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Low latency, double beam, lazors, naga, skywalker, mouse


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I like MMORPG’s because they give me a way to leave reality for a few hours after work and immerse myself in a totally different place; that is why I pre-ordered SWTOR. There is only one problem with multiplayer games: the players, or, let me rephrase, those that call themselves “gamers” (they think that gaming is actually a profession).There are 4 types of “gamer”, they all manage to ruin the fun in a MMORPG:


Type 1. The power leveler.

Power levelers skip cut-scenes, do not try crafting and do not care about the game story because that would cause them to reach the max level in the game in 80 hours instead of 50. They are the ones whining in despair today because there is someone in the server right now leveling and they are not. They will have nightmares tonight, where who is already in the game found an exploit and is leveling faster than they ever will. When, tomorrow, they will get to level (they do not “play”; they “level”) they will risk a stroke seeing a toon higher in level than them. But the power leveler recovers quickly; his character named “dshjadbsgdfsgh” (finding an available name is a waste of time) will manage to get to level 30 in a few hours if they properly dehydrate themselves (no restroom break).

Damage done to the game: The power leveler gets to experience about 10% of the game that the developer put together trough years of hard work. They also spend most of their time online (after reaching the level cap) bragging about how fast they got there and will call anything that moves “nOOb”.


Type 2. The High Tech D**che (HTD).

The HTD owns a low latency, double beam, lazors, naga, skywalker, mouse/keyboard that allows him to activate his toon skills 12 ns before you do. He has a few dozen mods installed (when possible)and any other piece of software that might give them the slightest in-game performance edge.

Damage done: do not even think about being in a HTD party without first spending a few hours installing and updating your software. You are otherwise the clear reason why the party is failing at whatever they are doing. The HTD won’t hesitate to insult you: “Go install ventrilo, team speak, skype, google talk, healz2005, tankalot3.5 and gizmo5 this instant or I’ll kick you! NOOb”


Type 3. The Ant Bully (AB).

The AB thrives on pvp servers. He does not actually like playing player versus player; he simply gets erections while ganking the lowest possible level he can find. The AB will also abundantly use his character animations (dance and kisses for best arousal) in the attempt to humiliate the victim, even better if it is possible to camp the newbie.

Damage done: this is why for the first time I will pick a pve server. I love pvp, love the idea of being able to fight the opposite faction and having that extra adrenaline while exploring the environment. However, having to waste hours of my time just to let some D**che have erections is just not fun. Do not tell me to l2p; the AB is a social creature and will party with other AB’s to make pvp as unfair and as un-fun as possible.


Type 4. The lowest possible “gamer” species, the bottom dweller Cheater and his advanced twin: the Botter.

The cheater/botter likes to use any possible cheat/bot available online, buy in-game currency and pre-leveled toons from the “grey” market. He does not even really play or like the game. Note: the AB cheater is a toxic combo.

Damage done: Immense. The botter will tear the economy of a MMORPG apart. When you manage to find an extremely rare loot and you are salivating at the idea of the massive in-game currency you’ll get by selling it… you’ll discover that you item is worth absolutely nothing because someone is selling 200 of those and already flooded the market. A botter will tell you that they are doing you a favor, because you can buy stuff for cheap, they have the lowest IQ of all the “gamers” and have no concept of rarity, economy or demand/offer equilibrium. Make no mistake, not all botters are Chinese real money traders; google “MMOglider” if you do not believe me. Botters and cheaters also severely damage economically game developers, countless hours are wasted in customer service, security software and security development. This is why you had to answer 5 questions just to play the game.


Conclusion: I am a casual player aka noob. EA, could I please have a “casual player only” server where it is forbidden to be online for more than 4 hours per day? Please? I’ll pay twice as much!

Edited by zanzarino
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