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who wants my stuff?


kurzis

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i've just unsubbed. if you're on the progenitor server and tell a joke funny enough to make me laugh you can have the combined wealth of all my characters. after investing well over £500 into this game i realize that its just a cash cow and its causing severe problems with my gambling addiction since the launch of cartel packs

 

lets the games for my wealth commence

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How is the commander of the imperial insect forces called?

 

Grand MOTH kilran :)

 

RED eclispe server, just wanted to chime without a reason :)

 

best one so far.. keep it up!!

 

btw not trolling, i've actually quit, im giving defiance a try

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The gleaming snowfields of Alderaan. A small party wander out of a forest- a Knight, a Consular, a Smuggler, and a Trooper. The Trooper has a Killik attached to him- his helmet got splashed with pheromones during a recent mission, and now the Killik is convinced that the helmet is its egg, and keeps cuddling the trooper's head.

 

Enter, stage right, wading through the blood of House Rist's deadliest assassins * , a Sith Inquisitor, a Sith Warrior, an Imperial Agent, and a Bounty Hunter. The two groups sight one another.

 

Bounty Hunter: Mumble-mumble-mumble-mumble-mesa Boba Fett, mumble mumble mumble mesa whole loadsa credits!

Imperial Agent: I don't care *what* kind of a bounty there is on them, Jar-Jar... I beg your pardon, yes, I *know* the Inscrutable Helmet of Doom disguises you perfectly, I don't care *what* kind of a bounty there is on them, 'Boba', we're *not* flagging as PVP, look at them, they outnumber us!

 

Jedi Knight: Zounds! Beshrew me, thou art a craven serpent, thou blue-faced red-eyed hellhound from ye pits of bespoke and knavish hell!"

Jedi Consular: Sighs... No... we've *talked* about this... yes, I *know* your character sheet says "Knight", that *really* doesn't mean you have to speak like...

Jedi Knight: Forsooth! Me thinks I do bespy me one yclept a true warrior of ye Sith!

Smuggler:What?! Are you *nuts*?! We're outnumbered!"

 

Sith Inquisitor:Bah! Innumerate and simple minded fool... what matter your petty money and honour when compared to the power of the Dark Side! For our numbers are even, but none can stand against the lethal lethality of my double ended lightsaber....

 

Draws Saber

 

Sith Inquisitor:Oooh.... nasty... never mind, it's all right, don't worry, I'm fine- I've got *plenty* of those... and anyway, I'm sure a kolto tank will... ooh, actually, I can do Voltaic Slash now, can't I... now... if I just spin my wrist like.....

 

SLASH!

 

Imperial Agent: sighs. Would you mind passing me his arm?

 

Jedi Consular: Sure - I knew I rolled Sage for a reason...

 

Trooper: Yee-haw, that's enough talkin', we got us some soldierin' to be doin', let's waste some Imps, for the Republic! Yeee-haaaa!

 

Assault Cannon Blast

 

Bounty Hunter:Mumble mumble mumble! Dies

 

Smuggler:Wait, don't start a fight, look at the odds!

 

Jedi Consular: Er... actually we sort of outnumber them now...

 

Smuggler: Two of them are still conscious! I don't like those odds!

 

Sith Warrior:STOP TALK! SPACEBAR-SPACEBAR-SPACEBAR-KILL-REPUBLIC-4-LOOT!

 

FORCE-CHARGE!

 

Jedi Knight:Zounds! Forsooth mine honour, you shall not PAAASSS!

 

FORCE-LEAP!

 

FORCE-MID-AID-COLLISION.

 

Sith Warrior:SPACEBAR-SPACEBAR-Dies

 

Jedi Knight:Zounds! Dies

 

Imperial Agent: sighs. Facepalms. ''%ing SITH!

 

Jedi Consular: Oh, for the love of.... sorry about that. That's the third Knight this *week*....

 

Trooper: Yee-haw, looks like the bad guys are losin'! Time to save the galaxy macho-style, for the Republic!

 

Smuggler: BACK-BLAST

 

Trooper: Dies

 

Jedi Consular: Er....

 

Smuggler: Points at the Agent. She's hotter than him Points at dead trooper Aw, come on Jedi, I ain't had a decent fade to black in almost five minutes!

 

Jedi Consular: You faded to black with 60 slave girls at once back on Nar Shaddaa! ... *and* your own Wookiee! That's 59 more fades to black than I get in my entire *storyline*, you FTB-crazed maniac!

 

Imperial Agent: Um... excuse me... could I possibly defect?

 

Jedi Consular: SHUT IT! Arrrgh, Consulars never have any luck, it's so unfaaaair.... I get less fades-to-black than C2-N2, my voice actor's some relation of Prince Valium, I never even get to *use* my saber and I paid a lot of cartel coins for this pink-purple crystal and now everyone says it looks like neon chewing gum, I'll *never* be as cool as Satele Shan, my signature attack is 'chuck gravel', and my best friend's a lizard! It makes me so ANGRY!!!!

 

The Imperial March starts to play in the background. To save the galaxy, the Imperial Agent quickly sticks a shiv in the orchestra's conductor.

 

Smuggler: Your best friend's a lizard? You think *you've* got problems? Have you *met* my first companion.... oh, by the Force, *no*, here he comes....

 

ROCKET-JUMP!

 

Corso Riggs:Yeee-haww! Guess ya' need me after all!

 

Jedi Consular: PROJECT **

Imperial Agent: EXPLOSIVE-PROBE

Smuggler: DIRTY-KICK

 

Corso Riggs:Wow... now I'm dumb, ugly, AN' dead.... Dies.

 

Smuggler: Remember, my very young Padawan- fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to Stupid. Stupid leads to Corso Riggs.

 

Jedi Consular: Oh shut up. Is it true I'd have had a demon companion, lightning, and an attractive blonde boss, if I'd rolled Sith...?

 

Imperial Agent: Er, yes, but....

 

Jedi Consular: The Dark Side calls me! Logs off to chargen

 

Smuggler: So.... ...

 

Imperial Agent: So.....

 

Pause.

 

Imperial Agent: Pssst, what do we do now?

 

Smuggler: Beats me, I usually just wait for everything to fade to black.

 

Kiss. Fade to black.

 

Sith Inquisitor: Do you two mind ?!?! I'm still *here* you know!

 

 

 

* - in other words, the ones who remember both their sniper rifle *and* their ammunition when going out on a manhunt, and more often than not *don't* trip over their garottes.

** - Project, using the Sith Warrior as the piece of random debris to throw.

Edited by RowanThursday
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