, and my master says I can rename it Vermillion after I finish conquering it in his name. Anyway while I was poking around the Nightmare Lands of the Dark Heart I came across a Corrupted Mawvorr Packleader. It's big and bad and red and black and freaking awesome! Just like me! We even have names that are almost the same! It was fate that I found him. I tried to tame the beast using force persuasion, but I've never quite gotten the hang of that (as my wife can attest), and the beautiful beast proceeded to kick our asses all the way back to the imperial outpost. Anyway I'm a little busy right now and I can't get back to Voss, so I want you to tame this beast to be my faithful mount and deliver him to me! I know what you're thinking, 'It'll bite your face off!'. Don't worry, I'm bad enough to handle it once you get the shock collar on it. And besides, my funny white puppy Barky seems a bit lonely of late and needs the company of his own kind again. And the cargo hold is more than big enough for the both of them. If you do this for me I promise to be a really bad Sith Lord for the rest of the year, and I'll put in a good word for you with my secret master . Thanks again, and I look forward to hearing from you soon. Sincerely, Lord Mavors Adamas P.S. Make sure it's a MALE Corrupted Mawvorr Packleader. I don't need Jaesa getting jealous and feeling the need to prove she's the biggest baddest ***** on the ship again. Edited January 26, 2012 by furiousdavey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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