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I feel sad for this father


dr_mike

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I'm sitting here at Panera Bread trying to get some email done and there's this father a few booths away with his 2 sons. The sons are, of course, just screwing around while the father is just trying to get whatever he can out of his sons and what's happening in their lives. He's mentioned a couple of times now about how they can;t get together that often and has referred to "Your mother" a couple of times now. I gather there's a divorce in there and this is the court ordered spend time with father time.

 

*shrug*

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Somettimes you even reap what fate had been sowing.

 

(But that goes back into some kind of pre-christian belief as shown in the Beowulf; there, Fate was regarded as something more important than in our times.)

 

For example, Murphy's Law is a really good friend of mine. My last date last weekend turned out to become a "rescue-an injured--pigeon" adventure started by this good woman ... towards the end I suddenly had a longish, rusty screw in my thick winter shoe, which has now a hole from it. I stepped right into it, it being vertically in my shoe, and I was lucky that I had been putting on my thick winter shoes earlier that day. The evening, however, was some nice talk in an café. :)

 

Things like that happen to me all of the time in RL like the train I wanted to travel with last summer having delay of 1 hour ; it's almost as if I'm some kind of "problem magnet", or some kind of catalysator. It just helps me maintaining a healthy kind of resilience all of the time.

 

Yesterday I've read a nice proverb : "No mud, no lotus."

Edited by AlrikFassbauer
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An unwise comment, since you don't know *anything* about the circumstances of the divorce. Maybe what he sowed was "marry a woman like that", and *he* divorced *her*. (It happens, and the courts usually give custody to the woman anyway.)

 

I was not talking about who has the reason or not, but two adults who decided to make a decision and now they must live with the result of it. The ones that suffer the most from this situation are always the children.

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I was not talking about who has the reason or not, but two adults who decided to make a decision and now they must live with the result of it. The ones that suffer the most from this situation are always the children.

 

Divorce isn't always about two people making the decision. Sometimes it's just one, making the choice for both of them.

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I was not talking about who has the reason or not, but two adults who decided to make a decision and now they must live with the result of it. The ones that suffer the most from this situation are always the children.

Then you needed more words in your original post, because you came off as condemning the father for his role in this situation.

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I was not talking about who has the reason or not, but two adults who decided to make a decision and now they must live with the result of it. The ones that suffer the most from this situation are always the children.

 

I am a child of divorce.

The children don't "suffer" at all! That BS is just what the touchy feely people use as a crutch. The people that suffer are the Wife and Husband as the "plan" they had falls apart after 20 years and they have to figure out what to do with a house, cars and of course the children that are being told they are the victims.

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I am a child of divorce.

The children don't "suffer" at all! That BS is just what the touchy feely people use as a crutch. The people that suffer are the Wife and Husband as the "plan" they had falls apart after 20 years and they have to figure out what to do with a house, cars and of course the children that are being told they are the victims.

 

I work for a webhosting company that caters to "soccer moms" which is one of the reasons why I posted this. Gotta admit I hear all the time it's the wife and the kids who are the "victims" but the father gets missed quite often as well.

 

And of course there are some fathers who could care less about their kids. Hear all the time about that as well. At least this guy is trying to make an effort.

Edited by dr_mike
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I work for a webhosting company that caters to "soccer moms" which is one of the reasons why I posted this. Gotta admit I hear all the time it's the wife and the kids who are the "victims" but the father gets missed quite often as well.

 

And of course there are some fathers who could care less about their kids. Hear all the time about that as well. At least this guy is trying to make an effort.

 

There's mothers like that as well. Always surprised me, having seen it first hand, why people always assume it's the father.

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I am a child of divorce.

The children don't "suffer" at all! That BS is just what the touchy feely people use as a crutch. The people that suffer are the Wife and Husband as the "plan" they had falls apart after 20 years and they have to figure out what to do with a house, cars and of course the children that are being told they are the victims.

 

Well, it was certainly hard for me at the age of 8 with asthma and with a heart problem.Trying to take on a role i was not prepared and without having any experience.Now i am 30 and our family is whole again, but my childhood is never going to come again.

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Now i am 30 and our family is whole again, but my childhood is never going to come again.

 

Well, you can do your bit. Like : Visiting places of your childhood from which you have good memories. Buying things that gave you good memories from childhood ( like ancient sweet brands, for example ).

 

Something around 10 years ago I decided to "get back to my self again", or, to use more crazy words, to "become the man again I wanted to be as a child". Of course, that never works this way ( for example I never had an adolescence puberty time, because I was just tii intellectual for that, no girl liked me for that, meanwhile I got bullied by some bad guys, trying to show everyone how weak and unmanly i was ... ) but you can do a few bits, still, like, visiting places from your childhood, and THEN saying to your self that you are another person now - and that you CAN put yourself into making better memories for tomorrow ...

 

I did that, and I went wandering around, to where my grandparents had been living, to where I was going to vacation as a kid and so on. It is just creating such a good feeling to see that some things are staying the same, no matter what. I even felt some kind of relief - in this chaotic world - when I *consciuously* realized, then, that the year's seasons are going to be there, no matter what (at least to some degree), plus the people's feasts - like Thanksgiving, for example. Be proud of what you have grown in your garden ! Or made with your own hands ! Or something else ... Remember, that the only thing people will remember of you is the love you gave them. Or the hate, in some extreme cases.

 

So, you could take these good memories - and go "into" them, "bath" in them - and then make the conscious decision to re-invent yourself - and take these good memories into you as your very own Legacy.

 

When my grandmother died, the house was emptied by the family. I feel proud to own some of her items, as some kind of Legacy, and I say to me : This is something I keep for my self because of the good memories I've had when I was together with my grandparents as a kid. This item will alwys remember me of their love. Forever on.

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