My wife is jealous of my characters relationships...

[Riyeko]

Women.

[BigBadEdward]

Now both of you have this problem that will never be solved because you have basically told her that it is ok and good to irrationally believe imaginary characters are threatening her relationship

 

First off, I appreciate the rational discussion we've been having. It's refreshing.

 

You're missing an essential point here, the imaginary characters aren't the problem, my interaction with them is the problem. I choose to do the flirting. Extrapolating this out in my wife's mind, that means I'm looking for something she isn't providing and I'm doing it without telling her. All kinds of trust issues and sneaking around stuff there. You can't see this because I don't have the skill to explain it but I understand it. To her, it's like I was watching ****. Once again, it doesn't matter that it's irrational because to her, it is. Is it a little mental, yes. Am I going to change it? Maybe. Should I continue this behavior in the mean time, well, that would just be stupid.

 

Right and wrong don't come into the conversation, they are totally irrelevant.

[firequill]

Yeah, and enjoy your honey-do's filled with things you hate and had no input towards.

 

Everyone can sling hyperbole.

 

did i hit a sore point ?

I feel for you man if that's what you think a loving cooperative relationship is about.

maybe that's the extent of your experiences?

Maybe you can find someone to Honey-do with (wth?!?) that's willing to cooperate with you to the same degree as you.

 

And actually, no it isn't hyperbole, being an abrasive ego-maniac Will land you on the curb, every single time.

 

but whatever man, if you'd rather have a partner like kaliyo djannis than vette in real life, then that's your business, no matter how doomed it is.

[Valsdad]

Yes, but you can ask any real therapist and they will tell you that jointly watching **** is very healthy to your relationship.

[Valsdad]

did i hit a sore point ?

I feel for you man if that's what you think a loving cooperative relationship is about.

maybe that's the extent of your experiences?

Maybe you can find someone to Honey-do with (wth?!?) that's willing to cooperate with you to the same degree as you.

 

And actually, no it isn't hyperbole, being an abrasive ego-maniac Will land you on the curb, every single time.

 

but whatever man, if you'd rather have a partner like kaliyo djannis than vette in real life, then that's your business, no matter how doomed it is.

 

I think perhaps you aren't as clever as you may believe. Being as how I own my home, though, I don't think any mistake I would make would "land me on the curb".

[PkhBasko]

We don't know your wife or you at all - but we do know that:

 

a) She chose to carry your spawn and is pregnant ATM

b) You have a problem with her not liking you flirting in a game

c) You chose to take a mature route of dealing with this by coming onto an internet forum, calling her crazy and irrational and exposing her to ridicule - all for the hope that some internet strangers would support your position and make you feel a little better.

 

 

Putting aside the fact that this probably did not help your relationship at all except give you the warm fuzzies that hey there are some cavefolk out there just like meeeeeee

 

I want to address the people who, with no further information about the guy's wife other than that she doesn't like him flirting in game;

and with no insight into what kind of husband or man he is other than that he disses his pregnant wife on an internet forum with strangers;

and with no insight into his relationship or how things are between them,

chose to insert gems of wisdom such as:

 

 

NO_Walking - I nominate you for the gods gift to woman kind prize.

you decided his wife was not a real woman "Teenage girls get jealous over this stuff...not real women.";

was able to guarantee that "A girl gets mad because of the romance plots in this game I guarantee you it isn't the guys problem"

Discuss your own mature approach to relationships with your own girlfriend "bang the living hell out of her every night" - aww your gf is such a lucky woman!

and insulted a married man because he chooses to compromise with his wife "Have to go cause your insecure master is calling eh?"

 

 

A close runner up for the gods gift prize I give to Riddickcz for some really supportive comments such as "this kind of jealousy applies only to mentally unstable and insecured ppl."; "shes just crazy" and "she has problems."

 

 

OP you also received some amazing advice from StormFX about what to do with the woman who chose to spend her life with you and is pregnant withyour child

"If the fact that you're with her isn't good enough, put her arse in the street."

OFC Stomrfx has no clue whether you're living and gaming and flirting on her dime while she makes the money but he chooses to imagine that she exists at your beneficence.

 

 

KittyPrawn you don't know this woman - but based on one post from some stranger you decide she's a psycho who not just affects her husband but also all womankind

"Women like that give the rest of us a bad name. Psychos."

 

 

Shaddaq you have no clue about whether the OP reassures his wife that she is loved or spends his time ignoring his pregant wife while ************ to his naked companion's image but added the wise words

"Having been assured that she is loved, it is her responsibility to prevent the dissolution or failure of the relationship by reigning in her own inappropriate responses."

 

 

While I am at it - the stereotyping award goes to Xabana for the post that both OP and NO_Walking absolutely loved presumably since it fits right in with their own mentality "Women can be quite irrational".

I ask you is there ANY other group of people that you could insult like this and get away with other than women? Say Black people or Mexicans? Imagine someone posting "Blacks can be quite irrational" or Mexicans can be quite irrational"? No ofc not - but when you insult women as a group - does it make you feel wise? I get it that you're gay and have no use for women now that you've been spawned but really?

 

 

Now all the cavefolk who won prizes in my post - bring on the you must have no sense of humor posts...

 

Not going to lie, I was afraid to see my name pop up here! Haha! In the same sense, kind of disappointed I didn't make the list, however, fearful of where I'd be placed.

 

None the less, this issue has been compared to cars, grocery stores, all sorts of ridiculous nonsense. How you can compare something so personal and sensitive, such as a relationship or feelings within the relationship to materialistic things is beyond me.

 

Also, saying that giving into her on this is wrong and will only cause more issues down the road is a goofy statement. What issue needs to arise where you can "give in" and give her what she wants? There is give and take to both sides within a relationship, married or not. I'm not saying that you should give in, I am merely saying that you should be open to her feelings, talk to her about it and then you may both decide, as a couple, what is best.

 

As said in previous posts, perhaps there is an underlying reason for such beahavior, but instead of sitting her down and asking her, you posted on a forum degrading her in front of strangers.

 

Congratulations on the child, by the way!

[Seajaydubya]

I skimmed the thread. Being female, het, and married to the same guy for over 27 years who has dealt with my gaming for 20 years or so, I see a major theme or two not bein' addresssed here.

 

The new morality that's been bubbling just under the surface and maybe addressed once or twice on Maury or Jerry Springer. If your partner, male or female, doesn't matter the gender, feels left out and ignored, you're showing too much emotional commitment to a game. It's not a female thing. I've dealt with the same thing from my husband. Jealousy from a perceived rival or threat. You're spending too much time with a "toy" and not enough time with your sig other. Your partner perceives that you have a Lot more fun TWOH (that's "Typing with One Hand" for you newbies ) than you do with him or her.

 

It's not insanity, it's not that your partner is crazy. He or she just sees you spending more time with a "toy" than with him or her.

 

I handle it this way. I make sure my hubby is asleep, 'cause he is sated, either physically or emotionally, Before I go play those emo RP things.

 

It's really kinda simple. Take care of RL first.

 

I know I sound preachy, can't help it. I'm the "Big Sister" in my family and sorta used to being preachy.

[BigBadEdward]

I handle it this way. I make sure my hubby is asleep, 'cause he is sated, either physically or emotionally, Before I go play those emo RP things.

 

It's really kinda simple. Take care of RL first.

 

RL first, that kind of my message too. I used to take this MMO thing way too seriously, now I don't. She comes first, always will.

[zamzamgyro]

You have a LOT to learn about women.

 

You're pretending to have sex with other women. Get a clue dumbhead, women expect you to be emotionally committed as well as physically committed and having even play/virtual sex breaks that commitment.

 

Apologize, tell her you understand her feelings and don't freaking do it again.

 

Are you kidding me?People are allowed to have crushes, even if they are just e crushes.

 

I would never apologize to someone for being irrational. I would listen, respect what they where saying, but at the end of the day you have to draw the line between rational compromises and irrational ones.

 

Like girl/guys that tell their boyfriend/girlfriends they can't talk or look at the other sex. Do you think that's rational? because I place girlfriends getting jealous over pixels on the same level. Now if the dude was just having a relationship with the characters online, and not having a relationship with their wife/significant other that would be another story.

Edited January 26, 2012 by zamzamgyro

[Valsdad]

I handle it this way. I make sure my hubby is asleep, 'cause he is sated, either physically or emotionally, Before I go play those emo RP things.

 

It's really kinda simple. Take care of RL first.

 

RL first, that kind of my message too. I used to take this MMO thing way too seriously, now I don't. She comes first, always will.

 

Actually, the real secret to a happy marriage is to make sure that YOU are happy first and foremost. And before any says "well what do you know, you're divorced?"; I know this because I always put the needs of my partner ahead of my own causing an imbalance of happiness from myself.

[firequill]

I think perhaps you aren't as clever as you may believe. Being as how I own my home, though, I don't think any mistake I would make would "land me on the curb".

 

Odd, i wasnt trying to be clever.

I was making a point, but you didn't get it, did you?

Hint: i wasn't talking about housing.

 

 

you sound like a real catch, yessiree.

[Valsdad]

You realize your wife is likely not reading this right?

 

I would consider myself very lucky if a woman bails because I'm choosing for my character to romance a Twi'lek in a game because of all the BS that I won't be dealing with later.

[Uruare]

No, I completely understand everything you guys have said. I even agree with most of it.

 

What you guys don't get is that everything is relative.

 

I see the in game virtual flirting thing as completely harmless.

 

My wife feels like it's a betrayal and gets upset about it.

 

Two COMPLETELY different reactions to the same situation. Which one is more valid? That's the question, are her feelings invalid simply because I say they are irrational? Even if you agree that they are irrational, that doesn't make them, in fact, invalid.

 

You can't turn every disagreement into WW III because, I wish more people understood this, no one wins in a war.

 

 

The one that you're both comfortable and content with.

 

Awful lot of pseudo-psychology on this thread. While I think at least some of it is well intended, here's my input to do with what you will.

 

Priorities. Look at the matter itself and also the matter in relation to the bigger picture; your homelife, your marriage, etcetera.

 

There doesn't need to be any giant absolutes attached to any side of the conflicting perspective.

 

Is your wife insecure, irrational and misplacing her investiture of concern? Pretending I can know that over the internet based on a few paragraphs of one perspective-holder's take on it would, to me, be outlandish and stupid. Best I could do would be join my voice to the psuedo-psychology department's ream of highly ignorable conjecture, assumption and hasty opinion.

 

Not gonna do that.

 

What I can do, however, is help you find your own perspective on the matter; to make your own evaluations, ask the right questions and figure out what factors in the matter you, and only you, can decide you want or even need to account for.

 

The absolute best way I can suggest to begin such a process is to do it with her. Talk to her about it; ask her, with the genuine interest of knowing and not veiled in defensiveness, what it is that's bothering her about it.

 

Take her seriously. If she can't or won't talk about it beyond insisting she doesn't like it and doesn't want you doing it, I might suggest letting it go for the time being.

 

Let it slide. Let her know you'll respect that and that if she'd ever like to talk about it, you're there for her. In the meantime, just...avoid that stuff in game.

 

Should you -have- to? Is it fair? Is it reasonable for you to have to sacrifice your enjoyment of a story in a game?

 

Those are questions you'll have to answer. It would be in your best interests to answer them after taking a step back from your own emotional sense of the matter and taking a more objective inventory of it.

 

Just don't lose sight of the importance of maintaining a graceful sort of respect for her, even if you don't agree with her and might not even understand what she's on about or why she cares so much about something that, to you, seems absurd and bizarre to care about at all.

 

Lose that respect and the grounds for communication go with it. Its vital, no matter what the rest may or may not tally up to being.

 

And in the end, whatever conclusion is arrived at should be a mutual one. One you arrive at together, with both of your feelings on the matter shared and your thoughts, preferably constructively, mutually considered.

[MarnKets]

Bioware, wrecking marriages since 20/12/2011.

 

 

INB4LAWSUITS!

 

 

What a joke of a topic srsly.

[Valsdad]

The one that you're both comfortable and content with.

 

Awful lot of pseudo-psychology on this thread. While I think at least some of it is well intended, here's my input to do with what you will.

 

Priorities. Look at the matter itself and also the matter in relation to the bigger picture; your homelife, your marriage, etcetera.

 

There doesn't need to be any giant absolutes attached to any side of the conflicting perspective.

 

Is your wife insecure, irrational and misplacing her investiture of concern? Pretending I can know that over the internet based on a few paragraphs of one perspective-holder's take on it would, to me, be outlandish and stupid. Best I could do would be join my voice to the psuedo-psychology department's ream of highly ignorable conjecture, assumption and hasty opinion.

 

Not gonna do that.

 

What I can do, however, is help you find your own perspective on the matter; to make your own evaluations, ask the right questions and figure out what factors in the matter you, and only you, can decide you want or even need to account for.

 

The absolute best way I can suggest to begin such a process is to do it with her. Talk to her about it; ask her, with the genuine interest of knowing and not veiled in defensiveness, what it is that's bothering her about it.

 

Take her seriously. If she can't or won't talk about it beyond insisting she doesn't like it and doesn't want you doing it, I might suggest letting it go for the time being.

 

Let it slide. Let her know you'll respect that and that if she'd ever like to talk about it, you're there for her. In the meantime, just...avoid that stuff in game.

 

Should you -have- to? Is it fair? Is it reasonable for you to have to sacrifice your enjoyment of a story in a game?

 

Those are questions you'll have to answer. It would be in your best interests to answer them after taking a step back from your own emotional sense of the matter and taking a more objective inventory of it.

 

Just don't lose sight of the importance of maintaining a graceful sort of respect for her, even if you don't agree with her and might not even understand what she's on about or why she cares so much about something that, to you, seems absurd and bizarre to care about at all.

 

Lose that respect and the grounds for communication go with it. Its vital, no matter what the rest may or may not tally up to being.

 

And in the end, whatever conclusion is arrived at should be a mutual one. One you arrive at together, with both of your feelings on the matter shared and your thoughts, preferably constructively, mutually considered.

 

The simplest answer is usually the best. Are imaginary characters going to break up my marriage? The simplest answer is no.

 

So to ask a partner to discontinue an activity the he /she enjoys enough to actually do of his/her own free will because someone has a fear of something that literally cannot happen is very selfish.

[Acindo]

This gave me a great laugh haha.

 

To think people are so insecure the be jealous of an NPC is a little sad.

 

Human controlled people I totally understand. But scripted AI? Lol..

 

GL to you OP. Sounds like ya need it.

[firequill]

 

I would consider myself very lucky if a woman bails because I'm choosing for my character to romance a Twi'lek in a game because of all the BS that I won't be dealing with later.

 

now this i can agree with.

 

balance in all things..

 

interwebz is hard to read folks through, didn't want to come off snarky or somesuch, i probably was a bit, apologies, you looked like the stereotypical

"i treat women like businesspartners"-type, at first.

 

one thing i'm genuinely interested in hearing: (apologies for derailing)

Would you rather find a woman who, like you, puts the other first to the same degree as you do?

 

or

would you rather "go cold", not give an inch and prefer a woman who acts the same way?

 

 

My step-grandpa once said something i found very wise and fitting to me personally:

"If i want to be happy, i try my hardest to make my wife happy, because i know she does the same exact thing for me."

 

Now if his wife had just shrugged instead of reciprocating, then that'd produce a situation like yours(your other post), where the "happy-levels" get unbalanced, and you just feel exploited.

I was in the same situation once, luckily i hadn't gone to the altar yet, or had kids, so it just hurt alot when it broke.

 

Balance in all things.

 

/peace

[lexiekaboom]

My girlfriend totally wants a 3 some with me and Nadia. And knowing Bioware I hope to be able to make that happen in an expansion.

[Seajaydubya]

Over the years I've seen more than one marriage end in divorce just because of online "egotude" by both partners. It really isn't funny, at all.

 

The guy and his gal play online, the guy pays a bit more attention to someone other than his RL girl, and suddenly the egos come into play. The girl says "Hey, pay attention to me", the guy has to, for some foul reason I've never figured out, seems to think that his online persona or presence, matters more than his RL relationship. He rebuffs or ignores his partner. The gal says "gee this online BS matters more to him than I do."

 

That, IMO, is the saddest thing I've ever seen in my life.

[Valsdad]

now this i can agree with.

 

balance in all things..

 

interwebz is hard to read folks through, didn't want to come off snarky or somesuch, i probably was a bit, apologies, you looked like the stereotypical

"i treat women like businesspartners"-type, at first.

 

one thing i'm genuinely interested in hearing: (apologies for derailing)

Would you rather find a woman who, like you, puts the other first to the same degree as you do?

 

No, after lots of therapy, I've learned this is very unhealthy and leads to my own happiness being conditional to someone else's free will.

 

or

would you rather "go cold", not give an inch and prefer a woman who acts the same way?

 

Everything has to be equal and balanced or one party will be un-happy. There is a balance between giving of yourself and knowing where yours and her boundaries are. I just can't see doing everything within my power to please another person when that person can be gone tomorrow.

 

 

My step-grandpa once said something i found very wise and fitting to me personally:

"If i want to be happy, i try my hardest to make my wife happy, because i know she does the same exact thing for me."

 

Now if his wife had just shrugged instead of reciprocating, then that'd produce a situation like yours(your other post), where the "happy-levels" get unbalanced, and you just feel exploited.

I was in the same situation once, luckily i hadn't gone to the altar yet, or had kids, so it just hurt alot when it broke.

 

Balance in all things.

 

/peace

 

/5char

[Treedodger]

For what it's worth (in the suggestions thread):

http://www.swtor.com/community/showthread.php?t=238186

[Jakyre]

Now both of you have this problem that will never be solved because you have basically told her that it is ok and good to irrationally believe imaginary characters are threatening her relationship

 

First off, I appreciate the rational discussion we've been having. It's refreshing.

 

You're missing an essential point here, the imaginary characters aren't the problem, my interaction with them is the problem. I choose to do the flirting. Extrapolating this out in my wife's mind, that means I'm looking for something she isn't providing and I'm doing it without telling her. All kinds of trust issues and sneaking around stuff there. You can't see this because I don't have the skill to explain it but I understand it. To her, it's like I was watching ****. Once again, it doesn't matter that it's irrational because to her, it is. Is it a little mental, yes. Am I going to change it? Maybe. Should I continue this behavior in the mean time, well, that would just be stupid.

 

Right and wrong don't come into the conversation, they are totally irrelevant.

 

If this kind of thing causes trust issues then I'm inclined to worry about the level of trust in the first place. Why would she be so suspisious of you? You're not deliberately hiding anything from her you're just not running up to her everytime a dailog choice comes up saying "Hey hun... do you mind if I hit 2?" I trust my fiance implicitly when she goes out with REAL guys (friends) in the REAL world. If I'm ok with that why would I be concerned with an NPC (again we're not talking about other players here)

 

I'm sorry but I'm wondering if you actually read my earlier post. Do you honestly think that right and wrong don't enter into the equation just because feelings are concerned? If she feels jealous of a non-sentient 2 dimensional animation on a monitor because she believes you're being unfaithful or she's worried it means you're not happy with her, she's wrong! Plain and simple (unless you really are unhappy I guess lol). But if you were to say to her "Hunny cummon... it's just a video game, I get more points if I do it this way. (which you do... companion affection affects their mission speed and results) It means absolutely nothing" and she still says "NOPE! I don't like it!". Then, again, she's in the wrong for forcing her unfounded insecurities on you.

 

I totally understand your point regarding picking your battles but maybe that could get flipped around. Maybe she should pick her battles. "Is it really a big deal that he clicks a particular button when interacting with a fictional character? Does it really affect my solid X year relationship with him?"

Edited January 26, 2012 by Jakyre

[Zaron]

Don't feel so bad. my ex got jealous i kissed my mom in front of her. Don't want to go into details, but this is one of many reasons she's my ex.

[EvanSnowWolf]

This entire scenario is absurd. The women stating that this wife has insecurity issues nailed it. Not only does my wife of several years not care or mind if I engage in online romancs, SHE FLAT OUT GETS ANNOYED WHEN I DON'T CALL HER IN THE ROOM TO SEE THEM TO!

 

She isn't mad. She's jealous that her characters are not high enough level to do the same thing!

 

It's called equality. Work on being equal, not rolling over over every teeny tiny hurt feeling.

[mithrril]

Well, I'm the wife in my house, but there's no way I'm jealous of the flirts my husband has in game. That would be pretty hypocritical of me considering I'm all about in game romance in all Bioware games and I regularly have my background set to one attractive video game, tv show, or movie character or another. I think it's really silly to have a problem with flirting or in game romances, if its an NPC anyway. If you were flirting with REAL people online than, yeah, that's a problem, but characters? No. Edited January 27, 2012 by mithrril