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teccarphi

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    D&D, Star Wars
  1. Fine, I'll throw this out here. More details, if you need them, are available upon PM. So: Either a scene or just a single person. The scene would be three male twi'leks, one red, one green, one blue. They're all Mandos (Not helmeted, but armored). They are fighting (With fists, no blasters). They are circling each other. The red one appears to be winning. The single person would be the red twi'lek after the battle. He'd be bruised and possibly bleeding, but would have an air of triumph around him. Choose which one you'd rather do/which one you can do with the time you have. Thanks a million, Teccarphi
  2. Thanks. I look forward to seeing your future works.
  3. Good story so far. If I were you, I'd go back through and check my punctuation. Your sentences tend to not leave the reader with a time for breath (no commas). For example, "completed the trials and had more or less resolved my temper-issues if I do say so myself.. " If you read it out-loud, you would pause several times in here. To make it a bit easier to read, it should be something like: "completed the trials, and had more or less resolved my temper issues, if I do say so myself." this makes it easier to read, and tells the reader where to pause and breath. A good way to see where you need commas is to read through out loud, to see where you pause for breath. Where these breaks are, put a comma. Keep it up, Teccarphi (also a first time writer, so I know how hard it is to go through and make sure you have good punctuation when you want to write a story.)
  4. Ok... I 'll probably post something in a few days.
  5. Lol, allrighty. Consider my request pending until you are ready for it.
  6. Epilogue It had been several days since Marra had returned to Toprawa and learned of her mother's death. Marra sat in her old house. She had to sell it. She needed the money. After her unexplained leave of absence, she had been fired from her job in Salic. She pleaded with her boss, but he simply shoved her out the door and told her to find another job, another home. She tried shaking herself. She was barely 14... Too young to be an orphan, too young to have to make her own way in the universe. Too young not to have a family or a close group of friends she could trust. She only had one option left. She loved the stars. They were where she felt most at-home. She would spend the rest of her life there. Charting new hyperroutes when people needed them, smuggling, not for one group, but for whoever paid, and any other jobs that involved a ship and the stars.* But first, she needed a ship. And she had higher standards than a X-32. She wanted something classy, but something second-rate would work until she found something better. The house would be sold, and she would buy whatever ship she could. She said goodbye to her neighbors and old friends, then traveled to the spaceport to find a ship, to begin her life amount the stars.
  7. 4 Marra looked out of the viewport. She had made it. Barely. According to the damage report, the bolt had scraped the ship at it jumped to hyperspace. It had managed to hit the shields, but nothing else. If the Hutt forces at Nar Shaddaa decided to open fire... Even the smallest shot would incinerate her. She shook her head, her red hair shimmering in the low light that remained in the ship. She plugged in the coordinates for the next micro-jump, engaged the hyperdrive, and then walked to the crew quarters to put on decent clothing. ********** Several days later, as the starlines retreated into stars again, Marra saw the shining, glimmering planet of Nar Shaddaa. She had made it past the Hutt forces. It would take a few minutes to land. Not long enough for the Cartel forces to target her and fire. She spun the ship around and saved the combined route. Then she plugged the course into the ancient NaviComp and entered hyperspace once more. There had been no more sightings of the Nikto bounty hunter since the escape. Within the day, the starlines melted into the familiar sight of Toprawa. She quickly landed the ship in the small spaceport. Jorj stood waiting. As she exited the ship, Jorj ran up to her. "You made it! Did you find a route?" "Yup. Though the shields on the Lady Luck are fried. How's my mom?" "She... Um... I... Umm..." Jorj stammered, losing his confidence. "What happened, Kands?" Marra said angrily. "She... She... Um... caught a.... Ummmm... A.... You know... That thing." he said lamely. "What is it Kands? Now." "She caught a... Umm... A... The Karatos Plague. A Mandalorian stopped here a few days ago... I think... I think it spread from him. But not deadly... It seemed weak, like it was barely inside him... No one got seriously infected... Except your mother. Her... Her immune system..." He broke off at Marra's furious stare. "You promised to protect her, Kands," she said, her rage-filled voice ice-cold and shaking with anger. "You swore." "I... I tried... But there was--" he stammered. "Nothing you could do? You should have spent every credit you had. Borrowed some if need be. Or get a lousy job, for stars sake. Then you use it to buy her some meds. We can't fix her, but we could have kept her alive," she yelled, her rage erupting from ice-cold to fiery hot. "I...I'm sorry," said Jorj. "That doesn't cut it. My mother is dead. All because I was away running some stupid errand for you." "Marra, you--" "Don't talk to me. Ever again. Enjoy your flight to Nar Shaddaa, Kands. I hope getting out of debt is worth it to you." "I.... I'm sorry," he said. "I said don't talk to me, slime," Marra said, whirling around, a fist raised for a hook punch. Jorj backed away. "I..." he began. Marra took a half-step toward him, tears and anger burning in her green eyes. He ran. Marra sat down on the paved floor of the spaceport and tears began to run down her cheeks.
  8. 3 Marra looked out at the starry sky from the black of space. She had just finished her last jump of the day. She figured she was nearly halfway there, which meant only a few more days of incessant micro-jumps. She set the sublight engines to neutral. Wouldn't do to fly into a supernova while I'm sleeping. The Lady Luck had only a few rooms. The bridge, a crew quarters, the captain's quarters, and several supply rooms. She slept in the crew quarters. The idea of sleeping in the same bed that Jorj would have was... Disgusting. She grabbed a thin night shirt, as the Lady Luck's heater seemed to be stuck on 'unpleasantly hot', and stripped off her black mesh pants. She shook herself. Something didn't seem right, tonight. Probably nothing. She slipped under the thin single sheet she had left on the bed and lay down to sleep. ******* The ghostly ship jumped out of hyperspace. There it was. The old Rendilli X-32. Zabron Gaxeb, a Nikto, smiled his thick toothy grin to himself. The Exchange would pay well for this hyperspace scout who insisted on carving his own path to Nar Shaddaa. He was a bounty hunter, hired to bring his captives alive. The Exchange wanted this... Zabron checked his file... This Jorj Kands alive. Kands was a smuggler for Black Sun, and a determined one at that. The Exchange was in need of more smugglers, and Kands seemed like a good opportunity. It would pay extra for a smuggler who charted his own hyperspace routes as well. Zabron chuckled to himself as he brought his ship, the Ghost Fire, near the clunky old X-32. ********** Marra woke with a start. Something was wrong. But there were no sirens or alarms. Just a tingling in the back of her head. She walked over the the cockpit of the Lady Luck, still in her nightshirt and without pants. She turned on the sensors. There! Something, a ship, was gliding smoothly and slowly toward her. But who would be out in this part of space unless.... Unless they were following her. Flipping a few switches, Marra brought the Lady Luck to full power in a few seconds. The powered up the engines and took off from the ghostly ship as fast as the old engines would let her. ********** Zabron cackled. "So... The little man wants to play, does he?" he fired his own engines and shot off after the X-32 at nearly twice the speed. He gained on the Lady Luck quickly. He turned on his comms to an open frequency and tried hailing his target. A large view screen shimmered to life as Kands answered.* Except Kands wasn't there. A pretty young girl was, with flaming red hair tossed casually over one shoulder in perfect combed position, although it was clear she had just woke up. Her face was dotted with freckles which just enhanced her beauty. She wore a pale nightshirt, revealing, faintly, her skin beneath the shirt. But Zabron was used to having to target pretty girls.* He ignored her looks and asked, "Where's Kands?" "That's who you're after? Jorj?" "Yeah, the smuggler. I know he's on that ship. Smugglers never leave their ship by choice. Whaddya do, missie? Steal it? Or else he's in there, and he's more talented then I heard." "Neither. He wants me to do something for him." "And you're the hyperspace scout?" Silence. "Answer, little missie, or I'll blow that ship to space dust." The girl's holographic face twisted at the threat, but quickly returned to her normal half-smile. "Yeah, I am. But he's the smuggler." This time it was Zabron's face that crinkled in thought. What would a smuggler and a hyperspace scout be doing together? ************** Marra looked at the ugly Nikto face of the bounty hunter. She prepped the hyperdrive for her next jump. If she could keep him talking long enough to make a jump, perhaps she could escape him. "Don't try it missie. I know what a hyperdrive prep looks like. You're not going anywhere." Marra sighed and leaned back. "Shut it down, missie, or I'll shoot." Marra pulled the lever to engage. She could make it. The face of the Nikto on the screen snarled and then split into a smile. "Goodbye, missie," he said. A bolt of green light from the Nikto's ship shot toward the Lady Luck as the stars stretched and the ship jumped into hyperspace.
  9. 2 Marra rushed home. Her mother lay in bed as usual, her eyes and cheeks sunken, her teeth yellow from the spice. The blankets, like her mother's face, were a sickly grey. Marra, on the other hand, beamed a pearly white smile. "I'm home, mom," she said softly. "I'm going away for a while soon. But when I return, we're going to get you permanently cured. Do you hear me?" Her mother just stared at the wall, saying nothing, hearing nothing. She had been like this for days, all her energy fighting off the basic bacteria that harmed no one except her. Marra quickly packed a bag of necessities for a few weeks. She went through her mental checklist of things she needed.* Boots. Wearing them. Five shirts. Check. Three pairs of mesh pants. Check. Hairbrush. Check. The rest of the stuff I need, Jorj should have on board. Marra grabbed the bag and set off at a fast pace toward the tiny, open-air spaceport Rennow had. Jorj stood waiting for her. "Here she is," he said proudly, motioning to the ship in one of the space ports open docks. Marra coughed in surprise. It was a rickedy old junker. A piece of trash. It appeared to be a Rendilli StarDrive X-32 freighter, if she remembered her specs correctly. The X-32s were discontinued after a few months due to complaints of their speed, hyperdrives, and weapons. Essentially the worst ship made. No wonder Black Sun could keep Jorj in debt so long. It could take days to cross regions that should take minutes sublight. "I know, I know, it's an X-32. But I've made some modifications, and she's never failed me yet. Her name's the Lady Luck." "No offense Jorj, but no matter how many modifications you put on that thing, it's still junk. Please tell me you upgraded it with a decent NaviComputer. I can't do anything jumping blind." Jorj hesitated. "Ummm... Well... You see," he muttered. "Jorj, you are a complete idiot," Marra burst out. "How in the blazes am I going to get from here to Nar Shaddaa making blind jumps? I won't, that's how. I'm going to end up dead, or hundreds of light-years off course, all because you were top lazy to upgrade your 'Lady Luck' with a decent NaviComp."* Jorj looked taken aback by the outburst. Marra softened a bit. "I'll still do it. I gave you my word, and I keep my word. But if I die, or I'm late returning, or anything, you are taking care of my mom. Even of it means putting your own neck on the line. Got it?" "G-G-Got it," stammered Jorj. ******* Marra gunned the Lady Luck's engines and lifted off into the atmosphere. Soon she was out into cold space once more. The familiar thrill of being at the controls passed through her as she set the scanner range to maximum and prepared her first jump towards Nar Shaddaa. Each jump would be simple. Stitching them together into one route that didn't fly through any stars or black holes would be harder. She plugged in the coordinates of the first jump, near the edge of sensor range, and pulled back the lever that sent the ship into hyperspace. The stars stretched into lines, and the lines became the mottled blue/black of hyperspace. Marra leaned back in the dirty, old, ripping, black leather chair. ********* A few hundred miles away, easily within sensor range, a ghostly grey, sleek ship jumped into hyperspace along the same vector.
  10. 1 Marra stood, her ever-so-slightly curled, shining red hair tossed casually over one shoulder, before the whining man kneeling in front of her. They stood -- or kneeled -- in the middle of a dusty street, a few blocks away from a small speeder rental company. The man was dressed in a dust-stained jacket. It was the same dirty brown color as his hair. The jacket once was blue, but the dirt and grime had worn it away to its current pale brown. The man's hair was cropped close to his head, not to the point of a buzz cut, but still short. "Please! You have to help me!" Marra knew this man. He was infamous in the small town, Rennow, that she lived in. The man's name was Jorj Kands. He was human, like most of the people in Rennow, where he was born and raised. He was only a few years older than her, perhaps 5. We grew up together. He was like a brother before he got his delusions of grandeur. Instead of being content to stay on the small backwater world of Toprawa, like most were, he had set off for an adventure. Soon tales filtered back to Rennow of what had happened. Jorj had wound up getting involved with the Black Sun, on Coruscant. He had gotten into debt trouble gambling, and Black Sun was forcing him to pay it off with smuggling jobs. Marra, dressed in her usual blue and grey tight-fitting jumpsuit that she wore as her uniform for her job as a speeder pilot, looked down at the pitiful man begging before her. He looked up at her, pleading. "Please, Marra. I need your help. Getting this shipment of arms to the Republic defenders on Ord Radama would get me out of debt. I could return here and live a normal life." Marra tossed her flaming red hair onto her other shoulder with a flick of her head. "Come on, Jorj. The Black Sun doesn't smuggle weapons, especially not the the Republic." Jorj stayed on the ground, pleading. "It's.... It's... It's not guns... It's... It's a supply run. Food and stuff," he stammered. His voice gave away his lie. "Jorj? What is it?" "Fine... It's spice... And to Nar Shaddaa," he stammered. Marra's eyes flashed. She hated spice, and Nar Shaddaa sounded like the place that was to blame for the spice trade. *Her mother was a recovering addict, which had ruined her immune system to the point that a small cough would leave her coughing up blood.Plus... Her older sister had been sold to one of the Exchange's crime lords on Nar Shaddaa. They hadn't heard from her since. Even if her sister had escaped, Marra doubted she would have wanted to write to the family that abandoned her, sold her off so her mother could buy spice. Marra barely remembered her sister. Harra, her sister, had been nearly eight years older the Marra, and had been sold by the time Marra was six. Her father had left when her mother had fallen into spice use. All Marra remembered of Harra was her jet-black hair that smelled like the imported fruit people in Rennow occasionally got. When they had the money. And her personality. She loved her sister, comforting and caring. But Marra had seen her out on the streets in her short clothing that revealed what Marra's mother, when she wasn't in the hold of spice, called 'Outrageous and overly revealing.' Harra had argued over what was 'overly' revealing, and had won due to her mother losing control of herself to the spice. Harra talked with all the boys, flitting from boy to boy like a mynock. They all looked at her when she thought they weren't looking, and from what Marra heard in the market as she was sent to get food, nearly every boy in Rennow fancied himself in love with her. Marra shook herself back to the present and asked, "There are hundreds of hyperlanes to Nar Shaddaa. Why do you need a new one?" Even at her young age, she was considered a prodigy with starships. She had been able to pilot basic ships into low orbit without them burning up by the time she was five, and by age thirteen, had been hired as a speeder pilot in the Salic, the largest city on Toprawa. She needed the money. But still, Marra barely had a credit for herself. Everything went to her mother's medicine. "Nar Shaddaa is controlled by the Hutt Cartel," said Jorj, bringing Marra back to focus. "I can't just jump to Nar Shaddaa, say I have a delivery for someone from their competitors, and waltz down to the surface. They'd blow me out of the sky." "And a new Hyperspace route would help how?" "I jump into low orbit via the new route. They won't be expecting someone coming from a direction different than the main channels. So I fly down quick and land before they can shoot. Deliver the spice, and voila. I'm out of debt, with a few creds in my pocket." "And I should help you, why?" she asked, her hair flipping back to its original position. "I'll give you any extra I have," Jorj stammered, off guard. He hadn't expected his old friend, his old crush's sister, to ask for something in return. "I-I'll even make sure Black Sun pays me enough for a shuttle and for a full medical treatment for your mom. We'll get her to Coruscant or Alderaan. They have medicine. They can cure her." Marra paused, weighing the options. There was several seconds of silence. Marra, with her weight on one hip, thinking and chewing her lip, Jorj, nervously kneeling before Marra, hands clasped together in a silent prayer. "I'll do it. Fine. But you'd better come through," Marra answered at last. "Thank the stars, Marra. You are wonderful. Thank you. Thank you," he said, stumbling over his words in ecstasy, kissing her old black boots. Her feet were too large for them, and they were tearing at the seams. Marra shook her foot, throwing Jorj to the side.* "I'll need a ship," she said.
  11. First Flight -- The Tale of a Hyperspace Scout First off, let me say that this is my first real story. I've written short 2-3 page stories, but nothing with multiple chapters, a continuing storyline. So, I'd really appreciate critiques and comments to help me improve my writing. This will be the story of a young hyperspace scout. She's going to be one of my alts, and going to marry my Mandalorian Bounty Hunter. But this is far before her marriage. This is the story of her first hyperspace expedition. Not for the Mandos, or the Republic, or the Empire. No... Her first employer was a desperate smuggler with a debt to the Black Sun. You'll see soon.
  12. Very nice! It has an interesting stylized feel to it. Do you take requests/commissions?
  13. Nice Kelzack! Are you taking requests?
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