frauzet
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Posts posted by frauzet
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I like Katejo's doubts about Keytor's identity. It fits the secretiveness shown so far that Keytor would have kept having been a slave a secret as well. And I doubt the rest of the council would make a big deal about it publicly.
Looking forward to see Tilas' reaction. We haven't met her yet, but I know I would be pissed. Not only using the damned word, but doing so in front of a stranger, who might be transmitting it to whomsoever right now? On a hunch?
And I guess this won't get him any bonus points with Katejo either.
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Welcome to the fan fiction forum!
I am glad you decided to share your story. This is a very promising start, and I am looking forward to the next part.
My favorite chapter probably was the one from Keeper's point of view. Being aware of what's happening to you and still not being able to do anything about it, adds a special extra level to his torture. It's believable when he says he'd welcome physical pain instead.
Your agent's reasoning to work for the Empire is similar to my agent's. I already like yours and his meticulous method of operating.
Don't worry too much about making mistakes in English. They are still letting me post here as well
The people on this forum are very supportive and encouraging.
*waves to a fellow inhabitant of T3-M4*
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Even for me this has been a long absence...
...but I am still here.
Let's just say I have been struggling with my mood combined with a serious case of writer's block.
I'll try to get back into the habit of writing small pieces more regularly.
Baby steps!
Thanks for bearing with me! <3
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#35
The Sith keeps his word — almost. There are no repercussions except for an uncomfortable silence. He didn’t wait for me to pick up the backpack. I had to hurry to catch up to him before the corridor’s next corner. The tomb’s final gate, and the last lock, aren’t far now. What surprises await us on the final meters? I divide my attention between watching out for more traps, and warily checking Ciner’s expression. His jaw is set in determination of the kind that gives you cramps in the mandibular joint after a while. Not healthy for your teeth either. Now and then he takes a deep breath and the flickering red spots in his eyes disappear for a few seconds. I decide to keep my mouth shut either.
Against all odds we don’t encounter any more traps in the corridors. Maybe they usually don’t send students this far in, so the trap master doesn’t bother. Or it’s because this is the lair of the shyracks. Tracks and droppings mark the floor. The hall with the gate is lit by the same eerie light as the rest of the tomb. It seems to come from several directions, casting our shadows on every wall, ominous creatures crawling between the ancient statues standing guard. Giant servants hewn from granite carry the ceiling’s massive slabs on their shoulders, bowing deeper as the lighting plays tricks on their features. They are all that stands between us and the ceiling. To disturb them means to be buried beneath tons of stone. I tiptoe to the stairs at the base of the opposite wall. In front of the first step I resume breathing.
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Marr
in Fan Fiction
Please forgive me for being late.
I am glad I found the time to finally read this last chapter.
Not that I need anything to look forward to weekends, still I'll miss your story.
Thank you very much for sharing this one with us.
I hope -- after a well earned rest -- inspiration will bring you back with the next story.
I'll be here waiting for you
Kudos! <3
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Marr
in Fan Fiction
Poor Liaseph!
The diary entries are very well done! You managed to make me sad!
Looking forward to the next part!
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Marr
in Fan Fiction
Having to watch this scene and not being able to interfere sure does count as some kind of penance.
Well done!
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I bought a writing tool back when I started writing regularly. It's been a great help with keeping my stuff somewhat tidy and organized. I'd lack the discipline to do it with various documents and folders, as I can see everytime I check my recordings of the game for some specific scene. Hours later...
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@Myddelion: I do that, too. For stuff I do not intend to use in the near future I keep extra documents for notes.
I use this also for reminders for things that happened, or need to happen for whatever reason.
For instance I'd keep a reminder that my char has a broken rib, so I don't have him jumping around without being in pain.
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Marr
in Fan Fiction
Most unexpected, indeed. This qualifies as a cliffhanger.
I like how you summed up the years inbetween and created a sense of time rushing by.
Looking forward to the next chapter!
(And I do wonder what happened to that poor fork and why.)
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Marr
in Fan Fiction
I agree with Foxfirerose, another great chapter, and I concur with her conclusions.
I still love how you interweave this story with your previous ones and the ingame events. This adds so much more depth to them all.
I am looking forward to find out what happens next.
Kudos!
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@Misha + Luna: Thank you for your lovely comments! You helped me through another phase of being depressed about my writing.
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#34
The shyrack’s neck snaps with a loud crack. Hollow bones, good for flying. Not so much for withstanding blunt force. I wish I had a club. It’d be easier to hit them than with a blaster. Ciner swings his training blade. Not quite the shower I wished for, but the spray of blood proves my point. These buggers have been waiting for us. Wings, teeth, and claws everywhere. Smell of iron, and scorched flesh. The scratches on my arms smart. Trying to keep them off my face with my left arm while shooting with my right. I duck and stumble from the attack of another incoming leather-winged missile. I curse as something pierces into my foot. Probably stepped on one of those damned yaws. No time to check. Besides that club, sturdy boots wouldn’t be bad either. Blood from my forehead is leaking into my left eye. Kind of impossible to see where I’m setting my feet. How many of these demons are already down? It’s also impossible to take proper aim. Two more shots on a wing and a prayer. I won’t complain if the first one finds its mark.
“Peace is a lie!” I mutter. The first line of the Sith code I learned two corridors earlier. It sounds like an omen. Or maybe a recap of my life.
“There is only passion!” Ciner yells with a spin and a kick for one of the shyracks. The Sith laughs. He seems to be in his element.
Among all the blood there is the slight smell of oil in a pan left on an oven on its highest setting. Time to change hands. Fend off attackers with my right, shoot with my left. Hope the second blaster won’t be overheated before the first one cooled off. The heat vents are at their limit. We’re lucky the beasts don’t know. There is a shriek that leaves a ringing in my ears. I fire some more shots but am too disoriented to hit anything before the surviving shyracks vanish behind a pillar. Probably another air vent.
“They are gone.” Ciner says. His voice is muffled by the whistle in my ears. He puts away his weapon and grabs my chin.
I shove his hand away.
“Let me have a look at the cut on your forehead!” he insists.
I dab at it with the remains of my sleeve and draw a sharp breath. Kark! I shake my head. Colorful spots bloom all over what’s left of my field of vision. Drops of gasoline glistening in leftover puddles from last night’s rain. Up and down are squabbling over what belongs where. I concentrate to hold on to the blasters.
Ciner’s grip on my shoulder prevents me from falling. “Sit down. This is not the time to act the fool.”
I shuffle a few steps till I can get my back against a wall and slide down to a sitting position. The blasters can’t seem to fit the holsters, so I put them on the floor instead. That frees up my hands to put a finger in each ear and give them a soft shake till the ringing stops. Better! With the Sith’ help I manage to get the backpack from my back. Eyes closed I lean my head against the wall. I take several deep breaths through my nose while Ciner rummages through the supplies. My stomach growls in response to the smell drifting from the backpack. I recall the wraps.
With a chuckle Ciner places the parcel in my hands. “Without decent food, I’d feel dizzy, too, after a fight. Just let me put a kolto plaster on that scratch first. This stuff will taste better without you bleeding all over it.” Not long and he has retrieved everything he needs from the medkit. With a compress he wipes away the blood. Almost gently he presses it to the wound. “Keep it in place. I’ll ready the plaster.” Squinting and gnawing his lower lip he aims to apply the patch properly. After he’s done he tilts his head to inspect his work. “Professional!” he claims. I am not sure whether he means me or his first aid skills.
I unpack the food and hand one of the wraps to him. He takes it and sits down beside me. I take a peek at the inside of mine. Most of the ingredients look strange, yet the taste is wonderful. I concentrate on chewing thoroughly, trying to figure out the single vegetables’ flavor. “So, who taught you this?” I ask him between bites.
His boot tip nudges one of the carcasses littering the floor in front of us. “Killing shyracks?”
I point at my head. “Patching up people.”
He grins between chewing and swallowing. “As a child I practiced on my stuffed nexu, and the akk puppies, mimicking what I had observed Marun doing. Anything more sophisticated than a plaster or as unappreciative a patient as the puppies, and I am at a loss.”
Puppies, not one, several. To younger me that would have sounded like heaven. Enough food to spare to own pets bigger than a rat. None that’d land in the next pot of soup.
“No, I am the descendant of a long line of Sith. I trained all my life for my trials here,” he continues more earnest. “Minor injuries are the order of the day, first aid measures part of the training. Especially for those of us who lack even the slightest affinity for Force healing. You have to be able to treat your own wounds. Anyone else might take the opportunity to finish you off.”
Yeah, it's always good to have friends you can rely on. Sound like pleasant guys, his fellow acolytes. I divide the last wrap in half and watch him as he eats his part.
For a moment his gaze focuses on a place lost in time and space. “I wonder what happened to the stuffed nexu.” Without his mask of arrogance and self-assured manners he doesn’t look any older than me. He peers at me out of the corner of his eye. “What is your verdict?”
“Huh?”
“Tell me what you see.”
I lick my lips. “Not sure you’ll want to know.”
“This is your free ticket, no repercussions.”
I finish eating. Ciner retrieves the water bottle from the backpack, drinks, waits expectantly, while I consider licking off the sauce off my fingers, then decide against it. “You really want to know?” I wipe my hands on the legs of my trousers. No participant leaves that encounter any cleaner than before. Free ticket, he says. I don’t want to risk pissing him off as he is my only ticket out of here.
Again he proves his empathy. “I will not force you to tell me. Either way, I will keep my word.” Implying he could force me. He hands me the bottle.
The water is cool, almost chill. I no longer know what we’re searching for in this tomb. Closing one eye, I regard him over the top of the bottle. “I see someone who, despite having more options than I could possibly wish for, follows a path set for him by others. I see someone, who is as trapped as me.”
A bitter laugh escapes him, after the initial shock. “The Force shall free me.”
I see someone who is suddenly as lost as I am.
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Marr
in Fan Fiction
I like Marr's thoughts about the benefits of rumors.
Also it's nice to see the origins of his bond with his daughter. Still I am a bit angry with Marr he chose not to see the child's mother first. I hope she won't come to any negative conlusions, and she will overcome her current condition.
I love that you included it. I believe it's not often post-partum depression is mentioned in fanfiction (or any other fiction), but it's a real thing and it 's not as seldom as one would like to think.
I can see Liaseph being prone to catch it, given the problems she and Marr are facing (or not facing) in their relationship. I am looking forward to find out more about her handmaiden, and hope she offers the necessary support to Liaseph.
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Kai is probably right. It's often not the visible scars that are the biggest threat to our wellbeing.
I like the view of the Empire you show us here. They are not just evil for evil's sake. No, they care about their soldiers. They try to get their POWs back, and they offer or even insist on proper counseling.
There has to be something besides super-bad Sith to make the system work.
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Great start!
I am eagerly awaiting the next part.
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An amazing final chapter.
I loved the description of the wolrds Vector visited, and it got only better afterwards.
The part about Rey'elle opening the lock Vector had created had me close to tears. Beautiful!
I like how you solved the confrontation with Theron, even though I feel a bit sorry for him. Vector is absolutely right though.
A wonderful happy end.
Kudos!
Thank you very much for sharing.
P.S.: I do hope inspiration will strike you again soon
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Marr
in Fan Fiction
Happy Easter!
This chapter already made for a good morning, thank you.
I don't know what I expected, but it wasn't this. What a clever way to connect the crystals to the ingame story.
I love it!
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Here's a prompt to start us off:
When you're writing, do you ever have any fear or apprehension to how people will react to your portrayal of the Companions? Especially love interests, considering how close people feel their character is to them?
I have a plot point where a certain companion pretends to be with the enemy for a short time, and the audience isn't supposed to know until later, and I know I'll get flak in the mean time because of how the companion is being bathed in a bad light
I haven't written much about the companions so far, but from what little I did write, I know the feeling. There are times when I am a little bit glad my favorite companions aren't the most popular ones around here.
What helps me, is to remind myself, that we all see these fictional characters a bit differently. Our interpretation is influenced by our own background and experiences. Keeping this in mind also helps me to enjoy versions of characters that differ a lot from how I see them. It's a bit like having episodes with parallell dimensions in your favorite show, where the characters have developed in an other way.
I understand why you are worried about your planned plot-twist. Yet so far I have only experienced very supportive readers here on the forum. And at least some of the readers will be suspicious when a character behaves out-of-character. My advice would be to not keep them waiting for the conclusion for too long, and maybe drop some small hints on the way there.
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Welcome! It's always nice to see more people share their stories here.
The letters work well to give Quinn a more personal background. I can see Quinn losing all false friends after his demotion, leaving him with this one true friend.
I also liked the fight in space. Quinn would certainly put the success of the mission above his personal wellbeing.
Looking forward to the next part.
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*waves*
Still here, too.
I like th eidea, even if the forum is rather quiet, like the others already pointed out.
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Marr
in Fan Fiction
*claps hands*
I love rituals.
As before I liked your portrayal of the Dread Masters.
Marr working with Master Zho reminds me a bit of SW Belsavis, one of my favorite chapters ingame, so needless to say I enjoyed this very much.
Looking forward to the next part.
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Oh, he was so close.
Of course I knew there was no hope he would find her on Asylum, still this hurt.
Poor Vector.
The melancholy of the chapter is heartwrenching.
Hang on, Vector!
<3
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Yay, I am still here. Managed to lift the writer's block a bit this evening. It is not much, and it is a scene I had planned to skip, but Thorns and Ciner started talking, so I took notes.
I do hope the result is worth reading.
Again, thank you for bearing with me.
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#33
Ciner stares at the floor, at me, back down. He scratches his neck. “What do you make of this?”
“Floor tiles.” The material looks the same as the rest of the floor. They are square, maybe 40 centimeters wide.
“Anything helpful?”
“Floor tiles with symbols on them?” That is the difference.
His brows draw together. “Beyond the obvious?”
I shrug. “How am I supposed to know? You are the one with the brain, and an education.” Given we’re in a Sith tomb, chance is they are some ancient Sith symbols. Modern catalogs of weapons are usually printed in Aurebesh. I never saw the need to learn anything else.
The Sith takes a deep breath. “Which way did you take last time? This one or the other? It must have been one of the two. How did you get past the traps?”
“You didn’t want to take the other corridor, now don’t blame me.” Not that I had any idea how to pass the trap there, not even being able to see it and all. “I told you, I followed my friend. I did as she told me, stepped where she showed me to.”
“Of course!” His face lights up. “We are only allowed to step on certain tiles.”
“That much is part of the obvious.” It’s always nice when people don’t stick to their own rules.
“Maybe to a thief,” he snarks.
Now it’s time for me to stare at him. “Don’t tell me you haven’t seen ‘Raiders of the Rakatan Tomb’?” I shake my head in disbelief. “It's one of the best holovids ever made. I take back what I said. That’s a major gap in education.” Are there restrictions on holovids in the Empire? An index of forbidden ones? Probably contains all those that are fun to watch instead of the horror vids.
“We can reenact the latest Sith opera I watched. I have a vivid memory of the scene where the hero slays the villain.”
“Opera?” I chuckle. “When I start to sing, you’ll have a reason to slay me, that much is for sure.”
Ciner grins. “At least you acknowledge you are the villain. Your cause may not be lost yet.” He nods towards the floor. “So what is the connection between your holovid and this tiles?”
“Well, I could be wrong, but I doubt the idea is new. Plagiarizing is probably older than this tomb. In the holovid there was a tiled area and you needed to step on the tiles that formed a codeword to get across. Their symbols were conveniently Aurebesh letters and they got obvious hints for the plain codeword two scenes earlier.” I start to scan the walls behind us. “So I hope you attended your ancient symbol classes, and we’ll find some hints here somewhere.”
“You can stop your search,” the Sith calls after a few moments. Mustering the tiles he tilts his head from one side to the other. “I know these symbols. Pay attention and I will teach you the Sith code.”
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Great chapter! <3
While I did enjoy the fight scene, to me Vector's inner fight was the more important one. My favorite part was this one:
Vector was trapped again, between his duty to the hive and his duty to Rey’elle and no matter where he looked he could find no exit. It had been three and a half years since he lost her and he was no closer to finding her today than he was then. He could die if he fought the Night Herald but without her, he was already dead and the needs of the Kind were immediate.He cannot abjure his duty to the hive, he wouldn't be Vector otherwise.
I hope he isn't too badly hurt. A good thing he made proper preparations. The part Kaliyo played in this made me chuckle.
Looking forward to the next part.
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Marr
in Fan Fiction
Adorable! <3
Also looking forward to the ritual.
Trouble, Destiny, and Other Complications - AU: Caught
in Fan Fiction
Posted
Thank you Luna and Misha for welcoming me back.
I keep working on my descriptions. It's getting easier as my English improves
Most of my plans for writing have been thwarted again. I probably shouldn't make any at all. Nonetheless I managed to get a post-able piece written and edited.
The next part is already in the works. I am almost done with the first draft. I reckon there will be at least 5 more parts. For the first time I am able to see where I am going with a multi-part story.
After 'Caught' I intend to get rid of the cliffhanger where I left TDaOC. That wasn't nice of me, and it's been bothering me for a long time now.
But first things first. Here is part 36. Hope you'll enjoy.
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#36
I hunker down and run my hand over the surface in front of me. The texture of the stone tickles my fingertips. After a slight increase of the applied pressure, the cold seeping out of the material spreads through my fingers. There is no crack between the single steps to fit a fingernail into. The whole stair is hewn from a single block. Just these few moments suffice for my fingers to start growing numb. Like on our way down the ventilation shaft, there is the feeling of warmth being sucked out of my body. Only this time it’s stronger. I can’t help the gasp that escapes me when I pull my hands away. The perceived drag can be chalked up to my imagination!
“What is wrong?” Ciner is immediately on alert.
“Nothing!” I declare shaking my head. I take the steps to the gate and nothing happens. The numbness vanishes as I flex my fingers. “Feels like it tried to feed on me!” I mutter under my breath.
“It?” the Sith asks. “You mean the tomb?” His brows draw together. “Interesting thought!” His gaze shifts from me to the gate in front of us and back again.
Kark! My remark hasn’t been meant for his ears. I need to guard my tongue better than this. A credit for his thoughts. I don’t like his current expression. No, not at all! There is no need to take any risks here and let him come to wrong conclusions. I have no idea what exactly the security footage shows. “I am pretty sure there were no sacrifices involved when my friend opened the gate,” I explain. On the other hand I don’t have a clue on how to open it.
The Sith shifts his stance to face me. “And to how many percent — by your estimate — does ‘pretty sure’ translate to?” He is showing way too much of his teeth for my liking.
“137, more than enough,” I snap and he chuckles.
“Do not worry! As long as you honor our deal, I will do the same. It is reassuring to have another option if you fail, though.”
I can’t tell whether or not he’s joking. “Yeah, very reassuring!” Yet! I don’t have any clue yet, I remind myself. There are no obvious buttons on the two smaller statues guarding the gate.
“What can I say? I was foretold I would meet my key to this tomb. Now here you are, but destiny forgot to also deliver the usage instructions.”
At least he doesn’t need ab-usage instructions. Reassuring, my @ss. “It’s not like I am a droid,” I grumble while I feel for any markings on the door itself.
Ciner nods. “I noticed. Droids usually do as they are told. And otherwise you reset them to factory adjustments. Getting rid of your bad habits would be a more tedious effort.”
The pot calling the kettle black! There is no point in risking my life and possible freedom just to make him scowl. Well, I try. “Lucky for you, that won’t be your problem, and lucky for me,” I say as I take off the backpack, “it won’t be mine either.” After short rummaging I raise the data pad in the air. “Someone realized it might be a good idea to keep the contents despite not being able to understand what they were. If this had been reset, we would be in trouble.” Or, in my case, in even more trouble.
Ciner’s mouth twitches in amusement. He got my point. Still. “There were no instructions on opening the gate,” Ciner points out. He has learned the map by heart. However he managed that in less than 15 minutes.
Giving the pad a rest on the top stair I stretch my back and crack my fingers. This might take a while. “Say, you had the brilliant idea to hide a bunch of valuable information behind a game for which you hold the high-score on various densely populated planets in several sectors.” I tilt my head to regard him. His pursed lips tell me he has trouble with the image. Not a gamer then. “If you are able to reach level 99 without breaking a sweat, do you seriously hide everything you got behind the third level?” His eyes widen. “I am pretty sure there is more to be found,” I affirm.
“Pretty sure? 137 percent?” Then more serious, “it does sound reasonable, though.” He observes me sitting down and booting the pad.
With a tap on the icon I start the game. “She was a genius, that much is certain!” A cough to hide the catch in my voice.
“Just out of curiosity. How many percent does ‘certain’ translate to?”
In the back of my mind Ce’na sticks her tongue out. I want to do the same. I am capable of rule of three, and percentage calculation and I am kriffing proud of it. I swallow my pride and concentrate on the game. Why would I even care about the Sith’ opinion of me? I’ll be rid of him as soon as we get back out of this tomb.
The first levels don’t require much skill, only about a minute each of the rest of my life. What’s not eaten up by the game, the steps are sucking out of my @ss, which sounds weird when I say it like that. Marun’s injection did some good, but it hasn’t conjured any more flesh onto my bones. During level 5 I feel the cold creeping towards some more tender parts I am quite fond of. Since I can’t rule out I’ll get the chance to use them again, I take the break after level 5 to repurpose the backpack to a seat pad. My scowl is supposed to discourage anyone from making jokes about karking hemorrhoids. The days when I thought, people at age twenty were old, have gone past long since. By the time I reach level 12 Ciner already paced up and down the hall several times. Level 25 and he stops in front of me.
“How long will this take?”
I shoot him a quick glance. “Longer if you distract me at the wrong moment.” I don’t bother to wait for his reaction. Level 25 doesn’t make me break a sweat, but I have to keep an eye on the preview. Why does this kriffing game don’t have any save points? Ce’na loved it. I played a few times to humor her. I beat her at target practice. She annihilated me in this game’s battle mode. If she hid the info behind one of the last levels I might as well kill myself now. Only, she wouldn’t do something so impractical, would she? Her image in my mind shakes her head so hard her lekku fly. No, she would never overdo anything this much, not even if she found it hilarious. About half an hour till level 35. Where does impractical turn to useless?
“We don’t have all day!” Ciner’s feet roam outside of my field of vision, yet the acoustics in this chamber carry his muttered remark, words and meaning clear as crystal.
I look up to retort. “It’s so much cozier here than in my cell. You can’t blame me for dragging this out.” He makes a face which tells me he speaks sarcasmic, too. Only, getting ruffled doesn’t help with winning the game. With a blaring sound I lose one of my three lives. “Kark! Here we go. Two lives left. If I lose those, too, I’ll have to start all over again. You want this to be over? Stop karking distracting me for no karking reason. If that’s not too karking much to ask for!” I never made it past level 75. Do I dare hope she didn’t hide it past that? I visualize someone playing with her lek, gazing up through nonexistent eyelashes, managing the same effect nonetheless. A picture of pure innocence. 37 and one life already lost. I hate this game.
“Calm down! I know it takes as long as it takes.” The Sith draws a deep breath, leans against the legs of one of the statues, faces me. “I have a bad feeling. Maybe the shyracks are gathering to come back.” He looks towards the corridor we came through.
I rub the strain from my eyes and crack my knuckles again. “Kark them, this changes nothing. If they come back, we’ll deal with them — again! What matters now is that I win this kriffing game. Why don’t you guard the hallway, while I do my part?” I’d prefer to snap some over-sized lizard-birds’ necks right now.
Ciner hesitates, presenting me with the full force of his fire-bespeckled gaze. I’m probably the first slave to give him any orders. I don’t care. All I care about is my end of the deal. I pretend not to notice anything amiss. Signs of anger? Like what? Balled fists? Sorry, too busy unclenching my own. There is something I am even more proud of than percentage calculation, and that’s my karking word. I keep my deals. I don’t do kriffing breaches of promises. Yes, I told the Sith, I didn’t know how to open the gate. Still, that little detail lost importance along the way. I want my kriffing chance to be free again. I restart level 37. Out of the corner of my eyes I see Ciner amble over to the passage. He utters something under his breath, but the only thing I catch this time is ‘feedback loop’.